01x02 - Maybe I'm Crazy

[bunniefuu]

This is delicious.

You wouldn't even know
it's not meat, right?

- Wrong.
- Char.

- This isn't meat?
- Nope. I can't eat this.

Okay. You know what?

You are being a jerk. We have a guest.

Is she a guest or does
she live here now?

Yeah. How long is Judy staying with us?

Um... Well, I don't know. It's the...

- first night, so...
- I mean, we haven't talked about it.

- No. We've never discussed the exact...
- I don't know. Is it like...

- ...time frame, but...
- I don't wanna be awkward about it.

No. Let's not be awkward, it's...

- Whatever you...
- Whatever you need.

- As long as you want it.
- As long as you want it.

- Sounds good.
- Okay?

You don't even know her.

You met her in some
group a few weeks ago.

And now she's gonna
live in Dad's studio.

- Do you know how f*cked up that is?
- Okay.

She is sitting right here,
so you're being rude, A.

B, enough with the "fucks," okay?

You're years old. And C, I would
never, ever put you in harm's way.

Okay? Everything is gonna be fine.

I'm an excellent judge of character.

Except for that one babysitter
that stole money from your evening bag.

Stephanie.

Yeah, Stephanie.

Okay. You know, well, Judy

is not a petty thief with
an opioid addiction.

- That I know of.
- No, I'm not.

But I hope that Stephanie
got the help that she needs.

She's dead.

Um...

Charlie, I totally get it
that it's weird that I'm here.

Look, you could be anybody.

I could be anybody.

She could be a crazy person.

So could I.

So could I.

I'm really sorry about Charlie.

He's just... God, he's been such
a little d*ck since his dad d*ed.

- Oh, he's great.
- If you think he's great,

- then you are a saint.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Oh, he's great.
- No, I'm not a saint.

- You are an angel.
- Oh, please. No.

- You'll come find that I am the devil.
- I'm the devil.

I'm glad you're here.

Me, too.

Oh, you know what?

There's some fresh linens
and towels over there for you.

I... I'm sorry, I didn't
make up the bed. I just...

haven't been able to bring myself
to go into the guesthouse since...

Oh, stop it. Come on. You are so nice.
I can't thank you enough.

- You're such a good friend.
- Oh!

[CLEARS THROAT] Well...

not that good.

[SCOFFS] What?

Look, this... wasn't my finest moment.

But...

I gave Steve my business card
the night I found out he wasn't dead.

- Oh.
- And...

he called me,

and I'm selling his house.

- Okay.
- I'm really sorry.

But to be fair, in the moment,
I thought you were a lying psychopath.

- No, of course.
- Oh, my God. You're bleeding.

- What?
- You're bleeding.

Oh, God.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah. It's a nick.

- The glass chipped. Sorry.
- Okay.

Look, I just...

I just hope it's not gonna be weird,
me working with Steve.

Hmm... It's a little weird.

I mean, not as weird as you
lying about him being dead, but...

No. Right, not that weird.

- That was way weird.
- Yeah.

- Can I please get you a Band-Aid?
- No, I'm...

Because it looks like a gash,
not really a nick.

I'm a bleeder.

Everyone's a bleeder,
but that's just real... grim.

I just... I don't know.
I guess maybe I thought that, like,

I don't know, if Steve and I
would work it out or something.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

- Do you still have feelings for him?
- No. I shouldn't.

You know what?
This is probably for the best, you know?

- It's gonna force you to just move on.
- Yeah.

But I just... That was our house.

We were gonna have a family there.
And he doesn't even run it past me?

Well, you know what?
You can stay here as long as you want.

- Oh, stop.
- Okay?

Oh!

Yeah. You know, I'm gonna get

the first aid kit,
'cause this looks like a horror movie.

Thank you.

[EXHALES]

[BREATHING RAPIDLY]

Oh, Jesus...

[SIGHING]

- [SCREAMS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[PANTING] Oh, my God.

[RINGING TONE]

Hey! Slow down!

QCE .

- QCE .
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[REPEATS NUMBER UNDER HER BREATH]

QCE .

Hi, Gina. Is Steve around?

- Judy.
- Hi.

Haven't seen you in a while.
Steve's actually not in.

- Oh. Mind if I just check?
- Actually, I'm not supposed to...

- Judy. Hey, girl. Can I help...
- Hey, girl.

Sorry, girl,
but you really can't be in here.

Girl, I know!

Bye, girl.

Bye.

Uh-huh. QCE .

He was speeding near the street
that Ted was hit,

so I just thought maybe
there'd be a connection there.

Oh, that's a stretch?

Well, maybe if you found the guy,
I wouldn't have to f*cking stretch!

- Who we yelling at now?
- Cops.

- Wonderful. Steve is here.
- [SIGHS]

- Hey-o.
- Hey! There he is!

[CHUCKLES] Christopher was just
giving me a tour of your office.

Nice! Love it.
It's, like, beachy but not tacky.

You know, it's a tough wave to surf.

Thank you. Have a seat.

I can't wait to take a
tour of your house.

I drove past it last week.

Goosebumps from stem to stern.
Oh, here's the exclusivity agreement.

Yeah, thanks. No, it's a sweet place,
definitely, but...

way too much room for me now.

- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, hey, how's Judy?

Did you find her that night
you came looking for her?

I did.

Yes. Actually, um...

It was just a really
funny misunderstanding, but...

meant to be.

How so?

Well, I met you.
And now we are working together.

You have been hanging out with Judy.

Sounds like something she would say.

Judy's actually living with Jen now.

- Is she?
- [JEN] Mm-hmm.

Yeah, in my guesthouse.

It's, uh, really...

It's nice having another adult around
after my husband d*ed, so...

She needed a place to land.
And it just worked out for both of us.

Great. It's very kind of you.

You know, Judy's...

- She's been through a lot.
- I know. I know.

She's really... She's
been a rock for me.

[CHUCKLES]

Really?

Yeah.

Why?

Uh, look, I don't want to talk badly
about her, but uh...

for whatever it's worth,
let's just say wherever Judy goes,

chaos tends to follow.

- Okay.
- No, really. I wish her the best.

But, uh, she is, um...

a little nuts. [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Well, that feels like new information.

[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

What in the holy f*ck?

You are free.

[SIGHS] Oh, God.

[CLAPPING HANDS]

Oh, boy.

[ENGINE ROARS]

- [TIRES SCREECH]
- m*therf*cker!

[GRUNTS]

- [TIRES SCREECH]
- [JEN LAUGHS]

- Hey!
- You threw rock at my car crazy bitch?

You could've hit someone, assh*le.
Slow the f*ck down.

Yeah? Make me. [SPITS]

Ew! f*ck you!

Yes, it was the same assh*le, still
speeding and the fucker spit at me.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, that is the exact message
I want you to give the detective.

Thank you.

[JUDY SNORING]

[JEN] Hey.

Hi.

Breakfast is almost ready.

Um, have you been sleeping outside?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Um...

I mean, is the guesthouse not...
Are you....

not...

- Why?
- The guesthouse is great.

- Okay.
- It's just, it's...

Honestly, it's hard.

Okay.

There's a lot of Ted in there.

Like, a lot of his stuff, and I just...

It's, like, I don't know.

It's kinda, like,
spiritually overwhelming.

Oh.

But it's okay.

Well, it doesn't... You're clearly
upset, so it doesn't seem okay.

I'm sorry.

No, no, please. I'm... I'm sorry.

No, I'm so sorry.

And honestly, there's, like,
a lot of valuable stuff in there.

So, I mean, maybe the kids want it or...

you could even sell some of it
and make some money.

I can't even bring
myself to go in there.

You think I'm ready
to start selling his stuff?

Oh, God, you're right. I'm sorry.

- I didn't...
- Oh, no.

I swear I didn't mean for you
to get rid of anything.

I can never get rid of anything.
I mean, I'm such a collector.

I totally am. I get it.

I even keep some of my stuff
in a storage facility.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

- Okay. Just... one sec.
- Wait, you know what?

Forget I even said that.

[WHISPERS] sh*t!

Ugh.

- Hi.
- Ma'am.

So, did you find the guy?
The license plate I called in?

That f*cking aggro piece of sh*t?

- That's not...
- I don't know.

We're looking for Judy Hale.

[HEARTBEAT POUNDING]

Oh. Why are you looking for Judy?

- I'm Judy.
- Ma'am, we're here to inform you

that a temporary restraining order
has been placed on you,

barring you within feet
of Steven Wood.

If we receive a complaint or notice

that you have violated the terms
of this order, you will be arrested.

Do you understand?

I understand.

Have a good day.

- [JUDY] I can see how this looks.
- So, what, are you...

Are you stalking him?

No.

Not really.

So, so, what is it?
Just, like, a light stalking?

I called him a bunch of times,
and he didn't answer,

so I showed up at his office.

- So you went to his office?
- And his house.

- And then the golf course.
- Judy...

I swear, this is more a reflection
of his character than it is of mine.

I have two kids
who've been through a lot.

I don't need cops showing up at my door.

I just wanted to talk to him
about selling the house,

But he'd rather call up his cop friends
and file a restraining order

to keep me from telling him
how hurt I am.

Hmm.

I'm just hurt.

Mm-hmm.

[SIGHS]

Bet you didn't know
she was a stalker, huh?

I did, actually, so...

f*ck.

- I told you that Steven was an assh*le.
- [SCOFFS] I know.

Why'd you even wanna talk to that putz?

- There's a lot of things left unsaid.
- Let him go.

- Good riddance.
- I know. I can't.

Maybe I am crazy.

You are crazy. But who isn't?

You know what you oughta do?

You oughta fill out
one of these online profiles.

Or help me. I don't know what I'm doing.

All right.

Let's see.

Abe, you know,
you don't need to do online dating.

Half the women in here
are dying to get with you.

[JUDY] Let's see how you did.

Yup, you're alive.

Oh, you don't hear that
too often around here.

You know, if I saw you
in here, I'd click.

I'm not good enough for you.

Forty years ago, maybe, but...

I'm not so picky now.

- I'm serious.
- Hmm?

I've done some really bad things, Abe.

Aww, who among us?

We all mess up.

But I know you.

You're good.

Crazy or not.

- I love you.
- Aww.

Welcome to my humble abode.

- [CHRISTOPHER GASPS]
- Told you I'd make it up to you.

You did good.

Steve, can I be honest?

- No, lie to me.
- Hilarious.

This place is stunning, bro.

- Oh, thanks, man.
- No, it's perfect.

It... It'll sell so fast.

I mean, these interiors!
Are you sure you're not gay?

[CHUCKLES] That I know of.

No, I'm sure. Water? Cold, room temp?

Oh, I'm so good.
Can I keep giving myself a tour?

Yeah, man. Knock yourself out, bro.

- Here we are.
- Oh, thanks.

- Figured you were a room temp girl.
- You got me.

- Perfect.
- It really is stunning.

- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

It's weird, though. I would never
know Judy ever lived here.

Hm.

Yeah, I just always had a pretty clear
vision of the space, I guess.

She just let me run with it.

You know, I, um...

I don't wanna get
in the middle of anything, but...

a restraining order?

I mean, how concerned should I be?

Uh... [CHUCKLES]

I'm sorry if that whole thing
caused any drama,

but, um, I felt like I needed
to send a message.

You know, she won't leave me alone.

- [JEN MURMURS]
- Um...

I just wanna move on. That's all.

Right.

[CHRISTOPHER] I'm gonna...
Can I go upstairs?

- Mm. Mi casa is your casa. Please.
- Going up, too?

- Of course.
- Great.

[CHRISTOPHER LAUGHS IN DELIGHT]

Ooh! What's in here?

Oh, you know, actually...
Maybe you don't...

Okay. Well, this needs a little work.

[STEVEN] Oh, I'm sorry about this.

[JEN] Oh.

Uh, it's okay.

Well, you know, I honestly kind of...
forget about this room.

I usually just keep
the doors shut and...

- I can't really bring myself to...
- It's... I get it.

Judy told me about the miscarriages.

She did?

Yeah. She did.

[SIGHS] It's terrible.

Can't tell you how many times
we started decorating this room.

I can imagine.

We waited too. You know this last
time we thought we were in the clear.

I mean, she was five months.

Um...

Should've waited longer.

You know, babies don't even need
their own room...

Look, I guess I don't know
either of you very well, but...

for what's it's worth, if I had gone

through what you and Judy went through,

I'd... be a little nuts too.

Yeah.

I'm gonna show you the master suite.
It's sick.

Hm-hm. Okay.

[CREATURES ROARING]

Hey, Charlie. What's up?

What are you doing?

Oh!

Cool.

That game looks... so violent.

It's, like, disturbing, huh?

I don't talk to strangers.

Yeah, me neither.

Or stalkers.

No, that's smart.

But just so you know,
I'm not really a stalker.

I mean, not a good one, anyway.

Yeah. You got caught.

This time.

Honestly, the whole thing
is a misunderstanding.

And you expect me to believe that?

Well, you're playing a game where
the women have watermelon boobs,

but can somehow run miles an hour
so, I don't know what you believe.

I believe you're annoying me.

I just wanted to say that, um...

I really appreciate you guys
letting me stay in your dad's studio.

Um, well, it wasn't my call.
My vote doesn't count.

It counts to me.

Whatever. It's...

It's just weird you being in there.

It's weird for me, too.

Do you have any weed?

Do you?

No.

Good.

Uh... You didn't answer.

I don't talk to strangers.

But I am gonna order a pizza
if you are at all interested.

Only if it has meat on it.

It shall.

[JUDY] How is it?

- [HENRY] Good.
- [JUDY] Good? Meaty?

Seriously, they k*lled a whole herd
of animals

for you to have that much meat
on your pizza.

- [HENRY] Okay.
- They taste pretty good.

- [JUDY] Want some of my meat?
- [HENRY] Sure.

[JUDY] There's meat on yours.
You can have all my meat.

[HENRY] Okay. I like it.

[SCOFFS]

No wonder you couldn't sleep.

There's just so much sh*t in here.
[SNIFFLES]

[SIGHS] Let's clear it all, okay?

- Really?
- Yeah.

You go ahead.

- Go ahead.
- No, go, please.

- You first.
- I'm not gonna fight you about this.

Okay.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

[HENRY] Can I have Dad's Les Paul?

All right, kiddo. There you go.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Yeah.

Cool!

- I want the g*n.
- Hmm?

- What g*n?
- Dad's g*n.

Okay. Well, it is in the safe,
and I do not have the combination.

And even if I did have the combination,

I would be getting rid of the g*n.

Why do you want Daddy's g*n?

For protection, you know?
I'm the man of the house now.

Oh, come on, please.

I don't know where you're getting
this patriarchal sh*t from,

but you are not the man of the house,
you are a child.

I am the woman of the house
and I do the protecting.

So...

You can have the drums.

Yes!

- Did I just get played?
- I'm pretty sure you did.

Wait. I'm sorry. There's a g*n in here?

Mm-hmm.

[JEN] Sorry.

sh*t, this is heavy.

It's so heavy!

Why didn't we hire guys
to do this for us?

Because we're empowered women.

And I might have told you
it would be cathartic for you.

Yeah. Well, it's not.

Well, now we know.

And, you know, hiring men to do our

bidding is also very empowering, so...

Yes. Uh, note taken.

I appreciate you making room for me.

Yeah. I appreciate you telling me
about the storage place.

You know, I saw the nursery
at Steve's house the other day.

Your house.

- Really?
- Yeah.

He, uh... He couldn't bear
to go in there either.

He couldn't even look
when I opened the door.

Well, I told you Steve's not really good
at dealing with feelings.

I mean, I honestly can't blame him.

You know?

Grief does some weird sh*t to people.

You know?

What you guys went through was...
was intense.

Yeah.

It was.

- [SCREAMS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[PANTING]

Holy sh*t.

[JUDY SIGHS]

[HEARTBEAT POUNDING]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, you know what?

This is for you.

[JEN] I just thought you might
want it back.

Oh, my God!

Thank you.

Wow. [CHUCKLES]

- Did you steal it?
- No.

No, Steve said I could have it.

I mean, I would've stolen it
if I had to, you know.

That's so sweet.

You know,

there was something that Steve
said that really, really bothered me.

What?

He said you were nuts.

Oh, yeah.

It was practically my nickname.

No, but that's not okay.

Men call women nuts and crazy
way too often

just to undermine us.

- You know?
- Yeah. You're right.

No, I mean you shouldn't be
able to call someone crazy anymore.

- No, you shouldn't.
- No, crazy...

should go the way of the R-word.

R-word?

Don't make me say it.

- ret*rd...
- Got it, got it.

Oh, you m*therf*cker!

[JUDY] What? What? What's wrong?

Wait here.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[JUDY] What are you doing?

Jen?

[CAR ALARM WAILING]

[GRUNTING]

[MAN] Hey!

Hey!

Hey! What the f*ck are you doing?

Get in the car!

[JEN CACKLES]

- Hey!
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[MEOWING]