01x04 - Blinded By My End

[bunniefuu]

Good morning!

We got a dedication right here
going out to Mindy,

down harvesting carnage carts
in the lower 16th district.

Keep it up, keep it trim,
and bring em' on in, honey.

Whoa!

Cool.

Incoming transmission.

- Clancy?
- What?

- Are you there? Can you hear me?
- Daniel Hoops?

Can't watch your spacecast anymore.

- What?
- My dad's being a tart baker.

No!

My dad's dweebing his shorts,
my dad wants to k*ll you,

my dad liquefied Chad.

- Wait, what?
- Thanks for the ice cream,

but my dad's a powerful man,
so you might wanna leave town, okay?

-Clancy, I gotta go, but...
-Yes, Daniel?

I love these shirts. Daniel Hoops out!

No!

I'm watching you, Clancy Gilroy!

Greetings, Master.

I did a deep interior scan last night
and discovered a planet

I think you might be interested in.

-Huh, what is that? Doesn't look like...
-Mercurytaville.

A paradise planet unlike any other.

Every being on this world
has achieved maximum harmony...

Namastex!

...and maximum hedonism.

No way, this seems too good to be true.
There's gotta be something wrong with it.

If that's wrong...

-...then I don't want to be right.
-Oh!

I hope you don't mind, Master,

but I created an erotic avatar for you,

designed so that you can truly enjoy
the many orgies this world has to offer.

Whoa! Cool dude.

Bon voyage, Master!

Merging with simulator in three, two,

one...

Aloha, my long-necked island friend.

Where are the orgies?

Just get a drink. Where am I?

I don't think this is Mercurytaville.

Don't see an orgy yet,
but the night is young.

Excuse me. Hey, where are the orgies?

Or pool... Swimming pools, even?

Ahem. Okay, sorry!

What's up?
Where are the orgies tonight, g*ng?

Shh! Stop it.

Let's start over.

My name's Clancy, and you two
fine gentlem...

Friends. Gentle friends.

- It's Fred.
- Uh, Steve.

Can I interview you?

-Rather not.
-It's for space.

A spacecast? Uh, no, thank you.

All right.

Now, that is a man
who knows where the orgy tent is.

Hey, worm neck!

Let me get a couple of drinks
for old mustache guy

with one eye over there, the bad eye.

-Looks like you had a hard day.
-I'm sober!

I'm sober!

My bugs!

You know, picking people up by their shirt
is against the rules, Cornelius.

Why can't you be more like
Fred and Steve here?

Oh, thanks, Trudy!

But I forgive you.

Ah! Love!

The only thing my armor can't withstand!

Voice of an angel, that man.

Wow!

- Thanks, Trudy!
- Cheers, there!

Hey.

I'm Clancy.

Ma'am, my name is Clancy... Gilroy.

Free boots!

I'm gonna grab these boots, milady.

One moment, my lady.

- See you, guys.
- Ah, get off me!

Ah, bugs!

Would you be in my spacecast? Uh...

Whoa!

Here you go.

Come with me.

Trudy, that was so badass back there.

You were like, "I forgive you!"

Bam! You melted that guy.

Yeah, I did...

...but that doesn't mean
I don't have a heart.

Often, the best we can do is...

Think of forgiveness

-as freeing your own heart...
-Right.

...from these states of grudge
and resentment and anger and ill-will.

-Yeah.
-Sometimes, that's the best we can do.

We're not gonna love our enemy,

but we don't have to be obsessed
for our lifetime

-with the harm that was done to us.
-Right. Yeah.

Forgiveness is tricky.

I think of it as this
ultimate spiritual pull-up bar.

And I remember getting a...

...getting a trainer,
and he brought me to the pull-up bar,

he's like,
"We're gonna get you doing pull-ups!"

I'm like, "Can't do it!"

He's like, "No, Clancy,
I'm gonna teach you how to do pull-ups."

I'm like, "I can't! It'll never happen."

And sure enough,
I couldn't do a pull-up the first time,

but then he's like,
"Let me show you something."

He starts putting these embarrassing...

I don't know what they are,
these straps on me or something,

so it's a little lighter.

-Oh, he gave you some support.
-Some support.

-And then...
-That's key.

...within a few weeks, pull-ups!
I'm doing pull-ups!

-I've liberated myself from...
-Can you still do a pull-up?

I don't know,
I haven't been going to the gym,

-but I know that I can now.
-That's fantastic, Clancy.

Forgiveness is the pull-up bar.

We look at it...

...and we think, "No... f*cking... way.

That son of a bitch?
Are you kidding? I can't.

-He didn't. He..."
-Okay, but you didn't do it alone, Clancy.

-Right.
-We can't do it alone.

-Right.
-You got support!

This is Rumi.
"There's a community of the spirit.

Join it and feel the delight of walking
in the noisy street and being the noise.

Drink all your passion and be a disgrace.

Close both eyes to see with the other eye.

Open your hands if you want to be held."

You know, you got support.

We need each other. We need community.

And that's actually why
I started InsightLA.

I came here,
I was, like, already middle-aged.

-Oh, no!
-What's wrong, milady?

Trudy, I'm soft like these petals,

and you're sharp like a thorn.

Together, we make a rose.

Trudy...

can I marry you?

-Trudy bitch!
-Trudy!

I'm too tough for you, dude!

Yeah, so I was all alone.

And I thought,
"Other people must feel this way too.

Why don't we get together? Why don't
we create some community together?

- Yeah.
- And we need that.

It's the same with forgiveness,
it's the same with mindfulness,

it's the same with love.

We can't do it ourselves.

I hear you say that,
and I, you know, I think...

I was just on the phone with my friend,
who... He, um...

Just... His mother just passed away,
his father d*ed years ago...

His brother...
He's estranged from his brother...

and you realize, like...

I'm the one who should be
calling you for help.

Shh, Cassiopeia, it's okay.

Your strength is giving me inspiration.

- Contact with reality is helping me.
- That's beautiful.

And I think I'm so lucky this person
had the guts to not be afraid

to reach out to me.

Yeah, but it's not luck.

-It's because you listened.
-Right.

We have sonar for when people
are deeply listening to us.

-Right.
-So, that's why he came to you.

Right. But I think to myself
of people listening right now,

who are thinking...

..."I don't really have a Clancy to call.
And I'm really alone."

- Yes.
- "Or maybe I have people I could call,

but they're not listening."
What do they do?

What about that?

What about those people
who are still in the forest

from whatever house burnt down?

Whether it's a metaphorical house
or actual.

And they're completely... They feel
completely disconnected and alone.

I just... What do they do?
Who do you talk to when you've got nobody?

Yeah. That's a hard one.

Honey, money.
Honey, money. Honey, money...

We want our money, honey.

- Should I give them some money?
- Don't give 'em any.

We want our money, honey.

Honey, money!

There's someone I know
that teaches mindful writing,

and she has a writing group
at a place where people

who are experiencing homelessness
and also mental illness can come.

So everybody comes,

and they do a little bit
of mindfulness meditation together,

and then they write,

and then they read their writing
to each other, and they listen.

- And the people love it.
- Whoa!

And then things happen,
there's magic that happens.

One lady, she had been...

I guess all her stuff was stolen
from the place while she was sleeping.

And, you know, she's all alone,
God knows where she's sleeping.

She woke up... But she wrote
about this experience, and then...

these two guys in the group,
who were friends, said,

"Come sleep under our bridge."

"We'll watch over you,
and we'll keep your stuff safe."

It's a shame that people

- would have to be sleeping under bridges.
- Yeah.

Good job, Cassiopeia.

Creating chances for people
to hear each other,

I keep coming back to that.

If we don't have a place,
maybe starting a place.

Because if you're lonely,
you know other people are lonely.

- It's just...
- Find another lonely person.

Trudy, you're a very...

amazing, special person.

I'm thinking, like, in times of my life
where I've been lonely,

I'm gonna sleep on a mattress
and try to forget life.

Clancy, when I came here,
I didn't know anybody, and...

I started my first sitting group with...

two people.

Fred and Steve came.

- Hi, Trudy!
- Oh, hi, Trudy!

Two people.

I didn't start a center.

It grew organically.
It was like cooking from scratch.

Cool.

I didn't even have the idea
of starting a center.

-I wanted company.
-Right.

And I found...
I don't know how I found Fred and Steve!

I think it was through a friend
of my cousin's or something,

- you know?
- Right.

Hup!

That is so cool.

When we set an intention,

somehow, the world seems
to magically come to meet us.

-Have you felt that?
-Yes!

And it is stunning to see...

It's almost as though the world
is waiting for you to decide

-what side you're on, and...
-And what matters most to you.

Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Right.

How to gather your energies around
what really matters

and what's most important to you.

And that means,
in the moment when you're lonely,

- company is what's most important to you.
- Yeah.

When you're hungry,
food is what's most important.

Uh, you were talking
about listening a lot.

The other night, I was...

...at a party and ear b*ating somebody.

Like, giving someone the most brutal
ear b*ating of all time.

I was talking to them about
my modular synthesizers.

His eyes had glazed over.

This, I'm sure, doesn't happen to you
'cause you have a regular practice,

but, like, it was like I was sitting
in a giant yappy meat robot

and I'd lost control
of the mouth function.

Like, I couldn't stop myself from talk-...

I'm yapping about modular synthesizers,
I'm looking at this guy...

All he's thinking is,
"How do I get away from this dude?"

And I am thinking,
"How do I get away from this dude?"

Like, I'm wanting to
get away from myself.

If I could've, like,
ejected from the robot to not...

I was boring myself,

so God knows how this sweet man felt,
'cause he was really listening to me.

Anyway, and this is kind of
a sinister way to end the story...

but it actually happened,
and I didn't know the guy at all.

I just met him at that party.

I come to find out the next week
he d*ed in a car accident.

And so, you know, like,
in his last moments on Earth,

fifteen minutes was filled up with what
must have been the most rotten ear b*ating

about modular synthesizers on Earth,
and I didn't listen to him.

If I had known that he only had
a few days left to live,

I don't think that I would've done that.

So, my question for you is...

Sometimes, to me, I really feel like
I lose the ability to listen.

I get so caught up in my own bullshit
that I can't listen to people anymore,

and I'm faking listening.

You know, I'm nodding and looking
and being intent and everything,

but I'm not hearing
a damn thing they said.

Can you tell us a little bit about

how we can cultivate
the skill of listening in our own lives?

Yes.

And the story you told, it also
links again back to the beginning,

when you were talking about
how we don't get it.

We don't really let it in,
about our mortality.

Because if we really did understand
that this body will be a corpse...

Right.

The time of death is uncertain,

but death is certain.

If we really got that,

we would have fewer of the kind of moments

where we regret having wasted our time
or somebody else's.

And we would be more acutely...

I mean,
people who have a terminal diagnosis,

sometimes they say this weird thing

about how they're grateful
because they never felt more alive.

- Right.
- And you think, "Uh, really?"

But that's what they're pointing to...

...that they're acutely sensitive
to the fleeting nature of being alive.

And it's so precious,

and just as horrible and brutal
as the world can be,

it's gorgeous and exquisite, too.

- Yeah.
- So, I think to listen to each other

requires a little bit of mindfulness.

We have to learn to recognize
what's going on in our own minds

while we're listening.

How do you be aware that
you're thinking about something else

- while somebody's talking to you?
- Right.

Lots of times,
we don't even realize it, we just realize,

"Oh, God,
I didn't even hear the last paragraph."

That's right.

But we spend a lot of time that way,

-in these sort of fugue states...
-Yes.

...where we...

What did you say? The robot?

Yeah. You're not even sitting
in the robot control chamber.

You're down in the bathroom!

Yes? Who is it?

Hi, Sarah. Can I get a potion?

Oh, yes!

You mean this potion, baby?

Yes. That potion.

Hey, you gotta pay me first, lady!

You know how long potions take to concoct?

I've been milking a crow in here for days!

This dry old crow!

I know my baby's
gotta make more potions, though.

Kuh-kah!

Mama's gotta milk the crow.
Mama's gotta milk it.

Ooh, mama's gonna milk it!

Kuh-kah!

I'll trade you a potion for one baby.

Yep, here you go.

Baby!

-There's no catch, right?
-You're being paranoid, Sarah.

I'm gonna take your baby
and give you a potion?

That is the idea.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Come here, baby!

Ah! I'm so excited.

This is what I live for!

Come to Grandma's candy forest!

Ah!

Here you go.

- One potion!
- Bombs away...

What does that mean?

It means thank you, and goodbye.

Look at that there.

Oh, it's beautiful, Steve.

Is that kid... dead?

No, I tucked him away in my pouch.

Wow!

You know, they say meditation
as a practice is practicing for death.

Practicing for life!

- Practicing to listen!
- Yeah.

Monkey see, monkey do, Trudy!

Monkey lie, monkey die, Jam Roll!

I love that.

-Continue. I'm sorry to cut you off there.
-No, I think that's all I... would say.

Except I was intrigued

by what you said...

...about practicing to listen,

because, in a way,
listening is how we...

Like, listening to our own bodies,
listening...

...to the sounds of life around us...

that grounds us,
you know, in the present moment.

Listening...

...to our own inner voice
and intuition.

Every time I override that intuition,

-it's a disaster.
-Every time.

-Every time, Clancy.
-Yeah.

I love you, Cassiopeia.

The more sensitive I get
and the more I know, instant karma.

But it comes hard and fast
when I overlook what I know to be true,

- and just forge ahead.
- Right.

So, I think that deep listening
protects our aliveness too.

Wow!

Listening is the connection
to the universe.

It's the thing that... Wow!

It's weird, like, you know,
they say when we breathe,

we're connecting by
breathing in everything...

-Yeah!
-...and breathing...

But when we listen, it's almost
a form of respiration, where...

-Yeah. Receiving aliveness, yeah.
-Wow!

Aliveness in the form of your voice,

or in the form of the stillness
in this room.

Yeah, receiving it.

Whoa!

What a joy to get to chat with you.
Thank you so much for this conversation.

My delight, Clancy!

Well, hello again, Trudy!

Trudy, Trudy, Trudy!

This day will be your undoing, Jam Roll.

Oh-ho-ho! Trudy, Trudy, Trudy!
It's Prince Jam Roll!

Die, Prince Jam Roll.

Your lover is mine, Trudy!

-Can I say "f*ck"?
-Yeah, for sure.

You f*cking k*lled Gerald, my boyfriend!

He was a delicious snack for the demon
that live inside of my... booty!

Trudy, Trudy, Trudy,
it's so nice to see you.

But... you smell like sh*t, okay?

So I'm gonna rip off my nose!

Yowza!

-Ow! Ouch, ouch! Ow!
-Yah!

Ouch! Trudy, I have been
practicing my spinning, Trudy.

Oh, shush! Come here, Clancy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you sure?

- Oh, Trudy, look over here!
- Whoa!

Take that! And that!

I got you!

I see you, Trudy!

Trudy, my booty is...

juicy.

-We doing this!
-Oh, yeah! Mmm!

You about to get it!

Trudy, you're full of surprises...

just like my ass.

I'm ready for a snack, Prince Jam Roll.

All right, give me a second.

Gotcha!

Are you okay?

Your blood is mine!

Forgiveness...

is... tricky!

Oh, bullocks!

Scratchy!

The magic is happening.

Boom! You're better!

-Thanks, bud.
-No problem.

Two feet, four shoes...

Four shoes. Yeah.

-Trudy!
-My boyfriend!

Hey, lovebirds.

Guess what?

Jam Roll's got a margarita machine.

I'm drunk.

What the f*ck's going on?

Holy sh*t!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

That was a fun one, Simulator.

I didn't make it to Mercury
'cause a cat got me...

turned around to the fancy woods.

Master! I'm so glad to see you alive.

Wait a minute.
You can get hurt in there?

I told you.

I made an avatar that could
experience everything, including...

the ecstasy of death.

I could've f*cking d*ed!

- That's f*cked up. Never do that again.
- Okay, Master.

- Use your f*cking brain!
- Okay, Master.

Look what I got.

Whoa! It even works out here!

I'm gonna go plant it outside.

Four shoes!

Computer, activate defense... protocol.

Okay, Master!

sh**t a laser.

Anyone who comes within 80 feet
of this thing... the rose.

I don't have lasers, Master,
but I could turn on the sprinklers.

This is your new home, Rose.

No one's gonna bother you here.
This is where you're gonna be safe.

For the rest of your life.

That's it.