07x18 - Lights Out/Dad Overboard

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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07x18 - Lights Out/Dad Overboard

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- "So the super scary boogie monster

"Bared its fangs at the little kid

"And totally ate him!

The end."

Wasn't that a great story, poof?

- [Whimpering]

[Crying]

- Oh, great.

I forgot, when poof cries, bad things happen.

- Was that thunder, or did I pull my own finger?

- Oh, it's okay, poof.

Timmy, did you read poof a scary story

And make him cry?

- I read poof a story,

But there was nothing scary about it.

- The super scary boogie monster who lives under your bed

And will totally eat you when it gets dark?

- Ah! That book is terrifying.

There are words in it!

- Eeh! Honey!

It's raining in the den, and there's a whale on the sofa.

- There. See, poof?

Everything's okay.

Why don't we all get ready for bed?

- Good idea, wanda.

Night, guys.

- [Screams]

- Timmy, poof's still scared.

Would you mind if we turned on his night-light?

- Knock yourselves out.

I can sleep through anything.

Ah! What's going on?

- That's poof's night-light, the retina melter .

Ah, my retinas!

- You've got to be kidding me.

Guys, this is ridiculous.

I wish the night-light was out.

- Sorry about this, poof.

- Poof-poof?

Eeh!

[Whimpers]

- Ah, that's better.

Now I can finally get some sleep.

- Ah, la-la-la!

- It's morning already?

- Nothing like seconds of sleep

To make you ready to take on the day.

Boy, you look terrible.

- That's 'cause I need more than seconds of sleep.

I wish it was totally dark for hours.

- No light at all?

Timmy, that's dangerous.

Think of the horrible accidents that could happen.

- Oh, you're right.

I wish it was dark for hours

But I had this flashlight to find the bathroom.

- Good call.

We don't want you using the fishbowl again.

[Electrical humming]

- Timmy, there's a fun fact you should know about the dark,

A scary story that's really true,

Called "the scary fairies."

- Ah!

This story's just as terrifying.

It has words in it too.

Ah!

[Glass shatters]

Um, timmy, wanda broke your tv.

- The legend says,

If fairies go for more than eight hours in the dark,

We turn into vicious, crazy, fanged beasts

Who eat their godkids.

- What?

Oh, I get it.

You're trying to get back at me for scaring poof.

Nice try.

I'm going to sleep now, totally not scared.

- Okay, mr. Fearless.

But when you wake up lightly seasoned

In a pot of boiling water, don't say we didn't warn you.

- Ha.

Fairies.

Scary.

[Snoring]

[Yawns]

: P.m.?

Ah, ten hours of sleep,

Just what I needed.

Ooh, I wonder if cosmo and wanda are scary fairies now.

[Laughs]

Hey, why am I in the bathtub?

And what's cooking?

It smells delicious.

Where's the flashlight?

Uh-oh.

This isn't a bathtub.

But I do smell delicious.

- Hi, timmy.

You're looking well roasted.

- Uh, don't you mean "well rested"?

- No! - No!

- Ah!

That should hold 'em.

Now to get out of here.

Ah!

Uh! Uh!

Uh, stairs.

Then I must be in the...

Ah!

Living room.

Man, that was a long fall.

- Eeh, sorry, son.

I just waxed the stairs and added more of them.

- What happened to the light?

Is it a power outage or an eclipse?

- This is chet ubetcha saying it's not a power outage,

And your eyes are open.

- Oh, good, honey, you found a radio.

- No, I didn't.

- This just in: it's dark in dimmsdale,

And I'm lost.

This also just in:

A circus train has derailed in the dark.

The crash has freed a pack of rare and hungry

Saber-toothed tigers with night vision.

Citizens are advised to stay home

And not do anything to attract the savage carnivores.

Ah!

- Eeh, sorry, chet.

I just installed a new trap door in the living room.

- Saber-toothed tigers on the loose?

Oh, looks like I picked a bad day

To thaw out all our frozen beef.

- And I picked a bad time

To smear my naked body in cat food.

- Dad's naked?

[Growling]

- Ah! - Ah!

- Yah!

- Oh, timmy, we're back to normal.

- And we totally don't want to eat you anymore.

- You don't?

Ah!

Scary fairies lie!

There's the front door.

I'm out of here.

- Uh!

- Ah!

Uh.

- Sorry, son.

I moved our house to the top of a hill

Because the view is so much better.

You'll see what I mean

If we live to see the sunrise again.

- In the meantime, we're going to drag our lacerated bodies

To the hospital, sweetie.

You be careful.

- Eeh, eeh, eeh.

- Is she kidding?

I'm not moving from this spot until this wish is over.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

- Eeh, hi, timmy.

Forgot to tell you,

When I moved the house to the top of the hill,

I also moved it closer to the freeway.

Have fun.

[Horn blaring]

[Horn blares]

- Ah!

Uh! Uh!

[Train bell dinging]

Oh, no! Train!

Ah!

Uh.

Don't tell me.

Airport?

- Prepare for takeoff.

- Ah!

Ah!

Uh.

Uh.

Dimmsdale trampoline emporium?

All right.

And I bet, after all that,

I only have a few minutes of darkness left.

Minutes more?

Oh, come on.

[Helicopter blades whirring]

Mr. Crocker, what are you doing?

- I figured it was you

Who plunged dimmsdale into complete darkness.

So I hopped in the crocker copter to find you and say,

"F"!

Thanks to the nuclear reactor I built in the basement,

All my "f"s now glow in the dark.

Of course, so does mother.

- Ooh, get away, you stupid moths.

- But I don't,

Which means you won't be able to see me sneak into your house

To hunt for your fairies.

[Growling]

Wow, I must be really hungry.

- It wasn't your stomach growling.

That was a bunch of escaped saber-toothed tigers

With night vision.

- If that's true, I picked a bad day

To wear my new pork chop underpants.

- You're wearing pork chop underpants?

[Growling]

- Ah! Take it up, mother!

Ah!

Not the pork chops!

- Phew, finally, I'm safe.

[Phone rings]

Hello?

- Hi, timmy. It's tootie.

It's dark and scary out, just like my love for you.

- Uh, yeah, gee, too bad I'm miles away

And you'll never find me.

- Found you!

Now how about a kiss, lover boy?

Muah!

- Ah!

[Thudding]

Uh.

- Watch out for the brick wall I built to surround our love.

- [Sighs]

[Beeping]

Uh.

Where am i?

- You're in the hospital, young man.

You ran into a brick wall over and over

And have been unconscious for an hour.

- An hour? Sweet!

That means I only have half an hour to go.

- Lucky for you, this young girl

Has been passionately giving you mouth-to-mouth

This whole time.

- I'll be waiting for you to pass out again, lover boy.

- Ah!

[Breathing heavily]

Thank goodness this hospital is so big.

I think I lost tootie in the operating room.

- I want a timmy-changa.

- And I want a plate of tim-sum.

- Very clever.

But you know what, guys?

I've decided not to be scared of you anymore.

Never mind!

You guys are even scarier fairies now.

- Did I hear someone mention fairies?

- Mr. Crocker?

What are you doing in the hospital?

- I had to get those tigers

Surgically removed from my underwear.

I don't know which was worse,

The tiger att*ck or the passionate mouth-to-mouth

From mother.

Anyhoo, I'll take a fairy now. Thank you.

- [Growls loudly]

- Uh. Uh.

Uh, wow, they're more ferocious than I remember.

Mother, start the crocker copter

While I drag my lacerated body towards you.

- b*ating up mr. Crocker sure worked up an appetite.

- Yeah, I want a blt sandwich.

That's bacon, lettuce, and tim-mato.

- Yah!

Uh!

- There you are, timmy.

I brought a canoe paddle to help you pass out again.

- Ah!

- [Moaning]

- Uh!

Uh!

[Tigers growling]

Yah!

[All laughing maniacally]

[Timmy breathing heavily]

Uh.

Oh, no. I think I'm on the roof.

That means I'm trapped.

[Loud crash]

[Loud pounding]

Wait, only seconds left until the lights come on.

I can do this.

Oh, no. Maybe I can't.

Five seconds.

Four, three, two.

Ah!

No!

Stop eating me!

Ah!

Wait, the wish is over?

The light's back on, and I'm not in cosmo's stomach?

- Yep, we're back to normal, and just in time too.

You were pretty scared, sport.

- No, I wasn't.

Ah! Yes, I was.

I was scared.

Turn the lights on.

- [Laughs]

Boy, we really got you, timmy.

I mean, um...

Wanda broke your flower pot.

- Wait a minute.

You guys were only pretending to be scary fairies?

- Yep.

You needed to learn your lesson about scaring poof.

- Poof, I'm really sorry I scared you

And that I made such a silly wish.

I don't ever want that much darkness again.

And while there's still daylight,

I'm gonna enjoy it.

Ah! Thud!

- The house is still on a hill, son.

- Yay! Timmy's unconscious again!

- Hey, turner family,

This is gonna be the greatest vacation ever,

One whole week at the golden carcass luxury motel

In tucson, arizona!

- Uh.

- Aw, what's wrong, sport?

You don't seem too excited.

- It's just that my dad gets lost on the way

To every vacation.

Dad, I don't think we're in the desert.

- Yee, what makes you say that, timmy?

- We just passed santa's workshop.

- Merry christmas!

[All gasp]

[All screaming]

- Timmy's right.

We're lost.

- Oh, nonsense, honey.

Men have gpsses for brains.

We never go the wrong way.

[All screaming]

All: wrong way!

[All screaming]

- [Whimpering]

Another elf on the windshield

And another vacation gone horribly wrong,

Just like our trip to mount st. Dimmsdale...

[All screaming]

And our trip to the big apple...

[All screaming]

And our trip to dragon country safari.

[All screaming]

No!

I can't ruin another vacation.

I know.

I'll build a boat and sail my family to safety,

And I won't feel like a man till I do.

I'll just feel like a woman named linda.

- And I'll do what I always do on these vacations:

Light a signal fire and gather coconuts.

- I feel bad for your father, sport.

Maybe I should just poof us all back home.

- Nope, you heard my dad.

He's not gonna feel better unless he saves us.

Besides, he and the elf are handling things just fine.

- Geh! Geh.

Linda broke her fingernail.

- Anyway, while my dad works on saving us,

I'm gonna enjoy an actual vacation.

Ah, this is the life,

Kicking back on the beach with no school

And no mr. Crocker.

[Slurping]

I wonder what he's doing now.

- "F!"

Hmm.

It just doesn't feel the same.

Here, put these on.

"F!"

Uh, still no good.

Without turner to humiliate, my life has lost all meaning.

I don't feel like a man anymore.

I feel like a woman named linda.

Ah! Linda broke her fingernail.

- Timmy, I stole these berries from an angry monkey.

Would you try them to see if they're poisonous?

- No need for poisonous berries, mom.

- Wow, where did you get a smoothie,

Club sandwich, and curly fries?

- Uh, I snared them in a net.

- Oh, you're quite the little survivor.

Hm, unlike your father, linda.

- Linda heard that.

- Dad, I brought you a sandwich and a drink.

Whoa!

What is this?

- Eeh, it's a boat store.

Everyone knows you can't get a boat without a boat store.

- Uh, wouldn't it be easier to just build a boat?

- Sure, timmy.

And it would be easier to count to if came before .

But life doesn't work that way.

- Okay.

Look, I think you've been out in the sun a little too long.

Why don't you put on some sun block?

- Deh, no need, son.

I'm wearing a hat.

- Uh.

- Timmy, I think your dad's gone a little crazy.

Shouldn't we poof back to dimmsdale now?

- No, if my dad doesn't save us on his own,

We'll have to call him "linda" forever,

And he'll feel totally useless.

- I feel totally useless.

Oh, linda, what are you going to do.

Without turner to destroy,

You've become a shell of a woman.

[Low rumbling]

- Clear the area.

This building is about to be demolished.

- That's it.

Can't destroy turner,

But maybe watching something else get destroyed

Will cheer me up.

Crash!

Nothing.

I feel nothing.

Uh! Okay, I felt that.

- Thanks for the waterslide, guys.

Whoo-hoo!

Now how about poofing me up a frozen yogurt stand?

Oh, yeah.

All: uh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh.

- Oh, look, a waterslide and a frozen yogurt stand.

I wonder where those came from.

- Uh, global warming?

- Well, that makes sense.

- And I'd better check on poof.

I promised I'd help him build a sandcastle.

- Poof-poof?

- Well, it's a start, poof, but you totally forgot the moat.

Clang!

- Poof-poof?

- Timmy, oh, you're just in time

For the grand opening of linda's boat store.

- Whoa.

All we have to do is take one of these boats

And sail home.

- Timmy, we can't just take a boat.

That would be stealing.

We have to buy one from the boat salesman.

But I haven't built him yet.

- Where'd you get the power saw?

- I borrowed it from stanley

Over at the hardware store I built.

It's right next to the laundromat.

Hi, stanley.

I see you're out for a stroll with the missus.

- Wanda was right.

We need to get my dad out of here.

- What did you find, poof?

- Poof-poof?

- Wow! Just what I always wanted,

A b*mb-shaped alarm clock.

What's this button do?

Beep!

Aw, I was hoping it was the radio.

Stupid alarm clock.

Let's hit it with a hammer.

- [Laughing]

[Buzzing]

- Uh, general mccloud, remember that b*mb we lost?

- Which one, sergeant flint?

We're the u.s. m*llitary!

We lose bombs every day!

- Uh, it's the one that looks like a big alarm clock.

Well, it's been activated.

- Fantastic.

A depressed fifth-grade teacher

Has brought his class on a field trip.

They're gonna love watching an island explode.

- Is the island named timmy?

- Whoo-hoo!

Wanda? What's that humming sound?

Uh.

- Hey, guys.

Man, are you having a bad hair day.

- Cosmo, what is that thing?

- Oh, this?

Just a stupid alarm clock.

Want to know the time?

It's :.

:.

:.

- Cosmo, that's a b*mb.

- A b*mb?

You guys got to poof me and my parents

Out of here right now.

[Trumpet fanfare]

- [Grunting]

- Oh, that b*mb's putting out a magnetic field

That's affecting our magic.

- Oh, no.

Now the only one who can save us is my dad.

[All screaming]

Dad, we've got to get out of here fast.

There's a b*mb on the island.

- No problem, timmy.

I just bought a boat from eduardo here.

Eduardo, you've got yourself a deal.

- Oh, no.

This is a disaster.

- You're telling me.

Eduardo's hurt bad.

It's a good thing I built a hospital

Next to the airport.

We could take that plane home,

But I don't know how to fly.

I'm gonna go build a flight school.

- Ah! Dad, listen to me!

You wanted to save our family, right?

This is your big chance.

- Well, we could always use the submarine, I guess.

[Chirps]

[Dolphins chirping]

With all the spare time I had,

I converted the station wagon into an amphibious vehicle.

- That's awesome.

I'll get mom.

- And I'll get stanley and his headless wife.

[Beeping]

- Welcome to the tour!

It's your lucky day.

You get to watch an island blow up.

Have a complimentary juice box.

[Beeping]

- [Breathing heavily]

- General mccloud, the island's inhabited.

- It's turner.

He's about to be destroyed for real.

Suddenly I feel alive again.

- We can't blow up a populated island, linda.

Besides, there's an elf on it.

We'll all end up on santa's naughty list.

Deactivate that b*mb, sergeant!

- No!

[Electrical sizzling]

- Say, the circuits are fried.

I can't stop the b*mb from detonating.

- Hooray!

I mean, oops.

Can you zoom in on the kid with the beaver teeth?

- Hang on, everyone.

I'll save you or my name isn't linda.

- Hurry!

Who knows how much time we have till that b*mb explodes.

- I know. We have five,

Four, three...

- Cosmo, get rid of that b*mb!

[Beeping]

[expl*si*n]

[All crying]

- Hooray!

Best tour ever!

- [Whimpering]

Good news, kids.

Everyone on the island made it to safety.

- Eh?

[Children cheering]

No!

Mother, my mother.

- Now, now, linda.

A pretty lady like you shouldn't cry.

[All cheering]

- You did it, linda.

I mean dad.

- You're a hero.

- That was the best vacation ever.

- Honey, I think you're going the wrong way again.

- Am not.

[All screaming]

Ooh, we are so going to be on santa's naughty list.

- Wrong way! - Wrong way!

[All screaming]

- Ho, ho, ho!

- Linda!
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