01x05 - "Umaya kaji" no kai

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Tiger & Dragon". Aired: April 15-June 24, 2005.*
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Revolves around Rakugo, a traditional Japanese comedy that can look back on a 400 year long history.
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01x05 - "Umaya kaji" no kai

Post by bunniefuu »

Whaddya lookin at?!

I am Megumi, your guide for today.

I will now give you a tour of the wonderful world of rakugo!

Please take a look over here...

Once the opening acts are done with their performances,
they help their teacher out with the chores...

...and also sit down and share stories with him.

This is all a part of their job, too.

You bought a cell phone, Shishou?

Yup...and I was just thinking of
sending Sayuri-chan an "e-mail"...

Shall I do it for you?

Oh, could you?

"Dear Sayuri, thank you for always caring for me..."

Shishou, what's her address?

It's Saito City, Asakusa...

Oh Shishou...you're so funny...!

What? Funny...?

So what's the address?

Saito City, Asakusa...

Although it's considered an
occupation, it's hard to make a living.

Those who do not make enough money get part time jobs.

You f*cking punk, ya got some
money to pay up don't ya?!

We'll lock ya up in Fuckingham Palace if ya don't!!

And there are also those that give
up and retire from the business.

Former-ugly cow! What are you covering
up the tiger and urahara-dragon for?!

My bad.

There are some who end up choosing
the wrong replacement career.

Why are you re-doing them?!

There are all sorts aren't there?

And to those who would like to hear a rakugo
performance first hand, stop by the theater.

Other than rakugo, there are also musicals, magic
tricks, and stand up comedy acts performed here...

I keep telling you not to smoke while you walk!

Shut up, idiot, I'll b*at ya up!

Alright, anyway...here we go!

Tiger and Dragon!

Tiger & Dragon
Episode 5
"Umayakaji"

Translator: sayapapaya
Timer/Editor: sarcasstik

Whaddya lookin at?! I'll b*at ya up!

Well if it isn't Maro!

When did ya get out?

The end of last year.

We meant to come say hello sooner..!

Oh nevermind that.

How's work going?

Well he decided to turn over a
new leaf and start anew in Tokyo.

That's great! Why don't you have Tora drive ya back?

Oh! And this...

Oh no, you musn't!

It's just a little to celebrate your new life!

Just accept it already!

Oh, I can't believe you, dear! Thank you so much.

Even if he asks you to stop at a liquor store, don't listen.

What?

It was alcohol that caused him to injure
someone and got him in prison.

How much did he give us?

$700.

Bald old man. Might as well give us a $1000.

Perhaps Ryuseikai is coming to its end...

Boy, make a little pit stop for me, won't ya?

No, Maro-chan!

Didn't ya hear me? I told ya
to stop at a convenience store.

Oh, I'll stop at the next one.

What's this?

It's rakugo.

I've been interested in it recently.

Have you ever been to a vaudeville theater?

What?

It would be perfect for irritable people like yourselves.

It'll blow all your stress away.

Oh, really?

Maybe we should try someday.

Whatever.

Why hello! We're Marimo, Maruo from the Kansai area!

This pretty looking one is Marimo.

This dirty looking one is Maruo.

How dare you!

Can't ya be nicer to your own husband?

What the hell is that?

It's manzai (comic duo)! They're
Marimo & Maruo from Kansai!

I didn't know they were a comedic duo...

So what the hell is it?

So I realized that I need to start shaping up!

You needn't try too hard, dear!

Why not?

If you were to die...

If I were to die?

I would get loads of inheritance money!

I keep telling you to be nicer to your husband!

Well, as you can see, we're a comedic
duo that's also a married couple!

But to tell you the truth...

It's all an act!

We haven't had sex in the longest time!

We're all dried up already!

But if you ask us why...

It's because we're seeing other people!

Hey! Hold it, woman!

What did you do that for?!

Wait a minute! Who's this other person that you're seeing?!

It's someone you know very well!

Oh! Well in that case...

But I indeed hope he would try harder...

Wait, of course it ain't okay!

What are you doing? We're in
the middle of a performance!

Who cares?! I wanna know when this happened!

It happened when you went and b*at
someone up and got thrown in prison!

You cheated on me while I was in the slammer?!

No! It happened after you came out!

Oh! Well in that case...

Here's a song for you!

Wait, of course it ain't okay!!

Listen to what I have to say!

Would you stop pushing me all over the place already?!

Why should I?

There's a plain clothes cop in the audience today!

Where...?

What are ya singing for?!

Why don't you ever listen to what I'm saying?!

We need to settle this once and for all!

Were you having an affair or not?!

No, I wasn't!

That's a lie!

No, it's not!

Yet, it is!

No, it's not!

Yes, it is!

Actually, it IS a lie!

Oh! Well in that case...

It ain't okay!!

You!

Who do you think you are?!

We've been together for 20 years now!

Where's the trust, you piece of junk!

I'm so sorry!

Please forgive me!

Kan-nin-nin! (Forgive me)

When I lie...

When she lies...

It shows on my face!

It's showing a lot!

Marimo and Maruo are a comedic couple!

Thank you very much!

Sorry for always making you wait.

No problem!

Although I feel a little out of place...

But to get your nails done all
nice while you're on a date...!

It's like hitting two birds with one stone...

You're weird.

Why?

We've known each other for half a year now, but
you still haven't even tried to hold my hand.

You're sounding like the lyrics from "Red
Sweet Pea" (oldie by Matsuda Seiko).

Bad boys are more attractive.

Now you're sounding like "Nagisa No Haikara Ningyo."
(The fashionable mermaid at the beach)

Why don't you choose where to go next.

Ok...

Wanna come over?

What?

Just kidding!

What the hell am I...

Where do you live?

In Aoyama, actually.

Wow!

I've been looking for a place in Aoyama.

But the rent is so expensive over there...

Not if we split the rent...

You get a little greedy sometimes, don't you?

Let's go!

Where?

We're going to your place, right?

Are you serious?

Hey!

Why can't you guys wait til I get ho...

Oh!

Thank you for the ride earlier.

Shishou...

What is it?

Not you. I'm talking to him.

May I shake your hand?

You guys were so funny! I was so touched!

I've never seen manzai before in my life.

It was awesome!

If I had seen that before rakugo, I probably
would have asked to be your apprentice instead!

Who came up with that routine?

Routine? That's just a married couple's quarrel!

They've been doing the same thing for the past 20 years!

Shut up, you broccoli! I'll b*at ya up!

Kan-nin-nin!

What the hell are you doing here anyway?

Sayuri-chan and I were their go-betweens.

Mari-chan used to be a pupil of mine.

Oh...I see.

The first time this guy got arrested, your
pops was the one that paid his bail money.

The first time?

He's been arrested 3 times total!

Shut up.

He's so strong! He's a former boxer.

Oh I see...all you professional entertainers
just have a messed up personal life, don't ya?

You're included too, Shishou!

You're too serious, so you're no fun.

You gotta have an affair or two and
incorporate it into your act!

Hey! Don't give him any weird
advice! He'll take you seriously!

Exactly! I was 5 seconds away from calling an escort service!

Maruo-san, you better be good to Mari-chan!

Don't worry...he's changed.

Have you really quit drinking?

Yea, I haven't had a single drop
for over one and a half years...

What?

You want some?

Be more considerate!

Woow!

Your place is so nice!!

Sorry. This is the Swedish Embassy.

It's pretty cute!

Huh?

Oh wow, you live in a really traditional style house!

Wow! You live in a whole house all by yourself?

Where is it??

Take your shoes off here.

Here?

How much rent do you pay...?

$650.

It would be unthinkable anywhere else. Only in Aoyama.

You don't have a bath do you...?

Yeah, but it's Aoyama.

It smells of some kind of complicated curry...

Well, it's Aoyama!

I get the feeling that you're distancing yourself from me.

That's not true!

It's just a lot more ordinary than I expected.

That's not part of my property!

Welcome to Yanaka Ryuji's castle!

What? You're not coming in?

Megumi-chan!

What are you doing here?

Whoa! Megumi-chan's in my house!

You want some low-malt beer?

You live together?

No!

I rent this place out from him!

$70 a month!

That's why this is my own place.

Do you want to see my new designs?

Ryu-chan, you ate my mango
pudding again, didn't you?

No I didn't!

Also, I don't mind you snacking on the powdered
cream at night, but put it back after you're done!

The 65 cents that I left here is gone!

What did you do with my 65 cents?!

I don't know! Maybe it was Ryu-san.

It wasn't me! It was Ryu-chan!

Ryu-san would never do anything like that!

Unlike you, Ryu-san is an honest guy! Right?

He sends money home to his family in China every month!

If you do it again, I'm calling the cops!

Where'd she go?

Wait, Megumi-chan!

You just got here!

We haven't had any low-malt beer yet!

Let go!

Megumi-chan...

I'm sorry, Ryuji-kun.

I think it's great that you're pursuing
you dreams and have your own style.

But...but...!

I hate poor guys!

I can't stand it!!

Is that why he's all mummified now?

He hasn't spoken for 4 days now.

Even if I try to talk to him about work, it's no use.

Hey Ryuji!

Cheer up!

I have a job offer for you.

Come in!

It's Maruo-san...

He talked!

It's been a while, Ryu!

Oh, you know each other?

He used to play with me when I was a kid.

No need for introductions, then!

Could ya make a costume for him?

What?

I've been workin as their manager recently.

Could ya let them perform at your event?

I dislike comedy from Kansai...

Besides, they...

What ya talkin about?! I'm begging you!

You're a storyteller...what are
you acting as their manager for?

Well, they're funny.

What?

I feel that things that are funny should
be enjoyed by as many people as possible.

It'll be a waste for only the
audience at the theater to enjoy it.

When I saw Shishou's performance, it made me want to quit
the yakuza business, even though I haven't been able to yet...

I thought that other people
might enjoy what I enjoy, as well.

Alright.

It's not like I have anything better to do...
When do you want it by?

Next Friday. So...

By the 10th.

That doesn't leave me much time!

I'll come up with a design today and take it to you.

Wait, let me warn ya.

You better not put any of those
lame-ass dragons or zippers on it.

It's not "Lame-ass Dragon" it's Urahara Dragon!

I don't give a sh*t.

Just make somethin cool.

If ya make somethin lame, I'll b*at ya up.

Let's go.

How much is this?

Gotta get to work!

Hey, Tenchou!

Ya better watch the store!!

How's this, Maruo-chan?

I got some great shouchu in!

Just kiddin. You don't get any.

You have a performance today, don't ya?

Just at night.

So what made you want to do manzai?

Who knows.

Probably by chance.

But there must have been some kind of reason.

What about your parents?

You're from Osaka, right?

My hometown's Himeji in Hyogo.

Got no parents.

Really?

They're both dead.

My dad was heavy in debts.

So as my mom raised me, she worked
at bars in order to pay them back.

I'm not going to be home til late tonight,
so get yourself something warm to eat.

Kan-nin-nin.

In order to help my mom out, I started boxing.

Ma! They scheduled my debut match!

10 days after my ma d*ed, my pa
drove his car into the ocean and d*ed.

The rest is history.

I finished middle school, and started working
as a bouncer at cabarets and strip clubs.

At 18 I met Marimo, my other half.

I drifted to Osaka, and started manzai.

Come to think of it, I've been
laughing non-stop since my parents d*ed.

All I needed in my life was the
power to laugh and make others laugh.

What? You sick?

I'm cryin!

It's my story! Why are ya crying?

Because, our lives are practically
the same up til the middle...!

And then it's the total opposite!!

Perhaps it's the difference in culture
between the Kantou and Kansai area?

I like ya even more now.

I'm gonna do my very best and
get you a whole lot more gigs!

Here! Have a drink...!

Of hot soba water.

2day's storey is "Umayakaji."
Cum 2 tge tgeater ap poon ap...

Hey, spell check, why don't ya?

Is it Don-chan?

I don't really know what's goin
on, but I guess I should go.

Hey, Tacchan! Watch him so
he doesn't drink any alcohol!

Leave him to me!

Thank you all for coming today.

There's an old saying that a fight between a married
couple is so terrible that not even a dog would eat it.

Oh! It's Umayakaji today.

Recently, you hear the acronym "D.V." often.

Which stands for domestic v*olence.

Just hearing it makes me cringe.

However, fortunately, I'm a very peace-loving
man, so there's no such problems in my household.

However, I do have a certain pupil who's quite fierce.

I'm always worried about when he might slug me.

So the D.V. of my house is more like P.V...Pupil v*olence.

He's talkin about me!

What's wrong?

You have another fight with your husband?

Yes, I have!

A fellow pupil hurt her finger.

And being a hair dresser, it's terrible for her.

Well, I decided I should help her out
because she would do the same for me.

So I filled in for her.

Oh my! Mari-chan!

What's the matter?

You don't seem very cheery.

What brings you here?

My annual physical.

Once you reach my age, the upkeep costs so much.

Me, too!

And once I got home, my husband said to me...

What have you been doing all this time?

It angered me, so I yelled back at him: If it wasn't for
me, you wouldn't be able to play and drink sake all day!

And being the man that he is, he shouted back:
Who do you think you are?! You flat-faced woman!

And I retorted: Shut up! You ugly man!

And then he came back with: What did you say, you ogre!!

You're together 24 hours a day...it's
only natural you get into fights.

I can deal getting shoved around on stage
because I tell myself it's part of the act.

But when he tells me that he's going to "b*at me up"
every single hour of the day, I can't take it anymore!

You should just leave him!

Even though I acted as your go-between,
I never liked that man from the start.

When I checked up on him while you weren't home,
he was eating sashimi and drinking a cup of sake!

He spends all that money that you work
so hard to earn as a hairdresser...

It may not be my place to say this, but it's not like my husband
ordered sashimi for everyone in the room or drank barrels of sake.

You needn't be so hard on him...all
he had was some sashimi and sake!

You're too much!

Hey! You were the one that said you wanted to leave him!

It's Umayakaji today!

I finished a draft!

There are times when he's the sweetest man in the world!

However, there are also times
when I wish he'd just drop dead!

The problem is that I don't know how he feels.

I don't know if he really loves me...

Or if he's just with me in order to make a living.

Which do you think it is?

How should I know, if you don't even know yourself!?

But I really sympathize with you.

Well, there are ways to test and see how he really feels.

Are you familiar with Morocco?

Of course! It's a food, isn't it?

It's China! Our neighbor.

There once was an important man named Koushi.

Who's Koushi?

Just listen.

Sensei!

It's terrible! There was a fire in the barn!

What did you say?!

We came as fast as possible in order to save
your prized white horse, but it was too late!

You should have rode your white horse
today, but you took your black one instead!

No! It's our fault for starting the fire!

We're so sorry!

My dear pupils!

Is anyone hurt?

We're all fine.

Is that so?

Well, that's the most important.

They realized that he was such a kind master.

And decided to dedicate the rest of their lives to him.

However, there are other cases that are the total opposite.

There once was a young master of the
Saru (monkey) household in Kouji-city.

It's not often that you hear of
a young master monkey you say?

That's not the case.

I can't disclose his real name, so we'll leave it at that.

This young master had a great interest in collecting china.

Hey four-eyes! That's a very expensive
bowl, so my wife will take it.

This old, cracked thing...?

You idiot. I wouldn't be able to afford it if it weren't for that cr*ck...

Did the bowl break?!

It's said that the young master repeated the phrase, "Did the
bowl break?!" a total of 36 times without even pausing to breathe.

Well, the parents of his wife came and took their daughter back.

It's only right considering the fact that the man
was more worried about his bowl than his own wife.

My husband also has a piece of china that he's very fond of.

Oh is that so? That's great. Break it!

But what if he turns out to be like the young
master Saru instead of the master in Morocco?

Won't you go see him before-hand for me please?

Why should I do that?

Tell him that I'm about to break it, so he has to
be sure to worry about my body and not the platter.

That defeats the whole purpose!

How hopeless!

Who you callin hopeless?!

What the hell are you doin here? Where's Maruo-san?

I forgot him there!

You drink too, Maruo-san! It's no fun drinking alone!

I'll pass today. I still have a performance left tonight.

Come on! You used to drink in the dressing room before!

As tough as always!

Have another!

No, no...I really...

I'll have a shouchu instead!

With pleasure!

I have to get going.

See you!

Hey, Mari-chan...

Are you really all right?

I'm fine, thank you.

We were too late...!

We gotta go find him!

He couldn't have gotten far!

Let's have another!

Maruo-san! I don't have any more money...

There's a place!

Ryu! I found one!

Are you serious?

Ya know, Ryuji?

While b*at (Kitano) Takeshi was
in training, he drank "mechiru"!

Mechiru?

Yuup.

Once you drink mechiru and make a dash for it,
the alcohol spreads all throughout your body!

We have to go! Your performance is starting soon!

That'll be enough for today.

What are you guys doin?

Adrian!!

I won't be held responsible!!

Your turn is coming right up...

Is your husband here yet?

It can't be helped. Ma'am, I'll go for you!

Stop it! Don't rub salt into the wound!

Are you calling me salt?

Well, I guess this means it's my turn...

Please forgive me!

This is all my fault!

It sure is!

You were supposed to be watching him!

It's your fault for callin me over!

5 seconds after he apologizes, he goes into a rage!

Is it my fault?

Well, no...

I'm just sayin that you're havin too
much fun with your new cell phone.

I told Tacchan to watch over him! Didn't I?!

What should I have done?

I've never missed any one of
Don-chan's performances, ever!!

So you're sayin it's all my fault anyway, aren't you!!

Enough!

Mari-chan's crying!!

If Mari-chan cries, I'll cry, too!

Is that alright??

No, it's not alright at all.

I'm sorry.

Alright Ryuji, it's time to perform. Let's go.

It's not possible! Look how drunk you are!

I'm fine! I'm the #1 manzai comedian in Kansai!

I won't let a lil bit of sake stop me!

Hey! What's your problem?!

Oh! I'm sorry! He's a little drunk!

Learn to walk straight, ya old geezer!

That drunkard!

What'd you say?

Ma'am should we start rehearsing?

Yeah right! You think a man who doesn't have common ground
with his own wife can perform manzai with someone else's?

Don...

This may not be the time, but...

What is it?

Can ya tell me the punchline to
that story with the fire in the barn?

See! There's someone even more insensitive than me!

I heard up to the part where the wife is

Well, the wife breaks it, and her husband says...

Are you hurt? If a plate breaks I can just buy a new one.

Were you hurt at all?

That makes me so happy! You're worried about me!

Of course I am!

If something were to ever happen to you...

From tomorrow on...

I wouldn't be able to play...

and drink sake...

It's no use!

The police sirens are ruining it!

They sound awfully close though, don't they..?

You don't think...?

It's no use...

I don't get it at all.

What happened?

Let us through!

Listen to me!

I have nothing to do with this!

I seriously haven't done anything at all!!

That idiot...!

Somebody get an ambulance!

No! Don't call an ambulance!

What the hell happened...?

Don't put me in!!

Ryuji! Why the hell...?

You have a car, don't you?

Take her home!

Huh?!

Kotora! I'm putting you in charge!

Sayuri-chan and I have to go to the police station...!

Somebody get a blanket or something!

I gotta get back to my shop...

What the hell?

I don't get what's goin on at all...

What are you doing?

Sorry. Did I wake ya?

Well...I didn't know whether to cool ya down or make ya warm...

So I just decided on room temperature...

Thank you.

I'm fine now.

Uh, Ma called a little earlier...

Seems like they're lettin Ryuji go...

But Maruo-san...

I'm so sorry.

We're terribly sorry for causing trouble.

Don't apologize like that!

I didn't do anything!

Ryuji...How can you be so care free?

Maruo hadn't had a drop of sake since he got out of jail.

Jail...?

We were all trying to help him start anew...

And then you come along...

How can you say that you didn't do anything??

You aided Maruo.

You're an accomplice in the crime!

They shoulda thrown you prison for 2 or 3 years!

You were just crying and apologizing a while ago...

That was all an act!

Of course it was an act!

Who the hell would cry over you?

This is the last straw...

We've imposed on you as well.

After you worked so hard to find gigs for us...

Actually, I just wish that you won't lose hope in Maruo-san.

He's definitely not a bad person.

After talking to him, I realized
that we have a lot in common.

My only path in life was to become a yakuza,
but I'm currently in the midst of fighting it.

I bet Maruo-san...

His only path was to become a comedian,
and he's fighting it the hardest he can.

Even though he lost to alcohol this round...

He's definitely not a bad guy.

So if you lose hope on him, it's like
saying there's no hope for me either.

I dunno...

I've been really thinking...

About what?

About the story where the wife breaks her
husband's platter in order to verify his feelings.

I thought it was such a good story...

But my husband has nothing that's precious to him.

Except for his alcohol...

So I hoped maybe he would cherish
me once he quit drinking...

But I lost out to sake...

Wait. There's something...

Something he cherishes more than sake...

What?

Manzai.

There's an old saying that a fight between a married
couple is so bad that not even a dog would eat it...

It's Umayakaji!

Hey! Shouldn't you be at work?

Don't worry! I closed shop for the day!

v*olence within a household is called D.V.

However, today's story is about
v*olence outside of a household.

There was a foolish man who made a
living pushing his wife around on stage.

In his case, D.V. stands for Dumb v*olence.

There was a married couple known as Marimo and Maruo.

They were a manzai duo famous for their
act that involved b*ating each other up.

Well, after being pushed around everyday on stage,
the wife must have started becoming concerned...

I wonder if my husband really loves me..?

So in order to verify her husband's
feelings, she decided to put on a little act.

You're gonna get hurt right before their peformance.

And so we'll see whether he'll be worried about you or not.

That's an exact copy of Umayakaji.

Awhile ago when we were at the top of our game,
there was a time when I got a bad case of whiplash.

So what did Maruo-san do?

He made sure to att*ck my neck.

Damn I underestimated him.

It would take a lot in order to waver him.

It would have to be something serious like terminal cancer.

That's good!

Huh?

If ya told him you have cancer and only have like
4 months to live, he'll be concerned for sure!

Right! If he's still rough with you after that,
then it proves that he's a violent husband.

In which case you should leave him.

Whaddya think?

You'll definitely have the upper hand.

I feel as though we've drifted from the point a little.

And so it was agreed upon, and
the plan was to be carried out.

Tiger tiger jirettaiga!

Good...

Well, the boss paid for his bail
again, and he was in their hands.

Ryu?

Yes?

Could ya take me to Tokyo Station, please?

Huh?

I've decided to go back to Osaka.

Why would you want to do that?

Shouldn't you go see your wife?

How could I face her again after all this, idiot?

You expect me to perform manzai, too?

What are we gonna do?

Didn't ya hear what I said?!
We're changin destinations!

Oh damn...should I tell him or not?

No, I can't!

Tell me what?

Nothing...

Ahh, I'll just tell you!

It's cancer.

What??

You didn't know?

Marimo-san has cancer.

She was in the hospital for it while you were in jail.

Are you serious?!

That's terrible!

What kind of cancer? Stomach? Liver??

I dunno that much...

That's terrible!! How much longer does she have?

Half a year? Or was it 3 months...?

Which is it?! That's a huge difference!!

I told ya I don't know!

Shut up already!!

Go back!

What?

I'm tellin ya to go back on the other road.

Hurry up before I b*at ya up!

You want to have dinner with me that much, huh?

What the hell is takin them so long...?

Um, Kotora-san...

Don't worry. They're on their way.

It's not that.

I've changed my mind to the opposite.

The opposite?

The man I married wouldn't falter even
if I did have some incurable illness.

If he continues to push me around on stage even if I have cancer,
I will stay with him no matter what may happen in the future.

But on the other hand, if he
shows any bit of concern for me...

Then I will divorce him.

I understand.

Comin through!

Sorry we're late!

Where's the costumes?

Well, actually I haven't finished them yet.

Why not, you idiot?!

It's not my fault!
I had to go pick him up!

I like it!

For real?

For you, that's pretty good.

Well, I was planning on putting lots of zippers on
the front here, and on the back a huge golden lion...

Nevermind that sh*t.

Where's Maruo-san?

He's changing right now.

Go get him.

Yes, sir.

So about the cancer...

You don't have to tell him anymore.

What?

It's the opposite now.

Marimo-san wants him to push her around on stage as
usual, so he'll do as he usually does if we don't tell him.

Too late...

Huh?

I told him already while we were in the car!

I couldn't help it! He started
sayin that he was goin back to Osaka!

What the hell...Is it all my fault again?!

Maruo-san's coming in!

Maru-chan!

Mari-san.

You have cancer?

Next up we have the manzai duo
from Kansai, Marimo & Maruo!

We'll talk about it later!

We're up!

Hello! We're Marimo and...!

Maruo!

It's your line!

The cute looking one over here is Marimo.

And the dirty looking one is Maruo!

You...

I'm such a dirty man...

You needn't take it so personally! This is manzai!

Yes. This is manzai...

Here I go! Don't stop me now!

Please go right ahead!

This rose in a flower field over here is Marimo.

This runny nosed criminal over here is Maruo!

It's all true!

Thank you for sticking with me all this time!

Thank you!!

I'm so grateful!

Idiot!

I'm such an idiot!!

This means divorce...

What?

It's all a lie.

She's just testing him.

She doesn't have cancer?

She doesn't really have cancer??

I knew I should have put that golden lion on the back...

Shut up!
You stay quiet!

I keep telling myself that I gotta shape up.

You don't have to try too hard!

If you die, I'll get loads of inheritance money!

That's so true..!

I wish I could die...

So you could live the rest of your life in luxury!

So...

Why is it that a scumbag like me will survive...

And Mari-chan...!

Hey you!

Pull your act together!

What the heck is going on?!

It's rude to the audience!

I'm so sorry...

My husband always pushes me around so much...

So I pulled a little prank on him.

I told him that I was going to
die soon from a terminal illness...

And look how freaked out he is!!

Hold it!

What do you mean?

Are you saying that you're not really going to die?

It's a lie!

It's a lie?!

It's a lie!

It's a lie?!

It's the truth!

Which is it?!

Idiot!

Whenever I'm lying...

Whenever I'm lying...

It shows on my face!

So it IS a lie!!

How dare you make a fool of your husband!

Why, you good for nothin!

You would actually be sad if your wife d*ed?!

Of course, you idiot!

If you were to die...!

I wouldn't be able to have fun and drink every night!

Yay! Gotta hand it to ya, Mr. 2nd Billing!

Thank you so much!

Thank you, everyone!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Please rest assured.

We'll keep the incense burning until you return.

Kan nin nin. (Please forgive me.)

I never imagined that she really did have cancer...

You did a real good job.

Don't you think?

If they had divorced at that point...

That would have been terrible!

They were able to understand each
other one final time on stage...

As a married couple...as entertainers...

They probably have no remaining regrets.

You played out the ultimate Morocco story!

Ya give me too much credit.

Well...because of this, I cannot
accept any tuition from you this time.

I feel that you've taught me something very important.

I wish I could pay you tuition, instead!

Although I can't.

What about this month's debt money?

Oh, about that...

Could you put it on my tab?

Alright.

Just this once.

Shut up already!

Hey! Put your tray out when you're done eating!

I'm Inouye Waka!

Say something, why don't ya?

Gimme a break, please.

We go through this every single day.

I can't continue like this with you anymore!
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