01x33 - Lurch, the Teenage Idol

[bunniefuu]

♪ They're creepy
and they're kooky

♪ Mysterious and spooky

♪ They're altogether ooky

♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum

♪ When people come to see 'em

♪ They really are a scream

♪ The Addams family

Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

♪ So get a witch's shawl on

♪ A broomstick you can crawl on

♪ We're gonna pay a call on

♪ The Addams family ♪

Now, now, Cleopatra, no gulping.

Masticate, masticate.

Regular little glutton today.

She does love
her giraffe burger.

And that dinner music.

Lurch! He's been stabbed!

Nonsense, darling,
that's the way he sings.

He'd be better stabbed.

You know, I think
Lurch has talent.

For dancing and juggling?

No, for folk singing.

They all sound
like that on our TV.

Must be out of order.

No, I had the
repairman check it.

They're doing that
on all the shows now.

Singery, swingery, flingery.

What happened
to all the doctors?

Well, they're singing, too.

I do believe Lurch could
become a recording star.

By Jove, you may be right.

I'll get the phone book, look
up some record companies.

Lurch will be so surprised.

If they like him, so will I.

Will you stop
bothering me, Addams?

I told you I'm not interested in
making records of singing butlers.

I only handle standard groups

like The Polecats, The
Zombies and The Headsplitters.

Wait a minute. That
voice. Is that him?

Well, he does
have a bit of a cold.

Hang on. Gladys, dig this sound.

Hey! That gets me.

Bickle? Are you still there?

Yes, I'm still here
and I'll be right there.

♪ Go, go, baby ♪

Wild!

When he sings he's beautiful!

He does have talent, doesn't he?

I'm gonna make this guy the
biggest thing in the music business.

He's already the biggest
thing in the butler business.

Show him, Lurch. Stand up.

Oh, he is a big one.

And still growing.

He'll sweep the country.

Not so fast, Bickle. He
hasn't swept the kitchen yet.

Darling, country
first, kitchen later.

Grab your hat, boy,

we're gonna go down to the
studio and cut some records.

Oh, no.

I'm afraid dear Lurch
is much too shy.

You just forget about it, Lurch.

I'm sorry you came out
here for nothing. For nothing?

Just a moment, my dear, this
is the sort of thing Lurch needs.

He's too inhibited. This will
bring out his true personality.

You see? The mere
thought of it has him bubbling.

Well, it's all settled, Bickle.

You bring your recording
equipment over after supper.

You've got a deal.

And you're gonna
fracture 'em, pal.

My, that sounds attractive.

Mr. Bickle's almost
finished, dear.

Last time I was this
nervous, you had twins.

I never had twins, darling.

You didn't? No.

I must have been dreaming.

Darling, you are nervous.

Perhaps a little fencing
will make you relax.

Dear.

En garde.

Tish.

That French. It goes
right through me.

They're through recording.

Be right with you.

Darling, what are you
doing? Marking my place.

This guy is dynamite.

He'll be bigger
than The Beagles.

The Beagles?

They're very tasty.

Those are bagels.

The Bagels? That's
a great group, too.

Well, gotta get going.

Take care, Lurchy baby.

My, isn't she the motherly one?

Your voice is beautiful, Lurch.

But I'd do a little
work on my aim.

Sorry.

Watusi!

You forgot the Freddy.

Oh, my two favorite dances.

The Freddy and the mazurka.

This is where he lives.

Real cool pad.

Joan, Susie!

This is Lurch's place.

Oh, crazy!

Such soothing music.

That was the voice
of Benny Bickle's

hot new find, Lurch. And now...

Well, Lurch, with
a talent like that,

you ought to be a shoo-in
as king of the butler's ball.

Lurch, you go and
practice, and that's an order.

Hey, sounds like an accident.

Great shades of
Satan! A lynch mob!

Nonsense. Lurch wasn't that bad.

Oh, they're in an ugly mood.

But I'm ready for them.

Battle stations, everyone.

Man the g*ns.
Pass the amm*nit*on.

No, no, no, Gomez.
It's not a lynch mob.

Look, dear, it's Lurch's fans.

Isn't that sweet?

They really love you, Lurch.

Work.

Isn't he splendid?

So devoted to his job.

Ah, the perfect servant.

Remind me to give him a raise.

Better still, I'll buy
one of his records.

We want Lurch!

We want Lurch!

We want Lurch!

We want Lurch!

We want Lurch!

Practice.

All right, now. Eye on the ball.

Darling, suppose I
miss the ball and hit you?

Counts as a stroke.

Helps develop accuracy.

Very clever.

Ole!

A hole in one!

What a lovely sport.

After lunch we'll
try it blindfolded.

Yes, it does make you work
up an appetite, doesn't it?

I'll ring for Lurch and
have him fix lunch.

Darling, what in the world
could have happened to Lurch?

That bell is a bit
difficult to hear.

We'd better go
down to the kitchen.

Querida.

Observe the professional touch.

By george, a club in one.

Now,

"Fillet of fenny snake, In
the cauldron boil and bake."

Fillet of fenny snake.

Fenny snake.

We're always out of staples.

Well, I guess I'll just have
to use some chopped eel.

Get away, Thing.
Make your own lunch.

Uncle Fester, have you seen...

What are you doing?

I'm fixing my lunch, what else?

A fine butler we've
got. I rang and I rang

but he didn't
answer. I'm starving.

Ooh, that looks very tasty.

It's a recipe I found in a book.

Let's see.

"Fillet of fenny snake in
a cauldron boil and bake.

"Eye of newt and toe of frog,

"wool of bat and pollywog."

Stop, stop, you're
making me hungry.

Uncle Fester, this
isn't a cookbook.

That's the witches'
scene from Macbeth.

Hey, that Shakespeare was
a real gourmet, wasn't he?

Lurch should be fixing lunch.

It isn't like him to
neglect his duties like this.

He hasn't answered
anybody's ring for hours.

Maybe he just quit
and walked out.

Oh, he wouldn't do that.

Not without taking
his references.

Gomez, we'd better look for the
poor dear and try and help him.

Let's look in the playroom.

While I was gabbing the
whole thing's gone flat.

Oh, there you are.

Where have you been, Lurch?

Playroom. Practicing.

He didn't want to disturb us.

Isn't that thoughtful?

Well, it'd be more thoughtful

if you practiced in the kitchen.

But, darling, you're the
one who told him to practice.

Very well. Put the blame on me.

My shoulders are broad.

At least they are in this suit.

Mr. Bickle says Lurch
is breaking records.

I prefer a butler
who breaks dishes.

Yes, Mr. Addams.

We are faced with a
very serious problem,

and there is only
one thing we can do.

Worry.

Oh, dear, I'm glad
to see you're relaxing.

Helps me worry.

Have you caught anything?

The last time you caught
one of Mama's dress shoes.

This time I caught
the other one.

Oh, that's good.

She does look better
in a matching pair.

Oh, the mail's in.

Thank you, Thing.

I'm expecting an important letter from
my banker, broker, taxman and barber.

Barber?

He's a wonderful banker,
broker and taxman.

I'll take them, my dear.

Darling, they're all for Lurch.

Lurch? Fan mail.

Oh, these are for me.

Lurch? Lurch.

Lurch? Lurch.

Well, no wonder
there were none for me.

The postman didn't
have enough room.

Come on, now. That Lurch charm.

You know, this is for your fans.

Now, let's see
those pretty dimples.

Perfect.

I can't see a thing in here.

Too dark.

That's better.

Now hold it.

Perfect.

Hey, that's a good one.

Came out nice and clear.

Only I don't think I
captured the real you.

It's the real me.

I wonder what happened.

Great jumping catfish!

Consolidated Fuzz
is down to three.

Oh, these pictures
of Lurch are lovely.

Querida.

Consolidated Fuzz has
dropped from 278 to three

and all you can
talk about is Lurch?

I'm glad I don't own
any Consolidated Fuzz.

Lurch, the door.

Lurch is busy resting.

That's ridiculous! How
can he expect to rest

with me yelling for
him every five minutes?

I'll handle the door.

But someone else will have to take
care of the cleaning and the washing.

Lurch! We wanna see Lurch!

We gotta get his autograph!

I'm sorry, but Lurch is not...
- Here.

What happened?

Lurch is very big with fainters.

Oh.

I'll go get some smelling salts.

Hurry up, I really need some.

There are no two ways about it.

Lurch's career is costing
us a fortune in smelling salts.

His fans are rather delicate.

Frankly, Morticia, I'm sorry you ever
pushed him into making those records.

I ever pushed him
into making records!

Who was it called Mizzy
Bickle in the first place?

You.

Oh, yes.

But who was it insisted they
bring over the recording equipment?

Who was it insisted Lurch sing?

Who was it ordered
him to practice?

A-ha! That was
me, too, wasn't it?

Well, since I'm the one
who got us into this mess,

I'm going to let you get us out.

You tell Lurch he has to choose
between crooning and butling.

Oh, darling, I couldn't
do that to dear Lurch.

You're the head of the
family, Gomez, you tell him.

Am I supposed to do everything?

We'll do this the democratic
way. We'll vote on it.

Capital idea!

All those in favor of allowing
Gomez to tell Lurch will say "Aye."

Aye. Aye.

Aye. It's unanimous.

But, I, I, I...

Three more ayes. It's
becoming a landslide.

Addams here.

Oh, yes, Bickle.

Tell Lurch what?

Really?

That's a great idea, Bickle.

Splendid.

Cara mia! Our troubles are over.

We don't have to
tell Lurch anything.

He's leaving on a world tour.

Leaving?

He's going to London,
Paris, Brooklyn.

You rang?

Oh, excuse me, I
wasn't expecting you.

Just

passing by.

Mr. Bickle's going to take
you on a tour of the world.

The... The world?

Oh, come, come, Lurch. You can
show a little more enthusiasm than that.

No.

Voice

gone!

Oh, the poor dear, the excitement
must be too much for him.

He's really speechless.

Quickly, down to the playroom.

We must restore his voice.

Don't worry, Dr. Addams
only lost one patient.

His first and his last.

Gomez, darling, I have an idea.

If he can't talk, he can't sing.

That solves everything.

You're right.

No, I'm not.

It must be a free choice.

Lurch must make his own
choice between singing and butling.

Querida.

All right, Lurch, say, "Ah."

Ah.

Oh, that's right, I
forgot. You can't talk.

Querida, you'd better
take a look at this.

See anything?

Nothing except a stick.

Spray. Spray.

Spray.

It's no good, Fester,
it didn't help a bit.

That's funny.

It cured the rose
bushes just like that.

Uncle Fester, I don't
believe Lurch has aphids.

No, nor scarabs, either,
otherwise I would have seen them.

Lurch, try some of my
old-fashioned remedy.

Don't spill it on the table,
it takes the paint right off.

Now.

There, now, isn't that better?

Can you sing now?

I just got to
pinpoint this trouble.

Pinpoint? Why didn't you say so?

Mama, what did you do?

I pinpointed the trouble.

By george, I was right.

He's regained his voice.

Here he comes.

I won't go.

But, Lurch, dear, the
world is waiting for you.

Your fans are
out there drooling.

Yeah, and walking all
over Morticia's thorns.

Don't worry about us.

Uncle Fester will pinch-hit
until we find someone else.

Well, I better get down to the
kitchen and prepare supper.

If anybody wants
anything, just ring.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

An autographed picture.

Best picture you
ever took, Lurch.

Doesn't look a thing like you.

Goodbye, Lurch.

Good luck.

Bye.

Well, he belongs
to the ages now.

I'll miss his happy,
smiling face.

I need a drink.
I'll ring for Fester.

You rang?

Lurch!

You're back!

To stay.

♪ Be it ever so humble

♪ There's no place like home ♪

Ah, there's nothing like the sound
of happy voices raised in song.

They are much happier
now, aren't they, darling?

Now that Lurch is home to stay.

Darling, why isn't
Lurch singing?

He has a perfectly lovely voice.

There are a few more fans
hanging around outside.

We didn't want to
take any chances.

Darling, you
think of everything.