01x03 - The Villain Experience

[bunniefuu]

Oh. And this one time

I made a hundred clones of myself

so I could rob a hundred banks at once.

Yeah, it was all fun and games

until one of his clones got weird

and forced us to call him Papa.

What about that time

I used my sonic scream

to distract Captain Valor

so Jake could crush him with a boulder?

That sounds violent.

It was.

So where was Colby

while you're all off doing

those horrible things?

With the babysitter.

Wait, supervillains use babysitters?

Okay, fine. We left them

home to play with the rats.

I'd say I'm horrified. But

from what I know about you

that's pretty on brand.

Hearing these stories just reminds me

that I never got to be a villain.

I've waited my whole life to get a power

so I can prove that I'm not

just the run of the family

and now I will never even get a chance

to fight with the rest of you.

Yeah, that's rough.

Who wants to do a puzzle?

If you're trying to find

a new look, that ain't it.

I was looking for a clean pair of socks

in the laundry and this happened,

the dry Texas heat wave

must be affecting my electrical power.

Static electricity. Urgh!

All You Need Is Love?

Hartley, how did your

shirt get in our laundry?

That's not mine.

It could be anybody's.

Eva, you better get cleaned up.

I ran into our neighbor

Mr. Tennyson at the store.

He said he's gonna swing by with

a housewarming cheese platter.

Why would you let a complete stranger

invite himself into our house?

Were you not listening?

Free cheese.

You can't say no when Mr.

Tennyson wants to visit.

He's head of the neighborhood watch

and he checks up on everyone

who moves in around here.

Then we better be careful.

We don't wanna make

him suspicious about us.

Don't worry. We'll let him

in. We'll take his cheese

and then we'll send him on his way.

And then we'll tell him

we're gonna return his plate

but we never will.

Now that right there, that's weird.

Relax, Jake. We know how to act normal.

Oh.

Well, save me some cheese.

- Hey, what are you up to?

- Shh.

Let's see. What else

can I shapeshift into?

Oh, I know.

Stand back, superheroes,

or I'll chainsaw you,

as soon as I learn how to

pull my own starter cord.

This is lame.

I wish I could be a real villain.

Poor kid can't even pull his own cord.

I feel so bad for him.

He never even got a

villain name or a suit.

Aw, listen to you thinking about

someone other than yourself.

I have to do it every once in a while

to make the selfishness pop.

You know, all he wants

is to be a villain.

There's got to be a way

we can make that happen,

- even for a day.

- Look, I feel bad too

but we're on the run so we can't.

Hey, at least he's not sitting

around playing with the rats.

Randy?

Is that you, old friend?

Yeah, we got to help this kid.

It's good thing I'm here to help you

get ready for Mr. Tennyson's visit.

I found your weird

devices all over the house.

Yeah, I don't feel safe

without a face melter handy.

I got two next to the toilet.

These things melt faces?

Everyone but this one.

It's out of batteries.

Hey, do you have any

batteries I can borrow?

There.

There.

There.

Now everything around

here looks presentable.

Whoa. That hair is

even too big for Texas.

I got rid of the laundry.

And now the dryer is

affecting other things.

You know what? I'm sure we

can fix it with some hair gel

or a bucket of hair gel.

Or forget the gel and

just go with a bucket.

It's not just my hair.

Ouch.

Isn't your power to control electricity?

Usually I can, but when

the weather is this dry,

everything I touch gets

a huge static shock.

On the plus side, I can roast

a chicken with my bare hands.

- Oh, he's here.

- Okay. I can fix this.

I'll go to the lair and

create a microclimate machine

that can add humidity to the air.

So a humidifier?

No, a microclimate machine.

What's the difference?

This one will have more buttons.

So this is my big surprise?

School on a Saturday.

I canceled plans with

Randy the Rat for this.

I'm out of here.

Halt, evil doer.

It is I, The Honorable Captain Valor,

and I'm here to make you pay

for your villainous crimes.

Hey, Jake.

How did you know it was me?

Same shoes, lame costume,

and I never met him before but

I'm pretty sure Captain Valor

doesn't wear Harry Styles cologne.

He might.

- Jake, what is this?

- It's what we talked about,

Colby's villain experience.

Well, who gave you total

control of the planning?

- You did?

- You literally said

take care of it. I don't wanna do

- any of the work.

- Yeah.

That does sound like me.

What do you mean my villain experience?

We knew you were bummed about

never getting to be a villain,

so Jake and I wanted to give you a break

from your otherwise pointless life.

And congratulations, Colby.

You just completed

your first villain deed,

breaking into private property.

The door was unlocked.

We just opened it and walked in.

I mean, that's not even

breaking and entering,

that's just entering.

Well, the cleaning

crew just went on break.

So time for us to have some fun,

ooh, but not too much fun,

we don't wanna make a mess for them.

I'm going home to play with the rat.

No, Colby, wait.

We brought you here to be a villain.

So go ahead.

Knock this clown on his butt.

Really? I could take all my years

of frustration out on Jake?

Yup. And you can take some of mine, too.

Okay. What can I shapeshift into

that'll hurt him the most?

A rocket launcher? Or a flame thrower?

A picture from his leather pants face.

You know what? Why

talk about hurting him

when we could just do it?

Amy, you're supposed to let him do it.

Sorry.

I'm not sorry.

Okay. So if we're gonna play that game.

How about a little villain training?

Since you've ever been

in a battle before,

here's a tip, best way to

att*ck your opponent is

to catch them off guard.

Good one.

But here's a better one.

Aw, even the losers got a trophy.

That's it. You're going down.

I'm gonna use that

cape to mop the floor with you.

Please don't, it's a rental.

Let's do this.

I thought you said this was about me?

Not now, Colby. The

grown-ups are fighting.

Uh-oh.

Looks like the cleaning crew

is gonna be working overtime.

- Colby, are you okay?

- No, he's not okay.

You just att*cked an innocent child.

Well, I was aiming

for you, so technically

it's your fault for

jumping out of the way.

You're both to blame.

Now, could someone please

do something about my

leg? It really hurts.

Should we take him to the hospital?

We can't. They'll ask too many questions

that can expose our secret.

Plus hospitals make me feel guilty.

I've put a lot of people in them.

Why doesn't Colby just

shapeshift into an animal

and we take him to the vet?

I mean, I have caught him

on more than one occasion

licking himself.

That's actually not a bad idea.

That way they can fix his

leg without us getting caught.

No way, I'm not doing that.

Okay. And I'll just fix your leg.

Ow!

Okay.

But if I'm gonna turn into an animal,

it's gonna be something rad.

Hi, we're here to

have our pet looked at.

Okay. What kind of animal is it?

It's a bobcat.

We don't take bobcats.

Oh, well, in that case it's a

No, no.

Ew, no.

No.

That works. It's a turtle.

A lovely cheese spread

as always, Mr. Tennyson.

You could tell I care

because I added grapes.

Uh-uh. Not for you.

So, where are Mr. and Mrs. Mayhem?

The cheddar is sweating.

I'm sure they'll be out any second.

Really? Because it feels like

they're trying to avoid me.

The last people who tried to avoid me

turned out to be smuggling

counterfeit yoga pants

out of their basement.

And what happened to them?

I called the authorities,

now they're in jail

and I'm doing tree pose in style.

They thought they could

pull one over on me. Wrong.

I'm gonna go check on Mrs. Mayhem.

If you're looking for a

hiding spot, that ain't it.

You have to get out there.

Mr. Tennyson just told

me he put the last people

who made him suspicious behind bars.

But Vic's machine isn't done yet.

I still can't control my power.

Just cover your hair.

Right.

And don't touch anything.

Right.

Sorry.

I got it now.

- What does this do?

- No.

No. Uh-uh.

Not for you.

Oh, hello.

Oh, Mrs. Mayhem. Finally.

Allow me to officially welcome

you to the neighborhood.

Oh.

Why don't we just sit?

So tell me about these cheeses.

Well, they weren't aged when I got here

but they are now.

Now, on the left, we have a hard cheese,

which I really, really love.

I also brought a wide

selection of Italian cheeses,

my particular favorite. I have Burrata.

I have Pecorino.

I have Romano.

I have got some Gouda over here.

Of course, I have some Gorgonzola.

Some people pronounce it Gorgonzola

but I think they're absolutely wrong.

You know what? I've never asked

if your lactose intolerant.

You know, one time I did

bring a cheese platter

to somebody had a stomach issue.

It was a complete disaster.

But of course, I have a

Brie, which is very still.

Everybody loves Brie and grapes

in case people don't like cheese.

And I heard you were English

so I brought a Stilton.

Oh, well. Oh, you're the cleverest.

Uh-hmm. Do I smell smoke?

Nope.

No. That's just my smoking hot husband.

No argument there.

Hey, Mr. T. Great to see you again.

You should be good. The

climate machine is done

and I've dialed it to maximum humidity.

Woo! Is it always this balmy in here?

Uh, yeah. We like a moist living room.

Who says that? No one says that.

I think it feels, kind of, nice.

Come on.

How long does it take

to fix a turtle leg?

Well, Colby can be shy.

Maybe he won't come out of his shell.

Excuse me?

Any chance you could put him down?

- How is he?

- Your turtle is fine.

It's just a small leg sprain.

Are you sure?

He seemed pretty shell shocked.

Kid, my job is hard enough.

Jake, just pay the lady

so we can take our turtle

and get out of here.

I'm sorry but I can't let you do that.

Why not? I thought you said he was fine.

He is but in Texas,

that turtle is considered

to be a rare breed,

which means, you can't

keep him as a pet.

I'm sorry but animal control

is on their way to pick him up.

We can't let animal

control to take our brother.

Well, we could.

I'm just saying that

one time Dad accidentally

lost him at the mall.

It didn't really seem like an accident.

We have to sneak past that assistant

and get him out of here

before they show up.

Pfft. I got this.

Help! The raccoon is eating my face!

The raccoon is eating my face?

You know, I work dark. Let's go!

- Colby, where are you?

- Over here.

How do we unlock this thing?

The locks are all controlled

by that computer over there.

Looks like we'll need

a five-digit password.

- Crazy day, huh?

- I know right?

- Someone's coming. Hide.

- Oh, by the way,

I talked to animal control.

Not gonna work. Not gonna work.

Animal control should be here

any minute for the turtle.

By this time tomorrow, this little guy

will be at the sanctuary in Costa Rica.

What?

Did that turtle just

I need a day-off.

Get me out of here!

I can't go to Costa Rica.

All my videogames will be

in a different language.

That's all you care about?

Pretty much.

Jake, just use your super

strength to bust the cage open.

I can't. The sign says

the alarm will go off.

Well, you better do

something fast. Look.

We definitely have to get him out.

Do you know how much money we will make

on selling him to the circus?

Ugh, this humidity is ridiculous.

The one day I didn't wear

a shirt with mesh vents.

Don't worry. It's just the A/C.

Mr. Mayhem is working on it.

Okay. I tweaked the unit.

This place should be cool in no time.

I can feel the breeze already.

Oh! That A/C is powerful.

Refreshing.

This is it.

I don't know what's

going on at this house.

But something's not right.

No. Everything's fine.

Whoa!

Just melt my face.

I can't watch anymore of this.

So my real head is on a turtle's body?

Oh, wait till I tell the rat.

Must be the side effects

of getting your powers.

Not gonna lie. I, kinda,

like you better like this.

- With a turtle body?

- No. In a cage.

Thanks to you. I might be stuck in one

for the rest of my life.

Don't worry. We'll get you out.

We just need to figure

out this password.

Try 12345.

Pfft. Rookie. No one uses that.

Lucky for you, Dad taught

me a little thing or two

about cracking passwords.

Wrong cage! Wrong cage!

I'm telling you. Try 12345.

Quiet, Colby. I got this.

I'm the one who taught

Dad how to cr*ck passwords.

For an evil genius, he

gets locked out of his phone

way too much.

Wrong cage. Wrong cage.

Are you doing this on purpose?

The first one, no. The last two, yes.

Doctor, animal control is here.

Guys, I'm begging you. Just try 12345.

Fine.

Oh, look at that. I did it.

All right. Hurry up and shapeshift back

so we can get out of here.

Oh, ow.

After you get out of the box.

Okay.

What kind of air-conditioner

do you people have?

I'll go turn it down a bit.

Or not.

What's going on?

So much for staying under the radar.

It's a dust devil!

My machine didn't make that happen,

even I'm not that good.

I think it's Colby!

Oh! Well, I made him so I am that good.

It sucking off all the wind.

I have seen enough.

That was no A/C problem.

I know exactly what's going on here.

- You do?

- No!

But your husband kept leaving

the room every five minutes.

Suspicious.

I smell smoke and you

pretended there wasn't any.

Suspicious.

And your living room was steamier

than a tropical

rainforest in the summer.

Suspicious.

Now, I may not be able to

get to the bottom of this

but the police will.

Not so fast, sir!

You've just been pranked!

- Pranked?

- Yup.

Uh, we like to prank our neighbors

to show them how fun we are.

I mean, you didn't really think

there was an actual dust devil

in our living room, did you?

Because that'd be that'd be crazy.

I know what I saw. At

least, I think I do.

Should the head of

the neighborhood watch

really be saying he

thinks he saw something?

Because that sounds suspicious.

- I see what you did there.

- Uh-hmm.

I mean, once I post this video online,

it's gonna get thousands of likes.

You are gonna be a

social media sensation.

Really? Me?

A star?

I've never been the star of anything.

I can't wait to call my sister Lulu

and rub it in her face.

You know, when I first met this family,

I thought you were all a little weird,

but now I see you're

actually a lot of fun.

We need that around here.

What about me and grandma? We're fun.

Sure, you are.

I'm gonna go home, put on a silk robe,

pour myself a nice cold cup of something

and wait for Hollywood to come calling.

- That was incredible, Colbs.

- That was amazing.

You just saved us all. He's a superhero.

Way to ruin the moment, Hartley.

Colby, we're sorry about

what happened today.

Yeah. We tried to give you

a true villain experience

but it didn't go quite as we planned.

It's okay. I appreciate you guys trying.

I just have to face the

reality that we're here now.

And I'll never get a chance

to be a true supervillain.

You guys really messed up today.

Hey! They aren't the only ones.

It's about the kids right now, Eva.

I feel bad. We were

supposed to be giving him

- the best day of his life.

- Yeah. I know.

I wish there was something we could do.

Maybe there is.

All right. Come on out.

- What do you think?

- I love it.

Was I supposed to wear underwear?

I never do.

And along with your

fancy new villain suit

comes your official villain name.

Allow me to introduce

everyone to Flashform!

Oh, before we forget your new suit

comes with this helmet.

Wow.

Now, you're officially one of us.

Our supervillain family

is finally complete.

Great. Now, let's take these things off

and get back to our boring new lives.

An official supervillain.

Yes!

I think the helmet's stuck.

I can't get it off.

Mom?

Dad?

Randy!