06x10 - F**ked Up Friday

[bunniefuu]

I wish my dad

could stop being such an assh*le.

I wish I had my parents back.

I wish my dad loved me

the way he loves that stupid baby.

I wish I was irresistible.

I wish I wasn't me.

[chimes tinkle]

[panting]

[Marty] What?

Wait a minute.

What am I doing on the couch?

And why do my nuts feel so heavy?

Oh, Jesus, no!

Oh my God! I look like my dad.

[gasps]

And I sound like him too.

Holy sh*t. Andrew?

Maury, I'm my dad.

Oh no. Oh me. Oh my.

How did this happen?

I don't know.

But if you're in your dad's body,

then then who's in yours?

Why the hell is my penis so short and fat?

Dad? Is that you?

-Andrew?

-Dad, you're me.

Nuh-uh. You're me.

What's going on?

Oh, baby Jesus and all my infant gods.

They've Freaky Friday'd.

Freaky, my ass.

This is a f*cked-up Friday.

This is your fault.

Who me? Me me, or you me?

You me. It's you me's fault.

-You big little pervert.

-Aw.

[phone ringing]

[Andrew as Marty]

Mrs. Birch, I need to talk to Nick.

Marty?

No. I mean, yes.

Yeah. I mean

Would you just put Nick on, please?

Nick, Andrew's dad

is on the phone for you.

Mr. Glouberman?

Oh, Sorry, Grandpa MacGregor,

I needed to talk to Nick.

This is Nick.

Wait. Why is my voice so weird?

And why do I feel my skeleton?

Aw, sh*t.

Nick, it happened to you too.

-[Nick as Seamus] What happened?

-This is Andrew.

I woke up in my dad's body.

What? What are you talking about?

Just go look in the mirror.

[grunting]

Ah! My face. My body.

Oh, sh*t, Nick.

You turned into a California Raisin.

I'm my f*cking grandpa.

Oh God. Do you think

this has happened to anyone else?

[Jessi] Where am I? Why can't I move?

-[baby cries]

-[Jessi] I can't speak. What's going on?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

It's okay, Delilah.

Mommy and Daddy are here, sweet boo-boo.

-[Jessi] What?

-Holy sh*t, Jessi.

You're the baby, baby.

[Jessi] Oh f*ck. So is the baby me?

Oh my God, Jessi. [gasps]

Did your mom hide her tranquilizers

in your Children's Tylenol bottle?

Um, been there.

[laughs]

Genuine LOL.

You are hilarious

when you're tranqued out.

[Jay] Yes. My wish came true.

I'm not me. I'm Coach Steve.

Yay, I'm Coach Steve too.

-[Jay] Wait a minute, what?

-I'm sorry.

Was I supposed to leave

when you came into my body?

I didn't understand the assignment.

[Jay] Oh sh*t, we're brain buddies.

Do we both control your body?

How does it work?

Oh, look, look. I got the right side.

And I've got The Blind Side on DVD

if you wanna, you know, hang out.

[Jay] Uh, yeah,

as long as I'm not stupid shitty-ass me.

But hold on, then. Where is you?

[Jay] Who cares?

I ran into the woods and passed out.

f*ck my old body.

All right.

Holy sh*t, Missy.

You're Nathan f*cking Fillion.

Oh my gosh.

I'm stuck

in his gorgeous mountain of a body.

You sure are.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Oh my God, what do I do?

Quick. Feel your own buttocks.

Mona, this is serious.

-But so is this can, eyebrows, eyebrows.

-[knock on door]

Uh, Mr. Fillion,

they're ready for you on set.

Be there in a minute,

because I'm Canadian beefcake

Nathan Fillion,

not a terrified teenage girl

touching my own butt. [chuckles]

I'm going through changes ♪

I'm going through changes ♪

Oh, in my life ♪

Oh, ooh, ooh ♪

Oh, Dad, what are we gonna tell Mom?

Nothing. We have to keep this a secret.

Andrew, your salami and eggs

are getting ice cold.

Come down for breakfast.

Okay, Mom.

Ugh, Marty, why are you calling me Mom?

What this idiot means is

I'll be right down,

because I'm your disgusting

pervert son. Let's go.

Ugh, don't talk like your father, Andrew.

One Marty is more than I want.

Dad, what do we do?

I can't go to school like this.

No sh*t, you tall moron.

Until we figure out how to fix this,

you go to my job, and I go to your school.

What? Why?

'Cause that's what they do

in these movies!

Oh, what the hell, Nicky?

Are you drinking a beer?

Bugger off, princess.

I'm not your pansy son.

Excuse me?

I don't like the way

your grandfather is rubbing off on you.

Now brush your f*cking teeth

and get to school.

-Wait! No, don't do that.

-Stay out of this.

But I'm not Grandpa. I'm your son.

Shut up, both of you.

I don't like this joke.

f*ck you, woman.

Get your bloody hands off me.

-Hey, Dad.

-Huh?

When I get home tonight,

I'm gonna twist those nipples so hard,

you're gonna look like

a breast-feeding street dog.

-But I'm not

-[barks]

[screams]

Hard Daddy out.

Oh, okay. I think I get it now, man.

Okay, so you're Nick, and I'm Nick,

and everybody's Nick.

And this is Nick at Nite on Roku.

[bell rings]

-Uh, Mr. Glouberman?

-Yeah.

I'm stuck in this little perv's body.

Who the hell are you?

It's Nick. Have you seen me?

What do you mean, me? You're you.

Why is everybody stupid today?

It's a classic body swap.

For you see, I'm not a young girl.

I'm, in fact, TV's Nathan Fillion

trapped in a young girl's budding body.

That's disgusting.

Thank you. I know all about body swaps

from a pilot I did for NBC

called Oopsie Daddy.

Okay, so how do we swap back?

Well, we each need to learn

a life lesson to

Learn a lesson?!

That's the stupidest thing

I've ever heard,

and I went to Drew Carey's Ted Talk.

Hey, Missy, can we talk for a sec?

Oh, I'm sorry, young man.

I'm off to learn

something critical about myself.

Enjoy your schooling and watch The Rookie,

Sundays on ABC, at 10/9 Central.

Oh, thank God, Jessi.

Do you know where Jay is?

I haven't seen him

since I shattered his self-esteem

and he ran into the woods.

-Oh my God.

-[cries]

Oh, please. Grow up, Matthew.

It's perfectly normal

to absolutely obliterate your pants

when you're geeked up on tranqs.

This one, that one.

-This one, that one. That one.

-[Jay] Whoa, Steve. We're doing it.

Oof-magoof, walking's hard.

Well, Coach Steve seems normal,

but everybody else is acting very strange.

Come on, lady,

where do you hide your booze? Cough it up.

Grandpa, listen, we need

to learn some stupid lesson

so we can switch back to our own bodies.

-f*ck you. My old body's shite.

-Wait, no!

I'm gonna go find a g*dd*mn bar

that'll serve a child.

Ugh.

-[baby crying]

-[Jessi groans]

Dad, help. I'm trapped in the baby's body.

Oh, does my little chunky monkey

want a little tubby wubby?

[Jessi] No, no, no. No, thank you.

No daddy washy assy.

[Jessi] Oh God, this is so embarrassing.

-Here we go.

-[Jessi] Wait.

-I don't want

-[Greg] And bloop.

Oh.

[Jessi] Oh, this actually feels nice.

How's the water, kiddo?

[Jessi] Uh

Yeah, get that warm water

all up in your neck rolls.

Baby, do you like that?

Yes, yes, yes ♪

-Boop.

-[Jessi] Connie, I could get used to this.

There ain't no bubble bath

like a baby bubble bath, baby.

[Andrew] Guys, I've been looking around

for 20 minutes.

I still have no idea what my dad's job is.

Why does he have

dog food cans all over his desk?

And a machete in his filing cabinet?

-What? A machete?

-[knock on door]

Good morning, Marty.

Oh, my dad's associate, Susan.

I mean, my associate, Susan.

I mean, Susan.

Wow, the Susan.

This is such an honor.

I've seen you

in all of Andrew's jerk-off fantasies.

I'd say my personal favorite is

"Andrew Gets f*cked at the Beach."

Are you ready for the presentation?

The presentation.

Of course, yes. Of course, yes.

Yes, let me just get my

my dog food together?

Okay

Quick, Andrew. Masturbate to Susan

with your father's d*ck.

-What?

-Absolutely not.

Oh, you think he should f*ck Susan

with his dad's d*ck,

-because I'd love that.

-Maury!

His parents' marriage

is already in shambles.

[gasps] Wait a minute.

Maybe we could use your father's body

to woo your mother back

with a romantic gesture

like we learned about in therapy.

Boring.

No, Flanny's right.

This is my chance

to get my parents back together.

-[Susan] Marty?

-Who?

They're in the conference room waiting.

I'm so sorry, Susan,

but I have to go home and woo my mom.

I mean, my wife.

Okay

Quick, before we go,

beg Susan to f*ck you,

just like in "Andrew Begs to Get f*cked."

Another personal favorite.

And action.

Morning, chief.

Uh, what are we looking at?

Bad news, Nolan.

Kid was found sliced ear to ear

with a bread Kn*fe

and this rusty bike horn

shoved up his ass.

-[horn honks]

-Hmm, Still works.

I'm sorry, I don't

I don't think I can do this.

Uh, no, Nathan.

Your line is, "I can do this forever.

I love being a cop."

I am so sorry.

v*olence makes me barf.

And I can't even pretend

to hold a g*n. So

Nathan, where are you going?

Taxi.

One adult, please.

To Bridgeton Middle School.

[whistle blows]

[Jay] Come on. Tell them, Steve.

The little boy inside me

wants you to run laps

with your butts hanging out.

[Amazing Paul] Ha, ha!

We are the Sorcerers of the Square Table.

Whoa, cool. Adult men.

[Jay] No, not cool. These guys are losers.

We are looking for the schoolchild

known as Jay Bilzerian.

He's the only magician skilled enough

to help us bring back

The Magnificent Gary.

Who is trapped in The Bread Bowl Realm.

[grunts]

[screams]

Jay, you gotta go do magic

so that guy doesn't become cheese.

[Jay] No! I'm not a magician anymore.

Matthew was right. Being Jay sucked.

Don't you dare talk about my best friend

and body roommate like that.

[Jay] I'll say whatever I want

about my shitty self.

Not while you're sitting

at a little table in my tummy.

[Jay] It's my tummy too.

Ow! My restaurant.

[rock music plays]

Yeah, that's it. Give her a good scrub.

Ooh, yeah,

swing those big old balls for Mommy.

Oh, they're so much heavier

when they're wet.

Marty? What are you doing?

Nothing. Just washing your car.

You know, like I used to do.

You haven't done something like this

in years.

And look, you still have

your spicy little shorts.

Yeah, and they're chock-full of nuts.

Maury, I'm going to hell.

What the hell is that depraved sicko

doing with my body?

Shut up.

Barbara doesn't look like she hates you.

So now that I've wooed you,

can we be married again?

Excuse me?

You know, like you said in family therapy.

I fixed everything.

What? No.

Washing my car once doesn't fix anything.

What do you want me to do?

Clean the microwave? I'll do it nude.

Ugh! You've clearly learned nothing.

Great job, schmendrick. You blew it.

-Wait. Uh, Mom.

-Ugh!

And stop calling me Mom.

Yeah, what are you, Mike Pence?

[Jessi]

Mm, Connie, I feel like a little mummy.

Oh, yeah, all swaddled up

like a baby burrito.

[Jessi] Ow!

All of a sudden, my stomach is k*lling me.

-[crying]

-Oh, you probably got that baby gas.

You still don't know how to use

that brand new butthole.

Okay, Greg, what's going on?

[Jessi] I have gas, Dad.

It feels like I swallowed

a square bowling ball.

[Greg] I don't know.

Maybe she's hungry again?

Uh, okay, all right.

I'm gonna try feeding her.

Yuh-oh, Stepmom titty, incoming.

[Jessi] No,

I don't want your boob in my mouth.

Uh, she's not latching.

Jam it in there.

Don't give her the option.

[Jessi] Get that away from me.

f*cking burp me.

We will also accept a fart.

And so Jay is now my body brother,

but he didn't wanna come here

because he's not a musician anymore.

[Jay] Uh, no, Steve. I didn't wanna come

because magic sucks rock-hard sh*t.

Hey, oh. Stop hitting myself.

Oh, yes,

I've seen sorcery like this before.

And if Jay's really in there,

then we have the quartet of magicians

we need to rescue The Magnificent Gary.

-[Jay] f*ck no. I'm not doing magic.

-Hey. Come on, Jay.

Everyone, make the sign of the Bread Bowl

and repeat after me, Arenap.

Arenap. Arenap.

Saran wrap.

No, Arenap, as in Panera backwards.

Lollipop.

Arenap.

Oh, of course.

-Kit Kat.

-Say it correctly or it won't work.

Help me say it, Jay.

[Jay] f*ck them and f*ck you!

Ow!

I got glass in my doody oven. Awesome.

[panting]

Oh, thank God, you're home.

I need your help.

Oh, what now, Seamus?

I'm not Seamus, Mom. I'm Nick.

I swapped bodies with Grandpa.

Oh, great. Now he's got

f*cking dementia too.

Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom,

please, it's really me.

Okay, "Nicky," prove it.

When's my birthday?

I have no idea.

I forget every year,

but Dad buys you a present from me

and makes you a thoughtful card

that I sign without reading.

Oh, my boy. It really is you.

Mom.

Oh, this is awful.

My son is trapped

in my father-in-law's body.

My husband's acting

like a different person.

Wait. Maybe that's why

I swapped bodies with Grandpa.

So I could help Dad

become Soft Daddy again.

What do you mean?

Well, Nathan Fillion said I need

to learn a lesson to swap bodies back.

Sure, okay

Maybe I'm supposed to show Dad

the love that Grandpa never could.

Hey, hey, Rick. What'd I miss?

I don't know, man.

I never understand these season finales.

They always gotta do something cuckoo,

and I don't get it.

Monica, I didn't think anything

could be as gorgeous as your eyes,

but your ancient grain focaccia

is coming awfully close.

You know, it almost feels like

you're flirting with me, Missy.

[chuckles] And would that be a problem?

-[doorbell rings]

-[chuckles] Oh.

Mom. I mean [clears throat]

May I speak with your daughter, madam?

Nathan Fillion?

I know this sounds totally bonkers,

but your daughter and I

are linked supernaturally.

-What?

-Don't worry,

you hot mom

who doesn't know how hot she is.

I'll handle this.

Okay.

So, how's my body

been treating you, Missy?

Did you feel my buttocks?

Oh God. I'm so sorry, Mr. Fillion.

I couldn't resist.

No, no, I get it.

I miss those meat mountains myself.

-Uh, Missy?

-Elijah.

Uh, who's the white dude

with the high butt,

and why does he know my name?

Wait, you don't know

who Nathan Fillion is?

Go ask your mother, young man.

I guarantee she knows.

[chuckles] Okay. But, Missy,

can we actually talk privately?

-It's kind of important.

-Oh, God, Mona.

-Do you think Elijah's here to dump me?

-Of course he is,

'cause he finds you

so physically repulsive.

Well, if it's personal in nature,

I think Nathan

should stick around for this.

Yes. I should I should probably stay.

Uh, dang. There's no way

I could've prepared for this.

You really screwed up

with that car-wash nonsense.

Me? You screwed up with Mom

every day for the past 20 years.

I mean, do you really even care

about her anymore?

Of course I care about her, you idiot.

I love her, and I admire her.

You don't know what you'd do without her.

Exactly. She's my whole life.

You gotta tell her that, Dad.

I can't tell her that.

What if I do,

and she still doesn't want me?

Then I'm nothing.

Andrew, if your father can't tell

your mother how he really feels,

then maybe you can.

You mean, use his body?

To f*ck Susan.

Finally. We're all on the same page.

Ooh, I'll get a scrunchie

to tie back your father's balls.

Ow! Oh!

I'm sorry I bashed your skull through

a bakery display, Steve,

but I'm not a magician anymore.

-Well, then, who are you?

-Uh, I'm Jay.

No, the Jay I know is a sweet boy

who loves magic.

But maybe you're not that Jay anymore.

[gasps] Maybe you're Jay Leno?

What? I'm not Jay Leno.

Then who are you?

Okay, Steve, I get what you're doing.

What am I doing?

Help me. I don't know who I am.

You want me to go help the sorcerers

do magic and bring back Gary.

No, I just want you

to bring back my friend Jay.

You mean, like, the Jay who loves magic

and running naked in the woods?

Yeah, the Jay who's my bestest buddy.

I miss that guy.

I think I miss that guy too.

Because I am a magician, Steve.

It's in my bones.

Especially my d*ck bone.

You mean our d*ck bone.

Exactly.

Now let's go save Gary

from the Bread Bowl Realm!

All right. Leno's back, baby. Team Coco!

All right, old man.

Ready for Hard Daddy

to pop those Snapple caps?

Actually, son, I thought maybe instead of

brutalizing each other's nipples today,

-we might, uh caress them?

-Caress them?

Because it's okay for men to be tender

with each other, right, Seamus?

Yeah.

You're always telling me that.

I mean, telling Nick that.

Well, okay.

I guess I could

gently squeeze my father's grapes

before I rip them off the vine.

You know, Elliot, I've always acted

like your softness was weakness,

but now I'm beginning to understand

your vulnerability is actually strength.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

You were right all along,

and I'm sorry I never said it before, but

I love you, Elliot Birch.

Oh my God.

I've been waiting so long

to hear you say that.

And this is exactly

how I pictured it happening.

Except we're not sitting face-to-face

on the same horse.

Missy, it's kind of weird to talk to you

about this in front of him.

Well, anything you can say to me, Missy,

you can say to Nathan Fillion,

a world-class actor,

wealthy enough

to hire his own penis cleaner,

but humble enough to do it himself.

Yeah, Elijah,

we both really care about you.

Okay, sir.

[chuckles] Okay.

Here it goes. [exhales]

I love hanging out with you, Missy.

I really love holding hands with you too,

but I think that might be it for me.

Like physically.

Because you don't think I'm pretty?

Please, sir. This is hard enough.

Could you stop talking to me?

I think what Nathan means

is you don't think I'm pretty.

No, no, it's not that at all.

It I I think you're beautiful.

It's just

I'm asexual.

Oh!

Oh, so it's not about me.

None of this is about you!

But, Missy [sighs]

I really like being with you.

And I hope me being asexual

doesn't mean we have to break up.

Well, I'd love to respond to you,

of course

But I think it might be better if I did.

What the f*ck, man?

[knock on door]

What do you want from me now, Marty?

I don't want anything from you, Barbara.

I'd actually like to offer you something.

-An apology.

-Oh.

Okay

I've been stubborn and selfish.

And nasty, and loud, and cheap, and

And I'm sorry.

-You see, I felt

-I felt threatened

that you wanted more

after all these years, because

I thought that

I might not be enough for you anymore.

Marty

And even though I think

synagogue is a waste of time

-and God's a total assh*le

-God's a total assh*le.

-Dad!

-Sorry, sorry.

The truth is, I admire you for growing

And being your own woman.

How come you never said this before?

Um

'Cause I'm a rotten guy?

No, you idiot. Because I was scared.

Right. It's because

I didn't wanna seem weak.

But the only thing that matters now

is that you know how much I love you.

Oh, Marty, I love you too.

Good work, schmendrick.

Marty, your apology

got me all hot and bothered.

Oh God, it did?

-Yeah.

-[Andrew] Wait, no.

And you're still wearing

those spicy little shorts. [grunts]

-Ah!

-But not for long.

Oh sh*t. Oh, Maury, what do I do?

Um, I think

you might have to f*ck your mom.

What? Oh no.

No, Flanny, tell him he's crazy.

Andrew, I'm afraid Maury might be correct.

Oh sh*t!

-Here I come, big boy.

-Cowabunga.

[chanting] Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.

What in the sweet f*cking hell

are you fairies doing?

Stop tickling each other's teats

and act like men.

Don't listen to him.

Choose love, Elliot.

Because that's what real men do.

[magicians chanting] Arenap.

Oh, God, Mona. What should I tell Elijah?

Well, he likes you

and thinks you're beautiful.

Yeah, I guess he does.

But he doesn't want

to french your brains out.

Are you okay with that?

Oh, Maury. Is this actually gonna happen?

Just go with it.

Remember, you've been in there before.

Here, Andrew, bite down on this.

Real men aren't lovey-dovey pansies.

You're all pathetic.

Oh, Nicky. I've been setting

such a bad example.

I was only acting like Hard Daddy

to get my father's love.

You were?

Yes. But the truth is,

the only way to get love is to give love.

And, Nicky, your Soft Daddy

loves you very much.

I love you too.

Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.

Nathan, what do you think I would say?

Arenap.

-[cries]

-[groans] I feel so helpless, Greg.

We don't know what you want.

[Jessi] I wanna burp! I wanna fart!

Andrew, wait. Have you thought

about where you're gonna finish?

-What?

-Have mercy, Maury.

Hey, I'm just trying to do my g*dd*mn job.

-[chanting] Arenap.

-Holy bread bowli.

[Jay] It's working.

I think you'd say

Elijah, I accept you for who you are

and very much

want to remain your girlfriend,

if you'll have me have her.

Missy, who is not me.

Is that true, Missy?

Yes, I want to be your girlfriend.

[magicians chanting]

Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.

We're doing it!

Hug him back, you little old drunk.

Oh, for f*ck's sake. All right.

[magicians] Arenap.

[both grunting]

[chanting] Arenap.

What's everyone up to this weekend?

[Jessi] Connie,

I don't wanna be a baby anymore.

But won't you miss

those baby bubble baths?

[Jessi] I wanna give myself my own baths.

Yeah, with a showerhead.

[Jessi] I want my old life back.

[magicians chanting] Arenap. Arenap.

Oh, gross. Why do babies

suck on their own feet?

Because, honestly, once you get older,

it's just, like, hard to find the time.

My pervert son is about to schtup my wife.

What do I do? What do I do?

Do I go in there?

I love you, Marty.

Oh sh*t, oh sh*t, oh sh*t. Whoa!

[grunts]

Oh, I'm back.

Oh, me too.

Andrew, are you spying on us?

No, no, I was just just listening.

I told you he was disgusting, Barbara.

Relax, pervert, I'll take it from here.

-Oof.

-[grunts]

Arenap.

He's back!

Is this heaven?

Better. It's a Panera.

[groans]

Oh, that was crazy, huh, Jay?

Mr. Leno?

Knock, knock, you still in there?

-[groans] Oh.

-[growling]

Hey, guys. Sick bones. [chuckles]

Wait. I'm a wolf too. See?

Pillow-f*cking magician wolf!

[howling]

Oh, it's so good

to be back in my own body.

Speak for yourself.

Someone get me some booze

to dull the pain.

I'm as dry as a bone.

-Well, I, for one, am not dry.

-Ugh.

What do you say we go upstairs

and make Soft Daddy hard again?

Two words, carry me.

Oh, no, Nicorice.

Your mom's trying to f*ck you.

What? No, I was never even

in my dad's body, you f*cking idiot.

So you think your mom

is trying to f*ck me?

[chuckles] Cowabunga, baby.

-Shh, shh, shh!

-Dad, Caitlin, the baby has gas.

Oh, of course, because she's a baby.

-[burps and farts]

-There you go, you little fart factory.

That feels better, right?

Delilah is really lucky

to have you as a big sister.

Mama, do you think

you'll ever want another baby?

Oh, sweetie.

It was a real struggle to even want you.

Before you go, Mr. Fillion,

I just want to say I am sorry

for putting you through all of this.

Oh, no need, Missy.

This was the role of a lifetime.

Good luck, you two. Taxi.

One adult, please. To the set of

The Rookie.

-[Barbara] Oh, Marty.

-[Marty] Oh, yeah.

Barbara, you haven't been

this damp in years.

It's like a cellar down here.

Maury, do you think

That you pre-gamed your mom for your dad?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Ugh.

I'm very proud of you, Andrew.

You know what? I'm very proud of myself.

-[Barbara] Oh, Marty.

-[Marty] Cowabunga!

Body, ody, ody, ody

Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪

Ody, ody, ody

Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪

Body crazy, curvy, wavy

Big tittles, little waist ♪

Body crazy, curvy, wavy

Big tittles, little waist ♪

Body, ody, ody, ody

Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪

Ody, ody, ody

Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪

Look how I bodied that

Ate it up and gave it back ♪

Yeah, you look good

But they still wanna know where Megan at ♪

Saucy like a barbecue

But you won't get your baby back ♪

See me in that dress

And he feel like he almost tasted that ♪

Num, num, num, num, eat it up

Foreplay, okay, three, two, one ♪

You know I'm the hottest

You ain't gotta heat me up ♪

I'm present when I'm absent

Speaking when I'm not there ♪

All 'em b*tches scary cats

I call 'em Carole Baskins, ah! ♪

Body, ody, ody, ody

Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪

-Ah ♪

-Ooh ♪

Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪

Muah ♪