07x08 - 07x11 - Space House (4 parts)

[bunniefuu]

[bird crowing]

[cat meowing, mouse squeaking]

[elephant trumpeting, lion roaring]

[theme music playing]

♪ Hey, look what just arrived
in the mail ♪

♪ Ooh! ♪

♪ It's an invitation ♪

♪ For a free vacation ♪

- ♪ To the Space House ♪
- ♪ Space House ♪

♪ We gon' blast right off
and kick it at the... ♪

♪ Space House
Space House ♪

♪ Exactly what it sounds like ♪

♪ A big old house in outer space ♪

♪ With no particular destination ♪

♪ Who cares?
It's a free vacation! ♪

♪ New friends!
It's a celebration ♪

♪ Space House
Space House ♪

♪ Exactly what it sounds like ♪

♪ Space House
Space House ♪

♪ We're gonna blast right off
and kick it at the... ♪

♪ Space House! ♪

[Robin whistles, chuckles]
Wow! Look at that view.

Out of this world!

Just like the invitation
said it would be.

Speaking of which,
we still have no idea

who invited us on this free
vacation or where we're even going.

Do not look into the mouth of the
horse that gives you the gifts.

- Got it. We'll just throw caution to the wind as usual.
- [Cyborg exclaims]

This house is so high-tech.

It's got a -D printer snack machine.

Don't be playing with me, Cy!

I'm not playing with you.
Check it!

- Burger.
- Burrito.

- Burger!
- [yells] Burrito!

[oven dings]

[Cyborg and Beast Boy together]
Burgerrito!

[gobbling]

- Thank you, Space House!
- [S.H.A.D.I.] You're welcome.

Whoa! Who said that?

The House. I'm talking.

Space House is alive?

- Space House, identify yourself!
- [S.H.A.D.I.] Of course.

I am Space House Artificial
Domestic Intelligence.

Or S.H.A.D.I. for short.

- I am voice activated
- and I control everything in this house.

Space House. Open cabinet.

- [grunts]
- Sweet.

[S.H.A.D.I.] Attention, Titans, the
other guests have just arrived.

The other what now?

You weren't the only ones from the
only universe to get an invitation.

Other guests
from another universe?

[thunderclap]

Titans, ready yourselves.

We have no idea what's about to
walk through that space door.

- [footsteps approaching]
- [tense music plays]

[doorbell rings]

[door creaks]

- [Titans together] The DC Superhero Girls!
- [together] What's up?

[chattering excitedly]

Ah! The sigh of relief.

We do not have to destroy them.

And we need not destroy you.

- [screams]
- [glass breaking]

Which we totally could
because there's just more of us.

No. We would still win
in a fight.

You, for instance,
are definitely no match for me.

Oh, is that right?
You don't say.

Um, yes.

I'm better than you
at probably everything.

[scoffs] Oh, yeah?

- Back flip.
- Triple back flip.

[gasps]

A -D printer snack machine!

I know, right!

Does it have a Non-GMO setting?

Oh, yeah. Nows you speaking
my language.

- Totally better.
- Totally not.

[objects clattering]

We will have a great time
together on our space-cation.

Nothing is going to ruin it for us.

Isn't that right,
Batgirl and Robin?

[both groaning]
Fine. Yeah, Okay.

Actually, even a small meteorite
could ruin it for us.

Uh, here we go.

That's all it would take
to shatter that glass dome

and suck all of us out into that
cold dark void of space.

- [glass breaking]
- [all screaming]

Don't listen to Bumblebee.

She has lots
of irrational fears.

- [S.H.A.D.I.] Attention, guests.
- [Supergirls gasping]

What foul bewitchery is this?

There is no bewitchery.
That is the S.H.A.D.I.

The house is
the artificially intelligent.

I am happy to inform you that it
is time to pick your bedrooms.

There's only one way
to do this fairly.

Everyone for themselves!

[all shouting]

I get the room with the view!

Wow!

I get the room with no gravity!
[exclaims excitedly]

We get the room with toilet beds

'cause we eats too many
printer foods.

Yeah.
We don't need our privacy.

[both grunting]

[flushing]

Mmm-hmm.
That'll do just fine.

Cool! Water bed!

[sighs]

Whoa. Seasick.

[exclaims]

[grunts]

Yeah. Thick walls.

Good. Won't be able
to sleep-fly through these.

- [both] I'll take this room.
- [exclaiming]

The entertainment system of this
room features the holograms.

Let us see a projection
from my home, Themyscira.

[static]

- [exclaims] Kitty!
- [gasps]

- [thuds]
- [groans]

I take it you like cats.

Well, I guess that leaves me
with the only room left.

- [door creaks]
- [spooky music plays]

[water bubbling]

Not exactly cozy.

Actually, exposed ceilings

and metallic finishes
are all the rage right now.

But, there's actual
smoke in here.

It's probably just
a therapeutic humidifier.

[coughs]

Well, I don't like it one bit!

Oh, here we go again.

What?

Another one
of your irrational fears.

What... [stammers]

This fear is totally rational!

I mean, look at this room.
That is a legit cryotube.

Ah. That's just
a space lava lamp.

Bumblebee, you have to learn
to master your fears.

A certain caped crusader
taught me that.

Who was it? Batman?
It was Batman, wasn't it?

He taught me that, too.

He taught me first.

- I smelled his cowl once.
- [Batgirl] Well, I do his taxes.

- [Robin] I polished his Bat forks.
- He lets me...

I think
there's something in there.

[suspicious music plays]

[screams] Did you see that?

[both] One, two, three, four.
I declare a thumb w*r.

[both grunting]

Good night.

[light flicks off]

[snoring]

[coughs]

Ah... All this smoke
is making my throat dry.

[yawns]

[slurps, sighs]

[thuds]

[spits]

Danger alert! Danger alert!
Danger alert!

[both] Bumblebee!
What's wrong?

There's an alien in the house.

He's big and purple and blue, and
like I said, it's in the house!

Oh, Bumblebee.

There you go with your
irrational fears, again.

There are no aliens
in the house.

Oh, yeah! Then what about that?

Whoa. A slime trail.

Huh. I guess
there is an alien in the house.

- Perfect!
- Perfect?

It's the perfect opportunity
to master your fears.

That's true.
If you can master your fear

of a terrifying alien from
space, you can master any fear.

But some fears
don't need to be mastered.

Some fears keep you alive.

We should hide. [shivers]

No. We'll track it down
and face it head on.

You can do this, Bumblebee.
I bee-lieve in you.

Then it's settled.

We'll track down the alien
and we'll do it

using my superior
detective skills.

- [Batgirl] I found a clue!
- What?

According to my scanner,

the slime is derived from a
creature of asterozilic nature.

Good work, Batgirl.

[snickers]

That's nothing. Watch this.

A detective's greatest tool
is the tongue.

[groans] It's fresh.

- It's definitely fresh!
- [crackles]

I don't think you should
be licking alien slime.

[Batgirl] Found another clue 'cause
I'm the greatest detective ever!

What? Wait. I'll taste it.

[groaning]
I think we're getting closer.

[exclaims, screams]

Hey. What's going on?

And why is Robin eating slime?

[munching]

He's trying to prove
he's the better detective.

Also, interesting side note...

There's an alien in the house!

[Batgirl] I found it!

[suspenseful music plays]

- [thuds]
- [all gasp in horror]

That thing looks like
it could do some damage.

We're gonna need some armor.

[heroic music plays]

Ah, yes.

Check this thing out!

[grunts]

I can't fit.

It's way too small.

There's only one person
that could get in there.

Oh, no, no, no, no way!

The powerlifter suit is tiny.

You're the only one
who could fit.

Plus, it's the perfect opportunity
for you to master your fears.

Ugh. Fine.

[clicks]

- [robot clicking]
- [alarm blaring]

[metal whirring]

[clanging]

- [thuds]
- You got this, Bumblebee!

I hope she's safe in there.

- [squelching]
- [tense music plays]

Uh... Robin...

- Are you all right?
- [sobs] No!

I don't think he's all right.

Master my...
fears.

[alien snarling]

[alien] Excuse me, roomie.

[Bumblebee screams]

[grunts]

[exclaims]

[screaming, grunting]

[panting]

Uh, what's happening?

I was coughing, so I went
to get a drink of water

and then there was an alien
in the house,

so I got in the powerlifter because
I was the only one small enough

and then Robin mutated
and they both att*cked me,

so now I'm going to throw
one of them into space.

Okay.

How do I know which one
to hurl into space?

I'm Robin.

- [all] Hmm.
- [Robin] Oh, come on.

[muffled scream]

Curse that invitation
for a free vacation!

Wow. This is way more comfortable
than that water bed.

And I can even breathe
underwater now.

I finally have a superpower.

Batgirl must be so jealous.

Hey, Bumblebee. How jealous do
you think she's gonna be, huh?

Maybe Starro wasn't so bad
after all.

...yeah, but you have no superpowers.

[S.H.A.D.I.] Ah! The incomprehensible
majesty of the Orion Nebula.

- Just look at that stunning...
- No, thanks. We busy.

[narrator reading]

It's time to announce

the baker with the best
blueberry muffins.

And the winner is...

Robert.

- [all exclaiming]
- All right. The hurray!

Anti-gravity rooms,
hologram machines,

incredible views of the galaxy
and all you wanna do on your

once-in-a-lifetime spacecation
is watch Muffin Wars?

Space House, off.

Ugh. Someone click
next episode.

I don't want to watch
the credits.

Yeah. Who cares
about acknowledging

other people's accomplishments?
Give me the remote.

But it's so far away.

I got it.

[narrator reading]

Thanks, Green Lantern.
That was a close one.

That's one powerful ring
you got there.

I know, right? I can create
anything I can imagine with it.

Power. Ooh.

Can I try it on?

Beast Boy, don't be rude.

Yeah. You don't ask somebody
you barely know

to try on
their personal effects.

- What's wrong with you?
- Sorry, Beast Boy,

but Power Rings
are only to be worn by members

- of the Green Lantern Corps.
- But Beastie wants it.

He wants the shiny green
Power Ring.

He needs it. Lets him have it.

What has gotten into you, man?

And why are you talking
in the third person?

I don't know.

It's the ring.
It's making me crazy.

It's okay. Power can have
that sort of effect on people.

Especially people
with limited brain capacity.

[static]

This ring
is actually so powerful,

that I have
to recite an oath everyday

just to remind myself
of how powerful it is.

[laughs] I love a good oath.
Let's hear it.

I, Jessica Cruz,
of the Green Lantern Corps,

pledge to respect
the incredible power

of this super powerful
Power Ring.

The power...

The power!

Beastie must haves it.

And because it is so powerful...

Hey! My Power Ring!

It's Beastie's power.

The power is mine!

[grunts]

Give me my Power Ring back!

[grunts] Never!

[both grunting]

[both] My ring!

Where did it go?

Well, this is my magic hat,

so it disappeared. [chuckles nervously]
But never fear,

I, Zatanna, will retrieve it.
Sorry.

Huh. This is embarrassing.

You know what, sometimes
it's just rabbits all day long.

- [thuds]
- [squeaks]

- I'm going in.
- In the hat?

Oh, no, no, no, no.
You do not want to do that.

You've never gone
in your magic hat before?

No way!

My hat is very, very magical.

Look.
There's even a warning label.

The ring...

I must haves the ring.

[shouts]

Oh, no.
I'm definitely going in.

- [grunts]
- Jess!

I do not know
what is in this hat,

but I know
I have to help my friend.

- I'm going in.
- Me, too.

I just want to see
what it looks like in there.

Titans! Our help is needed.

Superhero Girls, likewise!

Eh. They can probably
handle it, right?

I mean, we don't
all need to go in, do we?

Nah. It'd be overkill

and way too many characters
to keep track of.

Then it's settled.
Due to production constraints,

we'll stay here and watch more
Muffin Wars!

[all] Yay!

[narrator]
Now back to Muffin Wars...

[all screaming]

- [screams]
- [thuds]

[gasps] Look at this place.

Everything is very magical here,

so be careful what you touch.

[screams] Whoa!

Ooh!

Okay. Stop messing around.

Does anyone see my ring?

It's gotta be here somewhere.

Look! On top
of that house of cards.

Or, more like mountain of cards.

My ring!

My ring.

Beastie must haves it.

[growls]

Beast Boy! Get back here!

Let us make haste.

We cannot let your bestial friend
get to the mountain first.

Okay. But keep your eyes open.

It could be dangerous in here.

[suspenseful music plays]

[Jessica] I feel so vulnerable.

Without my ring, I'm
completely useless as a hero.

Hey! Sounds like someone's
in need of an uplifting speech.

Uh, what now?

True power isn't found
in magic rings.

Take me, for example.

- I have no powers whatsoever.
- [buzzes]

You might even say I'm a
useless lump of dead weight.

Yeah, you might say that.

But you'd be wrong!

True power comes...

[screaming, whimpering]

Help me!

[all grunting]

[growls]

[grunts]

[muffled scream]

[screeches]

Sorry. [nervous laughter]

I wouldn't normally
require this much help.

Just remember, Jess.

True power comes... [groans]

Look! It's Beast Boy!

[growls]

Must haves it.

Beastie must haves it.

After him!

[rumbling]

[all gasp]

[grunts] We're trapped

inside a giant magic box!

You mean the kind
that magicians stick swords...

- [screams]
- That would be a "yes."

I really wish
I had my Power Ring right now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Were you not listening before?

I think someone needs a recap.

All you need to be super
is to reach deep within your...

[groans]

[gasps]

[tense music plays]

[caws]

- [grunts]
- Thank you, all of you.

Because it required
all of you to keep me safe.

That's how helpless I am
without my Power Ring.

Look! The mountain of cards.

We've made it at last.

The ring...
Beastie must haves the ring.

We can't let him
b*at us to my ring.

We will never catch him.

The little beast scurries
much too fast.

Got any tricks
up your sleeves, Zatanna?

Oh! Of course. I'm a magician.

[chanting]

[squawking]

That'll do.

To the top of that mountain!

- [exclaiming excitedly]
- Whoa!

[cawing]

Oh! There it is. My ring!

Careful! This mountain of cards
is very unstable.

My precious.

- Beast Boy, no.
- Beastie, yes.

[low growls]

[groans] Give me my Power Ring!

[grunts] Never!

- [both grunting]
- [tense music plays]

Be careful!

A house of cards
always eventually...

falls.

[rumbling]

[both screaming]

Precious... [sobs]

My ring! Where's my ring?

[gasps]

Beastie tries it on...

just one time.

[distorted] No!

[grunts]

[groaning]

[gibbering]

[growling]

The power of the Power Ring
is too powerful for him.

It's really messing
with his own superpowers.

[growls]

[grunts]

I think he's trying to use
the ring to create a w*apon.

What kind of w*apon
can he create with that thing?

Anything!

The only limit
is his own imagination.

[growls]

A tater tot. That's the
limit of his imagination?

Hmm. Pretty much.

- [thuds]
- It is very effective.

I will give him that.

[growls]

Run!

[thuds]

Azarath Metrion...

[screams]

This is all my fault.

And I can't even help

because I'm nothing
without my Power Ring.

Oh... Come on.

Have you not learned a thing?

Recap!

Every superhero... [groans]

[growls]

[device beeping]

[low growl]

"True power isn't found
in magic rings.

All you need to be super "is to
reach deep within your..." [groans]

Reach in deep.

[gasps] That gives me an idea.

[growls]

Raven! Summon a portal, so that I
can reach inside the magic hat

- from the outside.
- Got it.

[growls]

Gotcha!

- Wonder Woman, quick! Use your lasso.
- On it.

Pull harder!

[Wonder Woman grunting]

My precious!

The ring is secure.

- [all whooping, cheering]
- All right.

Is that you, Beastie?

- [gasps] I shall do the hugs and the squishies.
- [screeches]

See, Jess? A true hero
doesn't need powers after all.

You were right, Robin.

But having a Power Ring
certainly doesn't hurt.

I, Jessica Cruz,
of the Green Lantern Corps,

pledge to respect
the incredible power

of this super powerful
Power Ring.

And because it is so powerful, I
will always hold its power tight

and never let anyone take its
powerful powerfulness away!

Especially not Beast Boy.

I don't think
that'll be a problem anymore.

My precious.

[screeches]

[Cyborg] Man, I love chilling
in this Space House.

[sighs] It's so relaxing.

I, too, am feeling
the very relaxed.

Ah, there's nothing like
sitting around, watching TV

while floating through space.

It is certainly a relief

to not be burdened with unforeseen
negative circumstances.

- [S.H.A.D.I] Warning, warning!
- What is wrong, Space House?

A giant meteor
is headed this way.

[all gasp]

That is the wonderful news.

A giant meatyor sounds
the delicious.

No, Starfire, he said meteor,
not meat-yor.

- I do not understand the difference.
- Meteors aren't made out of meat.

It's hard to believe,
but Starfire is right.

This meteor is
totally made out of meat.

- [all gasp]
- [Starfire whooping]

We must do something about that
meteor before it destroys us.

I know exactly what to do.

First, we need to become
rugged oil drillers.

Then, we need to dress up
like astronauts

and walk real slow and dramatic,
like, towards our space shuttle.

After some emotional goodbyes,

we blast off into space,

and plant a b*mb
deep inside that meteor

and blow it to pieces.

- [expl*si*n]
- [all cheering]

Wait, isn't that just the plot
of that dumb asteroid movie?

You mean Armageddon?

The greatest, most implausible
movie of all time?

The Armageddon with
all the sappy Aerosmith songs

and starring America's favorite
apathetic action hero, Bruce Willis?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Yeah, didn't that dude die
at the end of that movie?

Yeah, but he got to ride
the b*mb like a horsey.

Ugh, that sounds like
a terrible idea, Cyborg.

The three of us shall come up with
a better plan using our heads.

But we've only got
one sh*t at this.

How can we be sure
your ideas are gonna work?

[S.H.A.D.I.] You can test them
out in the holographic chamber.

That is the brilliant idea,
Space House.

And I've got just the plan.

Does it involve slow-motion
walking and dramatic music?

No, no, no, no.
It's much more sophisticated.

I'm gonna fly over that meteor
and destroy it with my fists.

Ingenious!

[all cheering]

Take this! [grunts]

See, guys?
I knew my plan would work.

No, it didn't.

You just pounded that meteor
into a giant meat butt.

[all shrieking]

Well, then, what about this?

[shrieks] Now it is
the flame-broiled meat butt.

[grunting, blowing]

[shrieks] No, you have turned
it into the frozen meat butt.

Space House, end simulation.

I can't believe
that didn't work.

It's okay, Kara, because I know
how we can solve our problem.

No, Cyborg, we are not doing
your Armageddon plan.

- Oh, man! Can we at least rock out to some Aerosmith?
- Never!

Friends, what if instead of
destroying the meteor,

- we lived upon it instead?
- That's a great idea.

Then, perhaps,
we should test it out.

I don't know, Star.
This place looks pretty empty.

Do you really think
we can live out here?

Indeed. All this place needs is the
small amount of the elbow grease.

Check it out, guys. I built these
cozy little meat cottages.

And I have built
this relaxing meat gazebo.

I built this meat bowling alley.

And I have built the meat DMV,

which shall only be open
from the : to : ,

and closed on major holidays.

Tell me, Cyborg, is our new
home not the adorable?

I think it stinks.

Our new home does not the stink.

[inhales, grunts]

Yeah, it does. I think the
meat is starting to go bad.

Friends, I think our smelly situation
has attracted some visitors.

Oh, no! Are those...

[all] Meat bears?

- [bears growling]
- [all shrieking]

Space House,
cease this simulation.

[all shrieking]

Terrific. That plan
didn't work either.

It is obvious now that there is
only one person who can save us.

- Steve Trevor.
- What?

You're seriously gonna
take advice from that dude?

He doesn't know the first
thing about drilling for oil.

Correct. Steve Trevor
has a m*llitary background,

and is one of the most
brilliant men I know.

Plus, Diana has got
a huge crush on him.

Kara, please. We are dealing
with a major crisis here.

I do not have time for romance.

[Diana chuckles] Steven.

- [continues chuckling]
- [Kara strains, grunts]

Snap out of it, Diana.

You and Steve are supposed to
be coming up with a plan,

not going on some virtual date.

You are right, Kara. Steve and
I shall come up with a plan...

right after dessert.

- [Wagner's Bridal Chorus]
- [bear mumbling]

- [Starfire whooping]
- [Cyborg] Yeah! Awesome!

[Starfire whooping]

Congratulations. I am the
so very happy for you.

Me, too. I'm sorry. I just get
so emotional at weddings.

[Cyborg sobbing]

Now are you and Steve
gonna come up with a plan?

We're running out of time.

Yes, we shall come up
with a plan...

after we cut the cake.

Congratulations on purchasing
the new home.

Thank you, and we apologize
that it took so long.

Yeah, I was starting to think you would
never get out of virtual escrow.

Will you come up with
a plan already?

Yes, Kara, we shall get started
on it right away.

Space House, end simulation.

[S.H.A.D.I.] Warning, warning!
Meteor impact imminent.

Oh, no! We are almost
out of the time.

Then can we please move forward
with my idea?

I suppose we do not have
any other choice.

There is no time to run
another simulation.

Great! Let's do this.

[rock music playing]

[spits]

Argh! Why are we wasting
all this time drilling for oil?

Because we have to get good
at drilling,

so we can dig a hole
deep enough to

plant a b*mb inside that meteor

and blow it up like they did
in the movie.

Couldn't we just use our
superpowers to dig that hole?

No, silly. They didn't use
superpowers in that movie.

- Now get back to work.
- [Kara screams]

[Kara screams]

Nice work, team.
I think we're ready to launch.

It is a good thing
we decided to walk slowly.

Yeah. Slipping on a wet floor
is dangerous.

[shrieks]

Not to mention the embarrassing.

Cyborg, wait. I can't lets you
go without saying goodbye.

- I's gonna miss you.
- I'm gonna miss you too, Beasty.

You be careful up there,
big guy.

Don't worry. I'm only about to
fly through space

with a nuclear b*mb strapped to
forty tons of rocket fuel.

What could possibly go wrong?

[all screaming]

[Cyborg grunts]

- Diana, status report.
- T-minus five minutes until touchdown.

Then there's just enough time to do
the most important thing of all.

Ride this b*mb like a horsey.

Cyborg, get off that nuclear w*apon
before it blows us to smithereens.

It's fine.
They did it in the movie.

But you were supposed to be
piloting the ship.

Will you two calm down?

It's called empty space for a reason.

It's not like we're gonna hit anything.

[Cyborg shrieks]

What was that?

[Diana] We're drifted into
a patch of space debris

which has damaged
both of our engines.

Oh, man!

Somebody really should be
piloting this thing.

[all] Cyborg!

Not now. I need to make
an emergency landing. [grunts]

[all screaming]

[screaming continues]

We're alive. Damage report.

The good news is,
the b*mb is still intact.

But the bad news is, the remote
detonator has been destroyed.

Which means somebody is
going to have to stay behind

to trigger that w*apon.

- Not it.
- No, Kara.

I believe the honorable solution
is to draw straws.

That won't be necessary.

I'll be the somebody
that stays behind.

- Are you sure about that, Cyborg?
- Yes, I'm sure.

It was my dumb idea
that got us into this mess.

I realize now that I shouldn't
look to Hollywood for ideas.

I should just use my head.

[Beast Boy] No!
Not like this, bro.

I so upset!

I gots to listen to
some Aerosmith, yo.

[shrieks] Ouch.

[triumphant rock music playing]

Sing that song, Steven Tyler.

You's my only friend now.

[sobbing]

[sobbing continues]

We're sorry for the way
things turned out, Beast Boy.

But we have brought you back something
that will surely cheer you up.

- Whaddup, my man?
- Cyborg, you's alive!

But I thought somebody had to
stay behind to trigger that b*mb.

That's right,
and some body did stay behind.

Mine.

[Robin sighs]
You know what, g*ng?

I am so glad we all decided to
vacation at this Space House.

And who cares that we were invited
under "suspicious circumstances"?

This place is the best!

- [siren blaring]
- [S.H.A.D.I.] Attention. Attention

We will be arriving at our
destination in just a few moments.

No way!

I didn't realize our vacation
home was also a cruise ship.

This is so cool!

Can anybody guess
where we're headed?

The Emerald Forest of Oa.

The Fire Springs on Tamaran?

I hope we're headed to
that good space beach.

Wherever our destination may lie,
I am sure it will be enjoyable.

[all gasping]

[burping]

Ooh, check out all those houses.

And each one is filled with
heroes and villains.

[gasps]

I could have shared a house
with Batman?

Come on!

Space House, can you please
tell us what is going on?

Why don't you come outside
and I'll show you.

- [horn honking]
- Hello, Titans.

You've actually already met me
though my nifty AI unit, S.H.A.D.I.,

but now allow me to
officially introduce myself.

I am Brainiac.

The multi-verse's
most brilliant mastermind!

What's the meaning of this?

For years, I have been
collecting heroes and villains

from across the multi-verse

by offering them the one thing
they want most.

A free vacation!

And now that you are here, my
collection is finally complete.

I am ordering you to let us go.

Forget it. The all-powerful
Brainiac listens to no one!

Brainiac, you get over here
this instant, young man.

- Who's that?
- My mom.

So act cool.

What is it, Mother?

You forgot to clean
your room again.

I'm sorry, but I've been
really busy lately.

With what? You're just down there
playing with your little toys.

These people
aren't toys, Mother.

They're collectibles.

Did you at least remember to
put on some clean underwear?

- [Brainiac farts]
- You know, this is getting really awkward, Brainiac.

Maybe we should wait inside.
[chuckles]

Stop embarrassing me, Mother.

I'm an inter-galactic super-villain.

More like an
inter-galactic disappointment.

Look at you.
You're a full-grown Android

who still lives with his mother.

I told you I'm working on
moving out.

How? You got no money,
no job, and no girlfriend.

It's time for you to grow up.

I think it's time
we ended this conversation.

Wow, and I thought
I had family issues.

My mother just doesn't get it.

I've tried acting more grown up,

but being an adult
is really hard.

- Then maybe we can help you.
- I'm listening.

We'll teach you
how to act grown up.

In exchange,
you shall let us go.

Deal. I'll do anything
to get my mother off my back.

Okay, Brainiac, we're going to
help you find a new career.

And do you know what you need
to get a good job?

Academic credentials,
letters of recommendation,

- and a polished resume?
- Nah, son. A handshake.

Because a handshake is the key to
making a good first impression.

Now, when givin' a handshake,

make sure the webbing that
connects your thumb and forefinger

connects with the webbing
of the other person.

Don't you be giving nobody
no finger shake.

You gots to commit to
that handshake, son.

Also, make sure
your hand is dry.

Don't nobody want
that swamp hand.

Wipe that sweat off, boo.

And under no circumstances should
you ever give a weak handshake.

Nobody wants to feel like they're
shaking hands with a dead fish.

And remember,
wash your hands thoroughly

for at least seconds,

and then, after doing so, do not
touch your eyes, nose or mouth.

This is so confusing.

- I am not sure I can do this.
- Of course you can.

Just remember to look your
employer straight in the eye,

maintain a strong grip
and don't let go until they do.

Okay, I think I've got it now.

Great! Then why don't you
give it a try?

[shrieks] Let go, let go!

But shouldn't I wait for you to
let go first?

No. [wincing]

It's time you got yourself
a girlfriend, Brainiac.

But I don't know
the first thing about

the dating habits of women.

Oh, don't worry. We'll walk
you through the process

by setting you up on
a mock date with Kara.

Now, the first thing you wanna
do is compliment your date

- and, you know, give her a little gift.
- Got it.

My, my.
You're looking very adequate today.

This is for you.

It's the Bottle City of Kandor.

Just for fun,
I like to shake it up

and watch all the tiny people
freak out.

[screaming]

- That is horrible.
- You don't like it?

- [glass shatters]
- [tiny people screaming]

Then, perhaps, you'd like
a snapping space turtle.

- [turtle bellows]
- No, no, Brainiac, no.

Uh, just give her these.

Now get your date to talk about
her interests.

So, tell me about yourself.

- Well, I'm originally from Krypton...
- Uh-huh, uh-huh?

Boring. Can we just get to
the goodnight kiss?

Here you go.

- [turtle grunts]
- [muffled wincing]

Brainiac, if you wanna become an adult,

- you have to start dressing like one.
- What are you talking about?

Check out my slick pink
vinyl white collar shirt.

My totally fly Go-go boots.

And my hipper than hip
jet black short shorts.

How can you claim this is not
acceptable adult attire?

Um, well, how do I
put this politely?

You look like the mixture of
the nerd and the dweeb.

A nerweeb, if you will.

It's true.
I'm a complete disaster.

I can't shake hands,
I can't talk to the ladies,

and on top of all that,
I look like a total nerweeb.

I may as well face it.

I'm not cut out to be an adult.

[sobbing]

Oh, there, there, Brainiac,
we know change is hard.

But with a little more patience, we're
sure you'll get the hang of it.

[gasps]

Hello, Titans.
Check out my man Brainiac.

You're all grown up. [sobs]

Yup, thanks to you,
I've got a sweet combover,

a good job,
and a new girlfriend.

And because you held up
your part of the bargain,

it's time I held up mine.

- You're free to go.
- Wow, thanks, Brainiac.

Oh, you don't need to thank me.

Now that I'm an adult, I realized that
collecting superheroes is kid stuff,

which is why I've moved on to
a much more mature hobby.

Destroying planets.

[all gasp]

Think of all the innocent
worlds that will be lost.

You must reconsider.

You can't tell me what to do.
I'm an adult.

[laughing maniacally]

He makes a real good point.

Brainiac's mature enough to
make his own decisions now.

- But we have to do something.
- Like what, Mama?

We can't take out
that giant laser.

Yes, we can.
As long as we work together.

Wonder Woman is right.
With all our powers combined,

we turned that sniveling dweeb
into a full-grown adult.

And if we could do that,
we could do anything.

Cyborg, do you think you can
pilot the Space House?

I can fly anything.

- Ready, team?
- [all] Ready!

- Ready.
- Then it's time to blast off.

His throat is closing.
We're not gonna make it.

Aim for the uvula.

[gags]

Fire away!

This isn't working!

Our fire power isn't enough.

That may be true, but we are
no longer alone in this.

Look around.

She's right. Titans, and every
superhero and supervillain

in the DC multiverse, go!

Brainiac, look at
Mama's spaceship.

You are such a disappointment.

I'm sorry, Mommy.

Nice team work, everybody.

[Raven] But how are we gonna get
all these people back home?

It's simple. We don't.

This is where they live now.

That works for me.

Now let's go hit up
that space beach, yo.

[all cheering]

♪ We gonna blast right off
and kick it at the... ♪

♪ Space House! ♪