07x08 - One Man Banned/Frenemy Mine

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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07x08 - One Man Banned/Frenemy Mine

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[Rock and roll music]



[Bell ringing]

[Chaotic music]

- Kids, want to hear a sad little story?

[Together] no.

- I have no talent at all.

But I do have a dream...

To exploit your talent and take all the credit.

Okay, now, show me your musical genius.

- [Clears throat] ♪ ya-a-a-ah

♪ Yah

- Well, your boil's big, kid.

But I'm not sure it's the next big thing.

- Boy, it'd be cool to be famous.

- Yeah, then you'd be a somebody

Instead of a nobody.

- But I am a somebody.

Dude, I'm not a coatrack.

I'm timmy turner, and I'm gonna be

A big musical star.

[Together] ha-ugh!

- I'm ready to share the musical genius

I've never shown but always suspected I had.

- Well, rock me, amadeus.

What instrument do you play?

- Whatever I play, I guarantee it'll sound better than a boil.

[Harsh grinding noise]

[Together] boo!

- Ugh! - Hideous!

[Discordant piano noise]

- Ugh! - Ghastly.

[Low moaning noise]

- Ugh-ah!

- Missing the boil now.

- Who brings tomatoes to school?

- You're a musical abomination.

Next!

- Hold on, mr. Bickles.

Give me one more chance.

The triangle.

Even I can play this.

Ding!

[Harsh reverberating noise]

- Timmy turner, take your talentless,

Tomato-tainted tushy out of here!

[Laughter]

- Well, look on the bright side.

Now you're a tomato.

Get it? A tomato?

Why doesn't anyone laugh?

Splat!

- Don't feel bad, sport.

Not everyone is musically talented.

[Pleasant flute music]

[Wooden flute music]

[Xylophone music and shouts of pain]

I stand corrected.

- Uh, I'm going home,

Where no one has any musical talent whatsoever.

Huh?

[Jazzy bongo music]

- Guess what, son.

My album [span]bingo bongo just went platinum.[/Span]

- Your bongo album?

- Bingo!

- But I've never heard you

Play bongos in my life!

- That's 'cause I never have to practice.

I've got a natural gift.

I have hits in every genre.

My patriotic song [span] I wanna hold your freedom,[/span]

My holiday song [span] yuval, the red-haired mole rat,[/span]

Mm, and listen to my love song

♪ [Span]you are the wind [span] beneath my bongos[/span]♪[/span]

Take it, triangle boy!

Ding! [Harsh reverberating noise]

[Frogs croaking]

Boo!

Your horrible music made it rain frogs.

Go to the smoldering ruins of what used to be your room.

- That stinks!

I'm tired of being a nobody.

- You're not a nobody, timmy.

- Look, wanda, a new coatrack.

I can't wait to tell timmy about it.

- I've had it!

Cosmo, wanda,

I wish all dimmsdale would love the sound of my triangle.

Ding! [Pleasant reverberating noise]

- [Sighs happily]

- Awesome!

- Cool!

- Timmy, everyone thinks your music

Is the best thing they've ever heard.

[Crowd chanting "timmy"]

- They're calling my name.

Man, I'm not just talented.

I'm famous!

I'm somebody!

[Crowd shouting excitedly]

A frenzied mob wants to tear me limb from limb.

Doesn't get any better than this.

[Zapping noises]

- Ow! Ow!

- Be careful, timmy.

[Zapping noises] - ow! Ow!

- Fame does weird things to people.

[Zapping noises] - ow!

- It can make you go all squirrelly in the head.

- Ooh! Ooh!

I have a squirrel in my head,

And I'm not even famous!

Right, zippy?

- Hee-hee!

- Don't worry, wanda.

I won't let being the biggest star

In dimmsdale go to my head,

'Cause now I want to be the biggest star

In the whole country.

I wish everyone in america would love my music.

[Spooky dance music]



[Upbeat rock and roll music]



Ding!



Blast!



[Crowd cheering]

- Can we poof off the beard now?

They're itchy.

- Timmy, now that you're famous all over america...

- I love you, timmy!

- I think you might need a little guidance.

- And I have just the guide book,

[Span]how to go from a coatrack [span] to a super-famous somebody![/Span][/span]

Step one: where shades all the time.

- Then it's dark in here.

- Step two: cut yourself off

From everyone who tries to help you.

- Cosmo, this book isn't helpful at all.

- Step three: ignore the nagging bearded lady.

- [Shouting]

- Hey, nice bling.

- Bling-bling!

[Both snoring]

[Alarm beeping] - ay-yeh!

Stegh!

- Honey, why is your alarm clock ringing

In the middle of the night?

It's not the middle of the night.

Timmy's gigantic mansion is blocking the sun.

Ooh, it's cold living in my son's shadow.

- Timmy, I'm glad you're having fun.

But don't you think fame's changed you

Just a little bit?

- What makes you think timmy's changed?

Timmy's the same ol' timmy.

- Step : buy really expensive, totally useless stuff.

Nailed it.

- This stuff is cool,

But suddenly, it's not enough for timmy.

Timmy wants more.

Ya dig?

- Wow, you jumped to step :

Always want more.

I'm so proud.

- What could you possibly want now?

- Timmy wants to be the biggest star

In the whole world.

He wishes he could play a gig in a stadium so huge,

Everybody on earth can fit inside!

- That's crazy!

No one in their right mind would grant that wish.

- On it!

[Rock music and cheering]



- Ready for the biggest concert ever, mr. Timmy triangle?

- Quiet!

Nothing can disrupt timmy's intense focus.

[Together] oh, timmy!

- Deh! Ooh, great digs, son.

I had a dressing room like this when I was a superstar

And the world was a planet, not just a gigantic stadium

For you,

[Crying] but I'm not jealous at all.

- Mom, dad, what are you doing here?

Oh, we just came by to say how proud we are of you, timmy.

Plus, I was hoping you'd sign my bongos.

- Timmy doesn't sign autographs.

- But we're family.

- Timmy doesn't need a family.

The triangle is my family now.

Timmy said, "good day."

- Eeh, no, timmy didn't.

- Well, timmy meant to!

- So... Is that a "no" on the bongos?

- Timmy, you just slammed the door on your parents.

That was terrible.

- That wasn't terrible.

That was step :

Slam the door on your parents.

- This has gone too far.

You're acting like a big, bratty fame monster.

- If that's how you feel, maybe timmy should just go solo.

Wanda, you're fired.

- That's telling her, timmy.

- You're fired too, cosmo.

- That's telling me, timmy.

Wai-wait a minute.

That's step :

Make a tragic error in judgment,

The full consequences of which you can't possibly see yet.

- Fine, since we're fired,

We'll just go and take our magic with us.

[Chime sound]

- And we're taking zippy too.

- Ah-ay-ay-yah-ay-hah!

[Crowd cheering]

- People of the world,

I give you timmy triangle!

[Dramatic music]

- It's timmy time!

Ding! [Harsh reverberating noise]

[Glass shatters]

Oops. [Crowd booing]

Suddenly I see the full consequences

Of my tragic error in judgment.

- Good thing I had a back-up dream,

To sell my tomatoes to the largest stadium crowd ever.

[People shouting excitedly]

[Crowd booing]

- Ugh!

- Hmm.

This isn't the men's bathroom.

- Ugh.

- Ooh-hoo! Look.

Timmy's wearing a suit made of tomato paste.

- Mom, dad, the entire population of earth

Is gonna tear me apart!

Not if someone talented and gorgeous

Distracts the crowd.

- You'd save me,

Even after I was such a jerk?

- Oh, son, I'd never let anyone hurt you.

- Ugh!

- And do you know why?

- Because you love me?

- Well, there's that.

More importantly, because I crave fame

Even more than you do!

People of earth, and dinkleberg...

- Whoo-hoo!

- Get your bongo on!

[Rock and roll bongo music]



[Crowd cheering]

- Guys, I'm sorry I treated you badly.

Fame made me kind of nuts.

- Hee-hee!

- Not that kind of nuts, zippy.

- Just remember, timmy,

You're always a somebody to us.

- Thanks, wanda.

- [Giggles]

- Well, I guess I'm done

With the triangle forever.

- What are you talking about?

You're on step :

Make an ill-conceived comeback.

- Sweet!

- Timmy, no!

Ding! [Harsh reverberating noise]

- Step : find a new home planet.

Man, it's a good thing I saved this book.

[Jubilant music]

[Music sags]

- The slow-moving construction equipment parade?

Who would possibly enjoy this?

- Go, slow-moving construction equipment, go!

Ooh! Here come the tar trucks.

Go, tar trucks! Go!

- Oh, twerp.

How about a little tar and feathers?

[Together] ah!

[Bird quacking]

Ack!

Qua-ack!

- [Cackles]

I love tarring the twerp!

- Ha!

You tarred yourself to the street.

And here comes the steamroller.

- Help!

- Is that vicky tarred to the street?

- Let's all help her.

- Ooh!

Here comes the giant truck

That carries the space shuttle.

All: ooh!

- Sport, I think it's up to you to save vicky.

- Yeah, let me think about it for a minute.

No.

- Help!

Ah!

- Timmy!

- Okay, fine.

- Ah! - Here I come to save the day.

[Jackhammer pounding]

- Oh, no!

Do you know what you've just done?

[Grunting]

- Hi, vicky.

- Ah!

Ah!

[Gong sounds]

- I called to order this meeting of brat:

Babysitters raging against twerps.

- Vicky, you have been summoned before this council

Because you allowed a twerp to save you,

Thus making us look weak and foolish.

- You're an embarrassment

To vicious, hateful babysitters everywhere

And a risk to our organization.

The high council will now decide your fate.

- Girls, I made mini bagel pizzas.

Hi, vicky.

- Hi, mrs. Lettergerber.

- Mom, I told you to knock.

We're, like, in the middle

Of a meeting of the high council.

- Well, don't stay up too late.

And, lauren, what did I tell you about torches on the walls?

- Alyssa, we're, like, so having the next meeting

At your house.

- Totally.

- Members of the high council,

I vote we banish vicky

And then eat these ceremonial mini bagel pizzas.

- What?

You guys can't kick me out.

You guys are my only--

I mean, best friends.

- Face it, vicky.

You're just not brat material anymore.

Turn in your brat wings.

- Come on, guys!

You're all I've got!

- Ew, she's soggifying our snackage

With her embarrassing tears.

Send her down the loser chute.

[Buzzer noise]

- Ah!

- I still can't believe you saved vicky.

People say [span]i'm[/span]dumb.

- Stop reminding me.

The last thing I want to think about now is vicky.

- Ah!

You...

You ruined my life.

Thanks to you, I have no friends!

- Ugh! Hey!

Don't blame me!

Of course you don't have any friends.

You're vicious and hateful.

If you want friends, you have to be--

Say it with me now-- friendly.

- Frie--frie--

Frie-- frie--

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're--

- The one who saved you from certain death

By steamroller?

See? That was friendly.

- He did save me.

I don't understand.

Strange feeling...

In my chest!

[Heartbeat]

- [Snoring]

Ah.

Ah!

- Good morning, n.f.t.

That's new friend timmy.

I hope you slept well.

I had this weird feeling in my chest

Where I think my heart is,

So I made you breakfast!

Now, hurry up and eat.

I planned a huge day for us.

I'm so happy!

- Dibs on the scary breakfast clown.

- What's going on?

When I told vicky she should be a good friend,

I didn't mean to me.

- Oh, give her a chance, timmy.

Who knows?

Having vicky as a friend

Might be better than having her as an enemy.

- New friend time!

[Device buzzing loudly]

- Ah! Don't hurt me!

- What are you talking about?

This is for your manicure.

Having an n.f.t. Is awesome!

After we're done painting our nails,

We can totally text each other about boys.

- Why would I want to do that?

- Because we're friends, silly.

Ooh! Let's get some food!

Hello, grocery store?

This is vicky.

Bring me a dozen mini bagel pizzas,

Or you're dead!

[Breathing heavily]

[Doorbell dings] ha-ha!

What took you so long?

I'll just get us some torches to hang on the walls

While we eat, n.b.f.t.

That's new best friend timmy.

I can't wait to pierce your ears!

- New best friend?

- Well, look on the bright side, timmy.

- Your nails have never looked better.

- Ooh, I love the makeover I gave you, n.s.d.b.f.t.

That's new sharply dressed best friend timmy.

- Yeah, I'm certainly not wishing

For everyone in dimmsdale to disappear

While I'm dressed like this.

- Well, as long as you're not wishing for it,

We won't make it happen.

- Help me.

- My timmy!

[Both scream]

- Ugh! - Oy!

- We're gonna have so much fun.

We're gonna be best friends forever and ever and ever...

And ever...

And ever...

And ever...

And ever!

And ever and ever and ever

And ever and ever and ever and ever!

- Hah, I think we lost her back at the piercing parlor.

[Both grunting]

- Hoo.

- Hang in there, sport.

In her own demented way,

Vicky's actually trying to be sweet.

- Ah!

- Oh, n.s.d.b.f.f.t.,

Who were you talking to?

- Uh, my fish.

Hey, fishy, fishy.

- That's dumb.

In fact, fish are dumb.

[Toilet flushes] [together] ah!

- I'm gonna go get the hair crimper, ha-ha-ha!

- She's a raving lunatic.

- And I think there's something wrong with your hot tub.

- Vicky's my new b.f.f.f.f., Or whatever,

Because I was nice to her.

Guys, I've got an idea.

- Hey, n.s.d.m.b.f.t.--

That's new sharply dressed mega best friend timmy--

Look what I have!

Chip skylark is my favorite singer ever.

Not only did he sign this poster,

But he even dripped sweat on it during his last concert.

Since I'm always going to be hanging out in your room,

I thought I'd put it on your wall.

- That's cool. Check it out.

I've been practicing with your chainsaw

So I can be more like you, b.f.f.f.f.f.

Oh, no, I'm sorry, vicky.

That was an accident.

- I'll...

Destroy you!

I mean, that's okay.

What's a signed, sweaty, one-of-a-kind poster

Compared to an awesome friend like you?

- Right, and you know what goes good with friendship?

Food.

Splat!

Sorry, vicky.

I was just practicing my pie golf.

- [Growling]

No problem, timmy.

Glad I could help you perfect your swing.

- Boy, hitting you with a pie made me thirsty.

Can you squeeze us some friendly lemonade?

- Picking lemons for my bestest friend.

Lemon, lemon...

- Beehive.

- Beehive.

[Screaming]

[Bees buzzing]

- Sorry, vicky.

- No problem, timmy.

Insects are our friends too.

[Laughs]

Ah!

- Vicky's close to snapping, guys.

I can feel it.

- Pterodactyl, tarantula,

King kong, bay of pigs.

Oh, if only I could do a hand.

- Sorry, timmy.

It's my fault you saved vicky

At the slow-moving construction parade.

- The parade, that's it.

I'm sure I can get vicky to break

If we go back to the scene of the crime.

- Deh.

This parade takes an awfully long time.

[Kids shouting]

- My old friends.

[Laughs weakly]

Who needs them when I have you, timmy?

- That's right.

And our friendship is so strong,

It can withstand anything.

Like, I could take this hose and spray you with tar,

And you wouldn't even get mad at me.

- That's right, n.s.d--

Ah!

I'm gonna wring your puny--

I mean, wow, black sure is slimming.

- And I could pull this lever on this garbage truck,

And you would just want to hug me more, right?

- Yep, I just want to hug you.

- And if I hit you with a wrecking ball...

- Ah-ugh!

- [Growling]

Ee-yah!

[Laughing crazily]

[Bees buzzing]

[Chainsaw roaring]

[Together] awesome!

- That was amazing, vicky.

Maybe you're brat material after all.

- Yeah?

Well, from now on,

I'm in charge!

No one eats a mini bagel pizza till I say so,

Or you all go down the loser chute!

Now...

Put these on!

- She's so totally, like, my hero.

[Whip cracks]

[Girls shouting]

- Uh, looks like your plan was, uh, successful.

- Yep, believe it or not, having vicky as an enemy

Is easier to handle.

- Ah, look.

Vicky and the brats are stuck!

- They'll be crushed!

- Looks like there's only one thing to do.

Mini bagel pizza, anyone?

- And ever!
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