01x02 - Trust No One

[bunniefuu]

Well, Texas has been fun, but it's time for this supervillain family to hide out in some other unsuspecting suburb.

Who's up for Sheboygan? We can go wherever you want.

We just got to move quick.

I've done some things.

Why are we leaving now? We have no choice.

We're not safe here since Amy told Hartley our secret.

Come on.

Do you really think she'd tell anyone? We can't take that risk.

She tells one person we're villains, the authorities will lock us up forever.

Oh, that's if Onyx doesn't find us and destroy us first.

I say we move to the beach so I can scare some surfers by shape shifting into a shark or a man eating crab.

Either way, I'm snacking on someone.

We can't leave.

We finally started going to school and I like it.

You know, I'm the first student at Valley View High to be nominated for Student of the Month after being here less than a month.

Oh, Jakey.

I don't know how you do it, but you always find a way to disappoint us.

I knew it! She ratted us out.

Save yourself! It's just Hartley.

Oh, wow.

She really snuck up on us, didn't she? Good morning.

How are my favorite supervillains? Wait, wait, wait.

I was up all night thinking about it.

And I have so many questions.

Have you met Captain Valor? I heard his real name is Doug.

And what about Sparkle Girl? I heard she smells like truth, justice, and coconuts.

Hartley, we would love to answer all your questions, but just now's not really the best time.

They're still, kind of, processing the fact that you know our secret.

Oh, what's wrong? Don't you trust me? Of course we do.

In fact we trust you so much we wanna lock you in a medium sized box and never let you out.

I'm gonna head out.

See you at school.

I can't believe you don't trust Hartley.

She's a good person.

Yeah, a little too good and honest.

It's gonna make it impossible for her to keep our secret.

Now that I think about it, Dad might be right.

Did you know she's never lied to her grandmother ever? Well, that does it for me.

I can't trust anyone that doesn't lie to their own family.

Wait, does that mean you lie to me? No.

It would make it a lot easier to trust her if we had something to hold over her.

That way, she'd be forced to keep our secret.

Are you actually suggesting blackmail? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hartley's my friend.

If anyone's gonna blackmail her, it's gonna be me.

Yeah.

I was thinking maybe someone else could do it.

Why? Well, you did spill our secret.

And let's not forget the whole Onyx thing.

What about the whole "Onyx thing?" You went to go fight for your mother's promotion.

And now, we're hiding out in Texas making small talk with neighbors named Kai.

Oh, so all of a sudden everyone thinks I'm the mess up of the family? Not all of a sudden.

I've always thought that.

Mom, you don't think I'm a mess up, do you? No.

I can't believe this.

You're all wrong.

I'm gonna prove it.

I'm gonna blackmail Hartley.

No, of course you are.

Uh-hmm.

But just in case, how about some of us also see if we can dig up some dirt on Hartley, hmm? Thanks, Mom, but I've got this.

Yeah.

But just in case.

Do you seriously think I can't do something as simple as blackmailing Hartley? It's just in case.

Okay.

I've spotted the target.

Time for operation, "Blackmail Hartley and get my family to trust me again.

" Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you looking at me like I'm weird? Hey, Hartley, didn't you and the Sunshine Club have a carwash to raise money for a new water fountain? Uh, yeah, we raised $500.

Well then why is the old water fountain still here? Where did all that money go, Hartley? What kind of water fountain crimes are you trying to pull here? What are you talking about? We had to give the money to Kendall Rogers.

She was scrubbing headlights at the carwash and didn't move in time, took a custom grille right to the forehead.

Oh.

I kind of wish I had seen that.

But hey, being in charge of all that money, don't you ever wanna just take off and blow it all on a tropical vacation? Amy, what's going on? Are you recording me? Uh Dang, no! I forgot to hit the button.

Let's go from the top.

Blackmailing Hartley's gonna be tougher than I thought.

Well then maybe you should let it go.

No way.

I have to do it so I can prove them I'm not the failure of our family.

That spot's clearly reserved for you.

Um, excuse me, I'm not a failure.

I just received three votes for Student of the Month from the Valley View High Librarian Squad.

Okay.

It seemed a lot cooler in my head.

You know what? I don't need to find something to blackmail Hartley with.

I can just plant something on her.

No, you can't.

Oh, relax.

I'm not really gonna get her in trouble.

I just have to plant some evidence on her, catch her on camera with it, and then thr*aten to get her in trouble.

I just got to remember to hit record this time.

Okay.

This is Hartley's room.

Are you sure Sealy is not home? Positive.

She said she's competing in a Backroom Arm Wrestling Tournament.

Oh, oh, so that explains why she was bench pressing Hartley this morning.

Okay.

Come on.

Let's see if we can find something to blackmail Hartley with.

I am hoping for a journal full of juicy teen girl secrets.

What has my life become? Holy pigsty! This is usually what the crime scene looks like after we leave.

Someone's home.

I thought you said Sealy was at an arm wrestling tournament.

She was.

Oh, wait, that's tomorrow.

Today she's home.

She's coming.

Hide! Go! - Let me in! - There's no room.

But where am I supposed to go? Go shape shift into something.

I really got to teach this girl how to fold.

I've been looking everywhere for this sweater.

Hartley must have brought it without asking.

I just love the way it hugs my body.

I missed you so much.

I might never take you off.

Well, if she's taking my son, I'm gonna take this lamp.

Ooh, is that a new teacher? I don't know.

All these old guys look alike.

Watch me go secure his vote for Student of the Month.

Excuse me, sir.

Hello, children.

What are you doing here? I'm the new substitute science teacher.

In what world are you qualified to be a teacher? In a world with photocopiers and easily altered credentials.

Whatever.

You're only here because you don't think I can blackmail Hartley on my own.

Amy, that's insulting.

I also wanted to get away from your mother.

Well, you're too late.

I already planted another kid's homework in Hartley's backpack.

Once I get her on camera with it, I'll be good to go.

Oh, here she comes.

This is gonna be good.

Valerie, you lost your homework.

Good thing I found you in time.

Wouldn't want you to get you an incomplete.

But it looks like you're getting one.

Mr.

Mayhem, what are you doing here? Profiting off the stupidity of our youth.

He got hired as a sub.

So a former supervillain is gonna mold young innocent minds? What could possibly go wrong? See ya.

Well, I guess you couldn't pull it off after all.

Why don't you let the mastermind take it from here? No way.

I said I was gonna finish the job and that's exactly what I'm gonna do, so step aside.

No, you step aside.

Why don't we all step aside and not make a scene in the hallway, huh? Student of the Month nominee right here, remember? Who am I kidding? You're not gonna listen to me.

Keep fighting.

If it's competition you want, game on.

Because I can definitely blackmail Hartley better than you can.

Really? Well, it looks like you just dove headfirst into a father-daughter blackmail showdown.

- Bring it! - Oh, I will! But first, I've got to go teach a roomful of mouth breathers how to make a battery out of a potato.

So typical, using another one of your crazy devices to get the job done.

Oh, does that thing take potato batteries? I'm scanning Hartley's fingerprints to plant on the principal's car which I will then be pushing off a cliff.

Looks like you've lost this one, little lady.

Touche! Hey, what are you doing? Keep going.

I just met her.

It's an improvement.

Go away! I'm about to plant the evidence in Hartley's hand.

Oh, don't let me stop you.

On second thought, maybe I will stop you by controlling your every move.

Don't mind me just grading your tests.

Hey, Hartley, can you hold my marker? Well, that's a strange question, but okay.

Amy, do you want me to hold it or not? Yes, take it.

Take the marker.

I'm trying! Try harder! Put a little leg into it! What do you want from me? Ow! Amy, you're acting weird.

Is there something you wanna tell me? Yeah.

That is the last time I ask you to hold my marker.

Mastermind! You gave me an F on my science project? I created a solar panel out of banana leaves that powered the entire school for three days.

How could you fail me? Same way I failed everyone else, slowly and with great joy.

But a failing grade will prevent me from being Student of the Month.

I know.

Bonus! Failing his own son.

Oh, that's a new low.

Perhaps you should get even by helping me frame Hartley before he does.

No, Amy.

I told you my villain days are over.

I'm a better person now.

Even though dad's over there showing your failing grade to the librarians? Keep it.

I made copies.

I'll be a better person later.

Celia.

How lovely to see you.

Eh.

Can I take your sweater? Nope.

I run cold.

Oh, well, we know that.

Let's turn the heat up a couple degrees.

A couple hundred degrees.

I'm gonna get you back.

What did you say? I said, I am gonna scratch your back.

Well, don't stop now.

Oh.

How high did you turn that thermostat? It's like an oven in here.

Oh, well, let me just take your sweater.

No, no, no.

That's the great thing about alpaca, just soaks in the sweat.

So what are we having for lunch? Lunch? Oh, right.

We are having, oh a pack of hot dogs left behind by the previous tenants.

Are you sure I can't take your sweater? Don't touch the alpaca.

Oh, what would you like on your hotdogs? We have ketchup or Oh, perhaps a little mustard.

No! You ruined my sweater! No.

No, no, no, no, no.

I just need to clean it.

Hand it over.

I will have it looking new in no time.

You better.

I'm gonna wear it to the steakhouse tonight.

Got to protein load before my arm wrestling tournament.

Fun never ends with you, does it, Celia? You just get this cleaned.

And I'm taking my lunch to go.

How do you have mustard all over your face? Because when you swatter something on me while I'm in one form, it sticks with me when I shape shift back.

Oh, well, that's fun.

Okay.

We've got to find a way to blackmail Hartley before dad does.

What are you doing? Writing her an apology note for whatever we're about to do.

Just because we're blackmailing her doesn't mean we can't be polite.

See, this is why we tried to leave you at that truck stop.

Keep thinking.

I'm gonna go brainstorm on my own for a bit.

What do you think you're doing? Since you crushed my dream of becoming student of the month, I'm helping Amy b*at you at your blackmail game.

You've turned on your own father? Yup.

And since you betrayed your son, it's time for you to pay the price.

Jump ship.

I'll give you an A.

let's do this.

Well, I finally got all the mustard out of my eyes and a few other crevices where mustard should never be.

Celia is here.

How do you feel about taking a hit for the family and riding on Celia's back for the rest of your life? No.

Okay.

Then at least shape shift back into the sweater until I can stall her.

Fine.

Oh.

No.

Don't you do it! Quiet, sweater! Come in.

I brought your hotdogs back.

At least the green ones.

Almost done.

The mustard stains are tough to get out.

No! Hurry up.

I need that sweater.

I don't get it.

How are you wet? Why don't you jump in the sink and I'll explain it to you? Jake, where have you been? - I have a plan.

- Oh, you save your breath.

You thought you were so clever getting your brother to help you.

But I flipped him so now he's helping me b*at you.

Ha! He used his super strength to rip the head off the school's mascot statue and put it in Hartley's locker.

That's right.

We went big.

- That's not that big.

- It's big enough.

And once we get Hartley on camera, she's gonna have to keep our secret and you are gonna have to bow down before your evil genius Daddy.

Still trying to make that one stick, huh? Guys, did you hear? Someone cut off the head of the eagle mascot.

And the police are here to investigate.

Listen up.

Your vice principal called me here because someone vandalized school property.

And when I find out who it was, the culprit will be arrested.

We were only supposed to frame Hartley not get her arrested.

Uh-hmm.

And if she goes down, they're gonna start asking her all sorts of questions, which means it's only a matter of time until she says too much and spills our secret.

Don't look at me.

I wanted to move to Sheboygan.

We to get that eagle head out of Hartley's locker before that officer finds it.

Look, as long as the officer doesn't go near her locker, we're good.

Heads up.

I'm searching your lockers.

Well, that was bad timing.

You can start with mine, officer.

I have nothing to hide.

Uh, no.

Wait.

You can't go in there, locker termites.

They're real.

Ask the science teacher.

I don't know any of these people.

Young man, step away from that locker.

Wait, officer, this is a violation of our student rights.

I mean to think that you would insinuate that innocent Hartley here would steal the eagle head that is not in there, I think we are done.

Have a nice day.

You're clear.

What just happened? You tell me.

I thought you said you Hid the eagle head inside my locker? Wait.

- No way.

- You knew? Of course I knew.

It was pretty obvious.

You becoming substitute teacher, Amy doing her weird marker dance.

I gave you the chance to come clean and you still wanted to blackmail me.

So I figured I had to teach you a lesson.

I moved the eagle head out of my locker hours ago.

Whoa.

I can't believe you played us like that.

You gave me no choice.

I just don't understand why you wanted to blackmail me.

I'm a good person.

And when I say you can trust me, I mean it.

I trusted you.

I'm actually the victim here.

They lured me in, which means I'm still a good person, right? You vandalized school property just to be Student of the Month.

So is that a yes? More of a, "You better fix that statute quick.

" And from here on out, you're all gonna start trusting me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on there, missy.

You can't just waltz in here and twist my arm.

Well, I do know your secret and I'm pretty sure you don't want me to tell anyone, so Welcome to the family.

Oh, don't even get me started about Octogal.

She once tentacled me so hard I couldn't sit down for eight days.

I'm sorry.

What was this? Oh, we're just hanging with our new bestie, Hartley.

Do whatever the girl says.

Hey, isn't that Celia's sweater? The one we've been looking for everywhere? Oh, it certainly is.

I only borrowed it for a few days.

But then Wait, why do you care about my grandma's sweater? This isn't about us.

This is about you.

I was gonna put it back but there was a loose thread so I pulled it.

And once I started pulling it, I couldn't stop.

Then this happened.

And there's my blackmail.

Ha! You're not gonna b*at an evil genius.

Hello, police department.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You know, for a girl who doesn't like blackmail, - she's really good at it.

- Yeah.

This is a Hartley I can rock with.

Okay.

I think we're done with the blackmailing.

So, Hartley, if you promise to keep our secret, I think we can help you out with the sweater.

It's so clean.

I'm gonna start having you wash all my clothes.

Oh.

Oh.

There seems to be a bit of fuzz there.

That's not fuzz.

It's just a loose thread.

Oh, no.

How am I supposed to fix this? Come on.

I got thread in the kitchen.

Yes, she took the bait.

You know, I'm really starting to see the upside of having a brother who shape shifts.

Ow! Quiet, sweater.

Quick, give me the sweater that you ripped.

There, now you're off the hook.

Celia will think she ruined it.

I can't believe I'm deceiving my grandma.

I have never done that.

Ever.

Would you rather see what happens when she finds out you ruined her sweater? Uh, no.

Yay! You're learning.

I am so done being a sweater.

What? Come in.

Holy pigsty! Is your room always this messy? Messy? I just cleaned it.

You know, I gotta say, you kind of impressed me today.

I impressed myself.

I mean, who would have thought I could outsmart a family of supervillains? Yeah, you got us pretty good.

You do realize that family of supervillains is at home right now trying to plot their revenge, right? Oh, I think they learned their lesson.

Didn't they? Sure they did.

Good.

Amy, you're not gonna try and get even with me, are you? No.

I gotta go.

I'll see you in your sleep.

I mean, I'll see you at school.

Amy? Amy!