07x10 - Double-Oh Schnozmo!/Planet Poof

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise

Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
Post Reply

07x10 - Double-Oh Schnozmo!/Planet Poof

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[Squeaking]

- Cosmo, you got a letter!

- Ooh! Which one?

"R"? "Z"? ?

Open it! Open it!

- Oh, no!

Uh...i mean, uh, congratulations!

You won a thousand-million dollars.

Okay, who wants pie?

- Ah-ha!

- "Dear cosmo,

I'm coming to visit because I need your help."

Signed, "schnosmo."

Who's schnosmo?

- Only the coolest, neatest,

Most awesome guy in the whole world.

And my brother!

- You have a brother?

How come I've never met him?

- Because schnosmo's always super busy!

He invented canada, found a cure for spaghetti,

And saved the walla walla monkeys from extinction.

And he's also a sensitive artist.

Slam! Clink!

Clang!

- More like a con artist.

I could never tell cosmo this, but I don't trust schnosmo.

Luckily, I hide my feelings rather well.

- Okay, everyone,

Time to play a game called

Hide under the bed until schnosmo leaves!

- Two words:

Schnosmo has arrived.

[Wanda groans]

- Yay! My big brother's here!

- Hey, hey, easy, easy. Watch the tux.

Boy, it's great to see you, cosmo!

Almost as great as you getting to see me.

Hello, wanda.

Heh-heh.

Two words:

Eat less and exercise.

- Welcome, schnosmo.

Please step over here to the security checkpoint.

[Beeping]

[Electronic warbling]

[Zapping]

- Fingerprints, scanners, and an x-ray machine?

Wanda, you're beautiful when you don't trust me.

- Then I must be really gorgeous.

Now, give me back my earrings!

- [Chuckles]

How'd those get in there?

- [Chomping]

- Who's this little charmer?

- That's your nephew, poof!

- [Chomping] [both scream]

- Hi, uncle schnosmo.

I'm-- - [stammers]

Now, don't tell me.

You're cosmo and wanda's godchild, lorenzo.

- Timmy.

- That's what I said. Hello?

- Schnosmo, you said you needed my help?

- Is there someplace safe we can talk?

Wait. I know.

- The truth is, I'm not just handsome,

Mild-mannered schnosmo anymore.

[Munching]

You're now looking at super handsome secret agent

Double-oh-schnosmo!

- F.a.i.r.i.e.:

The fairy alliance of international reconnaissance,

Intelligence, and espionage.

- Cosmo, I'm going to ask you a very important question.

Do...you...love...

Fairy world?

- Yes!

Is that the right answer?

- It sure is!

Now hand over your wand.

- Hold on!

What are you up to, schnosmo?

- Two words, wanda:

You need to lighten up.

Now, have you ever heard of the evil fiend

Known as dr. Maybe?

- No. - No.

- Maybe.

- Well, the villain stole my magic wand,

And I must get it back

Before he destroys all of fairy world.

- Wow!

So you're an honest-to-goodness secret agent?

- [Laughs]

Oh, schnosmo, this is your most ridiculous story yet!

There's no way cosmo's giving you his wand.

- [Grunting and smashing]

- Schnosmo, you must pay.

- Cosmo, give him your wand.

[Zapping]

[Zapping]

Smash!

- That was awesome!

- All in a day's work, fernando.

- It's timmy.

- That's what I said. Hello?

- Now I must go and defeat dr. Maybe.

Cosmo, I'll need to keep your wand

And this jar of pickles

And horatio's tv.

- Can we come watch you in action?

- Oh, I'm afraid it's too dangerous.

Stay alert. Cook me a ham.

I will return.

Good-bye. Farewell.

- Wow, my brother's the best.

I'm gonna make him the greatest ham

The world has ever seen!

- I guess I underestimated schnosmo.

He really is a super spy.

[Ninjas grunt]

- [Grunts] schnos-a-mo must pay!

- [Screams]

- [Effeminately] seriously.

$..

He ran off without paying...again.

- The hungry ninja japanese restaurant?

- I knew it!

Schnosmo's not a super spy.

He's just super cheap.

And my earrings are gone again!

Come on, we've got a con to catch!

Okay, I tracked your freeloading brother

To this island.

- Silly wanda!

I'm sure all this confusion

Is a part of schnosmo's top secret spy plan.

- Stay back, dr. Maybe!

Is what I would say if dr. Maybe was real,

And I was really a spy instead of just a clever fairy

Who's using his idiot brother's wand

To have the greatest vacation ever!

Ooh, time for a snide cackle.

Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha, ha.

- I don't understand.

Schnosmo lied?

And after I made him this beautiful ham?

I believed in schnosmo.

He must think I'm the biggest fool in the world.

[Sobs]

- Hey! It's raining ham!

What a great island!

- Okay, that does it!

- Two words:

How did you morons find me?

- My earrings have a tracking device in them.

- Curses!

I mean...shh!

Dr. Maybe lies in wait.

- The only one lying around here is you, schnosmo.

And now you've broken cosmo's heart.

- What? He's my brother.

I would never want to hurt him.

- Well, you did.

And now you're gonna fix it.

Find cosmo and tell him dr. Maybe is real.

- [Span]the evil dr. Maybe:[/span]

[Span]a play in one act[/span]by wanda?

- You're going to learn these lines

And pretend to be the brave spy your brother thinks you are.

- Two words:

Not a chance.

- [Zapping]

Two more words:

That really smarts.

See you on the set.

- What do you want?

You've already taken my trust...

And my ham.

- "Cosmo, you have to help me.

"I was pretending to be a liar to throw off dr. Maybe,

But he's on to me now."

- Yay!

I knew you were lying when you said you were lying!

- I promise I will never...

Lie to you again.

Now let's defeat dr. Maybe.

- [Growling and snarling]

[Both scream]

- The evil volcanic lair of the dreaded dr. Maybe.

Neat!

Is he here?

- Maybe.

- Poof-poof! Meow! Poof!

- Two words: you've got to be kidding.

Zap!

I mean--

"We meet again, dr. Maybe!"

- Double-oh-schnosmo, I have been expecting you.

I am sure you remember my assistant, curlfinger.

- I've come for my wand, dr. Maybe.

I bet I will find it

If I dive into this pit of angry alligators.

Wait. What?

Ahhhh!

- Wow, you sure are brave, schnosmo!

- [Yelping]

Dr. Maybe,

You must have hidden my wand

At the end of your fiendish buzz saw garden.

Oh, come on!

[Yelps]

- Way to show those buzz saws who's boss, brother!

- Double-oh-schnosmo,

The wand is definitely not hidden

Behind this wall.

If I were you, I wouldn't press this button.

- At this point,

Only an idiot would press that button.

- On it!

Beep!

- Roar!

- Two words:

This script is garbage, and I quit.

Ugh.

Bam! Bam!

Ay-yai-yai!

[Screams] thud!

[Moans]

- Poof!

This isn't in the script!

Dr. Maybe, make the octobot stop!

- I can't!

Zee controls are jammed!

- I'll stop it!

- Our wands!

- Ah! - Ah!

[Both scream]

- Don't worry, evil guys!

Double-oh-schnosmo will save us!

Once he gets back from wherever he's running away to!

He's a hero,

Not a horrible, rotten,

Inconsiderate, selfish liar!

- Fear not, cosmo!

Double-oh-schnosmo to the rescue!

Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha.

Smash!

Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha.

[Blows raspberry]

[Whirring]

[Zapping]

Clang!

[Zapping]

Boom!

[All screaming]

- [Grunts]

I picked a good day to start wearing underpants.

- Dr. Maybe surrenders.

- That was amazing, schnosmo!

I can't wait to tell wanda and timmy

All about how wonderful you are.

- I think they already know.

- Thank you...curlfinger.

But if you're going to wear that leotard,

Two words: don't.

- Dr. Maybe, you stole my brother's wand.

Can you please give it back?

- Dr. Maybe can't, but I can!

[All scream]

- [Screams]

- Schnosmo, I took your wand away

Because you repeatedly dined and dashed

At the hungry ninja restaurant,

A delightfully themed and moderately priced

Eating establishment of which I am part owner,

But because of your bravery today,

I now return it to you.

- Thank you, jorgen.

- Just eat somewhere else from now on, huh?

- Nice job, jennifer.

- It's schnosmo.

- That's what I said. Hello?

- Jorgen? Wanda?

Lorenzo?

Okay, I'm really confused.

But since that's how I normally am,

It just feels right!

- Come on, cosmo,

Let's take your brother to dinner

So he can tell us more about being a super spy.

- Oh, I know a great restaurant.

Dinner's on me!

- Hey!

Where is my wallet?

And my earrings?

Schnosmo!

- Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha, ha.

- Ladies and gentlemen!

[Bell dings]

In this corner,

Weighing in at pounds, not counting his teeth,

It's timmy tornado!

- [Growls]

- And in this corner, weighing in at--

- Don't even say it, cosmo.

- It's the whirling curler!

Smack! [Grunts]

- [Grunts]

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Smash! [Screams]

- Well, it's close,

But I'm gonna have to give that round to wanda.

- [Spits]

- Poof! Poof?

Vroom-vroom?

- Aw, I can't play spaceman now, poof.

Your mom and I don't want to miss the first beatdown

Between the nuclear nacho and the blazing burrito.

- Nuclear nacho, here we come!

[Whirring]

- Vroom-vroom?

- Sorry, daddy can't play with you now, poof.

Ooh, look, a tooth!

Be out in a minute, poof.

I just got to find my wand.

[Clanking] ow! Thumbtacks.

- [Gurgles]

[Giggles]

Beep!

[Whirring boom]

[Mom and dad scream]

- Whee!

Yippee!

- Oh, queen!

Your king demands food!

- Bad morning, my king!

Look at this sewage sculpture I made

To immortalize your lovely hideousness!

- [Gobbling]

Burp!

- But I spent the last six months making that.

- [Munching] did you say something?

I couldn't hear you over the sound of me chewing.

- Now fetch me some garbage bonbons!

- You know, sometimes I feel like

Everyone takes advantage of my kindly, queenly nature.

- Ridiculous!

No one does that.

[Whooshing]

Thud!

- Mom!

'Sup?

I've come to totally take advantage

Of your kindly, queenly nature.

I brought my clean laundry for you to dirty up.

- She can't do your laundry now, mark.

She's feeding me bonbons!

- She can't feed you bonbons.

She's gonna do my laundry!

- Bonbons, bonbons, bonbons!

- Laundry, laundry, laundry!

- [Screams]

I wish someone would pay attention

To my needs for a change.

- [Giggling]

Crash!

[All gasp]

[Gasping]

[Gasping]

- [Giggles]

- [Screams]

It's terrifyingly adorable!

You take it.

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

Just keep the hideous beast away,

And I'll do anything you ask!

- Wait.

Anything?

- [Giggles]

- You just want a little attention, don't you?

And so do i.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Poof! Poof!

- I'll take that as a yes!

- People of yugopotamia,

Behold your new emperor!

- [Screams]

- [Stammers]

Wait. Wait.

Who says he's the new emperor?

- Poof! Poof!

- Fine! He's the new emperor!

I'm too terrified to argue!

- The emperor orders you to listen to everything I say

And obey my every whim,

And my first whim is for bonbons.

- [Sobbing]

- This is so bogus!

That's not a emperor.

That's just timmy turner's magic little bro--

Smack! [Screams]

[Smacking and grunting]

Crash! [Screams]

- I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship!

- That wrestling match was awesome!

I can't believe we caught a tooth!

- Ooh, a tooth?

I'm collecting those!

Clink! Ow!

Okay, now I'm collecting scars.

- Cosmo, what are you doing in the vacuum cleaner?

- Vacuuming.

Duh!

- And where's poof?

- Mark chang?

- No, dude, it's just a hologram of me.

Ooh, hologram.

Yo, timmy, can you come to my planet pronto

And pick up your little bro?

- Poof's on yugopotamia?

- Sh-yah!

He's making my mom act totally crazy...

Er!

Just get here quick!

Help me, timmy turner.

You're my only hope!

Later.

- This probe will self-destruct in three seconds.

Three, two, one.

Boom!

- Well, on the bright side,

I got a lot more teeth for my collection.

- Oh, my baby's on yugopotamia!

It's a cruel and dangerous planet!

I can only imagine what horrible things they're doing to him!

[Cheering]

- Vroom! Vroom!

All: vroom! Vroom!

- Whoosh! Whoosh!

All: whoosh! Whoosh!

- That's right, citizens!

The emperor wants you to keep playing...

And bowing to me...

Or else.

And keep fanning me, peon.

- [Gasping]

But my tentacles are cramping.

[Screams]

I mean, yes, my queen!

- So very...

Bogus!

- Wow.

It looks like poof's finally playing spaceman

Like he wanted to.

- Vroom! Vroom!

[Giggles]

All: vroom vroom! - What do you know?

We wouldn't play with poof,

So he got a whole planet to play with him!

- Well, playtime's over.

My baby's going home!

- The emperor's not going anywhere.

Guards!

- Cosmo, quick! We need your wand!

- Still looking for it!

Let's see, mouse trap-- ow!

Lawn dart-- ow!

Taser-- ow!

- Turner!

You're fi-nall-y here to get your little bro--

Smack! [Screams]

[Smacking and grunting]

Crash! [Screams]

- I'm so sorry I can't let you take the emperor.

- But he's not your emperor.

He's my baby!

- Tough tentacles, lady.

I sentence you, timmy,

And your talking vacuum cleaner

To spend eternity in the belly

Of the truly terrifying desert monster,

Jeremy.

[All gasp]

- Don't worry, guys.

With a name like jeremy, how terrifying can he be?

- [Roaring]

[Both scream]

[All screaming]

- Don't worry, I'll pull you out!

Suction powers, activate!

[Screams]

Hot sand in my eyes!

And who left a box of nails out here?

[All screaming]

- Sh-yah, dudes,

This is no time to be playing with jere-magh.

- Thanks for saving us, mark.

Now to get poof back.

- Can we stop somewhere first and suck up a doctor?

- [Giggles]

Poof! Poof!

- The emperor commands rub the queen's feet.

- But you have so many of them.

[Screams]

I mean, yes, my queen!

Crash!

- You?

You're alive?

- Well, barely.

- And now we're finally taking poof away

From this crazy, nutzo planet.

- What makes you think he even wants to go with you?

- Poof, were sorry we didn't play with you today,

But you have to come home with us.

- We promise we'll play spaceman all you want.

- Poof! Poof! [Giggles]

- Baby!

- Mama!

- Yeah, he wants to go with us.

See ya!

- That's not what he said.

The emperor commands the guards

To feed timmy and his friends to heather.

- Who's heather?

- Jeremy's big sister.

She's a teenager, so she's really cranky.

- Like, I'm so cranky.

- Guards!

[Zapping]

- No one's separating me from my baby again!

Time for a beatdown.

Smack!

Whack! Pow!

- Okay, poof,

Let's play!

- I'll get their weapons.

Deep shag setting, activate!

- Ah! Ooh!

Yelp! Oof!

- [Gasps]

- [Gasps]

[All gasp]

[All scream]

- Tornado powers, activate!

[All scream]

Crash!

- Poof! Poof!

- Um, the emperor says-- uh...

He still wants to stay with me?

- Now, I may not be

The sharpest Kn*fe in the drawer--

- Nope, that one's in my spleen.

- But I'm beginning to think the emperor isn't saying

What you say he's saying.

- Busted!

[Screams]

Hate dropping down.

- I'm sorry!

I made the whole thing up.

He just wanted to play,

And I wanted someone to pay attention to me!

- Well, honey,

Why didn't you just say something?

- I did!

- [Stammers]

Okay, okay, how about I take you out

To a romantic dinner at the sewage treatment plant?

- Well, that's a start.

You big lug.

[Smooching]

- Parental displays of affection are most unsavory.

[Gags]

- I'll miss you, hideously cute baby.

- Poof! Poof!

- Come on, guys.

I want to go home

And play with my awesome baby brother.

- I got to go home and empty my bag.

If I suck up one more thing, I'm gonna explode.

Ooh, a bonbon!

[expl*si*n]

Boy, that's a relief!

- [Stammers] wait, wait.
Post Reply