01x15 - My Phony Valentine

[bunniefuu]

[ Music ]

Henry, come on, we got to get to school.

Relax.

I'm almost done.

You better not make us tardy.

I was born tardy.

My mom says that's why my feet are so big.

Boom, done.

What? I just got tickets to valentine's day at club soda.

Shut up.

For real? Yeah, man.

Well, guess who's going to be working there? Wait.

What is club soda? It's this cool new club just for teens, and they have every kind of soda you can think of.

Uh-huh.

And I'm getting paid five bucks an hour to guard the door and make sure only legit teenagers get in.

Well, me and bianca are way legit.

Ooh, you're taking bianca out on valentine's day? Yeah, I am.

Nice.

How'd you ask her? I didn't yet.

You better call bianca right now.

Why? Because valentine's day is tomorrow and girls like to be asked in advance.

I think I know how girls work.

Up top.

Like a mop.

What does "like a mop" mean? I don't know, I shouldn't have said it.

Boo.

[ Choking ]

Sorry.

[ Choking ]

Sorry.

I didn't mean to sorry.

I didn't mean to that's okay.

I didn't mean to that's okay.

Hi.

That's okay.

Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

So chickity check it.

Hey.

So chickity check it.

Two tickets, you and me, so chickity check it.

Two tickets, you and me, tomorrow night.

Two tickets, you and me, tomorrow night.

Yeah.

Valentine's day.

Tomorrow night.

Yeah.

Valentine's day.

That's right.

Yeah.

Valentine's day.

That's right.

I'm going to keep saying things that's right.

I'm going to keep saying things until you smile.

I'm going to keep saying things until you smile.

Henry, I can't go with you until you smile.

Henry, I can't go with you to club soda tomorrow.

Henry, I can't go with you to club soda tomorrow.

But I bought us tickets to club soda tomorrow.

But I bought us tickets for valentine's day.

But I bought us tickets for valentine's day.

Well, you should've asked me for valentine's day.

Well, you should've asked me a week ago.

Well, you should've asked me a week ago.

Oh, come on.

What? A week ago.

Oh, come on.

What? You, like, wanted me oh, come on.

What? You, like, wanted me to officially ask you out? You, like, wanted me to officially ask you out? Yes.

To officially ask you out? Yes.

That's how girls work.

Yes.

That's how girls work.

[ Coughing ]

That's how girls work.

[ Coughing ]

Sorry.

[ Coughing ]

Sorry.

I just swallowed sorry.

I just swallowed some "told you so.

" I just swallowed some "told you so.

" Come on, bianca.

Some "told you so.

" Come on, bianca.

Someone else already come on, bianca.

Someone else already asked me to go to club soda someone else already asked me to go to club soda tomorrow night.

Asked me to go to club soda tomorrow night.

Who? Tomorrow night.

Who? Mitch bilsky.

Who? Mitch bilsky.

Mi-- mitch bilsky.

Mi-- you're-- mi-- you're-- wh-- you're-- wh-- mitch bilsky is all big wh-- mitch bilsky is all big and mean and stupid.

Mitch bilsky is all big and mean and stupid.

And mitch.

And mean and stupid.

And mitch.

Well, he asked me and mitch.

Well, he asked me in advance.

Well, he asked me in advance.

Sorry.

Well, henry hart.

Or should I call you, fff.

Why would you call me "fff"? Or should I call you, fff.

Why would you call me "fff"? Because fff stands for "f.

" Why would you call me "fff"? Because fff stands for "f.

" I failed my test? Because fff stands for "f.

" I failed my test? Oh, yeah.

I failed my test? Oh, yeah.

And I was just abou oh, yeah.

And I was just abou to tape it to your locker.

And I was just abou to tape it to your locker.

Why? To tape it to your locker.

Why? To shame you.

Why? To shame you.

Look, miss shapen, to shame you.

Look, miss shapen, I can't get an f.

Look, miss shapen, I can't get an f.

Well, too late, poop tart.

I can't get an f.

Well, too late, poop tart.

Okay.

Well, too late, poop tart.

Okay.

Why have you been okay.

Why have you been in such a bad mood all week? Why have you been in such a bad mood all week? I don't have to tell you.

Did nobody invite you ou for valentine's day? Oh, god, it shows? Do you have a tissue? I got a dollar.

Give it.

Hey.

What if I could get you a valentine's date what if I could get you a valentine's date with captain man? A valentine's date with captain man? You don't know captain man.

With captain man? You don't know captain man.

True, true.

You don't know captain man.

True, true.

But if I can find him true, true.

But if I can find him and get him to have dinner but if I can find him and get him to have dinner with you tomorrow night, and get him to have dinner with you tomorrow night, can I re-take the test? With you tomorrow night, can I re-take the test? If you get me can I re-take the test? If you get me a date with captain man if you get me a date with captain man for valentine's day, a date with captain man for valentine's day, I will take your f for valentine's day, I will take your f and turn it into one of these.

I will take your f and turn it into one of these.

Okay.

And turn it into one of these.

Okay.

I'm going to try.

Okay.

I'm going to try.

Henry, wait.

I'm going to try.

Henry, wait.

Your dollar.

It all just kind of happened.

My dad was an irresponsible scientist.

My dad was an irresponsible scientist.

I wanted an after-school job.

An irresponsible scientist.

I wanted an after-school job.

And by accident, I wanted an after-school job.

And by accident, he made me indestructible.

And by accident, he made me indestructible.

Ah! He made me indestructible.

Ah! I went into this crazy store ah! I went into this crazy store and me I went into this crazy store and me a pretty interesting guy.

And me a pretty interesting guy.

I'm going to blow your mind.

A pretty interesting guy.

I'm going to blow your mind.

Now I protec I'm going to blow your mind.

Now I protec the good citizens of swellview.

Now I protec the good citizens of swellview.

Who call me the good citizens of swellview.

Who call me he turned out to be who call me he turned out to be you know the name.

He turned out to be you know the name.

Captain man.

You know the name.

Captain man.

That's right, henry.

Captain man.

That's right, henry.

In time, I realized tha that's right, henry.

In time, I realized tha being a superhero in time, I realized tha being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.

Being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.

He wanted some help.

Is a lot to handle alone.

He wanted some help.

I needed a sidekick.

He wanted some help.

I needed a sidekick.

I, henry hart I needed a sidekick.

I, henry hart pledge to never ever ever i, henry hart pledge to never ever ever tell anyone pledge to never ever ever tell anyone that I'm captain man's tell anyone that I'm captain man's secret sidekick.

That I'm captain man's secret sidekick.

It is done.

Secret sidekick.

It is done.

Now we blow bubbles.

It is done.

Now we blow bubbles.

And fight crime.

Now we blow bubbles.

And fight crime.

Feels good.

Call it.

Up the tube! Oh, my boot.

Ha! Are you kidding me? That's your teacher, miss shapen.

My single teacher.

Oh, I'm so surprised.

Come on.

If you have dinner with her, she'll change my "f" into an "a.

" Hey, I got a good idea.

What? Why don't I have valentine's dinner with your mom? No.

All right.

I'll have dinner with miss shapen.

Yes.

Ooh and she loves chicken, so feed her some chicken.

All right.

Ray, I will never forget this.

Neither will i.

Hey, look at me.

I'm mr.

Varlintine's.

Ew.

That is bad.

Yikes.

That's wha you're wearing for gerta? Oh, yes.

Gerta will love this.

Who's gerta? His valentine's date, who's actually a hey, schwoz! What? Our friend henry here waited until today to ask a girl out for valentine's.

What? That's not how girls work.

I know that now.

So, why don't you let henry take gerta ou so, why don't you let henry take gerta ou for dinner tomorrow night? Take gerta ou for dinner tomorrow night? Me take gerta? For dinner tomorrow night? Me take gerta? No way.

Me take gerta? No way.

Gerta is for schwoz only.

No way.

Gerta is for schwoz only.

Come on, just lend her gerta is for schwoz only.

Come on, just lend her to henry for one night.

Come on, just lend her to henry for one night.

This conversation is weird.

To henry for one night.

This conversation is weird.

You don't understand.

This conversation is weird.

You don't understand.

Just call gerta in here.

You don't understand.

Just call gerta in here.

Sure.

Just call gerta in here.

Sure.

Gerta, sure.

Gerta, [ speaking foreign language ]

[ Speaking foreign language ]

Gerta.

I'm pretty sure gerta.

I'm pretty sure she's not my type.

I'm pretty sure she's not my type.

She's not a she.

She's not my type.

She's not a she.

And I'm out of here.

She's not a she.

And I'm out of here.

Just relax.

And I'm out of here.

Just relax.

Gerta is an android.

Just relax.

Gerta is an android.

A fancy robot.

Gerta is an android.

A fancy robot.

She's a fancy robot.

She's that's a machine? She's that's a machine? Show the kid.

That's a machine? Show the kid.

Gerta.

Show the kid.

Gerta.

[ Speaking foreign language ]

That's the coolest thing I've ever seen.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

I've ever seen.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Really? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Really? What's she going really? What's she going to pull off next? What's she going to pull off next? No, no.

Gerta is to pull off next? No, no.

Gerta is a shape-shifting android.

No, no.

Gerta is a shape-shifting android.

Show him.

Okay, shut up.

That did not just happen.

Did that just happen? That did not just happen.

Did that just happen? Hi.

My name's delilah.

Did that just happen? Hi.

My name's delilah.

Well, hey there, delilah.

Hi.

My name's delilah.

Well, hey there, delilah.

Eh? Well, hey there, delilah.

Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? So, I can take her eh? So, I can take her to club soda tomorrow nigh so, I can take her to club soda tomorrow nigh and no one will know she's fake? To club soda tomorrow nigh and no one will know she's fake? I'm not fake, henry.

And no one will know she's fake? I'm not fake, henry.

I love you.

I'm not fake, henry.

I love you.

Well, I love you, too.

I love you.

Well, I love you, too.

And, dude, well, I love you, too.

And, dude, you take her to the club, and, dude, you take her to the club, it'll make bianca so jealous.

You take her to the club, it'll make bianca so jealous.

Yeah.

Ooh, wait.

It'll make bianca so jealous.

Yeah.

Ooh, wait.

What? Yeah.

Ooh, wait.

What? Wait for what? What? Wait for what? If I'm going to make bianca wait for what? If I'm going to make bianca jealous, let's really go for it.

If I'm going to make bianca jealous, let's really go for it.

Meaning? Jealous, let's really go for it.

Meaning? High school girl.

Meaning? High school girl.

And she's got to be all, like-- high school girl.

And she's got to be all, like-- I know what to do.

Well, happy valentine's day to me.

Happy valentine's day.

Welcome to club soda.

Happy valentine's day.

Welcome to club soda.

Happy valentine's day.

Welcome to-- happy valentine's day.

Welcome to-- hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Welcome to-- hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! There's too much talking hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! There's too much talking in the line! There's too much talking in the line! Now, just have your ids in the line! Now, just have your ids and tickets ready to show me.

Now, just have your ids and tickets ready to show me.

Okay? And tickets ready to show me.

Okay? I'm in charge! Okay? I'm in charge! Welcome to club soda.

I'm in charge! Welcome to club soda.

Happy valentine's day.

Welcome to club soda.

Happy valentine's day.

Hey, what up, dog? Happy valentine's day.

Hey, what up, dog? Happy v-day.

Hey, what up, dog? Happy v-day.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Happy v-day.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What? You got to be what? You got to be at least 13 to get in.

You got to be at least 13 to get in.

Well, we're all 14.

At least 13 to get in.

Well, we're all 14.

Wrong.

Well, we're all 14.

Wrong.

I know piper.

Wrong.

I know piper.

You're all nine.

I know piper.

You're all nine.

I'm not piper.

You're all nine.

I'm not piper.

My name is judy glickman.

I'm not piper.

My name is judy glickman.

This id is fake, judy.

My name is judy glickman.

This id is fake, judy.

Okay, are you going this id is fake, judy.

Okay, are you going to make this a thing? Okay, are you going to make this a thing? Sorry, kid.

To make this a thing? Sorry, kid.

Rules are rules.

Sorry, kid.

Rules are rules.

You better not-- come on, girls.

I'm still in charge! Welcome to club soda.

Happy valentine's day.

Welcome to happy valentine's day.

Welcome to oh, hey, char.

Welcome to oh, hey, char.

Hey, dude.

Oh, hey, char.

Hey, dude.

I didn't know hey, dude.

I didn't know you were coming here.

I didn't know you were coming here.

I wasn't planning to you were coming here.

I wasn't planning to until henry told me I wasn't planning to until henry told me about his date.

Until henry told me about his date.

Who, bianca? About his date.

Who, bianca? She's already who, bianca? She's already in there with mitch.

She's already in there with mitch.

[ Glass breaking ]

In there with mitch.

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Tires screeching ]

Henry found himself another date.

Who? Another date.

Who? I said all I can say.

Who? I said all I can say.

Okay.

Do you have a ticket? I said all I can say.

Okay.

Do you have a ticket? Nope.

Okay.

Do you have a ticket? Nope.

Well, then you can't-- nope.

Well, then you can't-- charlotte? Hey, dude! Dude! What can I get you? Soda.

Two cherry lime devils.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

These are for me.

Oh, hey, bianca.

Oh, hi, charlotte.

Hey, mitch.

Oh, hi, charlotte.

Hey, mitch.

So, did henry come with you? Hey, mitch.

So, did henry come with you? Nah.

He's man, I should buy her a soda.

I just can't believe she's not a real person.

Tiffany, show her she's not a real person.

Tiffany, show her how many different colors tiffany, show her how many different colors you can make your eyes.

Okay, okay.

Be normal.

Dang it.

What? How can I make bianca jealous what? How can I make bianca jealous if she won't even how can I make bianca jealous if she won't even look over here? If she won't even look over here? Why don't you take tiffany look over here? Why don't you take tiffany out on the dance floor? Why don't you take tiffany out on the dance floor? Show off a little? Out on the dance floor? Show off a little? Ooh, that's good.

Show off a little? Ooh, that's good.

Wait.

Ooh, that's good.

Wait.

Maybe you should check with ray wait.

Maybe you should check with ray or schwoz to make sure she can maybe you should check with ray or schwoz to make sure she can dance like a normal person.

Or schwoz to make sure she can dance like a normal person.

No offense.

Dance like a normal person.

No offense.

I'm tiffany.

No offense.

I'm tiffany.

I'll call them.

I'm tiffany.

I'll call them.

[ Phone beeping ]

I'll call them.

[ Phone beeping ]

Yeah, henry, what's up? [ Phone beeping ]

Yeah, henry, what's up? I need to know yeah, henry, what's up? I need to know if tiffany can dance.

I need to know if tiffany can dance.

Pfft.

She's a highly if tiffany can dance.

Pfft.

She's a highly sophisticated android.

Pfft.

She's a highly sophisticated android.

She can do anything, sophisticated android.

She can do anything, dance, fly a plane, she can do anything, dance, fly a plane, she's good with puppets.

Dance, fly a plane, she's good with puppets.

Cool.

She's good with puppets.

Cool.

Hey, are you on your way cool.

Hey, are you on your way to pick up my teacher? Hey, are you on your way to pick up my teacher? No.

I sent gooch to pick up my teacher? No.

I sent gooch to get her and bring her here.

No.

I sent gooch to get her and bring her here.

What? To get her and bring her here.

What? You can't bring her down what? You can't bring her down into the man cave.

You can't bring her down into the man cave.

You said we always have into the man cave.

You said we always have to keep the location a secret.

You said we always have to keep the location a secret.

She won't know anything.

To keep the location a secret.

She won't know anything.

Gooch picked her up, she won't know anything.

Gooch picked her up, put her in a sack, gooch picked her up, put her in a sack, and he's going put her in a sack, and he's going to send her down here when-- and he's going to send her down here when-- [ beeping ]

To send her down here when-- [ beeping ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Grunting ]

She's here.

I got to go.

[ Grunting ]

She's here.

I got to go.

Hey, make her happy.

She's here.

I got to go.

Hey, make her happy.

I need her to change hey, make her happy.

I need her to change my "f" into an "a".

I need her to change my "f" into an "a".

Yeah, blah, blah.

My "f" into an "a".

Yeah, blah, blah.

Bye bye.

Yeah, blah, blah.

Bye bye.

And give her some chicken.

Bye bye.

And give her some chicken.

Yeah, chicken.

[ Moaning ]

Ooh.

Well, hello, captain man.

Hello.

Well, hello, captain man.

Hello.

So hello.

So you going to stand there so you going to stand there looking handsome you going to stand there looking handsome or are you going to help me looking handsome or are you going to help me out of the sack? Or are you going to help me out of the sack? Oh, hey, is that chicken? Out of the sack? Oh, hey, is that chicken? Yes.

Can you dance like that? No.

You should take some lessons.

Uhcan I get you another entire chicken? Nah.

Entire chicken? Nah.

I can still chew nah.

I can still chew a little more off of this one.

I can still chew a little more off of this one.

Baby, baby, you take me back a little more off of this one.

Baby, baby, you take me back there, I said it, I said it baby, baby, you take me back there, I said it, I said it I said it, I said it there, I said it, I said it I said it, I said it oh, baby, baby I said it, I said it oh, baby, baby oh, I'm sorry, oh, baby, baby oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company.

No, no.

I didn't know you had company.

No, no.

Please stay.

No, no.

Please stay.

Please.

Please stay.

Please.

Come meet miss shapen.

Please.

Come meet miss shapen.

Sharona.

Come meet miss shapen.

Sharona.

Right.

Sharona.

Right.

Sharona shapen, right.

Sharona shapen, schwoz schwartz.

Sharona shapen, schwoz schwartz.

Schwoz schwartz, schwoz schwartz.

Schwoz schwartz, sharona shapen.

Schwoz schwartz, sharona shapen.

Nice to meet you.

Sharona shapen.

Nice to meet you.

Anyone mind nice to meet you.

Anyone mind if I take off my shoe? Anyone mind if I take off my shoe? Actually, if I take off my shoe? Actually, please don't take off your-- actually, please don't take off your-- oh.

That is a big toe.

Thanks.

Thank you.

How you doing, bianca? Thank you.

How you doing, bianca? Okay, thanks.

'Sup, baby.

I know you're not talking to me.

I know you're not talking to me.

Nope.

To me.

Nope.

I'm talking to this sweet thing nope.

I'm talking to this sweet thing right here.

I'm talking to this sweet thing right here.

Hey.

Right here.

Hey.

She's not a thing.

Hey.

She's not a thing.

She kind of is.

She's not a thing.

She kind of is.

Shh.

She kind of is.

Shh.

Want to dance? Shh.

Want to dance? You came here with bianca.

Want to dance? You came here with bianca.

It's not polite you came here with bianca.

It's not polite to dance with another girl.

It's not polite to dance with another girl.

It's not polite to dance with another girl.

It's not polite for me to dance it's not polite for me to dance on you face, either.

For me to dance on you face, either.

Well, lucky for you, on you face, either.

Well, lucky for you, my face isn't a floor.

Well, lucky for you, my face isn't a floor.

I'll be on the dance floor my face isn't a floor.

I'll be on the dance floor whenever you're ready.

Okay, that guy is just evil.

Yeah.

He is pretty evil.

Yeah.

He is pretty evil.

Evil? He is pretty evil.

Evil? Evil? Where's she tiffany? Hey, hey, here she comes.

Tiffany? Hey, hey, here she comes.

Get out of here.

Oh, okay, yeah.

No, I can get down with that.

Here we go.

Here, give me your hand.

That is a crazy dance.

So I have this sore on my back.

A sore? I have this sore on my back.

A sore? Uh-huh.

A sore? Uh-huh.

Maybe one day uh-huh.

Maybe one day you can drive me down maybe one day you can drive me down to the wound clinic.

You can drive me down to the wound clinic.

[ Phone rings ]

To the wound clinic.

[ Phone rings ]

I got to take this.

[ Phone rings ]

I got to take this.

Whoa.

I got to take this.

Whoa.

Well, who is it? Whoa.

Well, who is it? It doesn't matter.

Hey, kid, what's up? Ray, listen.

Tiffany's gone crazy.

Ray, listen.

Tiffany's gone crazy.

What? What's she doing? She's tossing mitch bilsky around like a big bag of fudge.

Mitch bilsky around like a big bag of fudge.

I don't wan like a big bag of fudge.

I don't wan to dance anymore.

She's going to really hurt him.

Ray, how do I stop her? To really hurt him.

Ray, how do I stop her? You just have to press ray, how do I stop her? You just have to press a small red button you just have to press a small red button on the back of her neck.

A small red button on the back of her neck.

Got it.

What are you going to do? Where are you going? Maybe I'll just sit down in here for a little while.

Help me! Look, it's kid danger! I love you, kid danger! He's so dreamy.

Hen-- kid danger, be careful! Thanks.

Thank you.

Obviously this girl has severe anger issues.

Obviously this girl has severe anger issues.

She really does.

Has severe anger issues.

She really does.

Right.

She really does.

Right.

So, I'm going to take her right.

So, I'm going to take her to therapy.

So, I'm going to take her to therapy.

[ Cheering ]

Well, I better go back to my date and her toe.

What's going on? Oh, I'm just going to take a little trip oh, I'm just going to take a little trip with your boss.

To take a little trip with your boss.

My boss? Schwoz is not-- with your boss.

My boss? Schwoz is not-- my boss, schwoz.

My boss? Schwoz is not-- my boss, schwoz.

Yes, okay.

My boss, schwoz.

Yes, okay.

He's going to take me yes, okay.

He's going to take me to the wound clinic.

He's going to take me to the wound clinic.

They love her there.

To the wound clinic.

They love her there.

I've heard.

They love her there.

I've heard.

Happy varlintine's day.

Up the tubes! There's no saving this chicken.

Hey, guys.

Long line for the bathroom.

What happened? Long line for the bathroom.

What happened? That girl you brought here, what happened? That girl you brought here, tiffany.

That girl you brought here, tiffany.

Yeah? Tiffany.

Yeah? She went crazy yeah? She went crazy and b*at up mitch bilsky.

She went crazy and b*at up mitch bilsky.

But then kid danger and b*at up mitch bilsky.

But then kid danger showed up and took her down.

But then kid danger showed up and took her down.

What? Showed up and took her down.

What? Yep.

What? Yep.

Wow.

Yep.

Wow.

Yeah, I mean, I thought you look really great tonight.

You have the prettiest eyes.

Okay, I'm going to go you have the prettiest eyes.

Okay, I'm going to go stand somewhere else now.

Okay, I'm going to go stand somewhere else now.

Cool.

Stand somewhere else now.

Cool.

So cool.

So you want to go out with me so you want to go out with me for valentine's next year? You want to go out with me for valentine's next year? It's a date.

For valentine's next year? It's a date.

Wait.

It's a date.

Wait.

What? Wait.

What? You can't kiss me.

What? You can't kiss me.

I'm still on a date with mitch.

You can't kiss me.

I'm still on a date with mitch.

I wasn't going to kiss you.

I'm still on a date with mitch.

I wasn't going to kiss you.

I was going to bite your nose.

I wasn't going to kiss you.

I was going to bite your nose.

Hey! I was going to bite your nose.

Hey! Quit biting my date's nose!