01x09 - Battle for My Brother

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Previously, on
The Villains of Valley View.

Still mad because Starling
kicked your butt?

She did not kick my butt.

I might've kinda sorta lost
to Starling

and now my fury over it
consumes my entire existence.

What are you doing
with Starling's autograph?

And how does she know
who you are?

You're Chaos.

Promise you won't tell my family
about this, especially Amy.

Starling, look out.

You just saved her life.

Could I maybe get your number?

I should probably take
yours too, you know,

just to make sure you're
staying on the right path.

[upbeat music playing]

That is a good one.

Okay. Sounds good.

Yeah, talk soon.
Okay. Bye-bye.

Hey, Jake.

Were you just talking to
who I think you were talking to?

Yup. Starling.

HARTLEY: Starling?

Oh. Well, I thought it was
the middle aged guy

from tech support who you
oddly became friends with.

Dennis?
No, I talked to him earlier.

Good news, I convinced him
to ditch the hairpiece

and embrace the bald.

Well, did Starling ask about me?

Not by name but she did tell me
to say hi to my weird friend.

That means she remembered me.

We've been talking every day

since we went
to our commercial sh**t.

And tonight, she wants
to meet up in person.

Oh my gosh, tonight?
Really?

Oh, that's amazing.
What am I gonna wear?

Well, how about pajamas?
Because you're staying home.

This is the first chance
Starling and I

have had to hang out alone
and I wanna make it special.

So we're going to a junkyard.

Sounds romantic.

Was the sewage plant
all booked up?

It's special because that's
where we had our first battle.

I threw a rusted out engine
block at her

and she stopped it midair
and threw it right back at me.

It was magical.

But anyway, I need you
to cover for me with my parents,

and more importantly Amy.

Oh, no.

I already feel guilty
about keeping a secret from her.

She's my best friend and she
wouldn't keep secrets from me.

- Yeah, she would.
- Yeah. You're probably right.

But I don't like
doing it to her.

Neither do I.

I'm not gonna keep
this from her forever,

just until I can find a way

to make her see
the Starling that I see.

You know, the one she won't
wanna toss off a tall building.

Fine.

But the stress of keeping
this secret is getting to me.

I'm starting to lose my hair.

I mean, the shower drain
looks like it's wearing a wig.

Come on,
you can stay for dinner.

And do you mind
wearing a hairnet?

I don't know what's going on.

But I'm gonna find out.

[upbeat music playing]

*THE VILLAINS OF VALLEY VIEW*
Season 01 Episode 09

Episode Title: "Battle For My Brother"
Aired on: July 22, 2022.

Does your family always have
pancakes for dinner?

Well, we can't break
the law anymore.

At least let us break
the rules of breakfast.

Hey, where's Colby?

I don't know.

Ever since he shape shifted
into a fly,

I've had the toughest time
keeping tabs on him.

COLBY: I'm down here
avoiding your fork.

[gasps]

What are you doing
in my pancakes?

Get your own.

I wish I could,
but I'm stuck in the syrup.

Fine. I'll just eat around you.

- Hey, Amy.
- Hey.

Everything okay?

Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

Do you know something
I don't know?

Because if you did,
you could tell me.

Doesn't matter what it is.

I mean,
we're best friends, right?

Of course.

Good.

Well, careful.

Your hair is shedding
all over your pancakes.

So what's everyone
doing tonight?

Well, I'm off to the mall
to hang out at the food court

and check out
the surfboard store.

Yup, taking up surfing,

totally normal teenage boy
in Texas stuff.

Bye.

What about you, Hartley?

[chuckles]

These pancakes are so good,
I might just eat them all night.

Well, I'm gonna go get a burger.

This whole breakfast for dinner
thing is, uh, it's really weird.

VIC: I did it.

I've been up
for three days straight

but I finally found a way
to stop Colby from being trapped

in a random shape shifting cycle.

We're gonna get our son back.

Ooh, pancakes.

COLBY: Dad, stop. It's me.

Oh.

Well, hurry up
and swim out of that syrup.

Daddy's hungry.

[upbeat music playing]

VIC: All right, ladies.

Say hello
to my amazing invention

that's gonna turn Colby
fly here back to normal.

The first ever
Molecular Re-Atomizer.

I haven't slept since Wednesday,
clap for me.

[applause]

COLBY: You know what I need
to clap? Human hands.

Get on with it.

Okay.

Here we go.

Wait.

Are you sure it's safe
for us to stand this close?

Sure. Just cover your face

so your eyeballs
don't melt out of your skull.

- Seriously?
- No, I'm joking.

Or am I?

I am.

- Are you?
- I am not.

Okay.

Here we go.

[whirring]

COLBY: What the... it tingles.

Okay. Now it burns.

Huh. The tingle is back.

It worked.

I mean, why wouldn't it?

My baby is back.

[chuckles]

Oh.

Better hold up on the hugs.

You haven't showered
for a month.

Good to have you back, bud.

It's good to have a back, dad.

And man, I cannot wait
to stretch it out.

[grunts]

Sorry, son.

The machine is still
restructuring your DNA,

so you're gonna have to stay
in there a little longer.

Which will give us time to go
pick you up a cake to celebrate.

We couldn't decide between
welcome back to your body

or congrats
on being normal again,

so we're just gonna swipe one

from the neighbor's
retirement party.

You can't do that.

He's old.

Probably wouldn't
even know it's gone.

I'll wait with you, Colby.

Do you want anything?

Yeah. Actually,
I'm kind of thirsty.

Could you grab me that water?

Oh. No, no, no, no.

What kind of evil lair
doesn't have paper towels?

Oh, no.

What's wrong?

Why do I sound like this?

And why do I feel
taller and thicker?

I've got bigger everything.

I think the water
shorted out the console

and it made you older.

Look.

That's me?

Whoa. I'm a major hottie.

Yeah. I mean, no.

I mean, ew. [Chuckles]

I mean, I gotta fix this.

[beeping]

Come on, dumb machine,
turn it back.

Good idea, Hartley.
If things take a bad turn,

just start hitting
random buttons.

[beeping]

Is it working?

Why do I feel the sudden urge
to second guess my life choices

and spend all my savings
on a sports car?

Probably because of this?

[groans] Now I'm old.

What happened to the hottie?

I know.

His eyes were so dark
and soulful,

I could just get lost in them.

I'm just gonna keep
pressing buttons.

[upbeat music playing]

[dog barking]

Sorry, I'm late.

Probably should've chosen
a junkyard

with less angry guard dogs.

I thought they were
kind of sweet.

But then again,
everyone's sweet to me

because, you know, superhero.

- It's good to see you again.
- You too.

So, now what do we do?

I thought we were gonna go get
ice cream but this is a choice.

Come on, we had our first
battle in the junkyard.

I was being sentimental.

We also fought
on a tropical island.

We could've met there.

What was that?

The dogs are back

and they can smell my fear.

[tense music playing]

Amy.

Guess I didn't get the invite.

[upbeat music playing]

Jake, get away from her.

How'd you know I was here?

I overheard your conversation
with Hartley.

You're lucky I got here
just in time.

In time for what?

To save you.

I'm sorry, who are you?

- His sister.
- Wait.

You're Havoc?

Girl, you had me fooled.

- Amy, I can explain.
- AMY: No need.

At first, I was upset
but then I thought

of course I can
trust my brother.

He'd never meet with my nemesis
behind my back on purpose.

I mean, supervillains
don't hang out with superheroes.

She's clearly taking advantage
of nice guy Jake for one reason,

to lure you into a trap.

It's not a trap.

And you know who'd say that?
A person setting a trap.

[grunts]

Well, if you're gonna
start something,

I'm gonna end it.

- Not this time.
- Stop fighting.

You're gonna attract the dogs.

There's one advantage
I've always had over you, Havoc.

I can fly and you're stuck
on the ground.

That's where you're wrong.

Whoa.

When did you learn
how to do that?

Just now.
Lucky for me it worked.

[grunts]

Starling.

Yup.
Still working on the landing.

Jake, get out of the way.

No, Amy.
This has gone way too far.

AMY: I mean it, Jake.
Get out of the way.

It's time for me to finish this.

[grunts]

Amy!

[upbeat music playing]

Aging 30 years in a day
has me so confused.

I don't know whether to play
Little League or coach it.

[gasps] There you are.
Where have you been?

Well, Gara's retirement
bash got canceled,

so we had to improvise

and steal a cake from some
kid's birthday party.

Won't be a happy birthday
for you, Johnny.

Who's this?

It's me, Colby.

- What?
- Oh, no.

I kind of spilled
on your console

and then everything sparked

and then he turned 20 and then
I started pressing more buttons

and then he turned into that.

Mom, can you please
make me a sandwich?

And don't forget
to cut off the crust.

It is Colby.

My son is older than me.

Fix this.

I'm on it.

I'll be in the lair.

Hello, Celia.

Robert, you really
don't have a problem

with your lady just waltzing
into tenant's homes?

Hey.

I may be the chief of police

but she's the chief
of everything else.

Taught him that
on our first date.

What are you doing here,
grandma?

I came to tell you that Robert
and I are going dancing.

Salsa dancing.

Things are gonna get
hot tonight.

Okay.

Now you two have fun,
and then bye.

Who's this?

You don't have someone else
living here, do you?

- No, he's actually...
- The plumber.

[chuckles] He's a plumber.

That's his job.

That's what he does
for a living.

Yup. He plumbs.

I know you're new at lying

but that was more lie
than we needed.

I didn't call a plumber.

It was an emergency.

A leaky faucet emergency.

Why didn't you call me?

Because I knew you were getting
ready for your date with Robert.

Oh, okay.

Did I mention
we're going salsa dancing?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Hold on a minute.

If you're a plumber, let me see
your plumber's license.

- You can't.
- Why not?

Because I left it
back at the shop.

Mmm-hmm.

There's a ring of scam artists
around town

pretending to be plumbers
to swindle money out of people

and he could be one of them.

No one scams me
or my granddaughter.

No, I swear I'm legit.

I think we should stick around
to make sure.

We might have to delay
salsa dancing.

That's okay.

The only thing more romantic
than salsa dancing

is shaking down scammers.

Can I interest anyone in
a young child's birthday cake?

[upbeat music playing]

Did you seriously just
protect Starling over me?

What is going on, Jake?

A few months ago back
in Sintropolis when I was Chaos,

she saved my life.

If it wasn't for her, I might
not even be here right now.

He was dangling off the side of
a building and I pulled him up.

Girl power.

Sorry, continue.

All those times you asked me why
I was becoming a better person,

that's why.

Starling gave me a reason to.

So this whole time you acted

like you were trying to become
a better person

but it was also you could get
cozy with my nemesis?

No, it didn't start out
that way.

I went to ColossaCon
to thank her

and we've kind of been
talking ever since.

You told me not to go

because I would be putting
our family in danger

but you're the one who's been
putting us in danger

and for some superhero?

But she's not
just some superhero.

She's so much more than that.

I've been talking to her and if
you just got to know her and...

I do know her.

And I thought I knew you.

We never used to keep secrets
from each other but...

I don't think
I can trust you ever again.

We may share the same
villain blood but...

you're not my brother anymore.

Amy, wait.

[upbeat music playing]

Amy won't even talk to me.

I should've just told her
about us from the start.

We all make mistakes.

I mean, I don't because,
again, superhero.

I knew Amy would be upset

but I never expected
it would hurt her this bad.

Don't you have some kind of
time travel power

you can use to undo this?

[sighs] If I did, I'd go back
and get even

for that last sonic
blast to the ribs.

It really hurt.

Well, I'm sure my whole family
knows by now,

so looks like I'll be
crashing here for a while.

No.

You need to go home
and make this right.

How?

Now that Amy knows
that we're seeing each other,

- I...
- We were seeing each other.

What?

Look, Jake.

I like you a lot.

But I'm not in the business
of breaking up families,

even if you are villains.

No. I'll find a way.

We can work it out.

It won't be that easy
and we both know it.

We're from two completely
different places.

Places that don't understand
each other

and aren't willing
to work together.

And because of that,

it's too risky for both of us.

Please.

I've already lost my sister.
I can't lose you too.

I'm sorry.

But in time, you'll see this is
the best thing for both of us.

Goodbye, Jake.

At least it couldn't get
much worse.

[dog growling]

Okay. You know what,
bring it on, dogs.

Just kidding,
just kidding, just kidding.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay what?

Grandma, why don't you and
Robert give our plumber friend

a little breathing room?

There.

Now you can breathe.

Come on, Celia.

He's a stand-up guy.

I think you can trust him.

Why would I trust him?
I don't trust you.

You trust me, don't you, Cels?

I trust you to stay out
of my business.

ROBERT: I'm seeing too much
looking and not enough fixing.

[chuckles]

Why don't you
just start plumbing?

Hurry up down there.

This salsa queen wants to dance.

You know, some people say
I'm the Shakira of Valley View,

because these hips don't lie.
[chuckles]

- Lovely.
- Please hurry up down there.

COLBY: Hey, I think I did it.

[grunts]

Aha! I knew it.

He's no plumber, he's a fraud.

Come out from under there
so I can book you

for swindling these nice people.

[gasps]

Who's that?

It's me, the plumber.

Well, how long
were you down there for?

You know the plumber
we met earlier?

Well, this is his father.

Father?

Oh.

Yup. I'm his father.

That can't be.

I know I saw the other plumber
go under there

and he never came back out.

Well, to be fair, you have
had a lovely distraction

around you for the whole time.

What distraction?

This distraction.

Oh, right.

Yes, I did.

I guess that's why
I didn't see them switch.

You know, I'm sure
the plumber's father does not

take kindly to people
calling his son a scammer,

isn't that right, sir?

Start talking like an old man.

You bet your fanny that's right.

I built my plumbing business
with my bare hands

back in the 1800s.

- 1900s.
- 1900s.

I will not stand for anyone

calling my son
or my business a sham.

All due respect, sir, we was
just trying to make sure...

Gobbledygook.

The only crime my son ever
committed was working too hard.

[scoffs]
I'm hungry.

When do I get pudding?

My apologies, sir.

I certainly do respect my elders
and I appreciate the history

you built here in Valley View.

Well, good.

- And you.
- Slow your roll, pops.

You don't wanna try
that with me.

Finally.

Now I can get down to the lair

and work on getting
our son back.

And it looks like I'm off
to buy some pudding.

The smooth stuff.

Anything crunchy
sits in me like a rock.

Oh, hello?

Are you forgetting something?

Oh, right.

Well, if I got to fix
the old man, you gotta fix that.

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, Amy.

Where were you?
I've been texting you for hours.

Don't.

I know everything.

Oh, I've been at the junkyard
with Jake and Starling.

Oh, boy.

How could you keep this
all a secret from me?

Look, I'm sorry.

I was just trying
to protect everyone.

Jake is my friend too.

And when a friend asks
to keep a secret, I do it.

You know,

for the first time
in my life, I thought

I actually made a real friend.

Someone who'd be there
for me, have my back.

But you're just as bad as Jake.

Amy, please.

I didn't even wanna keep
this secret at all.

But you did.

You know, I never wanted
a best friend in the first place

and...

now I know why.

She knows.

Yeah.

Well, how do we fix this?

Honestly, Hartley...

I don't know if we can.

[dramatic music playing]

Well, Colby,
the good news is I am a genius

and I'll find a way
to get you back.

The bad news is you'll have
to wait until Friday

so you can buy us movie tickets

with your
senior citizen discount.

We'll need you
to buy us popcorn.

We'd share it with you

but it might get stuck
in your dentures.

Hey.

At least now
I'm old enough to drive.

Oh, now you're too old to drive.

That's a bummer.

Well, at least
I'm old enough to drive.

Oh, sweetie.

Why don't you take a nap?

Come on.

Don't forget
to take his teeth out.

[upbeat music playing]