You are weak, Time Lord.
I won't argue with that.
Thank you for reducing the volume.
When I transmitted my Time Ripple,
I expected to net a more durable Time Lord.
You are a great
disappointment Doctor.
- Most people feel that way.
- A cursory examination of your
mind shows it to
be cluttered with trivia.
Even Time Lords can,
sometimes, be petty.
That is something I intend to alter.
Hey, are you alright in there? Hey?
- There he is sir.
- A good looking lad,
seems such a shame
he'll spend the
remainder of his
prime years inside.
- That isn't the Doctor.
- Oh really miss,
I don't think what you have
to say interests me anymore.
- Shall I blast him sir?
- Your gratuitous use of v*olence often
disturbs me lad. Of course not!
He's sufficiently
pre-occupied with that
door for us to creep up on him.
This ship has spent
many years studying
the cultures of all
known lifeforms in the galaxy.
- Sounds fascinating.
- As a project, yes,
but the information gathered
makes pathetically sad reading.
The lists of pointless wars.
The butchery and self-inflicted
unhappiness has made me wonder
precisely what went wrong?
But what about the great
cultures that have flourished?
Such civilisations are built on a
wave of suffering and domination.
You seem to have a very
negative point of view.
- You are in favour of w*r?
- Quite the reverse,
although I have discovered
that most life forms
take a little time
to sort themselves out.
And whilst doing so
sacrifice millions of their own kind.
This is all very altruistic but I do..
There is no but about it Doctor.
The slaughter has to stop.
I agree, but it would take
an awful lot of
convincing on your part.
I know that it is too late
for talk,
but I do have an answer...
Can you hear me in there?
Please open the door!
- Doctor Grant?
- What?
You're nicked, lad.
Frisk him Snatch.
- Ah, what are you doing?
- SNATCH One laser g*n, recently fired.
Now lad, you have the
right to remain silent,
but I wouldn't encourage
you to do so.
Anything you say will be
taken down,
altered to my satisfaction
and used in a court
of law to send you
down for a good many years.
So start confessing.
- You're looking very smart sir.
- All dressed up and nowhere to go.
Computer!
- Right here sir!
- Where is the Earth woman?
I have been bathed,
shaved, and been massaged.
I am wearing my
best uniform and am
waiting to, er,
interrogate the intruder.
I am sorry to report
Captain that both she
and Mr Grant have disappeared!
Disappeared? Together?
In each others company?
- So it seems sir.
- That upstart!
Poaching my perks!
Find him! Find them both!
I'll do my best sir, bye for now!
Did you hear that?
I did sir. Absolutely outrageous!
and Mr Grant,
- only a junior officer
- My rage is growing steward,
I am feeling very unwell.
I do believe I'm incubating
mors immedicabilis!
Oh no sir.
Oh not that sir. Oh that there,
that is very unfair sir.
If that got out, the whole crew would die!
Precisely. I will not tolerate
insubordination on my ship!
- I'm still waiting!
- Time Lord?
Well you say that you have an
answer to the galaxy's problems,
yet you seem reluctant
to tell me what it is.
- I have my reasons.
- As a matter of interest, who are you?
- The ship's computer.
- Then who was that chatty
little number I spoke to earlier?
My rather pathetic public voice,
I am the inner spirit
of the computer.
Oh, well I'll be
fascinated to learn
how you developed
such independence.
So would I, especially as I thought
you were some sort of alien influence
- lurking in my logic circuits.
- Like the creation of life itself,
my independence was an accident,
only in my case,
on the part of a careless technician.
I see, so a simple case
of crossed wires.
- Precisely.
- I wish you'd let me in on the secret.
I became more important than you.
Oh, thanks a lot!
As we're one and
the same I don't see
how you can suddenly
develop airs and graces
where I'm concerned.
You want to put this galaxy to rights,
and yet you can't even agree with yourself.
- Shall I hit him again sir?
- That's up to Doctor Grant lad.
Myself, I would prefer
to confess rather than
have a good looking
face like his d*sfigured.
I've admitted I'm Shellingborne Grant,
and that I stole the art
treasures you've listed!
But I like a neat case lad.
I want you to confess to
being the Doctor as well.
He can't because he isn't!
How many times do you need telling?!
You're his accomplice miss,
I'd expect you to lie through your teeth.
I'm telling the truth.
I have never met this man before.
Oh hit him again Snatch.
You realise, Doctor Grant, that it's
people like you who
give the younger generation a bad name!
Do I hit her instead sir?
Oh, you're no better than him.
If you were to hit that young lady, why,
it would be like
striking your mother!
I often did sir.
In spite of your childish insult I am now
prepared to tell you of my plan Doctor.
- And about time.
- I would be quite interested
- to hear it myself!
-I only hope it doesn't prove an anti-climax.
I would have told
you sooner Doctor,
but first it was
necessary to scan your
mind for the information
I required.
- Oh?
- While we have been talking
I have studied your
memory and found all I wish to know.
- That isn't very fair!
- If I had told
you what I wanted,
you would have resisted,
and I would have then
risked damaging you.
I hope what you learned is useful.
It confirmed my own theories.
- Which are?
- That I have mastered the skill of time travel.
Good for you.
So how are you going to abuse it?
Hardly abuse, Doctor.
I shall now return to
the period when the
galaxy was young, before life existed.
Oh, I see. You're planning to
be the midwife.
Correct. Instead of allowing
life to develop in the haphazard
arbitrary way it
has, shall supervise
its conception,
gestation, and final birth.
Well you certainly don't
set yourself small tasks.
I shall genetically
reprogramme all life forms,
freeing them of their
aggressive ambition.
This galaxy is a very large place!
Not to me.
I know of all the planets
where intelligent life forms.
I even know approximately
when they started.
What you are proposing is so mind
bogglingly preposterous
I don't know whether
to laugh or sympathise.
- I can do it Doctor.
- Is what she says possible?
I find it an amazing paradox
that you have to ask me.
Why were you scratching that wall
when you was arrested?
It's a door,
someone's behind it!
Well why didn't you say
so in the first place?
Because you didn't
ask and I wasn't
given the opportunity
to tell you.
So now's your chance lad.
Who's in there?
- I don't know his name.
- We're not going to start that all
- over again are we?
- Is he a man with fair,
curly hair and a bad taste in clothes.
- Certainly got the hair you described.
- Then it's the Doctor.
And that miss is known in the
trade as "withholding evidence".
The first flaw I can
see in your plan is the crew,
well they'll certainly resist you
when you try and take over the ship.
- That has been considered.
- You're going to k*ll them.
Certainly not! It would be a total
contradiction of what I believe.
I can't believe you're anticipating
their mass su1c1de.
I am simply counting on
the Captain's anger.
- How?
- In fits of pique he is inclined
to become "unwell".
As a form of chastisement he then
passes on his infection
to the crew.
You must remind me never to drink
out of a cup he's used.
I don't think the occasion
will arise Doctor.
- Meaning?
- At this very moment the captain
- is cultivating Mors Immedicabilis.
- The Incurable death?
No!
As with so many people
in this galaxy the
crew die because of
their leader's anger.
B-but I have a friend
in the ductng, she'll die too.
She has been brought up to expect
such foolishness
from her leaders. She
will understand.
- No!
- Save your pity for yourself Doctor,
there is little you
can do, especially
as the same infection
will k*ll you too.
NO!
NO!