05x20 - Ferengi Love Songs

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine". Aired: January 3, 1993 – June 2, 1999.*
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A spin-off of `Star Trek: The Next Generation', `Deep Space Nine' is set on a space station orbiting the planet Bajor.
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05x20 - Ferengi Love Songs

Post by bunniefuu »

Who's winning the w*r?

It's too early to tell.

It's been three days.

Don't remind me.

They found a nest.

Well, that's good.

It's not the main nest.

That's not so good.

I thought Chief O'Brien

trapped the last vole
on the station months ago.

Well, obviously,
he missed a couple-

a married couple.

They breed like tribbles.

But they're not as cute.

They're disgusting
hairy little creatures

with ravenous appetites,
and I want them gone.

Oh, Quark.

I know, I know-

this is just
a temporary setback.

The bar will open again,
and I can get back to my life.

I'm glad you realize that.

The only trouble is,
I hate my life.

Come in.

Hello, Brother.

What do you want?

You have every right
to be depressed, Brother.

Ever since you were blacklisted

by the Ferengi
Commerce Authority

it's been one thing
after another, but...

I have some news
that's going to cheer you up.

I doubt it.

Trust me on this one, Brother.

I'm about to make you
very, very happy.

Really?

Really.

Come on in.

What's she doing here?

We're getting married!

Oh... I wish I was dead.

He's been a little depressed
lately.

I don't want to live.

I think you need someone
to talk to...

someone to pamper you.

I think I need to be alone.

You know who I talk to
when I'm feeling a little low?

Yeah, me.

Not when it's something
really important.

Let me guess-
Chief O'Brien?

That's not a bad guess.

Rom... just tell me
who it is.

Then you can leave, and I
can go back to my brooding.

There's only one person
in my life

who's always been there for me

who's never too busy to listen

who reassures me when I'm scared

comforts me when I'm sad

and who showers me
with endless love

without ever asking anything
in return.

I'd like to meet this person.

So would I.

You already know her.

And she'll always be
there for you, Brother

with open arms.

Quark?

Mother.

Moogie...

hold me.

Of all the Bajoran prophecies

I think my favorite
is Horran's Seventh-

The one that starts:
"He will come to the palace

"carrying a chalice... "

"Bearing no malice... "

"Overflowing
with sweet spring wine. "

Someone's been studying
the ancient texts.

It's important to Leeta.

She wants
a traditional Bajoran wedding.

And you've agreed to it?

Oh, that's very sweet, Rom.

Is she doing the same for you?

I mean, learning
to be a Ferengi woman?

Memorizing
the Rules of Acquisition...

Not likely.

No, Leeta's not the type
of woman to quit her job

stop wearing clothes

and never go out
in public again.

That's okay.

I just want her to be happy.

That's a very enlightened
attitude, Rom.

Rom is not your traditional
Ferengi male.

I... guess not.

You're probably the least
Ferengi-like Ferengi

I've ever met.

I... guess so.

Oh, that's not a bad thing, Rom.

No traditional Ferengi male

could ever marry a
non-Ferengi and be happy.

Well, he could never trust her.

So you see, Moogie, the voles
aren't the real problem.

They're just a symbol
for everything else

that's gone wrong in my life.

You've had a tough year, Quark.

That's an understatement.

I see all these great
opportunities out there

and I can't do anything
about them.

Without a Ferengi
business license

it's like I don't exist.

I understand
why you felt the need

to escape for a while,
but why come here?

I had no place else to go.

Are you sure about that?

Oh, now, don't
give me that look.

You and I both know
we've never really gotten along.

You disapprove of me, Quark.

You always have.

"Moogie, stop wearing clothes. "

"Moogie, stop earning profit. "

You have stopped, haven't you?

I mean, earning profit.

Wearing clothes is bad enough,
but profit-

You see what I mean?

I know the two of us
living under the same roof

isn't going to be easy,
but you're my mother...

and I love you.

And I love you, too, Quark.

But when you say
"living together"

what are we talking about-

a day, a week?

Two weeks?

I don't know.

I guess
until I start feeling better-

unless, of course,
you don't want me.

You're my son.

How could I refuse you?

Then you'll remove
all that unnecessary clothing?

Don't push your luck.

Where are you going?

To my room.
I'm exhausted.

What you need is some
of your mother's cooking-

some nice, juicy tube grubs.

I never liked your tube grubs.

I'll pre-chew them for you.

Maybe later.

Hello, room.

Where's all my stuff?

If she's thrown out
my Marauder Mo action figures...

Grand Nagus?

Quark, what are you doing here?

Uh... I'm visiting my mother.

That's no excuse!

You've been banned by the FCA.

You must leave
Ferenginar at once!

Got to go.

The Nagus, he knows I'm here.

Wait a minute.

What's the Nagus doing
in my closet?

The Nagus?

Moogie?

Zekkie!

You might as well come out!

"Zekkie"?

What's going on?

The next time you visit

I'd really appreciate it
if you called first.

That doesn't answer my question.

"Sometimes the only thing
more dangerous than a question

is an answer. "

Rule of Acquisition 208.

You're in trouble
again, aren't you?

What have you done now?

Whatever it is, I had
nothing to do with it.

Tell him, Moogie.

Tell him I'm innocent.

Relax, Quark.
I'm not in any trouble.

You're not?

Why would she be in trouble?

I don't know.

I-I-I just thought,
since you're here...

Uh... I don't...
I don't know what I thought.

I'm so confused.

About what?

It's all really quite simple.

You see, Quark, uh...

your mother and I, uh...

are in love.

How did you two... meet?

We met at the global
tongo championships.

That's right.

I was playing in the Golden
Masters Division.

And I was tucked away

in the subbasement playing
in the Female Division.

Anyway, word leaked down to us
that the Grand Nagus was having

a little difficulty
with his game.

Well, for some reason

my purchases
kept exceeding my sales.

So I wrote him a note

offering some helpful pointers
on how to firm up his game.

And they worked.

I made a spectacular comeback

and won the tournament
for the 27th year in a row.

Zekkie sent me a very nice
"thank you" note.

Before I knew it, we were
corresponding regularly.

Your mother's letters became
the highlight of each day.

It was clear we had to meet.

Imagine his surprise
when he found out I was a female

and your mother, no less.

I almost had a stroke

but, uh... I recovered.

And we've been seeing
each other ever since.

Does anyone know about this?

Of course, no one knows

and you're going
to keep it that way.

My lips are sealed.

They'd better be.

Oh, jellied gree worms.

Maihar'du, you are
too good to me.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

He treats me like a queen.

That's because
you deserve no less.

Zekkie, they don't come
any sweeter than you.

I don't believe it.

What's that, Quark?

Uh, nothing.

I've never seen you
looking happier.

That's because
I've never felt happier.

Well, my dear

time to get back
to running the Empire.

Try not to miss me too much.

I miss you already.

That's my girl.

Oh, Lobekins...

don't forget
your appointment calendar.

Thank you, my prize.

Your mother
is a rare jewel, Quark.

Worship her...

as I do.

Incredible.

Quark...

if you're going to give me
a hard time about this-

Give you a hard time?

You and the Nagus?

I couldn't be happier...

for all of us.

No sign of a single vole.

I think we got them all.

Chief, is it all right
if I take

a slightly longer
lunch than usual?

I need Leeta to sign this.

The Waiver of Property
and Profit.

Ferengi females aren't allowed
to own property or earn profit.

The WP&P states

that, in the event
the marriage ends

the female gives up all claim
to her husband's estate.

And you expect Leeta
to agree to this?

I agreed to wear the earring.

So either Leeta signs this
or the wedding's off.

I may not be
a traditional Ferengi

but I'm still a Ferengi.

It's your life

but I think you're making
a big mistake.

I think I'd be making
a bigger mistake if I didn't.

Besides, Leeta loves me.

You'll see, Chief.

She'll sign it.

Are you crazy?

I'm not going to sign this.

Why not?

Because a marriage is
about sharing everything

including money.

Not on Ferenginar.

We're not on Ferenginar.

But I'm a Ferengi.

And I'm not.

"Females and finances
don't mix. "

Rule of Acquisition 94.

That's a stupid rule.

It's true.

You're just like her.

You're after my money.

Like who?

My first wife...

pretending
that you care about me

but, all the time,
it's my profits

that you really care about.

Rom...

I love you...

not your latinum.

Then prove it.

Sign the WP&P.

Never.

Then the marriage is off.

You bet it is.

My dear, you reek of tube grubs.

So do you, Lobekins.

Are your ears tingling?

Mine, too.

So tell me, Nagus-

how was your day?

Oh, you know how it is.

Arcybite ore futures
are continuing to increase

and the Bolians
have finally agreed

to allow the Ferengi
Gaming Commission to take over

all their gambling emporiums.

And... and...

Huh? Mm... Oh!

I have decided to allocate
extra funds for research

on a new breed
of Hupyrian beetles.

Those little fellows
are going to revolutionize

the entire beetle snuff
industry.

Now that's what I call
a busy and productive day.

No wonder the Ferengi economy
is growing at a record pace.

Costs are down,
profits are up...

And opportunity is
around every corner.

Zekkie, you've done quite a job.

And your people love you
for it-

your business acumen,
your negotiation skills

your kindness and generosity.

Forget it, Quark.

I'm not going to reverse
the FCA's decision.

They revoked
your business license

and they're the ones who are
going to have to reinstate it.

But you're the most powerful man
on Ferenginar.

You can do whatever you want.

True, but contracts are
the very basis of our society

and you broke a contract
with another Ferengi.

If I were to intervene
on your behalf

I would be encouraging others
to violate the law!

And that I will not do!

Moogie...

talk to him.

He makes a very good point,
Quark.

What you did was wrong.

Thanks.
I knew I could count on you.

And I'd watch my tone
of voice if I were you.

Well, my dear, shall we
take a stroll in your garden?

Oh, and, Quark,
will you do me a favor?

Help Maihar'du clear the table.

He's not as young
as he used to be.

Brunt, FCA.

What are you doing
in my closet?

Conducting official
FCA business.

In my closet?

I didn't want the "happy couple"
to see me.

Happy couple?

Oh, don't play innocent with me.

I know all about their
perverted little love affair.

I had nothing to do with it.

They met playing tongo.

I only found out about it today.

She's your mother, Quark

and that makes you responsible.

And right now, she's endangering

the very foundation
of Ferengi society.

I can see her now,
whispering in the Nagus' ear

contaminating
his very thoughts

with her twisted
female philosophies.

I tell you, Quark-

if we don't put an end
to their relationship

you're going to see
clothed females

walking down the streets
of Ferenginar

in broad daylight.

If I had my way

I'd climb to the top
of the Tower of Commerce

and denounce your mother
to the crowd below

but... we must spare the Nagus
even a hint of public disgrace.

We've got to put an end
to their relationship but...

privately.

Quietly.

So, what are you going to do?

I'm not going to do anything.

You are.

Me?

Who else?

She's your mother,
and the Nagus-

for reasons that
elude me completely-

likes you.

You're in the perfect position
to poison their relationship.

Why should I help you?

You revoked
my business license.

I'll give you a new one.

You've got a deal.

Once again, O Nagus,
you have proven

that you have the wisest lobes
in all of Ferenginar.

That's what they pay me for, eh?

I need to speak to the Nagus.

It's a personal matter-

nothing for you to worry about.

What do you want, Quark?

I just dropped by
to pay my respects.

Well, in that case, pay them.

Oh.

Feel better?

Now go.

Before I do

I just want to say
how proud I am

that you consider my home
your home.

My mother is a very lucky woman.

And I am a very lucky man.

I guess the only one around here

who isn't lucky is you, Quark.

I just think it's great
that she's found someone

who cares for her so deeply
that he can ignore

all those vicious rumors
about her.

Oh, you mean the rumors
about her earning profit?

I know that whole story.

The FCA made her give up

every strip of latinum
she made.

I'm talking about
the other rumors.

The ones that say that she
hasn't given it all back.

Oh, nonsense.

Of course, it is,
and the wildest rumor has to be

what she plans to do
with her fortune-

that she's going to fund
a political revolution

to end the male domination
on Ferenginar.

You mean...

equal rights for females?

It's crazy, isn't it?

I mean, so what
if she wears clothing

or that she's managed
to worm her way into the heart

of the most influential
Ferengi alive.

Those aren't crimes, are they?

Absolutely not.

And what if she's as cunning
and ruthless as any male?

That doesn't mean
that she's not to be trusted...

does it?

The important thing is
that she loves you

and that you're not some pawn

in her plans
for world domination.

World domination?

By a female?

It's a horrifying thought.

Luckily, they're just rumors.

Rumors.

Well, time to go.

I'll see you tonight, Nagus.

I know Moogie can hardly wait.

For what?

For you to get home.

Now that he mentions it

she really has no business
wearing clothes

i-in front of her Nagus.

I should start dinner.

Zekkie'll be here any minute.

What do you say
to some nice slug steaks?

I'm not hungry.

Quark, the power cells
are empty.

I must have been
too depressed to notice.

It's the FCA ban, isn't it?

It's awful.

You don't know what it's like

to be denied the opportunity
to earn profit.

Oh, yes, I do.

I know exactly what it's like.

It's worse for a male.

Is it?

Moogie...

I'm...

in no mood to argue
politics right now.

I'm too distressed.

All right, Quark.

I'll talk to the Nagus.

I'll see if I can
convince him

to intercede on your behalf.

Oh, Moogie.

You're a manipulative,
self-centered conniver.

Thank you.

Now, Zek'll be here any minute.

I'll make myself scarce.

Good luck.

I'm counting on you.

Commander, I'm sorry
if the Klingons are unhappy

but station rules
are station rules.

I am well aware of station rules

but General Martok
is a great warrior.

And he has no business
being in a holding cell.

He threw one of his men
off that crossway.

That was
a disciplinary measure.

Oh.

Besides, K'retok
was not injured.

He was barely shaken up.

As opposed
to the Bolian Ambassador.

K'retok only missed her
by a centimeter.

But he did miss her.

Constable...
release General Martok.

Sir...

Mr. Worf, tell the General

that this is not
a Klingon space station.

If he can't abide
by the regulations

I'm sure Chancellor Gowron
will send us someone who can.

Understood.

Constable?

Understood.

Do you hear that?

Rom?

Are you all right?

I'm fine Captain.

Thanks for asking.

The wedding is off.

I'm sorry.

Don't be, Captain.

These are tears of joy.

Carry on.

I hate him.

No, you don't.

All he loves is latinum.

No, he doesn't.

Canceling that wedding
was the best thing

that ever happened to me.

No, it isn't.

I am so glad
he's out of my life.

No, you're not.

Major... you haven't
been listening to me.

Yes, I have.

It's how I know you love him.

Moogie! I'm home!

So, how'd it go?

Am I reinstated?

What's wrong?

Did the Nagus say no?

Don't you think about
anyone but yourself?

Of course, I do.

I just think
about myself first.

Now tell me, what's wrong?

He left me.

All I asked him was to
reinstate your license

and the next thing I
know, he's accusing me

of plotting to overthrow
the government.

That's ridiculous.

He said I didn't
really love him

that I was just using him

that I was a scheming,
profit-hungry female

who couldn't keep
her clothes off.

The nerve.

Oh, Quark...

I don't know what I'm
going to do without him.

I don't know what he's
going to do without me.

Moogie, I'm sorry,
but these things happen.

It's probably better this way.

No, it isn't.

It's a disaster-

for all of us.

Brunt, FCA.

I hope you've had
a productive day.

I certainly have.

You're smiling, Quark.

Therefore, I assume
your mother is not.

It's hard to smile
when you have a broken heart.

Now, about
my business license...

As of this moment,
it's as valid as my own.

Congratulations, Quark.

You're a Ferengi again.

I always was.

Breakfast.

I'm not hungry.

Moogie, you have
to eat something.

Why?

Because... life goes on.

There are other slugs
in the sea.

You're leaving, aren't you?

You're going back
to Deep Space 9.

How did you know that?

You spent all morning
jellying gree worms

which tells me that your
conscience is bothering you.

You feel guilty
about leaving me alone.

Well, don't.
I don't need you.

I don't need anyone.

Okay.
Then, I'll go pack.

Who could that be?

Hello, Rom.

It's Quark.

Quark- that's what I said.

I want to see you in the Tower
of Commerce right away.

Don't keep me waiting.

Why is the Nagus calling you?

I have no idea.

I bet it's about me.

I doubt it.

But then... it could be.

Either way,
I'll do all I can

to straighten things out
between the two of you.

That's a promise.

You want me to be
First Clerk to the Nagus?

That's right, Quark-

my own personal
financial assistant.

What do you say?

Why me?

Consider it a reward
for saving me

from that wretched
mother of yours.

What about my bar?

Do you want to be a bartender
all your life?

I'm offering you
something more-

the chance to participate
in the major decisions

that shape this glorious
financial empire of ours.

Well, when you
put it that way...

Good. Then you can begin

by briefing me
on today's petitioners.

I need your access code.

3-7-4 slash 1-5-5.

It's not working.

You must have put them in wrong.

3-7-4 slash 1-5-5.

Nope.

Maybe it's 1-5-4.

No, that isn't it either.

But I don't understand.

What did I say
those first numbers were?

3-7-4.

Three, seven, four?

Are those right?

You're confusing me!

I-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.

Oh! It was a six.

What was?

The last number.

Well, isn't that
what I just said?

A lifetime of numbers-

you can't blame me
for forgetting a few.

Let's get down to business.

Who's the first petitioner?

Um...

DaiMon Igel.

He wants to know

whether he should sell
his duranium interests

on the open market
or on the Futures Exchange.

An interesting question.

Well, don't just stand there!

Let's see
how duranium's been doing.

Over the last three
trading cycles

there's been an increase
of seven and three-quarters

a decrease of two and an eighth,
and another increase

of 11 and three-eighths.

Oh. That's a gain of 18 points.

Actually, that's 17.

What are you talking about?

Seven and three-quarters

minus two and one-ninth

is seven...

Oh, who cares
about duranium anyway?

DaiMon Igel.

DaiMon Igel? Who's he?

Do I like him?

Come in.

Hello, Chief.

I need that phase calibrator
I leant you the other day.

It's in my tool kit
by the door.

Rom, what are you doing?

These are my profits, Chief-
my entire fortune.

It may be small, but it's mine.

Why the two piles?

I'm thinking of giving
this pile to Leeta.

That way, maybe she'll
sign the WP&P.

You're offering her a bribe?

Bribes can be very effective.

But if she signs the waiver,
then she can't own anything

so, she'll have to give
it all back to you.

Right.

That's not going to work, is it?

Rom, I don't think
there's any way

you're going to convince
Leeta to sign that waiver.

Have you ever looked
at latinum?

I mean, really looked at it?

It's so beautiful-

not to mention,
smooth to the touch.

Do you want Leeta back or not?

"Latinum lasts longer
than lust. "

Rule of Acquisition 229.

Maybe, but lust can
be a lot more fun.

Now, answer the question.

Do you want her back or not?

I'd give anything
to hold her in my arms again.

Anything?

One jumja stick, please.

What flavor?

Actually...

I don't like jumja sticks.

Then what do you want, Rom?

I want you to marry me.

I'm not signing that waiver.

You don't have to-
not anymore.

I don't have
any profit left to protect.

I don't understand.

I gave all my latinum

to Major Kira for the Bajoran
w*r Orphans Fund.

She kissed me.

Oh, Rom!

You did that for me?

I did it for us.

Now we have nothing
but our love.

That's all we need.

That...

and my salary from Quark's.

Well done, Chief-

or should I call you Cupid?

What can I say?

I'm just
an incurable romantic.

Quark, where have
you been all day?

With the Nagus.

He made me his First Clerk.

I see.

Well, then you've
had a miserable day

haven't you?

The worst day of my life.

How'd you know?

The Market Exchange
is down 199 points.

I don't know
if I should tell you this

but I have to tell someone.

The Nagus, he is...

I know.

His memory isn't
what it used to be.

Did you try
stroking his lobes?

No, I didn't stroke his lobes.

It helps focus him.

It's also not a bad idea
if you repeat what you say

to him.

Sometimes it takes two,
even three times

before he'll retain it.

You two weren't just lovers.

You were helping him run things.

You're the power
behind the throne?

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

I just helped him a little-
guided him.

A leveraged buyout here

some momentum investing
there...

Why didn't you tell me?

If I'd known what was going on,
I never would have...

Never would have what?

Oh, Quark.

You turned Zek against me,
didn't you?

You filled his head
with all those lies about me.

I didn't know.

Who put you up to this?

Who do you think?

Brunt.

What did he offer you?

Your business license back?

"A Ferengi without profit
is no Ferengi at all. "

You taught me that.

The Rules of Acquisition

aren't going to help
you now, Quark.

A 199-point slide.

And that's just the beginning.

Congratulations, Quark.

You've not only destroyed
my life and Zek's life

you may have triggered
the destruction

of the entire Ferengi economy.

I hope it was worth it.

My, aren't we early today.

But I suppose
after yesterday's fiasco...

we have no alternative.

A 199-point plummet!

Haven't seen that steep
a market slide

since Grand Nagus Smeet

and you know
what happened to him?

The only Grand Nagus

to be assassinated
while in office.

What was the name
of his First Clerk?

I believe they buried
them together.

I'm sure we'll do better today.

No, you won't.

The Market Exchange
will remain closed today.

The FCA Board of Liquidators
has called

an emergency meeting
with the Grand Nagus.

We have some...
questions to ask him.

And by the time we're through

you'll both be out of a job.

Why are you picking on me?

I've done everything
you asked, haven't I?

Everything.

Oh...

Grand Nagus...

Brunt.

Daddy will be so proud.

You knew the truth about the
Nagus all along, didn't you?

You mean,
about Zek's failing memory?

Let me think.

Hmm...

Well, you know,
now that you mention it...

yes, I did.

That's why you wanted
to destroy his relationship

with my mother,
not to protect him...

but to expose him.

I couldn't have done it
without you.

I feel almost... grateful

which is why I'm going
to let you keep

your new business license.

Now, put down those padds,
pack your things

and scurry on back
to that little bar of yours.

So, how come you're still here,
Quark?

After all, Brunt is right.

You should be back
on Deep Space 9

celebrating your victory.

You've proven yourself
a true Ferengi.

You've betrayed friends
and family

for personal gain.

It sounds so good
when you say it.

But...?

I think I've been hanging around
hu-mans too long.

I think I'm developing a...

Conscience?

It's been coming
for a long time.

I've fought against it,
I really have.

But living with those people
day in and day out

being exposed to their ethics,
their morality...

It's like I've been brainwashed.

You poor boy.

Moogie, I'm serious.

Oh, I know you are

and I know how important
your problems are to you

but frankly, Quark, right now

I don't give a damn about them!

We've got much bigger
problems to deal with.

Do you want Brunt
to become Nagus?

Of course not.

he was willing to throw our
entire economy into chaos

just so he could grab power.

Sounds like a true Ferengi
to me.

A Ferengi maybe...

but not a Nagus.

A Nagus has to be
better than that.

His personal greed

has to reflect
the public's greed.

Like Zek.

Exactly.

So what are we going
to do about it?

Did you see their faces?

They thought they had me,
but we showed them.

I answered all their questions,
didn't I?

You certainly did!

The state of the trade
negotiations with the Breen

why I dumped
our lokar bean investments

why I insisted we buy up

every bit of jevonite
we could get our hands on.

You were brilliant!

You know, for a moment there

I actually thought
that Brunt's head

was going to explode
with frustration!

By the time
I'm finished with him

he'll wish it had!

Blam!

Blam!

He underestimated me.

And he underestimated
you, too.

Me?

I did nothing.

Nonsense.

I might have fooled
those Liquidators

but I'm not fooling myself.

I'm becoming forgetful.

At times,
my memory betrays me.

I hear the Vulcans
have been very successful

at treating memory loss.

Vulcans?

Never liked them.

No appreciation of profit.

But they do make good doctors,
don't they?

Make an appointment for me.

I'll never forget
what you did for me, Rom.

It's Quark.

Ha-ha! Got you!

I may have lost my memory

but not my sense of humor!

As far as I'm concerned,
you're still my First Clerk.

Oh, I'm honored, O shrewd one

but I'm afraid your confidence
in me is misplaced.

Quark, I must say
I find your newfound modesty

very annoying.

I need a financial advisor,
and you're it.

If you insist.

But first...

let me introduce to you...

my financial advisor.

Don't tell me.

Zekkie.

Why'd you bring
that female here?

Because the Nagus
deserves to have

the best financial
advisor there is

and that's my Moogie.

All the advice I gave
you today came from her.

I'm not going to lie
to you, Zekkie.

I believe in equal rights
for females.

And someday,
I hope you will, too

but I'd never do anything
to hurt you.

But...

what about all those rumors
that Quark told me?

They were lies.

Tell him, Quark.

I guess I stretched the truth,
here and there.

Yah!

Quark, you're fired!

Now the question is:

What am I going to do with you?

Anything you want.

What man could resist
an offer like that?

Ooh!

Let's go home,
and I'll make dinner.

No! You won't.

Maihar'du will make dinner.

I've got other plans for you!

Oh, Zekkie!

Quark, dinner's on the table.

I'll be right there.

Leave some room.

For what?

For these.

Oh!

My Marauder Mo action figures.

I thought you'd
thrown these out.

All these years

I've been keeping them
in storage for you.

I figured you'd want

to take them back
to Deep Space 9 with you.

I sure do.

Do you have any idea
how much these are worth?

Not as much as if you'd kept
them in the original packaging

which is what I told you
at the time.

Even then, you were handing out
sound financial advice.

Thanks, Moogie.

No.

Thank you, Quark.

Brunt, FCA.

But for how much longer?

Don't worry about me, Quark.

I'm a survivor.

So, the happy couple
are back together.

If the people only knew.

But they don't

and you're not going
to tell them.

Really?

Why shouldn't I?

Because the Nagus
is ready for you.

If you go against him,
you'll lose

and you know it.

I hate losing.

What Ferengi doesn't?

I may not be able
to destroy the Nagus, but...

you are a different story.

You're going to revoke
my business license?

I don't think the Nagus
will like that.

On the contrary, I want you
back in business-

gives me an opportunity
to keep my eye on you

because one day you are
going to make a mistake

and on that day,
you're going to lose

more than your license!

But that day is not today.

Now, back in the closet,
where you belong.

It's not over, Quark!

Don't make me come in there
after you.

Quark, your tube grubs
are getting warm!

Coming, Moogie!
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