01x09 - Weird Science Fair

[bunniefuu]

- Hey, guys, whatcha doin'?

- Working on our project
for the school science fair.

- Oh, my gosh!

I love science fairs.

They've got all
the fun of homework

mixed with the thrill
of academic competition.

That sounded a lot cooler
in my head.

- I'm making a potato clock.

Check it out.

- All you did was turn it
into French fries.

- I know, I can't work
on an empty stomach.

- So, Billy,
what's your project?

- I'm making...These!

- Mop socks?

So you're gonna clean the floor

with your feet?

- Hey, that works too!

- Let's try it out.

- Wow, that's way better
than hairy foot puppets.

- Not bad, guys.

Just don't say "science fair"
around Max.

It stirs up bad memories.

- Just from saying science f--

- shh! yes.

- Why?
What'll happen?

- Trust me,
he'll totally freak.

- Well, now we have to do it.

- Yep.
- No.

BOTH: Science fair!

- Who said science fair--
[screams]

[wood splinters]

BOTH: Worth it!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in,
bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ 'cause we're living our lives
just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe,
it's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- Sorry we said
"science fair," Max.

- Phoebe told us to do it.

- I did not.

The last thing I wanted was
for Max to hear those words.

Now we have to listen to his
bitter, long-winded st--

- it was five years ago.

Back in metroburg, I was
an idealistic fourth-grader

dreaming of science fair glory.

I built a device that can make
anything ten times bigger.

The other projects
didn't stand a chance.

Especially Phoebe's.

- Your project
doesn't stand a chance.

- My mouse light rocks.

- But when I turned on
the grow-matic...

I was humiliated.

I saw my science fair dreams
crash to the ground.

- And who ended up winning?

- Some undeserving nobody.

- I won.

- That's what I said.

What I didn't appreciate

was how you rubbed
your medal in my face.

- You like that?

This is what
first place feels like.

Mouse light!

[cheers and applause]

- You're exaggerating.

What I did was this.

Uh-huh, uh-uh-uh-huh.
Uh--

- okay, I get it, I get it,
I get it.

If there were any justice,
I'd be doing that dance.

Well, not that dance.

That was stupid.

- You still wear your medal?

- Always.

You get used to the rash.

Right, Max?

Oh, wait, you don't
have a rash.

- You'll see.

I'll have my day in the sun.

Nora, on a completely
unrelated note,

how would you like some
help with your project?

- Um, we're not supposed to
have help.

- I'll just be making
some suggestions.

Like mind your own business.

- Well, as long as you
don't do all the work,

I guess it would be okay.

- Hey, if she gets help,
I want help too.

- Don't worry, Billy.

I'll help you.

And, unlike some people,
I'm doing it because I care.

Not because I'm trying to work
through some childhood issues.

- Please, this has nothing to do
with my childhood.

Come on, mini Max,
we got work to do.

I feel a rash comin' on.

- Oh, this is why I retired.

I get to watch
six uninterrupted hours

of thunder man's
greatest bad guy takedowns.

- Hank, I was thinking.

- Well, that's over.

- If our goal was

to move to the suburbs
to live a normal life,

we need to a better job
of fitting in.

- I'm fitting perfectly
into this couch.

- Yes, and we're all very proud
of your butt dent.

But don't you think
we could do a better job

of interacting
with our neighbors?

- What did you do, Barb?

- I signed us up
to host a book club.

- Oh, man, I don't wanna
be a in a book club!

- Come on.

Trust me.
This week's book

is the countess
of winterberry gables.

This is a story of--
- [snores]

- Oh, come on!

- All right,
I'll make you a deal,

you do this book club with me,

I'll make you anything
you want for dinner.

- I want
the meaturduckballizza.

- You just made that up.

- There's nothing made up about
meatloaf wrapped in turkey

wrapped in duck wrapped in
meatballs wrapped in pizza.

It's meat illustrated's--
food of the year.

They say it's like biting
into a meat rainbow.

- [sighs]
Fine.

Here's your book.

I'll make you this--
- say it!

- Meaturduckballizza.

- Meaturduckballizza!

[cackles]

- Check it out!

Since mop socks are
"too dangerous,"

I took one of them and put it
on the end of a long pole.

- So you made a mop?

- I'm not following.

- Hey, what were
your other ideas?

- I have got a ton.

Mop hat, mop soup bowl,
mop watch, mop--

- all great ideas, but why
don't we do something classic

and less mop-y?

- Ham phone?

- How about a model volcano?

- All right, but the ham phone
was already built.

[phone rings]

Ham phone.
This is Billy.

- Okay, let's do this.

Hmm.

"as the sun rose over
winterberry gables

on that autumnal morn--"

and we're done here.

Sorry, Barb.

Ow!

- Oh, I just finished
reading the book.

So romantic.

Did you cry?

- Well, let's just say
it hit me pretty hard.

- You haven't read it yet,
have you?

- Oh, of course I have.

It's just I got so many
thoughts about it.

How am I gonna remember them
all at book club?

- Oh, it's no big deal.

You just scribble all your notes

in the margins like I did.

See?
Easy.

- Oh.

Well, you sure do
have a lot of notes.

And now so do I.

- Here it is, Nora.

The triumphant return

of the greatest science fair
project ever.

The grow-matic ..

- Hmm, it needs a bow.

- No bows.

Hey, here's a thought.

If you want to help,

why don't you
go make me a sandwich?

- And don't be stingy with
the lettuce, doll face.

- Hey, Nora.
- Hey, sis.

- Hey, Max, DOD you have any--

what is that?

I thought you guys were
making a potato clock.

- No, this is
the grow-matic ..

- So it's gonna melt things
twice as fast?

- No, it's gonna win me
the science fair

I should have won
five years ago.

That's right.
I got issues!

- Face it, Max.

Even if your machine
hadn't broken,

I still would have won.

Mouse light!

- Well, Phoebe, that was then
and this is now.

- Stay cool, colosso.

It's just a giant carrot.

There's no reason
to--let me at it!

- Wow, that's--that's actually
pretty impressive.

- Of course.

What did you think
I was gonna do?

Make some lame model volcano?

- [nervous laugh]
"model volcano?"

that's the stupidest--coming,
Billy!

- Still a few kinks to work out.

- Hey, I'm not picky.

Just sop it up and squeegee
it in my mouth.

- Volcano's out, Billy.

- I got lava from Hawaii
for nothing?

Why do I have a ham phone
if you're not gonna use it?

- We're gonna
need to think bigger.

- Bigger or mop-ier.

- You know what?

Why don't I get started on this

and you can go
get us some supplies.

- Okay.
What kind of supplies?

- Yeah, that sounds perfect.

- Lisa, I just wanna say
we are so excited

to be part of your book club.

- Oh.
- Isn't that right, Hank?

- Absolutely.

Although I'm noticing nobody
brought any foods

that are wrapped in more
than one other food.

- Let's, um, put a pin in that

and talk about the book.

Hank, why don't you
start us off?

- Excuse me?

- Well, since Hank and I
are new,

maybe someone else
wants to go first.

- Oh, don't be silly.

No one's gonna judge you.

Go ahead, Hank.

- All right.

Just let me get my notes.

I believe the countess's
troubles were all in her head.

- Interesting.

Go on.

- Oh.
Sure.

I think that because she was
insecure within the kingdom,

she could never fully
commit to the count

vis-a-vis their courtship.

- Wow, that is--
- unbelievable?

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

- And so insightful.

- Well, I mean,
what can I tell you?

I've always fancied myself
a member of the literati.

- Barb, you've got yourself
a real keeper here.

I can see how
he stole your heart.

- That's not all he stole.

- Who wants to hear me
say other things?

- A-ha!
There's the toaster.

Hand it over.

Billy needs the parts
for his project.

- I do?

- Sorry, Nora needs
the parts for her project.

- I do?

- Fine.
I'll just take it then.

- It's mine.

- I need the parts!

- No, Phoebe, let go.
- No, you let go.

- No, seriously.

- I need it a lot more
than you do.

[overlapping arguing]

- You're so annoying!

- I want that one!
- No, gimme that one!

- I saw it first!
- Phoebe, this is mine.

No, seriously.
[overlapping arguing]

- guys!

Why are you fighting?

- Yeah, this is our science
fair, not yours.

BOTH: Stay out of this!

[overlapping arguing]

- How's your project coming?

- Max took it over.
You?

- Phoebe and I are
having a great time.

- Billy, how's it coming
with that sandwich? Over.

- Yeah, I'm living a lie.

- Ew, you're licking her baloney
just to get back at her?

- No, I always do this.

- Hmm.

I think I know a way we
can teach them a lesson.

[whispers]

- Hey, honey, I can't find
the upstairs remote.

- Well, maybe it
was stolen by someone

who claimed it was theirs
and everyone fawned all over

how great and original
their remote was.

- That doesn't sound
super likely.

- Hank, you cheated
at book club.

You copied my notes and then you
passed them off as your own.

- Honey, that's crazy.

People have similar
thoughts all the time,

especially people who are
happily married and in love.

- Mm-hmm.

- You know, your problem

is you're just like
that countess in that book.

You never trust people.

- That's not even
what happened!

- I know a certain book club
that would disagree with you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think
you're going with that?

- Uh, I was just--

- I've been looking
for this remote all night.

- Good night.

- You know, this book club
is a good idea.

I'm actually looking forward
to discussing this new book

at the next meeting.

- So am I.

Let's see how you do
with these notes.

- Don't touch that.

I'm sorry.

It's your project,
you can touch it.

Just not there.

- Mop gloves?

You're living the dream, kid.

- What's that?
A fan?

- No, it's a super efficient,
bi-directional wind turbine

that can generate enough energy
to power the entire school

for a whole year.

- So it's a big fan.

Sorry, sis, but this is
grow-matic's time to shine.

- The only thing that's gonna
shine is the floor

after I mop it with you.

Not now, Billy.

- You ready to stick it
to Phoebe and Max?

- Operation sibling sabotage
is a go.

- Are we really gonna
call it that?

- Can't something
be mine today?

- If it's okay with our hostess,
let's get started.

So, um, where's Hank?

- Good question.

Hank?

- Did someone say my name?

- Oh, this should be fun.

- I trust you all had
an enlightening week.

I, myself,
watched a documentary

on the history
of documentaries.

- So kind of you
to join us, Professor.

What's--what's goin' on
with all that?

- It's an academic beard,
Barbara.

All the most smartest men
have them.

- Hank, would you
do the honors

of starting out
our discussion?

- Yes, Hank,
what did you think?

- Well, as I was reading--
which I do--

I thought it was interesting
when the Duchess gave birth

to the qu'orlox leader's
cyborg baby.

- Cyborg baby?

- Oh, and don't get me started
on the part

where count Murray
had that mind scorpion

implanted in his brain.

Wow.

- And then
the Duchess was all,

"I brought you into this world.
I can take you out."

and the cyborg baby pulls out
an omega laser

and is all, "I'd wike
to see you twy."

- please, no more.

- Did you even read this book?

Because there
is no cyborg baby in here.

- No baby?
Um...

Barb, you must remember
the cyborg baby part.

- I have no idea
what he's talking about.

I mean, Professor over here,
right, guys.

- But these are your notes.

I just copied 'em.
- [gasps]

- she promised me a meat dinner.

- You cheated.

You're not a scholar at all.

- You are an embarrassment
to elbow patches.

[cloth tears]
- [yelps]

- Let's continue this
at my house.

Barb, are you coming?

- Wouldn't miss it.

- Wait.

You can't kick me
out of book club.

I have a beard!

- So, Mr. Thunderman,
what do you have for us?

- This is Mr. Windy, my fan.

- You mean your high-efficiency,
bi-directional

power-generating wind turbine,
right?

- Sorry.
My big fan.

- And what does it do?
- I don't know.

- I think what Billy means by
"I don't know,"

is that Mr. windy
generates power

by harnessing the energy
of room air currents

and amplifying them.

I'm guessing.

Why don't you give them
a demonstration?

- The button's are stuck.

And I'm afraid if I push them
too hard it'll break.

- I'm just gonna
give him a hand.

Wait, that's not right.

That's spinning the wrong way.

It won't stop.
Why won't it stop?

- [laughs]

- Tah-dah!

- Big sister
reliving her glory days?

- Yup.

- Then I'm afraid
you're disqualified.

Both of you.

- Wh--you can't disqualify me.

I'm a champion.

I've got a medal.

- Well, on behalf of scientists
everywhere, give me that.

- [whimpers]

- Tough luck, sis.

Good people of science, you have
suffered through enough duds.

Heh! You deserve to see
true greatness.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present--

- I'll take it from here, Nora.

Behold, the grow-matic .!

Did I expand the tomato,
or did I expand your mind?

- Why, an invention like this
could end world hunger.

Congratulations,
Nora thunderman.

You are this year's
science fair winner.

- Thank you so much.

I'm--i'm just gonna--gonna
hold this for her.

[giggles]
You're home now, buddy.

You're home.

- Uh, shouldn't you
turn that off?

- You got it, hottie.

Uh--
[nervous laugh]

No problem here.

Just a little minor malfunction.

[both laugh]

- What did you guys do?

- Just taught you both
a lesson.

- Yeah, don't mess
with tomatoes.

- No.

Don't take over
your siblings' projects.

- Oh, hey, that works too.

- Uh, in light of this debacle,
gimme that.

- [yelps]

- Uh, well, I mean, technically
it did what I wanted

and nothing melted.

- Uh, Max?

- Come on!

- So how was the science fair?

- I'd rather not
talk about it.

- How was book club?

- Also would rather
not talk about it.

- But your father learned
a valuable lesson

about doing things for himself.

- That's right,
which is why I cooked dinner.

I give you the
meaturduckballizza!

- I say we order pizza.

- Pizza's in this!

Don't listen to them.

You're beautiful.

- You need some time alone?

- If you don't mind.

[all agree]

You've got a one-way ticket
to tummy town.

Oh, heck, who am I kiddin'?

[excited laughter]