05x45 - The Great Disaster

[bunniefuu]

[animal sounds]

Go! [title music]

T
-E
-E
-N T
-I
-T
-A
-N
-S Teen Titans, let's go [vocalizing]

Teen Titans, go [music]

[growling]

[Robin]

All right, Titans, this is it.

Our entry to the big leagues.

Let's not forget, this one put the Man of Steel in the ground.

Yeah, but the Man of Steel didn't have literal steel saws for hands.

Woo! Yeah, and he couldn't spit no poison neither! [spitting, coughing]

Yeah, and he can't get super tiny
- and fly up somebody's nose.


- Ow! Ow! Ooh, why!
- [Bumblebee buzzes]


- Yes.

And he is not the alien who absorbs the solar power and flies at the supersonic speeds.


- [all]

No, actually
- I'm pretty sure he does that.

[Beast Boy]

Mmm
-hmm.

[growling]

The point is, this fight is one for the history books.

This is the one we're going to tell our grandchildren about.

[thud]

[Robin]

What the
- [all gasp]


- [Starfire]

Who is that man? [Beast Boy]

That was awesome! [Cyborg]

Oh, my goodness! This is happening.

[all indistinct talking]

[growling]

[metal clanking]

Corn, anybody? I'm gonna make some more corn.

No, thanks, Cyborg.

I'm good.

[Bumblebee]

I'm gonna go back to the tower and pee.

And I did, my sweet grandchildren.

I went back to the tower and I peed.


- Wow!
- Yes, that was back in the day before they had pee transporters.

We do tend to take these things for granted these days.


- [device beeps]


- [pees and flushing]

What happened next, Grandma? Well, it took Hawkman four days straight to win that fight.

Afterwards, I got these fun selfies with Hawkman.

And Hawkman signed Cyborg's butt,
- which he then had laser engraved.


- [Cyborg giggles]

That tickles.

And that's the story of how I met Hawkman, right before the great disaster.

Sweet dreams, babies.

Wait, grandmother, tell us the story of the great disaster.

Oh, I don't know.

It's past your bedtime.


- Please, grandma!
- Yes, tell us the story, or I will subjugate the ninth dimension.

All right, no more dimensional subjugation, Jeremy.

You'll kick the covers off again.

It turned out that not all of us thought our encounter with Hawkman was super dope.

Ooh, let me see, let me see.

Dude, who knews he was so cool! He's ripped, too.

Did you see that harness? [roars playfully]

Am I the right? Ooh, tell me, please, who's the real villain? The alien monster that wants to destroy all life in the universe? Or, the so
-called hero, who treats us like children, all the while taking our glory,
- and the food from our mouths!
- Nah, I still got mine.


- Yes, me the too.


- Yes, me three.

But the point is, this is Titan's turf.

It's time for the young generation to chew its way free from the useless withered husk of the old.

[all gasp]


- We can take care of ourselves.


- [plate shatters]

[gulps, sighs]


- We are not children.


- We're Hawks! No, no.

We're teens.

[cries]

And we won't be treated like babies anymore! I'm gonna give this Hawk guy a piece of my mind.

[whirring]

Were you able to find the Hawkman, grandmother? We became separated.

And Robin was the one who found Hawkman first.

[heroic music]

[Robin]

Ah
-ha! A nest! [dating show on TV]

Uh, this decision has been really hard, but I'm gonna choose Tina as my secret valentine.

[gasps]

I'm not going to be treated like a kid anymore, I'm a teen, and I know where I'm going.

[yelps]

[grunts]

[groans]

[groaning]

[female contestant on TV]

I'd say, my ideal date would be Medjool.

[stomach rumbling]

[yelps]

[gasps]

[Robin mumbling]


- [baby bird groans]


- [gasps]

[clucking]

[weak groaning]

[groaning]

Where Where am I? Who am I? [clucking]

[groans]

You say my name is [clucks]

And you're [gasps]

You're my Mom! [clucking]

[both cooing]

[cock crowing]

[yells]


- [tires screech]


- [glass shatters]

[cooing]

[chirping]

[retching]

[clucking]

[bird chirping]

[yelling]

Where were the rest of the Titans, grandma? Well, honeybee, it turns out looking for hawk people is hungry work.

So the rest of us had stopped off to get some cheesesteaks.


- Ew!
- How unpleasant.

I know it's hard to imagine a time when you had to chew food with your mouth.

But, these were the days before Utopia crackers.

Which reminds me, it's time to infuse your Utopia crackers.


- Thank you, grandmother.


- Yes, I can feel the nutrients disseminating into my bloodstream.

Well, back in my day, you had to taste your food.

[Bumblebee]

And we had found the tastiest cheesesteaks in all of Jump City.

But, I was still troubled.

Do you guys really think that Hawkman's trying to keep us down? Like some sort of villain? No way! Hawkman's an awesome hero whose daddy was a hawk and whose mamma was a man.

Oh, yeah? I heard he was an ancient Egyptian prince back from the dead.


- He is the Thanagarian.


- Gesundheit.

Hawkman's just like this vegan cheesesteak.

[chomping]

He shouldn't even exist, but he does and he's perfect.

[satisfied groan]

Wow! Would have been cool to have a perfect friend.

Well, we probably won't be friends with Hawkman after today.

But I can hook you up with this cheesesteak.

Really? Oh, yeah! Do it, do it, do it! Hey, y'all.

I'm alive now, in case you was wondering.

Happy birthday vegan cheesesteak.

Gosh, I'm so excited.

I'm leaking cheese out of my mouth.

[blowing raspberry]

Raven, isn't your magic evil? Yeah.

But the sandwiches here are so good.

It's all gonna even out.


- Come on, little sandwich, let's jet.


- Well, I'd like to, but I ain't got none of them leggily bits.

That's all right, man.

I got you.


- [Cyborg]

Nanobots.


- [Nanobots squeals]

I'm living the dream.

[all chuckling]

[all laughing]

Hey, isn't that Robin and Hawkman? [all]

Robin! Mother, stop the stroller.

[Hawkman cooing]

Robin, what is the going on? Why do you keep saying Robin? [clucking]


- Is one of you being robbed?
- No, Robin.

Oh, now no one's robbing anyone.

[cooing]


- Well, you're Robin.


- Oh, so you would dare to accuse an officer of the peace and an heir to the throne of Thanagar of petty theft.

[croaking]

Robin, what is the wrong with you? If one more of you says Robin, I'll tell my Mommy to come over and b*at you up.

[clucking in anger]

He's got you mind
-controlled, man.

You gotta fight it.

[yells]

Hawkman is a villain.

But grandma, Robin wasn't being mind
-controlled, he just had a bump on the noodle.

Oh, I know.

But the great disaster had already begun.

And after what happened next, Robin could never consider us part of a super hero team again.

[screams]

[Cyborg screaming]

Robin! No! [yelling]

Oh, my goodness! [all]

Robin! [gasps]

[crying]

[music]

Oh, vegan cheesesteak, you truly are a super food.

You can't die.

It's all right, papa, y'all showed me that cybernetic or vegan, white or wheat, we all are one.

[groans]

No, I mean, literally, you can't die because of the nanobots.

Golly, gosh.

That's real neat.

You're the perfect sandwich.

And you can self
-replicate! [both]

Jiminy!
- [Robin mumbling]


- Robin.

Starfire, I remember everything now.

And I guess there are some good things about being treated like a kid.

[all]

Aww! You know, after all this, I don't think I can think of you guys as superheroes again.

[all]

What? What I do think is that you guys don't have to pay
- top dollar for a new mattress.


- [all]

Um Turns out Robin had a serious concussion and ended up in the hospital.

But what he meant to say was that he thought of all of us as a family.

And that's how we thought of ourselves from that moment forward.

That's the story of the greatest disaster the world has ever known.


- [button beeps]


- Thank you, for the story, grandma.

Yes, I found it soothing.

Goodnight, sweeties.

[all]

Hey, y'all! Hey, Bumblebee.

Hey, Bumblebee.

Bumblebee.

Bumblebee.