10x17 - Crockin' the House/Tardy Sauce

[bunniefuu]

[jazzy music]

- ♪ Timmy's still an average kid ♪

♪ That no one understands

♪ Chloe's his new neighbor

♪ And she's ruining all his plans ♪

- Ahh!

- ♪ All the wishes

♪ In the world

♪ So why should he care?

♪ Jorgen has reported there's a fairy shortage ♪

♪ So Timmy has to share

♪ His OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

- More than one? - This should be fun!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Feather suit, nature boots, laser sh**ting, rescue ♪

- World peace, kale treats,

bunny feet, real neat!

- What? No! Leave me alone!

My fairies! Get your own!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Timmy, beware, you'll have to share ♪

♪ Your fairly OddParents

- Yeah, right!

[swinging music]

♪♪

- Okay, class, finish turning in

your community service reports.

Oh, Bobby, I see you donated a kidney.

Show off!

- Ow.

- Ooh! Mr. Crocker!

For my community service project, I--

- Don't care!

Skipping ahead to the fun part

where I get to fail Turner!

- I did my community service.

I bought myself a video game.

I'm part of the community, and I did myself a service.

- You never disappoint to disappoint, Turner.

But I'm not gonna give you an F.

I'm gonna give you three Fs!

'Cause I find it funny you're failing!

Ha! - Ah!

Ow! - Timmy!

I've been live-streaming

all of this on Fairy-Scope.

Keep failing-- you're starting to trend.

- Knock it off, Cosmo. Wait, I'm trending?

- Let's move on to a topic I'm excited about:

my mother's leaving town! [laughing]

I give myself an F, for "Freedom"!

[fanfare]

Anyhoo, occasionally the government calls Mother in

to interrogate spies and get them to spill the beans.

Ironically, she does that by serving them her beans.

Ever have 'em? You'd spill yours too!

[bell ringing]

- Uh, Mr. Crocker? The bell rang.

- Yes, but I'm not finished with my rant.

With mother gone, my cat Girlfriend and I

are really gonna let our hair down.

Well, I will. Girlfriend's hairless.

[cat meowing]

Now that I think about it,

I don't have that much hair either.

But fingers crossed, a Chinese man

gave me a potion!

[gong ringing] Huzzah!

[footsteps]

Note to self: being boring empties rooms.

I can use that next time Mother has her biker friends over.

[swinging music]

[humming]

Isn't this fun? [cat meowing]

- Well, I've got my interrogation beans

and I'm ready to leave.

Denzel, why are you skipping?

- Well, it's certainly not because

I'm delighted to see you go.

- Will you be okay without me?

- Hmm, let me put it this way:

every step you take towards that door

adds years to my life!

- You can do anything you want while I'm gone.

Except have fun.

Also, you're strictly forbidden

from inviting your robot and baby friend over.

- You mean Foop and Dark Laser?

You make them sound weird,Mother.

They're my besties.

- They're a bad influence, Denzel.

They're more like worsties!

- You're the worsty, Mother!

[cat meowing]

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

On second thought, do! - Gah!

I spilled the beans!

[cat meowing] - It's okay, Girlfriend.

We don't need Dark Laser and Foop.

We can cut loose on our own.

[clock ticking]

[snoring] Mother...

Wow, that was the opposite of cutting loose.

We need help letting our hair down.

[cat meowing] Relax.

You've got to give Dr. Chang's potion time to work.

In the meantime, who do we know

who actually has hair to let down?

- [laughing]

- Turner!

- I didn't do it. I'm not even here.

This is all in your imagination. Don't call the police.

- Relax, Turner. I'm not here to punish you.

I'm here to make a deal with you that will benefit us both.

- Really? Well, maybe I am here then.

- Then I guess we're here too!

And we're trending again!

- We have more viewers than the monkey

riding backwards on a pig.

- Ooh, I like that video.

The monkey wears a funny hat!

I'm having fun already, and I don't even have hair yet.

Turner, you really know how to walk that fine line

between fun and life behind bars.

So I need you to help Girlfriend and me

get from here to "Fun" through this crooked maze

of disappointment and lost opportunity.

- One problem: I don't care about either of you.

So tell me, what's in it for me?

- Helping me will be your community service project,

for which I will give you a B.

If I give you an A, the school board

will know the fix is in.

- Ooh! - Ah!

- Speaking of community service...

- [hissing] - I never got the chance

to tell you what I did for mine.

I actually did two projects.

- You can make it three by taking me to the hospital,

because I think you just gave me a heart att*ck.

- I volunteered at the cat shelter

and at Second Chance Seniors: a halfway house

for the delinquent elderly.

They were bad to their brittle bones until I got there.

- [grunts] Still don't care!

- Okay, for a B, I'll teach you how to have fun.

- Ooh, you know what's fun? Being true to yourself.

- Get rid of the girl and I'll give you a B+.

- Anyway, you're new to fun, so let's start

with something easy: throwing a party.

- Oh, I had a party once.

No, wait. That wasn't me.

- I can see I'm really gonna have to earn that B.

Step one: pick up the phone and invite some guests.

- Most people have me on call block,

but I'll give it a sh*t.

Principal Waxelplax?

Come to my party or else!

- [whining] - Oh, you're coming all right!

I will hunt you down, woman!

Sleep with one eye open!

[grunts] She's a maybe. [cat meowing]

- Ooh, if you're having a party for you and Girlfriend,

then I have the perfect guests.

[cat meowing]

[jazzy music]

- [sighs] No hair yet. [sniffs]

But we smell like kung pao chicken.

That's something. [doorbell ringing]

What's that strange sound?

- That's your doorbell, Mr. Crocker.

You have guests. - Ah!

What do I do? Should I hide?

- They're party guests. Answer the door.

[chaotic overlapping chatter] - Ah!

- I'm so glad the shelter cats

and Second Chance Seniors were free tonight.

Taking them on an outing gets me bonus community service points.

Okay, everyone, remember:

cats, don't claw the furniture.

[meowing]

And Second Chance Seniors,

don't steal the furniture.

- Whoa, looks like a zombie movie with cats.

- Ah! - [laughing]

This is the greatest party I've ever been to.

Actually, it's the only party I've ever been to.

Except once, when I was lost in the woods

and there was a search party.

But it turned out they were looking for someone else.

Mother never even called the police.

She was too busy flirting

with her personal trainer, Big Danny.

- Psst. Mr. Crocker. Wrap it up. - Almost done.

I hate Big Danny!

- Mr. Crocker, ask someone to dance.

[upbeat music]

- [clears throat] Hey Mittens,

how about you spit out that mouse

and take a spin on the dance floor?

[cat screeching] Gah!

[laughing]

I have hair! Now I'm dancing on air!

- Wow, what a rager. And I don't mean the party.

I mean that Second Chance Senior raging at the lamp.

- No reason to sass me, lady.

I just asked you to dance.

- This party is totally trending on Fairy-Scope.

Luckily, it's such a freak show

that no one would want to crash it.

both: Party crashers!

- Ooh! [sniffs]

I smell kung pao chicken and old people.

Or is that my cologne? - Meow-wee, honey.

What a purr-fect costume party.

This is how cats talk. - No, it isn't.

It's hard to b*at the theme:

shelter cats and Second Chance Seniors.

Check me out: I'm a granny on the lam.

That's why I'm riding a lamb!

- We're going viral.

- [laughing]

[dramatic music]

- Space is dull.

Look at how bored Flipsie looks.

- He's not bored.

He's a stupid toy and his switch is off!

[beeps] [barking]

- There's the Flipsie I love. [laughing]

- Check out this party on Fairy-Scope.

This guy's dressed as a Second Chance Senior

on the lam, and he's riding a lamb!

- Ah! My housecoat is riding up.

- "On the lam." On the lamb.

Clever. - I don't get it.

- He took a figure of speech and made it literal.

Wait a minute, that's Crocker.

He has hair, and he's having a party without us.

[gasps] He has a whole secret life.

That stings.

- I can handle it, but Flipsie's devastated.

Look at him.

- We could write Denzel a snarky comment on Fairy-Scope.

- Or we could annihilate him.

- Yes! Let's go with your thing!

- So this is what happens at parties when you don't hide.

You earned that B, Turner.

[dramatic music]

♪

- [evil laughter]

- Uh, I'm gonna need a guarantee on that B.

No backsies, even if you were,

let's say, uh,

permanently d*sfigured?

- This party animal with a glorious mane

is gonna say "Yes."

[suspenseful music]

[both screaming]

- Sorry we're late...

to annihilate you!

- [hissing]

Ah! [cat meowing]

- We're supposed to be besties.

How could you not invite us to your party?

I can take the rejection,

but Flipsie's gonna need grief counseling.

[crying] [dog barking]

- I'm sorry, I take full responsibility

for not inviting you, but it was all Mommy's fault!

Uh...my mind's going blank.

Does anyone else smell beans?

[dramatic music]

- Guys, give him a break.

Take in the picture: he's a weird old man

with a hump dancing with a cat.

And this is the best day of his life!

- It is! You might as well take me out

now, because it's never gonna get better than this.

- Wow, this whole thing just got sad.

- Maybe instead of destroying you, Denzel,

we'll just join the party and destroy...

the dance floor with our smooth moves.

[festive music]

- Huzzah!

My hair's like a mood ring.

Join the conga line, boys.

♪

I feel so free!

I'm Crockin' the house, baby!

[sniffs] Ah! Ah! I smell beans!

- Denzel. - Mother. You're home early.

- Yes, my beans cracked a double agent

before I even cracked open the pot.

And you disobeyed me.

- I'm sorry, Mother.

Sorry I didn't do this a long time ago.

I'm through hiding when the doorbell rings.

Unless it's carolers. They freak me out.

No one's that happy!

Except for baby chicks. They seem genuinely happy.

Of course, it could be an act.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm a big boy

and I'll do what I want.

Let's party on!

[desolate Western music]

- You cleared the room, dear.

But you're right: you are a big boy now,

and I'm actually glad to see you so happy.

- Really? You're not gonna make me eat beans?

- No, but I would like the last dance.

- Hmm. I'll take the beans!

[cat meowing]

- Everyone, single file onto the bus.

And don't break a hip.

- After-party on the Death Cruiser!

[cheering]

[swinging music]

- I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble for this.

- Who cares? I got a B!

- I'm on the lamb!

[cat meowing] - Beans!

♪

[La Cucaracha]

♪♪

[bright music]

[air horn blaring]

- Attention, citizens of Dimmsdale!

Today is the day that I,

Chloe Mahatma Gandhi Carol Burnett Carmichael,

will break the all-time international

perfect school attendance record.

[whistling]

Ah!

Whoever you are, you can't stop me

from getting to school.

I'll just chew my way

out of this net.

[chomping]

- Hey, it's me.

I wanted to catch you before you left for school,

and I figured the only way to do that

was with an actual net.

- [growling]

Ha!

Ah! [crashing]

- Anyway, I came to tell you

there's no school today.

And also, did you just chew

through a high-density carbon fiber net?

- [slurps] I'd chew through

a brick wall to get to school, Timmy.

You know that. - Yes, I do.

Anyway, didn't you get the robo-call from Mr. Crocker?

- No, yesterday was No Technology Tuesday at my house.

We turned off our phones, sat in a circle,

and passed around the talking stick.

- Wow, that's a whole new level of Carmichael cray-cray.

Anyway, school's cancelled today because of some kind

of stupid teacher seminar or some other stupid thing.

- Hello, dullards and parents of dullards.

School's cancelled today because of some kind

or stupid teacher seminar or some other stupid thing.

Get out of my room, Mother. I'm talking to my friends.

Eh, their names? Um...

That's none of your business. That's it!

You're washing your own hair tonight.

- This call will repeat.

- No school?

I-I always go to school. Ah!

Even on weekends--eeh! And holidays.

I go just to touch it. Ah!

Timmy, I need to touch it.

- I know what will take your mind off school.

Cosmo. Wanda.

- Ah!

Ah! - Chloe.

There's an obvious answer you're overlooking:

tacos! [laughing]

- Ah!

["La Cucaracha"]

- Ha ha!

Okay, so tacos aren't that obvious,

but still, you got to love 'em,

so I want you to come with me to the grand opening

of the single greatest taco chain

in the known universe: Taco the Town.

- I don't like tacos, but that is a clever food pun.

- Well, things are about to get even clever-er,

'cause they're giving away a free taco to every customer.

And since you don't like tacos, I'll get yours.

It's a win-win, and I win twice.

- [sighs] Very well.

I will escort you to your taco establishment, Timmy.

But just know, my heart will always be in the classroom.

- Chloe, if you want to keep learning today,

Cosmo and I can quiz you.

- Pop quiz! What came first? The chicken or the egg?

- That's really more of a philosophical question--

- Wrong! - Class dismissed.

It's taco time.

- Chet Ubetcha reporting live

from the grand opening of Taco the Town.

I'm here with the Taco the Town mascot,

Paco the Taco the Town Clown.

[horn honking]

What do you know. That was salsa in your flower.

Ha ha, a spicy twist on on old standard.

In related news, ouch-chi-wa-wa that burns!

- Pop quiz, Chloe: what am I gonna order?

- I don't know. - Wrong.

The answer is Frank Sinatra's car.

- Just order! I need to touch school.

I'm getting the twitch.

- Okay, let's see what I want.

There's so many taco choices.

The Pork-o Vallarta, The Chick-Ensenada,

The Cheese-en Itza.

- Garcon, I'll take Frank Sinatra's car.

With low-fat guac.

- Whoa, floating customer.

- Just order! I have to touch the school

before sundown or it doesn't count.

- Oh, Timmy!

Toot, toot! Here comes the dummy train.

Cutsies! I have ten wooden friends

who are totally alive and real,

and they all want their free tacos.

Isn't that right, Loud Larry?

[shouting] You got that right, Timmy's dad!

And you're not just using us

to scam free tacos for yourself.

Keep your voice down, Larry.

Oh, it's so convenient for me

to have so many taco-loving friends.

Farmer Ben likes his spicy.

[phony country accent] Yee-haw, city slicker!

Spicy puts a hitch in my giddy-up!

And Penelope loves tacos,

but doesn't like to eat with her hands.

[high-pitched voice] Oh, it's uncivilized!

I use a Kn*fe and fork like a proper lady.

Ooh, what a snob, huh?

- I don't know what's happening, but please order.

Must. Touch. School. - You're weird!

Isn't that right, Astronaut Bob? [imitates radio buzz]

Houston, we have a problem. [imitates radio buzz]

That's a cliché, Astronaut Bob.

Oh, how did you ever get into the space program.

[bell ringing]

- Wait. What was that?

I might be going cuckoo,

but I thought I heard the recess bell at school.

- [guilty laughter]

Well, you probably are going cuckoo,

'cause, uh, there's no school today.

Right, Cosmo?

- Ooh, big taco!

[chomping]

- Breaking news: my hat's being eaten by a mystical creature.

- Hey, there's a hair in my taco.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

- I've got a lawyer right here.

Isn't that right, Sid Woodman?

I'll see you in court!

Ooh, don't trust Sid Woodman.

He's an ambulance chaser.

- And another thing: if there's no school today,

shouldn't there be kids here?

[desolate Western music]

Most kids love tacos.

- There are kids!

Mrs. Dubois brought her whole brood of wooden children.

[Southern belle voice] I do declare, I did, Timmy's Dad.

And you are a handsome man.

Oh, you are giving me the vapors.

Please, Mrs. Dubois, this is a family establishment.

[Southern belle voice] I'm sorry, but my husband's

been off for so very long, fighting those Yankees.

You mean the baseball team? - Wow.

Okay, back on planet Earth, where are the kids?

And I mean non-puppet kids.

- [inaudible whispering]

I don't know what you're talking about, Chloe.

There's a bunch of kids right over there.

- What are we doing here? We're supposed to be in school.

- I'd stay for tacos, but there are

too many dummies in line ahead of us.

- Hmm, something's fishy...

- Fish tacos!

- I'd like my free taco, please.

And my friend's, 'cause she's a taco-hating school toucher.

I'm really hungry, so which is the quickest to make?

- Uh, Pork-o Vallarta and the Chick-Ensenada.

- Then I'll take the Cheese-en Itza.

- Timmy, why are you stalling?

Something weird is going on here.

- Well, yeah, my dad's playing Connect-the-Dots

on a Taco the Town place mat with a dummy in a space helmet.

- Look, Astronaut Bob! We made a sombrero!

[imitates radio buzz] Houston, we have a sombrero.

- I'm not talking about your dad, Timmy.

He's always weird, but if I didn't know better,

I would think you were selfish enough

to like about school being cancelled

to drag me here just so you could get an extra taco.

You hesitated!

Why did you hesitate?

- Uh, tacos are up.

- Yah!

Tell me the truth, Timmy Turner,

or you'll never see these tacos again.

- Ah! Stay calm, Chloe.

Step away from the tacos.

- Ooh, that's very interesting.

Tell Chloe what you just told me, Truant Officer Mike.

[Irish accent] There's school today,

and you're playing hooky, little missy.

I'd expect it of Timmy Turner here...

- Ah!

- But not the likes of you,

Chloe Mahatma Gandhi Carol Burnett Carmichael.

- [gasps] Timmy, did you hear

what Truant Officer Mike just said?

School's in session. I was right.

You jeopardized my chance to set the all-time international

perfect school attendance record

by twisting the truth to get tacos.

You're a taco-tricking truth twister.

- That is harsh, but right on target.

- I can still make it to school

before the final bell and set that record.

Ooh, and when I get there, I'm gonna totally

rat you out for playing hooky.

Timmy Turner, get ready to spend the rest of the year

in detention listening to Mr. Crocker

read from his dream journal.

I hear it's mostly screaming.

[dramatic music]

- No! [crying]

- Cosmo, Wanda, poof me to school.

Just do it!

Ha, nothing can stop me from getting to school now.

- Want to bet? Cosmo. Wanda.

Poof up a kitten stuck in a tree.

[cat meowing]

- [gasps] Except for that.

[triumphant music]

- Poof up a pile of trash.

- Oh, no! Litter!

Oh, you have a sick mind, Timmy Turner.

Trash, recycle, trash, recycle, trash, recycle--compost!

♪♪

- No one wins in a wish fight, Chloe.

Except me! Ha! Cosmo, Wanda--

- I wish Timmy was a troll and that he can't un-wish my wish.

- Ah! [garbling]

- I don't think you're winning, Timmy.

- I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Crocker.

But it was all Timmy's fault.

He selfishly convinced me there was no school

so he could get an extra free taco at Taco the Town.

So whip our your dream journal

and give him a lifetime of detention.

Uh, most importantly, because I was tricked,

but still made it to school before the day was over,

I technically broke the all-time

international perfect attendance record.

I'm touching school! [giddy laughter]

- Wow, you've gone totally around the bend.

You probably could have used a day off over the years.

- I almost got one, thanks to Timmy:

the most selfish, horrible former friend

in the known and unknown universe.

Including black holes!

- Okay, brace yourself for the weirdest thing

you've ever heard me say:

eh, Turner was actually the good guy here.

Ah, that stung!

- What?

all: Surprise!

- Congratulations for officially breaking

the all-time international attendance record.

I don't see the thrill personally,

but it's your life to waste.

Bring in the cake!

[lively music]

You see, it took all morning to set up

your surprise celebration party, so Turner volunteered

to distract you with the taco thing.

I said you were too smart to fall for it,

but apparently I was wrong.

- I'm so happy and humiliated at the same time.

I'm happ-imiliated.

Oh, I've got to apologize to Timmy.

Where is he?

- [garbling]

- Ah! It's a troll!

Run for the hills! This is a nightmare!

It's going in my dream journal. I need a pen.

[screaming]

- Oh, Timmy. I'm so sorry.

I never should have suggested that you'd put

tacos before our friendship.

Although, in my defense, it is kind of believable.

- [garbling]

- We're sorry we tricked you, Chloe.

- Wait, we were tricking her?

- Who wants cake?

[chomping]

- Mm, mm.

I know we're just sharing a taco,

Mrs. Dubois, but this feels wrong.

[jazzy music]

♪

- ♪ Billionfold! - Inc.!

- Federator!