5x22 - Raiders of the Lost Art

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here-- your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

I want to help you stay on as Gossip Girl.

I want to protect your identity and help you keep the site.

You're actually her.

You're Gossip Girl.

Please, whatever you do, just don't tell anyone.

You saved Chuck's life, and you did that because I'm Chuck's mother.

What'd you find out? That the first record of our Diana Payne was three years ago.

Before that, it's like she didn't even exist.

So if Diana Payne's not her real name, how do we ever find out her story? If you wanted to see my underwear, all you had to do was ask.

I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore.

I realized it belongs to someone else.

Elizabeth Fisher e-mailed me that picture a few minutes ago.

Take a look at the date in the corner.

It's right before you were born.

Take a look at this photo again.

You see the tattoo on the guy's arm? Check it out.

It's not who's my mom.

It's who's my dad.

Nate, I think Jack Bass is my father.

And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

They say in life there are two sides to every story.

But on the Upper East, we always have three.

There's his, hers But the most important is always mine.

Come in.

Oh, Dorota.

You didn't have to bring me breakfast.

Miss Serena, you must taste test my new Kreplach.

These bad boys take Warsaw faster than Red Army.

Oh, thank you, but do you mind just setting it down over there for a minute? I have to finish what I'm typing.

Miss Serena, all you do all day is type, type, type.

You take laptop with you everywhere.

It not healthy.

Well, after last week's family meltdown, this laptop is the only thing keeping me sane.

Writing is my new outlet.

You should be happy for me.

If you say so.

But Vanya say same thing about "Warcraft," and then D.

S.

L.

bill come Yes, of course everything's set for tonight.

There is nothing to worry about.

I hope that's not overconfidence I hear in your voice.

I don't need to remind you how sensitive an operation this is.

If anyone finds out Jack, they won't.

Chuck and everybody else thinks I'm his bloody mother.

They're off the scent completely.

What time are your guests arriving? Um, 9:00, I believe.

You know what? Let me just double-check that.

And our cargo? Hang on.

You know, give me a second? I'm gonna have to ring you back.

Hey, I was just thinking about you.

Were you? What a coincidence.

Yeah, I had fun the other night.

I'm just sorry we didn't get to have that drink after.

After you rifled through my things and stole my day planner? Your what? Come off it, Nate.

Where is my book? Diana, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Maybe you left it at work.

Maybe your assistant has it, but I don't.

You know what, Nate? I nearly believe you.

But if I can't find it, I'm coming to see you next.

Was that Diana? Yeah, looking for her book.

I played it clueless.

Good, because if she's going to continue to lie to us and pretend to be my real mother, I see no reason why we shouldn't return the favor.

Well, I think I bought us another day or two, but not much more.

Any progress cracking the code? None whatsoever.

It's all a jumble of numbers and letters.

Do you even know what you're looking for? Some link to Jack.

His secretary still hasn't heard from him? Not in over a month.

She thinks he found love in Phuket.

I'm sure he's here.

And if he's my father like I think he is, the only way to get the truth is to find him.

Yeah, well, unless you wanna watch "A Beautiful Mind" again, I think we're gonna need to hire a professional-- you know, someone from the m*llitary or even a serial k*ller.

It takes a special level of crazy to go that far to hide your secrets.

I'll be back in a bit.

Any luck? Nope.

Serena must've changed Gossip Girl's username and password after Georgina sent her the laptop.

Well, I'm just glad you finally believe me about Serena acting as Gossip Girl.

And I apologize again for ever having doubted you.

And for calling me a fame-whoring social climber? Yeah, that, too.

You hungry? Care to discuss passwords over pancakes? Mm.

How often do you shave? What? I'm just asking.

Come on, let me help.

I'm very good.

Everyone said my Adolfo stole Constance/St.

Jude's "Sweeney Todd" in sixth grade.

Uh, I'm already late to meet Alessandra in Brooklyn.

She's dying to come over to the loft 'cause I know she wants to read my first chapter.

It's not done? It's basically done.

What is Dan Humphrey's definition of "basically"? Page 2.

I'm blocked, all right? It happens.

All I need is a fiery bolt of inspiration.

That makes two of us.

You know, after my theatrics at the Young Lions Club, it's time to quit my moping and get back in touch with what it truly means to be the Blair Waldorf.

That's right.

O.

G.

B.

-- Original Gangsta Blair.

Exactly.

I need to find that Blair again, and what better place to look for her than at the met, surrounded by some of my favorite paintings? Well, you better not meet any princes this time.

You don't need to worry.

Believe me, I'm done with fairy tales.

It's time to be real again.

Lunch later? We can compare notes on soul searching.

Done.

We're very lucky, you know? Most couples don't give each other the freedom we do.

But you and I, we can spend our days as we please.

And you know why? You trust me.

I trust you.

I think I just quoted Ray J.

I don't know who that is, but sure.

Mmm.

Now be gone.

So what's the plan? I mean, we can't let Serena stay Gossip Girl.

Ah, trust me, I know.

It's not good for anybody, especially Serena.

We just need to figure out how to get her to see that herself.

Or we could out her to Perez right now.

Lola, I know you're angry, but Serena's your sister.

Well, technically half.

It's time to take her down.

I bet the real Gossip Girl would help us.

Yeah, well, she's no picnic either.

I mean, I agree we have to deal with the Serena problem.

I'm just not sure now is the best time to do it.

You know, Chuck's searching for the truth about his real father, and I'm trying to dig up some dirt on his fake mother Diana so I can force her out of "The Spectator.

" Well, Serena and Diana are allies, so maybe two birds, one stone.

Yeah, well, I guess I could ask the real Gossip Girl to help me with Serena.

I do still have her number she texted me from.

Okay, and I can pay a little visit to Serena and get her to help you out with Diana.

Oh.

There you are.

Rufus let me in.

I hope you don't mind.

So where's the manuscript? I'll admit, I might have peeked in your office.

Well, you know what? It's still coming along, but, um Dan.

I know, you're blocked.

That's why I wanted to talk.

Look, when artists fall in love, their work invariably suffers.

You just need to refocus yourself creatively.

Y-yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I was telling Blair this morning.

Well, luckily for you, I already have the perfect solution.

That's great.

What is it? I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Just meet my friend Lucia for lunch at the Atlantic Grill.

Let fate take care of the rest.

No, I can't do lunch.

I already made plans with Blair.

You'll wanna cancel them for this.

I promise.

Okay.

Chuck.

I don't have time for any of your nonsense.

I have a very busy day planned.

Blair, listen to me, please.

I have this book.

It's written in code, and I desperately need to cr*ck it.

I remembered how good you are at things like this.

Or at least you were.

Maybe that was the old you.

You know what, Bass? Today is your lucky day.

What are you doing here? I thought I made myself clear.

You know, Serena, I don't know why you hate me so much when all I've ever done is protect you and your secret.

But if that's the way you're gonna treat me, then forget it.

Wait.

If it's important, I-I do wanna hear.

You can't trust Diana.

I just found out that she's working with the real Gossip Girl to take you down.

I don't know why she'd do something like that, but I do.

Diana told me herself that she and Gossip Girl have a history, so Gossip Girl is probably using one of the secrets of Diana's past to blackmail her again.

Well, what are you gonna do about it? Well, if those two are working together, there's nothing I can do.

You're gonna think this is crazy, but What if you could find out Diana's secret first? How? Well, Nate stole Diana's day planner, and, uh, it's all in code so no one knows what it says.

But why go to that much trouble? It seems to me if you break the code, you have Diana's secret.

You know, I-I did see Diana writing in her planner once, and there was a little book next to it.

Maybe that other book is the key to the code.

Oh, my God.

Can you get it? Well, if I do, will--will you help me figure out her secret? Yes, absolutely.

Okay, I'll head over to Diana's office, and I'll let you know what I find.

Be careful, Lola.

When you double-cross a double agent, there's always double trouble.

No, it's not on Diana's desk or in her filing drawer.

Ooh.

A Big Ben paperweight.

Well, keep looking.

The key to the code has to be somewhere at "The Spectator.

" Nate said he didn't see it at her hotel.

I'm doing my best.

I'll call you soon as I leave here, okay? Bye.

Bravo, Serena.

You're a better actor than you know.

And to invent a decoder book? Sheer genius.

Oh, I have my moments.

I wouldn't worry too much about Nate, though.

Your book is clearly useless to him without the key.

All the same, I won't feel completely reassured until I get it back.

Would you mind fetching it for me? Don't you mean stealing it back from my friends? That's going out on quite a limb.

What's in it for me? Only Gossip Girl's cell phone number.

How do you have that? I have friends in high places.

Think about it, Serena.

If you can use this number to track down the real Gossip Girl, I bet you can blackmail her into letting you keep the site.

She'll quit before she'll ever risk being exposed, and you can stay Gossip Girl forever.

But how do I know that's the real number? You don't, but you'll find out when you get me my book back.

Apologies.

I just needed a few minutes to get into character.

If you wanna think like Diana Payne, you have to become Diana Payne.

Cheers.

Thanks a lot.

You're adorable.

"Spectator.

" Regardless of whether we find Jack, I can't tell you how glad I am at this moment that Diana isn't really my mother.

Hand me the book.

Well It's not classic Caesar.

I can tell that just from looking at it.

What is that? This is my cipher slide.

Don't you have one? There was a brief period in the third grade where I suspected my mother was reading my diary, and measures had to be taken.

But this is a Vigen�re code.

It's not unbreakable, but it can take a long time, especially without software.

We don't have a long time.

Maybe she used something simpler for dates and times.

Let me look at the calendar.

Look.

There.

What? On the first Saturday of every month at 9:00 P.

M.

, there's an appointment made up of And they're each different, but You cr*ck those, you can get the rest.

And look-- this month's appointment is tonight.

Nate was dating Diana during some of those Saturdays.

Well, maybe we can jog his weed-addled mind into remembering something.

It's worth a sh*t.

Let's go.

Hi.

Uh, Lucia? Ah, you must be Dan.

Ciao.

It is such a thrill to meet you, eh? I am a huge "Inside" fan.

I ordered a giant box of copies for our office in Rome.

Oh, that was you? Yes.

Please sit.

So you are adorable, eh? Thank you.

So since Alessandra promised not to spoil the surprise, I would like to tell you why I've asked you here today.

I would like to cordially invite you to join this summer's group of artists in residence at the Italian Arts and Letters Institute in Rome.

Um I'm--I'm sorry.

Is it the Arts and Letters Institute, like where--where Roth and--and Mailer went? Mm-hmm, and don't forget Sontag, DeLillo, Ondaatje.

I, uh uh Wow.

I don't know what to say.

I'm--I'm--I'm honored.

I can't tell you how much I need this right now.

Well, perfecto.

Then it's settled.

You'll spend the entire summer at the villa, eating, drinking, living, and creating.

The retreat is--is all summer? Yes, of course.

Is there a problem? No.

Well, I don't-- I don't think so.

I need to talk to my girlfriend about this, 'cause we haven't discussed our summer plans yet, um, and we probably should decide them together, so-- Well, I leave for Rome first thing tomorrow, so I will need your answer by tonight.

You do realize that there are a lot of young writers who would jump at this opportunity, Daniel.

Of course.

Okay.

So Mangiamo.

Mm.

Okay, this is the first time Andrew Tyler found any record of a "Diana Payne" in L.

A.

Oh, the deed to her house, which she bought from "Simon Callow".

Mm.

Hey, sorry to barge in.

I just felt so bad that I struck out.

Oh, don't worry about it.

It's not your fault.

Yeah.

We're not really having any luck here, either.

Well, I was thinking, maybe since I'm the one that saw Diana transcribing, if I see the day planner again, that may jog my memory.

Too bad Chuck has it.

Looks like we might have a lead, thanks to Blair's powers of observation.

But unfortunately, the entire clue trail hangs by the flimsiest of threads-- Nate's long-term memory.

If you'll excuse me Hello? Did you find your inspiration? Yes.

Uh, but the only problem is, it's in Rome.

Blair, I just got invited to the Institute of Arts and Letters' summer artists retreat.

Oh, my gosh.

That's incredible! But what could possibly be the problem, besides Rome in August? Well, for starters, I would be gone all summer.

So, you know, being a I thought we should discuss it first.

That's sweet, but I would never stand in the way of an opportunity like that.

You have to take it.

Wait.

Are you on your phone at the museum? Oh.

No, actually, I'm at the Empire.

Waldorf, we need you.

Just a sec! Oh, is that Chuck? Yes.

He asked for my help with a scheme.

You don't mind, do you? Scheming is classic Blair, and I'm getting my groove back just like I wanted.

No, of course.

It's just I-- you know, I-I-mean, uh Uh, with Chuck? And Serena and Nate and Serena light.

Don't worry.

I'm not worried.

Why would I be worried? So--so are you--are you sure I should say "Yes"? Remember what we said this morning? We're good with each other.

We help each other grow, we don't hold each other back.

I'll see you later.

Yeah, great.

Nathaniel, you must remember something Diana was doing that was unusual on those Saturdays.

Besides you, of course.

Guys, I'm looking! Gym.

Gym.

Bangs trimmed.

Gym.

Oh, ha ha ha.

Look, Diana and I barely spent any time outside of the office.

We just never went on any real dates.

And we just were working and you know-- O-okay.

I think that's my excuse to leave.

I promise I'll keep searching till I find the little black key to Diana's book.

Nate, we have tried this the easy way.

Oh, my God.

The book is gone.

Serena! Let's make sure I've got this straight.

Blair wants you to go to Rome? She couldn't have been happier for me.

And that's a bad thing why? Of course I want her to be happy for me, just not that happy.

I mean, you know, she d--she didn't have to think about it for a second.

Dan.

You didn't hear her--or Chuck.

It was--it was like she wanted me to leave so she could just spend all summer with him.

I'm sure that's not the case.

She loves you.

Mm I wouldn't go that far.

You two haven't I mean, we're not in high school anymore.

It takes--it takes time, you know.

To feel or to admit? That's not--that's not the point.

This morning, it felt like we were-- we were in such a good place.

And I'm sure you will be again the moment you sit down and actually talk to her.

And you're right.

You're right.

I just need to talk to her in person.

Are you sure that right now is the best time? I mean, when she's in the middle of S.

, I can't believe you'd go behind our backs like this.

And why are you protecting Diana? Diana told me if I got her book back, then she would give me Gossip Girl's real phone number.

I finally have a chance to see who she really is.

And that's more important to me than helping Nate kick Diana out of "The Spectator.

" More important than me finding my father? What? Diana lied to me.

She's not my mother.

And I think she's covering for my father-- well, my real father Jack.

Oh, Chuck, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

This book is the only chance I have of tracking Jack down.

Well, what can I do? Be with us, not against us.

You have me, 100%.

Great.

Let's get rid of this bitch once and for all.

She's late.

We should call.

Well, maybe Diana just missed her appointment.

Or Lola couldn't bribe the girl she knows at the spa.

You guys should just trust me and stop dithering.

I sent in a seasoned professional.

She's in.

I can't tell you how much my shoulders need this.

Treatment about to begin.

Just Relax.

First, I do exfoliation with Japanese sea salt body scrub.

Excellent choice.

Then wild mint foot rub.

I still don't know how you're gonna massage the code out of her.

Watch and learn, Archibald.

Mmm! It's been so long since my last massage.

I know.

Why you miss last appointment? What? I didn't.

My boss want to charge you.

Spa have very strict cancellation policy.

But I didn't book a session.

Unless my assistant did.

What day was it? First Saturday last month.

I wasn't even in the country that weekend.

Not that it's any business of yours, but I was actually in Europe.

England? Italy? France? Portugal! What do we know about Portugal? They speak Portuguese? They play pretty good football.

They don't.

Hey, who was that tutor you had in, like, the sixth grade? Mariana Costa.

She was from Lisbon.

I spent our lessons trying to get under her Saia.

Needless to say, I succeeded.

What if all these letters are just different international phone numbers? The code for that night was "K-L-L.

" Which is "5-5-5" on the keypad, and we all know from watching movies that's fake.

And you run a newspaper? If she had been using a numeric key, it could be decoded as "0-0-1," then "3-5-1.

" That's the country code for Portugal.

Some childhood memories never fade.

B.

, did you just do it? Got it.

Thanks, Dorota.

Now we do complimentary body wrap.

I didn't order one.

You need.

Trust.

I go get seaweed.

Okay, now if I'm right-- and we all know I am-- then this is tonight's number.

Yeah, but who does it call? There's only one way to find out.

How can I help you? Yes, I'm interested in the event tonight.

Yes, how many? Three.

Three it is.

Will I need to send a car? No, the address will be fine.

The Vardin house in Briarcliff Manor.

See you at 9:00.

Does anybody have any idea what we're about to get ourselves into? Not a clue, but hopefully, Jack will be there.

Yeah, and maybe someone that can tell us who Diana Payne really is.

I'm gonna get Thur to pull the car around.

What's going on? Wait.

What about Diana's book? This is my only chance to find out who Gossip Girl really is.

I already made a copy.

Well, I don't know why you're suddenly so interested in that sad little shut-in, but here you go.

We don't need it anymore.

Thank you.

Hey, follow that limo.

Thank you.

Oh! Serena, you are a lifesaver! How did you do it? I just asked.

Well, I'm indebted to you.

Oh, wait.

No, I'm not, because I've got something you want-- Gossip Girl's real phone number.

Use it wisely.

Thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a meeting.

Bye.

Here.

Let me.

What do you think you're doing? GPS'ing Gossip Girl.

How else are we gonna find her? What do you mean "we"? Look, I'm the only person who knows why you really want Gossip Girl's phone number.

Even if you think you can figure out who she is, you can find a way to keep her site forever.

And why would you help me? Well, you ever heard the expression "the devil you know"? Oh, look.

Gossip Girl's on the move.

And, uh, my van is just around the corner.

Okay, fine, let's go.

Who doesn't love a road trip? Just watch your blind spot, kiddies, or you'll wind up blindsided.

Excuse me.

Whoa.

This is not what I was expecting at all.

Nate, this is a sex club? It's more of a roving brothel.

My father--well, Bart-- belonged.

Ah, that's how you knew the lockbox code.

Jack's here.

We just have to find him.

How can you be sure? It's the perfect place for a degenerate like him to hide in.

It's also the kind of event he wouldn't miss for the world.

Wouldn't blame him.

But what on earth does this have to do with Diana? Find out and you'll have her out of "The Spectator" by sunrise.

Hi.

I'm Josephine.

You look like you need a friend.

He has a friend.

Then why don't I show you the bedrooms? Both of you? Yeah, let's-- let's look around.

Hey, what are you guys doing here? And why are you dressed as waitresses? Uh, the bouncer at the door asked if we were "India's girls.

" So we just went with it, and then he pointed us to the dressing room and told us to change.

But full disclosure--we actually GPS'ed Gossip Girl's phone, and it led us here.

Wait.

India's girls? Who's--who's India? I don't know.

The madame? But I bet if we find India, we find out how Diana fits into all of this.

Or we just find Gossip Girl and make her tell us Diana's secret.

Maybe this place is how they know each other.

Wait, wait, wait, there she is.

All right, let's split up.

We'll look for India.

Serena, you go find Gossip Girl.

And stay away from Diana if you can.

If she even knows that we're here Ugh.

This isn't my first rodeo.

Thank you.

No, but it's mine, and it's awesome.

I'm sorry.

I thought you'd love that last room, especially the canopy bed.

You look like the type that likes a royal theme.

Not anymore.

Perhaps we should extend our search to beyond just bedrooms.

Uh, yes.

Any dark, small space will do.

Closet, attic, the wine cellar.

We might not have time to see the whole house.

The whole house? We'd love to.

Every room, even the occupied ones.

She likes to watch.

Meter's running, kid.

You getting out or we heading back? Just--just, uh, just give me a minute, all right? Yeah.

Hey.

Just checking in.

You and Blair talk yet? No.

No, but we're about to.

Dan, it's been hours.

Where are you? Honestly, I don't-- I don't really know.

But, uh, I went to go talk to her at the Empire, and then I saw her and Chuck leaving together in his limo.

So, um I may have followed them.

May have? Yeah, listen, something's going on, dad.

I mean, she--she's--she's with Chuck inside a huge mansion.

I'm worried about her.

Dan, the only person I'm worried about right now is you.

So whatever Blair is doing with or without Chuck, you have to trust her.

If you storm in there and confront her, she'll know for sure you don't.

Let Blair have her evening, and wait for her to tell you about it.

I'm sure she will if you give her a chance.

Hey, man, I think one of your girls slipped something in my drink.

Relax, kid, it's a party.

Things happen.

Well, I wanna talk to India.

Where is she? Upstairs, not seeing visitors.

I understand, but I told you not to worry about Nate and Lola.

I can handle them.

The important thing is that everything else run smoothly.

I'm gonna call you back.

Get me head of security.

Well, the dumbwaiter has potential, but it might be too cramped.

One of us would have to stand.

B.

What are you doing here? Looking for Gossip Girl.

It's a long story.

Wait, did you find Jack? Not yet.

Okay, well, be careful because Diana's downstairs, so if she sees you and Chuck I'll deal with Diana.

And good luck.

You two go on without me.

I'll make sure Diana doesn't find out you're here.

Out.

Everyone out.

What? Wait.

Someone tipped the cops off.

They're on their way.

No.

No.

Let's go! Party's over! Police are on their way.

Time to go.

Hello, Chuck.

Hello, India.

Oh, my God.

No.

No, it can't be.

Chuck, I'd love to chat, but I'm late for something very important.

You're not going anywhere until I get some answers.

Unfortunately, it's fairly time-sensitive, so if you could please get out of the way Diana Payne isn't my mother.

Sure she is.

Admit it.

You're the one who's been behind the lies all these years.

Why do you have to be so melodramatic about everything? Tell, the truth, Jack, for once in your life.

It's time.

That's your arm around Elizabeth.

That photo's 20 years old.

And it could be anyone.

It's your tattoo.

Don't try and tell me otherwise.

You were sleeping with Elizabeth, weren't you? I've slept with so many Elizabeths over the years.

I mean, she could be one.

Are you my father? Answer me.

You sure you really want to know? You! Let's go.

Just a minute.

I said, let's go.

Get him outta here.

What just happened? Did you tell him? Tell him what? What you're really hiding here.

Give us a moment.

Listen, Nate, whatever you and your sidekick may think you know-- Oh, give it up, Diana.

India.

Whatever your name is.

It's over.

And unless you want the whole world to know you run a high-class prostitution ring, you're gonna walk away from "The Spectator" forever.

You've disappeared before.

It's time to do it again.

Ooh, I'm really scared, especially as you don't have a shred of proof that I run this joint.

Who says I'm not just another customer, like you? Would you care to look at a video of you checking out the girls? I'm sure "The New York Times" would.

I could spitzer you so fast your head would spin.

I think I'll take my chances with the cops when they get here.

What cops? You don't really think they're coming here, do you? I was the on who ordered everyone out.

Fine.

We'll just have to get Gossip Girl to do it.

Hey, I got your text.

What is this place? I have no idea.

I've never been here before in my life.

It's Diana's office, and this is her club, and we need Gossip Girl to break the story.

I already knew.

Don't worry.

But I promise I won't tell a soul if you help me out right now, please.

I don't have my laptop.

It's in my bag, which is in the dressing room.

But I can try to send a blast from my phone.

Hmm, that's That's weird.

It says I'm locked out.

Mm.

Let me try signing in again.

Well, while you wait, I think I'll just go off and attend to business.

She seems to be having technical difficulties.

I don't know what's wrong, but I can get my computer right now.

Whatever you saw, or you think you saw, you can't tell Chuck.

Of course I'm going to tell him.

He has a right to know.

And there's nothing you can do that will make me change my mind.

This isn't about me.

Do you realize how many people will get hurt if this gets out? You need to go.

You've already complicated things enough by being here.

This whole thing was supposed to go off without a hitch.

You better hope it still does.

My computer's gone.

Gossip Girl.

She took it.

What? How do you know that? Because we set you up.

After we got the address for tonight, I gave it to Gossip Girl.

And I made sure you followed her cell phone all the way here.

You changed the password on her site, so she needed the actual laptop.

I'm just sorry for Nate that she grabbed it before you could send that post about Diana.

How could you do this to me? Do what to you, Serena? Stop you from anonymously attacking innocent people like me and your friends? No, but that's not true.

The old Gossip Girl hurt people, but I'm different.

No, you're not, Serena.

Just look at what's happened to you.

You've cut yourself off from everything and everyone that you care about.

It's not right.

Neither is tricking me.

Yeah, well, go ahead and blame me, but I did this to help you, not to hurt you.

Either way, it's over.

The real Gossip Girl's back.

For now, but I have her number.

The number you have reached is disconnected.

Nate's not answering.

Probably already left with Lola.

Have you seen Serena? No, I haven't.

What's wrong? Nothing.

I'm sorry.

You look like you just found out Jack Bass is your father.

Chuck, can we just go, please? After everything we've been through, there's no room for secrets, nor should there be.

Whatever it is, you can tell me, Blair.

It's just us here, you and me.

I think once everyone is gone and it's quiet you need to go back into that house.

Have Arthur take you back to the city.

Pronto.

Lucia? Hi, it's Dan Humphrey.

Ah, Dan.

Great to hear from you.

Have you decided? I have.

My girlfriend wants me to go Ah, fantastic! I knew a writer such as yourself could not pass on an opportunity like this.

But, um, I'm saying no.

What? Why? Well, I can work anywhere, but I don't think my relationship can.

And--and right now both of those things are very important to me.

I'm sorry.

Well, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you won't be joining.

Maybe next year.

Ciao, Daniel.

Shouldn't the boat be here by now? I'm sure they just got delayed.

They'll be here soon.

By the way, the fake raid was a great diversion.

Once I saw Chuck was here, I knew I had to get him out as quickly as possible.

Well, it worked.

Yeah.

When we're done here tonight, we need to discuss a renegotiation of my fee.

It just doubled.

Mm.

That's a lot of cash.

Silence is expensive.

You know that.

Hmm.

Once the boat gets here and safely departs, you'll be taken care of.

Don't worry.

Is "Gossip Girl" back up yet? Not yet.

But as soon as she is, I'm going to need her help to tell the world that Diana is our generation's Heidi Fleiss.

Oh, well, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

Serena said Gossip Girl's always known the truth about Diana.

So if she's never run it, it's probably 'cause she'd rather lord it over here.

Oh, that's great.

So now the only way to get Diana out of "The Spectator" is to run the story on the front page of my own newspaper? Wait.

Why not do that? You're joking, right? No, I'm not.

I mean At least I think I'm not.

What's the downside? You have to at least think about it.

Okay.

As long as you stay here and think about it with me.

Miss Serena.

You scare me half to death.

Oh.

Sorry.

Why you eat berries in dark? I don't know.

I guess I just forgot to eat dinner tonight.

Where is your computer? I-I go get it.

No, that laptop belonged to someone else, and she took it back, so Then we go to best buy, get a new one.

You feel better, in control again.

I don't think that's possible anymore.

Gossip Girl here-- your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

Spotted--Blair Waldorf headed back to Brooklyn.

Haven't we paid the toll enough for that relationship? I was just, uh, just about given up on you.

How was your day of scheming? You're upset with me, aren't you? No, of course not.

I'm not upset with you.

I'm upset with the woman from the institute.

She, uh, apparently found somebody that they wanted more.

Oh, no.

How is that possible? I don't know, but it means you're stuck with me all summer.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm not that sorry.

I'm starving.

Why don't we go grab a bite at Kellogg's? And I'll tell you all about my night and the crazy brothel we ended up at.

A brothel? You ended up at a brothel? I'll tell you all about it over dinner.

Hey.

I love you.

You know that, right? I do now.

Come on.

Let's go.

Of course, everybody knows that on the Upper East Side, nothing lasts forever.

And when one door closes The only question is, who's waiting behind it? Dad.

Oh, my God.