07x04 - Bad Heir Day/Freaks & Greeks

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[Playful music]

♪

- Happy birthday, denzel.

Make a wish.

Whoo

- I wish I could get out of this high chair.

- Well, you can't always get what you wish for.

- The point you made clear

With these birthday presents, mother.

More wax for my hump, new glasses,

A white shirt and black tie.

- Don't forget your other gift.

- Oh, right.

A visit from bobo the discount clown.

No offense, bobo.

- Whatever.

[Munching noises]

- Now if you'll excuse me,

It's time for my annual birthday tradition

Of a making a list of gifts for next year

That I actually want!

Crash!

Number one: to make them pay.

Number two: to show them all.

Number three: a jet ski.

Hmm, something's missing.

- You might want to add "move out,

Get a high-paying job and a family of your own."

- Mother!

In your total disregard for my feelings,

You've hit the nail on the head:

A family of my own!

Oh, picture it.

A child molded by me

To someday rule the crocker empire.

Gyaah!

Look out, world.

I'm making a new birthday wish.

Pttt.

[Gentle instrumental music]

[Laughter]

- This pogo stick and matching pogo stroller

Was a genius idea.

No wonder cosmo and wanda

Let me take you to the park, poof.

I'm a great babysitter.

Here we are at the safe, responsible park.

Boring.

Now here we are passing the safe responsible park

And going to the more exciting rabid animal zoo...

[Alligators snarl]

Dynamite museum...

Boom!

And super-spooky loch dimmsdale, home of the mysterious

Loch dimmsdale monster.

[Teeth chattering]

I'm the best babysitter ever.

- Poof, poof.

- Now, what's the best way to get an heir?

cr*ck!

I suppose marriage is out.

Okay, think, denzel.

Use your genius.

Ha! I know!

Fly, mr. Stork!

Bring me a child!

- [Squawks]

- Sorry.

I probably should have opened the window first.

Oh, ow.

No, storkie.

Aah, aah!

As mother says,

If you want something bad enough,

You make it happen yourself.

Or better yet, steal it from a government lab.

Presenting the crockbot .

Come to daddy, son.

- You are not the boss of me.

Systems armed.

- Aah!

You're cruising for a time-out, mister!

[Charger blasts]

Finding an heir is going to be harder than I thought.

- [Muttering]

- Whee!

I rock at babysitting.

- Whee!

[Laughs]

Crash! - What was that noise?

- Ooh.

- Is someone trying to steal my birthday presents?

Well, hands off my hump wax, buster.

Oh, it's only a baby.

Gaah!

A baby!

At last, an heir to the crocker empire.

Thank you, birthday candle.

- Poof, poof?

- I haven't heard a peep from you, poof.

Did you have fun today?

[Babbling]

- [Giggling]

- Wow! Baby's float!

Who knew?

I have so much to learn.

Okay, denzel jr.--

I mean, d.j.--

Time to teach you to be a man-- the crocker way!

Hmm, I don't know

What this oblong projectile is called,

But I've seen other fathers toss it at their kids, so...

[Groaning]

Ooh, a jock in the family.

I bet you get a college scholarship

Playing oblong ball.

Gaah! Oh, no, storkie!

No!

And that's how real men shave--

In the dark with a very sharp blade.

Go ahead, son.

Your turn.

[Slicing sounds]

[Yelling]

Eh, close.

Now let's teach you to drive.

Once around the block, son.

- Poof-pay.

[Tires squeal]

[Screaming]

Mother, help!

[Yells]

- All: [screaming]

Crash!

- Perfect.

Tomorrow we'll try parallel parking.

[Hammering]

- There.

All the missing poof posters are hung.

Now I've just got to figure out where I lost poof.

First, we went to the rabid animal zoo.

Oh, no!

Poof's in with the rabid alligators!

I'll save you, poof!

[Triumphant music]

[Alligators snarling]

Ha, ha.

Suppose you rabid gators want your ball back, huh?

Fetch!

Aah, aah, aah!

- Hoo, hoo, hoo.

Okay, d.j.

Now that you've signed a confidentiality agreement,

I can finally introduce you to the family business...

Fairy hunting.

- Poof, poof.

- Exactly.

To the crocker cave!

Welcome to your destiny, son.

Someday, all of this will be yours.

Unless, of course, the norwegians find it.

- Timmy.

- Why, yes.

That's my mortal enemy, timmy turner.

You're a natural at this, d.j.--

Just like your old man.

[Sobbing]

Having a son is the bee's knees.

- Okay, next, I brought poof to the dynamite museum.

Aaah!

Poof!

Boom!

Boing! Boing!

Not poof.

Pop!

- "Give up, fairy!

I've got you now."

Is what you say when you've cornered a fairy.

Time for your next lesson.

You're gonna want to lay low for this one, son.

Doh-ho-ho!

Hitting your rebellious phase already, eh?

Well, suit yourself.

This is my high-tech fairy crusher!

It's a little-known fact that fairies love rump roasts,

And when an unsuspecting fairy

Takes a nibble on mother's rump,

They'll be flattened like a fairy pancake.

- Whee!

- Gaah!

[Munching noises]

[Rattle tinkles]

Ding!

- Mother never helps me lift a whale.

You're the best son ever!

And now for the final phase of your training, d.j.

You're going into the field

To the holy grail of fairy hunting...

Timmy turner's house.

Boy, this flashlight practically paid for itself.

Crash!

And last, poof and I came here to spooky loch dimmsdale...

Huh...

To look for the loch dimmsdale monster.

Splash!

Oh, no.

I'll save you, poof!

- [Snarling]

- Aah!

Snap!

- This sure has been a relaxing day.

It was nice of timmy to take poof to the park

So we could go flamenco dancing.

- I thought you said [span] flamingo[/span]dancing.

My bad.

Oh, oh.

No, storkie!

- Son, catching your first fairy

Is a magical moment you'll never forget.

Or so I'm told.

- Aah!

- Dada.

- That's right.

Son, hearing you call me dada is the highlight of my life.

I can't wait to watch you grow up,

To catch fairies with you,

And to someday walk into a restaurant together

And say the words I've never said before:

"Table for two."

Behold, d.j.,

The ultimate w*apon in the w*r on fairies,

The crocker pot.

Not only does it capture magical creatures,

But it makes a mean batch of chili.

Now to set my phaser for...

Simmer.

[Pulsing]

Eee!

- Poof, poof.

- Good gravy, it worked.

It's caught one of turner's fairies.

Son, I am so glad I can share this historic moment with you.

Son?

D.j.?

Denzel jr.?

[Gulps]

Oh, no.

[Rattle tinkles]

There's only one explanation for this.

[Gasps]

Turners' fairies have obviously sent out

An invisible magic blast and turned my son into a fairy.

I'm not in denial.

That clearly makes sense.

Oh, I can't raise a fairy baby.

And I can't capture my own kin and mount him on the wall

Like some trophy,

Even though mother did far worse to me.

No.

Denzel jr. Needs to be with other fairies now.

It's what's best for him.

- [Babbles]

- No, no.

Be strong, d.j.

No tears.

[Groaning]

[Weeping hysterically]

Okay, I can do this.

Putting the child first is what a good father does.

Good-bye, d.j.

I'll miss you.

Fairy in the hole!

Boom!

- I sure hope the boys get home soon.

I miss poof.

- Cool.

Let me try.

I miss rump roasts.

Come on, rump roasts.

Wait a minute.

Poof is here.

But what happened to timmy?

- Cosmo, wanda, i...

See you got poof

When I tossed him in through the window just now

Only a second ago since he's been with me all day.

- Uh-huh.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

Poof bounced out of the stroller.

I looked everywhere for him.

I'm just glad he's safe.

If it's any consolation,

I've been att*cked by alligators,

Blown up by the dynamite museum,

And swallowed by the loch dimmsdale monster.

- See, I told you it was real.

- I'm still in trouble, aren't i?

[Alligators snarling]

[Solemn music]

♪

- Whoa!

Eugh.

♪

[Rattle tinkles]

- Aah!

The crockbot .

- Hello, father.

- You're not gonna blast me with a laser, are you?

- Negative.

I love you, father, with all of my metallic heart.

- I love you too, d.j.

Let's go to dinner

And talk about getting you an oblong ball scholarship.

Table for two, please.

I've always wanted to say that.

Oh, no, storkie!

Aah! My eye!

- Father!

[Triumphant music]

♪

- Whoo-hoo! It's saturday night!

Time to cut loose.

I hope you guys have something exciting planned.

- Oh, you bet, sport.

We're gonna redecorate the fishbowl.

What color of plastic diver should we go with,

Violent or magenta?

- I like all three.

- I'm going with pink.

- Wow, a diver in a pink suit.

How manly.

I'm gonna call you manly mcdiver man.

- A pink diver?

That's your idea of exciting?

Guys, I want to party.

- Both: whoo-hoo!

- We're gonna party.

- Whoo-hoo!

We are?

- Not you.

When I say "we," I never mean "you."

- Your father and I are going to a toga party.

It's an ancient celebration of eating greek food

And, like, french fries,

And wearing bedsheets as clothing.

- With no underpants.

Those greeks were so advanced.

- So I'm guessing you're leaving me with vicky, right?

- Oh, he's such a smart boy.

Why does he keep getting "f"s?

- Hey, twerp.

I brought snakes.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Screams]

- That trapdoor wish was one of the best I ever made.

- Timmy,

You can't lock vicky in the basement all night.

She'll get hungry.

- Cosmo, cans of vicky food, stat.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- Now it's time to party.

[Shuffling rock music]

♪

Aah! You're still here.

- And you're wearing underwear.

You are not nearly as advanced as us greeks.

We are just locking up

Your mother's priceless collection

Of glass figurines that showcase

The cherished moments of our family history.

- Here's your father and me getting married.

Oh, and here we are on the day you were born.

- There's me chasing the dreams I'll never catch.

- And here's me showing you

My glass figurine collection right now.

- If any of these figures were shattered,

[Sobbing]

I'd be shattered.

- And you'd be grounded--

For infinity!

So guard these figurines with your life.

Together: toga, toga, toga!

- No underpants!

- Aah!

This stinks.

Why don't I get to go to a toga party?

- You can.

I was just taking manly mcdiver man

To the greatest toga party in the universe.

You should come with us.

- Wait.

I know the party he's talking about, timmy,

And you'd be better off redecorating the fishbowl.

- Yeah.

And we're gone.

[Musical fanfare]

♪

[Party music]

All: [cheering]

- Timmy, manly, welcome to mt. Olympus,

Home of the greek gods,

Where the toga party never stops.

- Partay!

- Here comes my pal dionysus.

- Oh, yeah, totally.

- A flying whoopee cushion.

The greeks are so advanced.

That's zeus, god of lightning.

What's up big "z"?

- Yo, cosmo.

Pull my finger.

- [Groaning]

- [Chuckles]

Who's your bro, cosmo?

- This is manly mcdiver man,

And this is...

Pinkius, god of feminine headgear.

I greeked up your name to make you sound cooler.

- [Sarcastically] yeah.

Pinkius sounds super cool.

Thanks.

- That's poseidon, god of the sea.

- Did you see what I did?

See? See?

Oh, awesome.

- Gaah!

Manly! Manly!

Wait, come back.

- [Shrieks]

And this is artemis, goddess of the hunt.

I'm bargain hunting.

Look, pegasus,

There's a sale on sandals at the acropolis.

- [Whinnies]

[All gasp]

- Whoa, someone's having a bad hair day.

- Aah!

- Who invited medusa?

She's pure evil...

Turns people to stone,

And worst of all, she double dips!

Oh! - Aah!

- Timmy, can we go home?

These guys are freaks.

- Are you kidding?

This place is awesome.

I want to hurl me a lightning bolt.

Crash!

Boom!

[Pillars thud]

Crash!

- [Laughs nervously]

Uh, party, toga.

Wanda.

- I didn't get to say good-bye to manly mcdiver man.

Don't forget me, manly mcdiver man.

- Well, the good news is, I'm home now,

And the all-powerful gods can never find me.

Crash!

Aah!

How'd you guys find me?

- Pegasus has gps, god positioning system.

I found it on sale.

- Pinkius, you destroyed mt. Olympus.

Do you, like, know what that means?

- Party at your place, dude!

[All cheering]

- What?

No, this is a bad place to party.

Bad, bad.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Greek gods of all ages,

Put your hands together

For bobby horsebody and the centaurs.

- Well, this one's called [span] blue suede horseshoes.[/Span]

A-one, a-two...

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

- Aah!

Crash!

Ding!

We have to get these guys out of here.

- But they're all-powerful, timmy.

You can't just wish them away.

- Then we need to fix mt. Olympus

So they'll go home.

And by "we," I mean "you."

- Aah! - Whoo.

- Me? Fix mt. Olympus?

Well, I've always wanted to redecorate something more

Than the fishbowl.

I'll need some wallpaper samples and--and carpet swatches.

- Wanda, go!

Boom!

- Pinkius, your palace is full of wonders.

I am most astounded by this tiny lightning box.

- You mean the toaster?

- It cooks bread far more evenly than I ever could.

[Laughs]

See? So golden and delectable.

Will your wonders never cease?

[Laughs]

- Wanda!

I'm in the middle of an emergency.

This better be important.

- It is extremely important.

I need your advice on paint for the columns.

Eggshell or ecru?

- I don't know.

Eggshell.

- Really?

Nah, I'm going with pink.

- Pinkius,

Manly mvdiverman and I rule this tiny bule ocean.

See? See?

- That's a toilet.

- [Gasping]

Manly mcdiver man, I'm here to rescue you.

- Toilet ocean,

The mighty poseidon commands you to recede!

- Aah, aah!

Yaah!

- [Laughs]

I've got to show this to zeus!

- [Screaming]

- Pinkius,

Your magical talking picture box is offering me great deals

On wonders I never knew existed.

Look, I bought barretes for me and a friend for pegasus.

- [Growling]

- Let's play "pin the lightning bolt

On the figurine case!"

- No!

Aah!

- [Together] toga, toga, toga!

- [Together] timmy, timmy, timmy!

- Hi, son.

Our toga party really trashed our friends' place,

So we're coming home to our utterly pristine

And undamaged house.

- And I am bringing a new glass figurine

Of us coming home and putting the glass figurine

In my undamaged glass figurine case.

- Oh, no, my parents are on their way.

Wanda, how's it going?

- You can't rush redecorating, timmy.

It requires a keen eye, lots of patience--

I said taffeta not crushed velvet, you yahoo!

Oh, this job makes me feel more relaxed

Than I have in my whole life.

[Laughs]

- Just hurry.

- Hey, everyone, it's time for the pinata.

First one to shatter that glass figurine case wins.

Aah!

- Aaah!

- I'm doing this for you, manly mcdiver man.

Ooh, a pinata that bites back.

You guys really do know how to party.

- If I don't find a way to get rid of these morons

Before they destroy my mom's figurine case,

I'm doomed.

- You're doomed, twerp.

Doomed!

- Vicky.

I forgot she was trapped in the basement.

Hey, g*ng,

There's someone here to see you.

- Is it the pizza guy?

- Manly mcdiver man loves anchovies.

- Yaaah!

- Oh, it's medusa!

Run for your lives!

- And hide the dip.

- Uh, thank you, dimmsdale.

Good night.

[All screaming]

- Yaaaah!

- Call me, manly mcdiver man.

- And now, twerp, to take care of you!

Buzz!

- Aah!

- [Together] toga, toga!

- Aaah!

Quick! I wish the house was fixed.

[Musical fanfare]

Mom's figurine case is safe.

Shew.

Crash!

- [Shrieks]

You broke my precious figurine case.

- My broken dreams figurine-- broken!

- Mom, I can explain.

- Now I can finally start my new collection

Of dangerous shards of glass.

[Glass shatters]

Buzz!

[Both gasp and shriek]

- Oh, hoo-hoo. Vicky food!

- Trapdoors:

Best. Wish. Ever.

[Cheers and applause]

- I hope you like my redecorating.

It's a wanda original.

- We brought housewarming gifts.

[Cheers and applause]

- And there's manly mcdiver man.

He found a friend...

Girly mcdiver girl.

[Sobbing] he'll be happier here.

- You know what this calls for?

A partay!

[Rumbling fart noise]

Crash!

- Yay! - Whoo-hoo, yeah!

- So advanced.

- No underpants.