01x04 - Queen of France

[bunniefuu]

Uh-huh.

A perfect pair of testicles.

Uh-huh.

Everything exactly as it should be.

Why the hell didn't we do this
before?

I wasn't ready.

Well, is he ready now?

Most certainly, sire.

Good.

Good!

DOOR CLOSES

May I visit you this evening,
madam?

SHE GIGGLES

THEY SIGH

It is...

..our great pleasure to announce

that on the th of June,

the Dauphin and his wife

will make their first official
visit to Paris.

COLLECTIVE GASPS

This is your opportunity to
reassure the capital

that the future of our
beloved country

is in the safest of hands.

And I know that together...

..you will triumph.

THEY APPLAUD

Oh! Oh, my God.

We need help!

KNOCK AT DOOR

I must treat the King.

So you can stick leeches
all over his body?

I don't think so.

I'm the King's physician.

Take one step further
and I'll ram them down your throat.

DOOR SLAMS

SHE SIGHS

The man's a quack. Mm...

HE COUGHS

KNOCK AT DOOR

We want to see our father.
You can't keep him to yourself.

He's asleep.

Then we'll wait.

Outside.

DOOR SLAMS

KNOCK AT DOOR

What?!

We would like to visit papa.

He can't see anyone.

He is the heir and I am the spare.

We have a right to know
if the King is alive.

He's resting.
Send Louis in.

DOOR SHUTS

Come.

For heaven's sake, do sit down.

Are you prepared?

No.

KING CHUCKLES

Did you think I was immortal?

Hmm?

Hmm?
HE CHUCKLES

I was five...

..when I became King.

You...you are a man now, my boy.

HE INHALES SHARPLY

DOOR CLOSES

What did he say?

Did he speak to you?

Will he recover?

CLOCK CHIMES

When papa Roi croaks,
I will become Monsieur.

Won't I be Madame?

Try not to make a fool of yourself.

I have done everything you demanded
of me since my arrival.

What more do you want from me?

I expect you to support me as
I prepare for my future.

Our future?
What do you mean by that?

Oh, use your imagination, husband.

DOOR CREAKS

Louis.

Talk to me.

I can't do this.

Of course you can.

We will do it together.

An announcement will be made
shortly about the King's health.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Papa!

I'm back.

Are you feeling better?

You're going to have to wait
a little bit longer, my boy.

HE CHUCKLES

Now, let's go for lunch.

Yes! I'm famished.

I'm could eat a horse.
HE LAUGHS

You must be so happy.

Let's go.

Let's ride out to the
Petite Trienne.

Maybe... Mm?

..we can have a picnic.

Thank you.

What for?

HORSE WHINNIES

For being you.

How is Ross feeling?

Much stronger now.

HE GASPS

Is that a meal?

HE MOANS

The best medicine.

You gave me such a fright.

I thought I was going to lose you.

Me?

Or all of this?

How can you think such a thing?

Don't tell me you've never
thought about it.

Well, it may have crossed my mind.
Oh, yes.

HE LAUGHS

Perhaps there is a way I can protect
you, my love.

Do you want one?

Ready?

Ya-hoo.

THEY CHUCKLE

You couldn't paint a more
beautiful picture.

So peaceful.

The Petite Trienne was built for the
King's favourite.

Have you chosen...your favourite?

Good to see you on fighting form,
Franc.

HE CHUCKLES

Papa was in rude health.

Well, I hope she uses her finger
bowl when she finishes.

CLEARS THROAT

GLASS RINGS

This afternoon...

..I proposed...

..to Madame du Barry.

SHE COUGHS

And she...

..accepted.

After we are married, the Countess
will exercise all the prerogatives

of a queen during my lifetime.

And as my widow, after I am gone...

..she will come first.

How can the King of France
marry his whore?

The King...

..can do whatever he likes.

Congratulations.
Ah, thank you.

Papa, how could you?

She is an abomination.

An insult to the memory
of our dead mother.

You can't marry her!

You must choose, Madames.

Accept her as my wife...

or retire from court.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Sorry to keep you waiting, Madame.

DOOR CLOSES

There's no secret that the French
detest the Austrians.

You will have to move heaven and
Earth to show the Parisians

that you are a French princess.

Should I wrap
myself in the fur delis?

SHE CHUCKLES

You must display French manners.

French elegance...

DOOR OPENS

..and...French style.

La robe a la Francaise.

Oh!

Take it away.

Oh, no, put those back.
I rather like them.

What are you doing?

Weren't you told?

Told what?

You're moving upstairs into the
eaves with your wife.

The two of you will be cosy up
there, don't you think?

This is my apartment!

These are my possessions.

This will make the perfect dressing
room when I become queen.

There is a noose around your neck,
du Barry.

One false move, and I'll be first
in line to kick away the stool.

Mm.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

SHE EXHALES

I can't wait to see you all.

Mademoiselle Bertin.

The Princess de Lombard?

Oh, Princess.

And the Dauphine.

Of course.

Of course.

We love your style.

It's your attention to detail.

Look at this, Antoinette.

Isn't that charming?

I am preparing for my visit
to Paris.

Oh, yes, I know all about that.

So...

..will you design my dress
for me?

Well, I am preparing for
the royal wedding.

That must take precedence over
everything else.

An honour to make your acquaintance
little Dauphine, Princess.

It's a masterpiece.

He's a man of many talents.

Thank you, sire.

And Beaumarchais looks after all
of my personal affairs.

And he will be here to assist you
when...the time comes.

The escapement is...is minuscule.

I invented it myself.

HE CHUCKLES

Are you listening to me, boy?

What are the dimensions?

Because I've seen one that
I think...

Are you preparing for your future?

Yes.

Then when are you going to
f*ck your wife?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Something is sticking in my back.

It's the mattress and the pillows.

It's... I can't sleep here.

This is an outrage.

Can't we do something about it?

What would you suggest?

I think it's time we made our
announcement.

Mademoiselle Bertin.

Little Dauphine?

History is not kind to losers.

I'm the future.
She is the past.

You choose.

You do have a flair for design.

Hmm.

How are the plans for your big day,
Little Dauphine?

You must be worried about your
outfit.

Parisians can be so nasty if you
don't meet their exacting standards.

I'm used to nasty people.

I could ask Bertin to lend you
her apprentice.

Perhaps she could zhuzh
you up a bit.

A flounce here, a fur below there.

Don't push your luck.

I don't need luck.

I've got the King.

Your arms down.

Where's the princess?

SHE SIGHS

DOOR OPENS

Ah.

So sorry I'm late.

Erm, you're not permitted to come
into the Dauphine's bedchamber.

Only members of the nobility have
the right of entry.

Follow me. This way.

Where are you taking them?

To my private apartment. No...

You must be dressed in public,
madam.

Must I?

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

THEY SCREAM DELIGHTEDLY

CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES

THEY GIGGLE

Oh!

You look exquisite, madam.

Never forget that you are an
Austrian archduchess.

Why they hate me for being Austrian?

BELL CHIMES

We want to see the royal couple!

Come on!

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

INDISTINCT CHATTER

SHE BREATHES RAGGEDLY

I think it's her.
Come on!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BUILDS

They're cheering for you, madam.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE INTENSIFIES

SHE LAUGHS

Hello!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

Hello!

WILD CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS

SHE LAUGHS

Meet Saint-Georges.

Oh, I love a party.

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

Hello.
Good evening.

MUSIC CONTINUES

MUSIC FADES

SHE INHALES SHARPLY

SOFT MUSIC PLAYS

Where is she?

Over there.

Who's she dancing with?

That is Count Axel von Fersen.

He dances well.

He's Swedish, they all dance well.

CLEARS THROAT

May I?

Of course.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

THEY APPLAUD

Thank you.

Have you tried our macarons?

Mm...

Delicious.

Aren't they going to
congratulate us?

There is something we should
mention.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, shall I?
Go ahead.

Oh, it's a little early to talk
about it,

but we wanted you to be the
first ones to know.

We're expecting a new arrival.

At last!

The next Bourbon heir.

You going to congratulate us,
brother?

I'm pleased for you both.

Yes, yes.

It's...wonderful.

Wonderful. Congratulations.

Yes, yes, congratulations.
Wonderful!

Thank you.

I have been suffering
morning sickness.

She won't stop going on about it.

I would like to visit you this
evening, madam. Yes.

Come to me after supper.

If Josephine can get pregnant,
so can I.

FOOTSTEPS RECEDE

The King has been taken ill.

HE GROANS

Franc, Franc, it's me.

HE MOANS

I'll get help, Franc.

HE WHIMPERS

LOCK CLICKS

LOCK CLICKS

HE GROANS

My head.

Yes. My head...

I'll take care of you.

HE GROANS

I can't, I can't breathe.

Can you...can you, please?

SHE EXHALES Oh...

SHE BREATHES RAGGEDLY

Was that right?

No...

I don't think so.

Should we, uh...
Should we try it again?

Yes. Yeah.

Wait.

May I?

Yeah.

Ready? Ready?

Mm-hm.

Mm...

SHE WINCES

Sorry. No, no.

Don't stop, don't stop,
don't stop, keep going.

SHE WINCES

SHE MOANS

No! No, stop, stop, stop.

Stop.

We tried to consummate our marriage.

It was not a success.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Monsieur, it's the King.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Go away, you can't come in.

Please open the door, Countess.

Return to your apartments and
lock yourselves in.

The King has smallpox.

SHE GASPS

HE MOANS SOFTLY

I must speak to him,
I must meet him.

They have to let me in,
they have to let me in.

No! They have to let me in.
I need to tell him something.

You can't, you can't go.

I need to tell him something.

I can go for you.

I've had the disease.

HE BREATHES SHALLOWLY

I have brought a message...

..from your grandson.

He wants you to know...

..that he is ready...
to wear the crown.

Oh...

You...

Will you...

What?

Will you look after...

..my sweet boy?

Yes, I will.

Of course.

And be kind...

..to Madame du Barry?

Grant her...some dignity.

HE MURMURS

Can you...can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Yes. Little Dauphine...
Yes.

Can you hear... Ssh.

Mm... Ssh...

Amen...

Amen.

I, poor sinner,

plead guilty before God for...

..for all my sins.

There are those whom I have
sought to hurt...

..but what troubled me most,

if God is his love...

..then I...

I...

I have...

I...

I have...

His Majesty has asked Almighty
God to pardon his offences,

and the scandalous example
he has set to his people

by living with a...
fallen woman.

Should God grant him good health
again...

..he will spend the remainder of his
life in repentance for his sins

and for the good of his subjects.

Amen.

ALL: Amen.

KNOCK AT DOOR

KNOCK AT DOOR

The King is dead.

Long live the King.

ALL: Long live the King.

May God guide us and protect us.

Are you sure?
Yes.

Congratulations.

A battle well fought.

I think we have more in common than
you realise.

We're two women trying to survive
in this vicious world.

Well, you didn't make it any easier.

No.

Good luck.

EMOTIVE MUSIC

EMOTIVE MUSIC CONTINUES

MUSIC BUILDS TO CRESCENDO

MUSIC SOFTENS