Transcripts - Forever Dreaming

Amen.

Amen.

How'd it go, tom?

Thrashed them.
Led all the way.

Thank you, Perkins.

The new ones
are trouble this evening,
Christopher.

Any news of Julian?
I suppose he's
all right, is he?

Julian,
yes, he's fine.

I think he went
down to London.

I ordered the '45.

Jack. Jack,
i don't seem to...

Jack, what a surprise.

What do you
mean surprise?

Not out plying
your trade?

Doesn't suit you,
Desmond.

What trade is that,
Christopher?

I see you as a species
of medieval peddler
selling relics of the saints

of dubious authenticity.

Fair play, Christopher.
Jack's no Roman.
I can vouch for that.

I speak metaphorically, Harry.
Jack's trade is
the manufacture

and supply of easy answers
to difficult questions.

What's he say?

He says Jack has...

^- Rupert,
i wonder if I could...
^- Warnie...

I've been meaning to ask you
about your brother's books.

Does he actually
know any children?

Children? Jack?
I don't think so.

How on earth
does he pull it off?

Barker, this isn't
the chambertin '45.

To the best
of my belief, it is, sir.

^- Just one moment, sir.
^- No, Nick.

No,
you do not agree with Marcus.
You disagree with Marcus.

But Marcus says
he agrees with me...

Marcus has no real
grasp of his own
thought processes.

Also, he tells
the most terrible lies.

I'm intrigued, Jack.
Apparently,

you don't know
any actual children.

That's balderdash.

I'm sure Rupert can spare
one or two of his brood.

Jack, you forgot my wine.

It's there.

Thank you, barker.

I don't see why...

Who says I don't
know any children?

^- Who?
^- Warnie.

My brother was
a child once, Rupert.

And, as unlikely as
it may seem, so was I.

It's Thursday tomorrow, Jack.

The week's almost
gone and I haven't
done half my letters.

You don't have
to write back...

Don't have to
write back, I know.

It only encourages them.

Yes, yes, yes.

"Mr. c.S. Lewis
thanks you for your letter,

"but has nothing
whatsoever to say in reply."

It's going to be
quite a frost tonight, warnie.

Too many stars.
Confuses me.

Nightcap?

I don't think so.

Now, now...

London tomorrow.

Who are you lecturing,
disabled veterans?

Church widows?

Association of
Christian teachers.

'Night, Jack.

'Night, warnie.

A garden, enclosed by a high
wall. Inside the garden,
a fountain.

In the fountain,
two crystal stones.

In the crystals,
in reflection, a rose garden.

In the midst of the roses,
one perfect rosebud.

Guillaume de lorris
is using the rosebud,
of course, as an image.

But an image of what?

Love?

What kind of love?

Untouched?
Unopened like a bud?

Yes, more.

Perfect love?

What makes it perfect?
Come on. Wake up.

Is it the courtly
ideal of love?

What is that?
What is its one
essential quality?

Unattainability.

The most intense joy
lies not in the having
but in the desiring.

The delight
that never fades...

The bliss that is eternal
is only yours when
what you most desire

is just out of reach.

What was that,
Mr. whistler?

Nothing, Mr. Lewis.

If you disagree
with me, say so.

Fight me. I can take it.

Even I can't fight
on both sides at once,
you know.

At least I can,
but I'm liable to win.

Why is the beer in
this pub always cold?

Now, Mr. egan.

Cold beer.

Chills the stomach.
Has no taste.

I have a complaint
about the wardrobe.

Complaint?
Our children love it.

I will not have
another blasted conversation

^- about Jack's blasted nursery.

No. No, listen, listen.

In the book,
you describe the house

as belonging to
an old professor

who has no wife,
and yet...

You say that when
the little girl
enters the magic wardrobe

she finds it
full of fur coats.

Very good, Eddie.

Not bad.

It's simple.
They belong to
the professor's old mother.

Simple.

So to reach the
magic world

the child must push through
the "mother's fur"?

No. I won't have that,
John. That's none of

your
hand-me-down freudianism...

But the imagery is
Christian, surely?

No, Harry, it's what it is.
It's just itself.

It's... it's just magic.

Magic. Look.

Let me show you.
The child steps
into the wardrobe.

The coats are
thick and heavy.

What about the fur?

Fur's not important, John.

The child must push through.

They're pressing close,
almost suffocating

and suddenly,
there's white light.
Crisp, cold air.

Trees. Snow.

Total contrast, you see.

It's the gateway
to a magical world.

What time is it?

Good lord, my train.

Anyway. Well...

See you all
tomorrow. Bye.

Bye.

Cheerio, Jack.
See you then.

Goodbye, Mr. Lewis.

Yesterday,
i received a letter

that referred to an
event that took place

almost a year ago now.
December 4, 1951.

My correspondent
hadn't forgotten.
I doubt if any of us have.

That was the night

a number one bus
drove into a column

of young royal marine cadets

in chatham and
k*lled 24 of them.

You remember?

And the letter asks
some simple but
fundamental questions.

Where was god
on that December night?

Why didn't he stop it?

Isn't god supposed
to be good?

Isn't he supposed
to love us?

And does god
want us to suffer?

What if the answer
to that question is yes?

'Cause I'm not sure
that god particularly
wants us to be happy.

I think he wants us
to be able to
love and be loved.

He wants us to grow up.

I suggest to you
that it is
because god loves us

that he makes us
the gift of suffering.

To put it another way,

pain is god's megaphone
to rouse a deaf world.

You see, we are like
blocks of stone

out of which
the sculptor carves

the forms of men.

The blows of his chisel,
which hurt us so much

are what make us perfect.

Thank you very much.

A woman has had
a dream about me.

She writes to ask
if I've had a dream about her.

I had a strange
dream last night.

Another letter
from Mrs. gresham?

I can't remember
any of it.

The Jewish, communist,
Christian American?

You may ask me how
i know it was strange
if I've forgotten it.

Can't answer that one.

I like her letters.
She can be quite
sharp sometimes.

Listen to this, warnie.

She says, "i can't
decide whether you'd
rather be the child

"caught in the spell
or the magician casting it."

Her letters are
rather unusual.

She writes as if
she knows me somehow.

Still, I suppose
there is something of
me in my books, isn't there?

I expect it's just
the American style.

Americans don't understand
about inhibitions.

She's coming to england.

No, she's coming to Oxford.
She wants to meet us.

Well, she can't come here.

No, of course not,

but she does
suggest tea in a hotel.

Tea is safe.
A hotel is safe.

Though she might be mad.

No, I don't think so.
She does write poems.

Poems?

She'll be barking.

You won't be
too agreeable, will you, Jack?

Don't worry, warnie.
I won't.

She'll turn out to be
writing
a dissertation on wardrobes.

She'll ask whether
she can come and watch
you while you create.

She'll say,
"I'll sit in a corner.
You'll never know I'm there."

It's only tea, warnie.

An hour or so of
polite conversation,
then we go home,

and everything goes on
just the way it always has.

Shall we have
some sandwiches?

I wonder if they
do toasted teacakes?

Excuse me, I'm here
to meet Mr.
c.S. Lewis, the writer.

Yes, madam.

Well, do you know
what he looks like?

No, madam.

Well, he doesn't know
what I look like, either.

Yes, madam.

Any ideas?

No, madam.

Anybody here
called Lewis?

Mrs. gresham?
How do you do?

A pleasure.

This is my
brother, warnie.

Major Lewis.

Now, please,
sit down.

So you managed
to find us.

Yes, I used
the guide,

and so, you see...
It's just that you

don't look at all like c.S.
Lewis.

Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you,

not to mention
the rest of Oxford.

Well, so you don't
like that?

Well, I'm not what
you might call
a public figure, Mrs. gresham.

Oh, you're not?

I mean, you write
all these books,

and you give
all those talks,

and everything
just so everybody
will leave you alone?

Oh, dear.

We've only just met,
and already you
see right through me.

Tell me,
do you drink tea?

Tea, sure.

It's england, right?

So it is.

Waiter.

Actually, look,
I'm a little in awe of you,
and so I'm a little tense.

And when I get like that,
i get kind of... I don't know.

It's very childish.
I'm sure I'll
get over it soon.

Not too soon, I hope, please,

'cause I like
a good fight myself.

You do?

Yes.

You sound surprised.

No. No, that's great.
You like a good fight. Great.

But?

When's the last
time you lost?

Well, I've been
at Magdalen since 1925.

It's just beautiful
here. How old is it?

The college was founded
very nearly 500 years ago.

Not all the buildings
are that old, of course.

My room is there.
That's the new building.

New, huh?

1733.

What does your husband do,
Mrs. gresham?

Oh, bill?
Bill's a writer.

And you, too,
Jack tells me.

You call him Jack?

I never liked
the name clive.

Well, if you're
a Jack...

What?

No, you look fine
for a Jack.

Thank you.

Well, Jewish,
but not Jewish-Jewish,
if you can follow that.

I mean,
I'm a Christian, but I was

brought up to be
a good atheist.

An atheist?

Don't sound
so shocked.

I'm not.
I was an atheist once.

You? So we're
both lapsed atheists?

Yes, but I was
never a communist.

Why not?

What do you mean,
"why not," Mrs. gresham?

Well, I mean,
back in '38, it seemed to me

there was only two choices.
Either you were a fascist

and you conquered the world,
or you were
a communist and you saved it.

Is that so?

I must have been
otherwise engaged at the time.

There's a world
worth saving.

At dawn, on the first
of may every year,

the choristers from
the choir school

stand up here and
sing to the rising sun.

They say they draw
quite a crowd.

What do they sing?

I can't say I've ever
risen early
enough to hear them.

Oh, why not? I mean,
it sounds wonderful.

Well, I don't really go in
for seeing the sights.

Oh!

So what do you do?
Just walk around
with your eyes shut?

You know, Mrs. gresham,
i almost don't know
what to say to you.

Good lord!

How long do you plan
to stay in england, Mrs.
gresham?

Till the end of December.

Are you expecting
to be in Oxford again?

Well, I hadn't
planned on it.

What do you say,
warnie?

Do you think we could rise
to a pot of home-brewed tea?

Yes, I think
we can manage that.

Given adequate
warning, of course.

Do you think
i could bring my son?

Douglas is such a big fan
of your narnia books.

He'd love to meet you.

Yes, of course.

I'll give you
plenty of warning.

It was a pleasure
meeting you, Mr. Lewis.
Thanks for everything.

Well, see you soon.

Yes. Major Lewis.

^- Mrs. gresham.
^- Safe journey.

^- Thank you.
^- Goodbye.

Does one wait for
the train to leave?

Character and plot.

Chicken and egg.

Which comes first?

Aristotle's solution
was simple and radical.

He said,
"plot is character."

Forget psychology.
Forget
the inside of men's heads.

Judge them
by their actions.

For example,
Mr. whistler's asleep.

Now, from that action
i take it that

he has no interest
in what I have to say.

The puzzle is,
that being the case,
why is he here at all?

So we construct a plot
from Mr. whistler's actions.

He comes.
He sleeps.

Now, Aristotle would say
that the next
question is not "why?"

But, "what is Mr. whistler
going to do next?"

Good morning,
Mr. whistler.

You know, my class
is not compulsory,

neither are my chairs
very comfortable.
I suggest that...

All right, I'm going.

Thank you.

He comes. He sleeps. He goes.
So the plot thickens.

It's all right, warnie.
She sails back to new
York after Christmas.

One can always be so much
more friendly to
people who can't stay long.

I wonder what her
husband thinks of

her gallivanting
around england like this.

It's not the
middle ages, warnie.

She'll make you listen
to one of her poems.
I'll bet you 10 Bob.

Then she'll say to you,
"how do you like it, Mr.
Lewis?"

And you'll be stumped.

Then I shall say,
"Mrs. gresham,

"only you could
have written that."

Blast.

That'll
be ?1.09, madam.

Keep the change.

Hello,
you must be Douglas.

Are you him?

No, I'm his brother.

So you found us,
Mrs. gresham?

Well, the driver did.

Come in.

There we go.

There we are.

That's him.

Do go in.

Here you are then.

^- Hello.
^- All right. Good.

Hello, sorry,
my hands are...

We really appreciate this, Mr.
Lewis.

You've no idea how Douglas
was looking forward to today.

So you're Douglas.

Will he write in my book?

Ask him.

I told him you would
write in his narnia book.
Do you mind?

No, of course not.

Yes.

"To Douglas," yes?

Douglas, yes.

Ask him about the attic.

Oh! He wants to know
if you have an attic.
You can ask him these things.

We do.

Here you are.

What does it say, honey?

"The magic never ends."

Well, if it does, sue him.

Thank you, Mrs. young.
Thank you.

I'd sure like
to see the attic.

Then you shall.

Come along, young man.
Let's go find it.

Thank you, major Lewis.

Oh! Jack was
particularly hoping that you'd
introduce him to your poetry.

Now, we've got to find
the key. Mrs. young...

Don't worry,
i don't inflict my
poems on innocent strangers.

Not strangers, I hope.

What about some of that
long promised tea?

Yes, please.

You take milk,
don't you?

Yes.

No, I'd be interested
to know about your poems.

What do you want
to know about them?

How long they are?

Their rhyme schemes?
Their major influences?

Quite right, of course.
You take sugar?

Sure.

No, you're quite right.

Well, would you be so kind
as to introduce me

to the poems themselves?

Well, I'm not sure.

I won't be rude
about them.

What will you do?
Stay silent or tell lies?

No, I shall choose
when I've heard one.

All right.

You know, I have won
a national poetry award

shared with Robert frost.

I'm impressed.

Well, let's hope
you stay that way.

Uh... let's get this
out of the way.

I'll give you an early one.
That way I'm covered.

I wrote this when I was 22,
Spanish civil w*r.

It's called
snow in Madrid.

"Softly, so casual

"lovely, so light, so light

"the cruel sky
lets fall something
one does not fight

"men while perishing..."

Sorry.

"Men before perishing
see with
unwounded eye, for once

"a gentle thing
fall from the sky"

embarrassed, huh?

No, I'm touched.

^- Touched?
^- Yes.

Touched? That's good.
That's about its level.

So you may ask,
when was I ever

in Madrid?
The answer is, never.

Well, personal experience
isn't everything.

I disagree.
I think personal
experience is everything.

So reading is
a waste of time?

No, it's not a waste of time,
but reading is safe, isn't it?

Books aren't
about to hurt you.

Why should one
want to be hurt?

That's when we learn.

Well, just because
something hurts, it doesn't

make it more true
or more significant.

No, I guess not.

I'm not saying that
pain is
purposeless or even neutral,

but to find meaning in pain,
there has to be
something else.

Pain is a tool.

If you like,
pain is god's megaphone...

Megaphone to
rouse a deaf world.

How embarrassing.

You know my writing
too well, don't you?

I have read most of it.

I guess I knew you
pretty well before we met.

But you'd not had
the personal experience.

Mr. Lewis, I...

I have to stop calling you Mr.
Lewis.
It makes me feel like a kid.

Can I call you Jack?

Yes, of course.

Jack, I'm joy.

Well, hello, joy.

So, Jack...

Have you ever
been really hurt?

You don't give up,
do you?

Here we are.
Mind how you go.
Let's turn a light on.

Does anybody
ever come up here?

Not anymore.

Yes, of course, come in.

Right, here we are.
That's warnie's desk.
This is mine.

It's not very orderly
in here, I'm afraid.

Well, you keep order
in your mind, right?

Yes.

Oh, that's nice.

Is it someplace real?

I think so.

It's called
the golden valley, I believe.

Somewhere in herefordshire.

Somewhere special?

In a way.

It was on our nursery
wall when I was a child.

I didn't know it
was a real place then.

I thought it was
a view of heaven.

The promised land.

Yes, I used to think
that one day

I'd come round
a bend in the road

or over the brow
of a hill,

and there it would be.

I have been
really hurt, you know?

First time is
always the worst.

That was when
my mother d*ed.

How old were you?

Nine.

That's old enough to hurt.

Oh, yes.

It was the end
of my world.

I remember my
father in tears.

Voices all over
the house.

Doors shutting
and opening.

It was a big house,
all long empty corridors.

I remember I had a toothache,
and I

wanted my
mother to come to me.

I cried for her to come,
but she didn't come.

And after death...

Did you believe
you'd meet her again?

No.

I don't think I had
any faith in
anything when I was a child.

She was gone.
That was all.

And still you listen for the
footsteps coming
down the corridors,

but they don't come.

Yes.

You should see the garden
before it gets dark.

Yes, I'd like that.

You'll need a coat.

I have one right here.

There's a lake, mum,
a wood with a lake.

Oh, good.

It's really
a flooded Clay-pit...

Come and see, mum.

^- ...for the old brick works.
^- He's all yours now.

Be careful, Douglas.
Douglas.

Sun's well over
the yardarm.

^- Does he miss home?
^- Oh, sure.

I mean, he'd like to be
home for Christmas,

but, well, it just hasn't
worked out that way.

What are you
doing for Christmas?

Some lucky
English hotel, I expect.

So your husband
will have to look
after himself. Is that it?

Yes, he's pretty
good at that.

The lake is much
older than the house,
of course.

They say shelley used
to sail paper boats here.

All made out of early drafts
of his poems, no doubt.

I don't like to think of you
christmassing in a hotel.

Why don't you come here?
You're very welcome.

Oh, no.

You don't want
a couple of Yankees
rampaging all over your house.

Well, I'd speak to warnie,
of course, but...

Why don't we go inside?

Speaking for myself,
I'd welcome the company.

Somehow, Christmas makes
more sense when there
are children around.

I suppose we
ought to get a tree.

What I really resent is the
presumption of good will.

I feel no good will towards
my fellow man, whatever.
I feel ill will.

It'll be different
this year, of course.
More cheerful, I've no doubt.

What's that, warnie?

A festive season.

I'm afraid Christmas,
as I remember it,
is rather a lost cause.

Exactly, it's because
we've lost the magic.

No more
blasted magic.

Well, you tell people
it's about taking care
of the poor and needy,

and naturally,
they don't even listen,
do they?

The poor and needy
do come into it, you know.

No room at the inn, remember?
For mother and child?

Jack's invited
them to stay with us.

Who?

Mother and child.

Mrs. gresham and her son.
They're spending
Christmas with us.

Well, Jack,
you have succeeded
in surprising me.

Who is Mrs. gresham?

Well, she's just a friend.
An American.

A writer.

People do have
guests for Christmas,
don't they?

Next train arriving
at platform two.

Hello, Jack.
Happy Christmas.

Thanks.

Mind your
bags please. Thank you.

Oxford. Oxford station.

Mind your bags, please.
Thank you.

Oxford.

This is Oxford station.

The train
now standing at
platform three is the 357.

Platform three.

Nice talking to you.
Have a good trip
and a merry Christmas.

And the same to you, too.

Bye-bye.

Here, mum.
I can do it.

Are you sure
it's not too heavy?

Mum, why did those people
sing so loud in the train?

Because it was
Christmas cheer, get it?

Hello.

I didn't know
you were...

Look who's here, Douglas.

Did you have
a good journey, Douglas?

Yeah.

Welcome back to Oxford.

Thanks.

We're glad
you could come.

Yeah.

It's up this way.

Douglas, here.

And joy...

You are here.

And bathroom here.

Well, that's that, then.

It's good.

Good.

Good. We'll leave
you to settle in.

Great.

Won't you come
with me, Douglas?

What do you
think next, warnie?
A nice cup of tea?

You can't go too far wrong
with a cup of tea.

Joy?

Thank you.

By the way,
the college president

is hosting his
annual Christmas
party this evening.

And I'm afraid
I'm more or less

obliged to put
in an appearance.

I don't suppose
you'd wish to come
with me, would you?

With Douglas?

Douglas, would you...

Thanks.

You know, Jack,
that's all right.

I could use an early night.
You go on without us.

Well, that's a pity.
I thought you'd
rather enjoy it.

We could always ask Mrs.
young.
We won't be so very late.

I'll be okay.

No, I'm being thoughtless.
You've only just arrived.

Warnie?

Thank you, Jack.

Do you have your
hot-water bottle?

Here it is with its
very dainty cover.

All right,
keep it close to you.

Why do you think
they don't heat the house?

I don't know.

It's such a strange country.

But I think
the natives are friendly.

All right.

So you'll finish your chapter
and say your prayers? Okay.

Oh! You have a big, big kiss
on your cheek. Good night.

Good night.

Good evening, major Lewis.

Good evening, Robert.

Mr. Lewis.

'Evening, Robert.

So?

Good evening.

Come and meet
the college president.

This is the
college president.

Where on earth
did he find her?

She wrote to him.

A pen-pal?

Is this your
first trip to england,
Mrs. gresham?

Yeah, it's my first.

But I was wanting
to come for a long time.

What brings you to england,
Mrs. gresham?

I'm working on a book,
so I was hoping to find
a publisher over here.

Christopher, there you are.

Yes, Jack, here I am.

Please, let me introduce
you to Mrs. joy gresham.

Professor Christopher Riley.

Professor Riley.

How do you do?

Pleasure.

What success have you
had with your book?

Well, to be honest,
it's not ready to be seen yet.

You mustn't let
that stop you, Mrs. gresham.

It doesn't stop, Jack.

I'm sorry?

I am right in assuming
you are from
the United States of America?

Yes, I am.

Then perhaps you can
satisfy my curiosity
on a related matter.

I had always
understood Americans

to be hard-riding,
tough-talking,

no-nonsense
sort of people.

Yet, Jack tells me
his children's stories
sell very well there.

Who can be buying them?

Well, professor Riley,
we're not all cowboys,
you know?

Have you read
any of Jack's
children's books?

Jack has read
extracts aloud to me.

It is one of his
tests of friendship.

Well, I think
they're rather magical.

Congratulations, Jack.
You seem to have
found a soul mate.

I thought you believed
that we didn't have souls,
Christopher.

Well, yes, now,
i regard the soul

as an essentially
feminine accessory.

Anima, quite different
from animus, the male variant.

This is how i
explain the otherwise

puzzling difference
between the sexes.

Where men have intellect,

women have soul.

As you say, professor Riley,
I'm from the United States,

and different cultures
have different
modes of discourse.

I need a little
guidance here.

Are you trying
to be offensive or
just merely stupid?

Let me introduce you
to some friends of mine.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Hello.

It stood in our nursery
when we were children.

If you don't need it anymore,
you should throw it away.

Well,
I'm not very good at throwing
things away, as you can see.

We don't have
an attic at home.

No?

You wish you were
at home, don't you?

We always have a Turkey
for Christmas at home.

Well, we'll have
Turkey here, too.

With cranberry sauce?

Ah!

My dad loves
cranberry sauce.

Does he?

And snow.

Who do you look like most,
Douglas,
your mother or your father?

This is my mum,
and this is my dad.

But my dad's kind of noisy,
and I'm not.

Noisy, in which way?

Like shouting.

I hate shouting.

And me, too.

I knew it was
just an old wardrobe.

Mrs.
young, we wouldn't happen to

have any
cranberry sauce, would we?

^- Cranberry sauce?
^- Yes.

What's that?

Well, my guess is,
it's a sauce made
from Cranberries.

Well, Mr.
Lewis, if you can find me

some Cranberries,
I'll sauce them.

Well, I think Mrs. young
has done us proud, warnie.

It's all right, darling.
It's all right.

Happy Christmas.

Happy Christmas.

We ought to raise a glass
to your husband, joy.

Sure, here's to bill.

To bill.

Bill.

Can we telephone to America?

Yes, I believe so.
Do you want to?

That's all right.
We'll be home before long.

You're very
welcome if you want.

I do want.

It's very expensive,
Douglas.

Oh, come on.
I don't mind.

He's just excited
by the novelty of it.

I am not.
I want to talk to dad.

Well, you can't,
and that's that.

Beastly things, telephones.

Ring, ring, ring.
Stop what you're doing.

Get up. Hurry, hurry.
Ring, ring, ring.

No manners at all, huh?

^- All well?
^- All well.

Douglas never makes a fuss
about going to bed.

It appears he
never makes
a fuss about anything,

except telephones, perhaps.

Right. May I?

Yes, of course.

Warnie's taken
himself off to bed, too.

Sometimes he
overdoes it a little.
I expect you noticed.

Yes.

I know the signs.

There are signs, are there?

Poor old warnie.

You know, don't you?

Know what?

Well, you must not think
I'm much of a mother,

not letting her son
call his father
on Christmas day.

Oh, that.
That's none of my...

It just doesn't...
It's not...

It isn't what
it looks like. That's all.

I see.

And thank you
for not asking.

Not asking what?

"What's this
woman doing chasing

"all over england
without her husband?"

Oh, that.

I ran away.

It's always a mistake,
isn't it?

I mean,
you have to face
things in the end.

I left home because
bill fell in love
with another woman.

He takes the romantic view.

If you love someone,
you marry them.
I'm number two.

He wants me to
give him a divorce
so he can marry number three.

I see.

Bill's an alcoholic.

He's compulsively unfaithful.

And he's sometimes violent,
and I guess I haven't
loved him for years.

He's violent?

Only when he's drunk
and he doesn't really
know what he's doing.

It's just that
he's worn me out.
It's the truth of it.

Joy, look, if there's
anything I can do...

There is.

You'll be my friend.

I hope I'm that already.

In you get, young man.

I'll take that
for you, sir.

Well, goodbye, warnie.
Thanks for putting up with us.

Not at all.
We shall miss you.

^- Goodbye, joy.
^- Jack.

So, they sail back tomorrow.

Yes.

I'm not sure
that god particularly
wants us to be happy.

I think he wants
us to be able to
love and be loved.

He wants us to grow up.

We think our childish toys
bring us all
the happiness there is

and our nursery is
the whole wide world.

But something...

Something must drive us out
of the nursery

to the world of others,

and that something
is suffering.

You miss her, don't you?

Well, things are
quieter now, aren't they?

Yeah.

I'm not much of a talker.

One of your many virtues,
warnie.

Is she coming back?

No, no.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Mr. Lewis.

What's your name?

James, sir.

James.

Would you sign
my book for me, please?

Yes.

Thank you.

Lovely.
Thanks so much.

Thank you.

I've always found this
a trying time of the year.

Trying? To do what, Jack?

The leaves not yet out.
Mud everywhere you go.

Frosty mornings gone.

Sunny mornings not yet come.

Give me blizzards
and frozen pipes,
but not this,

nothing time.

Not this,

waiting room of the world.

Tell me something,
Christopher.
How shall I put this?

Would you say
you were content?

I am as I am.
The world is as it is.

My contentment
or otherwise has very
little to do with it.

Don't you ever
feel a sense of waste?

Of course.

Good evening.

I hope you don't mind.
May I come in?

Yeah.

I happened to
be in
Blackwell's the other day,

and I saw you
borrow a book.

Steal. I stole it.

Most of these
books are stolen.

Why not?
They're written to be read.
At least I read them,

which is more
than most people do.

So you read differently
to the rest of us, do you?

Yes, I do.

I read at night
so nothing breaks

my concentration.
All night, sometimes.

When I start a new book,
my hands are shaking.

Me eyes are
jumping ahead.

Does he feel the way I felt?
Does he see what I've seen?

You know,
me father used to say...
He's a teacher like you.

Well, not like you.
He's only
a village schoolmaster.

What was it your
father used to say?

"We read to know
we're not alone."

Would it help if i
made you a small loan?

Yes, I expect it would
if I wanted to be helped.

I see. Goodbye.

You see, we are
like blocks of stone,

out of which the sculptor
carves the forms of men.

The blows of his chisel,
which hurt us so much,

are what make us perfect.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Mr. Lewis, what can I say?

Mr. Lewis, I don't
want to bother you.

Congratulations.

Wonderful.

Mr. Lewis, I'm from Ohio.

Ohio? Oh, yes. How nice.

Mr. Lewis,
you will join us, won't you?

Yes.

Do. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Mr. Lewis,
you were marvelous.

Thank you.

Hello, Jack.

What are you doing here?

Well,
i came to hear your talk.

Oh, yes, but...

What am I doing in London?

Well,
Douglas and I live here now.

Really?

What did I do with bill?
We're divorced.

But it's going
to work out
better for all of us.

Yes. Why didn't you write?

What for?
To ask permission?

No, no.

Do you mind?

Me? No,
why should I mind?

So it's all
all right, then?

Yes, yes.

But, really, I'm very...

Very surprised to
see you, you know?

Well, I wasn't dead.
I was just in America.

Well, of course. Yes.

Yes, but you see, I...

I've been thinking
about you.

Yes, I've been
thinking about you.

Can I be
of any assistance?

No, it's all right.
I'm just talking to my friend.

Yes, I was thinking
about you

and, suddenly,
there you were.

No, here I am.
It's present tense.

Present and tense.

I'm very sorry,
but the committee

is waiting to entertain Mr.
Lewis.

It's all right.
I'll be with you in a moment.
Thank you.

So, do let me know
where you are, joy.

Sure.

Good. Bye.

I do hope i
did the right thing.
We're just through here.

So, she's settled here
for good, has she?

For the
foreseeable future.

With the boy?

Yes.

Will you be
seeing much of her?

Not much, I shouldn't think.

I may look in again
when I'm next in London.

It's very sweet
of you to come and
see me again, Jack.

I know how
busy you are.

No, not at all.

I look forward to
my outings to London.

Yeah.

You must come and
visit us in Oxford.

Would you like some Sherry?

^- Oh, yes.
^- I'm having some.

Yes, maybe as soon as
Douglas' school term ends.

^- There you go.
^- Thank you.

Cheers.

I would like to
see warnie again.

You can just move Douglas'
puzzle out of the way.

All right.

Do remember me to warnie.

Yes.

Tell him I promise
i won't turn into a nuisance.

Why should you
turn into a nuisance?

Well, Jack,
i don't have to explain.

Explain what?

Now, why did you
look at me like that?

Like what?

As if I'm lying to you.

Why should I lie to you?
I mean what I say.

No, I know.
It's just that you
don't say it all, do you?

Well, one can't say it all.
It would take too long.

Did you finish
your chapter?

Almost.

Not yet.

All right,
just a little bit longer.

Just till your hair dries.

Okay. 'Night, Jack.

Good night, Douglas.

Wait, I want a kiss.

Night-night.

^- Good night, mum.
^- Sweet dreams.

I'm going to
check the supper.

What sort of things
do you want me to say?

Well, Jack,
i want to remain
friends with you,

so I need to know
if there's anything
that makes that hard for you.

I see.

We might as well
know where we are.

You never can
really tell what's

going on between people,
can you?

People jump to conclusions.

Sometimes it
makes me quite angry

the way people
aren't allowed to be...

What?
^- You know, just friends.

What, like us, you mean.

Like us.

I don't mean to say
that friendship
is a small thing.

As a matter of fact,
i rate it as

one of this life's
most precious gifts.

But?

But it shouldn't be

turned into a watered-down
version of
something that it's not.

^- Such as?
^- Such as...

Well, to give you
an example, romantic love.

That's not to say
that friendship isn't,
in its way...

A kind of love.

A kind of love.
See? I knew you'd understand.

I understand more
than that, Jack.

^- Could you open this?
^- Yeah.

You're a bachelor,
and I'm a divorced woman.

Now, some people

would imagine that
you have romantic
intentions towards me.

You have no such intentions.
You want that out in the open

because you care about me,
and you don't
want me to be hurt.

Have I understood
you correctly?

I don't know what to say.

You don't have
to say anything.

I just said it.
Wasn't so hard, was it?

Well,
I'm just not used to this...
Whatever it is.

Naming names,
that's all.

Yes.

Now you don't have
to be afraid of
me anymore, do you?

Good lord, I was never
afraid of you. You...

Why are you looking...
I was never afraid of you.
Why look?

Jack, I really am

very thankful
for everything
you've done for me.

I'm sure there are
far more ways I...

Substantial ways I can
be of help that you're
not telling me about.

I don't want to exhaust
your good will.

Well, there's no
fear of that.

Well, there is something,
which would
help me enormously.

I find it... oh, Jack.
This is very hard for me.

If it's too much for you,
you would just say no,
wouldn't you? Just no.

I mean, no guilt,
no evasion, no running away?

Yes, I think I can
just about manage that.

Something I ought
to tell you, warnie.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

Um...

I've agreed
to marry joy.

You have?

Mmm-hmm.
Seemed the right thing to do.

It did?

Yes, there's
nothing to worry about.

See, what I've agreed to do
is extend my British
citizenship to her,

so that she can
go on living in england.

By marrying her?

Yeah, only technically.

You're marrying
joy technically?

A true marriage

is a declaration before god,
not before some
government official.

And joy will
keep her own name

and we'll all go on
living exactly as before.

Before you are
joined in matrimony,
i have to remind you

of the solemn and
binding character

of the vows you
are about to make.

Now, Mr. Lewis,
if you'll repeat after me.

"I call upon these persons
here present..."

I call upon these
persons here present...

"...to witness that I,
clive staples Lewis..."

...to witness that I,
clive staples Lewis...

"...do take thee,
Helen joy gresham..."

...do take thee,
Helen joy gresham...

"...to be my lawful,
wedded wife."

...to be my lawful,
wedded wife.

Joy gresham,
if you'll repeat after me.

"I call upon these persons
here present..."

I call upon these
persons here present...

"...to witness that I,
Helen joy gresham..."

...to witness that I,
Helen joy gresham...

"...do take thee,
clive staples Lewis..."

...do take thee,
clive staples Lewis...

"...to be my lawful,
wedded husband."

...to be my lawful,
wedded husband.

Do we have a ring?

^- No.
^- No.

No.

^- Well, that's that.
^- All right, well.

^- Good luck.
^- Can I buy you both a drink?

Sorry, joy,
i simply have to
catch the 12:22.

Well then, off you go, Jack.

Bye, warnie.

^- Bye, Jack.
^- Bye, joy.

I would be most grateful
for that drink, joy.

That's awfully
kind of you, warnie.

I think I saw a pub
just down the road.

Shall we risk it?

All right.

^- All right?
^- Yeah.

Go.

Here we go.
Yeah, that's it.

Well, that was quite
an unusual experience.

Yes, you must forgive Jack.

Well, I'm getting
to know him a little by now.

I think I understand
him better.

Anyway, I'm very
grateful to him.

Nobody is
to know, he tells me.

Well, actually
what he said was,

"it will be as if
it never happened."

A great mistake, Jack.
You'll live to regret it.

Regret what, Chris?

Staying in this
godforsaken place all summer.

The day after encaenia,
I'm off.

Where, Chris?

Tuscany, where else?

Where else, indeed.
Could I have
some cheese, Jeremy?

We're going to
the loire, camping.

Camping?

I think I'll bring
a guest this year.

Do, by all means.

When Laura was alive,

we once took
the grandchildren camping.

Bring a guest, Jack?

Yes, encaenia.

Take my tip, Rupert.
Sleep outside the tent,
and smoke a cigar.

^- Whatever for?
^- Mosquitoes.

You've met her, joy gresham.

Yes. Yes, quite.

Not the American?

Yes, the American.

Is she back in Oxford?

Thank you.

No, no.
No, she's in London.

She wants to see
the pageant of learning.

I feel distinctly
underdressed.

This is just a sort
of uniform really.

This is Jack's party frock.

Jack, come here. Come here.

What?

Just a little something...

What is that? What is it?

Yeah, I got it. It's fine.

If you feel like a stroll...

Are these two places free?

Yes, please do.

Claude, let me
give you a hand.

Here we go.

She's living in
London now?

Yes.

With her husband?

No, they're divorced.

Why did I have a feeling
you were going to say that?

^- Hello, warnie.
^- Hello.

Are you all right?

I'm just a little exhausted.
Would it be all
right if we sat down?

Yes. You haven't
seen my rooms yet.
Let me show you.

You tired?

Would you like coffee?

^- Yes.
^- Nescafe?

Sure.

There, that's better.
Much better.

You should change those shoes.

I don't want to
talk about that.

I'm not going to
stay long, either.

For all I know,
I'm not even
allowed to be here.

Female guests are permitted

between 10:00 A.M.
and 8:00 P.M.

We're legal.

Jack, don't you sometimes
just bust to share the joke?

What joke?

Here's your friends,
thinking we're unmarried

and up to all
sorts of wickedness.

When all along we're married
and up to nothing at all.

Which friends?

God, you really can be
hard work sometimes.

So, what do you do here?
Think great thoughts?

Teach, mainly.

What do they do?

Sit at your feet
and gaze up at you in awe?

No, not at all.

I bet they do.

We have some fine
old battles in here,
i can tell you that.

Which you win.

It must be quite
a boost for you,

being older and wiser
than all of them.

Not to mention your readers.

What?

Your readers
and that g*ng of
friends of yours.

All very well-trained
not to play out of bounds.

What are you talking about?

Of course, there's warnie.

Not much competition there.

That's nonsense.

And what about
Christopher Riley?

He never lets me get away
with anything, you know that.

Except doubt
and fear and pain and terror.

Where does
all that come from?

I don't know,
I've only now just seen it,

how you've arranged a life for
yourself where no
one can touch you.

Everyone that's close to you
is either younger than you,

or weaker than you
or under your control.

Why...

Why are you getting at me?
I thought...
I thought we were friends.

I don't know that
we are friends...

Not the way you
have friends, anyway.

Sorry, Jack.

I don't understand.

No, I think you do.

You just don't
like it, nor do I.

Whistler.

^- Three?
^- Yeah.

^- Bye.
^- Bye.

Go? Go where?

London.

But, why? Is it money?

Not really.

One more year,
and you'd have your degree.

Yeah, then what?
Teach like you?

I wonder what it is
everyone wants from me.

You know, that's the first
question I've
ever heard you ask

that sounds like
you don't know the answer.

Is that good?
Is that what you want?

Ignorance? Confusion?

Look, I just don't
think I see my way

ahead quite as
clearly as you do.

Shadows.

What?

It's one of my stories.

"We live in the shadowlands.

"The sun is always
shining somewhere else.

"Round a bend in the road.
Over the brow of a hill."

Hello,
a London number, please.

Yesterday, a friend of mine,
a very brave,

good woman,

collapsed in terrible pain.
One minute,
she was fit and well,

the next minute,
she was in agony.

She is now in hospital,
and this morning

I was told she's
suffering from cancer.

Why?

See, if you love someone,
you don't want them to suffer.

You can't bear it.

You want to take their
suffering onto yourself.

Even I feel like that.

Why doesn't god?

How is she?

Not good.

I'm so sorry, Jack.

I just want her to be
well again, you see.

Of course you do.
We all do.

What a dangerous world
we live in, warnie.

You've been up all night.
Why don't you get some sleep?

No, I can't sleep.

It's all too soon, you see.
I just haven't had time,
that's all.

Time for what?

I don't know.

To talk, say things.

It doesn't take long.

No, I suppose not.

Whatever it is,
i should just say it.

Yes,
you must be right, warnie,
but it is difficult, you see.

Yes, I do see that.

Mr. Lewis.

Dr. Craig, this is
my brother, warnie.

How do you do?
Your wife.

How is she?
Any change?

We've made her
as comfortable as we can,

otherwise,
there's nothing
further to report.

How much has
she been told?

She's been told
that the cancer
has eaten away her left femur.

Oh, no.

She knows it's serious.

The thigh bone snapped
like a frozen twig.

I see.

Can anything be done?

She's dying, warnie.

That's putting it more starkly
than I would choose, Mr.
Lewis.

No, but it's true,
isn't it?

The cancer is
very advanced.

Joy?

Jack?

Don't talk if it hurts.

Where's Douglas?

He's staying with
us for the moment.

I'll bring him over
to see you when...

When you're up to it.

Thank you.

Do you have any water?

Mmm-hmm.

Were you here to
visit me before?

A couple of times, yes.

I thought so.

Sorry, Jack. I didn't mean
to cause you all this bother.

Don't talk nonsense.
You're the one
that's having the bother.

What I mean is,
you don't have to
take care of me.

Well...

Who do you expect
to take care of you?

You know what
I'm trying to say.

But who else
should take care
of you, but me?

You're my wife.

Technically.

Then I shall look
after you technically.

Jack,
i have to know how bad it is.
They won't tell me.

Well, that's because
they're not sure themselves.

Please, Jack.

I don't know any
more than they do.

Before Douglas gets here,
i need to know.

They say you're going to die.

Yes. Thank you.

What do you say, Jack?
I'm a Jew.

I'm divorced. I'm broke.

And I'm dying of cancer.
Do you think I get a discount?

Oh, joy.

Do you know
something, Jack?

Hmm?

You seem different.

You look at me properly now.

Didn't I before?

Not properly.

I don't want to lose you, joy.

I don't want to be lost.

Nurse. Nurse!

Nurse!

Is this pain really necessary?

I'll fetch the doctor.

Good.

There we are.
We'll... we'll make
another one tomorrow.

Now it's lights out?

No, I read in bed.

Got your book?

Here.

How long are you
allowed to read?

One chapter.

One chapter then, huh?

I want to be awake
when Jack gets back.

Well, that shouldn't
be long now.

He will say
good night, won't he?

Of course.

^- Night-night.
^- 'Night.

No change.

I promised Douglas
you'd say good night.

She's in hospital in London.

Apparently,
he goes up there every day.

It must have
hit him very hard.

It's thrown him
completely off balance.

A sad business.

Has he said anything to you?

^- About her?
^- Yeah.

No, nothing.

Oh!

Jack,
I'm so sorry about all this.

Yes. Yes, Christopher.
Thank you.

It's all come
too soon, you see.

Her affairs
aren't in order, and...

What's going to happen
to Douglas, for example?

I suppose, his father?

No.

No, she wouldn't
want that.

Because he drinks,
you know,
and he's an alcoholic.

Possibly
other relatives.

I mean,
it's not as if...

It's not as if
what, Harry?

Well, she's your
friend, of course.

But, well...

She's not family.

She's not my wife?

No, of course not.

No, of course not.
It's impossible.

It's unthinkable.

How could joy be my wife?

I'd have to love her,
wouldn't I?

I'd have to care
more for her

than for anyone
else in this world.

I'd have to be suffering
the torments of the damned

at the prospect
of losing her.

I'm sorry, Jack.
I didn't know.

Nor did I, Harry.

It's growing in right here.

See? I got a new tooth.

That's great.
How 'bout that
one on the bottom?

Remember?

Oh, yes.

Better take him home.
I'll stay a little longer.
I'll catch the 8:40.

Right.

May we come in?

Ever had toasted
teacakes, Douglas?

No.

The secret's in the butter.
You've got to have so much

that it runs
down your finger.

Shall we go
and find some?

Put that tooth
under your pillow.

^- Okay.
^- Okay.

^- See you soon.
^- Bye.

Come on.
The secret's in the butter.

You've got to have
lots of butter.

^- See you later.
^- Yes.

Are you staying?

Yes, for a while.

I want to marry you, joy.

I want to marry you
before god and the world.

Make an honest
woman out of me?

No, not you.

It's me who
hasn't been honest.

Look what it takes
to make me see sense.

You think
I've overdone it?

Please don't leave me, joy.

You know, Jack,
back where I come from,

they have this
quaint old custom.

Well,
when a guy makes up his mind
to marry a girl, he asks her.

It's called proposing.

It's the same here.

Did I miss it?

Will you marry
this foolish,
frightened old man,

who needs you
more than he
can bear to say...

Who loves you
even though he
hardly knows how?

Just this once.

We don't seem to have
had much time to talk.

I'm okay.

Yeah.

Your mother and I...

Why did we ever have
to come to this
stupid country?

We were all right
where we were.

I told mum,
but she wouldn't listen.

Does my dad know she's sick?
Did anybody tell him?

Yes, he's been told.

It's sinking now.
I don't care.

I know your mother's
talked to you about...

Yup.

Would that be
all right with you?

Yup.

It would make me happy,
and I think it would
make her happy, too.

Okay.

I, joy, take thee, Jack...

"...to have and to hold
from this day forward..."

...to have and to hold
from this day forward...

"...for better,
for worse..."

...for better,
for worse...

"...for richer,
for poorer..."

...for richer,
for poorer...

"...in sickness
and in health..."

...in sickness
and in health...

"...to love,
Cherish, and obey..."

...to love,
Cherish, and obey...

"...till death
us do part."

...till death
us do part.

The ring?

"With this ring,
i thee wed."

With this ring,
i thee wed.

"With my body,
i thee worship."

With my body,
i thee worship.

"And all my worldly goods,
i thee endow."

And all my worldly goods,
i thee endow.

Those whom god
hath joined together,
let no man put asunder.

Mr. Lewis?

Yes.

Peter whistler.

Of course, yes.
How are you?

Fine.

^- Thank you.
^- Thanks.

Funny the way things
work out, isn't it?

I've not noticed that they do.

You're probably right. Well.

"Fight me, I can take it."

What?

"Fight me,
i can take it," you've...

Did I say that?

Yes.

Ah!

So what are you
doing these days?

Teaching. Feel free
to give a hollow laugh.

No, I suspect
you're a born teacher.

I do turn out to be
quite good at it.

Good.

Your father's a teacher,
isn't he?

^- Yes.
^- Oh, yeah.

He d*ed a few
months ago.

I'm sorry.

I loved him very much.

Did he know that?

I think so.

I think he knew.

Yeah.

One has to say things.

The moment passes,
and then you're alone again.

Yes.

"We read to know
we're not alone."

That's what he said,
wasn't it, your father?
I haven't forgotten.

Well.

Jack, what news?

Good news,
i think, Harry.

Yes, good news.

I'm very glad, Jack.

Thank you, Christopher.
Thank you.

Christopher can scoff,
but I know how hard
you've been praying.

And now, god is
answering your prayer.

That's not why I pray, Harry.
I pray because i
can't help myself.

I pray because I'm helpless.
I pray because the need

flows out of me
all the time,
waking and sleeping.

It doesn't change god.
It changes me.

He's got very
little on his plate.

Doctor, how is she?

Well, I think
you'd better see for yourself.

I'll catch you up, sister.

Right, sir.

Watch.

Well.

Can you do more?

All right, come closer.

That's it.

Oh, dear!

How did I do?

It's not bad.
That's wonderful.

Wonderful.
Come sit down.

Wonderful.

So, does she
have to stay here?

I see no reason why.

So long as the
remission continues.

How long is that?

Come on,
you can speak openly.

Could be months,
could be weeks.

Why not years?

In such an advanced case
that would be unusual.

Well, we take
what we can get.

Right.

How would you
like to come home?

Jack, where's home?

What do you mean,
"where's home?"
Oxford. My house. Our house.

We're married.
Don't you remember?
Let's go and take her home.

Good.

Now, there's no need
to worry about me, Jack.
I'll sort myself out.

Sort yourself out?
What do you mean?

New digs. No problem.

Do you want to?

It's as you wish, Jack.

I don't.

Right you are.

It's settled.

Douglas?

There. There.

Thanks, sweetheart.
Give me a kiss.

Okay. Good night.

Good night, mum.

Ready, Jack.

Here we are.
Take it slowly. That's it.

All right? That's it, not far.

Can we just sit down?
I need a lot of pauses.

^- All right.
^- All right.

Good. Up we go.

^- It's good.
^- Right.

Good.

Thank you, my love.

What for?

For all of it.

I think it's
better if I lie down.

Wait. Move slowly. Hold it.

Here you are,
it's more comfortable.

^- There.
^- Good.

^- All right.
^- Good.

Yes, as I look
at this room...

It strikes me,
it is a bit on
the spartan side.

How long has it
been your room?

Twenty-five years.

More, I suppose.

Have you ever
shared it with anyone?

No.

Feel strange?

Well, I'm not entirely
sure of the procedure.

Well, what do you usually do
when you go to bed, Jack?

Very much what you'd expect.

No, tell me.
See, you come in the door...

Then I draw the curtains.

Then I get out
my pajamas.

From where?

Under the pillow.

And then what?

Then I hang my clothes
over the chair.

I clean my teeth, wash...

Kneel by the bed.

No, first I,
turn back the bedclothes,
then I kneel by the bed,

pray, then I get into bed.

Like a little boy.

Is it?

What next?

Then I go to sleep.

On your back
or on your side?

On my side.

Show me.

Good.

You do everything
just the way you
always do it, Jack.

When you get to the last bit,
I'll be here, too.

That's the procedure.

What is the time?
Let's see.

6:00 any minute now.

Well, is somebody
going to ring
a bell or something?

Yes, I believe
a lot of people
ring a lot of bells.

First, they sing.

All right?

Jump! Jump!

Mad. They're raving
mad, all of them.

It's known
as high spirits.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

Admit you're
glad I brought you.

It's pagan. It's vulgar.
It's all faintly silly,
but it works.

Sunrise always works.

You have to
hold it down.

So how do you want it to look?
Like that, right?

^- Yeah.
^- So describe that.

^- Well,
it's got lots of sunlight.
Hello.

Then type it. Hi.

Hello, Douglas.

Jack, where did you say
the golden valley was?

Somewhere in herefordshire,
i believe.

Douglas,
your tea's ready.

All right, all right.
Okay, so remember
what we talked about,

'cause it's important.
We'll finish this thing.

^- Okay.
^- All right.

^- Hello.
^- Hello.

Where did you
say it was?

Herefordshire,
i believe.

And do you think it
still looks the same?

Oh, I very much doubt it.

You thought it was
heaven, didn't you?

I was only a child.

Let's go and
look for it, Jack.

Hmm?

We never had a honeymoon.

Are you up to traveling?

It's not so far, is it?

I don't really know.
Where would we stay?

I don't know.
A small country hotel.

You happy?

Yes.

What kind of happy?

Just happy.

You know my kind of happy?

How stupid.

I always forget.
When you ask a question,

it means you have
the answer waiting.
So go ahead, tell me.

No.

Come on.

No, I'm not telling you now.

What do I have to do?
I have to go to the lecture?

Yes, buy the book.

Well, it's a hotel,
and it's in the country.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Jack.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes.

Well, will it do?

It's beautiful, Jack.

You seem to have
survived the journey.

Yes, but I could
use a drink.

Yeah, do they have
room service?

Room service?

I used to think
that room service

was saying your
prayers in bed.

Well, you can order
some prayers if you want.

I will take
a gin and tonic.

What, now?

Sure, why not?

All right.

Honey.

You can use a telephone.

Where is it? Oh, yes, phone.

Room service.

Hello?

Yes, this is Mr.
Lewis in room number...

I'm sorry. I've forgotten
the number of the room...

I'm already in the room,
you see.

Oh, you do. Good.

Yes, a gin and tonic.

Gin and tonic.

Two gin and tonics.
Two gins and tonic,
i should say.

Yes, I'm sorry.
Good. Thank you. Bye.

You don't like gin.

I'm afraid I panicked.

Come here.

The golden valley runs
along the river dore.

Here,
let me show you on the map.

It runs from here to here.

Why "golden"?

It's a mistake, really.

The welsh for "water" is "dwr"
which sounds like "d'or,"

the French for "golden."
It isn't golden at all.
It's wet.

Where can one get
a view of the valley?

I should go along here,

down to the junction here,

and turn left up
this little road.

That'll take you
up into the hills.

You know,
i don't know why
we're doing this.

Yes, you do.

It probably
won't be the same.

It'll all be
changed or spoiled.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I think that was it.
Oh, no, I'm wrong.

The valley runs
east-west, doesn't it?

No idea.

You know we're there
already, of course?

Where?

There.

Oh, there, yes.

Well, that's it.

Well, we almost made it.

No, I don't want to be
somewhere else anymore.

Not waiting for
anything new to happen.

Not looking
around the next corner,
nor the next hill.

Here now. That's enough.

That's your kind
of happy, isn't it?

Yes. Yes, it is.

It's not going to last, Jack.

We shouldn't
think about that now.

Let's not spoil
the time we have together.

It doesn't spoil it.

It makes it real.

Let me just say it
before this rain stops,
and we go back.

What is there to say?

That I'm going to die

and I want to be
with you then, too.

The only way I can do that is
if I'm able to talk
to you about it now.

I'll manage somehow.
Don't worry about me.

No, I think it can
be better than that.

I think it can be better
than just managing.

What I'm...
What I'm trying
to say is that...

The pain then is part
of the happiness now.

That's the deal.

Yeah, that's good.

Don't go in the river. Yeah.

You've got it. That's good.

That's it.

Douglas, come in,
and get warm for a while.

I'm sorry, Jack.

She'll be better here.
No stairs to climb.

Can't you do something?

I'm afraid not.

Douglas, you couldn't go
and fetch the other pillow,
could you?

Thank you, doctor.

See you tomorrow.
Night-night.

Good night, young man.

Thanks for coming, Eddie.

A lot of silly fuss, huh?

Good night.

Get over here.

Good night, Jack.
Be in tomorrow.

Come on.
Give me a hug.

You will remember it,
i know you will.
It'll be hard.

Okay.

Remember what we talked about
because it's important, okay?

Okay?

Good night.

Good night, mummy.

Go straight to sleep.

Blast.

Here, it's all right. There.

God, I can't bear
to see you in pain like this.

It's all right, Jack.
It keeps me quiet.

When it gets close,
you find out whether
you believe it or not, yes?

Don't you always say,
"real life hasn't begun yet"?

Jack, you better be right.

Still here?

Still here.

Go to bed. Get some sleep.

Soon.

I'm tired, Jack.

I want to rest.

I just don't
want to leave you.

I don't want you to go.

Too much pain.

I know.

I don't know what to do, joy.
You'll have to
tell me what to do.

You have to let me go.

I'm not sure that I can.

Can't hear you.

You will take care
of Douglas?

Of course.

He pretends not to mind.

^- I know.
^- Like you.

No more pretending,
not anymore.

I've loved you so, Jack.

Don't talk, my love.
Just rest.

My love, just rest.

Just rest.

I love you, joy.
I love you so much.

You've made me so happy.

I didn't know
i could be so happy.

You're the truest
person I've ever known.

Sweet Jesus, be with
my beloved wife, joy.

Forgive me if i
love her too much.

Have mercy on us both.

"We, therefore,
commit the body

"of thy servant,
joy, to the elements,

"earth to earth,

"ashes to ashes,

"dust to dust."

This way, Douglas.

Thank god
for your faith, Jack.

Because only faith
makes any sense of
times like this. I know.

What's
happening to me, warnie?

I can't see her anymore.

Can't remember her face.

I expect it's shock.

I'm so afraid of
never seeing her again...

Of thinking that suffering
is just suffering, after all.

No cause,
no purpose, no pattern.

I...

I don't know what
to tell you, Jack.

Nothing,
there's nothing to say.

I know that now.

I've just come up against
a bit of experience, warnie.

Experience is
a brutal teacher,

but you learn.
My god, you learn.

Sir, I really do think
one or two of us
should have gone.

Certainly not,
we hardly knew the woman.

I haven't even seen him
for a couple of weeks.

I wouldn't say this to Jack,

but in the circumstances,
better sooner than later.

Is he taking it very hard?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

Rupert, could we have
a word together
out in the hall?

Yes, sir.
^- Good evening, Jack.

Nice to see you, Jack.

Jack.

I wasn't going to come,
but then I thought I would.

Life must go on.

I don't know that it must,
Harry, but it certainly does.

I'm sorry, Jack.

Thank you, Christopher.

We're all deeply sorry, Jack.

Thank you, president.

Anything I can do?

Yes, just don't tell me
it's all for the best.
That's all.

Only god knows
why these things
have to happen, Jack.

God knows, but does god care?

Of course.

We see so little here.
We're not the creator.

No, we're the creatures,
aren't we?

We're the...
We're the rats in
the cosmic laboratory.

I've no doubt
that the experiment
is for our own good,

but that still makes
god the vivisectionist,
doesn't it?

Jack...

No! It won't do.

This is bloody awful mess,
and that's all there is to it.

I'm sorry, Harry.
I am sorry, Christopher.

I'm just not fit
company tonight. That's all.

^- Jack.
^- Yes?

Your grief
is your own business.
Maybe you feel life is a mess.

Maybe it is.
But there's Douglas.

^- What about Douglas?
^- Talk to him.

I don't know
what to say to him.

Just talk to him!

Hi.

Hi.

When my mother d*ed,
i was your age.

I thought that
if I prayed for her

to get better
and if I really believed,

she'd get better.
Then, she wouldn't die.

But she did.

It doesn't work.

No, it doesn't work.

I don't care.

I loved your mother
very much.

Perhaps I loved her too much.
She knew that.

She said to me,
"is it worth it?"

Because she knew
what it would be like later.

It doesn't seem fair, does it?

I don't see why
she had to get sick.

No, nor me.

But you can't hold
on to things, Douglas.

You have to let them go.

Jack?

Mmm-hmm.

Do you believe in heaven?

Yes, I do.

I don't believe in heaven.

That's okay.

I sure would like
to see her again.

Me, too.

Hello, who are you?

Chadwick, sir.

You're my tutor this term.

Am I?

Chadwick. Right. Come up.

Chadwick, you say?

Yes, sir.

Sit down.

"We read to know
we're not alone."

Do you think that is so?

Well,
i hadn't thought of it before
like that, sir.

No, nor had I.

I suppose some
people would say,

"we love to know
we're not alone."

Would you?

Well, if you mean
"falling in love,"
well, I haven't really.

I mean, I probably know
more about love from books

than from
personal experience.

Go on. I'm listening.

Well, I don't think any
of us want to be alone.

Why love
if losing hurts so much?

I have no answers anymore,

only the life I've lived.

Twice in that life,

I've been given the choice.

As a boy,

and as a man.

The boy chose safety.

The man chooses suffering.

The pain now

is part of the happiness then.

That's the deal.