08x15 & 08x16 - Used Car/Bounty Hunters

[bunniefuu]

Whoa, cool.

Hey, pizza face.

What? Oh, yeah, I guess I have a little acne-- Ow! Damn it.

Pizza face.

Pizza face.

Dumbass.

We're under the car's rear end.

Yeah, the car's butt.

Heh heh, hello.

To answer your question, Yes, this car does have new undercoating, yes.

So what do you think, guys? Can you see yourself driving this car? Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I could see that, yeah.

That would be cool.

I bet we could score.

Yes, yes, definitely my friend.

I must congratulate you both.

You picked a very good day to buy a car.

Yeah, we're smart.

Yeah.

Today and today only I can offer you 0% down.

Whoa, really? We have zero.

Yeah, we're gonna get a car, yeah.

We're gonna score, yeah.

This is gonna be cool.

Yes, yes, very cool.

Yes, yes.

Come inside, we talk about it, okay? No--oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

It looks like a bathing suit.

Mom, no.

Whoa, this chick's mom Might be a bigger slut than your mom, beavis.

She has better fake boobs, And that's not saying much.

Come on, butt-head, that's enough.

God gave me this body.

It's like-- God gave her that body? Yeah, god's like, "don't drag me into this.

" I'm getting ready to pick some things out.

Me and theresa are gonna go take some pictures.

For where? For the playboy party.

For where? For the playboy party.

Mom, your underwear is showing.

I don't know why you keep doing that.

Come on, arch your back, more slutty.

More embarrassing for your daughter.

Yeah, yeah, come on, more embarrassing for your daughter.

More embarrassing, more embarrassing.

There you go.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's got my glitter.

My glitter! I don't have anything.

My glitter.

My little thing of glitter.

No, I don't have anything.

Nikki, you've had it before.

Mom, I don't have-- You better hand over that glitter.

I had sex with a clown to get that glitter.

Yeah, yeah, and the hat too, yeah.

Uh, that hat makes her look really old.

Yeah, and really stupid too.

Yeah, well, she's got to keep the light off her face.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, is this the playboy party she was talking about? Yeah, I thought, um-- I thought the playboy mansion Was, like, a little nicer and had a pool and stuff.

Yeah, I thought there'd be more chicks, though.

This is, like, just a bunch of kids and one old slut.

Mom! What? I'll flip you off right now.

Don't you dare.

Not while I'm here.

Not while I'm here, uh-uk.

I'll break it.

Now you just stay in your room While zour mom goes downstairs And does it with all your friends.

This has gone way too far.

This is the one girl that really deserves to be emo.

Okay, hamid, looks like you got A couple of gearheads.

These guys love being know-it-alls, So I want you to sad sack them.

Sad sack? Oh, yes, yes, sad sack Sad sack? Oh, yes, yes, sad sack Where I say, "mikey, he's a good salesman, "but not me, I cannot sell car.

"you know, I am so not good salesman.

You'll probably rip me off.

" Okay, tone it down a tad.

Remember, you're a loser, You just can't seem to sell a car.

You want these guys to think they have the advane So they let down their guard.

Hamid, it's showtime.

Go get 'em.

It is beautiful machine, yes? It has many rpms, you know? Dah, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what I'm saying.

Ugh, you see that guy mikey? He is a very truly good salesman.

But not me.

No, I have trouble selling car to no one.

I cannot sell car.

Hey, butt-head, maybe we should buy a car From that mikey guy.

Yeah, really.

How'd we get stuck with this dumbass.

He can't even sell a car.

Yeah.

Whoa, hold on, fellas.

I wanna make sure you get the best deal possible.

Let me have a word with hamid here.

Okay, these guys are gonna be tough.

We're not gonna fool them.

Just start negotiating.

Be tough.

Be a closer.

So you can see, the price is $3,000, But, you know, let's talk, you know? Tell me, what will it take to get you into this car today? Uh, you said something about zero.

Yeah, that'll work, yeah.

Zero-point-zero.

yes, very good.

I don't think my manager will go for that, But maybe I could give you, you know, Maybe $500 off this price.

Is good.

Uh, you're gonna give us $500 to take the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

We'll take it.

No, no, that's not what I meant.

No, I cannot do that, no.

Uh, hmm.

I don't know, butt-head, Are we still okay at zero? Uh, I don't know.

A free car doesn't sound so great After he was gonna give us $500 to take it.

Wait, but, no, I did not ever say-- I don't know, butt-head, I mean, you know, Zero dollars for a car, you know what I mean, That's not bad.

Damn it, beavis, gas is expensive.

Uh, I'll take, like, $250 from you To take this car, But that's, like, my final offer.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay.

Let's all settle down here, okay? This is getting a little, you know-- I'll tell you what, you need to see what this car can do.

You need to go for test drive.

How 'bout that? We go test drive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's drive this thing, yeah.

Yeah.

This is gonna be cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, you will see, this car, It handles very nice, you know.

It was driven by one little old lady one time.

You know, that's all.

Yeah, it smells like old lady.

Hey, you think anybody did it back here? Seems like it would be a good spot, you know what I'm saying? Yes, yes.

It is very nice, yes, yes.

So you are saying that you could see yourself Driving this car then? Uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I could see myself driving it with a chick.

And her boobs too.

Very good, very good.

Let's see what this baby can do.

No, no, no, no.

The car's already started, my friend.

Please, please.

Yeah, butthole.

You're gonna break it.

Okay then, if everybody's ready Then we will begin test drive.

Okay? Ready.

No, do not start the car.

Cool, do it again.

Do it again.

No, do not do it again.

No, this car is started.

Do not start it any more.

Come on, let's go.

Yeah, yeah.

Punch it! Yeah.

Uh, okay.

No, no! You did not put car in reverse.

That was cool.

Yeah.

Driving rules.

Before we leave miami, we are going on a road trip.

We are hitting up the everglades.

Got crocodiles, alligators-- They're gonna, like, go out to the everglades To see if they can go two hours Without having sex or fighting.

Oh, boy, I don't know if they're gonna make it.

They're like, "uh, do you have a smush room On this boat or whatever this thing is?" That airboat was serious.

Like, the propeller's huge.

I mean, that'd work better than my hair dryer.

Maybe instead of 25 minutes to do my hair, It'll only take me ten.

Yeah, I came up with that myself, You know what I'm saying? Where? Ohh! Where? Ohh! The crocodile's like, "oh, they're guidos.

They all taste like spray tan.

" Too much gristle.

Yeah.

After the airboat tour, We went to a little in-town cafe Where they had, like, crab legs and alligators And all kinds of stuff that you can eat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the stuff you eat.

Yeah, yeah, what's it called? You know, the stuff, it's like you eat it.

It's not drinks.

Food, yeah.

That's it, yeah, yeah.

All right, guys, dig in.

It's a frog.

Uh, this looks like that picture of the last supper But with guidos.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jesus d*ed for their tans.

What is that Oh! Uh, that was actually funny.

It actually was, yeah.

That's weird.

Why do you think I didn't eat the frog legs though? My turn.

No way, butt-munch.

I barely got to go anywhere.

No one will drive.

You have destroyed the car.

I am very sorry.

They crashed the car.

I'll deal with you later.

Boys, looks like you just bought yourselves a car.

Uh, no way.

Yeah, this one's all broken and stuff.

Yeah, I can't see myself driving it anymore.

Yeah.

We want a fresh one.

Uh, but I'm gonna have to ask you To give us a thousand dollars to take the new one.

Yeah.

Yeah, hamid already agreed To give us $500 for the old one.

Look at it now, you know? Whoa, hold on here.

That's not how it works.

You gotta buy this car Or I'm gonna hold on to your licenses And contact your insurance company.

Uh, we don't have licenses.

Yeah, or insurance companies.

You didn't get their licenses And proof of insurance? You're fired.

And you two, get off my lot And don't let me ever see you here again.

Hey, butt-head, check it out.

Pizza face! What? You missed.

Why-- Ow.

Cut it out.

Okay, dude, settle down.

We'll take $500 for it.

You drive a hard bargain, but we're in.

Don't make me kick your ass.

Uh, excuse me.

Could you tell me where the hoes are? Same place they were last week.

Aisle five.

That was cool.

Yeah.

Hoes.

yeah.

Whoa, hey, beavis, check it out.

It's dog the bounty hunter.

Whoa.

And that's beth, his wife with the big hooters.

Uh, dog.

Yeah, I get that a lot, brah.

Actually I'm a bouncer.

We follow the same code as bounty hunters.

I don't carry a g*n, and I don't do ice.

Hey, beavis, we should become bounty hunters.

Yeah, yeah.

And get chicks and kick ass.

Uh, hey, how do we become bounty hunters? Like I said, I'm not a bounty hunter.

But I do know if you go to the post office, They have pictures of all the most wanted criminals.

And if they're up there, The probably most likely skipped bail.

And if they're skips, They've got no constitutional rights, And you can pick them up and collect that reward.

Thanks, dog.

Hey, beavis, if we're gonna be bounty hunters, We need to get a g*n.

Yeah.

Yeah, and leather pants.

Oh, dog doesn't carry a g*n.

He uses industrial-strength pepper spray.

I'll show you.

Let's roll, brahs.

Uh, this first part of this song Sounds like that music they play at the olive garden.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but then it kicks ass later.

Yeah.

The olive garden kicks ass too.

Yeah, yeah, I like to go there And stuff my face with breadsticks 'cause they're free.

If you leave that place hungry, You're just stupid.

Yeah.

See, now this is the cool part of the song, yeah.

Yeah.

Remember when you asked that waitress At the olive garden to dance? And then she slapped you, And the manager threw you out.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That was cool, yeah.

She probably would have danced with me Because I have better moves.

No, you don't.

Check this out.

dun, dun, dun, dun Uh, your moves suck, beavis.

dun, dun Check this out.

No americano.

Yeah.

Dog was cool.

Yeah.

He's really down-to-earth in person, you know? Well, there's the pictures of the criminals.

We need to kick their asses and haul them downtown.

Yeah.

Look at 'em.

Real scum of the earth.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Have you seen this man? Yeah, any information can help, sir.

And you can, like, remain "amomymous" too.

Yeah, he's in europe right now for a summit.

Damn it.

Europe's, like, way over in russia or something.

Whoa, hey, beavis, look at this.

These fugitives look like wussies.

Yeah, yeah.

We could probably, like, get the whole g*ng.

Yeah.

Let's roll, beavis.

Yeah, brah.

Yeah.

This is the place, beavis.

This is a pretty crappy school.

Yeah, really.

No wonder these kids joined a g*ng.

Yep.

So young.

They had their whole lives ahead of them, you know? But we still have a job to do.

Yeah.

Yeah, a job to kick their asses.

Yeah.

You ready, brah? Um, yeah, shouldn't we pray? Dog always prays before they chase a skip.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Okay.

Uh, god is great.

God is good.

And we thank him for our food.

Okay, let's roll, beavis.

On the count of three.

One, two, three.

Hi, there.

Can I help you guys? Uh, you can help us by cooperating.

Yeah.

Everyone turn around And put your hands behind your back.

Okay, we're in the middle of a class.

You shoulda thought of that Before letting these kids start a g*ng.

That's right, brah.

Now we have to take them downtown.

We have no choice.

Uh, let this be, like, a wake-up call To turn your life around.

First of all, when you enter my dojo You pay respect by bowing.

And second, you keep your hands off my students.

Uh, sir, I think it's best If you just stand over there, please.

Butt-hole.

I don't wanna have to kick your ass, So you just step aside, Hiya! Ahh! Uh, okay, that's adding and abetting.

Uh.

Ow.

Damn it.

Class, allow me to demonstrate the dragon att*ck.

Ow.

Ow.

Cut it out.

Ow.

Ow! Hyah, hyah, hyah! Whoa, all those, like, crystal things And those funguses look really cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If nature looked like this, Maybe I wouldn't hate it so much.

I hate the forest.

White people.

You know, um, I was thinking, like, People couldn't even get any whiter And then, you know, I mean, look at this.

They are the whitest people I have ever seen.

I think this is music for, like, white people That have never had anything bad happen to 'em.

Like, they've never had adversity.

They decided to rebel against their parents By making even softer rock.

Yeah, yeah, don't express yourself too much, come on.

These guys were like, "that music in the elevators is too balls-out for us.

" If you, like, cut out all the music And then got rid of all these white people, This would make a really good screensaver.

Yeah.

Damn it, this sucks.

We couldn't even catch any of these skips.

Damn it.

Uh, I bet we could kick this guy's ass.

He's old.

You never should have jumped bail, Mr.

Post.

Uh, hey, what did this guy do? Oh, he's the postmaster general.

He runs the whole postal system.

How the mighty have fallen.

Let's go get him, butt-head.

I don't see him.

Maybe he, like, skipped the country.

Wrong, beavis.

I got, like, a 20 on him.

Check it out.

Are you sure that's him? Close enough, beavis.

At least I bet we can take him.

Uh, mr.

Post.

Randy That you? Us festival '84.

Whoo-hoo! Remember? Um, you're coming downtown.

Come on.

Downtown! Sounds like a party.

We can do this one of two ways.

We can kick your ass Or, uh, we can kick your ass.

Downtown is a few blocks.

Might be easier if you ride in my cart.

Tell it to the judge.

Yeah, come on.

Uh Uh, okay, we'll ride in the cart.

This is the end of the road for you, mr.

Post.

We're taking you to jail.

So, like, make a left here.

Jail! Excellent idea! We'll sleep this one off.

But the jail is this way, boys.

Oh, here we go.

Hope they got my regular cell.

Best toilet in the house.

Uh, that's, like, enough lip out of you.

Yeah, come on, move it.

Uh, hey, baby.

We're bounty hunters.

Check it out.

Yeah, yeah, we have a fugitive and everything.

See, look at him.

So, like, how 'bout our reward? You look like you have plenty of bounty.

Yeah, and booty too.

Excuse me? What did you just say to me? I'll have your butts kicked right out of here.

Uh, ma'am, don't make me use this.

Damn it.

It's stuck.

Uhh! Ahh! Make it easier on yourself.

Ow! Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh! Yeah, it's '84 all over again.

Ow!