10x04- The Fair Bears/Return of the L.O.S.E.R.S.

[bunniefuu]

[jazzy music]

- ♪ Timmy's still an average kid ♪

♪ That no one understands

♪ Chloe's his new neighbor

♪ And she's ruining all his plans ♪

- Aah!

- ♪ All the wishes

♪ In the world

♪ So why should he care?

♪ Jorgen has reported there's a fairy shortage ♪

♪ So Timmy has to share

♪ His OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

- More than one? - This should be fun!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Feather suit, nature boots, laser sh**ting, rescue ♪

- World peace, kale treats,

bunny feet, real neat!

- What? No! Leave me alone!

My fairies! Get your own!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Timmy, beware, you'll have to share ♪

♪ Your fairly OddParents

- Yeah, right!

[upbeat music]

♪

[bell ringing]

[all cheering]

- School's out!

The nightmare's over.

- I'm never going back.

Tell my story!

- Boy, this was a hectic day.

I taught the kindergartners Mandarin Chinese

and created an experimental cure

for male-pattern baldness.

- You think you accomplished a lot?

I found a new app that shows me

what I look like with a beard.

Check it.

[beeping]

Ladies, get in line.

- Hey, Timmy and Chloe.

Check out this new app.

This is what Wanda looks like with a beard.

- Gentlemen, get in line.

- Ooh, I know the perfect way to relax after a day

of super achieving.

You guys are gonna love it.

Cosmo and Wanda, poof us to my house.

- Chloe!

Thanks to your experimental baldness cure,

I have hair.

And, oddly, webbed feet,

but I'm okay with that!

[magic wands chiming]

- Let's start the fun

with some healthy snacks.

- [munching]

[alarm buzzes]

[retches]

Something terrible's happening in my mouth.

This is not a cookie.

- It's better.

It's a tofookie,

a cookie-like disk made with tofu

and something called cricket protein.

- Why?

- Now let's bump up the fun.

We're gonna watch the greatest television show

ever made.

[triumphant music] "The Fair Bears"!

- That show is the worst.

I thought it was canceled. Why wasn't it canceled?

- It was, but I have all seasons on DVD.

Never touch them!

[giggles]

[upbeat music]

all: ♪ Welcome to a world that's always fair ♪

♪ Get wots of wuv from friendly bears who care ♪

♪ Be happy, be fair

♪ Be truthful And share!

♪ We're the Fair Bears, and we're fair ♪

- Stop telling me what to do, Fair Bears.

- ♪ So if you're stressed or feeling blue ♪

♪ Come play with us the whole day through ♪

♪ We're ready for fun

♪ So how 'bout you?

all: ♪ We're the Fair Bears, and we're fair ♪

- Ooh, I love watching "The Fair Bears."

This is how I relax!

- I don't want to hurt Chloe's feelings,

but those Fair Bears make me want to

cough up my tofookie.

Know what I mean, Sport?

Sport?

Oh, I don't think so.

[magic wand chimes]

- Busted.

- I'm Fair Bear,

and I never cheat.

- Me neither, 'cause it's wrong.

- I'm Better Bear,

and I believe that no matter how good you are,

you can always be better.

- That's what I tell everybody.

- What's with you?

- And I'm Happy Ray.

Be happy.

And that's an order.

- Sir, yes, sir.

- I love the Fair Bears,

but I'm not gonna lie, guys.

Happy Ray scares me a little.

Guys?

- Busted.

[magic wand chimes]

- Ooh, I love the Fair Bears so much.

I wish they were real.

Oh, oh, oh!

I have fairies.

They can be real.

I wish the Fair Bears were real!

[magic wand chimes] both: No!

[triumphant music]

- [gasps]

[cheers and claps]

- Look, bear buddies.

We're in a super fun new world.

- I'm Chloe, and I brought you here

because I love you.

I love you so much.

- I'm Cosmo.

Want to see Wanda with a beard?

Sorry, I get flustered around celebrities.

- I'm Timmy, and I'm leaving.

- Wait.

What's that expression on your face?

It's like a smile, but it's upside down.

- Can you sign my DVDs?

Use the glitter pen.

Use it!

all: We all wuv you,

and we want to be your bear buddies.

- Oh, you want to be my buddy?

Quit touching my face!

Right, Wanda?

Get back here, woman!

- [groans]

- Um, time for some Fair Bear fun.

Let's play the Fair Bear board game.

[all cheering] - Huzzah!

♪

- I'm already bored.

- Don't worry; I have a genius plan.

- Hey, Timmy, you can go first.

Roll the Nice Dice.

- I rolled two.

One...

Two. I win!

Game over. Genius!

We're out of here, Wanda.

- What was that you just did?

- It's called cheating.

Timmy's an expert.

- But it's not f--

it's--it's not fair.

- I have a funny feeling inside,

and it's not--

[stammering] happy.

- Did you eat a tofookie?

'Cause those things will turn on ya.

- [whispering] I'm bear-y uncomfortable.

Someone make it better.

- Okay, let's all just take a bear-y big breath

and sing the song that helps us say bye-bye

to bad feelings.

all: "The Forgiveness Song"!

[upbeat piano music]

all: ♪ You've got to forgive and forget ♪

♪ You can't live with regret ♪

♪ Whether you're bear buddies ♪

♪ Or you just met

♪ You got to forgive and forget ♪

- Stop it!

- Timmy, this may sound kind of harsh,

but you're being a little bit of a bummer bear.

- Why does everything you say now

have to have the word "bear" in it?

- Well, someone's a cranky bear.

- I know what makes cranky bears feel better:

nap time!

- Right, like I'm gonna take a nap.

I'm almost a tween.

[dreamy music]

all bears: ♪ Put your sleepy head

♪ On your sleepy bed

♪ And close your eyes and sleep ♪

- [snoring]

[yawns]

[unicorn whinnies]

Where are we?

This place looks like a unicorn ate a rainbow

and threw it up.

- Or maybe it ate a tofookie.

- We're in Happy Hollow,

where cranky bears come to wear the Happy Hat.

- Listen up, bonker bears,

there's absolutely no way that Wanda and I

are putting on these--

- Do it!

[shouting, hats zapping]

[bell dings]

[bell dings]

[shimmering chimes]

[all laughing]

- Am I dreaming,

or are you guys actually getting along?

- We're bear-y, bear-y good buddies now.

- I wuv everyone.

- We wore the Happy Hats

with wires and blinking lights.

I smelled smoke.

- Wait, I've seen every "Fair Bears" episode,

like, a bazillion times,

and I have never seen a Happy Hat.

- Who wants a hug?

- I do. I wuv hugs!

The nice bears changed my brain.

- I'm not sure I'm wuv-ing this.

You brainwashed my friends!

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but put Timmy's brain back the way it was.

- We just made him a better bear.

- Boundaries, Timmy.

You're creeping me out.

- This is not cool.

Turn my friends back to the way they were.

- Hey, Chloe, your smile turned upside down.

Maybe you should wear the Happy Hat too.

- [screams]

The Fair Bears are bonkers, Cosmo.

Poof them away!

[triumphant music]

- Sorry, I ate my wand in my sleep.

I thought it was a tofookie.

all: Get 'em!

- Run!

- Don't worry,

I hid a super secret spare wand in Timmy's room.

It should be easy to find,

because there are signs all over town

pointing to where it is.

[exciting music]

- Hunt them down!

[tires screech]

- I wuv you!

♪

- Hey.

both: Let's sing the safety song!

all: ♪ When you cross the street ♪

♪ Always look both ways

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

[scatting]

[car horn blaring]

[crashing]

- Mother, I told you not to drive

right after your eye exam.

You want to go to prison again? Is that what you want?

- Denzel, is that you?

[alarm blaring] - My Fairy Finder's in a frenzy!

I'm gonna bag me some fairies.

You get the car to the chop shop

before the po-pos take you to the pokey.

♪

[both groaning]

both: ♪ Welcome to a world that's always fair ♪

♪ Get wots of wuv

♪ From friendly bears who care ♪

[both groan]

- I never thought I'd say this,

but that song is driving me cuckoo!

- Relax.

All I have to do is follow these signs

to the spare wand.

♪

Hey.

Ha! What do you know?

It was in my sock the whole time.

Never would have found it without the signs.

[groans]

- You've been a bear-y bad bear, Chloe!

- You call yourselves the Fair Bears,

but there's nothing fair about forcing people

to be like you!

You're the ones that have been bear-y bad bears!

Bad, bad bears!

- You know, I've had just about enough sass

from you, Miss Thang!

- Cosmo saves the day!

[groans]

- My fairy finder found fairies!

Fork 'em over, folks.

- Fairies? Here?

No.[laughs]

Oh, wait--yes, yes, there are fairies,

and they're right there.

all: Wait, what?

- They're not fairies.

They're Fair Bears,

and I wuv them.

- Ooh, let's see, who should I believe?

The boy who always lies

or the girl who always tells the truth?

Tough call.

Fairies in the hole!

[vacuum whirring]

all: No fair!

If the po-pos ask, I was never here.

[both groaning]

♪

- I wish Wanda and Timmy were back to normal.

Hurry, before Timmy hugs me again!

♪

- Ew, girl cooties.

- What happened to the Fair Bears?

Nothing good, I hope.

- Oh, don't worry.

I can pretty much guarantee that.

[vacuum whirs]

- At last, my lifelong dream of having fairies

has come true.

For my first wish-- ooh, so excited!

I want you to, uh...

- Denzel, is that you?

[all screaming]

[crashing]

- [screams] Why, Mother?

- That wasn't bear-y fair.

- I could be better.

- Let's sing the revenge song.

♪

[suspenseful music]

♪

- [yawns]

Another awesome day

where my fairies do absolutely everything for me.

Cosmo, Wanda.

Open my eyes.

[magic wands chime]

Now dress me, please.

[magic wand chimes]

- Done. You're in a dress.

You go, girl.

- Oh, dear, I can't un-see that.

Well, bye, Sport.

We're off to the Fairy World iWand store

to line up for the new iWand.

- We're getting awesome upgrades:

Wish Autocorrect, faster Wand-Fi,

and a Find-Your-Wand app,

which I need, 'cause I lost my wand.

- It's in your hand!

- Now, see, if I had the Find-Your-Wand app,

I would have known that.

- You can't go.

In case you haven't noticed,

I'm not great on my own.

My eyes are dry. Blink for me.

- Don't worry, Sport.

We asked Chloe to look after you

while we're gone.

- Yeah, we know you're basically

a potato with a hat.

- Chloe Carmichael, reporting for babysitting duty.

So where's the wittle cutie?

- Wanda, raise my hand.

[magic wand chimes]

- I'm babysitting Timmy?

- I'm not used to doing things without my fairies.

[yelps]

- Don't worry, Timmy.

Wanda and Cosmo will be back soon.

How soon?

- We'll be back by dark.

- I wish it was dark!

- I'd grant that wish,

but I lost my wand.

- It's in your hand!

You're a potato with a wand.

- [yells]

I'm helpless till dark.

- Spending months in this thorn bush

finally paid off.

[groans]

My arch enemy, Timmy Turner, is defenseless.

Time to alert the League of Super Evil Revenge Seekers.

Ring, ring.

Ring, ring.

Ring, ring.

- [barks]

- [giggles]

- Ring, ring.

- Hello? Flipsie Fan Club, Dark Laser speaking.

- Dark Laser, Timmy Turner is vulnerable till dark.

- Ooh, I am so there,

but first I have to walk Flipsie.

- Flipsie doesn't walk; it just flips.

I hate Flipsie!

See you in five at the Cake 'n Bacon.

You're buying.

[screams]

Thorns in bad places!

[dramatic music]

Ring, ring.

- Hello?

- Foop, it's Turner time.

- [giggles] Goody.

But I'll be a minute.

I'm in a time-out for putting spiders

in my daddy's pis-ghetti.

- With my team of borderline lunatics,

I'm invincible!

- Time to trim the talking bush.

[string trimmer buzzes]

- [screams] Not invincible!

The League of Super Evil Revenge Seekers unite.

Who are we?

all: Losers!

- Today's a momentous day.

- You bet it is.

It's Bottomless Clam Chowder Day.

- That, and we're going to annihilate a ten-year-old!

- Just a heads-up,

I can only pay with the teeth of my enemies.

It's legal tender in space.

- Teeth back in the wallet, nut job!

We need a plan to destroy Turner.

- Well, you know I have a thing for poisonous spiders.

Listen up.

[whispering]

[all laughing]

- Ooh, you're one bad baby.

Me likey.

- Flipsie has some questions.

- [barks]

- Flipsie has a C-battery for a brain!

- Did you dress yourself yet, Timmy?

I know you can do it.

- Nailed it.

- Ooh, that's super close.

Remember the song we practiced?

♪ If you want to dress neat

♪ You put your shoes on your ♪

- ♪ Hands

[doorbell rings]

- Spider delivery.

- [groans]

You're not supposed to say "spider."

[doorbell rings]

- Spider delivery.

- [groans] Switch it up.

- Uh...what's my line again?

- [groans]

[doorbell rings]

Pis-ghetti delivery.

She's giving me a weird look.

I knew we should have gone with pizza.

Who orders pis-ghetti?

[clears throat]

Anyway, here's your pis-ghetti.

Don't open it till we're far away.

- Uh, thank you?

Wow. Were they losers or what?

- Yes, and they're my sworn enemies.

Whatever's in that bag-- it isn't pis-ghetti.

- Right you are.

It's just a bag of deadly spiders.

[dramatic music]

[screams]

Deadly spiders!

[all laughing]

- Quiet!

Wait for the agonizing screams of terror.

[all screaming]

[whimsical music]

- I can't wait for my upgrade.

Steve Wandzniak is a genius.

Oh, it's him!

- Good news, fellow fairy nerds.

Well, for me, anyway.

There's only two iWands left.

You fight over them while I make my escape.

- Everyone, stay calm...

while we grab the last two wands!

[all yelling]

- Okay, champ.

Let's try walking.

It's easy.

Just put one foot in front of the other.

Left, right, left, right.

- Got it. Left, left, left.

[yells]

- Wow. Really?

No right, just the left and the left and the left?

And I still have three hours till dark.

- Oh, it's gonna get dark a lot sooner than that,

little missy.

- Quiet, she'll hear us!

[doorbell rings]

- Now watch how much better

this scam works with pizza.

- "'Who is it?' she said, already knowing who it was."

- Spider delivery.

[groans] Now you've got me saying it.

- Ugh, I'm surrounded by nincompoops!

- Pizza delivery.

Nailed it!

- You are getting very sleepy.

[all snoring]

- Oh, mother, mother.

[groans]

- Man, I'm good.

Then again...nincompoops!

- [groans]

- Time to wake up the snoring bush!

[all shouting]

[all screaming]

- Mother, we're making a super evil plan,

so we'll need snickerdoodles and juice boxes.

- You still live with your mother?

That's weird.

Flipsie and I went halfsies on a bachelor pad.

Who's Daddy's little wingman?

[giggles]

- Goody, I found a spot on my body

where I wasn't bitten by a spider.

[groans]

Never mind.

- We only have an hour of daylight left to get Turner.

Let's brainstorm a new plan.

- I know-- prank phone calls--

really mean ones with cutting personal slights.

- Or we just have him move in with Mother.

No human can survive that for long.

Mother, snickerdoodles!

- Well, we could use my death annihilator ray,

or--ooh!

We could ding-dong-ditch his house;

you know, where you ring the doorbell and run away.

[giggles]

- Whoa, tap the breaks.

You have a death annihilator ray?

You couldn't have brought that up before the pizza fiasco?

- Losers, we finally have a plan

to annihilate Timmy Turner.

- Snack-y time.

both: Hello, Mrs. Crocker.

- Hello, boys.

Here are your snickerdoodles.

Now get back to your evil.

- k*ller doodles, Mrs. Crocker.

- Hey, Laser, eyes up here.

- Okay, buddy.

Which utensil do we eat our soup with?

This is an easy one.

- [slurps]

- You bozo.

It's the spoon!

What are you, a single-cell organism?

Open wide.

Here comes the choo-choo train.

Choo, choo. Choo, choo.

[dramatic music]

- Pizza delivery.

- We're not doing that anymore.

[growls]

[laser g*n fires]

[both screaming]

- Run!

- Left, left, left!

[yells]

- Oh, brother.

- [screaming]

[laser g*n fires]

♪

- [screams]

- So good to get out of that chaos and get back

to the peace and quiet of home.

Why's there a smoking hole in the wall?

- Could be anything.

Construction, big termites, annihilator ray...

[laser g*n fires]

[both screaming]

- The losers are after us, and there was pizza with spiders

and left, left, left is wrong!

- He can't eat soup by himself!

- This may be a bad time to bring this up,

but is your mother...

seeing anyone?

- [screams] What is wrong with you

besides everything?

- No worries, Timmy.

We'll just poof them away with our upgraded iWands.

The software upload should only take a minute,

unless there's a glitch.

[wand beeps]

There's a glitch.

- I'll call tech support.

[laser g*n f*ring]

I'm on hold!

- Okay, it's all good.

I just need a password.

Let's see. "Cosmo"?

No, I'll never remember that.

- Just do it!

- "Just do it."

Ooh, fun password.

[wand beeps] Oh, it's taken.

Glitched again.

- Your time on this Earth is done, Timmy Turner.

Did that sound scary?

I--I--I wanted to sound scary.

[accordion music]

- Pizza delivery.

- I'm feeling peckish.

[all screaming]

- I can grant a wish in ten seconds.

I'm just downloading my pictures.

Oh, look, Wanda.

It's us at that luau.

You look hot.

Seriously, you were sweating like a pig.

[laser g*n fires]

- [screams]

[expl*si*n]

[dramatic music]

[all screaming]

[all cheering]

- We annihilated Turner.

We did it!

Well, you did it.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

- So that's our story? We blame him?

- Wait, what? It wasn't me.

It--it was Flipsie. Sorry, Flipsie.

Daddy's too pretty for jail. [giggles]

I'll call you, baby.

[all yelling]

- Oh, Timmy.

I'm sorry I called youa bozo,

but you kind of were a little bit.

- I will avenge you...

right after I watch cat videos on my new iWand.

- Aw, I miss my little potato with a hat.

- I'm okay. They missed me.

I played dead, 'cause lying on my back

with my eyes closed is what I do best.

[all cheering]

- My new iWand is ready.

I'm gonna poof us up a big celebration party.

[expl*si*n]

Wanda, call tech support.

- I'm going out for the evening.

Don't wait up, Denzel.

- [groans] What is wrong with you?

- [giggles]

Snickerdoodle.

[jazzy music]

[jazzy music]

♪

- Frederator.