01x08 - Try To Stop Me

[bunniefuu]

[KNOCKING]

[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]

Hi! Jen Harding. Real estate agent.

I just sold a house in the area for

two million, all cash. Blah, blah, blah!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know
how valuable your property is.

I mean, especially
with this curb appeal.

[MAN] Oh. Well, I'm not looking to sell.

Oh. Well, you might change your mind
if I do an appraisal,

which should only take a few minutes.

I mean, unless you're busy
or you just hate money.

Well...

[JUDY] Is this ethical?

Harassing people
because they're on a list?

It's not unethical.

We're not hurting anybody,

just tracking down people
who own vintage Mustangs.

Right. But, like, historically,
lists have been bad for people, right?

- Like the blacklist.
- This list is only bad for

- the person who k*lled Jen's husband.
- [LAUGHS] Right. Yeah.

And there have been some
good lists, historically.

- Schindler's list. Great list.
- Yeah.

It was really... That
was a beautiful list.

[NICK] Uh-huh.

But is it legal, what we're doing?

My buddy Dennis at the NCIC can share

information with government agencies.

Now, would Laguna PD consider me
a government agency? Hell, no.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- Come on. This is fun, right?
- Well, it is so fun.

I haven't felt this good in months.

Honestly.

Being here with you, working a case.

It's bringing me back to life.

So, thank you.

You're welcome.

So, it's about , square feet?

No idea.
I inherited the house from my aunt.

- She's in a home now, so...
- Great. Can I see the garage?

Oh! Is this a ' Mustang?

Yeah, but, um... the car
doesn't like, come with the house.

You ever hit anybody with this thing?

- [DOOR SLAMS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[ENGINE REVS]

[JEN] Oh!

Okay.

Cross that one off the list.
He was on a Star Trek cruise that week.

I saw so many pictures I wish I hadn't.

All right. Six down. to go.

My God. I can't believe
the fucker who did

this is one of these names on this list.

God, it's gonna feel so good
to look him in the eye

and tell him
what a spineless monster he is

and then b*at the sh*t out of him.
All right. Who's next?

Okay. Beachside Antiques.
Deerfield Road.

Business? Weird.

Yeah. Could be a company
car, or rentals.

Bunch of businesses on here.
Move Ur Car Ur Way, Pelican Vintage.

- TKG Arts.
- Who the f*ck is TKG Arts?

- [SHAKILY] Can I see that?
- Yeah. You all right?

Yeah, it's just, like,

- stuffy in here. Right?
- Oh.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Okay. These businesses are all downtown.

So why don't you guys drop me off
and then I'll check these out?

- [JEN] Hmm.
- Safer if we stick together.

[JEN] Yeah, right? All right.

I need a name, Judy. Mama's on a roll.

- Okay.
- Yup.

Heather Dornan.

Uh... She lives in Costa Mesa.

Seven-two-eight Bristol Street.

A woman. Wow.

That surprise you?

I just never pictured
a woman driving the car.

What kind of feminist am I?

[LAUGHS] Oh, women can be murderers too.

I know. I saw that
Charlize Theron movie.

Which one?

- Uh-huh!
- [JEN AND NICK LAUGH]

[SAT-NAV] The route is being calculated.

Wait, you know what?
I need a bottle of water.

- [JEN] Oh. Sure.
- Can you pop the trunk?

Okay.

- All right?
- [BEEP]

God, there's just
so many names on this list.

I wish that we could narrow it down
somehow and find this guy.

- Or gal.
- Oh, right.

- Mm-hm.
- God, I'm such a d*ck.

- Yup.
- [LAUGHTER]

[THUMP]

What was that?

Jude?

Judy?

Oh, come on. I'm fine.

I faint all the time.

No, you don't.

Yeah. You haven't known
me for that long.

I did it a bunch in high school
and then once at Lilith Fair.

Remember Lilith Fair?

No, I was way too high.

- Of course you were.
- [LAUGHS]

- It was fun.
- Okay.

Nobody get too excited,
but Dennis just called.

He crosschecked our list against DUls.

- And?
- Something interesting.

Andrew Peters. Two DUls.
Lives four blocks from the scene.

Andrew Peters.

- That's the f*cking guy.
- See? That's too excited.

No, no! We should go
check it out, right?

Yeah.

- Yes, we should. Let's go.
- Okay. Let's go.

- [JUDY GROANS]
- But, oh, sit back.

I'm sorry. I feel so woozy.

Let's chill for a minute.
We can't jump to conclusions here, okay?

I'm not jumping to anything.

I'm just saying it's a '
Mustang with two DUls

and lives four blocks from where Ted
was hit. That's the f*cking guy.

It's pretty compelling.

- I like him for it.
- I like him too.

We should call Detective Perez,
we should loop her in.

Oh, no. I'm not calling her.

She's gonna slow us down
with her "process."

Hey, I get it, okay?
But we can't run away with this thing.

Nobody here has a badge, currently.

Yeah, maybe he's right.

Maybe we should just,
you know, slow it down.

Okay. Yeah, maybe you're right.

- You got to trust me.
- I trust you.

Oh, gosh. You guys, you know what?
I'm late to pick up Charlie.

- Uh... Will you keep an eye on her?
- Yeah.

I'd love to.

A little hot tea,
a little chicken soup from a can.

Don't tell my mama.

Oh...

- Ugh! Soup smells so bad.
- Yup.

- Sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.

Nausea, fainting, sweats.
You thrown up at all?

- Yes.
- Oh.

You know, I'm not a doctor, but
I'd say it's either the flu...

or you're pregnant.

Since you and I have
been taking it slow,

which is adorable but getting harder

every day, I'd say you have the flu.

- [HEARTBEAT]
- Unless you got a side piece.

[ECSTATIC MOANING]

[WHISPERING] Oh, sh*t.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

You're too good to me.

No. It's nothing.

You know that feeling you get
when a thing is new,

and the person you're into gets sick,
or there's an emergency,

it makes you realize, wow,
how much you care about them?

Even though it hasn't been that long?
Do I sound like an idiot?

No.

You're such a great guy.

Oh, sh*t.

"You're such a great guy"?
Were you about to say, "But?"

No.

Yeah, yeah, yes, yes.

Yes, I am.

Honestly, before I met you,
I was engaged to someone.

Okay.

And he has suddenly
come back into the picture.

And I don't wanna have
feelings for him, but I do.

And I don't think that it's fair to you.

[NICK INHALES]

Okay.

I'm so sorry. I... [SIGHS]

Steve and I are just
hot and cold, you know?

Sometimes, I hate him and then

the next minute,
it's the most passionate...

- Yeah, I don't need the play-by-play.
- Right.

I'm sorry.

Should I...

- You okay?
- I'm gonna go.

Yeah, sure. You don't have to stay
and take care of me.

- Yeah. It's a little awkward right now.
- Yeah, I guess.

Thank you, though. For everything.

I did not see this coming. [LAUGHS]

Some detective, huh?

sh*t.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi. Jen Harding.

Uh, I was just driving back from another

listing and I had to stop because, wow!

What a house! I mean...

is there any possibility
you're interested in selling?

Because prices are just insane
in this area right now.

Really? All right. I'm interested.

Andrew.

Peters.

Pleasure.

- Please. Come on in.
- Thanks.

[JEN] Wow. It's beautiful.

I love the minimalism.

So... sleek.

Thanks.

The ex-wife hated it.

Oh. Well, then I hate her.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- All right.
- All right.

Can I get you a drink?

Um... No. No, I shouldn't.
I'm on the clock.

- Mind if I hit it?
- Sure.

I made that myself.

It's mahogany.

Hmm. That's a quality wood.

Got a whole workroom
set up in my garage.

Never met a time-sucking hobby
I couldn't get behind.

Well, I'd love to see more of your work.

Oh, yeah. I don't know.
The garage is kind of a mess.

- I can handle a little dust.
- I'd rather not.

You know...

screw it. I...

I will have that drink.

Oh!

All right. It's a party.

- Touch of the brown stuff?
- Mm-hm.

Here we are.

That'll warm you up.

Thanks.

- Is it this way?
- Yeah. Right through that door.

[JEN] Hmm.

This... wood is really...

Circles, uh... really honor the wood.

You are too kind.

Is this a ' Mustang?

Yes, it is. Good for you.

You a car buff?

- Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
- Mmm.

- You mind if...
- Oh, God. Yeah.

Et voilà!

Another one of my projects.

- Wanna check it out?
- Hmm?

- Go on. Jump in.
- Oh.

- All new interior. Just restored it.
- Okay.

Should have seen it three months ago.
It was a wreck.

Fingers and toes.

Why are the tires off?
Did something happen?

[CHUCKLES] Nothing happened.
That's the problem.

It's taken me f*cking forever
to put this thing together.

- [ANDREW SIGHS]
- So you've... you've never driven it?

Not yet.

You would not believe how vicious
these car collectors are on eBay.

f*cking jackals. Anyway, check this out.

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

May not have an engine yet
but my stereo is hot.

You know, I should probably get going.
It's late.

- Whoa!
- Uh...

- Hey.
- Can you let me out?

- Easy. Be gentle with it.
- I'm getting claustrophobic.

- Please just...
- Let me help you out a little there.

Okay.

- God, you smell so good.
- No. That's not what this is.

- Get off of me.
- No. Relax, it's fine.

Get the f*ck off me!

[YELLS WITH PAIN]

Bitch! What the f*ck is wrong with you?

No means m*therf*cking no.

Get the f*ck out of my house!

[YELPS] f*cking blood everywhere.
You bitch!

[ELEVATOR BELL PINGS]

Hey, girl.

Oh, Judy. Hey, girl.

Girl, he's on a call.

Some people think it's for pussies,
but I don't.

No. I said I don't think
it's for pussies.

Yeah, I got to go too. Bye.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Uh... What's going on?
Things are chaotic right now.

I don't have time to...

I have to talk to you
about a couple of things.

Juds, honestly, I got a meeting in five
minutes. If this can wait...

- It can't.
- Okay.

I broke up with the guy that I'm seeing.

- Okay.
- Because he's not you.

It's a high bar.

And because...

I think I might be pregnant.

- f*ck! Seriously?
- Yeah.

- How do you know it's mine?
- I never slept with him!

That's weird.

It's yours.

- Judy, now? This is happening now?
- Yes, I know.

But after everything we've been through,

maybe we're finally getting
what we wanted.

We get to have our family.

I know it's scary, but sometimes
things happen in weird ways, right?

[STEVE] Hmm.

Judy...

this is not divine intervention, okay?

This is the definition of insanity,

doing the same thing over and over again
hoping for a different result.

- We know the result.
- No, we don't.

- We don't know the result.
- We lived the result five times.

Well maybe our luck has changed.

Would you stop f*cking
bright-siding everything?

- Don't yell at me.
- Sorry.

It's okay.

[SIGHS]

Look, I can't put myself
through this again.

I just can't. I'm sorry.

You can call me in nine months if it...
You know?

Or maybe just put yourself
out of your misery now.

Put myself out of my misery?

[DOOR OPENS]

- [HEIDI] Hey, babe.
- Hey, babe.

I got the sush.
Oh, my bad. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Hey babe.. I'm just finishing
up with a client.

Oh.

Sorry. I was in the bathroom.

- Hey, girl.
- Hey, girl.

Girl.

Uh Kaley, would you mind
taking Heidi to the break room?

- I'm just gonna be a sec. Okay.
- Sure.

What? You were seeing someone.

What?

Wait, what was the other thing
you wanted to say?

What?

You said a couple of things.

What else?

[HEARTBEAT]

Nothing.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC BLARING]

- [MUSIC STOPS]
- [CELL PHONE RINGS]

Okay, okay.

Hey.

You just went straight to Steve?
You didn't even take a test yet?

I did. I didn't have one.

But I just know because
my boobs are so tender.

All right. Stop staring at it, okay?

A watched pee stick
never turns positive.

Do you want it to be positive
or do you not?

I do.

- You do? Okay.
- Oh, God, I do want it to be positive.

But, you know, sometimes
when you really want something

and you think if you hope for it,
it's not gonna happen?

And if you don't hope for it,
maybe it will happen?

- Mm-hm.
- But sometimes when you hope for things

they happen, right?

So maybe I just...

hope for the next three minutes.

Okay.

So you're gonna let yourself feel
how you actually feel.

That's a good idea.

Yeah. Thanks.

But you are not allowed to feel positive

feelings towards Steve ever again.

Even if that's how you actually feel.

No, I won't. I can't.

Okay. Because, you know,
you've gone back before.

You are an addict. And he's meth...

with impish good looks.

Oh, God, he is.

I hate his stupid f*cking face.

Okay. It's been two minutes. So, avert.

Just don't. Don't do it...

- I really wanna look at it.
- Don't do it.

[JUDY SIGHS DEEPLY]

Oh, I broke up with Nick.

You did?

- Yeah.
- Oh!

I know. He deserves
someone nicer than me.

Who the f*ck is nicer than you?

Okay. Then maybe someone more stable.

Well, that he can maybe find.

Maybe it's not great
to be a single mom that's not stable.

Whose mother is stable?

And you won't be a single mom.

You have me.

We can be like
a three-child mothering team.

- Mothering team.
- Aww!

That's awesome!

[BEEPING]

- [SIGHS]
- Oh, sh*t.

It's okay.

You only see one line, right?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Well...

you're probably not ready to hear this,
but...

one tiny bit of a bright side.

What?

You can drink.

[SIGHS] Yeah, I can drink.

[JEN] I just got out of there
as fast as I could.

Oh, my God! f*cking piece of sh*t.

Yeah, but it's, like, you know,
I went into the house.

- I got into the car.
- No, stop it.

You're being, like, I asked for it.

No, I know I wasn't... asking for it.
It's just...

I'm pretty sure I broke his face,
so that feels good.

Wow! That's awesome!
You are a tough broad.

[CHUCKLES] Hardly.

You are.

You're "don't mess
with Texas," you know.

What?

Uh, am I Texas in that equation or...?

Well, you're like Brooklyn, like,

- [BROOKLYN ACCENT] "Don't f*ck with me".
- [LAUGHTER] Ew.

Is that... is that what you think
people sound like?

You didn't think I was from the block
when I said it?

- No.
- What?

- Oh, my God.
- Okay, then you do it.

No, I'm not gonna do it.

- Come on.
- No.

Please?

- Uh-uh.
- I've had a really shitty day.

[BROOKLYN ACCENT] I used to
sound like this.

[LAUGHS]

[BROOKLYN ACCENT] Like this.

I love it so much!

You're lucky you're sad.

I shouldn't have let you
go to that guy's house.

You didn't let me go.

I just went.

But you can't do that anymore.

You can't go to strangers' houses.
It's not safe.

- Okay? You have to stop. I mean it.
- I know.

Yeah, I mean it too.

Detective Perez called
and said if I don't stop,

- they'll throw me in jail or something.
- What?

Mm-hm.

Yeah. That's the world we're living in.

I get assaulted and then I get in
trouble and a criminal walks free.

God, I just wish it was him.

Yeah. Me too.

I know you think that if you find
the person who did this,

it's gonna make you feel better.

I really don't think it will.

I guess I just wanted my
f*cking three minutes of hope.

But no.

Yeah.

Hope will burn you like that.

Yeah.

[WATER RUNNING]

Jen!

Is it?

Yeah, it is.

- It's positive now, right?
- Yeah. It is.

- Holy sh*t.
- And that's two lines, not one, right?

- Yes, clearly, yes.
- Clearly.

My God, you know what that means?

Yeah. That I'm the assh*le
that bought you the cheap test.

Yeah, who buys store brand?
I thought you were my friend.

- Who cares? You're pregnant.
- Oh, my God!

You're not pregnant.

Sorry, what?

You're not pregnant.

Oh, no, but I...

In fact, your estrogen
levels are so low,

it'd be impossible for you
to get pregnant.

I'm so sorry.

No, but the test said
that I was pregnant.

Unfortunately,
if you leave it out for too long,

it can show false positive.

I don't understand. Then what are
all these symptoms that I'm having?

Those symptoms can also be indicative
of early menopause.

I'm so sorry.

Uh, yeah. I would say that
Perez's tone was firm.

Um...

The words "cease and desist" were used.

[NICK] Ah, okay.

Understood.

I am so sorry, Nick.
I hope I didn't get you in any trouble.

Oh, no. No, don't worry about it.
You didn't get me in any trouble.

Hey. I also wanted to say sorry
about you and Judy.

Yeah. That didn't quite work out
the way I'd hoped.

[SIGHING] Most things don't.

What can you do, though?

Look, I love Judy, but I will be
the first to admit that she...

she can be a little hard to pin down.

Yeah.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Yeah.

I'm not.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

And I never will be.

I gotta go. It's an emergency.

Yeah. Me too.

[JUDY SOBS]