03x06 - Becoming

[bunniefuu]

Stop kicking me!

- What kicking?

- Under the table.

When did I ever?

Dede, eat.

- I didn't do anything.

- Gennarino

Stop it!

What? I didn't do anything.

- You're older!

- Stop it.

Mamma, he's kicking me.

I'm not doing anything!

It's not true.

I said that's enough!

Gennarino!

I didn't do it on purpose.

- What are you doing?

- I'm not hungry anymore.

Don't move or you'll get hurt.

- Are you crazy?

- There's too much racket in this house.

I can't take any more!

Gennarino and Dede fight all the time.

So you smash the door?

Are you stupid?

I said not to walk on the glass.

Look, there's blood.

What's going on?

She stepped on the glass.

- Go get a Band-

- Aid.

- Where are they?

- Where do you think? In the bathroom.

Does it hurt?

Don't worry,

- we'll get a Band-

- Aid and it'll pass.

- Shall I put them here?

- No. Give me one.

Here.

- - I don't want a Band-

- Aid, it hurts.

- It hurts?

It'll pass, don't worry.

Lenù, how are you?

Everything okay with Gennarino?

I'm having difficulty, do me a favor

and come and get him.

Can't you keep him longer?

No.

I have good news.

- What is it?

- I'm the head of technology.

What does that mean?

Head of the IBM data processing center

Michele has rented.

You accepted Michele Solara's offer?

- Right, he's entrusted me with System 3.

- So, you're working for him again?

Like in the store at Piazza dei Martiri?

Wanna know how much I earn?

425,000 lire a month.

I have punch-card operators

working under me.

- What's wrong?

- I'd never have expected it from you.

- What was I supposed to do?

- Turn it down.

Why?

Because we know

what the Solaras are like.

Michele's been my boss before,

I was better off with him than

with that shithead Bruno Soccavo.

- Do what you want.

- I don't like your tone.

I earn more than Enzo who's a male.

What's wrong with it?

Nothing.

The revolution, workers, the new world?

- And all that bullshit?

- Stop it.

If you want to have

a real discussion, I'm in.

Otherwise, forget it.

Can I say something?

You always use "real" and "really"

when you speak and write.

Or you say "suddenly".

When do people really talk?

When do things happen suddenly?

It's all false.

One thing relates to another

and then another.

I don't do anything for real anymore

and I've learned

to consider things carefully.

Only idiots believe

things happen all of a sudden.

Good for you.

What are you trying to convince me of

with all these fine words?

That you're using Michele

and not the other way round?

- Forget it.

- No, tell me what you think.

- I have nothing to say.

- Speak, or I will.

Be my guest.

You criticize me but not your sister?

What about my sister?

Don't you know about Elisa?

What's to know?

Ask your mother, your father,

your siblings.

Take care, Lenù.

Papa, are we there yet?

Stop it!

Pietro, go around!

I can't! Can't you see?

Here you can, go!

Where? They're coming right at me!

Let me try, do you mind?

Not at all!

Like this, I'll go crazy.

You try.

- You can't drive on the wrong side!

- Here you can.

The girls are in the car!

You don't drive like this

in Florence, do you?

- What happened?

- Nothing, we're there.

So?

Gennarino, Dede!

- Hi, Enzo.

- All good, Lenù?

How did it go?

Did you learn to swim

or still using a floaty?

- Hi, Enzo.

- Hi, Dede.

Enzo, how are you?

- All good.

- Good.

We left our luggage at the hotel,

we freshened up.

- Bye.

- Bye, Gennarino.

They wore you out, huh?

They fought the whole time.

Dede's sad Gennaro's going home, but

Tensions were too high,

I couldn't handle it anymore.

No need to say it.

Actually, we want to thank you.

You did us a huge favor.

You know what Lila's like.

Tell her

we'll get settled and I'll call her.

- We'll see each other later.

- Later?

Yeah, around the neighborhood.

Anyway, I'll tell her.

See you later.

Come, Gennarino.

Bye.

Look what lovely things

Granny bought you!

- We got some little presents.

- How do you come into it?

Lovely!

What a pretty dress.

Do you like it?

And this one.

Tear it open.

How lovely!

Another dress?

Couldn't you have

got her a doll, a Pinocchio?

Pinocchio? She's a girl!

- Thank Granny.

- Thank you.

"Thank you"? I want a kiss, a hug

Thank you so much.

You didn't do us

the honor of sleeping at our house.

There are too many of us,

it didn't seem right.

We would have fit you in.

The hotel's better for us,

we've already left our luggage there.

What can I say?

Where are Peppe and Gianni?

We never see them.

They're always at work.

Where do they work?

Marcello found jobs for them.

Doing what?

They bring money home

and that's enough.

Elisa's not like you,

she cares about us.

Didn't you tell her I was coming today?

Why isn't she here too?

She's at her place.

- She doesn't live here anymore?

- No.

You told me they were together,

not that they live together.

She and Marcello have a nice apartment

in the new neighborhood.

They built new houses there,

you should see how nice!

What did you cook?

Nothing, you're here, so

It seems a bit over the top.

Don't worry,

we never throw anything away.

I want to hear more about Elisa.

- What?

- For how long?

It must be about two months.

And you gave your permission?

Did you ever ask for our permission?

You did what you wanted

and so did she.

Pietro's not like Marcello Solara.

That's true,

Marcello would never let Elisa

treat him how you treat Pietro.

You should have told me,

you should have consulted me.

Why?

You left,

you said you'd think of us. All talk.

You did what you wanted,

you didn't give a damn about us.

I want to go and see her.

No, you just got here,

she's preparing a surprise for you.

I don't care. Where does she live?

This one. Tomorrow we'll wear this one.

It's got flowers on it.

What happened?

Not only is my sister engaged to

Marcello Solara, but they live together.

I'm going over to see her.

And I stay here alone?

Do you know who

Marcello and Michele Solara are?

They're camorristi.

My sister's engaged to a guy

who threatens people,

who extorts storekeepers

and makes loans that'd ruin anyone.

The Solaras b*at people up,

maybe they get people k*lled

or do it themselves.

Now what do you say?

I'll go with you.

No, you stay with the girls,

I'll see you later.

What are camorristi?

Want to play? Let's play a game.

I'd like to get some cool air, Lila.

What would have seemed acceptable

in Milan or Florence,

a woman's free use

of her own body and her desires,

living together outside marriage,

in the neighborhood

seemed inconceivable.

And my mother was happy.

She, who was furious

because I had a civil marriage

and not a religious ceremony,

she, who considered Lila a slut

for living with Enzo

and Ada a whore

for being Stefano's mistress,

she accepted her youngest daughter

sleeping with Marcello Solara.

A bad person.

YOUR MEMORY WILL LIVE AMONG US

CARRACCI GROCERS

Lenù!

Come in.

You're hurting me.

Hold on.

Come in.

I'm glad.

You look well.

You too.

How are the girls?

I can't wait to see them.

They've grown.

Dede talks like a little miss now

and Elsa has a temper

What pretty earrings.

You're so elegant.

Try them on.

Really?

They suit me too, don't they?

You can have them.

Really?

Of course.

You look good.

I thought you'd come to tell me off,

to say you're against me and Marcello.

I'm absolutely against it.

Why are you against it?

- The Solaras are bad people.

- Marcello isn't.

When you were pregnant with Elsa,

Mamma visited you

and I was left with the whole family

on my shoulders.

Once I went shopping

at the Solaras' supermarket

and Rino said to me: "Leave the list,

we'll deliver it for you."

Marcello greeted me from a distance

as if to say: "I told him to do it."

From that moment on

you can't imagine how much kindness,

not even once did he behave

in a vulgar way like a Solara.

Why that face?

Don't you believe me?

It's all so clear.

He'll use you, he'll get sick

of your body and drop you.

That's not true.

Marcello loves me, if you don't

believe it, there's nothing I can do.

Since people see me with him,

my life has changed.

Everyone treats me like a queen,

they pay attention to me.

Of course, you're used to it.

You wrote a book, you're famous.

But I'm not, I was thrilled.

Please,

don't be harsh on Mamma and Papa.

You know what they're like.

They're on my side

and so are our brothers.

So why don't you get married?

We are getting married.

Marcello has to tie up

some complicated business first,

but as soon as it's taken care of,

we'll get married.

Be careful, Elisa.

Don't get lost.

And if anything happens, call me.

- Where are you going?

- The girls are at home.

Didn't Mamma say anything?

Everyone's coming here for lunch.

- Who's everyone?

- Everyone.

- Hello.

- Elisa!

- Hi.

- Hi, Pietro!

I nearly didn't recognize you.

- See what lovely young ladies?

- Yes.

Hi, Mamma.

I was roped into it.

As soon as I've figured out

what's going on, I'll tell you.

Look what we brought.

I'll put them here,

you take them into the kitchen.

Are we really getting lots of presents?

Of course! We'll find something.

- Sit next to me today.

- Don't bore him to death!

- I'm not gonna eat him

- It's what you do.

- We get on.

- Sure, we get on.

So nice and chubby!

You know we have the same name?

Her name's Elsa, not Elisa.

Whatever, it's the same thing.

Go and sit on the couch.

- Elisa, what can I do?

- Set the table.

With this stuff you prepared?

She's so gorgeous!

Turn it down! Are you deaf?

You turn it down,

you're already standing.

What are they saying?

They're speaking in Neapolitan dialect.

Ah, okay.

You thought your father had changed?

- Hi, Gigliola.

- Hello.

Give it to me.

- Hello, signora.

- How are you?

- Good, you?

- Not too bad.

Come into the kitchen.

Hello.

He's grown so much.

How are you, Gigliola?

Listen, sweetie,

I'm fine, you're fine, we're all fine.

If my husband

hadn't ordered me to come here,

I would have stayed at home,

just to be clear.

We came to pay homage

to you professors.

That's the genius of the university?

Holy crap, what nice hair

your husband has!

It's a pleasure, Pietro.

No, please stay seated,

no one has ever stood up here

to greet a lady.

Hello, Vittorio.

So you see, Pietro

Maria, come and get the baby.

Give her the baby.

- You want a hand, Imma?

- Thank you.

- What's her name?

- Elsa.

Elsa? What a nice name!

Lenù, take it.

Do you like the house?

Did you speak to your sister?

Napkins, plates.

- You wanna play?

- Yes. Can I?

Go. Don't get sweaty, be careful.

- How do I look?

- Good.

- Hi, Gigliola.

- Elisa.

She's all demure.

Hello!

Come in, Mamma. I'm so pleased!

Hi, Michele.

Immacolata, you're already here!

I brought some food. Congratulations!

Thank you for the invitation,

we were so pleased.

I'm glad you're here.

Congratulations, peace, health and luck,

what I wish for myself.

Thank you! You're such a dear.

- Hello, Marcello.

- Don Vittorio, how are you?

Elena!

You're so beautiful.

Beautiful like your sister.

My mother-in-law turned 60 today.

Who's he?

Lenuccia's husband.

- The professor.

- Pietro.

Pleasure, congratulations.

- Professor, it's all settled.

- Good.

It's hot.

Bring the bottles into the kitchen.

- I'll keep going.

- I'll help you.

No, it's your birthday, I'll do it!

Hi, Michele.

Hi, Lenù.

He hurt me.

I didn't do anything!

Sure, like I don't know

you're a delinquent!

Leave him alone.

- What are you eating?

- Cutlets.

Go in there, then.

I'll go.

It's you, hello.

Put them here.

Your luggage has arrived.

Did you get it from the hotel?

No way you're staying in a hotel,

we have so many rooms.

Don't make me cross.

Take them back

where you got them.

Don't you dare.

C'mon, Lenù, I'm really happy

to host you in my home.

- It's a great honor for me.

- What?

Anyway I asked your husband

for permission.

- I wouldn't have taken the liberty.

- Pietro, we can't stay here.

You're happy to stay?

Then, take the suitcases inside.

She'll show you where.

May we?

Hello.

- Kiddo!

- Where's Dede?

- They're all in the kitchen.

- Go.

- Hi, Lenù.

- Hi, Gennarino.

- Hi, Lila.

- Hello.

- Hi, Enzo.

- Hi, Lila.

- Hi, Lila!

- Hi.

Hi, Enzo.

How are you?

- This is Lenù's husband.

- It's a pleasure, Lila.

- Pietro, my pleasure.

- Hi, Lenù.

Now that the other

little queen's arrived, shall we sit?

The kids have already eaten, I'm hungry.

Let's sit down, it's ready.

We're one chair short.

Marcello, where do I sit?

- I told you to get the chairs.

- I'll sit here.

You gotta taste this, my mamma made it.

No, I can't fit anything else in.

Tell me if it's good. Mamma never

makes it for us, right, Lenù?

Let's try it.

- Mamma, is it true you never make it?

- Of course I do!

Silvio!

Go eat dessert in there!

Leave him alone.

Pietro, give me your plate,

I made parmigiana for you.

Where did you get the wine?

Do you like it?

It's from a friend in Caserta.

Don't you think

we need to buy a new setting?

Marcello, these plates are no good.

- Congratulations!

- Congratulations, Mamma.

May you live to a hundred! To Mamma!

- Many happy returns.

- Thank you, professor.

You're not from here

so you can't know our mother's merits.

We're good people,

my grandfather started the bar,

my father slowly grew it

into a pastry shop

renowned in all of Naples.

Also thanks to Spagnuolo,

my wife's father.

But we owe everything to our mother.

People who don't like us

have spread ugly rumors about her,

but we're used to being in business,

to being patient.

Besides, the truth always wins out.

The truth is

this woman is very intelligent,

she's strong, she's always worked

and never enjoyed anything.

And she did it all for her sons.

Michele's a golden son,

but he has a defect, he likes to talk.

And he overdoes it.

No, Mamma,

everything he said was true.

No one knows

how generous my mother is.

- She's beautiful too, right?

- Yeah, beautiful

You know you're beautiful.

Today we're here, first,

to give a proper welcome

to these two important professors.

Second, to celebrate

my mother's birthday.

Third,

to wish Elisa and my brother

much happiness

and a wedding as soon as possible.

And fourth, if I may,

I'd like to toast

to a deal I thought I'd never make,

but instead it's moving ahead

very satisfactorily.

Lenù, don't take offense,

you're smart, you've come a long way,

you've been in the newspapers,

we've known you since

we were kids, we're proud of you.

But I'm sure you'll also agree,

there's only one woman here

equal to my mother.

Lila has a living thing in her head

that none of us have.

A thing that, if she's in a bad mood,

can hurt people,

but if she's in a good mood

it can leave people in awe.

I've wanted to buy this for a long time.

Yes, buy, like you do

with pearls and diamonds.

Come here, Lila.

Until a few months ago

it didn't seem possible,

but now we've taken

a great step forward.

I want to drink a toast to this.

Signora Cerullo runs

the data processing center

where poor Soccavo's

sausage factory was,

may he rest in peace.

It's fascinating

and if you'll do me the honor,

I'd like to invite you

to visit it tomorrow.

Am I right, Lila?

Michele thinks I do Lord knows what,

but that's bullshit.

Even I learned it

and I only went up to fifth grade.

She always wants to be right. A toast!

To beautiful things.

I'd be very curious to visit it.

I can take you tomorrow.

- Marcello will take you.

- Not a problem.

And you must tell me

all about your work.

It's a set of machines

- Lenù, I gotta tell you something.

- What?

Have you ever been in an airplane?

The airplane story again!

She doesn't know.

It's amazing.

We went to Germany,

I went with him for work.

At first I was scared

because it jolted me around,

but then I saw white clouds,

blue sky, the colors of the earth

and I discovered that above the clouds

the weather is always good.

- Guess who we met in Düsseldorf.

- That's right!

We didn't tell her.

- I don't know.

- Antonio.

- He says hi.

- Is he well?

Melina's Antonio?

- He gave me something for you.

- Go get it.

Who's Antonio?

An employee of ours.

One of your wife's boyfriends.

What a blabbermouth.

Anyway, times have changed,

today women have lots of boyfriends

and they brag about it more than men do.

- How many girlfriends have you had?

- I've only ever loved my wife.

C'mon, we're family.

C'mon!

We're family!

It's true.

Shall I whisper to you

how many I've had?

Go ahead.

That's incredible.

Professor,

my brother's had all of Naples.

He's joking!

- Didn't you know?

- No.

- Are you happy?

- Very happy.

- Did you know?

- No.

It's the book Lenuccia wrote,

but with the words in German.

See how famous she is? Well done!

Pass me the book.

All you can understand is "Elena Greco".

I have it now.

Do you speak German too?

No.

So don't be a pain in the ass,

let me look at it!

Let her look at it.

Well done, Lenù.

For everything, you deserve it.

Your book, your husband, your girls

What you have, you deserve it,

you worked hard,

without hurting anyone or making passes

at other people's husbands.

Thank you.

- Sorry, but I gotta go.

- Where are you going?

Silvio!

- What happened?

- Is she ever trouble

Gigliola, where are you off to?

She always ruins my day.

Hurry up.

First let's eat the cake

your father made.

Move.

There's still dessert.

We'll eat dessert and then we'll go.

Sit down this instant!

Gigliola

let's go get dessert.

Stay close to Papa.

I'm sorry, professor.

Don't mind her.

Enjoy the cake.

- Would you like anything else?

- No, thanks.

Let's clear the table

and put the cake here.

- Lila, do you want to see it?

- No.

Gennarino, come here.

Where have we ended up?

How could you allow them

to move us here?

How did I know what they were like?

No, Pietro, you never listen to me.

How often have I told you

where I come from?

If he invites me so arrogantly,

how can I get out of it?

Come on!

Even your parents said:

"Professor, say yes!"

You let them walk all over you.

You only put your foot down

with educated people.

Maybe because educated people

don't force you to stay with them.

How can I trust you?

I leave you for a moment

and look what you do.

Come on, we'll leave early.

I can't even trust your mother anymore.

The book came out in Germany

two years ago and I had no idea.

Tomorrow you'll call my mother

and the publisher

and ask for an explanation.

Anyway, I had fun.

Your mother's smart, kind.

Your father's so affectionate

that it almost embarrasses me.

Elisa

she loves you so much!

Gigliola

She's a caged animal.

No.

She's so authentic.

Enzo doesn't talk too much.

Enzo's like that.

Yes, I remember in Florence.

But he has kind eyes.

Unlike the others.

The Solaras?

They're a couple of crooks,

they really have

sly, evil faces.

They're a couple of criminals.

And they manage to be likable.

Incredible.

Then? Who else?

Lila.

Lila's the one

who disturbed me the most.

You spoke to her the whole time.

Can I tell you what I think?

I think Lila's the worst.

She's definitely smart,

charming, I won't deny it.

But she's

it's as if her intelligence sows discord.

It's an evil intelligence,

like her charm.

And then I don't understand

how you can define her as your friend.

Elena, I think she detests you.

Why?

I don't know, the way she looks at you,

the way she relates to you.

I don't understand how

your relationship's lasted so long.

Maybe you carefully

hide from each other

things that could ruin it?

Either I don't understand

a thing about Lila

or I don't understand a thing about you.

This is a little more concerning.

Then

What?

Lila and that Michele

it shows, they're made for each other.

I think they're already lovers.

And if they're not, they soon will be.

What nonsense.

You think you know everything,

but you don't understand

a thing about Lila.

Don't ever speak

about her like that again.

Good night.

Lila had made an impression,

Pietro had understood

how exceptional she was,

it had frightened him so much

that now he needed to dismiss her.

You understand German now?

I understand everything before you do.

The book's better

in German than in Italian.

Try it.

It's tasty.

You tore up Antonio's present?

Now you'll eat it all!

What's wrong,

you don't even like it in German?

Would you like some oil? A pinch of salt?

How come you chose

to invest in this field?

I don't know!

As soon as we accomplish something,

my brother's onto the next thing.

- And you play along?

- What can I do?

I heard you have business

in Germany.

In Germany or in Italy it doesn't matter,

it's one world and it's all the same.

I'm more communist

than the communists,

more revolutionary

than the revolutionaries.

I think everything

should start all over again.

And if it starts again,

I'll be in the front row.

But love is the most important thing.

What can you do!

Here, professor.

Here's the thing Michele rented.

I can hear a weird hum,

is it always there?

It's the sound of electronics,

I can't stand it,

that's why I never come here.

I wonder what all these buttons

Don't even try, it's complicated stuff.

Lila, Enzo know all about it.

You know what I like, professor?

- What?

- Walking around the neighborhood.

Going to visit my mom,

and as soon as it's possible,

going home to Elisa.

Nothing beats knowing

that she's waiting for me.

That she's cooked for me,

that we'll talk about our day.

I mean, do you understand?

- Signora Cerullo

- Be quiet! Just do what I asked!

You're here.

The professor wanted to understand

how this thingamajig works.

It's not a thingamajig, it's a machine.

There are so many things

to explain in here.

Magnetic cards, tapes, elaborations.

Hi, Lenù.

Enzo explained it one night,

I was curious to see it working.

Yes, but now I'd like

to talk to my friend.

Maria, let's see if you've learned,

explain the computer to the professor.

Then show me if you understood

and if you haven't

I'll deal with Maria later.

Come with me.

Do you like it?

My compliments.

My compliments to you, Lenù.

You have a handsome

and smart husband.

He speaks like he's religious

even though he's not,

he knows all the ancient

and modern things.

Yesterday he told me

heaps of things about Naples.

I was embarrassed,

I'm Neapolitan and I didn't know them.

How did you find Gennarino?

He's grown, he speaks more.

He told me all about

when you were at the beach.

What did he tell you?

Was he supposed to tell me

anything in particular?

No, nothing.

I'm glad he enjoyed himself.

Enzo?

We work a lot and hardly see

each other, but it's fine.

Did you hear about Stefano?

He lost everything.

He brought it on himself.

The carabinieri found him

with stolen goods

and they arrested him.

He's out, but he has to be careful.

He has nothing.

I give him money,

not the other way round.

How things change!

If I'd stayed with him, I'd be flat

on my ass like all the Carraccis.

And instead I'm Raffaella Cerullo

and I run this center for Michele Solara

for 425,000 lire a month.

As a result

my mother treats me like a queen,

my father's forgotten everything,

my brother sucks money out of me,

Pinuccia says she loves me so much

and her kids even call me "auntie dear".

The things that happen

when there's money involved!

One day I'll be reduced to diagrams,

I'll become a punch card myself

and you won't be able to find me.

- What an ugly thing, a restless mind!

- Don't you like your job?

It's boring, the opposite

of what it seemed at first.

Here's hoping

the new machines arrive soon,

they'll be much faster.

Or not.

Speed mars everything.

Like when photographs come out blurry.

Alfonso used that expression.

You know, he tells me

all about his friendships?

I know you're the only one he talks to.

Alfonso wants to be my friend,

but he'd like to be my carbon copy.

He'd like to be a woman like me.

I told him: "You're a man,

you know nothing about me.

Even if you copy me, study me,

you'll know nothing."

You know what he confessed to me?

- That he's always loved Michele.

- Michele?

Michele Solara, yes.

He wishes Michele liked him

the way he likes me.

I said: "All right, we'll be friends,

but don't think you can be

a woman like me,

you'd only be a woman

the way men see us.

You can copy me, you can do

an exact portrait of me,

but my sh*t will always be mine."

I'd like to go and see how he's doing.

How are you doing?

Did you congratulate Elisa?

Do you sleep well at Marcello's house?

You glad the old witch made it to 60?

If it's what my sister wants,

what can I do? Bust her head open?

See?

In fairy tales you do what you want,

in life, what you can.

That's why you let Michele use you?

There was no need.

I'm using him, not the other way around.

Dream on.

Wait and see.

What do I have to see?

I don't like it when you do this.

- You're out of touch with us, be quiet.

- What do you mean?

I can criticize you

only if I live in Naples?

Naples, Florence,

you're not doing anything anywhere.

- Who says so?

- The facts.

I know my facts, not you.

You make me angry

and I say things I don't mean.

You did well to leave Naples.

Do you know who's come back?

Who?

Nino.

How do you know?

Marisa told me.

He got tenure at the university.

Didn't he like it in Milan?

He married a woman

related to Banco di Napoli big sh*ts

and they have a one-year-old boy.

- Do you intend to see him?

- No.

But if I run into him

I wanna tell him Gennaro's not his son.

I should have said:

"Do you want to take Nino back again?

I know what you'll do,

you'll leave Enzo,

divorce Stefano and marry Nino.

You'll pool your brains and become

who knows what together."

But I didn't say a word.

Why was I feeling so anxious?

Because of Lila, because of her pride.

Just the sight of her

made me aggressive.

What a bad dream I'd had.

I didn't like myself, not one bit.

I told myself:

"You have to accept her as she is.

And if you can't be kind

and affectionate, learn how.

That's how you have to become."

To become was a verb

I'd always been obsessed by,

but I only realized it on that occasion.

I wanted to become something,

but I never knew what.

I just feared Lila would become

someone and I'd be left behind.

- Mamma, can we play?

- No, sweetheart, I'm tired.

Mamma's tired, leave her in peace.

- I'll play with you, all right?

- Yes.

My becoming had actually been

becoming in her wake.

I had to start becoming again,

but only for myself,

as an adult

and detached from her for good.