Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.slow down, honey. Slow down.
Dad, we want the freeze popsto be really, really blue.
Yeah, like the onesfrom the store.
Oh, no, the only reasonthose are really, really blue
Is becausethey're filled with chemicals
That will make your toesfall off when you're .
Here--food coloring.
This will blue it upreally nice.
All right, son.
Let it rip.
Huh, that's weird.
Huh. Maybe something'sstuck in there.
Hey, gracie,turn on the light
So I can seeif the ice is stuck in here.
(Blender whirs)
(Shouting)
Turn it off! Turn it off!turn it off! Turn it off!
(Laughs)now it's too blue.
♪♪♪
(All) happy th anniversary!
Ah.
And they saidit wouldn't last.
Only your sideof the family, honey.
Dana, I thinki have your ginger ale. No, this is ginger ale.
Well, I'm off to bed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sit down, young lady.give me that. Gracie.
It's timewe teach her a lesson.
I say we make herfinish the bottle
And smokea pack of cigarettes. Oh, give her a break.
If I had to grow upwith jim as a father,
I'd hide a flaskin my teddy bear.
You wouldn't have a teddy bear.you'd have a real bear
Out in the woodswhere I'd make you live.
Jim,if you were my father,
I'd consider myself the luckiestlittle boy in the world.
Okay, now you're livingin the woods with dana.
See you guys later.
Good night.thank you.
Good night.
Have fun.
Hey, wouldn't it be funif I was your little brother?
You're not little anything.
Are you ready to celebrateour th anniversary
With a $ entrée?
You know,i'm looking forward to this
So much morethan our fifth.
Yeah, those tacoswere really good.
But, honey, before we go,
There's somethingi wanna do with you. You're right. You know what?
Between the t-boneand the dessert bar,
I'm gonna be way too full later.come on.
No, no, no, no, honey.honey, not that. This.
This?a really old envelope?
(Chuckles) no, honey,it's what's inside the envelope.
We wrote theseon our first anniversary
And sent themto ourselves.
Wow.and they just got here?
No. We saved them.
It's our list of everythingwe wanted to accomplish
Beforeour th anniversary.
This is incredible.
Oh, look at you. You're justas sentimental as I am.
Stamps were cents.
Oh.
Wow!
I've accomplishedall my goals.
I have three kids,
I've helped well over a hundredpeople less fortunate than me,
And I've met erik estrada.
Read it.
It's kinda silly.
This was your dreamfor yourself years ago.
How can that be silly? That's 'cause it's silly!
Oh, honey. It's stupid.
Oh, come on.
All right. Well, it's...
I don't know.back then I thought...
That it'd be really coolif by tonight,
We had done it in every stateof the big ten conference.
I don't know.
Wait. What?!
Hey, back then I was a suckerfor romance just like you.
Well, did we do itin every state?
No.
All the states but indiana.
Not that I didn't try.
Oh, my god.
Is that why you wereputting the moves on me
At my father's funeral?
No.
Come on.
God took your fatherand brought us to indiana.
I-i mean, I saw it asa sign from above to go for it.
And, honey, you lookedso beautiful that night.
Your eyeswere just sparkling.
I was crying.
Cheryl, I knowit sounds crazy, all right?
It's a crazy goal,but i...
I don't know. I just thoughtback then that--
(Sighs)i hated seeing couples
And how bored they gotin their marriage,
And i-i thought a cool goallike this would,
You know,keep it sparked.
Oh, honey,when you say it like that,
The sweetness kind ofbalances out the crazy.
Oh, I just... I failed.
Oh, honey. Ugh. I did, honey.i failed on my one goal.
No, I did.i mean, all right, all right.
Sure, years of marriage,i've built a nice business,
I have a beautiful,supportive wife,
I've got three childrenwho are beautiful and healthy,
But I blew the one thingthat was important to me.
Well, you know,i mean, there's...
Still six hours lefton our anniversary and...
Indiana's,like, minutes away.
Well... (Clicks tongue)
You would do that for me?
Of course I would. Come on!
Fire up that minivan,get me across state lines
And have your way with me,mister.
I've been waiting my whole lifeto hear you say that.
Let's go!
Oh, come on, baby,let's go.
Well, we're here.
Let's knock one out.
Oh, uh, honey,honey, hold on.
What?
Well,since it's our anniversary,
I was kinda hoping that whenwe knocked one out,
It might at leastbe in a hotel.
Come on. This doesn't soundlike the girl that I married.
The girl I married
Thought the back seat of a carwas kind of romantic.
Well, yes, by a quiet lakeunder a full moon,
But noton the runaway truck lane
Of an indiana highway.
You're kinda starting to makea big deal of this, aren't you?
Fine.
$ . ?!
Come on.
We're only gonna be herean hour.
We don't rent by the hour,sir.
We're notthat kind of hotel,
But if your girl'sa sport,
There's a rusted out school busaround back.
Come on, man.
This is our anniversary. We cameall the way from illinois.
Oh, wow, illinois!
I didn't know I was dealingwith a world traveler.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you the landof lincoln special--$ . .
Come on! Look, just give us minutes alone
To check it out,all right?
I'm not fallingfor that again.
You illinoisans thinkyou can come down here
And just do your dirty businessand then go home for free?
Well, if you want to gethorizontal in the hoosier state,
It's $ . .
How muchif we do it vertically?
Oh.
$ . .
Fine, fine.i heard you the first time.
Fine, fine, here.i hope you choke on it.
Welcometo the sea breeze.
The sea breeze?
Oh, yeah.
(Foghorn blows,seagull calls)
(Cell phone rings)
(Ring)
Hello?
Dana's having contractions,and it's really freaking me out.
What do I do?
Wait--wait a minute. She's notdue for another six weeks.
Well, tell that to the baby,'cause it's trying to come out!
(Groans loudly)
What was that?
I stepped on a cat.what do you think?!
My husband's on a plane,and my brother's useless.
I need you.come home now.
Oh, oh, okay, honey.okay, calm down.
It's gonna take usabout an hour to get to you.
An hour?! Yeah.
Cheryl, are you doing disheson your anniversary?
(Sighs)
No, honey,we're in indiana.
We're gonna get thereas soon as we can.
(Gasps) what's wrong?are you in pain?
Oh, yes. M-my baby'sgonna be an aries.
Honey, that's okay.jim's an aries.
(Dana screams)
Okay, okay. I-i-i'm sorry.i'm sorry, honey.
I will get thereas soon as I can.
Jim, we gotta go.dana's in premature labor.
Premature labor?that's serious.
Yes, I know.
What'sour license plate number?
Jim, stop it. All right. All right.all right. All right.
Dana needs me,and I'm worried about her.
Let's go. You know,besides what, jim,
I'm never gonnabe able to enjoy it.
Enjoy it ?whose list is this?
Jim!
Fine, fine, fine, fine.all right.
I'm gonna needmy money back.
I'm sorry, sir.it's already in the system.
System ? It's a metal boxwith a hole in it.
I'm sorry it's not oneof your fancy illinois systems.
What--look,i'm am not gonna pay
For a roomthat's not being used.
Oh, it's gonna get used.
(Rings bell)
Brianna, get your stuffout of the school bus.
She's shy,but she's dirty.
(Bell dings)
Oh, where are they?
Where are they, already?ugh.
Who are we talking about,exactly?
Jim and cheryl. Ugh.
How many glasses of champagnehave you had?
(Chuckles)just a glouple of classes.
Andy.
Oh, oh, look at you.
You're gonna have a baby.
Jim and cheryl have beenmarried for years.
When is it my turn?
When does this butter-pillar turn into a cater-fly ?
Hey, hey. No, no, no, no, no.stay sitting. Oh.
Okay,how are you feeling?
A little dizzy...
A little melancholy.
Oh. It hurts.
Okay. You know what?
I think maybe we should get youto the hospital just to be safe. Yeah.
If you want to be safe,
We should goto a hospital in indiana. Indiana?
Jim.
What? They're always safein indiana.
Stop it! Okay, honey, how farapart are your contractions?
I don't know.i'm still having the one. The one ?
I tried to time it,but then I stopped.
Oh! Oh, god.it's getting worse.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh. (Passes gas)
Oh.
Oh, my god. That--
I feel so much better.
It wasn't my baby.
It was the two bowlsof popcorn I ate.
Great, cheryl. We droveall the way back for a fart?
Sorry.
Look, we still got timeto make indiana.
Come on, baby.the dream lives on. Let's go.
Oh. Honey,are you sure you're okay?
(Passes gas)
(Clicks tongue)
Oh, good lord.
I'm a little spacey.was that me or you?
You.
Well,then you won't mind this.
(Passes gas)
(Groans)
Hey. Hey, buddy.
Hey, it's my well-heeled friendfrom illinois.
I didn't hearyour limo pull up.
Uh,we'd like our room back.
Oh, I'm sorry.that room is unavailable.
Brianna's takinga well-earned shower. (Chuckles)
What?
Okay, jim, let me.hi. I'm cheryl.
Dennis.
Hi, dennis.we'd really like another room.
I'll check the availability,cheryl.
Oh, thank you.
Okay. (Sighs)
Did you have a reservation? We had a whole room!
Oh, look,something just opened up.
I'll take it.
That will be bucks. What are you talking about? --No.
Okay, jim, jim, jim,please take it. Take the room. I'm not staying in a roomfor $ --
Listen to me.listen to me.
We are this closeto achieving your goal.
Please don't blow itover $ .
(Grunts)
Okay. We'll take it.
Does it have cable?
Yes, but no tv.
(Emergency siren wailing) what's that?
Oh, no. It's a tornado warning. Tornado?
Yeah,it happens all the time
When you livenear a trailer park. Don't put it in the system!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Get everyone out of their roomsand into the shelter.
This place is gonna come apartlike a cheap hotel in a tornado.
You guys will be fine.
We're not staying here.
Why not? Come on.i paid $ for this room--
Jim, jim--
And I'm gonna get my--
Jim, forget about the money.forget about the big ten.
We've gotta get outta here. Fine.
Good!
Wait a minute. I'm not leavingwithout my money's worth.
Jim, there's a tornado! No, I don't care.i want my money's worth.
Come on. Look, lost and found.there's good stuff in here.
This is ridiculous.okay, w-wait. Grab that bell.
(Wind howling)
Hey,look at this gumball machine.
(Thunder crashes)
(Man on radio) the tornadois tracking east to west
And is expectedto touch down
Near the illinois state linewithin the hour.
If you're visiting indiana,
The sea breeze offersfabulous beds and--
(Turns radio off)
Big deal.i didn't get indiana.
So what?
Oh, honey.
No, no, really.it's okay, cheryl. Honest.
I've been focusedon the wrong things.
My big goalshould have been
My wife, my family,people I love.
Not a list of statesthat I can do it in.
I have neverwanted you more.
Come on. Pull over. We've gotten minutes before midnight.
(Exhales deeply) I should havedeep thoughts more often.
All right. (Rattling)
Eh, eh, are--arewe near a train track?
Train track?
Yeah.
I don't know.sounds like it.
What the-- oh, no!
Oh.
Aah! Oh, my god.
Are you sure we drove awayfrom the tornado?
I know which way west is,cheryl.
It's the same direction that--that cow is flying.
Oh.
Okay, okay, okay. There'sa farmhouse across that field.
We gottamake a run for it, fast!
What--wait, wait.what do you mean?
Like three or four minutes fastor now fast?
(Scoffs)jim, if you wanna sit here
And celebrate our anniversaryby yourself, be my guest.
You thinkit would still count?
Ugh. Come on. Now!
All right, all right.
Cheryl? Cheryl!
(Thunderclap)
(Grunting)
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey!
(Thunderclap)
Come on.
Aah!
(Grunting)
Aah!
Come on. Come on.
Get down there.come on. Hurry up.
(Groaning)
Jim, you don't need that.get in here!
I do need it.
Oh, aah!
Oh, honey. Oh, no.got it? Oh.
(Screams)
(Grunting)
Jim!
What?
Paper!
(Screaming and grunting)
Oh, got it.
Oh, cheryl.
Finally.
We're safe.
You know, jim,
We've still got five minutesbefore midnight.
Really?
It's not the sea breeze,but I think it'll do.
(Laughs)
Here.
Oh. Aah!
(Growls)
Oh, my god.
Oh, cheryl.
You are so beautiful.
Oh.
How about this night,huh?
I know.
I mean,that stupid motel...
Dana's farts...
And now a tornado.
Man, why do yougo through this with me?
Oh, well, you see, honey,while you've been trying
To get mein all the big ten states,
Mm-hmm.
I've been trying to get you ona bag of corn in a storm cellar.
(Laughs)you are a good sport.
(Chuckles)
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, honey,four minutes.
Oh.
Oh. Hold that.hold that.
What?
Let me set the mood.
What?
(Foghorn blows,seagull calls)
Whew.
Ooh, baby.
(Laughs)
(Giggles)
Well, honey,happy th anniversary.
Oh.
Welcome to the big ten.
Thank you.that was really fun.
Hey, wait. You know what, honey?how about for the next th...
Mm.
We do it on all the greatbeaches of the world?
How about we take the ocean tapehome, do it in bed?
That way we won'tget sand up our butts.
(Electricity crackles)
Look,the power's coming back.
Hi.
Hi.
How are ya? Uh...
I wouldn't eat this cornif I was you.