08x08 - Wingless: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Helen.
I'd like a burger, please.

Oh, sorry, Antonio.
I'm closed for lunch.

That's, that's when
you make all your money.

Why would a lunch counter
close for lunch?

I'm writing a speech on how
to run a successful business.

Is that the speech

for the Chamber of Commerce
annual luncheon?

Yeah. How'd you know?

I was their speaker last year.

You were?

Well, actually, the topic
was a little different.

It was "The American Dream:
Don't Hold Your Breath."

Anyway, read me, read me
what you have so far.

Okay.

"Ladies and gentlemen,

"I am thrilled
and honored
to be here.

"One of the most
difficult aspects

"of running
a successful business

"is juggling
your professional life

"with your home life.

"It's especially hard for me

because my husband also owns
a thriving business."

Come on, Mr. Jeffries,

I'm not that many
payments behind!

Can't the bank please carry me
for another week?

Please!

Please!

Hey, uh, Joey?

Is everything okay
with the business?

Sure. Why would you ask
a crazy question like that?

All right.

Well, uh, my last two flights
were canceled.

I keep getting these weird
stares when I go to the bank.

Every time I pass Fay,
she whispers

"Remember the good times."

Come on, you know Fay.

It's like this
every slow season.

She's like Chicken Little.

"Joe, Joe,
the sky is falling!

The sky is falling!"

Look around, man.

Is the sky falling?

Joe! Joe!

The plane is missing!
The plane is missing!

Hey!

Calm down, Chicken Little.

Calm down.

The plane is not missing.

Joe, tell her the plane
is not missing.

It's not missing.

See?

It's been repossessed.

See?

It doesn't
make any sense.

Why would the bank
repossess our plane?

We've missed one
lousy payment.

It wasn't just one.

Well, how many payments
did we miss?

Three.

Well, why didn't you tell me
we missed three payments?

'Cause we actually missed five.

Five payments?!

Why didn't you tell me?

What am I-- some little brother

you have to shield from
the truth? I'm your partner.

All right, it was eight.

Eight?!

That's not all.

I had to di...

No! No more!

I can't hear you!
I can't hear you!

Brian, stop it, okay?

That's not the worst part.
The worst part is...

Oh, them golden slippers

Oh, them golden...

The worst part is that...

I've been dipping into Helen's
and my personal account

and I didn't tell her.

Oh, wow.

So...

what do we do now?

I don't know.
I've tried everything.

If we could just pump
some cash into the airline

to get us on our feet again.

Right. We need a cash pumper.

Maybe I could find
a financial broker.

You know, a guy
who could hook us up
with some investors.

Right. We need a hooker.

It's not going to be easy.

I just hope we can find
an investor in time.

We will. We will.

We just got to hang tough
and not fall apart.

You're right.
You're right.

We're strong. Right?

We can get
through anything.

Boys, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.

They're cutting off
our elec...

BOTH:
Oh, them golden slippers,
Oh, them golden slippers

Oh, them golden slippers...

When's this Clayton guy
coming already?

I'm starting
to get nervous.
Well, you should be.

We've been turned down
by every bank, credit union

and investor
on the East Coast.

He's the only one
that showed any interest.

What are we gonna say to him?

I mean, how do you talk
to a multi-millionaire?

All right, listen up.

I've done some research
on this guy.

He likes his whiskey.
He likes his cigars.

He is a real man's man.

Ah. Sounds fascinating.

No.

See, that is a real
sissy thing to say:

"Fascinating."

He hears that,
he is out of here.

Okay. Now you've got me
all flustered and insecure.

Brian,
I'm warning you.

You stop using
words like that.

You have got exactly
four minutes to become a man.

Oh, no...
oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

I'm begging you.

Do something masculine.

Uh, Joe, Mr. Clayton's plane
just landed.

You're going to be okay?

Yeah, I'm going
to be fine.

Um...

how do I look?

CASEY:
Oh, Helen,

that looks gorgeous on you.

You think so?
Yeah, I mean,

the minute I saw it
in the window,

I said, "This
is the perfect outfit

for Helen to give
her speech in."

Casey, it's $700.

So what?
Just do what I do:

just tuck in the tag,
don't spill anything on it

then when you take it
back to the store

throw it in their face

and say, "This smells
like it's been worn!"

Uh, hey, Joe,
come here a second.

Hey, what do you think?

You look very nice.

"Nice"? Are you kidding?
That dress is fabulous.

"Fabulous"?

What did I tell you about
using those kind of words?

Joe, guess who's
coming in gate one?

Who? Who? Who?

Uh, nobody.

What do you mean, "nobody"?

What's going on here, Joe?

Nothing.

What do you mean "nothing"?

Nothing. Nothing.

Joe, there's something
going on.

You have been acting
strange for days.

And why are you
dressed like that?

Are you meeting someone?

Joey, let's go.

Helen, now is not a good time.

Oh, my God! It's not
another woman, is it?

Oh, please, don't
let it be another woman.

I can take
anything but that.

It is not another woman.

Oh, okay.

Well, honey, look.

I'm strong.
I can take it.

Just tell me...

I can't tell you now.

Tell me.

O-Okay, here it is.

Sandpiper's bankrupt
and I used up all our savings

trying to keep it going.

Oh, no! No! No!

Joey, Joey,
come on.

Look, I've got to go.

Oh, how, Joe?

How?

Mr. Clayton...

it's a pleasure.

Joe Hackett.

How, Joe, how?

You do know

there's a wailing woman
attached to your leg?

Every airport's got them.

Run along now.
No more pamphlets.

You come talk to me, dear.

I've been looking
to join a cult.

Mr. Clayton?

Apres vous.

Now you're just doing it
to piss me off.

Thank you for
coming, Mr. Clayton.

I'm glad to see
you're the kind of guy

that does business
man to man.

No officious bean counters
getting in the way.

Actually, my entire entourage
is in a Tokyo hospital

after eating
some bad puffer fish.

Wow. Isn't that the kind
that'll k*ll you?

Yeah. Me? I just shook it off.

Anyway, uh...

let's get down
to business, shall we?

Thank you.

Mr. Clayton,
my brother and I

have prepared
a little presentation

we'd like to call
"The Sandpiper Story."

( clicks metal
noisemaker )

It all started out...
with an airplane.

( clicks )

An airplane...
and a dream.

( clicks )

An airplane and a dream...

and a man called Joe.

( Clicks )

The year was 1988.

( clicks )

Gentlemen,
let's cut through the guano.

We all know the reason I'm here

is because you guys
are in the dumper.

And what makes you say that?

From what I've learned, the bank
has confiscated your plane

and your credit rating
is a joke.

Is that why you came here?
To humiliate us?

No. I have people on the payroll
to do that.

Now, give me one good reason
why I should bail you boys out.

Because we're an established
company and I think...

Joe, wait, wait.

May I?

Please.

Mr. Clayton...

we just need a lousy,
stinkin' break,

just one lousy break

in this dirty,
rotten, unfair world...

Brian...

where they will
crush you like a bug!

( clicking )
Shut up, shut up,
shut up!

Look, I'm a big believer
in second chances,

and I think this airline
has a lot of potential

but your biggest problem is
you're under-capitalized.

Exactly.
We're under-capitalized.

So, just how much
were you thinking of investing?

Gentlemen, I don't invest
in companies, I buy them.

Uh, no. You don't understand.

Sandpiper's not for sale.

Right now, Sandpiper isn't even
in business.

Look, I'm offering you a chance
to get your plane

back in the air.
I think you might reconsider.

I'll have
my business people

fax over a copy of my proposal.

I assume you have
a fax machine.

BRIAN:
Sure, we do.

Just send it over
to Ollie's dr*gs.

I got to pick up
some creme rinse.
( clicks )

I mean, shampoo.
( clicks )

Condoms.

I'll be on the island
for 24 hours,

which is exactly how long
my offer will last.

Well, Mr. Clayton,
I'm sorry you
came all this way

but the airline is not for sale.

We will never be
that desperate.

Why, Joe, why?

Why couldn't it have been
another woman?

I'll be in touch.

Joey...

I got a way out of this.

What?
I don't know why
I didn't think

of this sooner.

Scratchers!

We are going to scratch
our way out of this mess.

That's your big idea?

You got a better one?

All right, scratchers!

Eh?

Aw! Damn!

Nothing! Goose egg.

All right!

What did you win?

Two bucks!

Tide's a-turnin'!

( knocking )

hey, Joe, uh...
I know you're in trouble

so, uh...

I want you to have this.

It's all the money
I have in the world.

I don't know what to say.

Say nothing.

The look in your eyes
is all the thanks I need.

Oh, wait. Uh...

( snaps fingers )

I'm so embarrassed to say this.

I just remembered
that I'm a little low on gas.

Do you mind?

Of course not.

Oh... oh!

( snaps fingers )

I almost forgot.

Uh, one more thing--

my, my, my nephew Carlo's
first holy communion is Sunday.

I got his gift on layaway.

May I?

Sure.

Oh! Gee!

Where is my head?

Tomorrow is the first
of the month.

My rent is due.

Antonio...

I really don't need...

( change rattling )

No, no, my friend...
that's yours.

Hackett, could I talk to you
for a minute?

Uh, not right now, Roy--
pretty busy.

Look, uh, Hackett, I know
you're under the g*n

and I want to help you out.

I've got the cash to keep
Sandpiper in your hands.

Here's my proposal.

Really? You'd do that?

Hey... we're friends.

30% interest--
that's pretty high.

Well, you are
kind of a risk, pal.

"Late penalty:
plane reverts to Aeromass."

My accountant just
threw that in there.

And what is this
with you and Helen?

Hey, that only kicks in
in the second year.

Get out of here, Roy!

Joe, we have to talk.

Look, I know what
you're going to say:

I screwed up;

how could I spend all our
savings without telling you;

I'm an irresponsible,
selfish idiot.

No argument there.

That's not what I wanted to say.

Joe, ever since
we were little kids

we came to each other
with our problems.

Why didn't you talk to me?

Look, Helen, I'm sorry.

I just thought I could
handle this alone.

But this didn't
happen to you,
it happened to us.

Look, from now on,

we're going to be
open and honest

and tell each other
everything

even if it's unpleasant...

like, say...

I ruined a $700 outfit,

and now we have
to pay for it.

Honey, you don't have
to make up stories

just to make a point.

Oh, you just see right
through me, don't you?

Look, uh, I know
what I did was wrong

but I just... I didn't
know how to tell you

that I lost everything.

I was ashamed and...

and now I feel trapped
and I'm scared.

I don't want to sell
the airline to Clayton

but I don't see
any other way out.

I... I don't know
what to do.

I do.

We can sell the house.

We... no, we can't
sell the house.

You love that house.

Yeah, I do,
but I love you more.

Joey?

Uh... a fax with Clayton's offer
just came in.

What do you want to do?

You know what I was
just thinking about?

The day I opened up
for business

I was standing over there
behind the counter

and I remember thinking,
"What the hell am I doing?

There is no way
this is going to work."

And then this, uh...

sweet old lady
walked up...

what was her name...
Mrs. Maguire.

She says, "Can I have one

for your flight
to Boston, please?"

She hands me a $20 bill.

The whole flight

I am holding on
to that 20 so tight.

I couldn't believe Sandpiper
was in business,

and at that moment...

anything seemed possible.

And later I even, uh,
had that 20 framed

so I'd always remember
what that felt like.

Come to think of it

you know, I haven't
seen that 20 lately.

Well, scratchers
don't grow on trees.

Eight years.

Eight years I've
owned Sandpiper, Brian.

I put my life
into this business.

How can I sell it?

Half of it's mine.

Don't you think
it's ripping me up too?

Hey, you already
signed it.

Yeah, but... it wasn't easy.

Listen, Joe, you got
another option, I'll take it.

Helen said she'd be willing
to sell the house.

( sighs )

Here, give me your pen.

Well, looks like Clayton

just bought himself
an airline.

Surprise!

Hey, Joey,

the plane's back.

It sure is.

Did you miss me?

I missed you.

I hate when he does that.

It freaks me out.

Brian, we did
the right thing, right?

Yeah, we sure did.

I mean, look, even though
we're employees now

we're still pilots.

Hey, man, it's
what we love to do.

And the important thing is

we still have
the Sandpiper name.

You know, that name, Sandpiper,
that means something to people.

That is what matters most.
That's right.

And even though
Clayton's our boss

I don't think he'll
exactly be hands-on
with our airline.

I mean, this guy is
the definition
of "silent partner."

Hi, boys.

Oh. Wow.

Mr. Clayton, we're just
tickled to see you.

( clearing throat )

What? A man
would say that.

Anyway, I just wanted
to wish you luck
before I shove off.

Thank you, Mr. Clayton.

We're really grateful

for the faith
you've shown in us.

You're welcome.
Before I go

I want to introduce
you to someone.

Joe and Brian Hackett,
this is my son Cord.

He's just out of school.

How you doing?

Just out of school, huh?

Boy, you must have
a lot of big plans.

Yes, he does.

Cord's going to be
running Sandpiper.

He's your new boss.

What?!

You report to him.
He reports to me.

Are we clear?

Mr. Clayton, can we
see you in our office?

You tricked us.

Yeah. I thought we were still
going to be in charge.

Gentlemen, with all
due respect,

no one buys
a bankrupt airline

because they're impressed
with the current management.

You know, I don't care--
we want out of this deal.

You signed a contract.

Now, if you have any
further questions

I suggest you
direct them to Cord.

It's his airline now.

It's been a pleasure, gentlemen.

No. We're not
going to take this.

I am going to rip
that contract up.

Good idea, Joe.

A boob like that would
never have made a copy.

Oh, look who's here--

the boss.

Let's get something
straight right now.

I built this airline
from the ground up,
and I'll be damned

if I'm going to let some
snot-nosed little punk

come in here and
start giving me orders.

Oh, wow.

That was loud.

Could you hate me
just a little more quietly?

Great. You're trashed,
aren't you?

Was trashed.

Was happy.

Was not here.

I am working

on a serious hangover here.

So could you just kind of
point me

to the Sandpiper
VIP lounge?

I have got to lie down.

Well, there's plenty
of room out on runway two.

Just put your head
on the big white line.

You know, I'm picking up
a little 'tude here.

All right, let me
tell you something, okay?

I've worked with Joe here
for the past eight years.

And if there's one thing

we Hackett brothers
don't go for

it's nepotism.

JOE:
Yeah. That's right.

Now, what qualifies you
to run this airline?

Okay, that's a good question.

Now, what qualifies me
to run this airline?

It's a really good question.

Anybody?

Look, we all know that
the only reason you're here

is your father bought us out

and shoved you
down our throats.

You know, that has been
the welcoming speech

at, like, every college
I've ever been to.

Every college?

How many of them
have there been?

Let's see.
I started off at Harvard.

Boy, it's hard there.

Then there was UCLA, USC,
SMU, NYU, UNLV, and...

Well, it didn't really
have a name

but it was a sort
of university-slash-brothel

outside Guadalajara.

Okay, look, you're
just going to have
to call your father

and tell him this
is not going to work.

No, no, this has to work.

Okay, if it doesn't,
my dad's going to cut me off.

Well, I'm sorry
but that is not
our problem.

Actually, it kind of is.

See, 'cause if I bail,
there's no more airline.

And he'll just pull
the plug on everything.

What are you saying?

That we're your little
science experiment here?

God, I hope not.

I flunked science
in, like, six colleges.

Okay, look, the bottom line is,
I need you and you need me.

Come on, you guys.

Everything is
gonna be fine.

First off, I just want to say

I have a tremendous amount
of respect

for what you've done here.

I'm not about to ruin everything
you've worked so hard for.

Good. Finally you
said something smart.

Oh, by the way,

that "Sandpiper" name,
it's got to go.