07x02 - Add-a-Dad/Squirrely Puffs

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings.

Float-y crown-y things.

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

Yeah, right.

[Lively organ music]

[All cheering]

Father-son day at the ballpark.

What could make this more perfect?

Cheesedogs?

Look, son, cheesedogs!

Now it's perfect.

I'm glad we finally get to spend a day together, dad.

Me too, timmy.

Our father-son bond is very important to me.

Nothing but nothing should ever

Stand in the way of spending time with--

[Cell phone rings]

Got to go.

Time for my job as a rocket boot tester.

But I thought your job involved--

What do you do again?

I have many jobs, timmy,

So we can have enough money to really enjoy life,

Which we can't do because I'm so busy.

Man, that's irony for you.

But don't worry;

This dad doll will keep you company

And dispense fatherly advice.

Never look a badger directly in the eyes, timmy.

Smack!

You and your cheesedog-eating baseball mitt

Won't even know I'm gone.

[Tinny clicking]

[Groans]

[Screaming]

These boots are faulty.

Father-son night at the movies.

What could be better than--

[Cell phone rings]

Got to go.

Time for my other, other job

As a canine att*ck-dog dummy.

Another job?

Never poke a sleeping clown, timmy.

[Inhales deeply]

[Blows whistle]

[Dogs snarling]

[Screaming]

[Dog growling]

This suit is faulty.

I'm sure glad we--

[Cell phone rings]

Never mind.

[Yelps]

Time for my shift as shark bait.

The dad doll can help you win the tug-of-w*r, son.

[Inhales deeply]

Don't tell your mother I borrowed her ham necklace.

[Blows whistle]

[Sharks roaring]

[Grunting]

These sharks work fine.

[Screams]

Never use a carrot as a w*apon, timmy.

Moo!

So, dad,

Are you finally done working so we can go have fun?

Not even close, son.

But you're always with me in spirit

While I'm at my various jobs,

'Cause I had your name tattooed on my ankle

When you were born.

"Bono"?

Uh...that's what I wanted to name you,

But your mother had other, more lame ideas,

Obviously.

And until you're old enough to support me,

I have to make money.

That's what this cash cow is for.

If I feed it green paper, I can milk money out of it...

In theory.

Moo!

Whoa, that's not money.

Too bad, 'cause dad dolls don't grow on trees, you know.

Moo!

Crash!

[Rockets f*ring up]

[Screams]

Still faulty.

This stinks.

It sure does.

Whew!

Don't step in the muddy, wanda.

Your dad's trying his best, timmy.

It's not like he can be in two places at once, you know.

Two places at once.

Wanda, that's it!

I wish I had a second dad.

Well, off to my shift at the slingshot factory, son.

Have a great day at work, dad,

While I go kite-flying with dad number two.

Whack!

Here's my fatherly advice:

Let's go have fun!

[Screaming]

Uh, that slingshot was faulty.

Okay, let's go.

[Cell phone rings]

Hold on.

Due to the faulty slingshot,

Your real dad is going to miss his shift as a matador.

[Inhales deeply] [blows whistle]

[Screams]

[Bulls roar]

Wow, those elephants look mad.

Now dad number two has to work?

Sorry about that, sport.

But you can still fly us with the dad doll.

I love your duct tape necktie, dear.

Never run with your underwear pulled over your eyes, timmy.

Well, I'm mom,

But thank you for the interesting advice.

Never mind.

Okay, this time I'm not taking any chances.

I wish for enough dads so I'll never be without one.

[Lively organ music]

Another ball game.

Awesome!

[Cell phone rings]

Oops. Time for work.

Sorry. I have to go, timmy.

It's okay, dad. I've got it covered.

All: hey, batter, hey, batter, hey, batter.

Swing, batter!

cr*ck!

Sweet!

Thanks, dad .

Roar!

[Dads whimpering]

Roar!

I may be scary,

But my brain's no bigger than a chicken's.

[Span]jurassic dad.[/Span]

This movie's awesome.

You're right, and that t-rex is dreamy.

Who's got the popcorn?

All: we do!

[All grunting]

[All cheering]

Yes! Good job, dads.

Good night, dad .

I had a great time with you today.

At least, I think it was you.

I'm sure it was.

Sweet dreams.

Wait!

I didn't get my timmy time today.

Throw me some love, t-bone.

No, no, no. It's my turn with timmy.

We're gonna have bacon cake at the cake and bacon.

Let's go cow-tipping, timmy.

[Dads speaking indistinctly]

[Timmy groaning]

Bacon! Cake! Cow!

[Grunting]

Timmy, have you been down here all night?

Only since about : in the morning.

Having all these dads sure is great.

But I could really use some timmy time

And a nap.

Good morning, son.

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

Ready for our trip to the toenail museum?

Boring.

I'm taking timmy to the lint store.

Lame!

He and I are going to the shoe lace showroom.

[All speaking at once]

Timmy, be my son today!

Timmy! Timmy! Me!

Stop it, dads.

And get into the closet so I can talk to my cows.

I mean, think.

There's my timmy! He's got my eyes.

Your timmy? Timmy.

Oh, I got to find someplace where I can be alone.

The bathroom!

[Dads talking indistinctly]

A little privacy, please.

[Screams]

Bathroom full of dads!

[Dads shouting "timmy"]

Got to get cosmo and wanda

To wish away all these extra dads

Before this gets any more out of control.

Honey,

Breakfast.

Just finished.

And it was delicious.

And now it's time for another episode of

[Span]dads of our lives.[/Span]

Nurse, we're both dreamy.

Let's operate.

This is mildly unnerving.

Timmy, come back to us.

Hey, timmy, timmy! Timmy! Timmy!

Not you guys too!

We had to disguise ourselves as dads just to get in here.

This is getting out of hand.

I wish--

[Screams]

My timmy!

[Screams]

Finish your sentence.

We have no idea what you're wishing for.

I'm gonna take a guess.

I think he wants more dads.

Hallelujah!

It's raining dads.

Doctor, I keep seeing my husband everywhere I look.

Am I nuts?

Ooh, I'm gonna say yes.

That'll be $.

And I'm late for timmy.

[Screams]

What's happening to me?

All: time to battle to the dad.

Last one standing wins timmy.

All: hooray!

[Dads grumbling]

[Screaming]

Timmy is my son.

He isn't!

[Screams]

Aw, timmy's playing with his dads

And having the time of his life.

Cosmo, he's really in trouble.

We need to save him.

My rocket boots are still faulty,

And your friends are gorgeous, timmy.

Hey, where's timmy?

[Screams]

Stand down, gorgeous strangers.

Let go of my son!

Wow!

Thanks, one of my dads.

I mean, thanks, real dad.

You saved me.

Don't mention it, son.

That's what dads are for.

Now to get that handsome army off my lawn.

Wow.

I can't believe my dad saved me.

He was actually there for me when I needed him.

Uh, sport, I think it's time you returned the favor.

[Dads shouting indistinctly]

No clinging, well-coiffed strangers.

Oh, I know how to put a stop to this, timmy.

What we need is just a few hundred more dads.

No, cosmo.

We need to get rid of the extra dads we've got

Before they take over the planet.

Take over the planet.

Wanda, that's a great idea.

Wands up.

Welcome to planet of the dads.

Ooh, look,

Both: it's timmy! We love timmy.

Please come back to us, timmy.

[All chanting "timmy"]

Oh, they miss you, sport.

I know how to fix that.

Timmy dolls for everyone.

[All sobbing]

That wasn't me.

I didn't do it.

You can't prove anything.

Yay! We love our timmy dolls.

My fish ate my homework.

I hope this monkey can fly a plane.

What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, now everyone's happy.

Including me.

I don't care if my dad sometimes gets too busy for me.

One dad who loves me is enough.

Now let's go home

So I can spend some quality time with him.

Ahh!

Thanks for taking the day off to hang out with me, dad.

You bet, bono.

Hmm.

One timmy, one smiling green baseball mitt,

One baseball with giant baby eyes, and one dad.

Maybe I'm not crazy after all.

Let's go, honey.

I have monkeys in my underwear.

And that's why I love you.

Moo!

It's the end, timmy.

Squirrelly scout credo, ten hut.

I am a little squirrelly scout,

The squirrelly of thy speak.

I flick my tail and never fail

To stuff nuts in my cheeks.

Hey, sport,

Time for the annual squirrelly scout camping trip?

Both: ew!

This year is my big rite of passage:

Time for me to go hike up mount doomsdale

And go from boyhood to older boyhood.

Ooh!

We want to go to older boyhood too,

Especially wanda.

I don't know.

If mount doomsdale were baby-friendly,

The word "doom" wouldn't be in the name.

You guys have to come.

Otherwise there won't be a stable adult around.

Hey, hey, squirrelly son.

I'm already in my flying squirrel uniform.

Yeah.

So unstable.

Curse you, sudden wind current.

[Screams] crash!

Maybe we should come with you.

Give me a second to pack.

[Gobbling]

Cosmo, you're allergic to nuts.

No, I'm not.

[Whimpers]

Yes, I am.

Mount doomsdale doesn't look so bad.

Hey, mount doomsdale's over there.

[Wolf howls] [thunder booms]

[Bats squeaking]

Of course it is.

Okay, boys, time to hike our way

To older boyhood the way that only boys can.

Yeah, in a completely girl-free environment.

[Horn honks]

Okay, girls,

Let's get out and have our hike.

Timmy, don't look now,

But some freak in a cupcake suit

Has stolen your mother's minivan.

It's me, silly: mom.

I'm in my cream puff troop leader uniform.

We're going to climb mount doomsdale.

On our way from girlhood to older girlhood.

Hi, timmy.

I just got my mouth-to-mouth resuscitation badge.

[Smooching]

[Retches]

Cream puff credo.

Ready, girls?

Girls: I am a little cream puff,

A feisty modern girl.

I'm sweet and cute and smart to boot,

Much tougher than a squirrel.

Tougher than a squirrel?

My keen rodent ears detect a challenge.

From them?

They're just a bunch of girls dressed up like dessert.

I like their kneesocks.

Sounds like you boys need to be taught a lesson.

I bet you we can make it

To the top of mount doomsdale before you do.

Smack!

Oh-ho-ho. I accept your bet.

A bet against the really lame girls?

There's no way we can lose.

Especially with magic on our side.

Well, mr. Smarty-pants,

You should also know that fairy magic

Can't help you win competitions.

Who needs magic, timmy?

I'm a boy caterpillar, I think,

And I'll help you reach older boyhood.

Nothing will stop us from winning that bet,

Except maybe this yellow-bellied sap-sucker.

Mama.

Dada?

Don't cry, poof. Funny faces.

Funny faces!

[Giggles]

That's better.

Now, let's show them

How much better squirrels are than cream puffs.

Uh...

They left while you were making faces at your canteen.

See you at the top, timmy.

Ooh!

A trail of frosting.

Fear not, lads.

We're going to win that bet.

I may have forgotten to pack food

And everything else we need to survive...

All: what?

But I do have nuts in my cheeks.

All: ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

You can count on me, scouts.

I am focused and grounded.

Snap!

Curse you, pleasant forest breeze.

Okay, squirrelly scouts,

Let's conquer this mountain.

Crash! [Animal roaring]

[All screaming]

Something bit my shin.

And it had beady red eyes and really sharp teeth.

That was me.

I'm really hungry.

[Gnawing noise]

I've got poison ivy.

This never would have happened

If our uniforms had kneesocks.

At this pace, with no food or water

And our increased heart rates,

Scientifically speaking,

I'd say we have about hours to live.

Guys, get a grip.

If we're having problems,

Imagine how horribly the girls must be doing.

Hello, down there, boys.

We're b*ating you to the top of the mountain,

Thanks to these cute woodland critters

Who've befriended us.

Animals: ♪ la-la-la-la la la ♪

♪ La-la la

And they sing.

They're going to serenade us all the way to victory.

[Giggles]

See you at the top, timmy,

If you survive.

Barfing again.

[Retches]

[Sighs]

Smack!

Squirrelly scouts, I see a path to the top.

Take the shortcut through that dark and creepy cave.

Trust me, I have rodent vision.

Smack!

Curse you, supple sapling!

[Animal roars]

[Boys screaming]

Why does nature hate us?

Ah!

Nature loves us.

This can't possibly get any better.

Ooh, yes, it can.

Gift bags!

I got an -gigabyte mp player.

I got a waffle maker.

And I got a big diamond ring.

Friendly woodland creatures

Are much more generous than husbands.

[Girls giggling]

Clang!

[Grunting]

Good thing that bear left his tooth in my head.

We get att*cked by a bear,

And they get gift baskets and rides from deer?

Dude!

We could totally eat those deer.

Chester, pull yourself together!

Okay, if I can't eat the deer,

Maybe I can just hang out with the cream puffs.

I bet they have food.

What are you gonna do,

Disguise yourself as a girl?

They'll never fall for that.

Hooray, I got kneesocks!

[Buzzing noise]

Guys, what took you so long?

It was kind of hard to escape

With the mother bird regurgitating us

Into the mouths of her young.

We're here for you now, timmy.

And this time, we're not going anywhere.

Whoopsh!

Gulp! Ribbit!

[Wails]

No, poof, don't cry!

[Thunder booms]

I mean, uh...

[Thunder booms] [timmy screams]

Animals: ♪ la-la-la-la la la ♪

♪ La-la la

The good news is, we found shelter from the storm.

But the bad news is,

This song is much more annoying

When it echoes off the walls of a cave.

Thank you for braiding poison berries

Into my hair, mr. Skunk.

[Giggles]

Mrs. Turner, would you please stop mr. Deer

From making a snack of my scalp?

Now, now, cream puffs,

We must be polite to the woodland critters.

They've helped us up the mountain this far,

And they could be rabid.

Is it me, or is the song getting louder?

Oh, I don't think I need a massage right now, mr. Moose.

[Screams]

[Thudding noise]

That storm timmy's canteen started finally stopped.

Maybe we can go at least a couple of minutes

Without something utterly terrifying happening.

[Thunder booms]

[Boys screaming]

A statue of my dad made of nuts?

We can totally eat that.

Bow before the squirrel king!

[Squirrels chittering]

Dad! You're okay!

Of course.

After I crashed into a cliff,

These squirrels rescued me and nurtured me back to health.

Now they worship me as their leader.

Can we cook one on a stick?

No.

They're going to help us.

Hear me, squirrels.

You must carry us up the mountain.

Eh, I mean "squeak, squeak, chitter, eeky, squeak."

[Squirrels chittering]

Dad, what did you say?

Let me check my english-to-squirrel dictionary.

Ooh, I accidentally told them

They could sacrifice the little blond kid.

My bad.

Okay, my subjects, take us to the top.

I mean, "squeaky, squeak, squeak."

Animals: ♪ la-la-la-la la-la la la ♪

This song has gotten louder.

The animals are only trying to be helpful.

I mean, look what they've done to my hair.

So very helpful.

Oh, thank goodness they finally stopped singing.

And just when I thought I was going to snap.

[Animals inhale deeply]

♪ La-la-la-la la la ♪

♪ La-la la

♪ La-la-la-la la la ♪

♪ La-la la

Stop!

Stop your horrible singing,

You annoying freaks of nature!

You're tone deaf, and you smell!

And I hate what you did to my hair!

Animals: ♪ la-la-la--

[All growling]

Perhaps I went too far.

Cream puffs,

Run for your frosted lives!

[Girls screaming]

[Animals roaring]

Look, the friendly woodland critters

Are attacking the cream puffs.

Yes!

We're going to win!

Dad!

Oh, all right.

Squeak, squeak.

[Squirrels chittering]

Oh, thanks for saving us, timmy.

Hey, I'm the one

Who gave the squirrels the rescue command,

And I love your hair.

Oh, I'm impressed.

Technically speaking,

Flying squirrels can't lift

More than / times their own weight.

[All screaming]

Splash!

The mount doomsdale resort and spa?

[Kids giggling]

Hey, sport,

Glad to see you finally enjoying nature.

You bet.

I made it to the top of the mountain and older boyhood,

And I never needed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Never say never, timmy.

Barfing again.

[Retches]

Boy, that long slow passage out of the frog

Really worked up an appetite.

What's for dinner?

I think we are.

Again!

Ooh, goldfish.

I can totally eat them.

Careful! Watch the kneesocks.

I think this bet is officially a draw.

Let's never make another silly bet like that.

Agreed.

I'm just glad the woodland critters are finally gone.

[Animals snarling]

Bet I can get to the bottom of the mountain first.

You're on.

Smack!

[Both screaming]

[Animals growling]

Both: why does nature hate us?