09x26 - Man's Worst Friend

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Honey! Timmy!

It's time for the lottery drawing.

I have a feeling the turners are about to hit it big.

- Aw, dad, you always say that, and we never win.

What makes you think this time is gonna be any different?

- Well, for one thing, this time I actually bought a ticket.

- Hurrah! We're gonna be rich.

Now that we'll be getting new money,

I won't need any of this old, used money.

[Fire booms]

This is chet ubetcha with this week's

Winning lottery numbers.

They are two, three, four, five, six,

And .

- Oh, my gosh.

I won! We're rich!

I can finally tell that monster dinkleberg

What I really think of him.

- You do that anyway, dad.

- Yes, but now I can do it from fiji.

- This is wonderful!

We can buy a house with a swimming pool

And a tennis court.

And then I can pay someone to teach me

How to swim and play tennis!

- And I can get a hat in a masculine color.

- Hold on, mr. Big spender.

It's not like I won the lottery.

Oh, wait! I did!

All: yay!

- This is chet ubetcha with breaking news.

This week's lottery has been canceled.

So those winning numbers don't count.

- [Sobbing] oh, no.

I lost everything I thought I had ten seconds ago.

- [Sobbing] now I'll never learn to swim.

Which is a problem, because I'm about to drown

In my own tears.

- Cheer up, guys. Things are gonna be okay.

You know what always makes me feel better when I'm down?

Spending time with sparky.

- That's ridiculous.

Sparky's only a dog.

How is he gonna cheer us up?

[Triumphant fanfare]

Yay! Sparky made us rich!

[Both cheer]

- Where'd you get all this money?

- Let's go with I just found it.

Both: yay!

- You were right, timmy.

Sparky does make me feel better.

Oh, I could pet him all day.

- You're petting the money, dad.

- Even better! Money doesn't shed.

- Thanks, sparky.

You made everyone happy.

You're the best dog ever.

- Joy? Happiness? Frivolity?

Disgusting!

Seeing timmy turner and his family so happy

Makes me want to toss my cookies!

Great. Now I broke my cookies.

It's that dog.

He's the source of all their joy.

Wait a minute.

If the turners derive happiness from a good pet,

Then they should derive misery from an evil one.

Time to go pet shopping.

[Laughs evilly]

And while I'm out, I might as well get some new cookies.

[Evil musical flourish]

Ah, the anti-fairy world pet store.

The perfect place to buy a evil pet for the turners.

- Can I help you?

- Ooh, you're the grim reaper!

I'm your biggest fan.

I loved your work during the black plague.

Sorry, I'm gushing.

Why are you working at a pet store?

- Death doesn't pay the bills,

And I've got student loans.

What can I help you with?

- Yes, well, I'm looking for a pet

To bring misery to an earth family.

- How about this snake-upine?

- Oh, he's cute!

Can I pet him?

- I wouldn't do that.

His quills are laced with a deadly poison.

- [Screams, grunts]

[Gasping] am I dead?

It's difficult to tell because I'm already blue.

And after all, you're here.

- Relax, I don't have you scheduled for a while.

Oh, this is fun.

You're gonna perish on the toilet.

- Sweet home alabama!

I'm never going potty again!

Anyway, what other pets do you have?

- Well, there's bernie.

- Ooh, he's colorful!

Why do you call him bernie?

Got it.

- How 'bout something

A little bit more traditional,

Like an anti-dog?

- [Growling] - you know, man's worst friend?

- Wait a minute! This must be the anti-sparky.

What do you call him?

- We call him anti-sparky.

- Not very creative,

But as long as his name's not bernie, I'm good.

So what does he eat?

- The question is, who does he eat?

- I'd like to have you for dinner.

- Oh, how very kind!

I'm wide open on saturday.

Should we make it a potluck?

- [Snarling]

- Oh, have mefor dinner.

He's horrifying.

And by that, I mean I'll take him.

I'll switch this monster for the turners' dog

And bring misery to their lives forever.

- That'll be $.

- Uh, that's about $ more than I was prepared to pay.

- No, I give you the money to take this beast off my hands.

- Well, that's not alarming at all.

Oh, one last thing before I go.

Do you have a rest room I could use?

- Yeah, you know--

No, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

- Right. The potty thing.

It's gonna be an uncomfortable trip home.

- Shouldn't you be doing your homework, timmy?

- I already did it.

Actually, sparky did it for me.

- "The french poodle revolution."

"In , marie antoinette said to the people of france,

'Let them eat kibble.'"

Timmy, I'm not sure this is right.

- Whatever.

The point is,

Sparky did my homework

So I don't have to.

He really is the best dog ever.

- Oh, timmy!

That sparky really is the best dog ever.

He brought me the paper

And this fancy diamond grill for my teeth.

Eee! Word to your mother!

Eh, by the way, where is your mother?

- Hey, everyone!

Sparky taught me to swim!

He also showed me how to jimmy the lock

On mr. Dinkleberg's pool gate.

- Well, I'm out of here.

I'm gonna go swim with your mother

And her new friend jimmy the lock.

- Boy, timmy.

Your parents sure are happy

Thanks to sparky.

- Yeah. What would we do without him?

- You're about to find out, timmy turner.

- [Rough voice] now that we're working together,

There are a couple of ground rules

You need to follow, poop.

- It's foop. - Never correct me!

- [Shrieks]

- That's the first ground rule.

The others are: never look me in the eye

And never raise your voice at me.

Understood?

- Yes. - What?

- I said, "yes!"

- You raised your voice!

- [Shrieks]

- By the way, do I have something in my eye?

- I don't see anything.

- You looked me in the eye!

[Chomps]

- If I look away and whisper,

Can I tell you about my diabolical plan

To get rid of sparky?

- I assume you're gonna destroy him,

Perhaps by luring him into a vat of acid.

- Actually, I was just going to throw a tennis ball really far

So it'll take him weeks to fetch it.

- [Fakes cough] loser.

- I'm gonna need you to throw it.

I injured my wrist at water pilates.

Hello, you moronic mutt.

Meet your anti-self!

- Hey, I know you.

You're poop.

And if you're really the anti-me,

Then you're both probably up to no good.

Well, the jig is up,

'Cause I'm gonna warn timmy before--

Ball!

- Go fetch.

- [Laughs]

- Okay, anti-sparky,

It's time for you to take sparky's place

And make the turners miserable.

- You got it, poop. - It's foop.

- [Growls] - [shrieks]

Ah! Sorry I corrected you again.

Don't hurt me!

[Upbeat musical flourish]

[Upbeat, animated music]

♪

- Hey, can you grab that ball?

Oh, sorry. You're stuck in a box.

I'll get it.

[Evil musical flourish]

- Hey, sparky!

Ooh, I think you stayed in the pool too long.

You've turned blue, and your eyes are red.

Also, you smell like a graveyard.

Anyway, check out the new diamond grill I got

To go with my diamond grill.

Eee!

I've always wanted one of these

Ever since I saw one at the store

Minutes ago!

My new grill!

[Sobbing]

I'm so sad I don't even want to ask

How you can sh**t lasers from your tail.

[Crying]

[Evil musical flourish]

- Hey, sparky.

I'm practicing the dive you taught me.

[Yelps]

That was mean.

You've broken my heart.

And my body.

- [Slurps] ahh.

This is the life.

It's great having a dog that does my homework for me.

Hey, sparky. How are things going?

- Exactly as planned.

[Laughs evilly]

- That's great, buddy. Uh, wait.

What does that mean, and what happened to your voice?

- Um...i have a cold... Flu allergies.

By the way, I signed you up for an extra-credit project.

You'll be cleaning up trash on the side of the highway

After school and every saturday

For the next ten years.

- [Yelping] what?

- Don't worry. You won't be alone.

- Come on, turner! Grab a pointy stick.

We've got to clean up an overturned fish truck

On the sunny side of the highway.

- Mr. Crocker, this is a mistake.

I didn't sign up for this.

- Yeah, well, I didn't sign up to be

A bitter middle-aged man who has ears on his neck.

Do you know how weird it is to hear yourself swallow?

- [Laughs evilly]

- This has been the worst day ever,

All because of sparky!

- Yeah.

Not only did he blast my new grill,

Break your mother, and force you

To pick up fish with mr. Crocker,

He also buried the couch.

Also, jimmy the lock is mysteriously missing.

[All crying]

- Outstanding work, anti-sparky.

You truly are man's worst friend.

Oh, my.

It's like petting your own coffin.

[Evil music]

[Turners crying]

- Ooh! What am I doing here?

- Foop, we summoned you

To the anti-fairy council because--

- I didn't do it!

The guy who tp'd your house

Was another square blue baby with a moustache.

- Silence.

We brought you here to commend you

For wreaking havoc on the turners' lives.

- Using an evil pet to bring misery to humans

Was a stroke of genius.

- Yes, that's what I am, a genius--

Not the guy who spent six hours toilet papering a house

When in fact he has a magic bottle

That could have done it instantly.

- Foop, since your plan worked so well on a small scale,

We want you take it up a notch.

- You mean tp your entire neighborhood?

Yes!

Oh, you mean my other plan.

- Foop, we want you to replace

All the beloved pets in dimmsdale with evil creatures

From the anti-fairy world pet store.

- Oh, me likey!

Once I make the switch,

Dimmsdale will be plunged into eternal misery!

- Don't raise your voice!

- [Shrieks]

I have to go to the potty, but I can't!

- Well, this stinks.

I'm booked to take seven souls before noon tomorrow.

There go my brunch plans.

I better call mom.

Hello, mom, it's the grim reaper.

- [Crying] - stop crying.

That's not why I'm calling.

- Hello, mr. Reaper. I'm back.

- Let me guess, you want to return the dog.

Everyone does.

Well, the ones who survive, anyway.

- No, no.

The dog is working out swimmingly.

As a matter of fact,

I need more evil pets.

How much for everything in the store?

- I'll give you $,.

- What? - All right, ,!

Just get 'em out of here.

That sharkvark freaks me out.

- [Snarling]

- Deal. - I'll take that.

- Oh, come on.

Can't we go halvsies?

[Shrieks] that's not what I meant!

Now to bring misery

To the happy pet owners of dimmsdale.

- Ah, a -year-old man having tea

With his hairless cat on a friday night.

Does it get any better than this?

- [Meows] - you're right, girlfriend.

I'm . You just make me feel young!

Ding!

Ooh! Our scones are done!

- [Hisses]

- Gah!

Girlfriend's been replaced by a monster!

This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me

Besides being born -- I mean years ago.

- [Hisses]

- Gah!

Not only is my beloved pet gone,

But I can't reach the scones from here!

- Chompy, using city funds for a hawaiian cruise

Instead of new traffic lights was a great idea.

[Horns honking]

Whoops. Almost forgot my sunblock.

You're not chompy!

I can't share a honeymoon cabin with a parrot.

People will think I'm weird.

- [Squawks]

- Sunblock's not gonna help this.

- This is chet ubetcha reporting with my adorable pet monkey

And cheap ratings grabber m.c. Bananas.

In breaking news, all over dimmsdale,

People's beloved pets are being replaced

By hideous evil creatures.

People have reported being att*cked by everything

From a pit bull frog to an octocat to a grizzly hare.

- [Roars] - [screams]

- This just in... - [Growling]

- My monkey has been replaced by a sharkvark!

[Screaming]

Cut to traffic! Cut to traffic!

- Hey!

I've been waiting all day

For the traffic report.

- Cosmo, something terrible is happening!

- You're telling me.

Now I'll never know how long it'll take me

To drive to the airport.

- You don't need to drive.

You can just poof yourself there.

Besides, why do you want to go to the airport anyway?

- 'Cause they make you take your shoes off,

And these high heels are k*lling me.

- Wanda, this is all starting to make sense.

- What, going to the airport to take off your shoes?

'Cause that'll never make sense.

- You know what doesn't make sense?

Watching tv in the closet.

- Shh!

Cosmo, we don't want sparky

To know we're in here.

That mutt's gone mad.

- Guys, listen.

If evil creatures are replacing all the pets in dimmsdale,

That explains why sparky's been acting like a monster.

Because he is one.

[Engine revving]

[Evil music]

♪

- Sparky's no monster.

He's just doing a little house bowling.

Go for the spare, sparky!

- That's not sparky!

It's an evil imposter dog.

We have to find out who's switching all the pets

In dimmsdale right away.

- Relax. We got plenty of time.

[All scream]

On second thought, we should go now.

- I just thought of something else.

If that's an imposter, then where's my dog?

[Spanish music]

♪

- Ole, señor.

Have you seen a runaway ball?

I said runaway ball, not runaway bulls!

[Screaming]

- [Bellows]

- Listen up, evil dog.

We're onto you!

I don't know exactly who you are or what you're up to

Or what you've done to my dog, but--

- No offense, timmy,

But it doesn't sound like we're onto him at all.

- It doesn't matter, 'cause you and wanda

Are gonna use your magic to blast him

Back to wherever he came from.

- You'll do no such thing!

[Both yell]

- [Chomps] - foop!

I should've realized you were behind this.

- That's right!

I switched all the good pets with evil ones.

Now everyone in dimmsdale is miserable

While their beloved pets are locked away forever

At a secret location

In the anti-fairy world pet store.

Whoops. Gave away the secret.

- You'll never get away with this,

'Cause we're gonna stop you!

- In your dreams.

Sic him, anti-sparky!

- I told you, never raise your voice!

- You know what, mister?

I've had just about enough of your empty threats--

Oh, look. There's a family in here.

- We're the johnsons. - I'm late for school.

- Well, that takes care of foop.

- And now to take care of you.

[Growls]

- [Screams]

- Girlfriend!

Girlfriend, I've got a can of tuna.

Albacore!

- Uh, mr. Crocker, your cat's not in dimmsdale.

- I wasn't looking for my cat.

I was looking for a girlfriend.

I thought the can of tuna might do the trick.

But now that you mention it, I really miss my cat.

- She's in anti-fairy world

With all the other pets in dimmsdale,

Including my dog sparky.

- Anti-fairy world, huh?

Well, I may have a way to get us there.

To the crocker cave!

- Hey, handsome.

I'm rich and single.

Is that a can of tuna you're holding?

- Not now, toots.

I've got a bald cat to save.

I built this thing to take me to fairy world,

But I think I can use it to take us

To anti-fairy world instead.

I just have to perform a highly technical adjustment.

Hand me that sonic calibrator.

Let's go get those pets! - Wait!

Before we do that, we've got to get all the evil pets

And return them to anti-fairy world.

But we'll need some bait.

- Swedish meatballs should work.

[All clamoring]

[All chomping]

I knew it!

Only something truly evil

Would eat non-italian meatballs.

- I wonder why sparky's evil imposter

Didn't want the meatballs.

Then again, he's probably full from the johnsons.

Anyway, let's do this.

[Exciting music]

♪

[Evil musical flourish]

- I got to say, these animals are way nicer

Than that last group.

Not one of them has spit acid at me

Or tried to eat any of my swedish meatballs.

[All growling]

- [Screams]

You scared me to death.

Which is me.

- Girlfriend, I've missed you so!

- [Meows] - oh, how cute.

You coughed up a little skin ball.

Come on, turner.

Let's get all these pets home.

- Wait, sparky's not here.

- Oh, don't worry, timmy.

He's probably back on earth.

We'll find him.

- Your talking balloon is right, turner.

If we hurry, girlfriend and I can get to the diner

For the early bird special.

She loves the scampi,

And I love eating dinner before :

Because I'm years old.

- This is chet ubetcha with breaking news.

All of dimmsdale's beloved pets have magically returned.

- [Baas]

- In related news,

I've got a monkey on my back,

And his name is m.c. Bananas.

You're my favorite prime-time primate.

This just in:

All the missing pets were seen fleeing

From school teacher denzel crocker's house.

As a result, he's been arrested for pet-napping.

- You're making a mistake! I didn't kidnap the pets.

I rescued them from a magical place

Across the universe.

Ask girlfriend, my bald cat.

Wow, that sounds crazy!

- Sport, I can't believe I'm saying this,

But we should probably help mr. Crocker.

- Can we wait till I graduate high school?

No, you're right.

But first we got to find the real sparky

And get rid of the fake one.

- You'll never get rid of me.

- Guys, do something! - We can't!

He swallowed our wands along with foop

And that kid who's late for school.

- Time for you to feel the burn...

Without the cardiovascular benefits!

[Triumphant fanfare]

[Coughing, spitting]

- Great sh*t, cosmo! - What?

I was just trying to kick off these high heels.

- Thanks for getting us out of the dog.

Johnson family cheer!

One, two, three...

All: johnsons rule!

- Cosmo, wanda, grab your wands and poof this poser away!

- Sorry, timmy, but it's unsanitary.

- Just do it!

- You're going back

To the anti-fairy world pet store!

Seriously, this wand is totally gross.

- Do you really think you can lure me

Into that vortex to anti-fairy world?

What kind of a moron do you think i--

[Toy squeaks]

Squeaky toy!

Noo!

- Well, that takes care of him.

- We've got to go disinfect our wands, timmy.

We'll be right back.

- Timmy turner, you foiled my plan.

And for that, you're going to pay!

- [Screams]

- Huh, this tennis ball looks familiar.

Kind of like the one I threw at--

- Ball!

- [Shrieks]

- You made me chase this ball all over europe.

And while I had a lovely time filled with treasured memories,

You're gonna pay!

- We'll take it from here.

Foop needs to be punished

For failing to execute our evil plan.

- Something tells me this trip won't be filled

With treasured memories.

- Sparky!

I thought I'd never see you again.

- I wouldn't let that happen, timmy.

As the french say,

[French accent] "get out of my restaurant,

You stupid dog."

- Oh, no!

It's the dog that made us miserable.

- No, dad, that dog was a fake.

This is the real sparky.

- I won an all-you-can-eat pasta contest in italy.

I mean...bark.

- Yay! We're rich again!

Which means I can be happy.

- And I can have an equally shallow reason to be happy.

Both: yay!

- Good news, timmy!

We disinfected our wands

And got rid of all the yucky dog drool.

- Guys, I'm so glad to see you!

- [Groans] we'll be right back, sport.

- Well, it's great to have everything back to normal.

Although I do feel like I'm forgetting something.

- I'm free!

Start the car, girlfriend!

[Engine turning over]

[Tires squeal]

Oh, great. Now we're both hairless.

All: johnsons rule!