01x05 - Ditch Day

[bunniefuu]

- Your waffles are ready,
honey.

- Mmm.
- [sneezes]

- You know what,
I'll just have a banana.

- Come on.
It's still good.

[sneezes]

I'm so sorry.

I think I'm coming down
with a cold.

- Morning, guys.
- [farts]

- Phoebe!

- That wasn't me.
[farts]

- Okay, now you're just gross.

- I told you it wasn't--

Max, did you change my
ring tone?

[cell phone plays
fart sound]

- I upgraded your smartphone
to a fartphone.

You can thank me later.

- How about I thank you now?

Why must you people ruin
my breakfast?

- Honey, who's texting you
this early?

- It's cherry.

She's reminded me
about ditch day.

- Oh, I loved ditch day.

Skipping school,
having fun...

- [clears throat]

- And then hours of regret,

realizing I missed
an entire day of learning.

- Don't worry.
I'm not gonna let ditch day

ruin my lifetime
of perfect attendance.

- [coughs]
Nerd.

Sorry, coughed during that.

You're a nerd.

- Tell me that
when I'm at hero University,

and you're still living
in our parents' basement,

talking to rabbits.

- Max, you're not planning
on ditching school, are you?

- [coughs]
He is.

Sorry, I coughed
during that.

He is.

A bunch of kids
are going skateboarding.

- And I'm not gonna
be a part of that.

Not this guy, no way.

- Do we believe him?

- I choose to.

It makes life easier.

- [sneezes]

- All right,
let's get you to bed,

before you ruin lunch.

- Mm-hmm.

- Really?

You're going to school
on ditch day?

- Yeah, right after
I paint the house.

See ya, nerd.

- Have fun ice skating.

- I'm skateboarding.
- Not anymore.

[exhales]

- Oh, no!

[thud]

- Later, skater.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ 'cause we've livin' our lives
just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal ♪

♪ And stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- All right.

Got my music, my magazine,
my scented pillow.

- Oh, thanks,
I'll take that,

for my bruised butt.

- What are you doing here?

I thought
you were ditching.

- So did I, until
I double-checked my skip days,

and realized if I get
one more absence,

I have to go
to summer school.

I can't go to summer school.

I can barely make it
through winter school.

- Did you see how empty
this place is?

I thought there'd
at least be teachers here.

It's kind of creepy.

- ♪ Sittin' on a chicken
all day long ♪

♪ Strummin' a banjo
hummin' a song ♪

- No, that's creepy.

- Cheese and crackers!

You scared me.

What are you two
doing here?

- I'm here because
I want perfect attendance.

I can't speak for him.

But if I did,
it would sound like,

"doy, doy, doy, doy."

- Well, this is a treat.

I was gonna spend the day

looking at pictures
of my birds.

But since you're here,

we can all look at pictures
of my birds.

- Actually, Ms. Williams,
as the school secretary,

you could just
mark us here for the day,

and we could all leave.

- Oh, heavens no.

If I let you go
and you get mowed down

by a bus, that's on me.

Now, this little
troublemaker's name

is Canary Underwood.

Here's all of us
at whipper Willy Nelson's

birthday party.

Notice the worm-shaped cake--

whipper Willy's idea.

- That's it.

I can't take this anymore.

[exhales]

- Max, what are you doing?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you wanna hear
whipper Willy's wish

when he blew out
his candles?

To get away from her!

- You can't just
go around freezing people.

We could get discovered.

- And here's whipper Willy's
half birthday.

Birds can live
till their .

Well, you'll see.

- No, we won't.

- Nice freeze, pheebs.

So what do you wanna do?

- I'm just gonna sit here

and have a little
Phoebe time.

- Oh, come on.

The school's empty.

Let's go have some fun.

We never have any fun.

- We had fun that week
your mouth was wired shut.

Just go ahead.
I'm good here.

- Fine.

Have fun sitting on a chicken
all day long.

- Max!

I am not gonna
let him bait me.

I am not gonna let him
bait me.

I'm not gonna--
oh, that's it!

Max!

- A snowball in school?

How did he do it?

- Max, you've
gotta watch out.

Someone might see you
using your powers.

- There's no one here.

Which is a real shame,
'cause they're missing this.

- [sighs]

You wanna have fun, Max?

[exhales]

How's this for fun?

Eat snow.

- Wow. Nice sh*t.

- Thank you.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Aah, Max!

Max!

Ow!

- [chuckles]
Oh!

[both laugh]

Hey, you didn't
make your snowballs

out of toilet water,
did you?

- Just this one.

Smile.

[click]

- Do not post that.
- Really?

Don't post this where
everyone can see us

using our powers?

- That, and I told everyone
you weren't my sister.

Hey, wasn't today
apple pie day?

- [scoffs]
Please.

I am not gonna break
into the cafeteria,

and steal--
- they have ice cream.

- Race you there!

- What are you kids doing?

- We're gonna
watch a movie.

What are you doing?

- Well, since your mother's
not feeling well,

I'm gonna watch a film.

That's a movie
for grown-ups.

- Yes!

"Space kitties" it is.

- Ah, "space kitties?"

- I guess you won't
be needing this.

- Barb, the little ones
are sassing me again!

- Hank, just come
watch the movie

up here with me--
[sneezes]

ALL: Gross.

- "Space kitties" it is.

BOTH: "Space kitties!"

- Why don't you go see
if your brother and sister

wanna suffer
through this gem with me?

- Billy in the hole!

- Do not eat my popcorn.

Whee!

- I'm not afraid of her.

Maybe I'll just
wait till she gets back.

- Whee!

- Whee!
- Oh, not again!

[both grunt]

- Wait. Why are you and Max
hanging out?

- Yeah, and not fighting.

- You see it too?

Good.
I thought I was losing it.

- We actually had fun today.

- Yeah, it turns out
if no one else

is at school,
Phoebe's all right.

- Anyhow, we were
--getting along.

Look.

- Snow? In school?

No way. Pic pic.

- A pic pic?

- Yeah. It's a picture
of a picture.

- That's not a thing.

- Then how did I just do it?

- What's that, up there
on the wall?

- Yeah, Max,
what is that?

Oh, no, is that...

- It is.
- A security camera?

- The school got
a pic pic of you?

See, Nora,
it's catching on.

- No, this is bad.

This is really, really bad.

You see,
this is what happens

when I have fun with you.

- Okay, everyone just relax.

Yes, the camera caught us
using our super powers.

But this is an easy fix,
all right?

We just break
into the school--

- Break into the school?

- Look, the school records
say that

the security footage is kept
in the principal's office.

- Oh, so now we're also

breaking into
the principal's office?

- Fun, right?
BOTH: Yeah!

- No, not fun.

- I miss snowball Phoebe.
- [sighs]

- look, these
are simple hard drives.

And we're going to erase them
with this baby.

- What's that,
a magic wand?

- I'm not a magician.

- That's exactly
what a magician would say.

- It's a degausser magnet.

And we're gonna use it
to erase the security footage

in the principal's office.

- Sounds like a heist.

We want in.

- Me too.

I'll take out the guards.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No one's taking out anyone.

We don't need your help.

- But we're superheroes.

We need action.

Billy is getting soft.

- Max, where did you
get this moisturizer?

- That's my scab ointment.

- Whatever it is,
it's fantastic.

- Look, if you guys
wanna help,

you can just cover for us.

Tell mom and dad
we're going to the mall.

- Ooh, mom and dad.
Can I take them out?

- No!

You have got to get
that rabbit under control.

- Don't worry.
I'm getting us on that heist.

But first, we're gonna
need a pic pic.

- I'd give you a high-five,

but this stuff's
starting to burn.

- This goes against
everything I believe in.

- Breaking in?

- No, going to school twice
in one day.

Now, if one of us
senses trouble,

the code word is "porcupine."

- porcupine, got it.

- All right.
Watch and learn, Phoebe.

Breaking and entering
requires the delicate touch

of a surgeon and
the technical know-how of--

- it's already open.

- I loosened it for ya.

- Figured out
why the door is open.

[country music]

- Country Western
dancing club?

At our school?

- We gotta get out of here
before someone sees us.

- Too late.

You two are busted.

- Hedgehog.

Uh, opossum.

Armadillo?

- Porcupine?

- That's the one.

- I know exactly
why you two are here.

- Okay, so you
know our secret.

Just please
don't tell anyone.

Our parents will
be so mad at us.

- For liking a good hoedown?

- No for--
loving a good hoedown.

- Yes. Our parents
are very anti-hoedown.

- Well, your secret
is safe with me.

Let's go get you kids
some duds.

- Yeehaw.

- I think I like her better
as crazy bird lady.

- Wow, you must
be pretty important

to have a key to
the principal's office.

- Of course I do.

I'm the principal's wingman.

Tweet, tweet.

- And she's back.

- Hey, there's
the security system.

We just need
to erase the hard drive.

- Here you go. Duds.

- Oh, duds are clothes.

- Hurry on out.

No one's supposed
to be in here.

See ya on the dance floor.

- [sighs]
So close.

- Are you kidding?
We got this.

We just melt the lock
with our heat breath,

and erase
the security footage.

- No way. Our powers
got us into this mess

in the first place.

We need that key.

- And how do we get that?

- We dance, Max.
We dance.

[country music]

♪ ♪

- Could this get any worse?

- It's about to.

Ms. Williams,
Max wants to dance with you.

- You're on, partner!

- What are you doing?

- Trust me.
I have an idea.

Howdy, everybody.

[cheers and applause]

Let's put a little
up in your giddy

and scoot boogie
to the latest moves.

[cheers and applause]

[country music]

So grab a partner,
do-si-do,

round and round
and here we go.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Chicken in the outhouse,
ten feet wide.

Step to the left
and do the slide.

ALL: Whoo!

- Now raise your hands
up in the air,

and walk them boots
to the county fair.

ALL: Whoo-hoo!

- Swing your partner
round and round,

take your keys
and thrown 'em down.

- I love these
hip new dance moves.

- Clap your elbows,
slap your thighs.

Fox in the hen house,
cover your eyes.

Ugh. Not you, Max.

Well, everybody,
it's been fun.

Sorry to say,
but this gal's done.

[cheers and applause]

- Ohh.

Not so fast,
twinkle toes.

- What do I do?

- Let her lead.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Ahh.

You are good,
Phoebe thunderman.

Now, all I need to do
is wave the degaus--

wait. where is it?

[sighs]

Nora!

- No, captain whiskers,
it's too dangerous.

- Then it's a good thing
I've got nine lives.

- Oh, come on,
that would never happen.

- How do you know
what happens in space?

- I know that cats
can't steer spaceships.

They don't even have thumbs.

[phone chimes]

- I'm going to the kitchen
for a snack.

- I am also
going to the kitchen

for an unrelated snack.

- Hello, pheebs.

What's the haps?

- You know very well
what the haps is.

I need that degausser.

- No, you need us.

- Just bring it here.

- Say you need us.

- [sighs]
I need you.

- Now without the attitude.
- Nora!

- On our way.

- Pic pic strikes again.

- Hey, dad,
we're gonna go to bed.

[yawns]

- [yawns]

- Kiss your mom good night.

- [sneezes]

- Or just maybe wave
as you walk by.

- Lieutenant, you risked
your life to save me.

But why?

- Adios, gatos.

- Captain whiskers,
this may come as a shock,

but I am your father.

- [gasps]

I did not see that coming.

[country music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo!

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

[cheers and applause]

- You know,
I should stop.

I think I'm getting blisters
from these boots.

- Then let's get you
a bigger pair.

I think I've got some
in the principal's office.

Because this
is my favorite song.

- Well, what about
your feet?

- Oh, that's okay.

Blisters are
nature's bandages.

- Whoo-hoo!

[country music]

- But, sir, the ship
can't handle it.

- [meows]

- But, sir--
- [meowing fiercely]

- Hank, can you
check on the kids?

- On it.

[expl*si*n]

- Sir, we've
lost engine four.

We have to land
on planet canine.

- Hey, are you kids good?

[high-pitched voice]
Yeah, we're good.

You're the best dad ever.

[normal voice]
I love you.

Kids are good!

- Sorry we're late.

Someone stopped
for chocolate milk.

- Did you
bring the degausser?

- I knew I forgot something.

It's just so good.

[country music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- How are you feet
holding up?

- I don't know
if they can

technically
be called feet anymore.

- Poor thing.

Let me get that bandage
from the first aid closet.

Oh. Where are my keys?

- Your keys.

Uh, maybe you left them
in your car.

I'll get 'em for you
right now.

You got a brick?

- No, I threw them down.

Someone must've
grabbed them.

I gotta make sure no one's

breaking into
the principal's office.

- Oh, Ms. Williams--
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

[magnet humming]

- You're a sweet kid, Nora,
but step on it.

- Don't rush me.
I'm savoring the heist.

[country showdown music]

♪ ♪

- Uh, guys, who's that?

- Oh, no. We're busted.

She's gonna see the tapes

and find out
we're superheroes.

I knew this wouldn't work.

- Look, it worked!

- I never had a doubt.

Let's get out of here,
come on.

Pick up the pace...

And the pencils.

♪ ♪

- Well, look
what we have here.

- Oh, Ms. Williams,
I can explain everything.

- Is it so hard
to pick up a pencil?

What did you
want to explain, Max?

- Uh--

- We zapped the footage.

- What was that?

- I said I wrapped
my footage.

And I found your keys.

- Well, aren't you
a gentleman?

You know what I owe you?

One last do-si-do.

- I'm gonna have
to give that no-si-no.

Aah. Aah. Aah.

- That's one small step
for kitties,

one giant leap
for kitty kind.

- I respect what you did,
lieutenant furball.

- Call me...
[gasps]

dad.

[door opens]

- Whoa. What happened here?

- [sniffles]
Kids, we're getting a cat.

- But we're allergic.

- I don't care.

- [sneezes]

- I should check
on your mother.

- Wait. Before you do that--

- We have something
we need to tell you.

- Right.
I almost forgot.

We just wanted
to tell you that

you're a really great dad.

- No.

Lieutenant furball is.

And now he's gone.

[crying]

[sobbing]

- And add that to
the list of things I want

to forget about tonight.

- Come on, seriously,
you had fun.

- [sighs]
I did.

Especially when
I took this picture of you,

dancing with Ms. williaMs.

- Phoebe, give me that
right now.

- Not before I post it.
- Phoebe!

Phoebe, this is not fun.

Ow! Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Come on, come on.
- Oh! Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh! Ow!