01x01 - Day One

[bunniefuu]

["GIVE ME ALL YOUR LOVE" BY MASIITI / SAUCKE PLAYING]

[flicks through radio stations]

Shut up!

[PHONE NOTIFICATION]

[ANOTHER PHONE NOTIFICATION]

[INSECT BUZZES]

Get out.

[CAR RUNS OVER EDGE BUMPS]

f*ck!

[CAR CROSSES MIDDLE LINE, ONCOMING CAR SOUNDS HORN]

f*ck.

[SOUND OF LOOSE STRAP]

Oh no...

f*ck you.

[INDICATOR CLICKS]

Hey!

You drive like a chook, you f*cking doughnut.

What are you doing, you d*ck brain?

What are you, are you blind?

Are you drunk?

Hey!

Bighead!

Oi!

f*ck-features!

What?

I...

How old are you?

I'm 16 mate. It's none
of your f*cking business.

Where are your... your learner plates?

Where's yours?

- No, I'm forty-f*cking...
- Oh, if you got your learners,

you might have been taught to check

the f*cking road before you pull out!

I d... I did, I checked the road

and you weren't there,
and then-then I...

- Oh, f*ck!
- Aaah!

- Oh, f*ck!
- Oww!

- Ow, ow, oh, yeah.
- Ow!

Is that... ? Oh, f*ck. I'll
call... I'm gonna call a...

just stay there, I'll call
the thing, the... ambo.

f*ck... um... bastard.

I've got no reception.

- Did you have reception?
- I don't have a phone.

- Really? Why not?
- Okay, can you f*cking focus, fuckarse?

Yeah, um... all right, uh...

- Mildura is like 45 k's away, right?
- How the sh*t would I know?

Mildura's, like, big.

They'll have a hospital, or
a medical centre or something.

You-you can drive
because your car's fine.

- Ute.
- What?

It's a ute. And you're gonna have
to drive it, so try not to crash it.

Y... uh...

Uh... f*ck.

- Um...
- Are you kidding me?

But it's my...

- piano.
- And this is my arm, cockface.

We can just, um, take the trailer
off and hook it to the ute.

- We can do that, right?
- Yeah, you reckon?

- The axle's gone... genius.
- Aah, f*ck.

f*ck.

Okay. Okay, fine. Come on, we gotta go.

- Come on. I... I'll drive.
- f*ck.

Stick it on the back!

Okay, stop!

This is not gonna
work, it's way too high.

Oh, stop your whinging. Dig a hole.

["GOLDEN ERA" BY BRIGGS PLAYING]

Ta-daa!

Ha ha!

What's your name?

Meg.

- That short for Megan, or... ?
- No, short for Steve.

What's yours?

Lucky.

It's Lachlan, but... always been Lucky.

[PHONE NOTIFICATION]

Jesus.

- Are you right?
- Who's Toby?

- No one, can I have it, please?
- Oh what, is he your boyfriend?

- What does it say?
- Are you on a plane?

Are you, Lachlan? Are you on a plane?

You should give your mum
and dad a call and let...

- Don't you think you should give them a c...
- No!

- I just think that y...
- It's none of your business but, is it?

Fine, I don't actually
give a sh*t, dude.

Dood... Dood...

Don't you fricking dare.

- Where are you taking it, anyway?
- Perth.

Why?

I don't have a choice.

- What a pain in the arse.
- Yeah, I wasn't expecting to have

a f*cking car accident.

- I don't believe in accidents.
- Oh, great, I'll tell the

- car hire company.
- No, dickhead.

I believe in car accidents.
I just don't believe in...

accidents, as in...

- Coincidences.
- Coincidences, coincidences, yeah.

Yeah, I don't believe in coincidences.

Everything happens for a reason.

- Ow! Be careful!
- I can't help it, there are bumps.

Yeah, well you don't
have to aim for them!

Can we turn this music...
off... for... a minute. Please?

You have to have music
when you're driving.

It just does my head in,
please. I just need a break.

Five minutes, please?

Thank you.

It's just, like...

too many things have to
happen to make a thing happen.

You know?

If I'd have done one
thing different today,

one tiny thing, like if I'd
have brushed my teeth for longer,

then I wouldn't have been on the
road at that specific point, would I?

And maybe you would've ran into
somebody else and-and k*lled them or...

ran into a tree and been...
crashed in a... a burning wreck,

and I wouldn't... have
even known or given a sh*t.

Now, I have met this
weird Chewbacca guy,

driving my ute and he's probably
like a psycho m*rder*r or something.

'Cause you pretty much
have to be a psycho

to not want to listen to
music when you're driving.

Wouldn't ya?

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's your turn.

The least you could do is
distract me. Come on, talk.

- Or music.
- Okay, okay.

- Have you heard of ELO?
- Earlobe?

E.L.O. British fusion
band from the 1970's, ELO?

- Oh, it doesn't matter.
- No.

So, one of the founding members
of ELO was Mike Edwards, right?

- A cellist.
- What's a cellist?

- It's a person who plays the cello.
- Right.

Anyway, one day Mike Edwards

is driving along a road
in Devon, in England.

And one of those huge hay bales rolls
down a hill and lands on his car.

Kills him instantly. He
didn't even know what hit him.

What are the chances, hey?

Well...

Devon is pretty hilly, so let's say,

one in ten of those hay bales
sits on some kind of slope.

And maybe one in a thousand of them
sometimes goes for a little roll.

And let's say maybe one
in twenty of those slopes

leads to a road where a car
goes past any given point

some number of times an hour.

And maybe one in every
three or four thousand

of the drivers of those cars
is an artist of some repute.

So, the chances that one
day one of those hay bales

was gonna k*ll a moderately
well known cellist is...

reasonably high.

Well... not high, but...

The thing is, when the numbers
are big enough, which they are,

one in a million things
happen all the time.

Nothing happens for a reason.

Or everything happens for
no reason. One of those.

You are so boring.

How would you rate your
pain out of 10, Meg?

- What's 10?
- 10 means it would be unbearable.

I don't know, 2 and a half? 2?

- 2?
- 2... W-wouldn't 9 be like

your face is on fire or something?

So then 7 would be like, I don't
know, having your knee sh*t off?

- And then 5 would be...
- Okay. Are you left-handed?

- No, I'm...
- Great.

So you can fill this in
and your dad can help.

- Yeah.
- Oh. No, I'm not...

- Excuse me!
- Um...

- I'm not actually her...
- Yeah. Come on, Dad!

[SOMEONE GROANS AND OPENS A CAN]

Paul? No.

- Already opened it.
- No!

- I'm gonna get going.
- Your piano's on my ute.

Yeah, I know but I... I have
to figure out how to get it off.

[PHONE NOTIFICATION]

sh*t.

- PAUL: My soul hurts!
- RECEPTIONIST: That's your liver, Paul.

- What's your last name?
- Flynn.

- Flynn, okay.
- Why?

Wh... no, no, no, no,
no, we're not doing this.

- Yes. Yes, we are.
- No, no.

- No, we can't... I'm not...
- Yes, we do.

We can't lie on a government form.

It's not a government
form, you f*cking nerd.

- It's just a plain doctor's thing.
- Meg?

- Why... ?
- Yeah? Coming!

- Come on, Dad!
- Meg!

- No.
- Okay.

- You're not doing this.
- You want them to know

that you had an accident,
that was your fault and,

you left the scene,
with a minor injured?

I didn't do anything. I drove
you here and now I'm going.

I'm actually in a serious hurry.

- I'll tell 'em you're a perv.
- What?

- Yeah. I'll tell them you're an old perv.
- What?

Sorry?

Um... we're just shocked
by the acne statistics.

- That's... terrible.
- It's terrible.

- It's a surprising figure.
- Yes.

Okay. You can wait here.

- Meg.
- You're my dad,

or you're a f*cking pedo. Got it?

- Wh...
- Love you, dad!

So how can the excess be half
the value of the bloody car?

sh*t!

Right. Uh-huh.

So in your world the
word "comprehensive" means

literally its own opposite.

When I... when I ticked the box
"comprehensive" I was actually saying

"Please get me the insurance
that's not comprehensive."

But... no, but that... you're lying.

That... that's... no,
I'm not abusing you,

I'm just trying to
articulate my frustration.

- f*ck!
PAUL: All I want is a little respect...

why are you... are you
talking to me like I'm not...

- a... a... human being now?
- Shh! All right. Paul, enough!

PAUL: I built a house once!

Well, I thought I'd send you a video.

Because, I don't know,
you might watch it.

Miracles happen.

Oh, do you like my beanie?

Barbara made it and,
uh... took her two weeks,

so we're never gonna hear the end of it.

- Uh... Oh, look, I'm the full Peter Garret...

You watching p*rn in a hospital?

So inappropriate.

- What did the doctor say?
- He thinks it's broken.

LUCKY: All that training...

The X-ray guy isn't here

so they can't do an X-ray,
so they can't, like, set it.

But they gave me this, so...

- How long?
- His daughter's in Wicked.

- What?
- Yeah. X-ray guy's daughter's in Wicked,

which starts at 6 in Dimboola, so...

You can go.

Okay...

Don't worry, I told them
I did it playing netball.

Why did you tell them that I'm your dad?

I don't know, they would've...

asked a whole lot of
f*cking boring questions.

This makes me feel really
nice. You want some?

It's kind of like, it still
hurts, but... you don't care.

Where's your real dad?

Um... pub.

If he's having a good day.

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

Sorry about your...

Bye.

How are you gonna get
your piano off my ute?

- I'll figure it out.
- Then what?

I'll figure it out.

I'm going to Perth, too.

What?

- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I am.

I'm gonna go stay at my mum for a bit.

Your mum lives in Perth?

Yeah, she works in the
mines, in Kalgoorlie.

- Kalgoorlie's not Perth.
- Pretty close.

- It's 600...
- Anyway, I haven't seen her in

ages and she wants to,
like, reconnect or whatever.

You can't drive to Kalgoorlie.

Why not?

Cos it's 3000 kilometers
across a massive, weird desert,

and you've got a broken fricken thingie.

- Well, isn't that lucky?
- How?

That the knobjockey that
broke it is also going to Perth,

- and can take me, so...
- Aah?

- Yea.
- No!

- No?
- No, no, no, no, no. You... you're a...

- you're a nightmare!
- What?

I mean, apart from the fact that
you're incredibly fricking annoying,

- you just threatened to tell people that I'm...
- [RAISED VOICE] A pedo?

Jesus Christ.

... maybe in two weeks or
so. ... stay here for...

Nah.

Nah? Okay.

Nah.

- See ya.
- Mm-hmm. Whatever!

- Bye!
- Bye-bye!

Hi, Jez.

I had a car, like a
proper car accident...

No, I'm not asking for money...

I'm just trying to get back to Perth.

I... I mean, I am, but it would
just be a loan for, like, five days.

No, I'll pay you back... or a week.

No, Paddy... two, two weeks.

Seriously.

No, no, I'm totally fine. It
was three years ago, Gemma.

Yep. No, no, no...

The hire car wiped out my bank
account, when my car got... Mm-hmm.

I don't remember saying
it, if I did. Okay.

Yeah, I know I still owe
you money, but I just...

No, Steph... It'll be,
like, five days... Paddy!

f*ck.

Eclipse Mobile wishes to advise
that you have insufficient credit

- to make the call.
- Friggin... fuckshit.

- No 10s or 20s. 50 or 100.
- But I've only got this.

Is there anywhere else
that I can get phone credit?

Shouldn't think so.

I'll have this muesli bar, please.

Barbara made it and,
uh... took her two weeks,

so we're never gonna hear the end of it.

Uh... Oh, look, I'm the full
Peter Garrett under here.

But I'm feeling good though.

Uhh, listen, love.

Been talking to the others, Locky,
and... you need to come home.

It's been eight years and,
uh... enough's enough.

Everyone makes...

Tobes...

PAUL: What have you got there?

LUCKY: It's a coffin.

[PAUL LAUGHS]

No, that's a piano, eh?

- You play?
- Not if I can help it.

PAUL: I used to play the oboe.

Of all the f*cking things.

The duck...

- Mate!
- Aaah... what?

Um...

Could I have some beers?

- Get your own beer.
- Um... I've got...

$16.20.

You look after your little girl.

Next thing you know,

she'll be 28 and she'll be
blaming you for a sh*t life.

And she'd be right, I suppose.

Sorry, they're a bit warm.

Cheers, mate.

[PAUL BELCHES]

Ugh.

[LUCKY PLAYS HAUNTING MELODY]

- Mr. Flynn.
- Yes?

- Hi. Hi.
- I just had a message from the radiologist.

He forgot he was on call tonight, so
he's kind of gone and gotten drunk...

- at Wicked...
- Oh.

- ... in Dimboola.
- Yeah.

- Sorry.
- Okay.

But we have got another
one coming from Bendigo,

but she's probably at least
a couple of hours away.

- I'm really sorry.
- Okay, that's great.

I mean, that's terrible.

But it's good that someone's coming...

- Whe... where are you going?
- I... I have...

I'm just keeping an eye
on the stuff in my ute...

- Ah... Is that a piano?
- Yeah, it's a piano.

- Aah?
- Yeah.

- Do you play?
- No.

I mean, not at night.

- Not at... in hospitals.
- Yeah, no.

- No, I didn't...
- Didn't mean here.

- Just meant in general.
- Yeah.

- Do you... play?
- No. Yes.

- No. Good.
- No. No.

- Okay. Night.
- Good night. Thanks.

["GET FREE" BY THE VINES PLAYING]

[SOUND OF A UTE ENGINE]

Choccie croissant?

- It's still warm.
- Thanks.

Uh, yeah.

What's the diagnosis?

MEG: It's bad.

You're a cockwomble.

[LAUGHS]

Fractured radius.

- Want me to sign it?
- Piss off.

I'm like your... your hay bale, eh?

What?

You're like that...
that... that earlobe guy,

and I'm your hay bale.

One in a million, baby.

["LIVIN' THING" BY E.L.O. PLAYING]

By the way, you owe me 50 bucks.

["GOLDEN ERA" BY BRIGGS PLAYING]