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Kids vs. Aliens (2022)

Posted: 01/06/23 16:27
by bunniefuu
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

How much longer till we go home?

Captain decides when we go home!

Can you go ask him?

Jesus Christ!

No one's gonna ask the captain what time they can go home!

Got it, kid?



Got to soak them again, Cap!

Gonna be a long one tonight, boys.

[ Energy resonates ]

Mother of Jesus.

-What the f*ck?
-Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

What the f*ck's that?

Get the f*ck down!


You boys all right?

What the f*ck was that?!

I don't know.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

What do you think it is?

I don't think it's a plane.

I don't think we should be here.

Boys, we're -- we're getting out of here.

[ Underwater bellowing ]

-MAN: Aaah!





-[ Water sloshes ]







Who's out there?!

[ Creature growling ]

[ Water splashes ]

[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]

GARY: There's Dinos d*ad ahead!

f*re the laser cannon!


[ Coughing ]

There's Dinos d*ad ahead.

-Let's teach them how to die.
-You'll die this time!

This Dino spine is mine!


Let's go berserk!


GARY: Your Dino treachery ends here!

No! No!

[ Grunting ]

Stop! Stop it!

Stop! Stop!

[ Electricity crackling ]

[ Grunting ]

-[ Electricity crackling ]
-[ Screaming ]

It's the Dino Sorcerer.

Prepare to die, you human fleshbags!

-Eat him alive!

[ Chain saw buzzing ]

Do a dropkick!


Ha ha!

Your space magic doesn't scare me.

Then clearly you don't understand the true power of the crystal.

Give me the crystal!


You should have stayed extinct.

DINO: Shit.

Gary, this is stupid.

GARY: What?
What are you talking about?

What's wrong?

This is so -- like...

I got to sh**t him in the head?
That's it?

Why does he get a sword
and I don't?

GARY: Well, first of all,
you have a g*n, stupid.

g*n are better than swords.

And, two, you're a girl.
You don't use swords.

Um, that's not true.
Girls totally use swords.

I kick ass with a sword.

Well, guess what.
One, I don't care.

Two, I'm the director, so that's
just how it's going to be.

And three, we need to get
the sh*t before it gets dark.

So come on.
Let's sh**t this thing.

Okay. Action!

You should have stayed extinct.

[ Bottle shatters ]

Holy shit.
Are you okay?

What the f*ck?

Who threw a beer bottle
at me?!

BILLY: I did.

You little piss trap.

This would be a great place
to party.

Oh, f*cking teenagers.

I always thought
this place was abandoned.

-It's Billy McDougal! Run!
-Holy shit.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Guys, guys!

Are you f*cking serious?
You ruined the f*cking movie!

Get out of our clubhouse,
and stop smoking in here.

This place is a f*cking dump.

I'm gonna put this clown
to sleep.

No, Miles, don't.

Yeah, kick his ass!

Yeah, smile when I knock
your f*cking mouth out.

GARY: Get him!

BILLY: Hey, whoa, whoa.

Stop it!

-MILES: f*ck off!
-SAM: Leave him alone.

MILES: [ Grunting ]

I'm serious.

Knock it off.

f*ck off, man.

I said knock it off!

f*ck, man.

MILES: Get the f*ck off me!

Hey, please use
your brain next time.

-You good, man?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, haven't I seen you
at school before?

Oh, come on.

You have.


Pretty girl like you.
How could I not?

Why the f*ck are you hanging out
with these losers anyway?

Um, well, he's my brother,

those are his friends,
and they're not losers.


TRISH: Um [Chuckles]

Why don't you have friends
your own age?

I do.
I'm just babysitting them.

[ Scoffs ]

You wanted to be
in our movie, didn't you?

-[ Whispering ] Stop it.
-Why are you telling me to stop?

-You got a boyfriend, Sam?


You f*cking anybody?

[ Scoffs ]



[ Laughs ]

She's not your type, Billy.
She's still a kid.

Look at how she dresses.

Sam's way cooler than you,
you troglodytes.

What's a troglodyte?

Oh, it's like a --
like a caveman.

It's calling them, like,
underdeveloped, stupid.

-That's you guys.
-Why the f*ck are we still here?

This shit is lame.
Let's dip.

Yeah, run away.

I hope to see you around,

They're lucky I didn't leave
them in a pile of blood.

Yeah, those guys
are assholes.

they weren't very nice.

GARY: Come on, Jack.
Say something meaner.

They were dumb.

BROADCASTER: Divers are still
searching for three fishermen

whose boat was found adrift
earlier this week.

Many people reported
seeing a fiery object

fall from the sky
that same evening.

It is unknown
if the two events are related,

but police are asking for
any witnesses to come forward.

In other news, Halloween
is only two days away.

Do you know what costume
you'll be wearing?

Coming up,
we've got some great ideas.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

[ Knock on door ]

GARY: Sam, why do you always
lock your door?

Sam, I know you're in there.

Are you coming out to wrestle
or not?

Not right now.

Come on. Why not?

We need you.

Because I don't
feel like it.

Come on.

We need you
for this movie.

I thought you were gonna be
my tag-team partner.

Come on.

Why not?

Gary, I have homework.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

[ Playing mid-tempo music ]

Just sh**t it without me.

And don't do anything
that'll get me in trouble.

Be like that!

♪ You wanted me,
and I didn't see it ♪

♪ Now I'm so lost without you ♪

Get off me, dummy!

GARY: Nice.

Where's Sam?

Uh, she needed
to do homework.

What the f*ck?

Why would she want a main role
in the movie

if she's not gonna be in it?

Yeah, I know.
I thought the exact same thing.

It's kind of weird.
She's never ditched us before.

Jack, here are the glow sticks
you wanted.

Sweet. Thanks.

What are you even doing?

I already told you.

I'm working on the grand finale
for the movie,

and it's going to be glorious.


Yeah, just, um, don't blow
anything up, please.

No promises.


So she totally ditched us
for homework.

Well, guess what.

Sucks to be her
because she won't get to film

the best movie ever.

Let's film this f*cking thing.

It's pandemonium here
as one half of the Berserkers

faces off against
the treacherous Dino Sorcerer.

A match that's been
65 million years in the making.

-Now let's rumble!
-[ Bell dings ]

My kind was frozen in the dirt

until the souls of your
ancestors brought us back!

I can't believe it!

The Dino Sorcerer has brought
the Berserker to his knees.

[ Roars ]

[ Grunting ]

Holy smokes, folks!

We're watching history
rewrite itself.

Just because my tag-team partner
isn't willing to help me

because they have homework,

that doesn't mean
that I'm not ready

to fight anything and anyone
in this sh*thole universe

to protect my Planet Earth.

[ Roars ]

The Dino Sorcerer is hurt.

The fate of the planet
comes down to this very moment.

I'm unstoppable!

Oh, f*ck!

[ Groaning ]

My arm!
I broke it!

Go get my sister!
Go, go!

Jack, go!

Don't be a wuss, man.

You don't be a f*cking dumbass!
Get off my arm!

-[ Shrieking ]
-It's not my fault!

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!
Mom and Dad are gonna piss!

I just broke my arm.

Can you stop yelling at me
for f*cking second?

I didn't want to bike

to the f*cking hospital today,
you moron!

GARY: Too f*cking bad!
I broke my arm!

Sam, this looks so cool!

It's like glow-in-the-dark
and everything.

Why do you look like that?

Like what?

Like that.
It looks stupid.

Gary, you fell off a ladder.

At least I was doing something
for the movie.

You really picked
an inconvenient time

to break your arm, honey.

It's not like I planned it.

Well, maybe next time
you should.

Your father and I
have a flight tonight.

But you just got back.

We'll only be gone
a couple of days.

And you got your big sister
to take care of you.

No way.

No, I was gonna go out
for Halloween.

Oh, honey, you look...

-Yeah. See?
-No, I don't.

-You look different.
-I literally don't.

-Yes, you do.
-DAD: I know it's important.

I'm just dealing
with some family shit.

MOM: I'm sure you'll have
a nice Halloween together.

DAD: They're there now.
Okay. Yeah.

We're on our way.

Hey, bud, we have to head off
to the airport, okay?

You're good to get home
with Sam, right?

I mean,
yeah, sure, I can bike.

Great. By Gary.
We love you.


What did I do?

You're in trouble!

-[ Metal clangs ]

This isn't fair.

Look, we put our trust in you
to be the responsible one.

You bought him the ring.

You were supposed to be
in charge.

I thought that meant
something to you.

No phone,
no friends over.

Is Gary allowed to have friends
over there?

Gary's punishment
is having a broken arm.

-Are you serious right now?
-We've got to go.

No, no, no. I will not be stuck
at home with Gary.

-You've got the cats.
-We don't have any cats.

If you ever want one,
I will buy you one.

Just keep an eye
on your brother, okay?

If we die, he's all you've got.
See you when we get back.

[ Sighing ]

TRISH: What the f*ck
are we doing for Halloween?

I don't know.
I haven't heard shit.

I just want to get f*cked up
and do some f*cked-up shit.

Billy, what are we doing?


I'm working on something.

[ Mockingly ] Working on

-[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
-[ Police radio chatter ]

Going for another pass.

Situation 14-9 confirmed.

We have the location
and remains of the fishermen.

Do we have eyes on the target?


Orders are
to immediately detain

the suspect who was reported,

and the site is to be sealed
and cleared.


GARY: All right.


Your Dino treachery
ends here.

DINO: Surrender your
earthly flesh!

You'll never take my skin!

And now dropkick him!

I-I can't do that.

GARY: Uh, just try it.
Come on.

But Sam's
the dropkick expert.

Eh, forget Sam.
We need more dropkicks.

-Come on, do it!
-Come on, kick me!

-GARY: Yeah, screw Sam!
-All right. You're the boss.

I told you.

Uh, just do the line!

Give me the crystal!

Yeah, now scream it
this time!

-Give me the crystal!

What the f*ck?!


-You guys okay?

What are you doing here?!

I'm here to see your sister.

-What the hell?!

Guys, you know
what this means?

He's gonna make you
an uncle.



This means w*r.



Hi. I didn't know
you were coming over.

Yeah, you said
your parents were gone,

so I thought it'd be cool
to come over.

Nice place.

This place
is f*cking perfect.

This is my house.


Parents must be rich.

[ Chuckles ]
They should be.

I mean,
they work all the time, so...


So you gonna show me around,
or what?


Is this your room?

Yes, but, oh, my gosh,
close your eyes.

-It's a disaster.
-No, it's not.


This is cool.



Got a lot of neat stuff.

-What is this?
-Oh, my God, no.

It's just something
I was, like, working on.

I thought maybe I'd, like, wear
it for Halloween or something.


I think it'd look
very cute on you.

Who is she?

That is Valora.

She's my favorite wrestler.

She's cool.

She stands for, like,
strength and bravery

and never surrendering
to your enemies.

Always kicking ass.


I used to be into wrestling
when I was kid.

Think you could take me?


No problem.

All right, go easy on me.


You like my moves?

All right, yeah.

Can I show you mine?

Do you really think
I'm pretty?

I think you're beautiful.

They're in here.


You guys ready to make these
guys wish they were never born?

What do you think
they're doing?

Sucking and f*cking,
for sure.

Well, suck over.

Holy shit.

I know.

-[ Electronic music blares ]
-[ Indistinct shouting ]

This is for the beer bottle,
you creep!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Aah! f*ck!

SAM: Get out!

MILES: You assh*le!

f*ck you up!

You are f*cking d*ad!


You missed me,
you little f*ck!

Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, Sam.

-[ Energy resonates ]
-[ Music stops ]

[ All groan ]

What the hell?

What was that?

-Quit breathing on me.
-Shut the f*ck up!

Gary, what the f*ck
did you do?

That wasn't me.

Gary, I am so sick
of being responsible

for all the stupid shit
that you do.

Grow up,
stop being such a loser,

and stay out of
my f*cking life.

-And get of my room!
-Get your hands off!

[ Boys groaning ]

f*ck you, Sam!

I don't want to be
in your shit life anyway!

Stay out of mine!

No, Billy, what are you --

-Get the f*ck out of here

before I rip
your f*cking shrimp dicks off!

Well, guess what.

If you even touch our shrimp
dicks, you'll go to jail!

f*cking pervert!

Screw you, Billy.


[ Both laugh ]

Man, Sam's changed.

JACK: Hey, guys, what do
you think that light was?

-It really freaked me out.
-I don't know.

It sounded like a -- whaa! --
or something like that.

I don't know.

Hey, Gary, you all right?

I f*cking hate that guy.
He ruins everything.

f*cking hate that guy too.

Right? He ruins everything.
He's annoying.

Hey, guys, look.

[ Energy resonating ]

GARY: That must be where
it's coming from.

Wait, guys,
we don't know what that is.

Don't be a chickenshit.
Come on.

GARY: Whoa!
Look at that.

MILES: Looks like something
out of a movie or something.

-GARY: Yeah.
-JACK: Hey, don't go near it.

-GARY: Why?
-MILES: Yeah, why?

JACK: Well, what if that light
and sound was a ship exploding,

and this is poisonous gas
from whatever blew it up?

Like napalm gas?

Yeah. Or something from space,
like aliens or something.

You're just being paranoid.

Why'd it turn off?

Guys, we're gonna tell Sam
about this, right?

f*ck Sam.

Yeah. I'd rather go
punch myself in the d*ck.

Anyone else hungry?
Let's go chew something.


There's something weird
going on around here.

Hey, guys, wait up.

[ Creature snarling ]

[ Grunts softly ]


We need the crystal.


Something's got me!



Billy and his prick friends
are hanging out with Sam

in my backyard.

Let's go spy on them.

-f*ck yeah! Let's go!

Haven't seen your brother
and those little creeps around.


It's kind of nice.

Yeah, that little shit must have
finally learned his lesson.

Are we partying tonight,
or what?

I don't know yet.

Great. Another boring Halloween
in this sh*thole town.

Yeah, well,
whatever you're doing

is better
than what I have to do.

I have to take care
of my little brother.


No, thanks.

Well, shit.
We got to do something.

We should have a party.

Yeah, you guys
should totally do that.

We should party
in that old shitty barn.

BILLY: No, the place is filled
with little kids' shit.

We should have it here.


Well, yeah.
That way, you can go.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah, right,
that's not happening.

Why not?
I'm sure you have a costume.

Yeah, she does.
And it is very f*cking cute.

How about that?

Why not?

Um, because my parents
will k*ll me.

f*ck parents, man.
Who cares what they think?

You should just
do what you want.

Hold on.

What if
we just call your parents

and ask them
if we can have the party here?

Problem solved.

Think about
what you just said.

Sounds good, man.

TRISH: [ Laughing ]

f*ck you, Billy!
f*cking freezing out here!

Holy f*ck!

It's just water, you p*ssy.

f*ck you guys!

You're f*cking drenched, bud.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, we'll keep it small,
and your parents won't find out.

I promise.


-I don't know.
-Come on.

I want to show you off
to everyone at school.

I want them to meet
my new girlfriend.


And my parents won't find out?

I swear on your life.



Let's have a party.

We're having a party.

[ Laughter ]

Party! Whoo!

[ Laughing ]

Ha ha!

All right, boys.

Tonight we inflict
maximum vengeance.

MILES: Come on.

GARY: Miles!


[ Electronic music blaring ]

Happy f*cking Halloween!

[ People cheering ]

GIRL: Sam?

Hey! What are you doing here?
I never see you at parties.

No, my party.
This is my house.

Have you seen, Billy?

This is your house?
Holy shit!

Yeah, my parents
would k*ll me.

I mean, sometimes you just have
to, like, do what you want.

-You know?
-Yeah, totally.

Wouldn't be letting people paint
on my walls, though, you know?


Excuse me.


what the hell are you doing?

What? Billy said you were
cool with it.

Would you do this
to your parents' house?

Billy, what the f*ck?
People can't smoke in here.

What's wrong?

Billy, this is seriously crazy.

You said this was gonna be
a small party.

This is out of control. You have
to help me do something.

Look, Sam, people are having
a good time.

That's what's important.

But the house
is getting destroyed.

Your parents are very rich.

They can just fix it all.

Billy, help me.

My parents
are gonna m*rder me.

[ Retching ]


-Party's over.
-Come on, just let it go.

-What do you mean, let it go?
-Just chill the f*ck out.

You can't make
all these people leave now.

-It's my house.
-Yeah, well, it's my party.

Billy, is that your girlfriend
or something?

No, man. She's just
the keys to the house.

Okay, people, party's over.
Safe drive.

Actually, don't drive, please.

-Get out.

What the f*ck are you doing?

Billy, stop.
You're hurting me.

You said
we could have a party,

and that's what we're gonna
f*cking do.

Do you understand me?

You scaring me.


Party's back on.

Let's tear this place apart!

Go f*cking break something.

They're gonna regret
trashing my house.

f*cking teenagers.

What is that costume even
supposed to be?

Bro, what's up
with your house?

It's being destroyed.

We know you didn't get any
candy, so we got you covered.

Okay, what's the mission status,

Just hooked up the drone, and
I'm locking down on the enemy.

What do you think
he's going to do?

Something stupid.

How do you know?

Because it's Billy.
He's bound to do something

What a stupid idiot.

Get the f*ck out of my way.

Get the f*ck out of my way.
Nice costume, b*tch.

Get the f*ck out.
I need to piss.

Come on, my d*ck's full!

TRISH: Hey, Billy.

There's a better bathroom
in here.

God is good.

Holy shit.
Is that Sam's room?

I can't hear
what they're saying.

Be quiet and you listen.

Take it out, Billy.

Trish, I got to piss.

Then do it.

If you'll let me hold it.

You are so f*cking weird,

Is that suck time?

That's not suck time.

Boys, we just h*t
the mother lode.

TRISH: [ Laughing ]

Sorry, Jack, you shouldn't
be seeing this.

f*ck my life.

JACK: Listen up, all you
scumbags and scumballs.

Now, pay attention to the TV.

h*t 'em, Gary.

When I was a kid,
I thought I had

the coolest sister
in the world.

God, Gary,
what are you doing?

But I was wrong.

I mean, what happened
to you, Samantha?

You could have been tough.

You could have kicked ass
in the ring,

and you could have been
a legend.

But then you walked away.

You abandoned the ring...

Let's go!
You get that shit, Gary?!


...the fans, Jack, Miles.

You abandoned me

and all the respect you earned

for someone
who treats you like shit.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, my God, Trish,
Sam is such a f*cking idiot.

We throw the best party
of the f*cking year,

and then she tries
to kick everybody out.

She's such a f*cking moron,

What did you expect?
She's not cool.

She hangs out
with little boys.

Yo, Billy.

Can't you see
I'm doing someone -- something?

Sam's little brother's
on TV talking shit

about you out there.

Come on, let's go.

Get the f*ck up.
Get your clothes on. Let's go.

BILLY: Look, she f*cking plays
with action figures

and is into wrestling.

It was so f*cking hard
not to laugh

in her f*cking face
when I found out.

Oh, my God.

Did you see
her costume tonight?

She looks like
a f*cking child.

[ Laughter ]

Take it out, Billy.

Trish, I got to piss.

Then do it.

If you'll let me hold it.

BILLY: You are so f*cking weird,

[ Laughs ]

-BILLY: Get it everywhere.
-TRISH: I know! [ Laughs ]

Oh, my God.

GARY: That's the respect
you deserve

when you betray
your teammates.

Your boyfriend's pissing
all over your room.

This dumb little f*ck
is still in this house.

You're the one with no life,

and you're the one
who's a gutless loser!

Just like you
and your stupid new friends!

You good?

That was a bit harsh
at the end there.

I really deserved it.

So, yeah, f*ck you,
Billy and Daryl --

-Billy's here!
-JACK: Let go of him!

GARY: Get your pissy hands
off me!

Get off of me!

BILLY: Move!

[ Laughs ]

GARY: What is this?
Ritual m*rder?

MILES: Looks like
a circle jerk to me.

BILLY: No, I'm not gonna
m*rder you, kid.

Just gonna break
all the other bones

in your shitty little body.

Sam, help us.

Yeah, Sam.
Have a heart.

We're so sorry.

You boys like to wrestle,

-[ Cracking ]
-Ow, my arm!

Let him go!

Don't worry. It's not real.
It's just wrestling.

Let go of us!

Sam, he's gonna break my f*cking
arm. Help me out here!

You liked my moves,
didn't you, Sam?

You f*cking assh*le.

Hey, who wants to see Dallas
break this kid's f*cking arm?

-CROWD: Yeah!
-No, no!

No, you don't.

Are you joking, man?

Come on!

No, man,
I'm not f*cking doing that.

[ Chanting ] Dallas!
Dallas! Dallas!

Stop! Stop! No.

-[ Chanting ] Dallas! Dallas!

I'm not f*cking doing that.

-You f*cking coward!

I'll do it myself!

No, Billy, wait!

[ Energy resonates ]

Is that a-a f*cking...

[ Energy resonates ]

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Why are you acting like a bunch
of scared little kids?

It's just one of their stupid
f*cking pranks!

No reason
to break up the party.

[ Creature growling ]


It's aliens!

[ Growling ]

Let's go!

[ Indistinct shouting
and screaming ]

Where's Sam?!



[ Screams ]

[ Growling ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Creature snarls ]

f*cking arms off me,
you alien f*ck!


Sam, help!


Get off!

[ Indistinct shouting ]



Please stop!


-[ Creature growling ]
-[ Screaming ]

Please go away!

[ Indistinct shouting ]


[ Dramatic music plays ]




Hey, do you know where
they took my brother?

Please, help me.
Please, we have to do something.

[ Retching ]

They took them to the water.

God damn it.

I'm coming for you guys.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Grunting ]



[ Creature growling ]



[ Creature growling ]

[ Creature growling ]



[ Gasps ]

[ Creatures growling ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Blade sings ]

TRISH: Help me!

Billy, please, help me!

[ Screaming ]

[ Creatures growling ]

Billy, help me!

Help, Billy!

Billy, please, help me!

[ Screaming ]

Please, Billy, help me!

-What do you want me to do?!
-I'm scared!

Just get a f*cking grip, man!
You got to f*cking do something!

Get the f*ck off
and stop f*cking talking!

I don't want to die!

[ Screaming and crying ]

[ Creatures roaring ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Muffled screaming ]


-[ Roars ]
-No, no!

What the f*ck are you doing?!
f*ck you!

I f*cking always had your back!
Son of a b*tch!

What the f*ck?!

Get the f*ck off of me!
Where are you taking me?!

Come on, this is our chance!

-Not happening!
-Get off him!

[ Creature roaring ]


MILES: Gary!

Your hands taste like shit!

Guys, guys, guys!

BILLY: Bye, loser!
Can't wait to watch you die!

Guys, guys, guys!

Guys, help!

I'm not ready to die yet!

Please, help!

[ Roars ]


No! What the f*ck?!
What is this shit?!

Billy, you f*cking piece
of shit!

Where the f*ck am I?
What are you gonna do to me?

Who the f*ck are you?

What do you want from me?

Just let me go.

Somebody help me!

Holy shit!
You're sick, man!

Listen, my dad's a doctor, okay?
I'll take you to him.

He can help you.
All right? Just let me go.

Don't put that shit on me.

f*ck off. No.
Get that shit away.

No! No!



Get it off me!

[ Groans ]

[ Cracking ]

[ Roars ]

GARY: Guys, I can't move.

You've got garbage breath!

Watch your friend die.
Watch your f*cking friend die.


Billy, let go of them,
you f*cking assh*le!

-BILLY: Say it!
-MILES: I'm so sorry!

BILLY: Say it!
Say you're sorry!

No, stop!

Shh. Shh.

[ Growls ]

Sam, hurry!

-Holy shit!

Get the f*ck off me!

-[ Roars ]
-Sam, look out!

f*ck yeah!

You f*cking m*rder
them all.

Where did you get
the crazy sword?

I stole it off a d*ad body.

Whoa. Sick.

Where's Billy?


I can't see a f*cking thing.

f*ck do I get out of here?

[ Growling ]



Holy f*ck, buddy,
is that you?


What the f*ck
did they do to you?

-[ Roars ]

-[ Roars ]

[ Creatures growling ]

Holy shit!

Go that way!

That way!

[ Dramatic music playing ]

Hey, no, that's my gear!

See you, f*ck.

I hope a shark bites out your
f*cking throat, you coward!

[ Creatures growling ]

Guys, we need to go.

Take this. Swim as fast
as you can. Don't turn back.

Guys, I don't think
I can do this.

It doesn't matter.
We have to.

[ Roars ]

Where's Jack?!

I don't know.
Where's Sam?

Where are you guys?

[ Creature growls ]

[ Muffled screaming ]




Get to the dock.

MILES: Okay.

Come on, Gary!
Come on.

Oh, my God.

Come on, I have to go back!

We can't. Those f*cking aliens
will get us.

But she went out there
to save us.

Listen, if we go back,
we're screwed.

But it's my fault
that they're d*ad anyways!

I was such a d*ck!

Listen, man,
we were just kids being kids.

We're allowed to be
pieces of shit sometimes.

My parents were never there
for me, but Sam always was.

And now my best friend and my
only sister are f*cking d*ad!

We have to go back.

I'm coming with you.

All right.

Count of three.
Three, two...

I got him!

Sam, you're okay!

MILES: Jack!

We got to f*cking go!
They're coming!

He's not breathing!


GARY: Sam.
Sam, he's not breathing.

I know that, Gary.
I know that.

-GARY: Come on.
-MILES: Oh, my God.

Is he d*ad?

-f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
-GARY: Come on.

Jack, please.
Wake up.

Wake the f*ck up, man!

Come on, Jack.

Jack, okay, don't die on us.

[ Creatures growling ]

GARY: Jack, they're coming!
Here they come!

Come on.

GARY: Come on,
they're here!

f*ck, don't stop!

Come on, f*ck!
Wake up, Jack!

f*cking breathe!

f*cking breathe!

Come on, Jack!

[ Coughing ]

Jack, you're alive!

-Jack, you're alive.
-I'm alive?

-Go! Run!
-Oh, f*ck! Go!

-Run, run!

Come on, we got to go!

Come on, open the door!

It's not opening!
It's locked!

Sam, why is the door locked?

f*cking right, it's locked.
Everything is locked.

None of you f*ck
are getting in.

Open the f*cking door!
It's our house!

It's mine now.

Billy, why are you
doing this to us?

Because you guys are a bunch
of f*cking losers,

and no one's gonna give a f*ck
if you guys disappear.

f*ck you, Billy!

You're a piece
of f*cking garbage,

and you're the one who has
the shrimp d*ck!

[ Dallas roaring ]


You guys remember Dallas.

Ooh, he's looking
pretty sharp.

[ Snarling ]

-[ Roars ]



f*ck off, Dallas!

[ Roaring ]

[ Panting ]

SAM: Come on!
Get to the woods!

Come on!

-Right behind you!

[ Energy resonates ]

f*ck! f*ck.


-[ Roars ]

[ Screaming ]

f*ck! f*ck!

What the f*ck?!
My f*cking car!

What the f*ck?!

[ Roaring ]

You always were
such a f*cking idiot!

[ Roaring ]


[ Roars ]

They're following us!

Don't let them catch you!
Bike faster!

I don't think
we can outbike this.

Follow me!

[ Creatures growling ]

Follow me!

[ All panting ]

Get down, get down.

[ Panting ]

Guys, stay quiet.

[ Growling continues ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

[ Growling fades ]

Where'd they go?

I don't know.

Did they finally leave?

I hope so.

You guys okay?

I've never been this cold
in my life.

Whoa, whoa.
Miles, deep breaths, okay?

We're gonna be all right.

I think the aliens
were using human skin

to fuel their spaceship.

I don't want my body
to be alien fuel.

I'm never gonna see
my mom again, am I?

We're gonna get through this
together. All right, buddy?

Uh, Sam...

I'm sorry for being such a piece
of shit to you all this time.

You were always there for me,

even when
our own parents weren't.

And I just didn't
want you to leave.

Hey, Gary.

I'm your sister.

I'm not going anywhere.

-I love you, okay?
-I love you too.


So, what do we do now?

I mean, someone must have seen
what just happened here.

Just stay put
and wait for help.

-[ Energy resonates ]
-[ All screaming ]

-[ Creatures growling ]
-GARY: Go!

Go! Run!

Run to the barn!

-[ Blade plunges ]
-[ Roars ]

What do you want?!

Stay the f*ck away from us!

[ Energy resonates ]

You want to dance?

Let's go!

[ Shrieking ]


Enjoy the view.

GARY: Sam!
Sam, come on!

[ All panting ]

Close the door.

-Did we lose them?
-I f*cking hope so.

Okay, let's just
find a place to hide.

Let's go.

Hey, let go of her!

Get the f*ck
out of my hiding spot.

What's your problem, Billy?
Let her go.

Yeah, let her go.

GARY: Billy, get your hands
off my sister.

She saved all of our lives,
including yours.

She saved me?


I saved her.

Gave her a chance
to be popular.

Treated her like a queen,
and what did she do?

She threw the worst party ever,
and now we're all going to die!

Billy, I swear to f*cking God,
let her go!

Billy, don't.

Shut up!

This is
your last f*cking chance.

Let her go now!

Be quiet.

He'll hear you.


So your best friend
is still trying to k*ll you?


How about this?

You let her go right now,
maybe I won't scream so loud

that Dallas will be here
in a couple seconds!

-Shut your mouth!

You shut
your shitty-ass mouth!

Yeah, I'm tired of hearing
and smelling shit

coming out of your face hole!


-You heard me!

Fine, fine, fine.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'll just k*ll
your f*cking sister!

You're a psycho, Billy!

Night-night, Billy.


Die, Billy!

Suck crystal!

-MILES: Go, Jack!
-GARY: f*ck you!

Let's feed him to Dallas!

[ Coughing ]


-[ Grunts ]
-[ Blade plunges ]


Oh, f*ck.


You f*cking monster!



Billy, what did you do?

It's not my fault, Sam.
You made me do this.

I didn't make you do this.

I didn't make you do anything!
You did this!

I said shut the f*ck up
or he'll hear you!

[ Energy resonates ]

[ Growling ]

[ Growling ] Billy.


Oh, shit, it's Dallas.

[ Roaring ] Billy!

Let's go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

-Come on!
-No, where the f*ck you going?

Slow the f*ck down!

The attic.
Let's go.

-I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you!

f*ck you,
you f*cking maniac.

[ Coughs ]


Broke my f*cking nose.

[ Roars ]

[ Creatures growling ]

Holy shit!

Go, go, go!

Gary, they're coming!

GARY: Why won't these f*cking
aliens leave us alone?!

[ Gasps ]


Look, I f*cked up.

I was scared.

I know you're still
in there, bro.

I know you're still my buddy.

So f*cking fight it, man.
f*cking fight it!

-[ Roars ]

[ Snarling ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

Hurry the f*ck up!

What the f*ck?
Oh, my God.

Oh, Jack.

[ Roaring ]

Oh, my God!

Gary, look out!

Hey, Dallas.

[ Screams ]

Come on, I never did anything
to you.

Please, I'm sorry!


-[ Blade slices ]
-[ Roars ]

Holy shit!

Sam, be careful!
Watch out!

Oh, f*ck.


Sam, do the dropkick!

Sorry, Dallas.



[ Grunting ]

Don't let go, Gary!

I'm holding on!

Hold on, Gary!

I'm slipping!
I'm slipping!

No, you're f*cking not!
Hold on to my hand!


No, Gary!

Gary, hold on!
Hold on!

Sam, help!



Somebody help us!

Please, help!

Help us!

Holy shit!

What are we gonna do?

[ Weakly ] Grand finale.


The grand finale.

Send those aliens to hell,
and tell them Jack sent them.

You're a f*cking genius, buddy.
Don't die on me!

[ Music continues ]

[ Engine starts ]

f*ck space.

Holy shit!



Help us!


Grand finale.

Holy shit!

You did it, Jack.

Sam, catch!

I told you I kick ass
with a sword.



-Jack, are you okay?
-Is he all right?

MILES: Barely.

SAM: Hey, Jack.
Hey, buddy.

Hey, Jack.

Jack, hey.

What happened?

Where am I?

There was just
a little accident.

But you're in our clubhouse.
You're gonna be fine.

We're gonna get you some help,

What happened to the aliens?

Blew them up.

It was f*cking awesome.

Come on.
Help me get him up.

Come on, Jack.
Stay with us, Jack.

-Stop, stop.

Hey, Jack, what is it?

Will you protect the crystal?

With my life, buddy.

You're the coolest.

Jack, Jack.

Wake up.
Come on!

Stay with us, Jack.
Come on.

Jack. Jack, Jack!

MILES: Come on, Jack.
Stay with us.

Jack, come on.

Come on, Jack.
Come on.


Come on, Jack.

Come on!
Come on, Jack.

[ Creatures growling ]

Shit, shit, shit!

Shit, why now?!

Give us
a f*cking break already!

[ g*n cocking ]

[ g*n ]

We got kids.
Bag them.

They're f*cking here.

Our friend is dying.
You got to help us.

Please help --

[ Screaming ]

Sam, no!

Get it off me!

[ Ominous music plays ]

Take it away.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Electronic music blaring ]

[ Music fades ]

[ Door rattles ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Growls ]

DAD: Oh, my God.
Family portrait is ruined.

I mean, what happened here?

MOM: Did they have
a party here?

You got to be kidding me.

They turned our house
into a sh*thole?

MOM: Sam, how could you
let this happen?

DAD: This is gonna cost
a fortune to fix!

Where's Gary?

-DAD: I'm so...
-[ Knocking on door ]

-MOM: Samantha!
-DAD: ...angry!

I don't even know where --

I can't believe
we trusted them!

You're the one who wanted
to have them! Ohh!

-Is that thing on?
-You've got to be kidding me!

I mean, our place is f*cked!

Gary, if this has
something to do with your movie,

I'm gonna ground you
and your sister

for the rest of your lives.

These damn kids don't deserve
parents like us.

-[ Growling ]
-[ Screaming ]

DAD: What's happening?!

[ Roaring ]