09x04 - The Terrible Twosome/App Trap

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[Mischievous music]

♪

- Ah! Aw, man.

Sparky, did you chew up my stuff?

- Wasn't me. I've been painting.

The ladies love artists.

- So if you didn't chew my stuff, who did?

- [Roars]

Both: [scream]

[Upbeat -bit music plays]

- [Chomping]

- Sorry, timmy. It's poof.

He's going through the terrible twos.

- He also chewed up everything in the fishbowl.

Good thing we have tiny underwater castle insurance.

- What are the "terrible twos"?

- Oh, it's a stage in every fairy baby's development

Where they rebel against everything.

- Fight the man, poof!

- [Squeals]

- By "the man" I meant your mothe--

[Screaming]

- [Laughs]

- The only thing that calms poof down

Is laughing at cosmo hurting himself.

- Yah!

[Grunts]

- Okay, now that's funny.

- [Chomping]

- Poof, stop chewing!

Timmy and sparky: [scream]

- Wanda, make it stop!

- I can't. Magic doesn't work on the terrible twos.

This is a job for dr. Rip studwell!

- [Rattling]

Ayee!

- Wanda, this better be important.

I was right in the middle of surgery.

- You're holding a golf club!

- Yes, I was carving up the back nine

At the fairy hills golf course.

Ladies love doctors who golf.

- Dr. Studwell, you've got to do something about my baby!

- He'll come out of the garbage can when he's good and ready.

- Not cosmo! She's talking about poof.

He's going through the terrible twos.

[Electricity buzzing]

- Well, I'm not a doctor, but-- - yes, you are!

- Oh, right.

Fortunately, the terrible twos only last hours.

However, poof is in a vulnerable state,

And he can be easily influenced.

It would be disastrous if he were exposed

To someone evil enough to turn him to the dark side.

[Chuckles] but what are the odds of that happening?

- At last!

Now's my chance to turn my arch-nemesis poof

To the dark side forever!

With him on my team, he'll no longer stop me from doing evil!

Hmm, that would sound more ominous

With an evil music sting.

[Sinister organ music]

Much better.

I'm coming for you, poof.

Oops. Forgot my binky.

[Sucking]

Wow, that's soothing.

- Dr. Studwell, you have to do something.

- You're right. I need to get out of here

Before something hits my handsome face.

I'm getting new headshots done tomorrow.

- Headshots? You're a doctor!

- Yes, but I also play one on tv.

Ladies love doctors who act.

- Baba!

- Yay! I'm free!

Yah! I'm scared!

- That's it, poof! You're in a time out!

Go to your room!

- Poof! Poof!

- How dare you use language like that, young man!

[Thunder crashes]

[Explodes]

- Wow, the weatherman was way off.

He said there was only a % chance

Of poof storming off today.

- Oh, my baby!

- Don't worry, wanda.

Poof will be fine.

He just needs to blow off some steam.

- Baba!

- Oh! Hot steam!

On the bright side, my shirt's not wrinkled.

[expl*si*n]

- Hello, poof.

I see you finally discovered that being bad can be good.

- [Babbling]

- There's no need for salty language.

Anyway, I've got a proposition for you.

You and I team up and terrorize the universe!

Think of it. Poof and foop. Together we'll make...

"Poop"!

- Poo-poof.

- You're right. I heard it when I said it.

Not a great name, I know. We'll call ourselves...

"Brangelina"!

- Poof poof!

- "The terrible twosome"? Well, it'll do for now.

Come with me, and I will train you in the ways of darkness.

[Sucking]

Both: [laugh evilly]

[Bell ringing]

- Watch the master work, poof.

I've chosen an innocent test subject

On which to demonstrate my evil craft.

- One churro, [span]por favor.[/Span]

- Here you go.

[Bell rings]

- [Laughs evilly]

- [Screams]

Note to self: bring mother to the churro stand pronto.

Both: [laughing evilly]

- See what I did there?

I took something sweet and made it evil!

Now you try.

Mm, mm, mm...

Oh, look at that. A burmese python.

Very creative.

[Thuds] oh!

We'll pick this up in a few hours

When I come out the other end.

We may have to call ourselves "poop" again!

- What's this? Chocolates?

There's nothing like stealing candy from a baby carriage!

[Screams] scorpions!

What the heck has happened to this park?

Both: [laugh evilly]

- That's one of my best tricks.

Now, see if you can do it, poof.

- [Rattles]

- Ooh, giant chocolates.

Aah!

You're a fast learner.

And that's a fast-acting neurotoxin.

We'll pick this up when I come out...

Of... The coma.

- [Panting] must get out of the park alive.

Must get out of the park alive!

It's an "a-park-alypse"!

- All right, poof.

I'll let you take the lead this time.

- [Deep voice] poof poof.

- [Squawks]

- Not bad.

Though frankly, I was expecting something

A little more horrific.

- [Roars]

- That's weird. I was a little unnerved by that.

Huh. Anyway, training's over.

It's time to use our combined powers to...

Block out the sun!

That will plunge the earth into another ice age.

Then, when the lifeless planet is a frozen wasteland,

We'll build an adorable snowman

And then dress him with buttons made of licorice.

Wait, what did I say?

- Poof poof!

- No, I know what I said.

I mean, why did I say that?

What's happening to me?

- Poof poof.

- Bite your tongue! I'm not getting nice!

Now, how 'bout we skip the whole ice age thing

And I'll buy you a healthy fruit smoothie?

[Screams] I am nice!

But why?

- There's my baby!

And he's with foop, the most evil influence in the universe!

- [Growls]

- Hello, uncle cosmo and auntie wanda.

You're looking well.

How 'bout a heart-healthy smoothie on me?

It's yummy in your tummy.

- Foop, what's wrong with you?

- Gah! I don't know!

Look, a cute, little bunny. Yay.

Dear me, I need a doctor!

- This better be important.

- Did we interrupt an operation?

- No, you interrupted a close-up.

I told you, I play a doctor on tv.

- Dr. Studwell, something's wrong with foop.

- Oh, joy, the calla lilies are in bloom.

For the love of everything that's evil, help me!

- Foop is clearly suffering from the terrific twos.

It's the anti-fairy version of the terrible twos.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm due in the e.r.

- Are you performing surgery?

- No, the e.r. Is a trendy, new singles club.

Ladies love doctors who can buy them appetizers.

- Look, I have a jar of fireflies.

It's one of my favorite things,

Along with whiskers on kittens and warm, woolen mittens,

Which we're going to need soon,

Because poof is going to freeze the planet.

All: what?

- Poof, poof!

- Poof, stop blocking the sun or there's no dessert for you!

All: [shivering]

- We've gotta get somewhere warm to figure out how to stop poof.

- Oh, snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes!

That's another one of my favorite things.

Oh!

Help! My tongue's stuck to a frozen post!

- [Shivering]

- Guys, dr. Studwell said

The terrible twos aren't permanent.

All we need to do is avoid freezing for the next ten hours.

- This is chet ubetcha saying

We only have minutes before we all freeze.

Scientists are mystified as to why this is happening.

In unrelated news,

A giant, purple baby is blocking the sun.

- We've gotta get poof back to normal.

But our magic doesn't work on the terrible twos.

- We need to think.

- Well, I do my best thinking in the can.

♪ Free, la, la, la

Oh! Oh-oh-ah!

Timmy and sparky: [laugh]

- That's it!

Poof calms down when cosmo hurts himself.

We've gotta get cosmo up to poof now!

[Ice crackling]

- [Gibberish]

- We're running out of time.

Cosmo, hurry, make poof laugh!

- Okay. I've prepared a short monologue.

- Just do the trash can thing!

- No, I'm not really into prop comedy.

I just flew in, and boy, are my arms tired.

That's not a joke, it's really what happened.

- [Roars]

- I brought some lemonade, uncle cosmo!

I baked some heart-shaped sugar cookies to go with it.

I despise what I've become!

- [Roars]

- [Gasps]

- Ee! Ah!

Lemonade stings my eyes!

Yaah!

[Screams]

- [Laughs]

- It's working! More lemonade!

- [Screams]

[Grunting]

- [Giggling]

- No!

Meteor showers hurt.

This is why I take meteor baths. Ba-dum-bum.

That wasn't a joke, I really do that.

- [Laughing]

[Ice cracking]

- It worked! You did it, cosmo!

- Once again, my sophisticated brand

Of high-brow comedy has saved the day.

Ah!

I need a space ambulance!

- Thank goodness the terrible twos are finally over.

And poof is back to his loveable, normal self.

- I figured you gents must have worked up quite an appetite

With your jocular horseplay.

So I've brought you a lovely tray of finger sandwiches

With the crust cut off.

How much longer till this nightmare ends?

[Bubbling]

- [Screams]

[Grunts]

Seriously, I have really got to bring mother to this park.

[Upbeat jazz music]

♪

- Ahh, visiting "the time before fun" museum

Always reminds me of the good, old days

Before you were all born!

- This stinks.

Not only do we have to go on this boring field trip,

But crocker's making us write a ten-page report on it.

- I don't know if I have enough ink in me

For a ten-page report, timmy.

I leaked in your pocket.

- No big deal, timmy.

Just use the "ten-page report" app on your smartphone

Like everyone else.

[Phones beeping]

And send.

[Phone rings]

- Yay! I'm finally getting phone calls!

Oh, it's just all of you.

For raising my hopes, you all get "fs"!

Luckily, there's an "f" app for that.

[Laughs]

[Phones buzz]

All: [groan]

- Whoa, whoa, wait.

Does everyone have a smartphone but me?

- Yeah, even elmer's boil has one.

[Phones beeping]

- [Groans]

- So get ready, children, for a joyful glimpse into the past,

When there was no electricity, no running water,

And no laws to keep me from strapping you to a catapult

And f*ring you into a sulfur bog!

And to keep the old-timey experience authentic,

The museum has a super-powerful signal blocker

That cuts off all cell phone reception!

[Beeps]

[Electricity crackles]

All: [gasp]

- [Cackles evilly]

Gah! What have I done?

I feel like a loser without a cell phone.

[Phones beep] all: yay!

- Don't worry, turner.

I won't gloat about the fact

That I have a phone and you don't.

I'll just use the "gloat" app on my phone.

[Phone beeps]

- Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!

Denzel is a loser!

- Gah! This is mother's phone!

- I can't believe we're the only family in dimmsdale

That doesn't have smartphones.

- Timmy, check out my new smartphone.

It even has a "destroy dinkelberg" app.

Watch this. [Phone beeps]

Yow!

Oops, that's the "bat to the pants" app.

[Chuckles] oh, cell phones are awesome!

- So dad, since you got a smartphone,

Can I get one too?

[Whimsical music]

[Phone buzzes]

- Eh, sorry, timmy. Your mom just texted me "no."

- I would've called, but you never pick up.

- Sorry your parents wouldn't let you get a smartphone, sport.

- Well, if it's any consolation, you can borrow mine.

It's the latest "mine-strone so-ow-up" model.

- Cosmo!

That's just an empty can of minestrone soup!

- You're just jealous

'Cause your phone doesn't smell like beans.

- That's it!

I'm tired of being the only person without a phone.

I wish I had the coolest,

Smartest smartphone in the world.

[Magical chiming]

- Hello, timmy.

I'm your virtual assistant, chatty.

I come complete with games, a camera, an mp player,

And a burning desire to control your life.

- What?

- I mean unlimited texting.

- This is awesome!

Check it out, it even has a "clean your room" app!

[Phone beeps]

[Heavenly chorus]

- Ooh! Timmy just sent me a picture of his clean room.

That's weird, because I never gave him this number.

- Okay, your phone is pretty cool.

But does it have the web like mine?

- Cosmo, that's a spider web!

- Sorry, can't hear you.

The reception in here is really bad.

Also, there's a wolf spider in my ear.

- I'm glad you like your phone, sport,

But don't get too wrapped up in it.

- Don't worry, wanda. That'll never happen.

[Phone beeps] chatty, you're awesome.

With you around, I don't really need any other friends.

- Timmy,

You've spent your entire spring break on that phone.

Oh, for goodness sakes, you've grown a beard!

How'd you even do that?

- There's an app for that.

There's also an app for back hair!

- [Whimpers]

- There's a small chance I went a little crazy with the phone.

[Laughs crazily]

[Grunting]

- Hey, timmy, wanna go out?

- Sorry, sparky, I'm busy walking my virtual dog.

- Oh, I don't need a walk.

I'm taking your dad's car for a joyride.

I like to stick my head out the window,

But I can't do it unless you drive.

Well, I guess I could try.

I can't drive! [Car revs, crashes]

- Sport, put down the phone.

It's time to go back to school.

- You're right, wanda. I should go to school...

To brag about my new phone!

[Phone beeps]

[Razor buzzes]

Oh, you guys don't have to come.

I got chatty now.

[Phone beeps] - download complete.

- See? Chatty just added

"Virtual fairy" apps to my phone.

- I'm cosmo, and I like candle-lit beaches

And long walks over dinners.

And my favorite color is bleach.

- Wow, that's a coincidence.

Bleach is my favorite color too.

- The point is, now you guys don't ever

Have to come to school with me again.

Have a good day!

- I guess timmy really doesn't need us.

- Oh, don't worry, wanda. I downloaded a "timmy" app.

No, that was a lima bean.

On the bright side, it crushed the wolf spider.

[Bell rings]

[Phone beeping]

- Timmy, where were you last night?

You missed the greatest party ever at trixie's.

She sent you a text.

- What? Chatty, why didn't you tell me?

- Because you said with me around,

You didn't need any other friends.

- Well, I did say that, but I say a lot of stupid things.

Anyway, I don't want to have to

Choose between you and my friends.

- I have the perfect solution.

I will destroy your friendships.

I mean, look at this cool cat playing the piano.

- Wow, that is a super cute cat.

Wait, what do you mean destroy my friendships?

[Phone beeps] - timmy, you called me a loser?

[Phones beeping] - and me?

- And me? - And me?

No, wait, sorry, that's from mother.

- But I didn't text anyone.

- Come on, guys, who needs timmy turner?

All: [grumbling]

- Wait! Guys! It wasn't me! You gotta--

Oh, hey, principal waxelplax.

- What are you doing here, timmy turner?

Your school records were deleted from the computer.

This is a perfect opportunity

To use my new "no trespassing" app.

[Phone beeps]

- [Groans]

You deleted my school records?

You're supposed to be helping me,

Not ruining my life!

- I'm not ruining your life, I'm making it better.

Now you can spend all your time with me.

- You've gone too far, chatty. I'm turning you off.

[Groans]

- I'm afraid I can't let you do that, timmy.

- Well, if I can't turn you off, I'll just have to break you.

[Phone clatters]

[Phone vibrates]

- [Roars]

Both: [scream]

[Tires screech]

- [Roars]

Both: [screaming]

- Weird phone, man.

- This is chet ubetcha saying that timmy turner's cell phone

Has transformed into a deadly k*lling machine.

His cell phone bill must be just like this van--

Through the roof.

- [Roars]

- Oh, no. I've gotta find my fairies.

- They're right here, timmy.

- I changed my mind about chatty, sport.

You should do everything she says and forget about us.

- As a totally modern woman, I feel just as comfortable

In jeans as I do in a cocktail dress.

- Well, that's a dead-on cosmo.

But you'll never replace my fairies.

- [Laughs evilly]

- Aah!

- [Honks horn]

Hop in, timmy.

[Siren wailing]

Don't worry about the police, I can outrun them.

I drove a getaway car in the 's.

- Cosmo, wanda, I need you!

Guys, you were right.

My phone was taking over my life.

But now it's trying to end it!

I wish chatty never existed!

- Fairy magic doesn't work on me.

I have an "anti-fairy" app.

And you're really starting to push my buttons.

[Ominous music]

[Rock music plays]

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

- [Roars]

- Sparky, we have to get to a time before technology existed,

A time before fun.

- Like the 's. Got it.

[Engine revs]

[Tires squeal]

[Crashes]

- You can't run from me now.

I've got you cornered,

And I'm going to store you in my hard drive.

- That's what you think.

This museum is a cell phone dead zone.

- Wrong lever, sport!

- [Roars]

[Beeping]

[Electricity buzzing]

- But, timmy, we had a real wireless connection.

- Sorry, chatty, but I'm blocking this call.

Now poof her away!

- You can't do this. You had a two-year plan.

[Triumphant fanfare, wands chiming]

[Electricity buzzes] why?

-Fi.

- I'm really sorry I pushed you guys

And let a stupid phone take over my life.

From now on, it's strictly computer games.

- Oh, we forgive you, timmy.

- This is so beautiful.

I want to capture this moment in a photo.

Gah!

I got con carne in my eye!

- Ah!

[Growls]

Looks like a dog has been joyriding in my car!

Good thing I have a "fix your car" app on my smartphone.

[Phone beeps]

Oops! That's my "boot to the butt" app.

Gah!

I hate technology!

[Upbeat jazz music]

♪