08x11 & 08x12 - Doomsday/Dumb Design

[bunniefuu]

Whoa, this gonna be cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Heh heh.

Yeah, we gotta try this.

[Both snickering]

We interrupt this presentation for a news 7 special report.

- Aah! - Damn it, Beavis.

Change it back.

I didn't do this.

And the scene here, miguel, is positively apocalyptic.

A freight train has derailed, causing a potentially toxic gas leak.

As a precaution, a 20-block radius of North Highland Is currently being evacuated.

Uh, I think this is, like, the news.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Pounding on door]

Everyone out! This is an emergency evacuation! Damn it.

What's going on out there? Yeah, yeah.

Heh.

Tryin' to watch TV! Yeah, really.

Heh.

It's probably that census dude again.

Oh, yeah, heh.

He's a real butt hole.

He said, "head of household.

" Yeah.

[Both laughing]

Come on, people, move it along.

[Helicopter, sirens]

[Pounding on door]

No one home here! I'm now being forced to evacuate this scene of utter apocalyptic devastation.

Miguel, it feels like we are in the center of hell.

Hey, Butt-Head, what does "apopaliptic" mean? Uh, I think it means, like, when it's the end of the world.

Like in that movie.

Whoa, heh.

Uh Maybe.

Let's go check it out.

Uh Okay.

[Both laughing]

Yeah, maybe this'll be cool.

[On loudspeaker]

This is your final warning.

All residents must evacuate the area.

[Horn blares]

This is your final warning.

All residents must evacuate the area.

Whoa, heh, how come it's all quiet and stuff? - Huh huh.

- Where is everybody? Uh Oh, yeah.

I think, like, part of the end of the world is that, like, everybody's dead.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Heh.

Wait a minute, uhm Are we dead? Uh I guess not.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Whoa.

Hey, Beavis.

I just thought of something.

If everybody's dead, but we're not dead, you know what that means? Uhm, heh No.

We are the last people on Earth.

Whoa, really? Heh heh heh.

We can go anywhere and do anything.

Yeah.

Yeah, anything.

There's no one to tell us what not to do.

Yeah, there's there's nobody to say, "No, no, no.

Don't burn that.

No.

No, no.

Don't set that on fire, no.

" [Both laughing]

BeavisThe world is ours.

Yeah, heh.

Yeah.

[Peppy pop music plays]

[Glass clanking]

[Sizzling]

[Slurping]

It doesn't get any better than this, Beavis.

Heh heh.

Yep.

The end of the world kicks ass.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Hey, Butt-Head, check it out.

We're rich! We don't need money, dumb-ass.

Everything is free from now on.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We can just, like, take whatever we want.

This is gonna be cool.

You know what I'm gonna do, Butt-Head? I'm gonna use every toilet in town.

Heh heh heh.

Uh Okay.

I may not even flush.

'Cause I don't have to.

I don't have to do anything.

Heh heh heh heh.

[Both munching]

I'm, like, full.

Ah, yeah, me too.

Uhm.

So what do we do now? Like, go home? No, butt monkey.

The world is ours, remember? We can live anywhere we want to.

Oh, yeah, heh.

Let's go live at Stewart's house.

Yeah, yeah, heh.

You know, I've always wanted to live there.

This is cool.

Too bad all the chicks are dead.

Yeah, yeah, but, uhm, least we got this.

Heh heh.

[Laughing]

And it's free.

[Clang, glass shatters]

Oops.

[Both laughing]

"Acopolypse" is cool.

Heh heh heh.

Yeah, but, like, if we're gonna live here, we can't have Stewart's stupid crap around.

Yeah, really.

[Glass shatters]

Yeah, we need to make it cool.

Yeah.

We won't be needing this.

Yeah, really.

Or this.

What kind of person buys one of these? [Glass shatters]

Yeah, this vase sucks too.

It's got a bunch of crap inside it.

Uh Whoa.

I think this is Stewart's grandma's ashes.

Heh.

You mean she put her cigarettes out in a vase? That's disgusting.

No reason for that.

Damn it, Beavis, you're making a mess.

Huh huh.

And you're getting on my nerves.

Why don't you go, like, live somewhere else? Okay, yeah, yeah, heh.

I'll go live at Anderson's.

Or maybe Todd's.

I bet that house is cooler than this house.

I'll live in both of them.

Yeah, I'll use all the bathrooms.

Whoa.

[Device beeping]

A chick.

Ohh, yeah.

[Both laughing]

[Beeping]

Huh? Uh Hey, baby.

[Both laughing]

Hey, how's it going? You two shouldn't be here.

Both of you, come with me.

Okay.

I see your spacesuit saved you from the apoc-co-blips.

Heh heh.

So, like, do you wanna, like, recopulate the Earth? Yeah, yeah, heh.

Yeah, we're the last two dudes left.

You have no choice.

Unit three to base, I just found No sign of stragglers.

Roger that.

We've got an all-clear anyway, so we're gonna start returning people to their homes.

Roger that.

Ah, da! No! Heh.

Damn it! We're the only two dudes left on Earth, and we still didn't score! [Muttering]

Whoa, heh heh.

This house kicks ass.

Heh, I'm just gonna go live in this house and spank my monkey for the rest of my life.

[Both laughing]

Yeah, this is gonna be cool.

2, 1, 2, 3, 4 This is, like, one of those commercials where you don't know what it's for.

What is it for? I think it's that one where the guy's, like, "when disaster strikes, you wanna be covered.

" No, no, that one has a guy who used to be president before Obama.

Eh.

[Both laughing]

Oh, it's another one of those boner drug commercials.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Heh.

"Every day, millions of americans can't get wood.

" "ask your doctor if Levita is right for you.

" Heh heh heh.

"Side effects may kick ass.

" yeah, heh heh.

"Levitan may cause excessive vomiting, "double vision, blurriness, dizziness, confusion" "And a boner that goes on for four hours.

" [Both laughing]

That would be cool.

Huh huh.

This is the coolest house I have ever seen.

Yeah, yeah, heh.

You know, like, if we can't score, at least we can live here.

Yeah.

Whoever used to live here ruled.

Heh, yeah.

[Ominous music]

[vehicle approaching]

Ahh.

[Southern accent]

Damn, it's good to be home.

- [Muffled]

Yeah! - What the hell? [Indistinct chatter from inside]

You know, it's cool that there's still TV after the end of the world.

I think that's great.

- Hyah! - Aah! Hey, get out of our house, butt hole.

I thought everybody else was dead.

Whoa, you're right.

He's a zombie.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Get outta here! I'm gonna k*ll you! Get the g*n, Beavis.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm on it.

Aah! Uhh! Get out of my house.

sh**t him between the eyes, Beavis.

Aah! Ah! Gah! [Blows strike]

Ah! Ow! Beavis - Aah! - Uhh! [Punches landing]

[Grumbling]

Boy, hmm.

Ah.

Uhh.

So, like, I mean, the world didn't end, did it? Uh No.

That sucks.

No wonder we didn't score.

Heh, heh.

Ow.

Yeah.

Whoa, check it out.

What happened? Such a sad statement on humanity.

People returning to their homes only to find their property looted and vandalized.

The devastation is incredible, miguel.

The scene here is positively apocalyptic.

Heh, sounds like somebody messed up stewart's house.

Yeah, huh huh.

And after we worked so hard to make it cool.

Yeah, that sucks.

Bung holes! Spare two minutes for god? Hi there.

Are you interested in going to heen? Beavis Butt-head.

Do you guys wanna join our demonstration? We're trying to stop them from forcing us to learn about evolution.

It's for a really cool cause.

Uh It doesn't look very cool.

Yeah, really, heh.

Hold on a sec, boys.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you really believe in evolution? Can you honestly say you understand it? Uh No.

I-I-I never could understand that crap.

It's so complicated, no one can.

My dad says the reason no one understands it is because it isn't true.

He says learning it in biology class isn't worth going to hell for.

Bottom line is, the positive-acting teens don't believe in evolution and don't think they should have to learn it.

Right, guys? All: Yay! Uh, so, like, if something's too complicated to understand, then we shouldn't have to learn it? That's right.

Cool.

Yeah, really, heh.

I don't understand half the crap they talk about in there.

way too complicated.

Yeah.

Maybe these people are cool.

Huh huh.

Huh huh.

[Cheerful music]

Good evening.

Tonight, Beavis and I will be discussing a wonderful and inspiring film called The Human Centipede.

Heh, yeah, yeah.

[chuckling]

In this movie, a german doctor surgically connects this chick's mouth to another chick's butt.

Then he connects that chick's mouth to a chinese dude's butt.

Yeah, heh heh heh.

Creating a siamese triplet called The Human Centipede.

Yeah, heh, yeah.

You know, it really is uplifting.

Yeah, heh heh.

Through this experience, They learn about cooperation, friendship, and life.

Yeah, and, um, heh, and they also learn what human butt tastes like.

[Laughing]

yeah.

I mean, at least two of 'em do.

Yeah.

[Both laughing]

That's uplifting.

[Laughing]

And now here's a short clip of The Human Centipede.

[Woman gasping]

A siamese triplet, connected via the gastric system.

Ingestion by "A" passing through "B" [Beavis and Butt-Head laughing]

Take this.

Excretion of "C.

" [Laughing]

That's the butt.

Yeah, heh.

Heh.

The human centipede.

Feed her! Feed her! Hard! Swallow it! Yo, Butt-Head, I'm I was thinking, you know, they're gonna make Sex In The City 3.

So, um, why not make it good? Why not have all those chicks go to germany and get lost in the forest and then the doctor from Human Centipede finds them, and then he sews them all together, butt to mouth, into one, big centipede! Heh, yeah.

[Laughing]

That would rule.

It would be two sequels with one movie.

It would be the greatest chick flick that has ever been made.

[Both chuckle]

"Feed her, Charlotte!" Heh.

"Feed her, Carrie! Feed her, Samantha!" [Both laughing]

[Cheerful music]

In all species, genetic traits are passed to offspring that allow them to survive better than their parents.

In this way, the process [Both mocking her]

So complicated.

Uh, hey, Beavis, that pat dude said if something's too complicated, we shouldn't have to learn it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Sighs]

Beavis and Butt-Head, do you have something to add to our discussion of evolution? Uh, yeah.

It's too complicated.

Yeah, and, I mean, and this guy right out in front of the school told us that we shouldn't have to learn it.

Yeah, that's right.

Let's get out of here, Beavis.

Um Guys? Oh, and, uh, you're going to hell.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's true, yeah.

The Pythagorean theorem can best be expressed With this equation.

"A" squared Oh, boy.

- Plus "B" squared.

- Oh, here we go.

Equals "C" squared.

Uh, huh huh.

Yes, Butt-Head? Uh, we shouldn't have to learn this.

Yeah, yeah.

Heh heh.

Uh, why not? 'Cause my uncle's not a monkey.

Yeah, heh, yeah.

That's right.

This is geometry, not evolution, 'mkay? Tell that to the lord.

[Irish accent]

But it shall go unanswered as you roam the fiery pit of damnation.

[Both chuckling]

You're going to hell.

Now, to start a wrestling match, one wrestler gets down on all fours, and the other wrestler mounts him from behind, like so! Whoa, you're Definitely going to hell.

Yeah, heh.

I don't understand that at all.

Yeah.

[Laughing]

I mean, you know, it's okay for you guys, maybe.

To each his own.

Damn it, Beavis! Butt-head! Get back here now! Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Hey, Beavis, let's go tell Principal Mcvicker He's going to hell.

Yeah, heh.

Yeah, really.

Heh.

What kind of a place is he running here? Hey, boys.

How come you aren't in class? Uh We got suspended.

Yeah, heh, because we refused to learn stuff that's too complicated to understand.

Just like you said.

You got suspended for your beliefs? This is exactly what we need to get our message out to the media.

Hold on, boys.

I gotta make a call.

Uh, for a guy who does cool stuff, he sure doesn't look very cool.

Eh, heh.

Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing.

Heh heh heh.

I am here live at Highland high school, where two local boys have taken a daring stand for their beliefs.

Now, tell us, what exactly happened? Uh, we're, like, not gonna go to school because they don't like our beliefs.

Heh, yeah, they never really did.

It's not that these boys don't want to go to school.

They fact is they were suspended for supporting our movement.

Heh heh heh.

He said "movement.

" Yeah, I've been suspended for that too.

[Laughing]

Beavis, Butt-Head, what led you to take such a strong stand against evolution? Uh, well It's like that dude says.

If you can't understand it, then it must not be true.

Yeah, exactly.

Heh, I mean, I don't understand it, and I'm stupid.

Heh, see? And, by the way, this incendiary issue will be taken up tonight at that town hall meeting.

Back to you, Miguel.

Miguel's going to hell.

Yeah, take the weather guy with you too.

Man, he sucks.

[Irish accent]

The Charred Walls of the damned.

Heh heh heh heh.

Is that Gandalf? Ooh, that's a good one.

Uh I think so.

Heh heh heh.

I didn't know they had homeless people in Middle Earth.

They've been trying to, like, escape from the shells.

They're alive? They gotta die sometime.

Eww.

Is everybody close by? I can call a meeting.

[Shouts]

Meet-iiing! [Laughs]

"meet-iiing!" First of all, to make sure That we're gathering respectfully.

These are the clams that ought to be respected, because they've lived a long time.

They have their genetic heritage to pass on to the young.

Boy, this guys has more rules than the army.

Huh huh.

A dirty, stinky, itchy, smelly army.

And beardy.

You know, it's a bunch of disgusting homeless people.

I just need to go and be in the forest right now.

Whoa, when did his shirt come off? Gonna sit and connect? Gandalf is ready to connect.

Eh, huh huh.

Eh, huh huh huh.

What are you feeling? Right now, a lot of shame.

I just went for a walk.

With the experience with the clams, I don't think any differently of you because of it.

It was the clams that made it hurt.

Can you pull up your inner resilience? [Butt-head laughing]

Yeah, and then you can pull my inner resilience.

Heh.

Hey, is anyone looking? [Giggling]

Gandalf will show you some shame.

Now go back to your tent and take off your clothes.

[Beavis laughing]

The other side keeps saying, uh, the "theory" of evolution.

Oh, boy, here we go.

As if all the scientific fact See what we have to put up with? Esteemed researchers and academics Tell it to someone who cares! Yeah, like satan.

Yeah, you can tell him when you're in hell! Uh, that's enough! Now, you two boys shut up! Before I come over there and do it for you! I think what these boys are trying to say is that our science classes should teach all possibilities for the origin of life.

After all, evolution is only a theory.

I agree with Max here.

Yeah, science is stupid.

Wait, that's not what I was saying.

See, that is exactly the kind of dangerous ideological thinking that could undermine not only years of scientific The fact is, you are going to roast in hell, 'cause you're not letting god [Crowd erupts in argument]

You're all going to hell! All of you! We don't accomplish anything like this.

Shut up! [Sighs]

Okay.

Since we can agree to disagree the only solution is to find a compromise that both sides are comfortable with.

Yeah, heh, yeah, they'll be comfortable in hell! Heh, yeah, heh heh.

Sorry about that.

[Chuckles]

So Thanks to Beavis and Butt-Head, you don't have to learn about evolution today, if you don't want to.

We're popular.

Yeah, yeah, heh-heh.

That's up.

Look's like no one want to.

Very well.

Then today you have to study this.

I only have one copy, so please, take detail notes.

- The theory of intellegent design - Uh - Wait a minute.

- Oh, boy.

I knew that maths guy wasn't cool.

Let's get out of here, Beavis.

- We're going to hell.

- Yeah.

Maybe there'll be not so bad.