01x07 - Frowning Friends

[bunniefuu]

[ Sighs ]
No calls today.

That's unusual.

You know, I was just reading
about how the...

Renaissance Men
are coming in town.

Oh, who are they?
Who's the Renaissance Men?

Um...oh, it just says here
that the Renaissance Men

are coming in town,
and by the looks of it,

it's, like, super soon.

It's, like, really soon.

Who are
the Renaissance Men?
So...

I don't know
who they are.

Like
the Renaissance fair?

Dude, I'm just telling --
Look, I've just telling you

what I'm reading here, man.
That's all I know.

You know as much as I know.
I'm just reading off this thing.

It says the Renaissance Men
are coming in town really soon.

Okay.
Like, A.S.A.P.

I just don't know
what that means.

I don't know what that is.
[ Whirring, beeping ]

[ Clang ]
What's that noise?

[ Whirring, beeping continues ]

I think it's that.

Ah. Well, well, well.

The Smiling Friends.
We meet at last.

Hi. Who are you guys?

I am Grim,
and this is Gnarly.

We're the Frowning Friends.
And we just moved in yesterday.

How peculiar.
[ Chuckles ]

Well,
nice to meet you.

So what exactly
do you guys do?

[ Mockingly ] So what
do you guys even do?

[ Normal voice ]
Shut up, man.

Good one, Gnarly.
I love you.

And I love you, Grim.

Let's leave these
smiling fools to it.

[ Grim and Graham laugh evilly ]

[ Faint evil laughter ]

That's not even
a real laugh.

Don't worry, Charlie.

I'm sure The Boss will know
what to do about this.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[bleep] [bleep]

Excuse me, Mr. Boss.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. One sec, one sec.

God damn it!

Okay, go. What's up?

We just wanted to bring
to your attention

that a new company
moved in across the street

called the Frowning Friends,
and we just wanted...

Frowning...Friends?

Yeah.

Should we be worried?

No, don't fret, young Pim.

It's just a little bit
of friendly competition.

Okay, great. Well, then there's
no time to waste, Charlie.

Let's go out there
and make people smile!

Oh, like, I did not think
he was gonna do that.

That's scared me. That actually
scared me a little bit.

Anyways, I'll see you later,
man.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Pim, why can't we
just wait for jobs

to come into the office,
like we normally do?

Come on, Charlie.
Now that we've got competition,

we can't afford to sit around
in the break room all day.

We've got to get out there
and get our hands dirty.

I'll knock
your head off, man.

I'll knock your head
off and roll on it if
you ever insult me again.

What about this guy?
I'll knock your head off.

Hello, sir.
Why the long face?

Oh, yeah, I'm kind of,
like, friggin' pissed off, man.

I always wanted to be
something of an artist, man.

[ Rapping indistinctly ]

But no one wants to,
you know,

listen
to my friggin', um...

my sh*t and stuff, man.

And it makes me angry,
man.

I don't mind it. You just need
to keep working hard on it,

and you'll definitely
find an audience.

Practice makes perfect.

Hey, I just remembered.
You two little critters told me

that it would be easier
if I just quit making music

and gave the freak up
and stuff, man.

No, we've never spoken
to you, sir.

Yeah, no, I've met you two, man.
I friggin' met you two.

You're Grim, and
you're Gnarly and stuff, man.

Oh.
Oh, no, okay.

All right, look,
I see what's going on.

Now, look, those are just
two guys who look like us.

Yeah, they just
look like us.

Man, shut up, man.

You're trying to trick me,
man.

Put smoke into
my friggin' head and sh*t, man.

Not at all, man.

Man, I don't know what
to think no more, man!

Okay, okay.
Let's de-escalate.

No one's messing
with your head.

Get out of me head!
Nobody's messing
with your head.

Get out of me head!
Let's just put -- No.

Nobody's messing
with your head, man.

Nobody's messing with...

Hello, Mr. Man.

We were just wondering
if you needed cheering up today.

Well, the shape of my head
causes me

constant mental anguish.

Does it sound like
I need cheering up?

Yeah, a little bit.
I think you, yeah.

In fact, didn't you two
just come by and tell me

I should feel bad
about my disgusting head shape

and shouldn't do anything
to address it?

God damn it, man.
They've gotten everyone.

No, sir, that wasn't us.

Your head is stunning,
by the way.

No, I've definitely
seen you two before.

You're -- You're trying
to mess with me.

Get out of my head.
Get out of my head!

Get out of my head, man!
Get out of my head, man!

Nobody's messing
with your head.

[ Indistinct arguing ]

Look, Pim, I get
what's going on here.

They're the Bizarro versions
of us. That's fine.

But what's their end game?
What's the point of this?

It's just
pissing me off now.

Let's try one more, Charlie.
What about that guy?

Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo-hoo!

Hey, there, little guy.

What's got you upset?

Oh, boo-hoo.

It's just that the world
is so damn rotten.

There's so much hate
and evil.

3D Squeldon just doesn't see
a point in living anymore.

What's the point?
Oh, boo-hoo-hoo!

Is there anything that does make
you feel better, 3D Squeldon?

3D Squeldon
likes balloons.

Well, there you go.
Balloon maker, right there.

Why don't you just
get your license?

I'm sure a balloon profession
will put

a big old smile
on your face.

Yeah, it kind of does.

Ah, yes, but think about
how much time and energy

it would take to become
a balloon salesman.

And it doesn't matter
because you will die one day.

Oh, no, but think about
how good it'd feel

once you finally did
get the license.

Gnarly: But did you know
that all of Earth's helium

is running out and will be
completely depleted

within 15 to 20 years?

Is that actually true?

[ Laughs evilly ]

We only tell the truth,
even when it hurts.

Any time you feel like

changing your life
for the better,

give us a call, and we'll put
a frown on that face.

Okay,

Charlie, I don't --
I don't think these guys

want friendly competition
with us at all.

Dude, I just looked at
the helium thing

he was talking about.
That's true.

That's, like, 100%.
Everything he said was true.

It's all gonna be gone.

All right, guys.
Things are looking pretty bleak.

I'm down $2.4 billion

since this new company
moved in across the street.

Any ideas?

Don't worry, Mr. M.

I had a similar problem
when I acquired Wrigley's gum.

You should
just buy more stocks.

Well, when
the American public discovered

I'd been filling my peanuts up
with toxic pesticides,

I decided to go on
"The d*ck Cavett Show"

and do
a little peanut jig.

Yes, that's what you need,
is a peanut jig of your own.

Yes, a peanut jig
of your own. Yes.

Well, I don't know what
that peanut or that fellow

over there are saying,
but I believe you should try

to win back
the marketplace

with a more competitive
business model.

Oh, wow,
What a great idea!

Not!

Why did you invite us here
in the first place

if you won't listen
to our advice?

None of you are any help.
Just get out.

Get out now! Bah!
[ Glass shattering ]

Alan: Mr. Boss?

You all right?

Yeah, yeah,
I'm fine, Alan.

Just having fun.

Why don't you
go find a piece of cheese

or something, man?

[ Sighs ]

I can't think with
all this ruckus around me.

I just need to go to my thinking
room for a little while.

Frowning Friends, of course.

[Bleep] it's genius.

Why didn't I think
of that?

[ Distorted voice ]
Look at yourself. Weak.

Looter.
You deserve nothing.

Oh! Oh!

You know what you must do.

I-I can't.

[ Screaming ]

You must!

[ Screaming ]

I really can't.
It's not right.

[ Screaming ]

You must!!

Perhaps you're right.

Perhaps I should do what I
should have done from the start.

Yeah, it came out --
Like I said,

it came out, like,
green and chunky.

I've never seen it
like that before.

Yeah, like I said,
I'm not a doctor,

so you should probably talk
to someone who understands

that stuff more.

Hey, what's with
all the people?

Grim: And that is
why you shouldn't try

to better your life --
because you might fail.

So it's easier to frown.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Pim: That's not true!
Crowd: Huh?

Help, help! That rotten pink man
is trying to bully

a mentally ill man
like myself.

Guards, seize them.

Alan? Glep?

They have a better 401(k).
Sorry.

But I just have to note

that it was only Pim
that yelled something.

I didn't say anything.
Oh!

Now witness the brutal
cruelties of reality.

[ Screaming ]

Don't look, Charlie.

Is this really supposed
to be --

I mean, I've seen way worse
stuff than this on the Internet.

I don't...

[ Breathing heavily ]

My brothers, now the next step
of our plan shall commence.

You must all go and spread
the word of frowning.

Pretty soon,
everyone will embrace sadness,

and there'll be no such thing
as smiling.

[ Breathing rapidly ]

And once that's done,
we can finally eradicate

all the Puerto Ricans
on the planet.

Together: Yeah!

Man: Huh? Huh?
What do he say? What?

I mean make everyone
on the planet frown.

[ Crowd mumbling ]

Together: Yeah!

Nothing matters because
we're all gonna die someday!

Hey!

No, no, no.
Please don't k*ll me. Please.

I don't want to die.
Please don't k*ll me!

Please don't!

[ Crying ]

Relax, man.

I was just gonna sh**t you
in the head and k*ll you.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait a minute, man.

They don't think
nothing matters at all, man.

He was scared to die
and stuff, man.

What the [bleep]
Man, that makes me angry, man.

3D Squeldon hates lies!
Boo-hoo!

I actually wanted
to k*ll the Puerto Ricans.

[ Crying ]

Riiight.

Kinda cringe.

Do we still have
to detain you?

Probably not, man. I think
the guy pissed in his pants.

[ Crying ]

Hey, hey, hey.
Don't cry.

You should be happy
that your idea was so good

that it drove me bonkers
with jealousy.

That's kind of cool, huh?

Oh!

Wow. Smiling feels good.

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Ooh! Ha ha!

Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Ooh!

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

This is
a beautiful ending.

[ Humming ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

Fire!

Run!

Charlie, what was that?
What just happened?

Oh, the Renaissance Men
came into town finally.

I literally told you
at the beginning

the Renaissance Men
were coming into town.

And you didn't believe me.
I was thinking --

You knew
they were gonna come

and k*ll Grim and Gnarly
with arrows and stuff?

No, no. I didn't know
that was gonna happen.

Who are the Renaissance Men?
I don't know what that means,

'cause that's not Renaissance.
I'm just saying...

But they didn't
look like Renaissance...men.

[ Stammers ]
I literally -- I don't know.

That's, like,
a completely different era.

I literally told you
the extent of my knowledge.

I knew that the Renaissance Men
were coming into town.

That's it.

Okay.

Yeah. So...

♪♪

♪♪