01x14 - Art and the Addams Family

[bunniefuu]

♪ They're creepy
and they're kooky

♪ Mysterious and spooky

♪ They're altogether ooky

♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum

♪ When people come to see 'em

♪ They really are a scream

♪ The Addams family

Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

♪ So get a witch's shawl on

♪ A broomstick you can crawl on

♪ We're gonna pay a call on

♪ The Addams family ♪

That Zen-Yogi is so interesting.

Not only good for your
feet but your head, too.

That's right. It's really
very cultural, isn't it?

Mama can have her painting.

Painting? She's
gotten so, so arty.

She can't wait till
you see it, Gomez.

Very well. Coming up.

Alley-oop! Oop!

By George, Mama!

This new technique
of yours is a dandy.

It does give me a
feeling of release.

That's it. You've done it.

Not quite.

It still needs a
little something.

Mama, I beg you, don't
tamper with perfection.

Oh, trust Mama.

Superb.

It should be on exhibit at
the Metropolitan Museum.

You're too kind.

But what I need is
the eye of a critic.

A critic? Yes.

Someone who'd give an
unbiased opinion of my work.

If you don't believe me
you can ask Uncle Fester.

Well, he's sweet, but
he has an axe to grind.

That's just for recreation.

What I need is an outsider.

Very well, Mama. I'll call
in my friend, Bosley Swain.

Mmm.

Well, Bosley, what do you say?

Unbelievable.

I told you I knew great art.

Mr. Swain, am I
expressing the real me?

Oh, it's the real you.

Couldn't be anybody else.

How sweet of you to say so.

Uh, what would you
suggest as my next step?

A teacher.

Is there a teacher you
could recommend for Mama?

No.

Really very nice
of Bosley Swain,

being so encouraging about Mama.

Mama's painting is most unusual.

Well, one thing is certain.
She has her own technique.

She throws that
paint with a curve.

If you do find a
teacher for her,

make sure he's got a good arm.

Do you think the
Zen-Yogi society

will hang this picture
of you in their office?

It'll fit in so perfectly
with the rest of their decor.

You know, you and
Mr. Swain are so flattering,

but I wish he could have
recommended a teacher for me.

I've got it.

The perfect teacher for you.

Picasso!

Picasso? For me?

You rang?

Lurch, do you have any
idea where Picasso might be?

Tahiti?

No, Lurch, that was
the other painter fellow.

The one who hobnobbed
with the native girls.

See what you can do on
the phone, Lurch. Try France.

Yes, Mr. Addams.

I wonder what
Picasso's doing now.

The last I heard, he was
fiddling around with ceramics.

Paris.

Ah, thank you, Lurch.

Bonjour, mademoiselle.
Comment ca va?

Could you connect me
with Mr. Picasso, the painter?

Lurch told me you
had Paris on the line.

Could you switch me
over to the Folies-Bergere?

I'd like to talk to
my French pen pal.

I thought Yvonne
lived in a convent.

No, she moved.

You don't talk to pen pals.

You write to them.

Darn.

Oh.

Well, thank you, operator.

That's odd, she never
even heard of Picasso.

Mamacita!

We forgot our ancestral land!

Spain.

It's 3:00 in the morning there.

Do you suppose he'll be up?

Certainly. Everyone
in Spain is up

half the night
dancing and funning.

Let me try it.

Would you like to? I'd love to.

Hello?

Yes, operator, yes, yes.

This is Picasso. Sam Picasso.

All right.

Hello?

Mr. Picasso, the artist?

Could be. Who wants to know?

The name is
Addams, from America.

From America?
America? Oh, that's...

Is this call collect?

Oh, no!

I hope I haven't caught
you at a bad time.

No. No, dear lady, no.

As a matter of fact, Uh, I wasn't
doing anything important tonight.

Good.

Then how about coming to
America and living with us?

Could be. But... But of my
service, what did you have in mind?

Uh, babysitter?
Gigolo? Gardener?

Well, because I'm very
good in all three of them.

I want you to teach me to paint.

Paint? Oh, paint!

That's what I do
better than best.

Well, how soon can you leave?

How soon can you
send me the fare?

Immediately.

I'm leaving.

♪ Yankee Doodle went
to town cha, cha, cha

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

Hello.

Hello. Who are you?

I'm Wednesday.

Oh.

It's too bad what
happened to your doll, eh?

She isn't a doll.

She's Mary, Queen of Scots.

Grandmama was telling
us what happened to her,

and my brother Pugsley
chopped off her head.

"Marie Antoinette."

"Little Red Riding Hood."

Little Red Riding Hood?

She didn't die.

The way we play it she does.

Is your family home?

They're always at home.

I would like to see them.

You would? Yes.

All right. Come on.

Come on.

Mother!

Father, Mr... Picasso.
Picasso is here!

Addams here. Welcome to America.

This is America?

Well, it's not all like this.

Not everyone has it this good.

Wednesday, run to
Mr. Picasso's room

and make sure the
shades are drawn.

Yes, Father.

Ah, here comes
your pupil now, sir.

Oh, maestro. I think
I'm going to faint.

Not before I do.

Gomez, darling, what's
all the excitement?

Ah, my lovely wife, Morticia.

The great Picasso.

I'm so glad you could come.

You know, it's strange.

I was under the impression that
you were short and round and bald.

Darling, he's short and round.

You can't have everything.

If there's anything
you'd like, just name it.

What's for dinner?

I'll go see.

Cocktails.

Ah, thank you, Lurch.

That's very thoughtful of you.

A vintage brew from the
Addams wine cellars, Mr. Picasso.

Especially for you.

To Mr. Picasso.
Long may he live.

At least a couple more days.

1916 was a great
year for champagne.

I thought you might
like another little snack.

What's in it? Pate of yak.

Sounds delicious.

Oh, it is. Try one.

Is different.

Yes. Yes, it is.

By George, Mama,
that is a dazzler!

I never could have done
it without Mr. Picasso.

What shall I do
next, Mr. Picasso?

I would suggest, senora, that
you practice your brushstrokes

up and down, up and
down. See how it's...

Very bad. No, no, no.
Your wrist is too stiff.

Flexibility, flexibility.

Oh, yes. To get a better
view you've got to move back.

As far back as upstairs.

You come for dinner, eh?

Very good, very good.

Keep up, keep up.

Isn't he inspiring?

He certainly is.

Not only that, he's the
only guest we've ever had

who appreciates pate of yak.

I hope that's not the ladies
from the charity bazaar.

My paintings
aren't nearly ready.

It's probably Bosley Swain.

I invited him over to see
the improvement in your work.

Mr. Swain.

Ah, Swain, good to see you.

I... I, I am terribly busy, but
you said that your mother

had a new teacher and that
I was in for a big surprise.

There it is, old man.
Feast your eyes.

Oh, who is the culprit?
I... I mean, teacher?

Mr. Picasso.

Picasso?

Yes. Came clear over from Spain.

Brought some of his
own masterpieces.

There it is.

A genuine Picasso.

Yes, a genuine Sam Picasso.

Worth about 40 cents.
This man is a bum.

Been trading on the
Picasso name for 20 years.

Nonsense.

If this isn't Pablo Picasso,

then we've discovered
a great new talent.

Oh, come now. I'll admit he
showed promise as a young man,

but he hasn't painted anything
but... but wallpaper in years now.

Someday that wallpaper
will be worth a fortune.

You take my advice.
If you want a teacher,

you throw this freeloader out
and take a correspondence course.

How unprofessional jealousy
can twist a man's mind.

I never thought old
Bosley would sink that low.

With his influence he could turn

the whole art world
against poor Sam.

Ruin his reputation.

We have got to help him.

How?

We're gonna make
him work, work, work

till he reveals
himself to the world

as the true genius that he is.

Mr. Picasso. Mr. Picasso.

Dinner is served?

Work.

Oh, senor. Gosh, you
going to ruin my appetite.

No, no, no.

As a starter we'll find something
simple. Let's see. What'll it be?

Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!

You want me to work?

You're a genius, Picasso.

I won't permit you
to waste your talent.

From now on you're
going to paint, paint, paint.

But this is ridiculous.

I cannot be turned on
like, like a kitchen faucet.

You must, old boy.
You owe it to posterity.

Oh, please, I owe
enough already.

Senor Gomez, believe
me, I cannot paint a stroke

without brushes made
from goats' hair from Tibet.

Perfect. I'll write my
friend, the high lama.

He'll send us all
the goats we need.

And what about the canvas, huh?

Oh, you do not
know, of course not,

that I use canvasses
made from Egyptian cotton.

I'll have the family helicopter pick
some up on the way back from Tibet.

It's still no good.

I cannot paint in a living room.

No. No!

No. No!

We fixed up a special
studio just for you.

Thank you.

Come on.

Voila! You can work here
without any distraction.

Won't you believe
me? I love distractions.

Mr. Picasso, we'll have
all your meals sent in.

Senor, b-b-b-but
where will I sleep?

A-ha! Sleep, you say?

This one.

This is an
instrument of t*rture.

Nonsense, Mr. Picasso.

Great art is born
of great suffering.

This should bring something
precious out of you.

Blood. That's the
spirit, old boy. Carry on.

But... If you want
anything, just shriek.

Let me out of here. Please.

Please help. Help!

Now, now, Mr. Picasso,
mustn't be lazy.

Back to your easel and
just paint, paint, paint.

How's Michelangelo doing?

He's getting comfortable.

We're gonna make a great
artist out of him if it kills him.

Hey, that's a good idea.

You know, no artist is
famous until his death.

Maybe we could arrange it.

No, I don't think we
should, Uncle Fester.

We want Mr. Picasso
to suffer for his art,

but dying is going
a little too far.

Ah, Mr. Picasso,
relaxing from your labors?

Isn't that sweet?

He and Cleopatra
have found each other.

Don't get too close, old
man, she's an ear nibbler.

Now, now, Cleopatra,
this is no time for romance.

Mr. Picasso has work to do.

She nearly crushed me.

Quite a feather in your cap.

She's not usually so
affectionate with strangers.

Now, Mr. Picasso,
back to your studio.

Studio.

Come, old man. You know you're
just dying to get back to work.

Senor, please, don't
use that word again.

Thank you.

Querida.

Here I am, Mr. Picasso.
Are you ready?

Por favor, Senor.

Give me time to write a letter
to my poor little old mother.

Oh, you can do that later.

You'd better get me now
while I'm in the mood to model.

Oh, you came here to model?

Well, sure.

I've modeled all of Gomez's
Halloween pumpkins.

He's quite a talented
pumpkin carver.

Well, I'm sorry, sir.

You see, I only paint apples.

Darn.

No use, Lurch. He's
only painting apples.

Lunch.

Nice big boy, maybe
we can make a deal?

Deal?

To get me out of here.

Where did you come from?

Pugsley's tunnel.

He has them all over the place.

Of course. What is a home
without a secret tunnel?

I came to watch you paint.

Oh, you like to paint,
eh, Wednesday?

Sure, painting's fun. Watch.

Yes.

Yeah? You like, Mr. Picasso?

Oh, that's gorgeous, yes.

By next year you will be
a good Grandma Moses.

Hey, wait a minute. You said
something about a tunnel, no?

Pugsley's a great tunneler.

Some people think
he's part gopher.

Could be, could be. Why not?

Tell me.

Where does your
secret tunnel lead to?

Just outside.

Just outside?

Oh, you're right!

I'm going to take
a stroll just outside.

Can I paint while you're gone?

To your heart's content.

Kitty won't hurt you.

No?

She once ate a zookeeper
and got a upset stomach. So...

She's very careful now.

How did you know?

A little birdie,
a little birdie.

A little vulture told me so.

Well, you wish me
luck, eh? And you paint.

You paint any time you want.

There. It's finished.

That's a beautiful
vase, Uncle Fester.

That's not a vase, Gomez.

That's an urn for
Grandfather Malaprop.

How thoughtful.
He is getting on.

Oh, what have we here?

Why, it's Mr. Picasso.

Where did you find him, Lurch?

Sneaking through the henbane.

Now, Mr. Picasso, we
can't get our work done

playing in the henbane, can we?

You know what we're
going to have to do now.

Back to the pit.

Penniless, her little fingers
bleeding from the tuna cans,

she may return
and say she's sorry.

Why, Mr. Picasso!
You have been busy.

What sophistication, throwing
these masterpieces around

as though they were confetti.

Superb.

I knew if we worked
hard we'd get it out of you.

I have seen better things
gotten out of a man with a scalpel.

True genius. Never satisfied.

Look, now that you got this
out of me, can I get out of here?

Nonsense, Mr. Picasso.

Not until we have our expert,
Bosley Swain, look at your work.

Senora, can I leave before
you show to Mr. Bosley Swain?

Oh, certainly not.

It's so rare for an artist to be
present at his own personal triumph.

Old man, this will
be your finest hour.

Or my last.

Well, Bosley, what
do you say now?

Incredible.

I didn't think you were
capable of anything like this.

You hit me and I will report
you to the Spanish consul.

Hit you. I want to
congratulate you.

You mean to say you like them?

They're masterpieces!

What childlike simplicity.

And what unique subject matter.

Trees with human heads.

I told you he was great, Bosley.

All he needed was the
Addams influence to bring it out.

Just think, someday
they may put a plaque

in the front of
our house saying,

"Sam Picasso slept here."

Who slept?

Sam, I am buying all of them.

And I'll send my
man to pick them up.

This is just the
beginning, Picasso.

You can stay here and
work as long as you like.

Oh, no. I think I'll
go back to Spain.

Paint, paint, paint?
No, fight bull fights.

Is much safer. Adios, I think.

Adios, Picasso.

I tell you, querida, talent
is contagious around here.

Why, you're another Mama.

Darling, thank you.

Tish, when you bow that
way you drive me wild.

You mad Castilian.

Mail's in.

We've got all we need.

I think I'd better get it, dear.

Thank you, Thing.

I think it's from
Mr. Picasso in Spain.

Did he really go
into fighting bulls?

Oh, yes.

Now he's back to painting them.

Wonderful.

You know, darling, he was
really a very good influence.

Not only on Grandmama
and on me, but on Wednesday.

You know, she's started
to paint exactly like him.

Superb.

Will you look at that?

Nothing like environment.