09x10 - Dog Gone/Turner Back Time

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- We have an emergency.

It's a code lead.

I repeat, code lead. [All scream]

My boss, mr. Ed leadly, is coming over for dinner tonight,

And I want to impress him!

- Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- I did! I used the most reliable method

Of communication I know:

Semaphore flags.

It's just like talking but with flags

And no words. [Doorbell rings]

Gah! Mr. Ed leadly's here,

And some idiot ruined the food by flipping over the table.

- Dad, that was you.

- There's no time for finger-pointing.

Quick! I'll go distract mr. Ed leadly

While you whip up a delicious five-course meal.

- Five courses? Oh, it's a good thing

I have this handy cookbook.

- Mom, that's a car manual.

- Nonsense. Now go get some antifreeze for the antipasto.

- Welcome to my impressive home, mr. Ed leadly.

Allow me to impress you with my many bowling trophies.

- These are all women's bowling trophies.

You're not a woman.

- Yes, but the woman I bought them from was.

Unlike me, she was a very accomplished lady.

- Time for appe-tires!

- Hey! [Crash]

- Ooh, good job, honey! You knocked his socks off.

- Okay, everyone. Next course,

Steak tar-tire.

There's more where this came from.

I took all four tires from that fancy car out front.

- That was my car!

Now I'm trapped here.

This is like the beginning of a horror movie.

- Bosses get the first piece, mr. Ed leadly.

- [Screams]

- Guys, I've got to help my dad out

Before this gets any worse.

I wish my mom would serve up something mr. Leadly

Would actually like.

- Hey. That actually smells edible.

Wow, this is the best steak I've ever had.

It almost makes up for the bucket of sharpened pencils

I landed on in the basement.

- Those aren't stolen from work!

- [Gasps]

- Oh, no, mr. Ed leadly is choking

And trying to say something.

Here. Use my flags.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

There's a german u-boat under the table.

Dive! Dive! - [Screams]

- Don't worry, timmy. I'll save mr. Leadly.

- Wow. Your dog saved my life.

I'm gonna do what I always do when I like something--

Buy it.

I'll offer you $ million for him.

- Sold! For $ million, I'll throw in

My women's bowling trophies and the pencils in the basement

I did not steal from my work.

- Dad, no!

Sorry, mr. Leadly,

But sparky's not for sale.

He's my dog, and I love him.

- Couldn't you learn to love $ million?

- No, dad. You can't sell sparky.

- I'm sorry, mr. Ed leadly,

But, if that dog makes my son timmy happy,

Then I can't sell him to you.

Even though my son doesn't seem to be too concerned

With me being happy.

[Weeps]

- Well, you cry like a woman bowler.

You're gonna regret this, turner.

I always get what I want, and, if I don't get that dog,

I'm gonna make your life miserable.

- [Exclaims]

Curse you, legitimately-acquired pencils.

[Elevator bell dings] good morning, mr. Ed leadly.

I hope you're okay

With the whole "not getting my dog" thing.

- I'm fine, turner.

On a completely unrelated note,

I'm furious, and I've got a super dangerous

And hopefully painful job for you.

- Thanks, mr. Ed leadly,

But I'm already married.

- I'm not gonna marry you.

I'm putting you in the pencil testing room

Where you'll be testing the durability of pencils

And regretting not giving me your dog.

- [Groans]

Hey-hey!

[Whimpers]

- Can I have the dog now? - No.

But I have to say these pencils are amazing.

None of them broke. - I see I'm going to have

To turn up the heat.

Which is ironic, because I'm sending you

To the pencil freezing room.

- [Shivers]

Hello, kitty.

Pick the other meat. Pick the other meat.

- [Yowls]

- [Screams]

- Ready to give up the dog, turner?

- No, mr. Ed leadly.

You can take my dignity--

Well, the snow leopard did that.

And you can take my spleen--

Well, the snow leopard also did that.

But you can't take my son's dog.

- Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow at : a.m.

In the penci-fuge.

- Ooh, did you built that to test pencils

That are going into space?

You know, space pencils,

Or "spencils," if you will.

- No, I built it to abuse employees.

Who sends pencils into space?

You're an idiot, turner.

- [Sobs]

- Dad, did you know there's a snow leopard outside?

- Yeah, I rode him home

Because I had no feeling in my legs.

- Did mr. Leadly do this

Because you wouldn't give up sparky?

- Well, yes, timmy,

But it was worth it to keep your dog.

There was lightning and bulls,

And tomorrow I become a space pencil.

Or a "spencil," if you will.

- I feel terrible for my dad.

His boss is torturing him for not giving up sparky.

- Oh, if only there was a way for you and mr. Leadly

To both have sparky.

- There is. We'll just pretend to give you

To mr. Leadly, and you could just poof home

When he's not around.

- Ooh, what a coincidence, timmy.

Whenever you're not around, I poof over to mr. Leadly's house.

Hey, leadly, stop hogging the jets.

- [Screams] the hot tub ghost is back!

- Timmy, sharing me with mr. Leadly is a great idea.

- You'll love his place.

But bring your own swimsuit.

Mr. Leadly does not like it

When you use his hot tub in the buff.

- [Whimpering]

Oh, timmy, I'm so nervous about going to work

That I've run out of nails to bite.

I started gnawing on these pencils I did not steal.

- Dad, it's okay, 'cause-- - come on, turner.

I want to take you for a big, greasy breakfast

Before I put you in the penci-fuge.

- That won't be necessary, mr. Leadly.

I've decided to give you my dog

So you'll stop being mean to my dad.

- Oh, timmy, I can't allow you to do that.

[Sobs] quick, take the dog

Before the boy changes his mind.

- So you're gonna let me take your son's dog, huh?

Wow. You're spineless.

And not just because I dropped a piano on you.

- There's no winning with you!

Thank you, timmy. You're a good son.

Now close your eyes. I'm saying some off-color things

To mr. Ed leadly.

- Well, it's getting late.

Mr. Leadly should be going to bed soon.

Sparky should be back any minute.

- Ooh, if mr. Leadly's going to bed, I'm hitting the hot tub

Wearing only a smile.

- That was a nice thing you two did

For your dad.

- It was no big deal, wanda.

Besides, what could possibly go wrong?

- Well, I did have an accident on mr. Leadly's lawn.

I drove his sports car into a tree.

It's okay. He blamed the hot tub ghost.

- Anyway, because of what you two did,

Your dad's gonna sleep peacefully tonight.

- [Whimpers]

- You let me take your son's dog.

You're spineless. You're spineless.

- You're spineless. - Oh, great.

She's doing impersonations in her sleep again.

[Groans] I can't stop thinking about giving up timmy's dog.

Well, I'm sure it'll pass.

Oh, no, it's passing right by the door.

Ooh, I smell general mao's orange chicken.

That's sparky's favorite midnight snack.

What kind of voodoo is this?

Sparky? My guilty mind is playing tricks on me.

- Yes. You're seeing things.

I'm just gonna pack up this chicken to go.

I mean, I'm not here.

You've gone crazy.

- I must have been crazy to let mr. Ed leadly take timmy's dog.

It's just not right. I've got to get him back.

Right after I eat this orange chicken

From my guilty subconscious.

- [Yowls]

- Get your own orange chicken,

Snow leopard.

Now to stealthily sneak up on mr. Ed leadly

And get timmy's dog back.

[Doorbell chimes]

Mr. Ed leadly!

It's timmy's dad!

I'm here for sparky!

Timmy's dog!

- Fine. Step inside, turner.

That way, I can att*ck you legally.

- [Screams] - so you think you're taking

The dog back, do you?

You'll never get through my lethal

Yet offbeat security system.

[Beep]

- Nice try,

But, thanks to your abuse at work,

I was ready for that. [Beep]

Also now I'm immune to lightning and can harness its power.

[Beep]

[Exclaims]

You might as well eat that, mr. Ed leadly.

I had general mao's orange chicken,

And I'm not hungry anymore.

And now I'm gonna use my freak lightning powers

To take back my son's dog.

- [Exclaims] - give him to me, mr. Ed leadly,

Or I'll turn you into a pot roast!

- I'd give you back the dog, turner,

But I don't know where he is.

[Crash, lightning zapping]

[Dialing]

[Cell phone ringing]

- Timmy, we've got a problem.

My big toe is stuck in one of the hot tub jets,

And it's making a horrible farting sound.

Also your dad is blasting lightning bolts at mr. Ed leadly

So he'll give sparky back.

- Oh, no. Sparky, get back to mr. Ed leadly's house!

- I'm sorry I have to turn you into a pot roast,

Mr. Ed leadly, but you made me into the monster that I am!

- Stop, turner.

You can have the dog.

You're the first person that's ever stood up to me, turner.

Looks like you're not spineless after all.

- Yay, me!

Can I still have my job at pencil nexus?

- Of course. I'm afraid to fire you,

You terrifying freak of nature.

You sh**t lighting bolts from your fingers.

- Hooray! Come on, sparky.

Let's get you home to timmy.

I love you too, sparky.

- No, you just had some orange chicken on your cheek.

- Ooh, did you just talk?

- No. - Okay.

- Ah, sparky,

It's good to have you home

And everything back to normal.

- Oh, dear. I undercooked dinner.

- Now I overcooked it.

Quick, everyone. To the cake and bacon!

[Whistles]

- [Snarls]

- Snowflake, away!

Spencils!

[Yankee doodleplaying]

♪

- Whoo-hoo!

- What's all the excitement, timmy?

Has the dog uprising finally begun?

Tomorrow we will walk humans,

And they will sniff our butts.

- What are you talking about, sparky?

I'm excited because I found out I'm almost famous.

- Ohhh.

Well, I was only kidding about the dog uprising.

This is alpha dog to red leader.

Abort mutt uprising. I repeat, abort, abort.

- Guys, I found out in history class

That my great-great-grandparents

Were involved in the founding of dimmsdale.

- That's the big deal?

Ooh, what a snoozefest.

Can we go back to the dog uprising?

- Anyway, I have to write a report on my ancestors.

This is my great-great-grandfather

Ebenezer turner.

Although I don't really see

A family resemblance.

- Oh, timmy!

Look, what I found in the attic--

My old flab blaster.

- Dad, why are you dressed like an old-timey man-woman?

- I can't blast my flab in gym clothes.

I'm too flabby to fit into them.

- Okay. So is it true that my great-great-grandparents

Helped found the town?

- That's right, timmy.

We put the dim in dimmsdale.

- So what did my great-great-grandfather

Do for a living?

- Ooh, he was the town crier.

- Wow, so he went around town crying out the daily news?

- No, he literally wandered the streets bawling his eyes out.

Probably because he was dressed as a man-woman.

Anyway, I gotta go.

My head is burning up in this wig.

- Well, that is a lot of hair.

- No, there's a nest of fire ants in here.

Gah. Not in the mouth!

- Well, it's time to start my report.

I'm so excited.

"Dimmsdale was founded in --"

I'm bored!

I need some other way to do my report.

- Well, you could go back in time and watch history happen.

- If only you had access to some kind of magic--

- Hello!

- Oh, right. Wanda's a fairy.

- I wish that I could go back in time

To the founding of dimmsdale.

Awesome!

This is a long time ago.

Wow. Old dimmsdale sure is cool.

- I'll say.

The stench of rotting garbage,

The lack of indoor plumbing... [Zippers zipping]

And a complete lack of any medicine or hygiene--

It's awesome.

- Timmy, there's your great-great-grandfather

Ebenezer turner.

- Cool.

- Welcome, people of dimmsdale.

We are gathered here to give each citizen

Of the town a job.

Ebenezer turner, you have the choice

Between railroad tycoon or town crier.

- Well, everyone knows there's no future in railroads.

They're just a fad.

Plus, I'm dressed as a man-woman.

So town crier it is.

- Then, orville buxaplenty,

I declare you the railroad tycoon.

- Sucker.

[Whistle blows]

- [Weeps] - wow, timmy,

Your great-great-grandfather is really good at his job.

- [Weeps]

- Pull it together, man!

Woman! - I've seen enough.

Poof us home.

I can't believe my great-great-grandfather

Picked town crier.

If he had picked railroad tycoon,

My family could have been rich.

Who knew I came from such a long line of dummies?

- The fire ants crawled from my powdered wig

Into my frilly woman shirt.

- I wish I could change the past.

- Oh, timmy, changing the past is dangerous.

You never know what it could do to the present.

- It can't make the present any worse.

- I've got fire ants in my form-fitting woman pants.

[Shouting]

- I wish my great-great-grandfather

Ebenezer turner had chosen to be

A railroad tycoon.

Huh. That's weird.

Nothing changed.

Oh, my gosh.

Everything changed.

We're rich!

Check out the giant pool.

Is that a cruise ship? [Horn blasts]

- Hello, master timmy.

I'm merman, your butler.

I wait on you hand and foot.

- Cool. Ah--ah--

- Allow me.

Ah-choo.

Just let me know when you have to go to the bathroom.

I need a little prep time for that.

- Whee! Whee!

Whee! [Whistle blows]

Hey. Hi, timmy.

Have some money.

Why are you standing?

We're rich.

Your feet shouldn't have to touch the ground.

Merman!

- Very good, sir.

- Okay, everyone, reset your watches.

This part of the house is in a different time zone.

[Horn blasts]

- Wow, our house is so big, it took us three train transfers

To get to the front door.

Whoa.

What happened to dimmsdale?

- The turners happened.

- Mr. Crocker?

What are you doing in a trash can?

- I live here.

Put your girdle on, mother.

We need the extra room.

- You live in a trash can with your mom?

Well, that stinks.

Literally.

- [Chuckles] what a clever pun.

While you were thinking up that gem,

I was starving.

- How is that the turners' fault?

- Dimmsdale has been ruined by centuries

Of turner greed.

And your dad has been the worst turner of all.

- Honey, I want to take the train to our yacht,

But that stupid building's in the way.

- Isn't that dimmsdale hospital?

- Not anymore. [Whistle blows]

- Your dad is the most evil man in the city.

One day I'm gonna lead a revolution

That will overthrow the turner tyranny.

- Denzel, I need your help lacing up my girdle.

- Suck it in, mother. I'm coming.

- I can't believe my family turned out to be so greedy.

It's no fun being rich if everyone else is miserable.

Cosmo, wanda, I wish I could go back to my old life.

Jorgen, what are you doing here?

- Missing my spray-on tan appointment, thanks to you.

- Where are cosmo, wanda, and poof?

- Hey, your life is so good now, you do not need fairies.

I only let you keep the dog

Because he's a pain in the butt.

- Speaking of butts, I hope you like sniffing 'em

'Cause the revolution's coming, man.

- I can't live without my fairies.

To get cosmo and wanda back,

I'll have to make my life miserable.

[Car horn beeps]

- Timmy, this is a present from your father.

He says, "happy tuesday."

- Cool! What was I talking about again?

- Yay!

- Good luck with that miserable life thing!

- Okay, I need to focus.

I'll stop eating, and that'll make my life stink.

Then cosmo and wanda will have to come back.

[Train horn blasts]

- Have some candy.

It's wrapped in money.

Both: yay!

- What was I saying again?

Okay, new plan.

I'll just give away all of my cool stuff.

Come and get your free, cool stuff!

All: yay! Cool stuff!

- It worked. I've got nothing.

- Timmy, since you got rid of all your cool stuff,

I got you even cooler stuff.

Happy : in the afternoon!

- It's impossible to be miserable when you're rich.

I wonder what I get at :.

- Hold on. I'm in the can.

What do you want, turner?

Are you here to insult me with another clever pun?

- Mr. Crocker, I want to help you start a revolution

Against my dad.

- I don't know, turner.

Why should I trust you?

- If we defeat my dad,

You won't have to live in a can anymore.

- Actually, the can's not so bad.

Just had the kitchen redone.

- But you won't have to live with your mom.

- Let the revolution begin.

[All shouting]

Thanks for loaning us the torches and pitchforks, sparky.

- No problem, but I'll need them back for a thing I got later.

- To the turner power plant.

Time to derail timmy's evil dad.

I've spent years studying how to destroy this power plant.

Finally, my life's work is going to pay off.

- Or we could just hit the off button.

All: yay!

- That was it?

I could have gotten married and had a family.

Then again I would have had to find a woman who wanted

To live in a trash can. Gah!

That's always been a bit of a hurdle.

[Train horn blasts]

- Oh, no.

My trains have stopped.

I've been riding in them so long,

I've forgotten how to walk.

Merman, stop going to the bathroom

For timmy and carry me to my yacht.

[Zipper zipping] - sir. Sorry, sir.

- Yay!, My life's gonna stink again!

- You did it, turner.

And I know exactly how to thank you.

- I would have preferred a muffin basket.

- I thought about that,

But I went with annihilating you instead.

- Why? - I'm in charge now!

Power's gone to my head. See that train?

I'm gonna hop on it and run you over!

[Laughs maniacally]

- Oh, no, I'm doomed.

This is the most miserable I've ever been!

- Hi, we're cosmo and wanda,

And this is our baby poof.

We're your new fairies.

I'm sure you have a lot of questions.

- No, I'm good. Just get me out of here!

- Okay, but first we need to go

Through this thousand-page fairy rule book.

"Chapter one: what is a fairy?"

- [Laughs maniacally]

- Can we move this thing along?

- Okay, if you could just sign this fairy contract

Here, here, and here.

- My hands are tied!

- Oh, right, sorry.

[Writing]

- [Spits]

Guys, I wish my life was back

To the way it was before I made my wish.

- What wish? - Just do it!

[Train horn blares]

[Screams]

Oh, yay!

It's good to be home.

I don't need my dad to be a railroad tycoon.

My life is perfect just the way it is.

- Help, timmy! My flab blaster backfired on me!

[Shouts]

- Okay, perfect may not be the best word.

- Hey, timmy, you didn't hear it from me,

But you might want to leave town for a couple of days.

- That's a shame, sparky.

I thought we'd go get some pizza.

My treat. - Oh, pizza.

This is alpha dog to red leader.

Abort mutt rising. Abort! Abort!

[Dogs barking]

- It's a little late.