4x06 - Easy J

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here.

Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the Manhattan's elite.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Are you kidding me? Hey, you again.

Tell me why you're drinking alone, and I'll you anything you want.

I thought I could start over, but it turns out college is just high school with more expensive books.

Now I'm in with Serena, and I can find something even bigger to take her down with.

I better not find out that this was about protecting Nate.

If you're falling for him I'm not.

You sure about this? The Captain is being charged with embezzlement and fraud.

There's a different way to get our lives back, dad, one that doesn't require another felony.

You be a man and you turn yourself in.

The moment you slept with Jenny Humphrey that was the best thing that ever happened to me because I got over you.

If that's the truth, then why haven't you told anyone about Jenny? You wouldn't.

I need to get an interview for someone who will be applying to Parsons.

Her name's Jenny Humphrey.

and who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

Hello? Somebody there? Who's there? ? 38 00:01: 00:01:48,607 I know it's you, Chuck! Aah! Help! Somebody help! They say waking up is hard to do Especially when you're not alone.

* Goldie was a tiny dancer * * She'd say, "hold me closer" * * Eyes filled with words of love * *Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh * * I remember every * * Silver teardrop * What have we here? Bed unslept in, hair in missionary disarray, and yesterday's dress with today's shame all over it.

No shame.

For your information, we just stayed up talking all night.

Oh.

So does this chatty insomniac have a name? Colin.

The cab stealer.

Oh, well, you showed him.

It turns out he actually has some redeeming qualities.

He's handsome in an old Hollywood way.

He's smart.

And even though he's a businessman, he's more interested in talking about Lichtenstein and Warhol, which he collects, by the way.

So what are you doing here? He also collects women that he puts into cabs a new one each morning and I'm not gonna be one of them.

I won't be.

What's wrong with you? You look exhausted.

Ugh.

I had another Chuck nightmare.

It was awful.

I was in "wait until dark.

" And I knew that he was there, just lying in wait like in real life.

But then when he att*cked me, he turned out to be a she.

Like Chuck in drag or an actual girl? I don't know! I was blind.

Well, it makes sense you're dreaming about being att*cked ever since Chuck declared w*r.

I guess.

But then why a girl? And that hair so long and B.

, hey, can we talk about this on our way to school? Without the cab stealer, I have no excuse for being late for a class, and I promised the dean I'd be a model student.

Uh, I'm gonna meet you there.

There's something I need to do first.

Okay.

Hey, man.

What are you doing up so early? Oh, just visiting my dad.

Thought I'd check in.

You okay? Yeah, well, Vanessa went to stay with her folks for a while so Sorry, man.

Probably for the best, though, right? Yeah, I suppose.

I guess part of her just believes that I'll always be in love with Serena no matter what I say.

Yeah.

Crazy.

So, uh, what about you? How was your big night with Juliet? Totally worth the wait.

At least I thought so.

Huh? What do you mean? This morning, she bolted.

She said she couldn't skip class.

So? So I thought she'd want to hang.

You know, maybe have breakfast at Tom's, stay in bed all day.

I don't know.

Right, well, I'm gonna ignore the fact that you have the best problems ever, and tell you just not to read too much into it.

I know this might come as a shock, but maybe she didn't want to skip class.

All right.

I gotta go.

Talk to you later.

Juliet? Nate? Hey.

Oh, so the campus crusade continues? You haven't punished Blair enough for driving Eva away? As I told her, I've hardly begun.

Besides, I actually like it here.

Chuck.

From what I hear, they've got someone big to replace Martha for the psychology of business lecture.

Apparently, he's fortune 500.

I'm curious to meet the man, see what lessons there are to be learned.

Speaking of, where's Blair? Don't tell me she threw in the towel after just one round? She'll be here.

Uh, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sit with them.

From what I hear, badminton players know how to handle a shuttlecock.

Hold the door, please.

Colin.

Hey.

What are you doing here? This is psychology of business, right? Yeah, but Oh, no.

Don't tell me you're The new professor.

I take it from your less than glowing enthusiasm that you are now one of my Students.

Yes.

They say life is full of surprises, that our dreams really can come true.

Hello? Then again, so can our nightmares.

Anybody there? Welcome home, Jenny Humphrey.

We've missed you.

Blair, whatever you're about to do, my dad and lily are gonna be home any minute.

Not to worry, Little J.

This is going to be a very short conversation.

I let you walk away after you whored yourself out to Chuck because I assumed you were smart enough never to come back.

I might've been willing to make exceptions for holidays, birthdays, health emergencies of immediate family members, but I don't believe any of those scenarios apply.

Blair, I'm just here for one day.

I have an interview with Tim Gunn, and if everything goes well, then he'll write me a recommendation letter for Parsons.

Parsons is still in Manhattan, is it not? Lower Manhattan.

It's a hundred blocks away from the Upper East Side semantics.

You were banished.

If people think I'm not a woman of my word, the whole system could break down.

Look, Blair, I'm not looking to destabilize your social order.

You know how much fashion means to me, and Parsons is the school for it.

I'll call you a car to take you back to Hudson and wait while you pack.

How about a day pass? I promise I'll leave directly after my interview.

And, you know, who knows if Tim Gunn's even gonna like my work? But either way, I promise I won't set foot in Manhattan for the rest of the year, not even Christmas.

Jenny-free holiday season.

It's been on my wish list for quite some time.

Amnesty till midnight.

Thank you.

I'm not done.

There are terms.

See no one, speak to no one, and don't step foot outside this apartment except for your interview.

Fine.

Good-bye, Little J.

I look forward to never seeing you again.

So Running into each other at a prison.

That's kind of awkward.

Yeah, especially because you said you were going to class.

Were you following me or something? No.

No, I wasn't following you, okay? I'm visiting my dad.

He's in for fraud and embezzlement.

He just got transferred down from upstate.

Oh, my God.

Why didn't you tell me? Well, it's usually not a part of my "a" game pillow talk.

I mean, it was in all the papers.

I thought you might know, and and I wouldn't have to talk about it.

No, I-I didn't.

I'm sorry.

I wasn't living in the city then.

No, it's okay.

It's nice to actually have someone to talk to who might understand.

So who are you here for? Your brother you were telling me about? No.

I'm a volunteer For the prison literacy program.

Why didn't you just tell me that this morning? Look, all I wanted to do was stay in bed with you, and I don't know.

I guess I just felt weird bailing on you for some convicts.

Like you said, not exactly the best pillow talk.

Well, I think it's great you do something like that.

All right, I gotta get going before my dad wonders where I am.

But, um, is it cool if I swing by later, check out your class? Oh, no.

Um I just got a text message saying that my session was canceled.

I'll see you back in the city? Okay.

Hey.

You are never going to believe who's back in town.

What's wrong? Our new psychology of business professor is Colin, the guy from last night.

Cab guy? What are the odds? I can't believe this is happening.

I'm already on thin ice with the dean.

What am I supposed to do? Nothing.

You make sure that he knows that there will be no more cuddling or art talk and that you expect to be treated exactly the same as if the two of you had never met.

I really like him, though.

But I'll talk to him.

Office hours! Not his apartment! Bye.

Bye.

Did you happen to know that Jenny Humphrey was back on my island? Really? She must have a lot of nerve, considering you banned her from the city.

If people found out she defied you they won't.

And let me remind you, I sent her packing for both of our sakes.

If it was ever made public that you had a dangerous liaison with a teenage Brooklynite who also technically is your stepsister, you'd be socially guillotined.

Well, I'd be mad to have anything to do with her return then, wouldn't I? Arthur, pull the car around.

It's time to make the stop I requested.

Reporting for duty! I need you three little pigs to huff and puff over to the Van Der Woodsens'.

You're on stakeout.

Jenny Humphrey is back.

She's violating your order to exile? I gave her a day pass, but she is not to move one inch outside that building without me knowing.

Got it? Nothing could be more entertaining than bottle blonde recon.

But we'll still dying to know why you deported Jenny in the first place.

Yours is not to wonder why.

Yours is to do or die.

Go! I can't believe I didn't know you were coming back.

Well, I'm only here for a day.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

If dad put out a spread like this every time you came home, I'd be inviting you more often.

Thanks? Well, these are so lovely.

I can see why Tim Gunn is dying to meet with you.

Are you kidding? He knows what I do.

Parsons would be lucky to have her.

Hey, how about, uh, dinner at Babbo tonight, celebrate us all being back together? Um, I'd actually kinda rather stay in, if that's okay.

Um, dad's chili? What? When have you ever passed up Babbo? Yeah, I know, but I have a, um, a couple finishing touches to do on my dresses, so if you guys will excuse me I'm sorry, Rufus, but the chili the smell, it lingers.

What? Must be the cumin.

Okay, so what's really going on? Well, Blair stopped by with her welcome wagon.

I don't know why I thought I could sneak back in for a day, but Well, how did she know you were here before I did? She's the wicked witch of the Upper East Side.

You know, I'm sure one of her monkeys spotted me getting off the train or something.

But it's fine.

She's giving me a day pass as long as I don't see or talk to anyone.

That's ridiculous.

Yeah, it is 100% vintage crazy-ass Blair.

But really, though, I mean, I have no interest in going back to being g.

I.

Jenny and warring with Blair.

How very Gandhi of you.

But in case eastern philosophy does fail you, how about I meet you downtown after my class and I can escort you back up here? Thanks, but really, the only person I have to worry about today is Tim Gunn.

Hello? Is anybody home? Chuck.

It's all right.

I'll deal with him.

What are you doing here, Chuck? Oh.

I heard Jenny was back.

I wanted to speak with her.

And say what? "I'm sorry for taking advantage of you "and letting my psycho ex-girlfriend run you out of town"? Something like that, except without the sarcasm.

Yeah, well, I think I can deliver that message, and I think you can find the elevator.

Oh, how can I argue with Big Brother? I'll just grab these blueprints lily left for me.

I'll let you get back to your Hemingway complex.

You know, I almost respect this side to you, Humphrey.

Tell Jenny I said hello, and I'm truly sorry.

Hey.

Oh.

You raced out of class pretty fast.

Was I that boring? Come to think of it, you raced off pretty fast this morning as well.

Well, I know the routine.

I wanted to save you the effort of walking me out and hailing me a cab.

Does that mean you think last night was a mistake? The opposite, actually.

I had a lot of fun last night, which is why I didn't want you to think I was one of your usual conquests.

You made that pretty clear last night when you declined to be conquered.

All of this, however, was before I found out you were my professor.

And relationships with faculty are strictly forbidden, and I-I don't want last night to affect how you treat me as a student.

I've gotta say, that didn't sound very heartfelt.

Wanna try it again with a little more conviction? I've said what I needed to say.

You can have the t.

A.

Mark my papers.

May I offer a counterproposal? I have to go to this party tonight for "the New York observer.

" I'm getting some kind of eligible bachelor award.

Will you come with me? Wouldn't bringing a date make you ineligible for an award like that? Maybe having you on my arm would be honor enough.

If I give up my bachelor title and commit to getting to know you better, maybe you could put off mastering the psychology of business for another semester? Well, it's not like business is my major.

And it's still the add/drop period, so I'll pick you up.

The messenger's picking them up so that the models can get fitted, okay? Of course.

I tell him extra careful, special delivery.

All right.

Thanks, Vanya.

Why are you calling me? I understand your reluctance to ever speak to me again.

And I don't wanna bother you.

I was picking up some Bass Industries blueprints earlier, and it seems I mistakenly took your portfolio.

Chuck, I don't know what type of game you're playing, but my interview's in an hour.

You have to bring it back right now.

I would, of course, but I'm heading into a meeting I can't reschedule.

Can you swing by the empire? No! I'm not supposed to go anywhere but my interview, and I definitely can't see you.

So you won't have to.

I left it at the front desk with my concierge.

Good luck today.

No, Chuck! * She was made to blow you away * * She don't care * * What any man say * Spotted B.

's disciples hot on Little J.

's tail.

* But keep your mouth shut * * Or it's * Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! This is fun.

And hopefully it's about to get more so.

* Well, now she's long * Follow that cab! * Long gone * Don't tell me you lost her.

Watch out, J.

break a deal with the devil We didn't.

She just walked into the empire.

* She's long gone like Moses through the corn * I need the address of Tim Gunn's studio.

And there will be hell to pay.

Dan, you didn't have to meet me here.

Besides, I'm already late.

I was in the neighborhood.

But this is Veronica, and she was out here waiting for you.

Oh, sorry.

Hi.

I'm Jenny Humphrey.

I had a couple last-minute organizational issues.

No problem, Jenny.

But the models are already inside getting dressed, and Mr.

Gunn is on a very tight schedule today.

Uh, wish me luck? I don't have to.

I mean, admittedly, you're my sister, and I love you, so I'm biased.

But if you can take Blair in stride today, Tim Gunn will be a piece of cake.

Don't tell him I said that.

Okay.

Thank you.

All right.

I'll be out here waitin' for ya.

Collect call from a correctional facility.

Do you accept these charges? Yes.

Ben, I'm so glad you called.

Where were you today? I came, but Nate I thought I told you to stop seeing him.

His father's in prison with you.

What? Don't they make you do your homework at Columbia? I did, but he just transferred, and I bumped into Nate outside.

Don't worry.

I made something up.

You're wrong about him, you know.

I mean, we we talked.

And he's not like the others.

He might actually understand.

Understand what exactly? That your Big Brother's in prison? Maybe.

But what happens when he starts asking questions about why? You think he's gonna understand then? I don't know.

I just I don't want to lie to him anymore.

Maybe you're right.

I've put a lot on you.

You're my little sister.

You deserve to be happy.

Thank you For understanding.

All right, I've gotta get back, but I'll call you later.

Hey, you know a new guy in here, last name Archibald? Introduce me?

Hey, mom.

Serena! What a lovely surprise.

What brings you back to the homestead? Don't tell me word reached you that Rufus is making his famous chili.

Jenny's in town.

Hmm.

Guess she forgot to call.

Well, I know you two haven't exactly been the best of friends in the past, but maybe that can change now that you've had some time apart.

Well, as much as I would love to bond with her, I actually have plans special plans that involve me raiding my mother's jewelry box.

Those are special plans.

Well, let's see what we can do.

Oh.

Hey, what are you reading? Oh, it's just a book by one of my professors.

But I'm "Winner!" By Colin Forrester.

"A must-read for 21st century C.

E.

O.

S.

" Serena, I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you taking such a challenging course just right out of the gate.

Honestly, after the year that you've had, it's wonderful to see you thinking about your future instead of focusing on boys.

Thanks, mom.

Mm.

All right, let's go find something that sparkles, huh? Especially for someone so young.

Oh, thank you.

I yeah, fashion's pretty much the only thing I've ever cared about.

So you interned with Eleanor Waldorf.

Love her.

Then you left to start your own line.

That was bold.

Yeah, in retrospect, it was probably a little too bold.

I didn't exactly leave on great terms, and then my new business partner set all of my dresses on fire, so Oh, my.

But you must've patched things up with Eleanor because I see you worked together again last year.

And then you just left town? Uh Well, there was a-a conflict with a different Waldorf.

But I can assure you that all of that's behind me now.

I think that these dresses really express my take on young women today our sense of self-confidence and self-worth.

Well, let's take a look.

Okay.

This is quite a statement, Jenny.

Um, no we're done.

Uh, that part is not let's get ready for the next appointment.

Uh, no, I'm confidence and self-worth? I don't know if this is your idea of a joke, but it's not funny.

It's not a joke.

I'm so sorry.

This isn't how I'll show you the way out.

Mr.

Gunn, please ladies, you may leave.

Blair, uh, I don't know what you're doing here, but whatever it is, it's not gonna work, 'cause Jenny's already inside.

Oh.

I came for the after party.

Blair! How could you?! Jenny, wait.

What what happened? She totally humiliated me and destroyed my collection.

You broke the terms of our agreement.

Here.

There's a 5:00.

Spotted Little J.

having a fashion emergency.

Looks like B.

drew blood.

Chuck.

Before you say anything, I'm only calling because I saw "Gossip Girl.

" I wondered if I might be able to offer some assistance.

Well, unless it's a m*rder-su1c1de, I think I'll pass.

So dramatic.

You should be a writer.

Tim Gunn is being honored at "The Observer's" new yorkers of the year party tonight at the boom boom room.

Why don't you two accompany me? Surely Jenny can find a quiet moment to plead her case.

And why should I actually believe that you're trying to help us here? It would be my way of making amends to Jenny.

Why don't you run it by the brains of the operation? I can't imagine her wanting Blair to win this one.

Chuck can get us into "the observer" party, and Tim Gunn's gonna be there.

Well, it's not like Blair can do anything worse to me.

But what about dinner with dad? Tell your sister I'll leave tickets for the whole family.

I look forward to seeing you at the festivities.

Careful, Little J.

Queen B.

doesn't grant second chances.

She att*cks at first sight.

You look incredible.

Thank you.

Maybe we should walk in separately.

You having second thoughts? No.

No, no.

I just I talked to my mom today, and she's so proud of me for taking your class.

I don't want her to read that I'm dropping it in "the New York times.

" Well, why don't you just tell her? Because she'll think I'm choosing a man over my future again.

You know what? If it's okay with you, I'm just gonna meet you upstairs.

Lily.

Ivanka.

Rufus.

Hey, Jared, great.

Good to see you.

You are a vision.

Oh, thank you both for coming.

Pleasure to be here.

Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, r.

I.

S.

D.

Has a great fashion program.

We are not letting you give up on Parsons.

Come on.

I-I have a Blair-shaped target on my back.

Oh, you want to be Gandhi? Now's your chance.

Let's go find Tim Gunn.

Mom, hey! What are you doing here? Mmm.

What happened to chili night? Change of plan.

Uh, Dan and Jenny wanted to come, so we all did.

Great.

Is that your professor? Who? Colin Forrester.

I recognize him from his jacket photo which, incidentally, does not do him any justice.

One more, Colin.

Um, mom, about that I know, how important it is to you that I take his class oh, it's not the class I care about.

I am just so proud of the student you're becoming, your new focus.

I know, but just Serena, I ducked the press line.

Tell your mother that I am crazy about you, that I might be your future, and I don't care who knows.

Sorry.

Colin Forrester.

Lily Humphrey, formerly Van Der Woodsen.

Serena's mother Who heard everything loud and clear.

Status report.

Jenny didn't get on the train.

She's at "the observer" party.

We followed her here.

This isn't just belligerency.

It's insurgency.

Why would she risk escalating my wrath? Tim Gunn is here.

Of course.

An eleventh hour appeal.

Don't let her out of your sight.

I'm on my way.

Well, the boom boom room is a private club, and we're having trouble with the door guy.

Can you help? Penelope, this isn't congress.

Accomplish something.

Ladies.

Good to see you.

All on a go-see, see who you like, who you'd like to have through the line, and, um, if that works out for you, we could Mr.

Gunn? Hi.

Jenny Humphrey.

Jenny.

Of course.

Um, I'm I'm really sorry to bother you.

I just I didn't get a chance to explain earlier that my dresses weren't supposed to be like that, with the the paint and the letters.

Oh, dear.

What happened? I-it's a long story.

But, um, I just I really needed you to know that that's not who I am or what my work's about.

And I would really do anything for a second chance.

I think I can arrange for another interview.

And don't let your dresses out of your sight.

All right.

Thank you.

You know, when Veronica told me that Chuck Bass wanted us to meet wait.

Chuck called you? Really? No inmates by that name? All right.

Well, um, thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

What is it? I know this sounds a little crazy, but after our talk this morning, I thought maybe your brother was an inmate, and you were just too embarrassed to tell me, so I called over there.

You called the prison? Yeah, and I'm sorry.

I was just being paranoid, and it's not an excuse, but I have a history of believing girls when I shouldn't.

I just wanna make sure we're totally open with each other.

I know.

I-I want the same thing.

In fact That's why I came over.

There are some things that I need to tell you about me, and and my family.

Wait one second.

It's the prison.

Hello? Yes.

Wait, wait.

What? Are you sure? Of course.

I'll come right over.

Is everything okay? No.

My dad's been jumped by some inmates, and he's in the infirmary.

Nate.

I gotta go.

I'll call you later, okay? Lily! Isaac! Hi! Mwah.

It is wonderful to see you.

So good to see you.

Of course you're being honored tonight.

Thank you.

Rufus, this is Isaac Mizrahi.

Hello, Isaac.

Hello.

Jenny, hey.

I saw you walk away from Tim Gunn.

What happened? Just like old times, huh, J.

? What are you guys doing here? Question is, what are you doing here? Or do you want that dress messed up, too? Leave me alone.

We don't make the rules, J.

We just enjoy enforcing them.

But there is one thing we don't understand what a pathetic nobody like you could've done to Blair Waldorf to get her so riled up we had to play follow the loser all day.

Wait.

You guys don't know why Blair hates me? Besides the obvious? No one does.

Blair's here.

You're in trouble now.

We'll see who's in trouble.

Jenny.

Jenny, whatever you're thinking of doing they won't stop.

Why should I? Move! I have a Humphrey to squash.

Looking to paint the town red? I don't know what you've heard, but it isn't your concern.

Unless It is.

You've been behind this the whole time, haven't you? You got Jenny the interview with Tim Gunn, and you made sure that your friend-with-no-benefits stopped by the empire just to defy me.

I told you I wouldn't rest until you were destroyed.

Inviting your old sparring partner back was just my way of avoiding doing all the dirty work myself.

Jenny always had a talent for making your life a living hell.

You've gone too far.

Bringing Jenny back puts both of our reputations at risk.

I love to watch you squirm.

The pleasure I get from witnessing your shame is considerable.

But I doubt Jenny will talk.

She thinks she's above it all, but little Humphrey still cares what people think.

Looks like New York's best kept secret is finally out.

Turns out Little J.

didn't lose her V.

card to Damien Dalgaard.

She waited and chucked it away with her stepbrother.

Guess that explains the Humphrey in Hudson.

Hell hath no fury like a Waldorf scorned.

It's obviously not true.

Jenny put out the blast so that She would humiliate me.

Tell them that she's lying.

Give it up, Blair.

Everyone knows I did and who I gave it to.

Looks like the joke's on Chuck and Blair, and Little J.

's got the last laugh.

Hey.

You okay? I'm not quite sure what just happened in there, but it it, uh, seems all bad.

It's a matter of degree.

I mean, I'm a little embarrassed that the entire world knows I lost it to Chuck Bass.

But did you see their faces? I mean, Blair looked like she might cry.

Well, so much for zen Jenny Humphrey.

Come on, Dan.

I just did what needed to be done.

It's what Blair and Chuck would've done.

Jen, I was proud of you for moving on, but if this is what you've become after just a day back, maybe Blair was right after all, and maybe you should go back to Hudson.

I met Colin before he started teaching, but I'm gonna drop his class Monday so there aren't any further problems.

Oh, Serena, please, you don't need to apologize.

I get it.

Wait.

You're not mad at me? Well, I understand the lure of a powerful man like Colin.

I married Bart Bass, remember? It's fine.

And to be honest, they can make your life so much easier.

Well, it's not about that.

Well, we both know you would have moved on to classes more your speed eventually.

You don't think I could've handled a business class? Well, we'll never know now, will we? Darling, I'm just trying to be supportive and realistic.

A pretty girl like you could get the attention of a Colin Forrester even without an education.

So why even bother? Lil, I think you may have taken this tough love a little too literally this time.

Well, um, after Serena left this afternoon, I bought Colin's book, and on chapter 16, it talks about reverse psychology.

Nothing I've done so far has gotten through, so I thought I'd try something new.

Oh.

Dad.

Nate.

Are you okay? What happened? No idea.

I was reading in the library one minute, and the next minute, somebody was taking batting practice with a dictionary.

Do you know who it was? Do you have a problem with someone? I've never seen 'em before.

Hey.

Are they giving you anything? No.

Don't worry.

I'm still on the wagon.

I told 'em nothing stronger than a Tylenol.

Did you let your mother know? Yeah.

I let her know.

I'm sure if she knew how bad it was, she would come down.

Nate, it's okay.

I gave up on your mother visiting a long time ago.

This wasn't exactly what she signed up for.

Yeah, well, whatever happened to "in good times and bad"? I don't know.

I spent most of our marriage focused on "for richer or poorer.

" I just wish she could see how great you're doing now Present situation excluded.

Now you can see it.

That's enough for now.

Nothing I can do about the rest till I get parole.

Well, just try and stay safe until then.

You know, no reading.

Tell me again about that girl you like.

Thank you, Jared, and thank you, Ivanka, for marrying Jared and giving someone else the chance to win "bachelor" this year.

This is quite an honor, but one I would gladly give up for the right woman Mom, let's go.

If I'm ever lucky enough to meet her.

Anyway, um, thank you all Are you happy now that you've humiliated both of us? Check your own bloody hands, lady MacBeth.

What did you think would happen when you played "Carrie" with her dresses? I only did it because you lured her back here to t*rture me.

I warned you I wouldn't stop.

And thanks to your vendetta, we both lost, and Jenny Humphrey won.

If you've come to gloat, I would relish the moment.

It will be fleeting.

You're right, because I'm leaving.

Despite what happened today, I can't b*at you.

In order to b*at you, I'd have to become you, and I'm better than that.

At least I wanna be.

Nice try, Jenny.

We know that you're just scared and trying to save face.

You two used to be in love, and together you were invincible.

But now that you've turned against each other, it's just a matter of time before your mutual destruction.

And when that happens, maybe I'll think about coming home, but for now, good-bye, good riddance, and good luck.

We hear Little J.

Gave Chuck and Blair a good-bye kiss Of death.

Come in.

Hello? Hey, what are you doing here? I was just gonna leave a note under your door.

It explains everything.

Sorry.

I thought you'd be out celebrating your bachelorhood, putting a new girl into a cab.

Actually, I'm working on my lecture for Monday's class.

Really? You got me thinking, if my class is so important to you, maybe I should try a little harder to make it worth your while.

Fewer models and martinis, more footnotes and flowcharts.

I know you need to figure out what you wanna do with your life, Serena.

I've been there.

Believe me.

And if my course can help, that's great.

But it's only seven weeks.

Meaning? We can still get to know each other As teacher and student.

By the book? I'm willing to wait if you are.

Well then, teacher, I'll see you Monday.

And don't even think about leaving an apple on my desk.

You've got no sh*t at being teacher's pet.

Seriously, Dan, you don't have to ride with me all the way to the border.

Pretty sure I'm safe now.

Besides, I'm leaving, like Blair wanted.

No, no, I'm not guarding you.

I'm just, uh, just hanging out.

I'm really proud of you, Jen.

Thanks.

Although I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to come back to the Upper East Side without morphing into everything I hate about myself.

Oh, give it some time.

Let your Brooklyn D.

N.

A.

guide you to righteousness.

Well, if it's your D.

N.

A.

that I share, then maybe I have a chance.

Yeah.

Thanks for being a good brother.

They say w*r's not the answer.

But sometimes it's a battle just to keep the peace.

If you're here to deliver any further humiliation, Dorota can sign for it.

Jenny was right.

If we keep going, we both end up dead, and I like myself too much to let that happen.

I assume you feel the same.

About myself? More.

What do you suggest? A truce.

Why don't you just skywrite the word "double-cross"? It'd be more subtle.

Look, we can keep blaming each other for what happened that night, or we can admit a harder truth it was no one's fault.

It was fate.

Tragedy.

If Serena hadn't kissed Dan, then Nate wouldn't have been at the hospital looking for her, and Jenny wouldn't have come looking for Nate.

If Dorota hadn't gone into labor Maybe everything would be different.

But it's not.

We're holding on to the pain because it's all we have left.

But we don't have to.

We have a choice.

Truce.

You can see yourself out.

I know the way.

* Just gonna stand there and hear me cry * * But that's all right * * because I love the way you lie * * I love the way you lie * * I can't tell you what it really is * * I can only tell you what it feels like, and right now * On the Upper East Side, you may stand down, but you can never give up.

And the bitterest feuds are always labors of love.

Hi.

Hi.

I just got home.

Can you come over? I don't think so.

My dad's gonna be okay.

Thanks for asking.

I'm glad, but, Nate But what? Oh, God, this is so hard.

Okay, well, let me make it easy for you.

You find out that Nate Archibald's dad's a jailbird, and you decide you can do better, or maybe you already have.

Nate, please, you're different than anyone I've ever known.

No, you know what? Just save it, okay? 'Cause you're exactly like everyone I've ever known.

I'm so sorry, but I have to go.

* Just gonna stand there and* Hey, Juliet.

* And hear me cry * What's wrong? Nothing.

I'm fine.

Just a bad day.

I I hope it's okay I poured myself a drink.

Of course.

I could use one, too.

* I love the way you lie * I assume you are here for your check and not just to raid my liquor cabinet.

I'm sorry to be so predictable.

* And we fall back into the same patterns * * Same routine * Here.

This should cover things.

* When it comes to love, you're just as blinded * * Baby, please come back * How's it going? You weren't kidding when you said it'd be a challenge.

Well, all good things are worth waiting for, aren't they? But our most dangerous enemies are the ones we never knew we had.

To patience.

* In my voice when I talk * * Gonna stand there and * So if you want peace, always be prepared for w*r.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.