03x03 - Crushing It

[bunniefuu]

Well, thank you guys for gathering.

I called you to this emergency
meeting because I have some news.

- Jo, you might wanna film for posterity.
- Hmm.

[CLEARS THROAT] So, here's the news.

♪ Doo, doo ♪

- [JO] In a meeting! Leave!
- Okay.

It's okay. He can stay.

You might wanna hear this.

- Nah, I'm good.
- [JO] Stay and listen!

- Okay.
- [CLEARS THROAT]

Anyway, Montreal just called
with some rather surprising news.

You got named in the
sexual harassment lawsuit.

- Huh?
- You better lawyer up.

- I'll make some calls.
- I don't need a lawyer.

You're gonna want a
lawyer. The guys in prison

who represented themselves,

they always got the longest sentences.

Harassment stuff's hard to shake.

I've not been named in a
sexual harassment lawsuit.

- Good defense.
- It's not a defense. It's the truth.

I've never sexually assaulted anyone.

[CHUCKLES] So, Jo, please stop filming.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, then what's the news?

They wanna make a Mythic Quest movie,

and I'm gonna be named
the executive producer.

That's all.

Aren't you already
the executive producer?

Of the game, not of the
movie. Thought it was...

- Celebrate this man!
- Don't force it.

David, this was neither an
emergency, nor a meeting.

- And I don't have time for it.
- Yeah.

- W... Hold on. Wh... Where you going?
- [BRAD SIGHS]

Oh. No, I thought you were done
bragging about your successes,

and I have to get back
to handling the trash

in order to stay out of prison.

I can stay if you want to
talk about your salary, or...

- All right. Just go.
- Okay.

How dare they disrespect you.

You wanted to share your achievements,

and they come in here
looking like sad sacks?

- I can make them sad.
- What?

I can put them in sacks.

No, Jo. You're coming off a
little intense, even for you.

You know what? Take
the day off, you know.

- Go hang out with your friends.
- Friends.

Actually, you know what, Jo?

On your way down, stop
by GrimPop. Send Ian up.

Well, he's always wanted to
bring MQ to Hollywood,

- but I'm the first one to pull it off.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Yes, send him up.

I wanna watch his weird square
face fall when I tell him the news.

[INHALES SHARPLY] This is
the year of Brittlesbee.

Come on, code baby, code. Work for Mama.

That's it. Now don't you embarrass me,

or you won't be getting any
french fries, not even one.

[INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES SHARPLY] Okay.

Yes!

♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
♪ Slice, slice ♪

♪ Dun, dun, dun ♪

How the rest of the song
goes. Ian, once again I have...

done the impossible.

Whoo-hoo!

[BAG RUSTLES]

Hey! Ole tester, get your
grubby mitts off my chips.

Hi! Sorry, I was just trying
to get a snack for the road.

Is Dana around?

Nah, nah, I shat out some
busywork programming tool

for her and Ian so
they'd leave me alone.

- I think they took it out to the desert.
- Why the desert?

Ian likes a dramatic backdrop.

Right now they're probably
getting in the zone

and, like, shoving crystals
up their asses and meditating.

- Wait, what?
- Anyway, who cares what they're doing?

He doesn't care that
I've been grinding on this

vertical slice for weeks,

and I finally finished it like a boss.

- Hey! That's awesome!
- Now go away.

I've gotta tune this
predictive simulation engine.

Wait, you... [SCOFFS] You just
accomplished something huge.

You can't just go back to
working. We need to celebrate.

- We?
- Yeah, I did say "we".

Uh, yeah, sure. Why not?

School can wait. [GASPS] Ooh,
you know what we should do?

We should go to brunch, huh?

Nothing says a party like pancakes.

You know, pan... pancakes.

Do you like pancakes? Maple syrup?
I don't know what your vibe is.

- Waffles? Give me something.
- I do like pancakes.

Okay, 'cause you were
really not emoting at all.

You know what? Screw it.

If Ian gets to go out to
the desert and get naked

and smoke peyote with
a bunch of crypto bros,

then I can have fun too.

That was extremely specific.
Should I be worried? Is Dana okay?

- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Ian! Ian!

- Ian Elizabeth Grimm.
- Is that his middle name?

Where's the man of the house?

I'm here to retrieve him for David,
and it's of the utmost importance.

- Ian!
- Stop yelling! He's not here.

He and Dana are probably
in a sweat lodge somewhere,

just b*ating themselves
with dry branches.

Is that what's happening?

I'll text him. I'll tell him
that David's looking for him.

Okay, good.

Task complete.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[IMITATES POPPING, CLICKS TONGUE]

That means I'm done for the day.

So, I am going to go hang out

with my friends.

[SOFTLY] Um...

[STAMMERS] Jo, do
you, um, like pancakes?

[EPIC MUSIC PLAYING]

- [KNOCKS]
- Hey, Carol. Can I take out your trash?

- Go nuts.
- Thanks.

[SIGHING]

- You okay?
- Mm-hmm. Busy.

Oh, yeah. I can see that.

You know, as janitor,
I see a lot of things.

Like the, uh, three
or four résumés a day

that you've been throwing in the trash,

or the buildup of smudges
on your phone screen

from playing so much Candy
Crush that you must be on level .

I'm on .

[SIGHS] Damn, see. I mean, the old
Brad would've gotten that dead-on.

Fine. [SCOFFING] I'm not okay.
[CHUCKLES] And I'm not busy.

I mean, your girl on
struggle street, honestly.

Let me guess. You're having
a crisis of conscience

because Montreal made you the HODI,

- but they won't...
- HODI?

The HODI. The Head of
Diversity and Inclusion.

HODI. I figured you were
sick of saying the full title.

[SIGHING] Yeah, I am.

So they made you the HODI,
but they won't give you money

- to make an actual difference.
- Yes.

Yep. You just need to make a whole
bunch of money out of thin air.

[SCOFFS] That's all I need to do, huh?

Old Brad used to do that every
day back when I was the HOMIE.

Okay, tell me what HOMIE is...

Head of Monetization and
Internet E-Commerce. The HOMIE.

- Sure.
- But, you know, that was a long time ago.

Long time ago.

It wasn't that long ago.

- Can I talk to old Brad for a second?
- Wait, you wanna talk to the HOMIE?

[GULP] Yep, I wanna talk to HOMIE.

Walk with me.

A lot of filming in Bulgaria these days,

but, uh, I've got my fingers
crossed for Iceland, you know.

It's, uh, where I
proposed to my ex-wife.

Sort of a full-circle
moment to come back

a successful movie producer, I suppose.

Uh, either way,

um, I... I just want
you to hear it from me

before it hits the old trades.

You know, again, it's...
it's nothing personal.

It's just "bidness".

Oh! Just "bidness".

- [LAUGHS] Oh, that's good.
- Yeah, you like that?

You know, things have
just been so much better

since you started leading MQ.

- You know, you gave me your old office...
- Oh, well.

... and access to
fresh air and sunlight.

You know, my plants and I
are forever in your debt.

Yeah, I see you have a lot of
plants and, uh, and cat things too.

- A lot of cat things.
- Well, I hope to have one, one day.

[LAUGHS] Fingers crossed.

- You don't have a cat?
- Not yet.

Now, can I just ask for
one more little favor?

- Sure thing.
- Don't do it.

Sorry?

The players, they hate
adaptations of games.

- They haven't even seen ours.
- They don't have to, and they won't.

They will band together
online, ruin its reputation,

and spew pure evil at us.

- Specifically me.
- Okay, Sue, ours is gonna be different.

You know, it'll be accessible
to everyone, not just gamers.

They will hate that, all right?
This game is their special place.

You can't just waltz into
someone's special place

and mess with their stuff.

- They'll lose their gosh darn minds!
- Huh.

You're right.

A certain type of person
just hates not having control.

Well, s-sure and...

And it might make him
cry. [LAUGHS] Oh, yes.

- Him?
- Ian.

Yeah, well, I sent for
him to come up a while ago,

and he hasn't come up. Why?

Because he's trying
to take away my moment.

Well, I can take back my power
by going into his special place,

shoving the news in his face.

Reclaim my power just like I'm gonna
reclaim that waterfall in Iceland

where I proposed to my wife.

- Ex-wife.
- Yeah, that's what I meant.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Yes. This
time it's super personal.

[SINGSONGY] Oh.

Why are there so many people
here? Don't they have actual jobs?

Jo, brunch is about so
much more than just food.

Yes.

- Right?
- Yeah.

It's... It's a safe space

- where we can be ourselves, you know?
- Mm-hmm.

- It's like a... like a circle of trust.
- Well said.

You know, we talk, we laugh...

- [EXCLAIMS]
- ... and everyone just feels better.

Yeah, Jo. [LAUGHS] Act like
you've been to the brunch before.

- Did you say "the brunch?"
- Yeah.

It's... It's just brunch.

No, I know. I j... I just, um...
We say it different in Australia.

- You say "the brunch" in Australia?
- Yeah.

Is that not how you guys
say it? That's weird.

Ladies, your table's set.

Table's ready, so.

What do you do for work?

Jo, what are you doing? No, no, no.

- Asking a genuine question.
- [RACHEL] I'm sorry.

I don't see what's so wrong with that.

Yeah, Berkeley's actually really
great. I can't wait to go back.

I'm building such a
community there. [CHUCKLES]

Jesus Christ! How much did you order?

The pancakes are for the
table, gals. Dig in. [CHUCKLES]

Although, actually don't eat too
much 'cause a lot of it is to-go,

because I'm kind of
between paychecks right now.

You know how it is.

- Poppy, you're paying for this, right?
- Hmm? Yeah, sure. Uh, it's a party.

Hey! Here's to me crushing it at work

and being a total badass that
doesn't need Ian's validation.

[RACHEL] Hell, yes!

And here's to me crushing it at
school and making a ton of new friends.

Hey.

- Jo, what are you celebrating?
- Mmm.

Mmm, this girl I went to
school with used to bully me.

She lost her house in a tornado.

I did it wrong, didn't I?

- Uh...
- [STAMMERS] Mmm.

No. It... That... It was...

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

You know what? Here's to Jo
crushing it at the brunch.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

- It's just brunch, to be clear.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah. No, that's clear.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[DAVID] Brittlesbee in the house!

Stupid office.

Yo, Ian!

Poppy?

Taking your candy.

I mean, are you serious? [SCOFFS]

All right, gonna stand me up?

All right, power play me.

Sad.

Oh, my God. Looks like a Tokyo subway.

Uh... Mmm.

Where's the buttons?
Where are the buttons?

Hmm. Elevator open?

Activate elevator.

[IMITATING POPPY] Elevator open.

What the... [SCOFFS]

[ECHOING] Hello!

Okay, not that I care,
but it is kind of annoying

that Ian couldn't even,
like, thumbs up my text.

Yeah, so annoying.

I thought you said you
didn't need his validation.

I don't. I don't, but I just...

Just... Just be on my side, okay, Jo?

Women supporting women is
what the brunch is all about.

- It's just brunch.
- [POPPY] Yeah.

But yes, totally. You're
so right about Ian.

- Screw him.
- Yeah.

He's probably ignoring you because
he feels threatened by your success.

- Yes.
- He's trying to steal your thunder

'cause he can't handle
how empowered you are.

Totally. Mm-hmm.

Maybe he tried to text you, but
he ended up m*nled in a car crash.

I did it wrong again, didn't I?

- Uh...
- No, that was... that was great.

- It just trends a little dark.
- It's a little dark.

I don't think he actually crashed.

I just thought we were telling
lies to make ourselves feel better.

Jo, we're not lying, we're
supporting each other.

Oh, okay.

Maybe Ian just sucks.

- Yes. Ian does suck.
- Yes. Mm-hmm.

- And we are all the best.
- Yes!

We are badass b*tches who
are popular and happy, baby!

Yes! To empowered women at brunch.

- Brunch!
- You did it!

[STAMMERS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

[SOBS] I don't want
to go back to school.

[CRYING] Everyone there hates me.

Text me back, d*ck!

[RACHEL] And they're all so smart.

Like, I only found out
last week that Beowulf

was the name of the author,

not the name of the book.

Like, I thought his name was...
I thought his name was "Bayo Wolf".

[SOBBING] They probably
think I'm so f*cking stupid.

They probably do.

[GASPS] Jo!

I was being supportive.
I was agreeing with you.

At least they notice you at all.

I mean, I've spent
e... every waking moment

of the past decade with Ian, and...

and he doesn't even
give a crap about me.

That's so sad.

[BOTH SOBBING]

So, this is brunch.

You want us to design another
loot box for you guys to sell?

We need to make a quick buck. So
I'm gonna need my usual team, okay?

I need Rick, Mellie.
I need Kel for sure.

They all quit. They were
overworked and underpaid.

That's the problem, Phil.

[SCOFFS] We need to fix the
entire culture at this company.

That's right. And that's why we
need you to work through the weekend.

We're gonna generate some revenue
off the backs of these moron players.

Sounds like you're generating
revenue off the backs of us.

I see how you would see that. Okay.

But actually, the goal here
is to increase the budget

so we can bring in some new faces.

You're hiring new people?

But you aren't paying
the ones you already have.

- That's not my department.
- [CLICKS TONGUE] Uh, or mine.

- I'm so confused.
- Okay, sorry.

Phil, to clarify, I'm
HODI and he's HOMIE.

Well, technically FHOMIE,
the Former Head of.

But he's helping me
out today. Do you see?

HOMIE. FHOMIE.

HODI. CHODI, if you
will. Current Head of.

Am I getting fired?

- [CHUCKLES] Wh...
- [CHUCKLES] Fired?

- Why would you think that?
- Because you're head of HR.

I'm HODI, Phil. I just told you that.

Wait, wait, wait, Carol. No, he's right.

- I'm getting fired?
- No.

- Yes.
- What?

- What?
- Okay, maybe not now, but soon.

I mean, this entire model is outdated.

If we're gonna change
things, we got to go big.

- Like, really big.
- Jesus.

Hello?

Hello?

No buttons anywhere. I mean,
not a button on the floor.

[ECHOES] Help!

Ah! Ah! Mmm. Ah.

♪ Every morning there's a halo ♪

Pretty good.

♪ Every morning there's a halo ♪

Ninety-one, .

[VOCALIZING]

♪ Seventy-six trombones â™
â™ In the big para... ♪

[SOBS]

♪ Followed by rows and rows â™
â™ Of the finest virtuosos ♪

Keep the body sharp.
[PANTING] Keep the mind sharp.

[SIGHS]

Mmm.

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, you're
gonna die in here.

[EPIC MUSIC PLAYING]

So, we just wanted to prepare you

for any questions the players might
have about our new NFT initiative.

- Super. Super. Super.
- [BRAD] That's right.

Loot boxes are a thing of the
past. NFTs are the future, Sue.

NFT, huh? Hey, I got an NFT
for ya. No f*cking thanks.

- Excuse me?
- No f*cking thanks!

N, no. f*cking, F. T, thanks.

- Sue.
- It's o... It's okay.

It's good she's approaching
this with her eyes open.

- What do you mean?
- Well, Sue here is about to feel

the weight of the entire gaming
Internet on top of her head.

Mm-hmm. See, there is nothing
that players hate more than NFTs.

Mmm, that's not true.
Remember DLC in ' ?

- Oh, yeah.
- Free to play in .

- Horse armor in ' .
- Oh, God.

Then the loot boxes, season passes.

Gamers hate everything.
Everything new, that is.

But eventually they adopt it,
learn to like it, forget about it,

and then direct their anger

towards the next commodification
of their pleasure.

- Now I'm confused.
- [BRAD] Mm-hmm.

- Are NFTs good or bad?
- Yes.

[CAROL] That is not an answer.

Where are you going?

No. I'm going back
underground where I was safe.

- From the players?
- No, from you!

You people coming in here
with your crazy ideas,

torturing me with the
knowledge of my future pain.

I was better off in the
basement. In the dark.

[SNORING]

Why do we keep finding
people sleeping in our office?

- Should we wake him?
- David!

[GRUNTS] What the...

[GASPS] Where did you come from?

Huh? We've been here all day.

- We were in the lounge.
- There's a lounge?

Where is the lounge?

- It's this way.
- And this way.

- It's both ways.
- And neither.

[GROANS] I hate you both.
And neither. [CHUCKLES]

I'm getting the hell out of here.

Okay, how do you call the elevator?

With our minds.

We just think about the
elevator and it comes.

- Really?
- Nah, I'm just f*cking with you.

- Button right here.
- [BEEPS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Definitely don't like this.

Oh, and how's this for a power
move? I pissed in your office.

- It looks like you pissed in your pants.
- Mmm.

Well, yeah, but I pissed
in my pants in your office.

So... [CHUCKLES] Oh,
no. Is this going up? No.

Just think "down," David.

Office, cyan.

[OFFICE VOICE] Cyan.

- Yeah. That's nice. That is nice.
- That's nice.

- [CAR HORN HONKS]
- Whoa.

[GROANS]

Oh, my God. I have to stop eating
gluten. It really wipes me out.

Where are we?

About minutes outside of Vegas.

Why are we in another state?

To do something you
would never normally do.

[POPPY] A g*n range?

- [RACHEL] No, no, no. I hate g*ns.
- [JO] You know what I hate?

Listening to entitled women
cry into their cheap champagne

and overpriced eggs about
how hard the world is.

But I tried something different,
and it got me out of my funk.

Gave me a fresh perspective.

Now, I'd like to return the favor.

[g*nsh*t]

- This is way different to brunch.
- No, it isn't.

You've got your community,
and I've got mine.

- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey, darlin'.

- sh**ting or crushing?
- Crushing.

- All right.
- [POPPY] Crushing?

Are we getting crushed? Are
we crushing someone else?

What does that mean?

- This place is shady as sh*t, Jo.
- To you. It's shady as sh*t to you.

There are billion
people on this planet.

Millions of them would
not find this place shady.

- [SIGHS] Is this a weird political thing?
- No, it's not a political thing.

This is a cure to your actual problems.

[SIGHS] See, your heads are
jammed so far up your own assholes,

you can't see there's
a whole world out there

that doesn't give a sh*t
about you or what you're doing.

But the more important
you think you are,

the more important you
think your problems are.

And so, you spin and
bitch and bitch and spin.

But today, we're gonna break the cycle.

[t*nk DRIVER CHEERING]

Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo!

Crush.

Are we getting in the t*nk?

I just think that this sends
the wrong message about...

Stop thinking! Stop thinking about

what other people will think about you.

Not Ian, not your douchebag
classmates, not anybody.

The only question you should
be asking yourselves is,

"Do you want to drive the t*nk?"

[BOTH] Yes.

All right. Let's go.

["UPTIGHT (EVERYTHING'S
ALL RIGHT)" PLAYING]

- [CHEERS] Yeah!
- I can't believe this is happening!

I feel so powerful!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

- [POPPY LAUGHS]
- Screw Berkeley! Screw Beowulf!

[BOTH LAUGHING, SHOUTING]

[POPPY] Yeah! I wanna crush something!

Poppy, Ian texted you back!

Ian who? Throw it in the
car! I'm gonna crush it!

Yeah, crush it!

[BOTH CHEERING]

[LAUGHING]

[POPPY YELLS] Yes!

Jo, this is so much better than brunch.

- Yes.
- [POPPY CHEERS]

Do it again!

[BOTH] Do it again! Do it again!

[BOTH] Do it again! Do
it again! Do it again!

Friends.