01x04 - On Behalf of Society

[bunniefuu]

[TENSE MUSIC]

We there yet? No you impatient c**t.

So what's the surprise? Not telling.

Why not? 'Cause it's a f*cking surprise.

That's the whole point of a surprise.

You don't tell the other person 'cause then it just it ruins the surprise.

But I don't like surprises.

Well, you'll f*cking like this one.

- Yeah, we'll see.

- You'll like this one.

Yeah, we'll see.

Look the other way.

I didn't come out this far for you to f*ck it up.

Close your eyes.

Look the other way.

This better be f*cking good, mate, I tell you.

Just close your eyes.

They're closed.

Put your hands out.

Get f*cked.

- Hey? - f*ck off.

Hey, you like surprises now, hey? - That's a Sterling.

- No, that's a Patchett.

Patchett? Better than a Sterling.

Better than the Sten.

Pretty much won us World w*r II and it'll blow your f*cking head off.

What are you doing with them? Gonna make some fruit salad.

Stay.

Stay too.

[COUGHING]

You ready? This is it, mate.

Merry f*cking Christmas.

[WATER RUNNING]

All right, I've got another one for you.

Yeah.

Would you rather have great sex or great food? - Great food.

- Oh, that's boring.

Well, you gotta eat.

Yeah, but if you're going to have the great food, then you gotta have bad sex.

What's bad sex? Oh, that's the sex I have with you.

Oh very funny.

All right, if you're gonna have the great food, then you've gotta have bad sex with like some stinky, crusty old granny.

I'll have the great sex, then.

Okay, but then you're gonna have the bad food.

What's bad food? I don't know.

What's a food you don't like? Sandwiches.

What do you who doesn't like sandwiches? - I don't f*cking like sandwiches.

- What do you mean? I mean, toasted's all right but not f*cking raw ones.

Well, what is a raw sandwich? Well, not toasted.

A bit of bread with some sh*t in it.

Yeah, all right, fine.

Okay If you're gonna have the great sex then you have to eat raw sandwiches for the rest of forever.

How about I eat the sandwiches while I'm having the great sex? Yeah, if you want.

Sure, why not? All right, I'll do that then.

Won't even notice.

[LAUGHS]

[HIP HOP MUSIC]

[INDISTINCT RAPPING]

Bobby.

- How you doing? - Hey.

- How you doing? - Yeah, good.

- Ray, Davros.

- How you going, mate? So, Ray did Freddy explain why I wanted to see you? Yeah.

So how is your friend? - He's been better.

- Yeah? Right.

I heard he was in a coma.

That's the way it goes, eh? No hard feelings.

[CHUCKLING SOFTLY]

Well, I'm afraid there are hard feelings.

Quite a lot of hard feelings, actually.

Are there? That's why we're having this chat.

[CHUCKLES]

You can't go around bashing my guys.

But your guys can go around bashing my friends, can they? Look, we had no idea you were friends with the guy that got bashed.

I know you and Freddy are friends.

And out of respect for Freddy, my guys wouldn't have done what they did had they known.

If they did I would have put them in the hospital myself.

Did you know Freddy and I are family? He does now.

He does now.

Good.

Well we all know where we stand now, so we're good.

Right? Come on.

Get up.

Get up there.

In the future if there is a problem you won't go off half cocked.

You just keep your guys in line, mate, okay? And then I won't have to do it for you.

Nice to meet you.

[SIGHS]

Jesus Christ.

Don't even think about it.

Trust me.

Don't even think about it.

[KIDS YELLING]

Pass it to me! Go, go, go.

Keep it moving.

Come out, come out.

Bella, Bella, over here.

Hey, Britt.

Brittany.

Corey.

But even though there are lots of different types of stag beetles, many are facing a loss of habitat that is threatening - What's that? - Bug Versus Bug.

I'm obsessed with it.

Last night they had two spiders.

They had this like, jumping spider and this spitting spider.

And the jumping spider, he att*cks the other one - and jumps on him, but he misses.

- Mm.

And the spitting spider, he then sh**t out this kind of like What are these idiots doing? Having a good old f*cking chit-chat.

[HORN HONKS]

Oh, f*ck, here we go.

- What's your problem, d*ck head? - What's my problem - Ah! - I'll f*cking give you one of those, - you f*cking little turd.

- Ray! Yeah, you better run, you f*cking cocksucker.

Hey? Hey? Ah! Yeah, f*cking run, you little bitch.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

- What? - What the f*ck? Just get in the car, love.

Get in.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

You want a cuppa? Uh, yeah, sure.

Hey, can we talk? Yeah, what's up? What happened today with those guys it's kind of really bothering me.

Mm.

Um I mean, I know they were being assholes but Mm.

Like, you were really violent and it bothers me.

What was I supposed to do? I just feel like you could have you could have at least tried to talk to the guy, you know? Maybe tried to defuse the situation.

Yeah.

That would have given his partner time to get out of the car.

And then I'm dealing with two assholes instead of one.

I mean, one on one yeah, sure.

But, uh two on one, it's just too risky.

And you were there, I don't want you getting hurt, so Sure.

Right, yeah.

Okay? Yep.

Yeah, well, thank you, Max.

Thank you.

Um Ray.

How many, uh how many people, if you had to guess, how many people would you say that you've assaulted? Heaps.

And how do you feel about that? Fine.

They had it coming, so And what did they do? Oh, it depends.

Uh I mean, I'm pretty big on, just respect, so like, if you respect me, I respect you.

You know, if you don't, we got a problem.

Well, let's talk about the most recent as*ault.

The one with the two youths.

No, well, I only bashed one of them and um they weren't youths.

They were, like, in their 20s.

Well, let's call them young men then.

Ah, yeah, so I was walking down the street with me daughter and these two guys come along, bumped into her, and she had an ice cream, and you know, dropped her ice cream and So you assaulted him? Well no, they started then they started swearing and she's only eight, so So you bashed him while your daughter was just standing there? No, not while she was standing there.

I bashed him later.

Okay, well, how did you feel afterwards? After it was after it all happened? Fine.

Do you enjoy hitting people? I wouldn't say I enjoy hitting people.

You know, if I hit somebody I generally got a pretty good reason.

And you think you had a good reason? Didn't I just say that? So can you remind me again what that reason was? Well, they were being assholes.

The world is full of assholes, Ray, you do realize that? Yeah and you know why? Why? 'Cause people let them get away with it.

See, if you were in jail, right? And you f*cked with somebody, you disrespect somebody, you can end up dead.

There's consequences.

But out here in the real world There's no consequences.

Right? So next time these two pricks are walking down the street and they start thinking, "Oh, we might go and f*ck with somebody.

" They're gonna think twice about it which is good for everybody.

So in your mind you've done society a favor.

Yeah.

Well, I guess on behalf of society, I should say thank you.

[ALL LAUGH]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Steve, how are, uh how're things at home since we last spoke? [SIRENS WAIL]

[GRUNTING, YELLING]

[CHUCKLES]

- Here you go.

- It's about time.

- [LAUGHS]

- Oh, sorry.

- Hey.

- Bruce, Ally.

Gidday, mate.

- Nice to meet you.

- How you going, love? Yeah, good.

Good, thanks.

Britt, you wanna - Hi.

- Hello, Brittany.

- I'm Ally.

- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Your dad tells me you're a bit of a legend - on the netball court.

- I'm okay.

Okay? I'm sure you're better than okay.

Do you wanna come see my room? Sure, I'd love to.

Lead the way.

- It's over here.

- Okay.

Top shelf.

How'd she end up with you? - She must be desperate.

- Mm-hmm.

- Did you do that? - Yeah.

That is awesome.

- This is Patrick.

- Oh, hello, Patrick.

Oh, he's got a lovely mane.

He's very beautiful.

Are you gonna marry my dad? Um Uh Do you know what? Actually, I don't know.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Did you know that my dad's seen a real unicorn before? - Has he? - Mm-hmm.

He said he saw it in the Blue Mountains.

Okay.

Wow.

We're gonna go to look for one.

Right.

Do you wanna come? Yes, I would love to come.

That would be great.

Okay, cool.

Okay, cool.

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[DOG BARKS]

[DOGS BARKING]

[CAR APPROACHING]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

[TURN SIGNAL CLICKING]

[TURN SIGNAL CLICKING]

[TURN SIGNAL CLICKING]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[EXHALES]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[CAR HORN BLARES]

[EXHALES]

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Where have you been? Run out of smokes.

Mm.

What's that smell? What smell? I don't know, it's like a it's like a burning sort of chemically sort of smell.

["RECKLESS (DON'T BE SO)" BY AUSTRALIAN CRAWL PLAYS]

I miss our early morning wrestle Not a very happy Way to start the day She don't like That kind of behavior She don't like That kind of behavior So Throw down your g*ns Don't be so reckless Throw down your g*ns [LIGHTNING CRACKLES]

[DRAMATIC TONES]

[DRUMMING]