03x07 - Duke

[bunniefuu]

What... what is this place?

Oh, squeezy vines.

I've been sssslithering around
in tight jeansss all day.

- You have?
- And now I'm hungry.

- For me?
- No. Nachossss.

- I'm not Nachos.
- Whoa. Hi, hello.

Oh, hi.

- What were you dreaming about?
- Oh...

There was this... snake in jeans,
and he kinda had a good body.

Ooh! Are you awake
and ready to play-ay-ay-ay?

Play? Play what?

Jessi Glaser, come on down!

What the...

You're the next contestant
on Do the Thing,

everyone's favorite game show
where you rub me

until something awesome happens.

Ooh! You playin' Do the Thing!
Go, Jessi! That's my baby.

Um... okay.

The Yodeler? I love this one.

Wait, how do I even play this?

Well, the better you make me feel,

the quicker Heidi climbs the Alps, so...

Let's touch our genitals!

- Yeah!
- Okay.

Okay. So... All right, well,

- what if I start like this, maybe, or...
- Oh, okay.

That's a little pokey.
Not trying to squish a bug.

- Sorry.
- Maybe try, uh, like, a little circle.

Okay, um, so, like... like...

Oh, she's climbin'! Rub faster.

Nope, nope. Too many fingers.

Okay, okay!
Should I do, like, a flat, open palm or...

- Yeah, no, it's not a steering wheel.
- I'm sorry.

You're not a cool mom
trying to get out of a parking spot.

- Hey!
- Oh, no, she didn't!

- Okay, okay. How about like this?
- Oh. Oh, that's not bad.

♪ Yodel-ey-ee-ooh ♪

Is it gonna yodel the whole time?

Don't give up, baby, you gotta get
that singin' vag*na out of n*zi territory.

That's too much pressure.
You know what, ugh, let's not do this.

Aw!

Oh, Jessi, you were doing it for a second.
I mean, not well, but...

Okay, I'm sorry, but it just feels like
nothing is good enough for you.

- Ladies, we are getting off track here.
- Yeah, but she's so sensitive.

- Would you prefer a numb vag*na?
- No!

- I can make that happen.
- Just forget it, I have to pee.

Fine. Can you please remember to wipe
front to back this time?

- Oh, my God. I know how to wipe! Bye.
- I don't think you do.

Oh! Oh, God, Dina!

Jesus! Is that what's supposed to happen?

Yeah. Sounds like your momma
just won an orgasm.

- Ugh.
- And... a brand-new Jet Ski!

It's like a motorcycle
for the water, baby.

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ Oh, in my life ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪

Oh, what's this? Oh, God, Maury.

- Maury!
- Uh, wh... what is it? I'm awake.

- Well, Cherry...
- Your cousin.

Ah, who I choose to see
as a vivacious young woman

- and not a blood relative.
- Fair enough.

She's done me the great honor
of texting me this.

Hachi-machi.

Looks like two marshmallows

trying to squeeze their way through
a graham-ed cr*cker.

Yeah, those marshmallows are impatient,
yet delicious.

How do we respond?

Andrew, you know how I always pitch
sending a d*ck pic?

Even to that email
from Planned Parenthood.

- Come on, you know they party.
- Maury...

Well, this time
it's actually appropriate.

No, still not.

Shall we consult the manual?

- Let's see, Foreskin Dos and Don'ts...
- I'm cut.

What to Say to a Grieving Penis...

I'm gonna lick my finger now
to turn the page.

Here we go, cleavage pic gets...
a d*ck pic in return.

Ugh, I just can't see myself
taking a picture of my member.

Well, it does say, if there's no nip,
an abs pic will suffice.

Ah! I mean, if that's what the lady wants,
then... abs-solutely.

Uh-huh.

I'll just crop out the abs-cess
under my left breast.

- You really need to get that checked out.
- I know.

Come on, Jay, we're late.

Bye, Duke. Thanks for letting me
saw you in half, bro.

No problem, but don't forget to put me
back together when you come home.

♪ I miss my wisp ♪

Oh, sh*t, let me get in on that.

Okay, well, when you're done hugging
a ghost and his ass, I'll be in the car.

Mom, what's wrong?

Dina broke up with me.

Really? You sounded pretty, um...
together this morning?

Eatin' on each other's p*ssy and whatnot.

She said she wanted to be single
for her Ani DiFranco river cruise.

Yuck. Okay, you know what, Mom?
Dina sucks, and you're...

- you're good.
- Really?

Just me. Forgot
my drinking pouch of kombucha.

- Jessi...
- Hi.

It's been an honor.

Ah, closure.
And the dance continues, does it not?

See, she sucks.

Nick, thanks for letting me
borrow clothes.

It's so nice to wear somethin'
that doesn't smell like my brother's nuts.

I didn't let you borrow them,
my mom gave them to you.

- Since I'm not wearing underwear...
- Ugh.

your zipper is
basically tattooing my sack.

- Ew.
- Boys.

- Don't forget your lunches.
- Well, this is funny, Mama D.

- Don't call her Mama D.
- I actually made you a lunch as well.

- ♪ Ta-da! ♪
- Oh, how thoughtful.

- "Oh, how thoughtful."
- Nick, can I talk to you for a second?

I don't know, can you?

I know it's difficult
having Jay around all the time...

Oh, do you, Mom? Last night
he asked to borrow one of my hats

'cause he had to go number four.

- Yes, I am taking him to the doctor.
- What is number four, Mom?

It's a little bit of a barf combo,
with a shart...

- Oh, Jesus.
- Mixed with a little pee-pee.

- And he showed it to you?
- I'm a mother. I can handle it.

And now he's making you lunches?

This lunch is loose cornflakes,

half a dill pickle, and a scrap of paper
that says "hamburger" on it.

- You're welcome to it.
- I don't want the hamburger paper,

I'm just saying
that this whole thing blows.

I'll take the pickle.

What is the point of research papers?

Every-thing's on Wikipedia,
and it's all completely accurate.

Well, I'm doing Joan of Arc.

She was brilliant, so naturally,
everyone called her crazy.

Well, I'm gonna do Charles Darwin.

Ah! Charles Darwin.

Survival of the fittest, evolution,
the Galapagos...

Married his cousin, yeah, it's all there,

- and it's all equally important.
- Andrew, hush.

- They bred and there were...
- Andrew...

- minimal problems with the children.
- This...

I'm doing my report on my new best friend,
Duke Ellington.

Jay, what the f*ck are you talking about?
Duke's mine.

- Whoa, are you saying you own him?
- What?

- That is super hashtag problematic.
- Jay...

John Oliver is gonna
f*cking torch you, bro.

Fine. You know what, everybody?

I'm gonna do my report on Harry Houdini.

What? No! You can't even begin
to understand the father of modern magic.

Oh, is that who he was?

I thought he was, like, a ballerina who
cried a lot and had a huge, weird butt.

That... What? No, you can't... What? No!

- Too late, Jay.
- His butt was perfect.

I'm doing Harry Houdini,
the emotionally fragile...

...and famously thicc male ballerina.

It is nothing for me to gain mass.

- Psst, Jessi.
- What?

- Let's play Do the Thing again.
- Ugh, I don't know if I wanna play.

I'm not great at that game.

- Aw.
- I don't even know how to win.

Win? You mean have an orgasm?

- Ugh, don't say that word.
- Would you rather I said climax?

- No.
- Full release?

- No thanks.
- p*ssy scream?

Nope! Okay, let's stick with orgasm.

And while we're speaking plainly,

- so when I put my hand to my vag*na...
- Mm-hm... Right...

...it feels... medical.

Well, jeez Louise,
when you talk about it like that,

- takes all the bubbles out my soda pop.
- Sorry.

Besides, there's more than one way
to do it.

- Oh. All right.
- Joojle it.

- I think it's Google. Here we go, okay.
- It's Joojle.

"How to have an orgasm."

All right, well,
here's an article in Good Housekeeping.

Ew, that sounds like work.

Look over there,
Bethany's First Orgasm.

Right, but that looks p*rn-y.

- And that's why we are interested?
- I guess we are, huh. All right.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God...

This is my first orgasm!

It's nice that they got her balloons.

Why don't you put down that vibrator?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Yeah.
- Oh! This is my first orgasm again!

Okay, okay. Um, I know
we're supposed to believe women,

but if I'm being honest, I don't think
that was Bethany's first orgasm.

- And it seemed fake, right?
- Yeah.

But you know what didn't seem fake?
That big ol' d*ck.

Is that thing supposed to go inside you?

Listen, I do not know.

To me, it looked like an anaconda
that ate a calzone,

and inside the calzone
was a huge f*ckin' d*ck.

- She wrote back to my hot abs pic.
- Hooray!

"That's it, question mark"?

- Hmmmm...
- What does that mean?

I think it means she wants
a picture of your d*ck-ture.

A snapshot of your fat cock.
A portrait mode of your rockin' chode.

- Well, I wouldn't say I have a chode.
- Whatever. Just do it.

- But it could go so badly.
- Come on.

I mean, what if she sees it
and she... she hates it?

Oh, my God! Andrew Glouberman
has the worst d*ck in the world.

Y'all wanna put this chode
on the worldwide?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
People send d*ck pics all the time.

I just received one
from Olympian Shaun White.

What if I just sent her a picture
of Shaun White's d*ck?

What, are you crazy?
His d*ck's too freckly,

the pubes are bright red, and he hung
one of his medals on it.

Oh, my God, what is wrong with him?

- It's all ego with that guy.
- Huh.

- Let's go.
- Okay. I'll do it.

But only because I want
to arouse my cousin.

Ugh, I just got the chills.

You know how hard it is to gross out
a hormone monster?

So, if you ask me,
Harry Houdini was Harry Houdi-neat.

Okay, nailed the last line,
now I just gotta work my way backwards.

- Classic Duke.
- Ya-da-da.

Oh, my God, I'm having so much fun.

Uh... What's, uh...
What's so funny up here?

I'm just workin' on my report.
Did you know that Duke was a prankster?

I once took a very important screw
out of Buddy Holly's plane.

Up top.

Duke, why didn't you ever tell me
that story?

You never asked.

- You only ever wanna talk about yourself.
- Typical Nick.

♪ He's a selfish little prick
and his name is Nick ♪

♪ And he's got a sweet pair
of d*ck-suckin' lips ♪

He really does.

Hey, guys, nobody likes to be objectified.

- Do better.
- What?

You can't compliment a child
on his d*ck-suckin' lips anymore?

All right, how do I get my d*ck, my face,
and the newspaper in one sh*t?

And why is the newspaper important?

It looks like you're holding
your d*ck hostage.

I want her to know
that I took it today, idiot.

Just take the pic, you can't go wrong.

- So this one went wrong.
- I look ridiculous.

Forget it. I'm just gonna
send her a nice thank-you note.

Andrew, wait. You may have bad skin...

bad hair, bad arms, terrible legs,
a weird, lumbering gait...

- Okay...
- But you, you, Andrew Glouberman,

have a good d*ck, g*dd*mn it.

I just wish you could see your d*ck
the way I do.

Then show me, Maury.
Show me my d*ck through your eyes.

All right, I want you to imagine
your d*ck has a secret.

Okay. Like... You like that?

What does he know, Andrew?

♪ He'll never tell! ♪

- What do I do with my hands?
- Hold it. Hold your penis.

- And my other hand?
- Keep it in there for scale.

Okay, now shake your d*ck.
Loosely. Loosely. Now shake it fast...

- Okay.
- Get that d*ck off you, it's poison.

Do I shake my butt with my d*ck?
I don't...

- Okay.
- Your d*ck is poison.

Who the f*ck am I? Who am I?

I'm Andrew Glouberman's d*ck. Uh.

How about some funny glasses on it?

I don't do that kind of thing.

Yeah, it's stupid, I didn't want it,
the agency wanted it...

I know my d*ck's funny,
so I don't like to take...

Right, but we thought it'd be funnier.
But, no, I get it, I agree.

Oh, I'll have a third champagne if it...
I dunno, okay.

Smile, but with your penis.

Hold it, hold it. Yeah, baby.

- Oh, that was perfect.
- That was good?

You're honestly a natural.
Have you done this before?

- No, people say it's illegal.
- Yeah.

Maybe I'm just gonna be
one of those women who can't have orgasms.

It's more common than you think.

Come on, you've only tried one method.

Remember that p*rn girl
with the dope-ass vibrator?

That part was compelling.

You know, vibrators been helpin' women
for over one hundred years.

- Really?
- Joojle it!

Okay!

"Some scholars trace
the invention of the vibrator

to 19th-century doctor Joseph Granville."

Ooh, I was hoping we'd do this.

Mrs. Thompson here suffers
from female hysteria.

What is this?

Lately, she has become willful
and disobedient. She keeps saying,

"Oh, I want the right to vote, I want
to work outside the home!"

- She's very ill.
- How is this related to vibrators?

Sh, wait for it. It's comin'.

Now, in order to cure her,
we must induce hysterical paroxysm

using this incredible new device.

What the...

So, hysterical paroxysm is...

This is my first orgasm!

Okay, now, her I believe.

Behold, vibration for women's health.

I want to be healthy.

I am a lover of health
and of healthy things too.

Well, from a sociological perspective,
this is f*cked up.

- But she seems happy, I guess?
- Yeah.

And now they make
vibrators that are waterproof.

You can bring it to your public pool.

Mm... nah.

And now, if you'll all look
underneath your plates,

you will find... dessert is served.

Ooh, exactly what I wanted,
rosemary sorbet.

I got another... hamburger.

Well, I saw how much
you enjoyed the first one.

Monkey brains? Nice.

Aww, I don't wanna say what mine is.

- Leah...
- All right, fine.

I got "good booby cake"?

It's prepared in one of your bras.

Ooh, sounds delicious.
Do you wanna trade for rosemary sorbet?

Why are you humoring this psychopath?

It's just pieces of paper.

And you guys are all playing along
because he's so pathetic.

Nicholas Arsenio Birch.

Jay is just trying to do
something nice for our family.

My family. Not his. I don't want him here.

He's barely house-broken. He's an animal.

Wow, Nick, that really hurts.

You haven't even looked at your dessert.

Fine. It says,

"Even though you just called me an animal,

you still get chocolate cake
cause you're my brother, best friend"?

♪ Ta-da... ♪

- Aww.
- Magic!

- How did he do that?
- Oh, f*ck you, Jay.

- Mm?
- Aww!

Brilliant.

Wow. Wow, they're all... they're all great.

Everyone at the agency's very happy.

- Oh, what about this one?
- Sure.

- Want me to do a little Photoshop?
- Oh.

Maybe add some veins,
make it a little longer and thinner?

- Oh, why? Do you think it looks...
- Chode-ish? No, not at all.

- No, yeah, I think we just use it as is.
- The natural look. I love it!

Who cares if it's oddly short and wide?

I guess all that's left
to do now is, uh...

send a picture of my d*ck
to my father's brother's daughter.

Indeed. Shall we?

- Lamb of God, Adonai...
- Huh?

- ...and Allah...
- Mm.

...please bless Sweet Andy's d*ck
on its journey. Amen.

Now we select, and we send.

Godspeed.

Hey, man, I didn't know
you were, uh, religious?

Well, I'm more spiritual.
I'm open to talking about it, if...

Oh, I really don't want to.

Hello? Bilzerians? Anyone home?

Look, I... I... I need you guys
to take Jay back. He's kinda...

Oh, my God, help! Help!

Oh, sh*t, what's going on?

Ruff. Rumming. Coming.

They're coming.

Oh, no.

Huh, Spencer's Gifts really does have
everything.

Look, it's a Fast and the Furious
tea kettle.

Hey, I'm Vin Tea-sel.
And it's all about family.

Yeah, that's a really cool tea kettle.

Oh, but hey, what's this over here?

Adult toys? Watch out.

Have you ever, uh... indulged?

Smooth transition.

Uh, no. I mostly use my imagination.

And I have a Glo Worm

and a bath faucet
that really gets the job done.

Oh, of course, yeah. But, like...

how do you know...
when the... job is... done?

Well... sometimes, um,
when I'm, um, pleasuring myself,

it starts to build, and then
the coordinates all line up just right,

and then boom, I'm in hyper speed.

And I'm just floating around
in weightless bliss, kind of. You know...

what I mean?

- Uh...
- You don't know.

That's why you gotta buy...

- A Harry Potter vibrator?
- Ooh, it's got a phoenix-feather core.

- That sounds promising.
- Nope.

Not walkin' up to the counter
and purchasing a huge vibrator

from a dude with ear gauges.

Oh, sh*t.

Accio Clitoris.

- Wingardium Labiosa.
- Who on earth would want this thing?

And I guess it's me.
I'm puttin' it in my pocket.

♪ Magic q*eer! ♪

♪ Come out and gay! ♪

Oh.

Oh, God. No, please don't...

- What the f*ck? You're not Jay.
- Oh!

So you... Wh... You made this trap for Jay?

Yeah, he's been holed up at your house,
thinking he's all fancy, like Tony Hawk.

Ooh, I'm so jealous,
can I visit your house?

- Do you have. like, plates or whatever?
- Yeah!

Yeah, we have... some plates.
Not... not a ton. A-anyway,

this has been, you know, a real pleasure.

But... but I think I'm just gonna head out?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast, plate boy.

We got a taser, and we need some nuts
to sh**t it at.

No!

No.

Whoa, did he just...

Shut up, you stupid f*cking dog. Oh, no.

- Oh, God, you're so heavy.
- Don't you dare tell Jay about that trap.

Rrovv. Rrover. Over.

My nightmare is over.

It's okay, sugar.

They sell vibrators on the internet too.

Ooh, this one's two bucks,
and it's called p*ssy Stick.

Okay, I'm not using my mom's credit card
to buy a budget dildo.

Oh.

Hey... Nick's friend.

Um, yeah, hi-llo... My name's actually...

Jessi. I know your name, Jessi.

- Uh...
- Hey, girl, what's goin' on up there?

That's me. You know my name, Jessi Glaser.

Glaserdisc.
Of the East Coast Glaserdiscs, obviously.

- What?
- From New York. You know, New Yawk!

Jessi, you havin' a stroke, girl?

Who are you talking to?
'Cause I am schvitzing.

S... I'm so sorry. You know,
I'm just headed home so..., good-ios.

- What are you talking about?
- Adiós, I mean. Yo hablo español.

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

- Sorry, I'm trying to get out of my way.
- Uh... Move.

- Ohhh, he's moving you.
- Thank you.

- Sniff the boy musk! Huff it now!
- Later.

Um, hello, down here, behind your zipper.

Someone tell me what's going on!

Bye, chill out, see you later. Oh.

Jessie Glaserdisc. I will not be ignored.

I'm just kidding. But what is up?
I can feel your heartbeat in me.

Oh, God, please shut up.

Why hasn't she texted me back?
It's been minutes.

I think she saw your glorious d*ck,
and, oh no, she had a heart att*ck.

Barbara, why'd you upload
all these pictures of pink mushrooms?

- What?
- What are you talking about?

- I'm lookin' at the computer...
- No!

- ...and I'm seeing dozens of... of, uh...
- No.

...hot dog ends?

Oh, dear Lord, the d*ck pics.

They're in the cloud. Did you put 'em
in the cloud? We're on a family plan.

- Hold on, I'm coming to look.
- No, no, no! What do I do? What do I do?

Marty, that's not a hot dog.

That's a short, fat you-know-what
on a pair of human testicles.

Andrew!

We leave right now, start all over.

I've got the fake passports,

- Kenneth Proudfrog.
- What?

You're a Native American
pool table salesman.

- I can't memorize all these details.
- You pervert.

You took pictures of your thing?

No. That's not me.

Then how come your face is in this one?

- Why, Andrew?
- And my Newsday.

I know that wiener. I powdered it.

That's it, I'm takin' these.

You used up all our data with your...
your thing sh*ts.

What's this?

- A message from Cherry?
- No, uh, don't... No.

You sent this filth
to your cousin?

No. What did she say?

Andrew, are you trying to k*ll me?

I'm ruined.
Yeah, that's right, I'm ruined.

And I'll never know
if Cherry liked my picture.

There, there, Andrew. I'm sure she didn't.

Okay, group chat, ladies.

Jessi, who was that voice?

From the moment I heard it, it was like
boom, Rainforest Cafe down here.

Ca-caw!

That was Judd. Judd makes her horny.

Okay, okay, but he's Nick's brother
and he's so weird.

Yeah, he might be weird.

But you want him to push you up against
a dirty wall like a little old rag doll.

Ugh, I don't know.

When Judd's around,
she turns into Sig-horny Weaver.

Hell, yeah. She's a horn-again Christian.

- Horn-again!
- Even though she Jew.

Okay, I don't like this
for a number of reasons.

But mainly, it's just so embarrassing.

Aw, honey, don't be embarrassed.
Everybody gets turned on.

Yeah, even those you might not expect.

- Like Dame Judi Dench.
- Oof.

I bet her undies take a sponge bath
every now and again.

I bet they do.

Right, like, I guess they could call her,
like, Dame Judi Drench, right?

- Yay!
- I told you she was funny.

- Thanks.
- Now, ladies...

let's talk about how Judd's BO
make me be like...

- Hey.
- Hey.

So, I went to your house.

Oh, do you wanna live there?

Do a classic switcheroo?

No, I wanna live here,
and I get why you do too. I mean...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that
I'm sorry I've been an assh*le.

Well, I guess I'm sorry I took
a number five in your sock drawer.

How many numbers come out of your body?

Well, Nick, the numbers top off
in the thirties,

but that's when the symbols start.

- I also took an asterisk in your closet.
- Okay.

Well, I rescued your dog
from that hellhole.

Luda! Hey, buddy!
You are gonna love it here.

Rrraaaid. Frrraid. Afraid.

I'm afraid that if I can't be happy here,
then perhaps I'm the problem.

Well, Nick, I've got someone
very special for you to meet, too.

Nicholas Birch, meet the ghost
of Harry Houdini.

♪ Ta-da! ♪

Oh, Harry Houdini. Wow. Neat.

Well, he's not as excited
as you said he'd be.

You were right about him, Nick.

He is emotionally fragile.

Wanna punch me
in the stomach and k*ll me again?

And he's got a big weird butt,
which rules.

Uh-huh. Jay, would you like to do
your paper on Harry Houdini?

What? Really? Oh, wait a minute, though,
what about Duke?

Well, I'd actually love to do
my paper on him.

If that's okay with you, Duke?

Nick, I would be proud to be
the subject of your C-minus paper.

Hey, Mom, are you... okay?

I guess. I don't know. I miss Dina.

Oh. But, like... why?

Well, she made me... feel things.

And you'd never felt things before?

No, I did, but for most of my life,
it was sorta like...

You know the lazy river at the water park?

- Sure, lazy river's a delight.
- Yeah, it's okay...

the first hundred times,
but then it gets a little predictable.

And after a while,
you'd rather just stay dry and read.

Oh.

But with Dina,
it was like... the log flume.

You're going up, it's building,
you can't wait, and then...

whoosh, you're screaming,

you get soaked, your face is all twisted,

but you just wanna get right back
on that ride.

And now, I feel like I just can't go back
to the lazy river,

you know what I'm saying?

Um, I think you're saying
Dad was bad at sex?

No! Well... we were bad at it together.

I... I guess my point is,

it's a long journey, and you should
try out different rides.

Okay, I... I think I understand.

But don't go to the water park
until you're in college.

- Okay.
- And make sure you tinkle

after every ride.

Ugh, Jesus Christ, Mom,
okay, enough, I get it.

You probably won't get
a better piece of advice in your life.

My dearest cousin,
Father has locked me away.

I fear we must accept our fate
as star-crossed lovers

kept apart by state lines
and, dare I say, blood lines.

I pray for the death of a family member,
that we may meet again

at a Glouberman funeral.

I have no camera, but here's a drawing
of me with today's newspaper.

Your little pony, Andy.

It's been a real pleasure
working with you.

- What are you doing?
- You're... you're not gonna k*ll yourself?

- What? No.
- That wasn't a su1c1de note?

You're just gonna go on living

after your parents caught you
sending your cousin a d*ck pic?

Yes, because no teenager
should k*ll themselves.

God damn it, you are resilient.
It's unbelievable.

- But they shouldn't!
- Yes!

Yes, right, right, right. Netflix legal.

No teenager should k*ll themselves,

even though it makes
for captivating programming.

Hm. That vibrator's
got a toothbrush on it.

Really? You think I should?

Hey, vag*na, you awake?

Yeah, just had coffee. What's up?

Mm, girls' trip!

Whoo! Here we go!

Girls on a trip, that's a girls' trip.

- Oh, this is cool, I like this.
- This horse is workin' for me.

Whoo-hoo!

So, this is the magic cave, and it says
in order to get to the treasure inside,

we have to activate the jewel.

Not sure if this is right.

- Oh, it's right, all right.
- I like the circular action.

I thought you might. I listen.

I think we should go inside.

I... I... I don't think
I'm supposed to be in this part.

So...

- Who was that?
- A mystery man. Let's get him.

Come with me, Jessi.

It's Doctor Glaserdisc to you.

- I'll call you whatever I want.
- Oh!

Okay. Whoo!

Ooh! Whoo!

Aah! Aaaah!

Whoa!

Okay, oh, my God... was that...

- Was that it? Did it happen?
- That was totally something. So fun.

You did the thing!

Excuse me, hello.

- Hi, ladies. Over here.
- Is she toasting? Is that what's going on?

Some of you may know me
as Jessi's genitals.

Oh, gosh, I should have
written something down.

I do have this little piece of paper
right here.

I just wanted to say, it's an honor
to be a part of you, Jessi.

- Um...
- And to work alongside you, Connie.

Aw. I'm gonna f*cking cry.

And I'm just so proud that we get to be
on this journey together.

Now let's go wash that toothbrush.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

♪ My boo ghosts, but I don't need him ♪

♪ Five digits gonna make me
Squirm and scream ♪

♪ This is all on me ♪

♪ All I need, my hand pressed ♪

♪ Move to the rhythm of my slow breaths ♪

♪ I know best, I know better ♪

♪ Killin' this, a real go-getter ♪

♪ So take five, slip and slide ♪

♪ All I need to go is one hand inside ♪

♪ Take five, slip and slide ♪

♪ All I need to go is one hand ♪

♪ Rub-a-dub-dub, I'm in the tub ♪

♪ My legs up, don't give a f*ck ♪

♪ Pressin' my button
I feel the floodin' ♪

♪ Pressin' my button
I feel this rubbin" ♪

♪ Engine go, go, I'm on the floor ♪

Fathouse.