07x09 - Chicken Poofs/Stupid Cupid

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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07x09 - Chicken Poofs/Stupid Cupid

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Cock-a-doody-doo!

Cock-a-doody-doo!

- Ah! If I hear another chicken sound,

My head's going to explode.

- Cock-a-doody-doo!

Cock-a-doody-doo!

- What's wrong with poof?

- He's got the chicken poofs.

It's a fairy childhood illness that turns you into a chicken.

- Luckily, it's not contagious.

- Achoo!

- Yee!

- Actually, it's highly contagious.

- Luckily, I'm immune.

- I've already called dr. Rip studwell.

In the meantime, this should keep you from getting sick.

- Oh, dr. Studwell, thank goodness you're here.

- Well, when I heard poof was sick,

I played a quick holes of golf and rushed right over.

Now let's check out our little patient.

Hmm, looking good.

- Are you crazy?

He's got feathers and a beak.

- I was talking about me.

Now, wanda, why don't you cook up this chicken

While I examine the patient?

- That chicken [span]is[/span]poof.

He's got the chicken poofs.

- Excuse me, billy.

Did you go to medical school?

Fortunately, I have the remedy right here.

Once I give it to poof,

Everyone he's infected will be magically cured as well.

[All screaming]

What? Do I have spinach in my teeth?

- [Screams]

- Oh, no, poof flew the coop.

We better get him before he sneezes on my mom and dad.

- Achoo!

- Morning, timmy.

We're having cereal for breakfast.

Bawk! I mean eggs.

- Good morning, everyone.

I'm the cock of the walk.

- Ah! My parents have the chicken poofs!

We got to catch poof.

- [Together] mwah!

- Ooh, you taste like chicken.

- Ah, nothing like a nice warm bath with my loofah sponge

Before a day of crushing children's dreams.

I wish I had a rubber ducky.

Eh, I guess I'll have to settle for this.

- Achoo!

- Denzel, what should I pack in your lunch box today?

Ooh, how about chicken nuggets?

- Not the nuggets today!

[Lively music]

- Mommy's got you, poof.

Now, just hold still

While the nice doctor gives you your medicine.

[All scream]

- What, do I have a visible nostril hair?

[Screams]

[Both screams]

- [Squeals] - poof!

- Please tell me you have more medicine.

- Sadly, jerry, I don't.

The only way to get more

Is to go deep into the fairy world rainforest

And pick a rare flower.

It'll be dangerous, and survival is unlikely.

Here's a map, wanda. Call me if you get back.

- Oh, no. You're coming with me.

Cosmo, timmy, it's up to you to catch poof.

- Look, poof's heading into that insurance building.

- Oh, no! We already have insurance.

- Wow, brad.

Don't you love "bring your chicken hawk to work" day?

- I sure do, gene.

We sure are lucky

To work for a company that lets you bring in

Your vicious chicken-eating pet to the office.

- Achoo!

Achoo!

Achoo!

[Ominous music]

[Chickens clucking]

- Boy, I'd hate to be a chicken in this place.

Oh, wait.

Help!

- In two hours, my new restaurant,

Doug dimmadome's chicken dippin' dippadome,

Will be open for business.

All I need for a perfect openin' day

Is my truck full of farm-fresh frozen chicken.

Beep!

- Chad ubetcha here with breaking news.

A truck full of farm-fresh frozen chickens

Bound for doug dimmadome's chicken dippin' dippadome

Has just been carried away

By a flock of hungry chicken hawks.

- Dimmadang.

Now where am I gonna get , chickens.

[Chickens clucking]

It's my clucky day.

To the cluck truck!

[Rock music]



- Uh, where are we?

I'm worried about poof.

Wow, it's hot.

What time is it?

- Quiet.

- What? Did you hear something?

- No, I just want you to be quiet.

There it is, the ancient temple of the clucktunia flower.

Picking it won't be easy.

There'll be danger at every turn.

Good luck.

- Wait a minute.

Why am I the one who's going?

- Because according to legend,

Only women can enter the temple and survive.

- Well, we are smarter than men.

- Yes, she bought the legend thing.

[Chickens clucking]

[Dramatic music]

- This doesn't look too dangerous.

[Triumphant musical flourish]

[Rumbling]

[Screams]

I've got the flower, and I'm out of danger.

Or not.

- Poof, come back!

Well, at least he's out of the city,

Where there aren't any people.

- Except maybe that giant stadium

Filled with a crowd of thousands.

- [Screams] cosmo, do something!

- You got it, timmy.

I'll poof us up some peanuts and a big foam finger.

- No, do something to stop poof before he sneezes on the crowd.

- A--

- Look, that giant purple blimp looks just like poof.

- That giant purple blimp is poof!

[Chickens clucking]

- Yee haw!

I hit the chicken jackpot.

The chicken dippin' dippadome is back in business.

Have a coupon, son.

It's good for a free cluck shake.

- Oh, no!

Doug dimmadome's opening a chicken restaurant today.

Everyone that was in that stadium

Is going to end up on the menu!

[Exotic music]

- Wanda, I'm afraid there's good news and bad news.

The bad news is,

They're going to sacrifice you to the giant jungle eel

Who lives at the top of this volcano.

- What's the good news?

- Rita here has agreed to have brunch with me on sunday.

- [Screaming]

[All cheer]

[Screaming]

- Check it out, honey.

We have the biggest nest on the street.

- Oh, I hate to ruffle your feathers, dear,

But the neighbors' nest is even bigger.

- Curse you, dinkle birds!

- Oh, no!

Doug's going to cook my mom and dad!

Where's wanda?

- Dr. Studwell, we've got the flower.

Why can't we just crush it up, make the medicine for my baby,

And poof back home?

- Wanda, our quest is not complete.

Now, duck through those bushes.

[Jubilant music]

You'll have to stay outside;

Only men can survive in there.

- It's a pharmacy!

How do we get the medicine to poof

By bringing the flower in here?

- Quiet. - Why, did you hear something?

- No, I just want you to be quiet.

Hello, dolores.

You look lovely today.

Here's that flower I promised you.

- Thanks, dr. Studwell.

And here's the medicine you ordered.

- Are you kidding me?

The medicine was here all along?

- Yes, but when I give her flowers,

She gives me a % discount.

Ow!

I'm not paying for that.

- Welcome to the dippadome,

Where we're going to have y'all for dinner.

[Liquid bubbling]

[All scream and cluck]

- Everyone that I know and love--

And mr. Crocker--

Are headed for the fryer!

We've got to shut down that conveyor belt.

Cosmo, throw the switch!

[Fast-paced dramatic music]

- I did it, timmy. I did it!

- Guys, what took you so long?

- Look, there's poof.

- He's right under the super sticky peanut butter sauce!

- Oh, gotcha, sweetie!

Just close your eyes.

It won't hurt a bit.

- Of course it won't hurt.

All you have to do

Is drink the medicine from this little cup.

- What?

Why didn't you tell us he could drink it out of a little cup?

- Oh, please.

Did you really think I'd give a sh*t that size to a baby?

This is a playfully themed carrying case.

I got it on the internet

Along with this chainsaw-shaped wallet.

Oh!

Just a sip will do the trick.

[Slurps]

[Musical fanfare]

- I'm cured!

Ha! You chicken hawks don't scare me now!

[All screaming]

- I wish the conveyor belt would stop right now!

[All cheering]

- Ah!

You people stole my chickens.

I'm ruined.

- No, you're not, mr. Dimmadome.

Look at all these eggs.

You can serve them with dipping sauce.

- What an egg-cellent idea.

This is doug dimmadome inviting you

To tonight's grand opening

Of doug dimmadome's egg dippin' dippadome,

Where the food is egg-straordinary.

- We did it, guys.

Doug's back in business,

And best of all, nobody's a chicken anymore.

- [Span]guten tag![/Span]

Who vants a vienerschnitzel?

- Ah! What's wrong with cosmo?

- Looks like a case of the german weasels.

- Achoo!

Wanda, we must obtain a rare schnitzel from heidelberg.

Don't worry; I know greta in the pharmacy.

I get five euros off if I give her a schnauzer.

I thought I was hot before, but this is ridiculous.

- Great.

The school romance dance is saturday night,

And, as usual, I don't have a date.

Well, at least none of my friends do either.

- Timmy, isn't it awesome?

We all have dates for the romance dance.

I created them in my lab.

- [Hisses]

- Yee! That was creepy.

- Well, I bet sanjay doesn't have a date.

- Timmy, meet my date, kimmy.

- I have three goldfish.

- That was even creepier.

- That settles it.

I'm going to ask trixie to the dance.

I mean, the worst she can do is say no, right?

Will you go to the dance with me?

- No.

- Yay, fish sticks!

Fish is brain food.

I read that in-- um, what am I talking about?

- Oh, no, I got another love letter from juandissimo.

He keeps sending me these smoochy notes

With his photo

And a statue of himself made of beef jerky.

- The nerve of that guy.

I'd tell him to stop,

But his juan-jerkimo is [span]muy caliente.[/Span]

That's spanish for something.

- Oh, love stinks.

I wish there were some way to make trixie fall for me.

I wonder if she'd take cash.

- Well, we'd like to help, sport,

But you know the rules.

Our magic can't help you with love.

- But there is someone whose magic can help:

That diaper dynamo of desire, cupid.

- Diaper, swim diaper, formal diaper,

Casual diaper, weekend diaper, party diaper,

Diaper cream, uninvited guests.

- Cupid, I need a favor.

Will you sh**t one of your love arrows at a girl

So she'll go to the dance with me?

- Sorry, kid. Cupid is off the clock.

I have been working my tushy off,

And I need a vacation.

So I'm going on the fiesta del mexico cruise.

[Trills]

That's spanish for something.

Well, toodles.

- Don't worry, timmy.

I'm sure you'll think of something really irresponsible

That'll totally backfire in the end.

- Mm, I know.

We'll take cupid's bow and arrows

And sh**t trixie ourselves.

- Hold on.

Messing with cupid's arrows is really risky.

Besides, they're guarded by his love birds.

- Like I'm really scared of some dinky love birds.

[Squawking loudly]

- Fetch the jerky!

- Yes! Romance dance, here I come.

Okay, when trixie gets hit by one of these love arrows,

She's going to fall for the first thing she sees,

And that'll be me.

Awesome, cosmo!

You knew I was going to ask you to play cupid,

So you put on a diaper.

- Uh...

Right.

- Timmy, I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.

If those arrows end up in the wrong butt,

You could ruin somebody's life.

Juandissimo!

I love you.

In fact, I'm coming to you now.

- Oh, no!

My life is ruined!

On the bright side, maybe she'll bring back more jerky.

- At least we know the arrows work.

Let's go!

Okay, when trixie opens her door,

You hit her with an arrow.

[Doorbell rings]

I meant sh**t her with an arrow!

- What is it, now?

- [Sighs] - hey, trixie.

Will you--

[Screams]

- Good-bye, hideous blight on my lawn.

I mean, hello, love of my life!

I'm going to call you rosie,

And you can call me... Any time.

Ah! Thorns!

- Ah, wanda,

So beautiful yet so unattainable.

Some men would tire of this endless pursuit,

But I live for the chase.

Wanda, what a surprise.

I was just about to send you more juan-jerkimo.

Like my love for you, it is [span]muy caliente.[/Span]

That is spanish for something.

- Oh, forget the jerky.

Kiss me!

Uh, wait a minute.

This isn't how it works.

I am supposed to chase you,

And you are supposed to run coquettishly away.

- Pucker up, jerky boy.

- You have juan-jerkimo on your teeth.

Perhaps you should floss and brush first.

In the name of erik estrada, now you are scaring me.

- [Howls]

- Cosmo, try to be more accurate.

- You got it.

Hey, what's "accurate" mean?

Is that spanish for something?

Wow, you're gorgeous.

Come to papa.

Stop playing hard to get!

- Please, wanda.

Can't we just be friends?

Or distant pen pals?

[Screams]

Leaping lorenzo lamas!

[School bell rings]

- How do I love me?

Let me count the ways.

One, seven, avocado, europe--

- Cosmo, focus.

I'm putting my picture all over the place

So no matter where trixie looks, she'll fall in love with me.

- Hurry, timmy!

We have to stop your father from marrying a rosebush.

- Turner, I heard about your weirdo dad,

So I brought you an "a" to cheer you up.

You get an "f" for foolishly believing I'd give you an "a."

- Cosmo, there's trixie!

sh**t!

- Ooh!

- Eh!

- Why, mr. Crocker, I love you, even if you are

The most repulsive creature in the universe.

- Let's go home to meet mother.

Just don't eat anything she feeds you.

- Okay, that's seriously a problem.

But more importantly, trixie's getting away,

And we're down to one arrow!

[Romantic music]

- Timmy.

Wait, did I just say, "timmy"?

- Trixie--ow!-- Will you--ow--

Go to the--ooch!--Romance dance--ah!--With me?

- Yes, I love you, timmy turner.

- This is the best day eve--

[Upbeat rock music]

[People talking and laughing]

- Finally, I'm at the romance dance

With the girl of my dreams.

- Me too, and her name is cosmo.

- There she is.

[People gasp]

[Romantic music]



- This is so romantic.

Kiss me.

- You bet.

Nothing could spoil this moment.

- Sorry to spoil this moment,

But I have a special announcement to make

About everyone's favorite teacher.

- Miss connors? - No.

- Miss davenport? - No.

- Mrs. Snickerpoodle?

- Now you're just making up names!

It's me, you dimwits!

I'm getting married.

I'd like you to meet my fiancee, timmy turner's mom.

- Oh, mr. Crocker, this is so exciting.

I can't wait to marry you.

- We can get hitched right outside.

Thanks to a shady fly-by-night website,

Mother is a justice of the peace.

- Say, rosie, how about we make it a double wedding?

[Organ plays]

- Come on, timmy.

Let's finally kiss

And make this the greatest night of your life.

[Gulps]

- Ah!

I can't let my parents marry mr. Crocker and a rosebush.

As much as I want to kiss you,

I've got to save my family.

- Do you, denzel, take timmy's mom to be your wife?

Hurry up and say, "I do" before she comes to her senses.

- I do.

- And do you, timmy's dad,

Take this dead rosebush to be your wife?

- [Sobbing]

I do!

- Do you, timmy's mom, take denzel to be your husband?

- Wait!

Ha ha! Psych.

Cosmo!

- You hold it right there, sweetness.

The kid wants me.

- This is out of control.

I wish cupid were here right now!

[Trilling]

Hey, what's the big idea?

I was just about to win the big cruise ship limbo contest.

- I'm sorry, cupid, but you've got to help me.

I took your love arrows,

And now my dad's going to marry a rosebush,

And mom's going to marry my crazy teacher.

- What?

How dare you touch my stuff, mister?

Give it back.

You can keep that.

All right, I'll clean up your little mess.

But it will cost you.

Stand back while I fire my anti-love arrows.

- It's over.

It's not you; it's me.

But it's mostly you.

- We're through.

It's not you; it's me.

But it's mostly you.

- Sweet mother of j.lo!

Wanda, you win.

I surrender myself to your nutsy cuckoo love.

In the name of gloria estefan

And her entire miami sound machine,

Do with me what you will!

- Are you crazy?

I'm a married woman!

- Now, that's my wanda.

- Where was i? Oh, yes.

Do you, timmy's mom, take denzel to be your husband?

- She does! She does!

- Cupid, fire!

- Pucker up, timmy's mom.

- Are you crazy?

I'm a married woman.

- You caused a lot of trouble, young man.

And as your punishment,

You're gonna wash all my vacation diapers.

I hope you learned your lesson.

[Trills]

- Man, I'm glad that's over with.

My parents are still together, and everything's back to normal.

- Hey, timmy.

I'm taking your mother out to dinner.

Wait'll you see the new outfit I bought her.

- I think there's a squirrel in here.

- You'll get used to it.

[Squirrel growls]
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