03x17 - Chutes and Splatters

[bunniefuu]

- Quiet. The whole world's
gonna know I missed curfew.

It's gonna be your fault.
- I missed curfew, too.

I was out trying to find a club
that would let my band play.

- Oh, well, I missed curfew--
- Don't care!

- [bag swats arm]
- Ow.

Go check if
the coast is clear.

- [crickets chirping]

- Mom is right on
the other side of that door

with her "waiting up" blanket.

We're in so much trouble.
- You know what?

Why are a couple of supes
sneakin' around anyway?

We should just man up,
go in there,

and tell Mom what
we think of her "curfew."

- You're right. We should handle
this like mature adults.

[takes deep breath]

Okay, Mom, I know
we're late, but--

- What do you mean "we"?
- Well...

- Phoebe, you're over
an hour late.

Do you know how worried
your father and I were?

- HANK: Oh, television...

I don't have a care in
the world when you're on.

- Do you know how
worried I was?

- Mother, shall we sit?

We shall not.

Mom, here's the thing--

I'm not a little
kid anymore.

Heck, I'm the protector
of Hiddenville.

If something went wrong,
I would call myself.

- I know you think you can
take care of yourself,

but I am still
responsible for you.

Do you understand?
- Not even a little bit.

So, I guess we'll
agree to disagree.

- How about we agree to
ground you for a week?

- Well, that
escalated quickly.

Seriously? A week?

- Yeah. Why don't you call
yourself and get outta that?

- Come on, Mom!

- Would you guys
please keep it down?

I'm trying to sleep.

- Sorry, sweetie.

Phoebe, you're double-grounded
for waking your brother up.

- Oh?!

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- [sighing]
There's nothing on.

Oh, Dad, do you need
anything from the store?

- Shhhh! I can't be
seen talking to you.

You're gonna get me grounded.
- Dad!

- Sorry, honey, but the only way
you're gettin' outta here

is on a superhero mission.

Just, uh, watch some TV.

- [sighing]
TV's boring.

- [gasping]
Now you're bad-mouthing TV?

You deserve being grounded.

- Wait? All I need's
a mission, huh?

Thunder Monitor, emergency call
to President Kickbutt.

- COMPUTER VOICE: Calling
Super President Kickbutt.

- Phoebe, this had
better be important.

I'm having quiet
time at home.

- [rock music blaring]

- Simone, turn that
song off, please!

- [music stops]

- Uh, I was wondering
if you had a mission for me?

- Phoebe, this is
my one day off a month.

I just want some peace and--

- [rock music blaring]

- Simone!
- [music stops]

- Oh, look, a mission
just came across the wire.

[imitates computer beeping]

The Hero League
wants you to

take Simone off my hands
for the evening.

- Oh, uh, that sounds--

- Good. I'm sending
her to you right now.

- Oh, hey, Phoebe!

[whooshing]

Mom, you can't
keep doing that!

- You're Phoebe's mission now.

Super President Kickbutt...
out...

- I hope your parents
are cooler than mine.

- They are not--which
is why we are leaving.

- Oh, hey, Simone.
What are you doing here?

- She's my "mission."

Super President Kickbutt
wanted me to take her out.

It sounded very serious--
there were beeps.

- Super President Kickbutt, huh?

Okay, well, you can go
on your little mission,

but if you don't
make curfew tonight,

you're gonna be
triple-grounded.

- Three weeks?

Those are Max numbers.

- Enjoy your mission.

You're on "Mom Time" now.

- Moms, am I right?
- Totally useless.

Now wait here,
I'm gonna go put on

this really cute outfit
she bought me yesterday.

- Hi, Max.

- Well, well, well,
if it isn't Simone Kickbutt--

--er Cumberbatch.

Guys, this is Simone,
a completely normal teenager

whose parents are
totally unimportant.

- Any relation to
Mike Kickbutter-Cumberbatch?

- No, no relation.

So, what are you doing here?

- She must have heard
about our first club gig--

which we booked
just in time.

We had a pact
that if we didn't

play a club by tonight,
we'd break up.

- Speaking of
breaking up, Max,

is your mom still
with that dude?

- You mean my dad?

Not cool, Gideon.

- [German accent]
Wolfgang?

- Sure, I'd love to
see you guys play.

I've been to Germany.

- Okay, uh, well, I just
texted you the address.

- And I am definitely not
texting Barb the address.

- [long, slow slurp]

- You really seem to
be enjoying that cocoa.

- Oh, I finished it
five minutes ago.

I'm just trying
to wait them out.

Okay, you win.
What's with the costumes?

- It's not about
the costumes.

We're here on business.

- Yeah, it's o-fish-ial
business.

- What this clown fish
is trying to say

is we want a pet.

- Oh.
- Oh, ho, here we go.

You guys have tried this
song and dance before.

- Not this one.
Hit it, Billy.

- ♪ Buy us a pet ♪

♪ Be the best guys ever ♪

- ♪ Buy us a pet ♪

♪ It's meow or never ♪

- ♪ What we're trying to say ♪

- ♪ In our adorable way is ♪

- ♪ Buy us a pet right now ♪

- BOTH:
[long, slow slurp]

- Seriously? Nothing?

- I'm sorry, but you guys are
just not ready for a pet...

or Broadway.

- That's right.
It's a huge responsibility.

- We were afraid you
would say that,

and we would like to
counter with this...

- Pwease, Mommy, Daddy?

- Oh, ho, ho, ho.
- Oh...

- Must... fight... cuteness.

- All right, listen,
why don't you guys

take care of Dr. Colosso
for the weekend?

If he says you're
responsible pet owners,

then... we'll... get ya a pet.

- NORA, BILLY, CHLOE:
Yay!

- Sorry, Barb, but you
knew adorable children

were a risk when
you married me.

- Simone, I'm telling you,
Splatburger is not a club.

It's barely a restaurant.

- [electronic music playing]

- That is now a club.

I can't believe Mrs. Wong

would turn her restaurant
into a nightclub.

- MAX: She didn't...

I did!

Welcome to Club Splatz.

- Why is it always you?

- Well, since I couldn't
find a club

that would let our band play,
I opened my own,

and when we rock out tonight,

our band won't have
to split up.

- So, you just broke
into Splatburger?

- [exaggerated gasp]
How dare you!

I stole the key.
- Hm...

- You guys have fun now.

- All right, we should go.

Your mom would not like you
partying at an illegal club.

- Yeah, because
she worries too much--

just like your mom.

- Tell me about it.
I'm triple-grounded?

I am a superhero, dang it.

- Great! Then we're staying.

Simone, out!

- Wait!

I can't miss curfew,
so meet me at the door at : .

- Got it. Now I'm out.

- Okay, just please
don't hit me with your--

hair.

- [reading] "And then
the wicked witch

"put the pretty princess
to sleep forever and ever...

The End."?

- Ha! I love evil
fairytales.

- Enjoy your healthy
vegetables, Colosso.

- Well, isn't that lovely.

Huh!
- [tray clatters]

- I don't want that garbage!

I want deep-dish pizza
from Chicago.

- Bunny food only.

We have to show mom and dad
we're responsible pet owners.

- Fine.

Hank! Barb!

The kids are starving me!

- Okay, if we get
you what you want,

will you say we're
good pet owners?

- I don't make any promises
'til I see the goods.

- [zooming]

- Oh, yeah!

Let's do this!

[chomping, slurping]

- How does his little
mouth open so wide?

- What's happening to him?

- Uh...

I think I'm a tad bloated.

- A tad?

You're a bunny blimp.

- Guess I can't process
cheese like I used to.

Good to know.

- Have any of you
guys seen Simone?

She was supposed to
meet me by the door,

but I can't find her.

- Did you check Club Splatz's
Velvet Members Only VIP Room?

- You mean the kitchen?

- And that's why
you'll never be a member.

- I tried to get in, but that
guy won't let me past.

- That's because you're not
a very important person.

You're a very...
annoying person.

And that group's over there.

- [electronic music playing]

- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!

She's with me, Enrico.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Oh, there she is...

- [air whooshing]

- ...throwing a chicken
up the garbage chute.

- [laughing]
Bye-bye, birdie!

- Simone, where were you?

I waited at the door
for like minutes.

- Oh, well, I was just having
so much fun with this

that I suddenly didn't care
that you were waiting.

- Well, we're going.
I don't wanna miss curfew.

- You can go. I'm staying.

- I'm not leaving
you here mid-mission.

I have to make sure
you get home safe.

Oh, real mature.

- BOTH: Nya!

- Okay, you two are
outta here.

I'm gettin' complaints--

mostly from me.

But you're killin' the vibe
in the VIP Room.

- Okay, it's a kitchen with
a garbage hole in the ceiling.

It's time to go, Missy.

- Missy? Pu-lease.

I'm not going anywhere.

- [air whooshing]
- SIMONE: [screaming]

- Ho, ho.

That's what the sign meant.

- Simone, are you okay?

- SIMONE:
What do you think?

- This is awful.

How am I gonna get her
back and make curfew?

- You know who you should talk
to about this problem?

Anyone but me.

- Wait. You have to help
me get Simone back.

- Well, I've gotta
go play this gig.

Me and my band
can stay together

and become legendary
bad boy rockers.

One question--
collar up or down?

- You know, I, uh, sure would
hate for Mom to find out

you broke into Splatburger
and turned it into a club.

- Pfft, you think telling
on me's gonna work?

- [phone beeps]
- Call Mom.

- Stop that!
- [phone beeps]

- Okay, let's make
this quick.

Oh, there's a reverse lever.

- Uh, okay, uh, I will pull
it with my telekinesis

and when this thing spits
Simone out, we'll catch her.

- Yeah.

- [chute rattling]

- Here she comes.

- A perfectly-wrapped burger?

I accept your trade,
trash chute.

- COLOSSO:
[sighing, farting]

- Sorry, Colosso,

but we can't let Mom
and Dad see you like this,

or we'll never get a pet.

- We have to cover you
up until we figure out

how to fix... this.
- COLOSSO: [farting]

Ah, relax. Nobody
ever comes down here.

- BARB: Kids, we're
coming down there.

- Hey, we just came down
to check on you guys.

- Yeah, Colosso,
how are they doing?

- Don't. He's asleep.

- And as responsible
pet owners,

we can't let you disturb
his peace and quiet.

- COLOSSO:
[long, slow fart]

- Uh, that was me.
My tummy's bubbly.

- Aw, well, come on, sweetie.

Let's fix up your tummy
with a little ginger tea.

- [whispering]
You owe me.

- How do we fix your tummy,
bubble boy?

- We need to force
out this gas

by filling me up with
more fart fuel.

- Wait? So we should
give you more gas?

I thought my body
was confusing.

- Just bring me beans--

and lots of 'em.

- [zooming]

[zooming]

- Okay, you kids know
the drill.

[chomping, slurping]

- SIMONE: Are you
guys still there?

- Uh, yeah.

Uh, Phoebe and I are
just trying to find

a way to get you out
of wherever you are.

- [German accent]
Founden Maxen.

- There you are, bro.

What are you doing in here?
We've gotta play.

- Yeah, much like my love life,
this club is "one night only."

- Dude, your love life
is "no night only."

- Look, guys,
I just need a second.

In the meantime, do something
entertaining until I get there.

- Wolfgang!

Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!

Huh!

- Hey, someone in
your band is talented.

All right, I searched
the whole restaurant

and I can't figure out where
this garbage chute leads.

- All right, new plan.
[powers zapping]

You are gonna go up
there to get Simone,

and I'm gonna pull
you guys out.

- Why don't you go up the chute
and I pull you out?

- Because I come
with friends--

"Venus" and "Serena"!

Make like that sign
and stand on the "X."

- Max, do not... let go...
of the cord.

- Don't worry. We won't.

- [air whooshing]

- [straining]

Don't give up, Venus!

Don't...

Whoa!

- PHOEBE: Oh!
- MAX: Whoa!

I didn't let go of the cord.

- Hey, guys, do you
want some tea?

We had cookies,
but Chloe ate them all.

- There's no crumbs
on my face.

- What's Colosso
doing up here?

- Mom, Dad, we need
your help.

Look...

- BARB: [gasps]

- COLOSSO: No...

[gurgly voice]
... don't look at me.

- We really tried to
be good pet owners.

- Honey, I think
you failed.

- Oh, this is it,
I'm gonna blow!

[stomach gurgling]

Oh... oh... oh...

Ahh!

- Take cover!

- [stomach gurgling]

[continuous fart]

Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ow!
- [teapot rattles]

- [farts]
- ALL: Ohhh!!

- Whew!

- All right, nobody light
a match for at least an hour.

- Yeah, we don't want
a pet anymore.

- There's no door
down there.

But I did find
another burger.

- Great. We're trapped
in here.

- Wait, you losers
can give up,

but I'm playing
my club gig tonight.

- Well, Simone,
I hope you're happy.

- Why would I be happy?

I'm gonna be picking pork scraps
outta my super heels for a week.

- None of this would
have happened

if you had just met me
at the door on time.

I was worried sick about you.

- "Kobe," "LeBron,"
get in the game!

I've gotta get up...
just a little higher.

[groaning]
Whew.

[groaning]

- Look, Simone, I know you think
you can take care of yourself,

but I'm the one who's
responsible for you.

Wait. Where have
I heard this before?

- Blah, blah, blah,
blabbity, blah, blah,

still responsible for you.

- Oh, that's where
I heard it.

- [alarm ringing]
- What's happening?

- The walls are closing in.

- The room must be
a giant trash compactor.

It's gonna smash us
into a brick of trash.

- Haven't I been
through enough?

And you guys, too.

- [metal creaking]

- We've gotta get up through
that hole in the ceiling.

- As my mad hops have
already proven--

it's way too high up.

- Not for someone
with Kickbutt power.

Simone can superkick
us straight up

through the hole
in the ceiling.

If we're all tied together,
we'll all fly up together.

- I'm in.
I love kicking butts.

- Here, Max, tie this
cord around yourself.

- Okay.

- Good. Now let Simone
kick you in the butt.

- What? No!
Why can't she kick you?

- Because it hurts.

- Well, she's not
kicking me.

- I'll choose.
Eeeny, meeny, miny--

kick butt!
- PHOEBE: [screams]

- Why does that
cord hate me?

- [metal creaking]

- BOTH:
[heavy thuds]

- We did it!

Oh, and I can't
feel my butt.

Wait, now I can.

Ow!

- MAX: Help!
I'm being smooshed!

- Oh, no, Max!

- [heavy thud]
- What was that thud?

- It came from
the alley outside.

- MAX: I don't see
what's so funny.

- [phone camera clicks]

- [laughing]
Can you see it now?

- Get outta my way.

I'm still doin' my gig.

You can't stop
rock 'n roll.

You can squish it into a dirty
little cube of trash,

but you can't stop it.

- All right,
I can still make curfew,

so, now are you ready to go?

- Yeah.

You shouldn't have brought me

to this illegal club
in the first place.

What were you thinking?

- Hey, where are you going?

Get those box cutters you
call elbows over here

and get me outta
this thing.

- [powers zapping]
- Whoaaaa!

You're banned from
Club Splatz!

- See you later, Simone.

Never again.

- Well, you're home.

No groundings
tonight, blankie.

- Mom, I'm really sorry I broke
curfew the other night.

I should have respected
your wishes

and come home on time.

- Aw, thank you.

So, does that mean you're never
gonna break curfew again?

- Well, I wouldn't say that.
[laughing]

But I promise I'll call,
if I'm gonna be late.

- Aw, good enough.

- [watch beeps]
- Mom O'Clock.

Max is officially
late for curfew.

Do you have any idea
where he is?

- As a matter
of fact, I do.

- [rock 'n roll "noise"]

- Not sure that counts
as playin', bro.

- It counts.
The band stays together.

- [music stops]

- Whazzup, Barb?

I see you came alone.

- I'm grounding your lead
singer for a long time.

- Keep playin', guys.

You can't ground
rock 'n roll.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!

- ♪