06x08 - Miss Jenkins

[bunniefuu]

( upbeat piano theme playing )

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You're Roy Biggins.

Who wants to know?

Fred Gardner, professional
Simon Says instructor.

Take my card.
Uh-uh-uh.

I didn't say "Simon says."

( both laugh )

Call security.

Sir, will you be flying with us
today on Aeromass?

No.
No.

Well, then, Simon says,
haul your butt out of here.

Hey, you know what?

You're just like
your mother said,

you were a big old bag
of fun.

You know my mother?

Know her?
I'm gonna marry her.

Eleanor Biggins?

Four foot ten, blond wig...

pack of Luckies tucked in
her support hose?

That's my girl and I love her.

Eleanor "Bluto" Biggins?

I know it's kind of sudden,
but it would mean a lot

to both of us if you'd
give us your blessing.

You know, Simon says, take your
time and think about it, son.

Hey, Mr. Simon Says.

You talking to me, kid?

Yeah. I bet you can't
get me out.

Some other time, kid.
I'm busy.

Are-- Are you
a fraidy cat?

A fraidy cat?

Get ready.

Take your best
sh*t, Says man.

Simon says,
clap your hands.

Simon says,
stomp your feet.

Stop.

Simon says, stop.

Simon says,
raise your arms.

Shake your arms.

Simon says,
shake your arms.

Stop.

Simon says, stop.

Put your arms down.

Simon says, put
your arms down.

Simon says, flutter your hands
like a hummingbird.

Stop.

Simon says, stop.

Simon says, do
a grand plié.

Simon says,
do the Charleston.

Simon says, do
the Stanley scene

from Streetcar Named Desire.

Stella!

All right. All right,
all right, all right!

You win. It's over.

Simon says,
it's over.

You're really
good, kid.

You know, people are gonna be
talking about you.

They already do.

( mellow theme playing )

Oh, Roy.

Your mother
must be thrilled

about getting married.

That Fred is quite a catch.

Ah, I don't
know.

There is something about
that Simon Says guy

I just don't trust.

We-- He said he loves her.

Why is that so hard to believe?

Because my mother has got
the soul of a pit bull

and the face of
a sock puppet.

Love ain't that blind.

Hey, Brian...

check out
the passenger list

for your next flight to Boston.

Oh! Wow, Laura Jenkins.

Wow, you think it's her?

Miss Jenkins?
Yeah.

( gasps )
Miss Jenkins!

Who's Miss Jenkins?

Ho-ho.
She was our ninth grade
English teacher,

and was she
ever gorgeous.

Oh. Remember those tight little
wool skirts she used to wear,

and those clingy
blouses?
Oh. Oh.

Wow, you remember the way she
used to erase the blackboard?

Her hips swaying
back and forth

and back and forth...

No, no, no, no, no.
That was not it.

It was more of--
More of a shimmy.

No, no. No.
Back and-- Back and--

No, no.
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no--

Yes, yes. You both
have nice butts.

Must you shove them
in our faces?

I can't believe you've
reduced Miss Jenkins

to a sex object.
JOE:
Hey.

I mean, when I was a fat
14 year old, she was my idol.

I wanted to be just like her.

You wanted to be
an English teacher?

No, a size 6.
Uh-huh.

( chuckles )

I guess everybody had
their Miss Jenkins.

Mine was Signorina
Sabatino.

One day, she took
a confused

and frightened
Antonio aside

and said, "Don't worry.
It's perfectly normal

"for those feelings
to come up

during Greco-Roman
wrestling."

So, uh-- Uh, when was the last
time we saw Miss Jenkins?

When she left the island
to get married.

Monday, August 17th,
1974.

Yep.

Sun glistened off
her honey-blond hair

as she walked
across the tarmac,

her hips a-swaying

back and forth,

back and forth--

Oh, my God.

Put on a black dress
and a leg brace,

and it's Signorina Sabatino.

Hi-hi.

HELEN:
Hey, remember Miss Jenkins?

Remember her? Why, I was
her favorite student.

Now, I used to tell her
who was cheating, who was late,

who was smoking,

who didn't have
their homework.

That was you?

We stuck Susie Miller's head
in the toilet for nothing.

So, what about
Miss Jenkins?

She's on Brian's
next flight.

Oh, God.

I hope I don't run into her.

I mean, she always had
such high hopes for me.
Mm.

Gonna break her heart
seeing me like this:

divorced and having to
sponge off my sister.

I know.

Breaks my heart too.

JOE:
Oh, my God.
There she is.

Wow. She still
looks incredible.

Hey. You think
she still remembers us?
Oh.

I-I don't know.
Let's go talk to her.

No, you go
first.

N-no, you go--
No, no, no--

Stop it.

You guys are acting like
12 year olds.

Hi, Miss Jenkins!
Hi, Miss Jenkins, it's me!

Oh, wait a minute. You're...

"Young lady, get those doughnuts
out of your mouth."

Oh. Helen Chappel.
Yes.

I didn't recognize you.

You got so...thin.
Yes.

Well, I-- I'm happy to say
that food is no longer

an important part
of my life.

Oh, that's wonderful.
What do you do now?

I run the lunch counter.

Is that...

Joe Hackett and--
And Brian?

( both giggling )

Look at the two of you,
all grown up.

( both giggling )

Hi, Miss Jenkins.

( sighs )

Now brace yourself, I know this
may be a big disappointment,

but I--

I haven't exactly lived up to
all the wonderful hopes

and dreams you always
had for me.

I'm sorry, do I know you?

It's me, Casey.

Casey.

Casey Chappel.
( mouths ):
My sister.

Helen's sister?

Oh, it's like a dream.
We're together again.

So-- So, Miss Jenkins, what
brings you back to the island?

Well, after my divorce, I wanted
to get back into teaching.

A job opened up here,
so I took it.

( over loudspeaker ):
Sandpiper Flight 22 to Boston

is now boarding at Gate 1.

I'd better hurry.
That's my flight.

I'm going to Boston
for the day.

Yes. I know.
I'm your pilot--

Well, uh, I own
the airline.

Uh, we own the airline.

Yeah, but I started it.
And did it all by myself.

Heh. Heh.

Uh, we'd better get going,
Miss Jenkins.

Yeah.

Great to see you,
Helen and...

Casey?

You too. Oh.

Oh, quit
sucking up.

( giggles )

You know, I just
had a thought.

It's career week
at school,

and I think the kids
would get a kick

out of hearing a former student
talk about being a pilot.

Oh, I'll do it.
No I'll do it.

That's no fair,
you get to fly her.

Tough noogies.

Ah, boys, boys.
Why don't you both do it?

Come by, say about 10:00?

Great, we'll be there.
Thanks a lot.

Hey, L-Lowell.
Look who's here.

Oh. Hello,
Miss Jenkins.

Lowell Mather.
How are you?

Uh, fine, Miss Jenkins.

Uh, maybe we'd
better get going.

So nice to see
you all.

Yeah, you too.
Have a great flight.

Goodbye, Miss Jenkins.

( mellow theme playing )

Hm. Get this, ha, instead of
landing on Runway 23...

( chuckling )

...I landed on Runway 32.

Ha. Boy, I bet the FAA
had a whale of a time

figuring that one out.

So you see?

Being a pilot does have
its lighter moments.

( sighs )

So are there
any questions?

Yeah.

Yeah. Is it possible
to actually die of boredom?

( laughs )

( bell rings )

Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, have I been
talking for the whole hour?

ALL:
Yes!

Let's thank Mr. Hackett,
everyone.

BOY: Yay.
( sparse clapping )

Heh.

Look, uh, I'm sorry but, uh...

I've got to run out.

I got to take a flight.

Thanks for
coming, Joe.

Well...

if I reached just one kid,
it'll be worth it.

That's
a big "if."

Bye-bye.
Bye, Joe.

Hope he uses the side exit.
( door closes )

I heard some of
the kids talking.

Oh. Well...

So it's, uh--

It's too bad you didn't get
a chance to speak.

I'd love to know how
you became a pilot.

Oh, well, uh--
You know, if you want

I could-- I could
always come back.

Oh. I'd like that.
How about tomorrow?

Great, great.

You know, it's a shame
we didn't get a chance

to catch up on the plane
yesterday.

Yeah, yeah. We really
should do that sometime.

( sighs )

The island has changed so much
since I've left.

Where are there good
places to eat?

Uh...actually,
there's a--

A great seafood place,

just opened up on the wharf.

You should try that.

Well, I hate to eat alone.

Yeah. Me too.

But you're in luck
because they have take-out.

Heh-heh.

Well, maybe I'm not
saying this right. Um...

Brian, would you like to have
dinner with me tonight?

Me?

You, heh-- You want to
have dinner with me?

Well...

Well, if I didn't know
any better,

I-- I'd swear you were
asking me out on a date.

I am.

( giggling )

Really?

That's okay, you're
probably busy.

No, no, no.
I-I'd love to have

dinner with you,
Miss Jenkins.

Call me Laura.

Laura.

( giggling ):
Wow!

So how about 7:30?
Should I pick you up?

No, no, no.
I'll pick you up.

Got my license now.

( upbeat theme playing )

You know...I thought-- I thought
I'd be really nervous

going back to
my old classroom.

But you know what?

You were a natural.
I was a natural.

And you know what
the best part was?

For the kids?
Probably the bell.

All right. Well, I guess
you just had to be there.

And I'm glad that
all the students

aren't as jaded as
you are, Helen.

Oh, my God.

Someone egged and toilet-papered
the house last night.

Miss Jenkins?

Oh, come on, Joe,
she's a teacher.

She never would have
misspelled "windbag."

Helen.

What? Oh, hi,
Miss Jenkins.

What are you
doing here?

Helen...
What?

I'm sorry. I-- I didn't know
anyone was here.

I just came down
to get some coffee.

I guess Brian
had an early flight.

What does Brian
have to do with--?

Hel-en.

Oh, no.

She and--
Oh, no.

No.

I'd better go.

Morning, Joe.
Morning, Helen.

Morning, Miss Jenkins.

Listen, uh, Joe,

I need you to sign
this check so I can get

a replacement turbine
for the plane.

All right. Uh, bye, Joe.

Bye, Helen.

Nice thighs, Miss Jenkins.

I should go.
( door closes )

Uh, no, no,
wait, wait, wait.

Look, um...
we-we're all adults...

Why don't--?
Yes, um... Yes,
please sit down.

Let's-- Let's
have some coffee.

So...

It's a...

it's a wonderful
morning, huh?
Oh.

Great morning.

Beautiful morning.

Mm. Wonderful coffee.

Great coffee.
Beautiful coffee.

Does anyone else
think

this is
a little awkward?

( upbeat theme playing )

I don't believe it.

Roy. What
happened?

I did a little
checking.

That Simon Says guy
is a scam artist.

He preys on
old ladies.

He tells them,
"Simon says, touch your nose,

"Simon says, touch your ear,

Simon says, sign over
your social-security checks."

( gasps )

Oh, that's horrible.

Um, you expect
behavior like that

from your more flashy types.

You know, your square dance
callers, your mambo instructors,

your male nurses.

I'm gonna go down to that home
right now and warn Mom.

Well, uh, now--
Break it to her gently.

Your mom's very
vulnerable right now.

I know.

She hasn't been this infatuated
with someone

since she thought Bob Dole
was sending her

coded love messages
on C-SPAN.

Hi-hi.
( sighs )

Hi.
Oh, Casey.
Casey, get over here.

You are not gonna
believe this

about Miss Jenkins.

What? What?

She slept with
Brian.

( laughs ):
Oh, my God.

Does this mean I'm no longer
her favorite student?

Well, I'd say Brian
had a leg up on you.

S-sleeping with
the teacher

is playing
with fire.

You know, in my high school,
if someone slept with,

say, Signorina Sabatino,
they would be

banished from the village, f--

Forced to come to America
and lead a bleak,

miserable existence...

driving a...

bus in St. Louis.

Well...see you.

( plane flying overhead )

What? What? What?

Hey.

What?!
Don't "what" me.

I want details.

I want to know
everything that happened

between you
and Miss Jenkins.

All right, Joe--
Don't "Joe" me.

You have a moral obligation.
You gotta tell me.

Well, I'm not going to,
all right?
Wait--

Look, look, listen.
Look, you're Columbus,

you've seen
the New World.

Come back to Spain,
tell the king.

Really, it was no big deal.

( laughs ):
No big deal?

You lived
a fantasy

of every boy
who ever took

ninth-grade English
at Sconset High.

Uh, listen to me, listen to me.

Uh, things didn't go the way
I had hoped with Miss Jenkins.

( scoffs ):
What are you
talking about?

Well, I had a little problem.

I-- I don't understand.

Joe, something happened to me

that never, ever
happened before.

Are you trying to
tell me

that you went to bed
with Miss Jenkins and--

That's right.

I got an incomplete.

( lively theme playing )

Hey, Brian, it's all right.
Don't worry about it.

It happens.

Oh, uh, please, don't give me
the "it happens" speech.

I gave you that speech once,
you remember that?

Hey. Come on, I was
taking cold medication.

I-I-I-I had a bad peach
for lunch.
Oh.

This is-- This is --
This is so embarrassing.

This never happens to me.

( sighs )
What am I gonna do?

Joey-- Joey, how
do you handle it?

What are you
asking me for?

I'm not an expert
on the subject.

It only happened once.

I hadn't slept for days.
Grandma just d*ed.

Oh.

How-- How am I ever
gonna face her again?

Look, you know, it--
It's not that big a deal.

I'm sure that
she'll understand.

Um, there's
nothing to...

be ashamed of--

I hope you don't mind,
but I can't look at you.

Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Thank you for your support.

Brian, I'm sorry.

All right, what did you
say to her this morning?

Nothing. I ran out of there
before she woke up.

At least your legs were working.

Sorry. Nothing. Um...

Brian, you've got to
talk to her.

I can't talk to--
She's a teacher.

She's gonna tell me how
I wasn't applying myself.

( groans )

Maybe what they said
on the report card was true:

"Doesn't work well
with others."

( groans )

Come on, Brian. You've
got to do something.

I mean, something
happened last night.

You can't just
leave it like this.
No way.

No way. I'm not
going near Miss Jenkins.

You mean, after today?

Huh? What are you
talking about?

You promised you'd talk
to her class, remember?

Oh! No, I forgot.
I forgot.

I'm not going.
I'm not going.

All right, look.

This is what
we're gonna do.

You take my flight,
I'll go talk to her class.

No. No, it wouldn't be fair.

Oh, come on, I don't mind.

I meant to the kids.

Hey. A few
hooligans

with eggs
and toilet paper

do not speak for
the whole class.

( playful theme playing )

( gasps )
Oh, uh, how'd it go

at the retirement
village?

Oh, yes. W-were you able
to stop your mother

from marrying that awful
Simon Says guy?

I didn't have to.

He backed out?

He d*ed.

( gasps )
Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

It happened
just before I got there.

The old guy was leading
a Simon Says game

when he collapsed.

On the way down, he yelled,
"Call an ambulance,"

but no one moved.

Oh-oh-oh, don't tell me.

That's right. He forgot
to say, "Simon says."

( chuckles )

Oh, Roy.
Oh, Roy!

That's awful.

Sorry.
( laughs )

( laughs )

Fay.

Hey, I-I-I'm ashamed
of you.

( laughs )

All right, that's enough.

Now, stop laughing.

I didn't say, "Simon says."

( all laughing )

( upbeat theme playing )

To see a world
in a grain of sand,

Or heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in
the palm of your hand,

Eternity in an hour.

Now, what did
William Blake mean by that?

Kenny?

Are those new shoes?

No, they're the same ones
you commented on last week.

( door opens )

Oh.

It appears Mr. Hackett
has shown up after all.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Ha-ha.

I am so, so, so,
so sorry.

Okay.

It's okay. Um, well,
we only have

a few minutes,
but, uh, perhaps

Mr. Hackett could answer
a few questions

about being
a pilot.

Ah, I'd be glad to.

Susie.

What made you
want to become a pilot?

Ah, well, um...

I've always been, uh,
very interested in flying,

and, uh, it's very
exciting, you know.

And, uh, besides, I already
had the flight jacket.

Oh, God help us.
His brother was the funny one.

Have you ever experienced...

equipment failure?

Equipment failure?

Why you
asking me that?

I mean, you didn't ask
my brother that question.

What have you heard?

Uh, Mr. Hackett...
No, no, no, no.

You-- You know what happens

when you experience
equipment failure?

You deal
with it.

You-- You try to
fix it, you know?

Doesn't mean-- Doesn't mean
that you never fly again.

Doesn't mean that
you're not a pilot.

Doesn't mean you're gay.

Thank you,
Mr. Hackett.

You've been
so informative.

( applause, bell rings )

Oh, thank God.

From now on...

no more pilots.

Well, well-- I-I-- I think
that went pretty well.

I think we need to talk.

I know.

Why did you run out
like that this morning?

I'm-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I was just really embarrassed.

Believe me, that has never,
ever, ever happened to me

in my entire life.

Oh, that makes me
feel better.

Oh, well, I-- I didn't
mean it that way.

Look, Brian, it's nothing
to be embarrassed about.

It happens.
Oh, no.

Not the "it happens"
speech.

Oh, you get that a lot?

Uh, no, no. No!

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Just because I was attracted to
a former student

didn't mean I had to
act on it.

No, no. No.
It was a good idea.

Laura, I'm--
I'm so attracted to you.

And we were having
a great time last night

up until...

the incident.

Couldn't we just
start over?

Well, I...

( giggling )

What's that?

What's what?

That goofy
schoolboy laugh.

That's what you did
last night.

I--? When?

Just b-- Before the--
The incident.

Well, uh, trust me,
that's, uh--

That's never gonna
happen again.

( giggling )

See, there it is again.

Yeah, I know.
I know.

I don't know where
it's coming from.

Oh. I think
I do, Brian.

You know, you can
never see me

as anything else
but your teacher.

Oh, that is
not true.

It's not gonna work, Brian.

Yes. Yes, it is.

We can make it work,
Miss Jenkins.

I'm s-- L-Laura.

No, Brian, you were right
the first time.

I will always be
Miss Jenkins to you.

Oh.
Oh, damn it.

I was really hoping
we could make this happen.

Me too.
Hm.

So now what?

Well, we go back to being
student and teacher.

All right.

Um...

may I walk you out to
your car, Miss Jenkins?

Yes. I'll just
erase the board.

( sighs )

( upbeat piano theme playing )