04x03 - Once Removed

[bunniefuu]

KNOCK ON DOOR

Yes? Hello.

Looking for a Mrs Falsham.

Yes, that's me. What do you want?

Handle Me Gently. Sorry?

The removals company -
Handle Me Gently. I'm Spike.

We spoke on the phone?

That's right, yes. Yes, right.

So through here, is it?

Yes, but we're not quite...

No, no, this way.

You're a bit of a mouthful,
aren't you?

The name, I mean, of your company.
Oh, yes. It's my boss's idea.

He wanted to call us Van Man Style

but I managed to talk him
out of that.

SHE GIGGLES Funny.

Well...

..these are all the things
I want to be moved, all of this,

and, well, everything, really
because that's what happens

when you move, isn't it?
That's the idea.

Some people do leave a little
something for the people

that are moving in.

You got a buyer yet? Not yet.

Some people leave a bottle
of champagne, you know.

Lawn mower.

I know a couple that found a
cardboard box on the kitchen table.

Inside the box was a paint pot.

Inside the paint pot
was a human turd.

So, you know, people are funny,
aren't they?

What do we have here?
This is breakables, is it?

Yes, that's right. All...

..broken.

OK, I'm going
to have to make a note of this.

Of course.

SHE WEEPS QUIETLY

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.

No, it's all right, I'm just...

It's all been a bit trying.

It's one of the most stressful
things, isn't it? Moving house.

People often say that but, according
to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale,

the top three are - death of a
spouse, divorce and imprisonment.

Moving home's only number 32.
Oh, well, that's something.

And erectile dysfunction
isn't even on the list.

So I don't know what her problem is.

I'm just getting it out there,
you know, talking about it.

It's no biggie.

Evidently not.

So, lived here long, have you?
In this house? Yeah, yonks.

Yonks and yonks.

How long is a yonk? Often wondered.
Yeah, that's a good question.

I don't know actually.

Oh, here's my husband, he might
know. Darling, how long is a yonk?

A what? A yonk.

Sorry, this is Spike from
Squeeze Me Tightly.

Handle Me Gently. All right.

He was wondering how long a yonk is?

Er, it's short for donkey's years,
isn't it?

Yeah, that would make sense.

Are you all ready to move house,
darling?

Well, the cakes are still in the oven

so if Spike could come back
another time.

Yes, we're making cakes
for whoever moves in. Aren't we?

We decided against pooing
in a paint pot.

What? I'll show you out.

Mrs Falsham, I don't think you
understand.

We work on allocations only.

If I don't fill your slot today,

it might be weeks
before I can get up again.

Of course. Spike has erectile
dysfunction. Really?

I'm sorry,
is there a problem here? No!

We're just a normal family
moving house.

What's going on? Oh, it's all right,
Dad, go back to bed.