10x19 - Certifiable Super Sitter

[bunniefuu]

[jazzy music]

- ♪ Timmy's still an average kid ♪

♪ That no one understands

♪ Chloe's his new neighbor

♪ And she's ruining all his plans ♪

- Ahh!

- ♪ All the wishes

♪ In the world

♪ So why should he care?

♪ Jorgen has reported there's a fairy shortage ♪

♪ So Timmy has to share

♪ His OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

- More than one? - This should be fun!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Feather suit, nature boots, laser sh**ting, rescue ♪

- World peace, kale treats,

bunny feet, real neat!

- What? No! Leave me alone!

My fairies! Get your own!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Timmy, beware, you'll have to share ♪

♪ Your fairly OddParents

- Yeah, right!

[majestic music]

♪

- Ooh, Wanda, this is so exciting!

Our baby's coming home from Spellementary School

for spring break!

[tinkling]

[party horn blows]

- I've missed Poof so much.

- Who's Poof? - Our son!

- Of course, baby Prune.

The apple of my eye, the light of my life,

the wind beneath my wigs.

I have to keep a fan under my wigs while he's gone.

Poof, you're home, and you grew a body!

- 'Cause I'm Timmy!

- Poof, you're home, and you're a girl!

- 'Cause I'm Chloe!

- Cosmo, this is Poof!

- Poof, you're home!

And you've been framed!

Wanda, we gotta get a baby lawyer.

- Ooh, Poof! I'm so excited

to finally meet him.

I love babies.

I like to smell their heads.

And from the looks of Poof,

He's all head!

- Poof is awesome.

He's still learning how to be a fairy,

so he'll let you wish up totally inappropriate

but super cool stuff!

Like Punchy the Boxing Kangaroo.

- Shrimp on the barbie!

- Poof, you're home!

And you have a stomach pocket.

[grunts] [crashing]

Ooh, you got a good right hand.

You got that from your mother.

[horn honks] - It's the Spellementary

school bus!

[horn honks]

♪

all: Poof's here!

- Poof, you're home, and your torso's a string!

[balloon pops] Aah! I popped my baby!

I'm going to jail! Get the baby lawyer!

[engine rumbles]

- You've grown so much, Poof.

Wait till you hear him talk, Timmy.

His voice is starting to change.

- That's right, Mama.

Thank ya, thank ya very much.

Well, golly!

It's good to be home.

Is this Chloe? Nice to meet ya.

Shazam!

- Um, Poof, it is a privilege

to make your acquaintance.

Would it be all right if I could possibly...

smell your head?

- Knock yourself out, lady.

- [sniffs, exhales]

It smells like bunnies and springtime.

Just like I thought it would! [sighs]

[thud]

- I brought some friends home.

Well, one friend and one harbinger of doom.

It's gonna be huge.

[poof]

[evil music]

- [exhales] - More baby heads to smell!

- Hello and howdy, I'm Sammy Sweetsparkle.

I can take anything sour and make it sweet.

- Except me, of course.

FYI, blondie, smell my head and perish!

- Shrimp on the barbie!

[crashing, grunt]

- Good job, Punchy.

And, Poof, just a suggestion,

maybe next time don't bring home

a harbinger of doom.

- [struggling] Well, I would have gone home,

but Mommy and Daddy moved without leaving

a forwarding address.

Again.

Oh, melancholy sigh.

Feelings of revenge!

- I have a fun idea. I say we put Foop

in some nice safety restraints

and all go for ice cream.

- Yay! I love ice cream.

Let's get enough to share with all the children

of the world.

[grunts]

- [laughs] Nice work, Punchy.

Now let's get spring break busy with madcap fun

and debauchery.

We'll poof up some boat show girls,

a lake of fire, and let the dogs loose.

- You will be doing no such thing with the dogs!

Here's how spring break's gonna go down:

It's gonna be chock full of wholesome,

age-appropriate fun for everyone!

- Wow. You are k*lling me, lady!

If you'll excuse me, I need a little

one-on-one time with Skullberry to plot your demise--

uh, I mean, cuddle.

Let's put our skull and head together

and come up with a diabolical plan.

Before this day is done,

there will be fire and dogs!

Oh, and boat show girls!

- It's awesome to have you home, Poof.

Marco! - Polo!

- [laughs]

- I'm churning butter!

It's both wholesome and age appropriate.

[evil music]

- Yes, if this were the dark ages, Sweetsparkle.

Oh, these Goody-Two-Shoes are k*lling me, Skullberry!

Oh, but not for long. [dialing phone]

[phone rings]

- Hello? - Allo, is this a stupid fairy?

- Speaking. - I am a French person

who is not luring you to certain doom.

Please enjoy a free dinner at a fancy French restaurant

that just opened up in a black hole--

I mean, the yard next door!

[villainous music]

- Wanda! We won a fancy, free French dinner.

And I'm buying. - Ooh la la!

I'd love to go, but we don't have a babysitter for Poof,

his friend, and the harbinger of doom.

- I'm on it! I know how to handle babies.

- Uh...

[drumroll]

- Certified Super Sitter,

Chloe President Jimmy Carter Mother Goose Carmichael,

at your service!

Super Sitter Certification normally takes years,

but I completed the course while in the air

between the diving board and the trampoline.

- Chloe, you're hired!

Let's go, Cosmo.

- Shiny object. Must follow!

[accordion music]

- This isn't a fancy French restaurant.

It's a black hole!

- Well, it did get a B rating.

Also, it's called Chez Black Hole.

And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it was Foop

that offered us the free dinner.

And he did use the phrase "certain doom."

Speaking of doom, have you looked at these prices?

- I'm a little more concerned about the fact

that we're being sucked into oblivion!

- Oh! Then I better get my order in.

I'll have the French onion soup! [both scream]

- [laughs] Now that Cosmo and Wanda

have been flushed down the proverbial toilet

of time and space-- uh, I mean,

flushed with excitement, because, um, you know,

they're enjoying their free cuisines, and all that.

Anyway, if they never come back it's not on me.

So now let's have some real fun.

- Your Certified Super Sitter is already on it!

I checked the Super Sitter Syllabus

and found a list of pre-approved

and politically correct fun activities.

Funtivities, if you will.

- I won't! And you can't make me.

- Don't worry, Foop. I'll use my sparkle stick

to turn that frown upside down.

- [grunts] The smile. It burns!

[smacking, grunting]

- Time for funtivities!

- Ooh, funtivities!

- Chloe, I hear you're babysitting.

Would you mind watching Timmy's dad?

I can't take him grocery shopping anymore.

He wiggles in the cart and grabs candy off the shelves.

- Candy is good! Gimme gimme gimme! Gimme!

- [sighs] He looks like a handful,

but a Certified Super Sitter always says yes.

Still, could you leave me an emergency contact numb--

- [laughs]

Yahoo! I'm free!

- I guess not.

- Dad, what's with the helmet?

- I don't really need it. It's just a fashion choice.

[crashing] Ah!

- Okay, let's get started.

Ooh! You know what a really great funtivity is?

- Grabbing candy? Wiggling in the cart?

- Anything that's not in the syllabus?

- Something spring break-y?

Like putting piranha in the pool?

- [chomping] - Owie!

That fishy gave me a kiss that hurt!

- Or we could tell pre-approved Super Sitter sanctioned jokes!

- Are they at least mean jokes so we can laugh

at other people's expense? - Knock, knock.

- Who's there? - Hatch.

- Hatch-who? - Gesundheit!

[all laugh]

- I don't get it! Why are you maniacs laughing?

She asked me a random question and then

yelled at me in German! - Foop, it looks like

you're experiencing some PPB.

- I'm good. I'm wearing a diaper.

- PPB stands for Problematic Personal Behavior.

We need to make some different choices, don't we?

- I get your drift. So piranhas were NG.

How 'bout if I give everyone boils?

Ooh! Or I could make it rain shards of glass!

Thoughts? Input? I'm open to collaboration.

- No matter how angry you are, I'm never gonna give up on you.

Because I believe, deep inside, you're good.

- [laughs] Now--now that is a joke!

Much better than that yelling German thing.

- Ooh! Candy!

[munching]

That's a pinecone! Which is not

a Super Sitter approved snack!

- [munching, spits]

- [screams] - Shrimp on the barbie!

- [grunting]

This is a ghastly spring break.

I'm spring broken!

[light music]

[villainous music]

- Poof! Poof up something totally inappropriate

but super cool.

Dealer's choice.

Yes! A Mr. Crocker punching bag.

- Shrimp on the barbie!

- Gah! I'm not--gah! A punching bag!

Ooh! I'm the real Mr-- gah! Crocker!

- Even better.

This is so awesome

and inappropriate.

- Timmy, you know that is not

a Certified Super Sitter approved funtivity!

- You're not a certified funtivity!

[shimmering tones]

- Someone put me in a shopping cart.

I wanna wiggle! - It's time for

funtivity number two.

Let's sing an inspirational song

about a resilient little arachnid.

Sing it with me.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout ♪

♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out ♪

- Resilient? That spider's a loser!

I'll give you a resilient spider!

[cackles]

[roars]

[all scream]

- That's not itsy bitsy!

It is compared to the one I have in my dungeon at home.

[roars]

- You can act out as much you want, Foop,

but I know it's just a shield to cover up

how sweet and sensitive you really are.

- Why are you making with the nice?

What's your angle, blondie?

- I don't have an angle.

I just think you need a hug.

What I need is a death ray! Ooh!

- Mmm. [sniffs, exhales]

- I didn't hate that as much as I thought I would.

I'm putting a pin in the death ray.

Wh-what's happening?

My face is leaking!

[doorbell rings] - Ooh!

The ding-dong sound means someone's on the phone!

- You need a better helmet!

[thunder booms] - What's this?

Thunder and lightning on a sunny day?

Songbirds falling from the sky?

- Followed by a blood curdling scream?

- There was no scream.

- Wait for it.

[blood curdling scream]

- This could only mean one thing.

It's the most evil babysitter

who ever walked the face of the Earth!

[chainsaw buzzing]

[together] Vicky!

[all scream]

[cackles]

- Does anyone have a spare diaper?

It's for Skullberry.

[chainsaw buzzing]

[all screaming]

- Timmy, why are we screaming?

- Trust me. Just keep screaming!

[screaming]

- I got a twerp alert on my skull phone.

Someone's babysitting on my turf!

- Ooh! I have a skull phone six!

What do you think of it? Do you find

the new upgrade a little wonky?

- Shut it! - D-do you mean

the phone or my mouth?

I'm panicking! I'll shut both!

- There's only room for one babysitter in this town.

- Oh, you might feel a little less enraged

when you hear that I'm actually an official

Certified Super Sitter.

- Certify this!

[all screaming]

- [screams]

- I'm in charge now!

- Timmy, is it time to scream again?

- Yes. [all scream]

- Poof! Poof her away!

- Say hello to my little friend!

[fighting grunts]

Oh, no.

- Hello, little friend.

And cough up the bottle, you little blue brat.

[yelps]

No soothing objects on my watch.

[cackles]

- Gah, no soothing objects?

Guess I'll have to give you

my Dinosaur Bob safety helmet.

Ah! [thud]

- Keep it. Looks like you need it

more than I do.

- That's it. I'm calling for backup.

Cosmo! Wanda! - [nervous laughter]

I don't think they'll be able to hear you.

I mean the restaurant's probably packed

with loud, French mimes.

[French music]

- So this is what a black hole's like.

It's a little bit of a let down.

- I agree! The service is terrible.

I ordered French onion soup like a light year ago!

- Gah! What's going on? Why?

- Let's go with my back up plan: Run!

[all scream]

- Nice try, twerps. Too bad for you,

I've brought my patented

Tricky Vicky portable trap door!

[cackles]

[both scream]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[crashing]

- Whoa, since when does our house have a dungeon?

- Since now! I did a little psychological profiling

on you two, and I know what

makes you cuckoocrazy.

Twerpette, it's time to pay for getting all up in my

babysitting bidness.

And twerp, you're gonna pay...

just because I hate you!

[button beeps]

- Oh, no! The entire floor's a treadmill!

[sobbing] She's making me exercise!

- If you want the treadmill to stop, twerp--

[button beeps]

Just eat the Brussels sprouts off the mechanical fork.

- Oh, no! Vegetables and exercise!

She's pure evil! [munches]

[dramatic music]

- Now, Certified Stupid Sitter,

let's see how you deal with this!

[button beeps]

[splatting]

- No! She's-- she's littering!

She's a monster!

- The faster you pick up the trash,

the faster it'll fall.

- [with mouth full] We're gonna drown in litter!

[grunts] Just stop picking it up!

- You know I can't!

- And for the cherry on top of your misery sundae,

watch this! [button beeps]

- And now, volume one through

of Mr. Crocker's Dream Journal. Yay!

[clears throat] "I was dancing in a field

"with a beautiful young woman, when Mother pulled up

"in her rusty, mid-size sedan with an angry scowl

and a case of foot cream."

Geeh! Well, I guess this is really

more of a nightmare.

both: No!

[humming] [timer dings]

[sniffs]

- Don't these delicious, fresh-baked cookies smell yummy?

- I can add sweet, sweet sprinkles

with my sparkle stick.

- That's weird, but okay. - [laughs]

- See, baby twerps? I'm not so bad after all.

- Wait for it.

- [laughs]

Or am I?

Now sit there and drool while I eat

all the cookies in front of you!

[munching]

[gags] Not so good.

- Ah! She's mean! I'm gonna tell Mommy!

I mean my wife!

Oh! Ooh! She's got me on a short leash!

- I wanna relax and watch

"The Very Real House Wives of Dimmsdale."

[crashing]

Get in here, furniture!

You, be a couch!

You, be a decorative end table.

Weird round twerp, you're a throw pillow!

Accent on the throw!

[squeals]

- Blockhead. Footrest. Front and center.

- Curse my square body!

[playful music]

[all panting]

- Pick up the pace on the Treadmill of Pain,

baby twerps and weird dude with the helmet.

I wanna look hot for my date tonight.

[munches] - What kind of mad man

would comingle with that teenage Gorgon?

- What was that? - You're pretty!

Don't hurt me! - Everyone else:

Tell me I'm pretty!

- I would, but my mommy told me never to lie.

- For that I'm spitting in your sippy cup.

- Oh mercy.

- I thought I'd never say this,

but I miss funtivities!

- Well, golly. I'm with ya, Sarge.

[splatting]

[yelps]

[sighs] [splatting]

- You're not picking up the litter anymore.

What happened? Did the crazy stop?

- I failed, Timmy! I let down the babies

and your baby-adjacent dad.

I'm gonna have to turn in my Certified Super Sitter

badge, hat, snuggly, decorative scarf,

floaty pen, sippy cup cozies.

I love those cozies!

[sobbing] I don't even know what I am anymore.

[thud] Ooh!

- So the crazy train rolls on.

Wait a minute. I have an idea.

[straining] Start picking up the litter again!

- Stop pressuring me!

I can't save the world!

I know that now!

- Yeah, I don't care so much about the world,

I just wanna save Poof from Vicky.

Oh, and also...

never eat a brussels sprout again!

- I get your plan! The faster we pick up litter,

the faster it will fall.

Eventually it will fill up the room,

and the pile of trash will push us up

through the trap door where I can use

my Certified Super Sitter skills to vanquish Vicky!

Wow, for someone who's never even had a remote chance

of making the honor roll, that is brilliant!

- Um, thank you?

- Ha! Vicky!

- [struggles, grunts]

[blade sharpening]

- Certified Stupid Sitter!

[grunts]

[growls]

[playing piano]

- I thought this moment deserved an ominous music sting,

so I broke out my Baby's First Harpsichord.

- Yay! The babysitter that doesn't sit on me is back!

- This may not sound very sweet, but...

break Vicky like a x !

[intense music]

- Normally, when I deal with confrontation,

I use my words, but not this time!

Feel the wrath of my Certified Super Sitter Sonic Saber!

[sword buzzing]

- Oh, so that's how it's going down, huh?

I'm gonna turn you into

Super Sitter Swiss Cheese, sister!

- [struggling] Little help?!

[screaming] [chainsaw revving]

[fighting efforts]

- Ah! Not helping!

[grunting]

- My ponytail!

[gasping]

- You got game, girl.

Truce? Really?

- Kidding! - [screams]

- [cackles] I'm not just mean,

I'm funny! [revs chainsaw]

You're not laughing!

Sayonara, Stupid Sitter!

- Halt! I will not allow you to harm Chloe.

Her unwarranted kindness made my face leak!

If you're going to hurt her,

you'll have to go through me.

- Huh. Okay!

- Badly played. But before I perish,

grant me one last request.

Say, "Here Punchy!"

- Why would I say, "Here, Punchy"?

[boinging] - Shrimp on the barbie!

[punches] [screams, crashing]

A punching kangaroo! [laughs weakly]

I did not see that coming!

[whimsical music]

- Ooh!

[grunts, growls]

- Hasta la vista, baby!

[screaming, crashing]

[blows] She won't be back.

[all cheering]

- So there, Vicky! I'm a hero!

[screams]

[thudding, grunting]

I landed in brussels sprouts!

[laughter]

- Thank you for saving me, Foop.

- Just don't tell a soul.

I'll lose my street cred.

And thanks for letting me have the tiny lake of fire.

- It's not Super Sitter Certified,

but I'll look the other way. [sniffs, exhales]

- You're smelling my head again. It's weird!

- Thanks for the restaurant recommendation, Foop.

Chez Black Hole was magnifique.

- It was the best meal I've ever eaten while having

my chromosomes rearranged.

- Gah! What's going on?

Why am I running on my hands?

- Did anything exciting happen when we were gone?

- Not really. We just had a hot beverage and talked.

[giggles]

- Honey! I'm back!

Did anything exciting happen when I was gone?

- Ooh! There were funtivities,

and German jokes, and I was chained to treadmill

and there was a punching kangaroo!

- Uh-huh. I think someone's dinosaur helmet's

a little tight. - [babbling]

- When's Poof getting home? - Shrimp on the barbie!

[punches] [grunts, crashing]

I landed in brussels sprouts!

- I want candy! Gimme gimme! Gimme!

- Seriously, this is really weird!

[jazzy music]

♪