01x06 - This Is My Enjoyment

[bunniefuu]

Can we watch "Star Wars"
tonight?

Yes. Yes, we can absolutely
watch "Star Wars."

I need to choose a charity
for my mitzvah project.

Oh, yeah.
Right, right, right.

Um, maybe something...
Something with animals?

- That's a good idea.
- Yeah.

- Dogs.
- Rescue?

- Yeah.
- I can do rescue.

Oh, that's a good idea.
We'll look it up.

And speaking of, uh, projects,
how are you feeling

with your STEM project,
Sol?

In the days that followed,

Toby found his thoughts
returning to the museum.

But not to Vantablack.

To his favorite permanent
exhibit,

the Hall of Human Origins.

Once, we had no language.

Just the raw materials
of a heartbeat,

some body hair,
and a couple of thumbs.

And then we walked.

And then we cooked.

And then we sent our children
to camp.

And then we had iPhones
and schools and hospitals

and toenail clippers.

Humans were built for survival.

He'd forgotten that
this summer.

But now he remembered.

To survive is to evolve.

To evolve is to move forward.

And to move forward
is to recover.

His recovery was slow at first.

I got the kids an appointment
to see a therapist.

You know, they need
to speak to someone.

They're too worried about me,
and I feel like

they can't really be honest
with how they feel, you know?

Yeah.
I'm not a go-to-therapy guy,

but I think
you should go to therapy.

These shades are, like,
melded to the wall.

No, I know.
It's insane.

Honestly, I don't even know,
like,

what talking
would do anymore.

I believe in therapy,
don't get me wrong.

I saw someone right after
we got separated.

But, I don't know, I want to,
like, move into the future

and I can't do that if I keep
talking about the past.

Toby, for real,
man, I can't remove these.

They're, like, welded into
the skeleton of the building.

The building will not
let them go.

"I'm nothing
without you, blinds."

"Not without my blinds."
"You want my blinds?"

"You can't
handle my blinds!"

Hey.
Yeah?

Uh, so I've been meaning
to tell you.

Yeah?

I'm gonna pop
the question.

I'm sorry.
Wait, what?

Yes. I've been thinking
about it a lot.

The day, uh, Vanessa
and I watched Bubbles,

I got this text from
a headhunter, and she saw it,

and, so,
I told her everything.

And it was all fine.

She understood.
She wasn't angry.

And I thought, like,
"Ugh, what kind of person

doesn't want that,"
you know?

Like, I get it now.

Sorry, I'm just, like,
so surprised.

Like, I don't know.
I just got here.

We were going to have, like,
so much fun together.

Yeah.
It was that night,

but, you know, uh,
my life is empty

and I feel like I'm getting
more and more desperate.

You are not desperate.

You are, like,
the king of the city.

You're, like, the king
of the night.

No, I'm just a guy who's getting
older and hasn't settled.

And, you know,
I would like a place.

I would like to belong
to people.

Really? Well, I don't.
I mean, I did and I don't.

Marriage is, like,
no guarantee of anything.

You still have a family,
you know?

I kept looking
at you that night

and thinking how lucky
you were to have a family.

And wondering what my life
might look like to you.

Uh, amazing.

Like, it looked amazing.
It was amazing.

Yeah.

I guess I don't know
that I want to be the guy

that you save for a night out
when you need it, you know?

That's not what
I was saying.

I know.
I know.

But those guys are, like,
10 years younger than me.

More, even.

And Brian's going to marry
the next person he dates.

That's how that is.

And I'm just going to be
this guy that, you know,

you can't really pin down.
I'm suspect.

Look at me, I'm divorced.
I mean, this is...

Yeah, but you still
made it through.

You passed some sort of
vetting process.

At some point in time, you were
part of the establishment.

And you still are.

And I'm just here still worried
about getting invited

to Thanksgiving dinner.

Well, I'll invite you
to Thanksgiving dinner.

No, I have plenty
of invitations.

But they do require me
being want able, you know?

And I'm saying that that is not
the same thing

as belonging somewhere.

I have no unconditional
invitations in my life.

Hmm.

You could be happy for me.

I was happy for you.

I'm sorry, man.
I don't know what to say.

I can't do this.

No, I know.
I tried all day.

It actually brought
me great shame

to even call you for help.

Do you think,
if we were Gentiles,

we could pull this off?

I don't know.
Maybe Bubbles could do it.

Bubbles, you're not Jewish,
are you?

I won't be shamed by you,
Bubbles.

We should be able
to do this.

I know. I think we should be
able to do this, too.

You know who could do it?
Jesus.

Jesus was a carpenter.
People often forget

that he was Jewish.
I don't.

I don't ever forget it.

He was starting to get
some kind of equilibrium.

None of
my friends are there.

Hey.
How was it?

Hi.
I hate the Y camp.

Yeah?

- Hi, Bubbles.
- Hi, Bubbles.

Hey, Bubbles.
Hi, Bubbles.

Can we study
for my haftarah?

Yes, please.
Go get it.

Okay. Come on, Bubbles.
Let's go study.

"'We hold these truths
to be self-evident!'

she shouted.
'That all men are created equal,

that they are endowed
by their creator

with certain
unalienable rights.

But that's exactly
what we have on Camazotz.

Complete equality.
Everybody exactly alike.'

For a moment, her brain
reeled with confusion.

Then came a moment
of blazing truth.

'No!' she cried triumphantly.

'Like and equal are not
the same thing at all!'"

Do you think
everyone is equal?

Um, yeah.
Of course I do.

But you don't like
Mom's friends.

N-No, Mom's friends
are the ones

that don't think
everyone is equal.

That's... That's why
I didn't like them.

You still think
they're bad.

Okay, you know,

you think maybe
it's time to go to sleep?

Is the spot
getting bigger, Dad?

He'd been finding his old
equanimity

poking through again.

Would you look at that?

It kind of looks a little
like Saturn, doesn't it?

Right, but is it okay for it
to be getting bigger?

Yeah, it's fine.

He was starting to return
to his resting pulse again.

"A picture flashed into her mind
of winter evenings

spent sitting before
the open fire

and studying
with her father."

He had been figuring out
what he wanted.

Well, hello, hello.

Hi.
N-N-N-N-No.

Unh-unh.
I'm taking you out, okay?

Toby. No, it doesn't
have to be to eat.

It can be a walk to the water
or a run to the bodega.

It is really nice outside.

Come on, don't you want to get
the hell out of here?

Are you crazy?
It is not nice.

It is 300°°. Come in.
I was going to order sushi.

No, let's go out. We can eat
sushi in public, okay?

Let's throw caution to the wind
and just be two

consenting adults
eating dinner.

Toby, I can't.

Sorry. I don't think you know,
like, how badly

I need something to be normal
right now, okay?

I do.
But, you know, my husband.

Yeah, he's not
your husband anymore.

Toby.
No, he's not your hu...

He doesn't get to be
your husband after you split up.

Can we just talk inside?
No, sorry.

Uh, I don't...
I don't know.

This is, like, so strange,
Na hid.

Sorry. A relationship that
starts in bed.

Usually, it's hard to get
a woman in bed,

not to get her
to go out to dinner.

I don't think this is
working out.

Okay.

Yeah, just, like, I want
something real, you know?

I...

No, I... I deserve
something real.

I know.

I'm sorry.

You're very nice.

It is just
too complicated.

Yeah.

Toby.
I like you.

Yeah, I like you, too.

Maybe one day.

I'm hoping for more immediate
relief than that,

but...

No.

He was learning
to set boundaries.

And then...

"Dr. Bartuck would like to see

you first thing
in his office."

Are we going to get
a lot of money?

Um, I don't know.

Are you going to get
a bigger office?

Hey, come on.
What's wrong with my office?

Okay.

Ah.
You know what?

What?

I'm... I'm proud of you.

You are?

Yeah.

Thank you so much.
Okay.

Okay.
All right.

Go get the promotion.
Let's go. Come on.

Yes.
It was all okay.

The body heals.

The liver regenerates.

The spirit heals.

It heals and heals and heals
until you're dead.

Hello.

Oh, come in, come in.

Thank you for
coming to see me.

Oh, of course.

I'm... I'm very happy
to be here.

Oh, well.
It's hot enough for you?

Where?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, I'm just going to say
it 'cause

there's no easy
way to do it.

It's about your position.

Someone job for hired
else we the.

I'm sorry, what?

Someone job for hired
else we the.

You it to go wanted
differently know I.

So did I.

Wait, what?
Who?

Outside hired
someone from here

they... they wanted
we new blood some in.

Wait, you're hiring someone
from outside to be my boss?

Be the to yes,
the subdivision head.

Look.

Nobody doubts your skill,

but they felt like you were
unwilling to give the time.

You've taken how many personal
days in the last three weeks?

I've worked here
for 15 years.

I had a...
I had a bad couple of weeks.

Well, you're
an excellent doctor.

Everyone agrees.

The rest didn't really matter.

Janice had some
serious objections

to Toby's appointment.

But, look, I...
I didn't say never.

If you start putting
in the face time,

you never know
what could happen.

Um, who... who got it?

If you don't
mind me asking.

Oh, sure.
H-His name is Aaron Schwartz.

He was up for
a subdivision head at Sinai.

We got him here.
He's a bright guy.

Very dedicated.
You'll get along.

No, I know him.
I went to, uh...

I went to medical school
with him.

Toby tried to pull it together,
but this time it was hard.

Aaron Schwartz?

Karen Cooper 911.

Subarachnoid hemorrhage,
evidence of herniation.

Karen Cooper
had suffered a rare

but not-unheard-of
result of surgery

that left her
with the kind of injury

that destroys a person's
ability to think

and breathe
and function in a body.

In other words,
Karen Cooper was brain dead.

I thought the liver
made her better?

You said that she was
getting better.

Yeah, I'm...
I'm so sorry, David.

So, uh, what do we do now?

What's... What's...
What's the next steps?

Well, it's...
It's a massive bleed.

There's evidence
of herniation.

It's, uh, it's an injury that's
very hard to recover from.

What's that mean?

It's hard
to recover from this.

I'm sorry.

People just don't recover
from this.

This isn't supposed
to happen to her.

To us.
This... This is not fair.

I know.
I know.

It shouldn't happen to...
To anyone.

I know.

This is just unacceptable.

Well, yeah, it's a tough blow.
I'm really sorry.

Who else can I talk
to about this?

Well, you've spoken
to Dr. Lintz.

No, I mean who is
the person in charge?

Who's your boss?

Sorry, it's just a very
unfortunate situation.

It's not like... I need to
speak to someone about this.

Someone who is actually
in charge.

It's just, it's not fair.

Fair?
Yeah, that's right.

This is not what I was promised.
It is not fair.

But Toby knew the truth. Okay, there's a
social worker that maybe you could speak to.

You haven't answered my
questions. Death is not unfair.

There is a social worker
on duty.

I will send the social worker
up for you.

It's life that's unfair.

Sorry,
I have other patients.

As if the David Coopers
of the world

really wanted to be part
of a system that's fair.

It didn't matter.
Because none of this was fair.

Toby was denied advancement

because he took care
of his children.

Toby's own son had
discovered p*rn

and his daughter was absent
a maternal figure

who could have
maybe prevented her

from getting
publicly humiliated

all because she was out

on some wonderfuckfest
with Sam Rothberg.

Piece of sh*t Sam Rothberg,
who wore nylon

Adidas pants with stripes
on the side on Sundays,

who had endless bets on endless
brackets for March Madness.

This was fair?
Dr. Fleishman?

Yeah, sorry. Just fine.
Is everything okay?

Yeah, I was just...
Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

But once David Cooper
put the notion

of fairness into Toby's brain,
Toby found it would not leave.

There are questions a person
shouldn't ask

because they're unanswerable.

Oh. Hello, Phillip.

Hey. Toby.
I'm glad I caught you.

Uh, I-I was wondering...
Yeah.

I'm applying for
the Plotkin fellowship.

Oh, in nephrology?

Yeah, and I wanted
to see if you

would write me
a recommendation?

But you're...
You're in hepatology.

Yeah, I want to be able
to run a gastro unit

and then a post in admin.

Dr. Bartuck says that's
the fastest path to the top.

Yeah, is that...
Is that why you do this?

To get to the top?

I do this because I'm a healer.
I hold life in my...

Hey, hey.
No, come on. I'm curious.

A man's worth is no greater
than his ambitions.

That's beautiful.
Is that a... Is that Whitman?

You know what?
Whatever.

Sure. Why don't you write it
yourself, and I'll sign it?

I wouldn't really know
what to say.

Thanks, Toby.

It's Dr. Fleishman,
okay, Phillip?

You call me
Dr. Fleishman.

Hi, Toby.

Hi.
Yeah, sorry.

I was just, um...

Hey. I heard about
the new subdivision head.

Yeah?
You were a candidate, right?

Uh, yeah.
I'm so sorry.

Just...
It doesn't make sense.

Oh, thanks.
Yeah, no, no, it's fine.

We talked about it,
but ultimately, I think

the thing I care most about is
patient interface, so...

Right. Yeah. You know, you
always have to be on guard

for the ways that,
you know, people want

to advance you out of the thing
you got into medicine for, so...

O-Of course, but, God,
losing sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.

Toby, I've learned more from you
than any other teacher

that they have
in this place.

Really?

Hmm. Sorry, that is such
a nice thing to say.

Oh, well, it's true, so...

That is so nice.

And I'm sorry.
You know, you were right.

You know, losing
sucks. Actually... I know.

I'm actually
so upset about it.

Yeah.
It's funny 'cause you, you know,

all these years,
um, you know,

Rachel, my... my ex-wife,
uh, she was always telling me

I wasn't ambitious enough.
And I would just say,

"I'm not an ambition monster,"
you know?

Right.
It's different.

And also, like, there's this
concept of enough, you know?

And it's weird.
I always thought it was crazy,

but, honestly,
this feels pretty bad.

Yeah, this has me asking a lot
of hard questions of myself.

Of course, but you know
that none of that

is your fault, right?

Hmm.
No.

Oh, my God, it's...
It's the fact that,

you know,
this world is stupid.

I-It values the wrong things,

but I have watched you
keep all your values

the same despite all these,
you know,

all these chaotic pressures
that are put on you.

And I really admire that.

I really want
to be like that.

No, when I...
See, when I first...

This was what he wanted.

Someone who cared.

Someone who could listen.

Someone who would root for him.

You can understand how,
given his recent months,

his recent years,
his recent hour,

just how much this kindness
meant to him.

Uh, would you maybe want to talk
about this more after work?

You know, maybe...
I don't know,

maybe I could take
you out to dinner or something.

Oh.
Um...

You know, I...
We have that...

I have that Hoffman sonogram
that you told me to check up on,

so I'm gonna go
do that right now.

Oh, f*ck.

Thank you,
Dr. Fleishman.

Yeah.

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, wow.

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, f*ck!

How was it?

Dad, why are you
walking so fast?

We're going out to dinner.
You got your promotion?

Is your office bigger? Actually, you
know what? I told them I didn't want it.

Yeah, I didn't want to deal
with office stuff all the time,

and I don't want to be
anybody's boss.

Being a boss is terrible
and then everybody hates you.

Come on.

Where are we eating?

Dad?
Yeah?

Dad, are you okay?
I'm fine.

I'm fine.
Just eat.

And then, his entire body
paralyzed by his first carb

intake in nearly 30 years,
it became very quiet again.

The thing is, he hadn't
even asked for a promotion.

He hadn't asked for this
particular rejection

in what was fast becoming
the worst summer of his life.

His rejection wouldn't matter
when he was fired

for being
a sexual harasser, anyway.

Jessica!
Dad!

Dad, Aunt Cherry's here.

Cherry.

What are you doing here?
Hi, Jessica.

Hi. It's Saturday.
You asked me to come.

What's wrong with you?
Saturday.

You said you had a party
to go to.

We talked about how nice
it would be,

just me and Jessica
and the kids?

Oh, God. Sorry.
No, there's no party.

I'm sorry,
I totally spaced.

It's been a... It's kind of been
like a bad week.

He didn't get
his promotion.

He didn't want
his promotion.

Sure, doofus.
Hey, show me your room.

Okay.
It's my room, too.

We got a dog.
Really?

Yeah. Hi. I'm sorry
it's such a mess.

It all just kind of, like,
accumulated.

You know, I dealt
with Rachel being gone.

I did... I handled that.
But then, I don't know.

I took my eye off the ball,

and suddenly,
everything else fell apart.

Ugh, please don't listen to me.
This is how I sound now.

Sorry, every time I'm, like,
almost back to normal,

something happens
and I just, like, I don't know.

I'm really sorry
you took the trip in.

You lost a promotion.
You're divorced.

Welcome to middle age.
The alternative was dying young.

Now tell me about
this party you're definitely going to.

Uh, it's a friend from my year
in Israel, Shana.

She and her husband, Mord,
have this, like, annual reunion.

I... I stopped going after
Rachel and I got married.

Then go.

I can't.

Sorry, I'm...
I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know how to, like,
present myself

to the world anymore.
You're divorced.

Most people are divorced.

Go take a shower.

Really?
Go.

- Okay, okay. I'm going.
- Go.

So Toby headed to the annual
get-together

from our year abroad,

the one I went to every year
and the one

Toby hadn't been
to in 15 years.

There you go.
Thanks.

In the intervening years,
the only get-togethers

he had been to were terrible
one's with Rachel's friends.

When he walked into
the Israel reunion,

he hadn't remembered that
the purpose of people

gathering was to be fun.

- We're here!
- Toby Fleishman!

- Toby Fleishman?
- Oh, my God.

- My God!
- Toby!

- Hi!
- Oh, look at this.

Can you even?

Oh, yes.
Oh.

Yes, the table works.

Ms. Rachel, this is amazing.

- Oh, thank you.
- Who did you use?

Yeah, actually,
we got the guys

who created Levitt own
to consult, so...

I don't know them.
Okay, well, no, it's a joke.

I'm just, you know, kidding.
Uh, Marisa McMazz.

Oh.
She's Miriam's person.

Yes, yes, yes. I love her. Yeah.

Did she make you
do the quiz?

She did.

Oh, wait.
Don't tell me.

Was it... Was it mid-cench?

It's mid-century.

Aah! I knew it!

Rachel Fleishman!
Mid-century!

I knew it.

So, Fleish, how are things
at the hospital?

Well, it's good, actually.

Yeah, we're getting
into crypto, so...

Wait, what is that?
Is that another joke?

That was a joke, yeah.

- Fleishman!
- I can't believe!

- Toby!
- Oh, Toby!

You look great.

It's so good to see you.

Oh! It's Toby Fleishman!

Toby, my man.

I'm glad you're here.

Toby, this is
a huge upgrade.

Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.

I wish I could go back there
with you.

Here you go.
Thanks a lot.

Yeah, no, actually,
you know what?

I liked our old place.
It was sweet, you know.

We had mismatched furniture.

It was like, you know,
paradise for me.

Toby, this place, though.

You could...
You could get lost in here.

Like, the ceilings alone,
it's...

They make you look shorter.
Rich.

I mean, they make all of us...
I meant all of us look shorter.

Uh, the royal you.

The old place didn't have
air-conditioning.

It did.
We had... We had units.

Eww.
That's what I meant.

Thank you.
Toby hates change.

Actually,
I'm fine with change.

Well, these chairs
are lovely.

How are you, Toby?

Libby said you've been having
a tough time.

I'm okay.
I got divorced.

I got married and then divorced.
I hear this happens, though.

Are you doing okay?
Yeah.

So, you're on the apps?

Um, yes.
Uh, you know, sometimes.

What's it like?
It's crazy, right?

Yeah.
Honestly, it is insane.

Like, it's... it's gross.
I mean, you feel dirty.

Oh, my God, it's Seth!

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hey.
You showed.

I did.
I might... I might never leave.

Oh, hello.
Good to see you.

You, too.

You brought your appetite.

- You're looking fit.
- Grace looks good.

- Oh!
- Yay.

This is fantastic.

Hey. You guys ever go
skiing in Gstaad?

'Cause I just heard it's great.
We should all go.

I'm... I'm getting sick
of Vail, right?

Oh, he says this
every time.

Gotta check
with the boss here.

- Ooh, wild.
- Boss, please.

Boss check.

I likey.
Let's do it.

- Yes.
- All in favor of Gstaad?

- Okay.
- Sure.

In. Why not?

Uh, Toby, you know,
I've been meaning to ask,

do you have
a good concierge guy?

Working in pharma, you'd think
I'd know all the good people.

And yet, you only seem to know
the bad ones.

Um... that was a joke.

I'm j... That was a joke.

That was so stupid, Toby.

Um, are you and Roxanne
going to put Max into robotics?

And he looks up at the doctor
and he goes to the doctor,

"Uh, doctor, are you Jewish?"

And the doctor says, "No, no."
And he goes, "Oh, sh*t."

Was that true?

It's true. It's true.
It's true.

And then he d*ed under...
Under anesthesia.

No!

He d*ed. Yeah.
He d*ed, yeah.

Um, are you going
to put Max in robotics?

Yes.
STEM all the way.

He made this little character
out of Legos.

It can walk.
It's amazing.

Oh, Solly did
the same thing.

The little Lego guy can bowl.
It's insane.

Can you imagine if they taught
us this stuff at that age?

Speaking of which,
what would you do differently?

- Oh.
- Hmm.

No, I'm not saying I would
do anything different,

it's just, you know, just, like,
what a world kind of thing.

Yeah, I can totally see you
as a tech guy.

Uh, sorry, I don't know
if I have enough, uh,

hoodies for that.

It was a joke, Toby.

You're exactly who you
were always going to be.

So how's the liver business,
my man?

You asked me that.

I mean, you always
f*cking ask me that, so...

I...

Excuse me, I got to go.

Sorry.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, so she is
an anthropologist...

Okay.
...and a veterinarian.

She is trying to, uh,
save some species of bird.

Really? That's... Okay.
That's admirable.

I don't know if I'm, like,
ready to be set up.

I had this weird, like,
quasi-relationship

with this woman who literally
did not leave her house.

It is weird out th...
Yes, I'm serious.

It is weird out there.
It filled me with trepidation.

It's just a divorce, man.

No, I know.
I know. But it...

I don't know,
it felt like more than that.

It felt like a referendum
on my...

My life and my choices,
you know?

What if it's just bad luck?
Hmm.

What if it's just sometimes
life isn't fair?

Hmm.
Yeah, fair.

Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe you're right.

Yeah, sometimes things
just aren't fair.

I-I think I don't like to think
in those terms.

That's what those terms
are there for.

Do you know what I think
about all the time?

When we took that hike
and got lost and it got dark...

It had been so long
since he felt accepted,

like he didn't have
to justify his existence,

that people just took him
on his own terms.

Maybe this was the key.

To spend time with people
who knew you

when you were all potential.

Maybe, in some way...

...you remained
all potential to them.

Your mistakes were anomalies
to them.

Yeah!

They lost our luggage,
the traffic was crazy.

Hey. I remember you
from a college.

Good. Yeah.

Did I miss everything?

You know why I eat these?

Because they're awful?
That's right.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Thank you.

I'm gonna get some
diet ice for you.

Diet ice, never not funny.

So, uh, who are you writing
about these days?

She's not at the magazine
anymore.

Yeah, I'm not anywhere
anymore, Mord.

Mmh-mnh.
No, I don't want it.

It's too sweet.
I'll take that.

No, it smells like something
a teenage girl would make.

This is really fun.
We never go to parties, ever.

We go to parties
all the time.

But we don't go
to fun parties.

This is my very favorite night
of the whole year.

Wow.

Wow? I mean, what?
Is that... Is that bad?

- Nope. No problem.
- Your booze.

Thank you very much.
Mm-hmm.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- How was?

I loved it.
Mm-hmm.

People greet you,
they call your kids by name.

Honestly, I say this
with no irony.

It's clean.
It's safe.

Uh, Libby found it
soul-crushing.

Why?
Because she hates joy.

Wow, he really gets you.
It's beautiful.

Yeah. No, it's hotter than
the surface of the sun,

number one.
Also, all the characters,

all the rides, like,
the canned happiness.

Like, for what?

I would love a can
of happiness. No.

So, we had these passes
for the rides, right?

They came with the club
level thing or whatever.

And, so, you got on every ride
in, like, six minutes.

Yeah!

But you have to go on this
empty line,

past this other line where all
these people have been waiting,

and you realize,
oh, I'm not...

I'm not subverting
any line here.

I'm cutting a line.

I'm subverting the system
for the people

who just don't happen
to be on the club level.

That's how it works.
Yeah, but that's not fair.

But it's not fair
in your direction.

Exactly.

A thing about my wife is she can
be unhappy both

on a line
and cutting a line.

She's pretty amazing, isn't she?

It is. Yeah.
I can't wait to take my kids.

Can't wait.
Really?

You can probably get
a senior discount

by the time you have kids.

- Oh!
- It's terrible.

You would go and you
would think about how,

like, how same-shaped

all the women are,
how stupid all the people are.

All the women there,
they wear...

They wear yoga pants
instead of regular pants.

They're just, like,
yelling at their children,

and then you look down
and you're like, "Oh, God.

I'm wearing yoga pants.

I'm yelling at my children."

The common denominator
is you.

I don't get it. Why can't you
just wear regular pants?

Yeah, I don't understand
why you're so upset.

My man, asking that will not
yield a satisfactory answer.

Just please
trust me on this.

Okay.
Just, you know, save yourself.

Uh, we told Yvonne
we'd be back by 1:00.

- It's 12:30.
- No, no, no, no, no.

It's my favorite night
of the year.

I wish you would stop
saying that.

You're not taking
our Libby away.

Please.
I just... A little longer.

I never, ever see
these people, ever.

I'm reliving the glory
of my youth.

She had
a glorious youth.

I did. I did.

It is time to go.

I'll take a car.

I'll see you guys.

Oh, see you later.

He's leaving?

No, he doesn't...
He has an early morning.

Oh, hey, awesome.
Vanessa's gonna come.

You guys think we'll be here
in an hour?

H... Wait, she's coming here?
Yeah.

No.
Yeah.

This night is for people who
are going gently into midlife.

If I can send my husband home,

you can have one night
without your young girlfriend.

Have you considered
maybe I like my girlfriend

more than you appear
to like your husband?

- Oh.
- What's that?

I said, "Maybe"...
No, I heard.

All right.

I don't know.

I feel like I wish I still lived
in the city,

or, like,
even in Israel.

My whole life
was ahead of me.

I was at the beginning
of something.

Mm-hmm.

We all were at the beginning
of something.

And now?

Now we're at the end
of something.

No, we're not.
We're just ongoing.

We so are.
And you want to know how I know?

Hmm?

Because we keep revisiting
the beginning.

Yeah, you have a nice life,
okay? I was there.

You have, like,
a very nice life there.

Yeah, that's not really
my point.

Really? So what is...
What's your point?

My point is
I have cigarettes.

I just remembered
I have cigarettes.

Who wants to smoke cigarettes
with me?

I'll go.

I'll stand there.

"I'll stand there."
You're such a cool person.

Wow.
What a dweeb.

"I'll stand there."

What were those cigarettes
called

that we used
to smoke in Israel?

TIME.

TIME. Right.

Stands for
This Is My Enjoyment.

Yeah, Israelis.

You shouldn't ash on the ground
of somebody else's house.

Toby.
Mm-hmm?

This is my enjoyment.
This is your emphysema.

I'm gonna go back
inside, okay?

What is with you?
Nothing's with me.

Really? 'Cause you seem
extra annoyed tonight, so...

I'm not.
I'm great.

I'm gonna go back inside.
I'm having a great night.

Oh, good.
Me, too.

You should have been
nicer to Adam.

Adam's fine.
You were kind of a bitch.

What?
Yeah.

You can't treat a person
that way, okay?

You can't... You can't treat
your husband that way.

Wait, what?
I'm sorry, you're...

You're interested
in me suddenly?

You...
You want to talk about me?

I don't know
what that means.

Oh, it means that usually
you're only interested

in talking about yourself.

No, that's not true.
It's kind of true.

Oh, wow.
You now, too.

Okay, sorry, I didn't realize
I was so negligent.

I didn't say negligent.
I said it was true.

You only talk
about yourself.

I lost my job, you haven't
asked me how I'm doing.

Well, yeah,
you would tell me, man.

Oh, my God. That is really
not a great philosophy

for friendship, pal.

Okay, well, let's just
chill out. Toby...

Yeah... you've had
too much to drink.

You're a bitch,
but we love you anyway.

Oh, my God. Do I actually
deserve this right now?

Honestly, like, after listening
to your problems

nonstop for two months?

Nobody asked you
to do that.

You asked me to do that.
No, I didn't.

Sure you did!
And you don't know anything

about my life.
Nothing.

And you, like, you don't know
anything about anything.

I know you're married
to a pretty nice guy.

Yeah, but what do you know
about marriage?

Honestly, what do you know
about life?

Like, you have punted every
decision that a person can make.

And why do you get to do that?

'Cause you're handsome?
You're rich?

Going to live forever?
You know what? Fine.

Don't believe him,
but believe me.

If I was Adam, I would be,
like, done with you.

You're going to give me
marriage advice?

You are? Really?
And how about you?

You're going to...
You're going to tell me

how to have
a good relationship?

Even though you haven't even
told your toddler girlfriend

that you lost your job.

You don't know anything, and you
really don't know anything.

Okay, I'm tired of you
treating me like

I'm not a real person
because I'm not married,

I don't have kids.

By the way, Vanessa does know.
I told her.

Congratulations.
That is so big of you.

May you have a long future
together.

And may you never get caught
in your lies.

What the f*ck
is with you two?

Who said you lived
your lives best?

Who said you're admirable
or I'd want to be like you?

Really?
Jesus Chr...

You know, I just remembered

why I stopped hanging out
with you two.

God, what are you
even talking about?

You're dismissive,
you are needy,

and I was always a joke,
honestly.

Seth.
I found you.

Hey. Hi.

Oh, my God.
Yeah, no.

Hey, Toby.
Hey.

How are you?

Here, let me go
make you a drink.

I'm gonna go home.

Okay, it's probably
for the best.

What are you doing?

I'm getting a car to the city.
What are you doing?

I'm taking the train.

Just drop me off.

Fine.

All right, yeah, thanks.
This is me.

And she's going
to Penn Station.

Thanks. Okay.

Actually, I-I'm going to
get out here, too.

Thanks. Libby, what
...what are you doing?

I have to pee.

Can I please pee?

Just be quiet, okay?

The kids are sleeping.

Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Hi!
How was it?

It was good.
It was good, yeah.

How were the kids?

Oh, we had so much fun.
Really?

Oh, you have a friend?

Libby Slater?

Yeah, it's me.
Hi, Cherry.

Hi.
Hey.

Wow, I didn't know
you were divorced.

I'm not.

She's just coming
to pee.

Yeah, thanks.

Toby?

Shh.
You can let yourself out.

Can you order a car
or something?

It's late.

Do you remember that guy, David,
that I went out with that year?

Yeah, yeah.
The one with the harmonica?

Yeah, the harmonica.

Well, sometimes I used to wonder
what happened to that guy.

Right, 'cause I never knew.

Okay.

And then, tonight, Tracy told me
that he is an accountant.

And he's married
to an English teacher.

And they live
in Scarsdale.

Wow.

You could have figured
this all out on Facebook.

No, I never
looked him up.

Because I didn't
want to know.

You know, I wanted... I wanted
to think of him alone out there,

same as the day
that we broke up.

This unknown legend.

We don't have any overlapping
friends, so it was possible.

Hey, hey. What are you doing?
No, you can't smoke in here.

Toby, just one.
Come on.

Blow it out the window.
Yeah.

Do you remember when Facebook
first came out and you,

like, looked up every single
person that you ever knew,

only to find out
that they all became

the same basic adults
as their parents?

Like,
they all had these...

inevitable conclusions.

To the point that the only
people who were interesting

were the ones
who were smart enough

not to diminish
their own legends

by going on f*cking Facebook
in the first place.

How did we all
get this way?

How did we all get put
on this trajectory

where we all ended up with
the same boring life, you know?

I miss longing.

I miss...

desire.

And it's not Adam.

Adam is great, okay?

Like, Adam's
the best-case scenario

in a very flawed system.

But the way that it works,
the way desire works

and longing works
is you cannot get the thing.

Because then if you
get the thing...

All right, all right.
Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

When you get the thing,

you don't get to feel
those feelings anymore.

Am I the only one that
enjoyed feeling those feelings?

I'm just, I'm worried
that the only way

that I can feel anything...

is when things are very bad.

And I just don't know
where that leads, you know?

I just think that there's
something wrong with me, Tobe.

I wasn't always like this,
was I?

God, forget it.

Honestly, forget it.
Let's not even talk about it.

Talking about it doesn't
make it any better, so...

Dad?

Dad!
Dad!

Oh, sh*t.
Solly!

Hey, hey.
What happened?

I went in the bed.

Hey, it's okay.
It's fine. It happens.

I'm so sorry. Are you
kidding? Don't apologize.

Oh, my God.
What is going on?

Nothing.
Nothing.

Just wait here.
I'll be right back.

Okay.

Can I do anything?
What? No.

Libby, get out of here.
Hey, Solly?

Miles wets the bed...
Whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

No one needs your help
right now. Please, leave.

Thank you very much.
Go, go, go. Hey.

There was no use
in going home like this.

I made a mess, and the cleanup
already felt impossible.

Left to my own devices,

I always returned
to the museum of my youth.

Trying to find the last place
I'd seen myself.

Hey, how's it going?

Um, one for
"The Virgin Suicides."

So they have a dinner
for Scott...

Maybe you can figure
out a time...

I'd met Glenn at the magazine.

He was nothing special.

Archer k*lled it
with this...

None of the guys
I worked with were.

He m*rder*d it.

He crushed it.

He was a general with
his foot on the neck

of the village
he conquered.

He's a barbarian.

They used w*r language
to describe writing.

I'll tell you,
if the American man ever saw

who was in charge of
defining masculinity for him,

he would seriously reconsider
his subscription.

But this moment in my life
was not about Glenn.

It was about me.

I didn't so much love him
as want to be part of him,

to eat him, to become him.

And you've got to be
rigorous.

You have to understand,
I was never wild.

I didn't have affairs.

I didn't have good judgement

because I didn't have
any experience.

But I wanted what he had.

I wanted to really
participate in life.

I wanted to eat the world
the way

he and every other guy
at the magazine did.

I went about it the wrong way.

Sorry, I gotta go.

I used to blow smoke on him

so his wife would know
where he'd been.

Oh, she was lovely.
Yeah, it was great.

I didn't realize
the real power I had

was that I had no obligations.

I could do whatever the hell
I wanted.

I definitely want to get
more involved, for sure.

How was I supposed to know
that, one day,

in seeking the safety
of a grown-up life,

I would lose that power?

I am 41 now.

I can't believe how briefly
I held that power.

I can't believe how briefly
I held it

and how quickly
I gave it away.

I'd been smoking pot
a lot recently.

I hadn't done that in years.

I thought about that thing
Seth said

about how people
have affairs

not because they're
betraying their spouses,

but because they're trying
to remember

who they were
in the first place.

I thought about that
a lot lately.

Hey.
Hi.

How was your day?

It was fine.

I don't remember.

So, just like
yesterday, huh?

Hey, there.

Uh, yeah. I know we
need to figure it out.

Uh, I just got home.

Let me, uh,
get my memo out.

If he perjured himself,
I owe you a cup of soup.

Okay, all right.

That's probably why Glenn was
doing what he had been doing...

It was certainly why I was
doing what I was doing now.

Only there's no affair.

No clandestine meetings
in stairwells.

There's just a cigarette
in the city

where I lived
when I was young.

How poorly I wear this life.

How the adjustment to it
is taking so long

I've started to feel like it
isn't coming soon.

It isn't coming ever.

It was never coming.

This is what I was saying
about questions

that can't be answered.

"Is life fair?"

"How did I get here?"

Trust me.

You shouldn't ask them.

Aimee Mann's "Wise Up" plays...

♪♪ It's not what you thought ♪♪

♪♪ When you first ♪♪

♪♪ Began it ♪♪

♪♪ You got ♪♪

♪♪ What you want ♪♪

♪♪ Now you can hardly stand it,
though ♪♪

♪♪ By now you know ♪♪

♪♪ It's not going to stop ♪♪

♪♪ It's not going to stop ♪♪

♪♪ It's not going to stop ♪♪

♪♪ Til you wise up ♪♪

♪♪ You're sure ♪♪

♪♪ There's a cure ♪♪

♪♪ And you have finally ♪♪

♪♪ Found it ♪♪

♪♪ You think ♪♪

♪♪ One drink ♪♪