03x04 - Where Do We Go Now?

[bunniefuu]

Oh! f*ck.

sh*t.

No, no.

No, not again. No.

The environment's

Hey, Char, what is this?

- What are you watching?

- I'm different. I wanna go home.

That's my only objective. Get home.

It'll be five years and nine months.

I'm more than ready to go home.

You don't appreciate what you

have until you don't have it.

You shouldn't have

gotten caught, Connie.

I was watching that.

No, you weren't. Nobody

should be watching that.

Okay.

All right.

What what are you doing?

My zipper is stuck, so

I need some help, please.

Well, uh, you you can

OMG, don't make this awkward,

Charlie. Just zip up the dress.

Okay.

Are you sure you don't want

me to come to the funeral?

Uh, I don't wanna go, so

why would I make you go?

I'm just going to say goodbye.

To Steve?

No, to Ben.

I mean, he doesn't live here.

So, after today, I won't I

won't need to see him anymore.

Which is good, honestly.

Because that family is just

They are a riptide.

It's just really hard to be

It's just oh, fu

Good talking with you, kid.

So glad I'm raising an empath.

What?

Unfortunately, the biopsy confirmed

that it is cervical cancer,

and it has spread to your liver.

And when we see these masses

so far from where they started,

it means we're looking

at a stage four diagnosis.

I know this is hard to hear,

but there is a path forward.

Surgery isn't an option, but

we will start with chemotherapy,

and if that is successful,

you'll move on to radiation.

One step at a time.

Judy?

- Judy?

- Is that your boat?

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

It's beautiful. I always wanted a boat.

- That's a catamaran, right?

- Yeah.

- I know this is a lot to process.

- Hmm.

So, if you have any questions, I'm

What if I had never gotten those scans?

What do you mean?

I just mean that if I had

never gotten in that accident,

I wouldn't even know that I have it.

Well, then it's a good thing you did.

Because now you do know,

and we can get started treating

it as quickly as possible.

Right, but I just I feel fine.

I mean, I feel a little sore

from the accident, but

I definitely don't feel anything

like what you're say

saying that it is.

I get that this is hard to accept.

No, it it's not that.

Really, I Thank you.

But I just I th I

think I need another scan.

I just I feel like

maybe the biopsy was faulty

or maybe, like, the needle

lady did something wrong.

Because, honestly,

this whole thing just,

like, came out of nowhere.

So I think maybe it's

just like a mistake, right?

Death comes for us all.

But our ability to live fully

lies in our willingness to accept

that death is a part of life.

When the unspeakable happens,

when someone is taken too young

or by unthinkable v*olence,

as Jesus himself was,

it shakes our very foundation.

In these darkest of times,

we must look to God's

light and to one another

for comfort and community so

we may begin to heal together.

Amen.

Let's go say goodbye to Ben and

then get the f*ck out of here.

- Oh, do I have to take you to work?

- What?

What did the mechanic say?

- What?

- About your car?

Oh. Oh, yeah, right. He said

it's fine. It's totally fine.

- Are you okay?

- No, this is really intense.

Yeah, this is a f*ck ton of awful.

All right, why don't I just slip out,

and we can send them some

flowers and a nice note?

Don't you think that's

a little impersonal?

Look, that's kind of the point.

I mean, I'm the last person

who should be personal

- Hey.

- Hey.

Thank you both so much

for coming. It really

- Yeah. Oh, gosh.

- It really means a lot.

- We wouldn't have missed this.

- Of course, no, yeah.

- We had to be here. This is what we do.

- We wanna say goodbyes and stuff.

I'm so sorry. I love you.

Thank you, Jude.

- All right, me

- Aww.

Oh, I'm sure my mother

would love to see you.

Oh, she would?

Might wanna give it a b*at.

Yeah.

We're gonna say goodbye to Eileen,

and then we are out of here.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but Eileen is standing

right next to the casket.

Yeah, I noticed that.

It's not sitting well.

- Who's the guy in the wheelchair?

- That's the dad. Jim.

What? The dad's in a wheelchair?

- What happened?

- They never talk about it.

I've never seen him without that

blanket, so it can't be good.

Oh, gosh. Yeah, well, it can't

be as bad as an open casket.

Why would you do that? It's like,

no one wants to be remembered

looking like yourself,

but make it marzipan.

You know what? If I die before

you, keep my sh*t locked down.

You're not dying. No one is dying.

- Hey, girl.

- Hey, girl.

- So tragic, right, girl?

- Right, girl.

He never got to see the Northern

Lights or open that hotel.

Or go on safari to Africa and

- And k*ll an elephant.

- Ah!

That is so awful.

- He just had so much life

left to live. - Mm-hmm.

Makes you really wanna carpe

diem the day, right, girl?

- Right, girl.

- Right this way, girls.

Okay.

I know.

I know.

Oh, God.

- Okay, we don't have to look.

- I can't.

- I'm looking.

- Me too.

- I'm so confused.

- What is happening?

Isn't it horrible?

The body was NSFF.

What the what does that mean?

Not suitable for a funeral.

You can't pour soup into a suit.

Apparently, the FBI is

still scrubbing the body,

well, the husk of it, for evidence.

- God, really?

- Mm-hmm.

Judy, I see you came.

Of course, Eileen.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

- It doesn't feel real.

- None of it does.

- I always loved this suit on him.

- Hmm.

He looked so good in blue.

Oh, he does, doesn't he?

Poor thing.

Such a devastating time

for her. And for me.

Mm. Here we go.

- She decided not to sell the mansion.

- Oh.

Said she couldn't let

go of one more thing,

which of course I understand.

- I wrote the book on loss.

- Actually a lot of books on loss.

- But it would've been

so much money. - Mm-hmm.

I could truly have had systemic wealth.

God, I'm so sorry for

your financial loss.

Thank you.

- I have to get out of here.

- I'm right behind you.

Oh, Jen, so kind of you to come.

- Save yourself.

- Thank you.

Eileen.

My condolences, really,

just all of the condolences.

Thank you, dear.

We're going to be heading back

to the house with a small group.

I I was hoping you'd care to join.

Oh, no, I really can't.

- I have

- I know it'd mean a lot to Benji.

He's having such a hard time.

He could really use a good friend.

Oh, Eileen, come here.

Okay.

Let it out.

Oh, sh*t.

Ay, Dios mío.

- Give me a break.

- You just got back from the hospital.

You're supposed to be on

bed rest. You cannot leave.

Those doctors don't know

what they're talking about.

I can't get fresh air? This

place smells like death.

Why don't you watch

some TV or something?

I mean, we can find you a telenovela.

- That's r*cist.

- Really?

Hey! Teri, I can tap

you out if you want.

- Are you sure?

- Happy to.

Thank you.

By the way, great top. I

love that neckline on you.

Are you serious? I got this on sale.

- What?

- Mm-hmm.

- Look at you, smart shopper!

- Thank you.

Yeah! Thank you!

- What the hell are you doing?

- Getting you out of here.

- This place does smell like death.

- It does, right?

- Heard it was a crime of passion.

- Yeah.

They're saying he was

stabbed in the head.

Can you imagine a

more painful way to go?

Get me the f*ck out of here.

Hey.

Hey! Did my mother guilt you

into coming to the after-party?

Oh, God, no. No, no. No,

I mean, that's not the

No, there's no guilt.

- No, I'm I'm happy to be here.

- Yeah, not guilt

- I'm not happy to be here.

- Yeah, no. Well yeah.

- Of course you're not happy.

- Because it's, uh

Yeah, who's happy?

Not me!

Yeah. Anyhoo, I, um

I'm assuming you're gonna be going

back to San Fran now that that

No, actually, um,

they asked me to stick

around while the FBI,

uh, do their thang.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- So

- That thang.

- Who's this?

Oh, sorry. Uh, this is my

father Jim. Dad, this is my

My friend Jen.

Happy to meet you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jim.

Me too.

Your children aren't

supposed to go before you.

It's not right.

No, it's not.

Ben, would you take my plate for me?

Sure, Dad.

He's a good boy.

Yeah, he is.

I'm so happy he finally met a nice girl.

Oh, no, no. I'm not, um

No, we're just friends.

Friends are good too.

Oh, no. That is my butt.

That is my butthole.

Would you excuse me? I just

I just need to, um, get

the f*ck away from you.

Where the f*ck is the bathroom?

What the f*ck?

What oh!

No, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Okay

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

- You've reached Ben. Leave a message.

- Oh, f*ck.

Okay.

I'm in hell.

None of you move, please.

Oh, come on now. You

don't know Celia Cruz?

- The Queen of Salsa?

- I gotta get into that. I love salsa.

Jesus, Mom. We've been

looking for you all over.

- Hi, Michelle.

- Judy, where were you?

Oh, we just took a stroll

on the boardwalk. She's fine.

You could have f*cking told somebody.

You're right. Sorry. Your

hair looks longer. It's nice.

Thanks. I gave up.

What is this? What are you

Mom, are you drinking a margarita?

I was.

She cannot mix alcohol

with her meds, Judy.

- She told me she wasn't taking any meds.

- She lied.

- Really?

- Great. Now she's wasted.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to take

her for some fresh air.

She's been in the hospital for so long.

Yeah, because she's immunocompromised.

She just had her second stroke, Judy.

What? I I had no idea.

I'm so sorry. I will

It it won't happen again.

No, it won't.

Hey, Judy, wait.

Can you just tell me if she had

anything else to eat or drink?

Oh, um

Just the one weak margarita. No salt.

And I did buy her one very

small cup of soft serve.

'Cause it's soft serve.

She loves soft serve.

Who doesn't? Right?

She also asked for a cherry

on top, but I said no.

'Cause I know that they

never wash those cherries.

- Yeah, those cherries are toilet fruit.

- Oh, the grossest.

Don't they, like, stay in your

stomach for, like, 200 years?

I'm so sorry, Michelle.

I know you must think

I'm a horrible person

after everything that

Perez I mean, uh, Ana, said.

I texted you a bunch. I

don't know if you got 'em.

I did.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Cool.

I really hope your mom is okay.

It was nice to see you.

Hey, she she's gonna be fine.

She had a really great time, by the way.

Really?

Yeah, I haven't seen her smile in

forever. It's almost kind of jarring.

I had never seen her teeth before.

They looked good!

You look good.

Think it's just the teeth.

They run in the family.

The rest of me is falling

apart at the seams,

I think is the medical term.

I know it can't be easy with your mom.

It very literally keeps me up at night.

I never knew that I could be this

f*cking stressed out about anything.

If you're up for it,

I know somewhere we can

get a weak margarita.

Don't you have to work?

Oh, no, I just got fired.

- Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

- No.

- No. Don't be.

- I can go talk to them.

- That's not

- Do not be sorry.

I actually, um

I actually think it's for the best.

Especially if it means that I

get to have a drink with you.

Not a m*rder*r, right?

No! God, no.

I mean, sometimes my jokes k*ll.

I'll go get my jacket.

Do you know what room you're in?

Um

Yeah, it seems like some sort of, um,

Victorian nightmare space?

Ah. Okay. I'm coming.

No.

No. Oh.

Okay, what

This is the twin doll room.

- Because my mother collects twin dolls.

- So there are two of them. Okay.

I just because I really

thought I was, like, going wah!

No, no.

And what why ?

Excellent question. It all

started when we were young.

Steve and I always had

to have the same toy.

And then we grew out of

dolls, and my mom didn't.

Okay.

Just curious.

Uh, do they actually

come as as a twin set,

or did she buy

- No one actually knows.

- Oh, got it. Got it.

Uh, and are are

Excuse me, are they supposed to blink?

Because I'm I'm pretty

sure a couple of them blinked.

Yeah, I don't

I don't know. Maybe.

Maybe.

How you doing?

Hmm?

I'm

I wouldn't say I'm living

my best life, you know.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

I've just been trying to

keep it all together

for my parents, you know?

But I'm not sure how much longer

I'm gonna be able to do that.

Well, maybe you

you need to let it out.

How do you do that?

What do you think?

Uh, they're talented.

- Uh

- You hate it.

No, no, no. I ju I

Maybe I just don't get it?

Uh, what? Do you just

Do you just kind of

scream along with 'em?

Yeah, or just have them scream for you.

Maybe you just need, like, a deeper cut.

Hmm. Let's see. Something good.

Yeah, you know, I I'm actually

more of a classic country kinda guy.

- Ugh.

- Oh.

Really?

Willie Nelson? Dolly Parton?

I I mean, sure

Here.

Die, m*therf*cker ♪

Die, m*therf*cker ♪

I will never be your sl*ve ♪

Die, m*therf*cker ♪

I used to listen to this

a lot after Ted d*ed.

Why?

I don't know.

It sounded like like how I felt.

I wasl was angry.

Can I play you something?

Okay.

Let's see what the future holds.

Oh, the death card.

- That's weird.

- I mean, it's not literal.

It's more like about a

big life change, you know?

Yeah, yeah, no, no, I know.

It's just, uh, whew! He

looks a a little deathy.

What, the, uh, skeleton on

horseback holding a scythe?

Not comforting?

Not so much.

- Okay

- Ooh, that's a lot of knives.

- Wow!

- And a noose.

Yeah, that's a noose.

- You got a lot of sh*t going on right now.

- Yeah.

Uh, that's an accurate deck.

- Do you wanna talk about it?

- No, I wanna drink about it.

Okay, let's drink about it.

I think that card was

meant for me anyway.

- The restaurant closed last week.

- What?

Yeah.

- No! -

Mm-hmm.

That place was so beautiful.

Thanks, but, you know, it's

like how they always say.

When one door closes,

then God just flattens

the f*ck out of your town.

- Oh.

- And you gotta move out west.

Really? Is that what they say?

No, I don't know, probably not.

I'm really bad at remembering quotes.

Okay, well, since God just

f*cking flattened your town,

what, uh, are you gonna do next?

Well

It's, um, it's early days, but

Um

What? What?

I don't know. I'm having trouble

saying this out loud. It's funny.

Um, okay.

There is an opportunity in Sonoma for me

to possibly open up my own restaurant.

What? Michelle!

Judy!

I know. It's a really great space,

and it's attached to an organic winery.

I love organic wine! I think. I

don't know if I've ever had it.

I mean, nothing's signed yet,

but it feels good to say it.

It felt good to hear it. Ah!

So what about you?

What about me?

Well, your life is

kind of wide open now.

So, if you could do anything that

you wanted to do, what would you do?

Mm.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Do we know what we're doing?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm not

really in a place to like

Oh, God. No, no, no, not me either.

Okay.

So like, you just you just sit around

and just cry to this?

Are you kidding? Definitely yes.

Oh.

- No, it's not that I

always cry to it. - Mm-hmm.

Sometimes I

- I sing along.

- Oh.

I fall ♪

To pieces ♪

How can I be just your friend? ♪

You want me to act ♪

Like we never kissed ♪

You want me to forget ♪

Yeah, I can see why

you why you like it.

Yeah.

And I've tried and I've tried ♪

Uh, you know what, um,

what else would help

when when Ted d*ed was

is is getting up and and moving.

- Oh, yeah? -

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I mean, any physical activity

can just be a a release, you know?

In fact one time,

I smashed a car with a golf club.

That felt really good.

Really?

- Wow.

- Yeah.

I hope it was your car.

Uh, no. No.

I thought it was the guy who hit Ted.

It wasn't.

But I mean, I didn't

know that at the time.

Oh, got gotcha.

Mm-hmm.

I know that's hard.

The not knowing.

Yeah, I know you know.

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

Why? You didn't hit him.

No, but I

I hit you.

What? Uh

I don't understand.

- That's 'cause it doesn't make sense.

- Hmm?

But it was me.

I was

I was driving the car

that hit you and Judy.

I I'd just gotten

the call about Steve,

and I started drinking, and I

I couldn't stop.

I got in my car, and I I took off.

And I didn't

I didn't stop.

And I get it.

You never wanna see me again.

But I had to tell you.

You want me to act ♪

Like we've never kissed ♪

I don't wanna jinx it, but I think

I might actually get some sleep tonight.

I'm so glad.

You really are a

happy-maker. You know that?

You're a happy-maker.

Seriously.

Thank you.

For what?

I didn't know how

badly I needed tonight.

It's, like, weirdly cathartic.

Yeah.

I have cancer.

I have cancer.

You walk by and I fall to pieces ♪

Wow.

You walk by and I fall to pieces ♪