03x03 - Irresistible

[bunniefuu]

Are you all right, Colonel?

It's nothing. Just a cold.
No big deal.

It's just annoying.

Talk about annoying.

What?

We should be focusing on harvesting space Gates.

That's what we're doing, Rodney,

but the MALP detected life signs.

We have to check it out.

That's the protocol.

I'm just saying that identifying potential
space Gates to complete the intergalactic bridge

should be our priority, not making contact
with the locals of some backwater hamlet.

Are you that eager to return to Earth, Rodney?

This isn't just about me.

It is about the ability to go back and forth
between Earth and Atlantis conveniently...

and whenever I want to.

- How's that work again?
- Okay...

once we've seeded enough Stargates across
the void between Pegasus and the Milky Way,

we'll be able to take a Jumper from
one to the other to the other,

till we reach the other side.

That way, we won't tax the ZPM,

we won't be reliant on the Daedalus,

and travel time between Earth and Atlantis
will be cut from three weeks to 30 minutes.

- Very clever.
- Yes.

It was Samantha Carter's idea.

Backwater hamlet dead ahead.

Okay, let's just make contact,
buy our souvenirs, and...

get out of here.

Fair day to you.

Fair day to you.

Nothing here.

- We should probably go.
- Yeah, probably wouldn't hurt to

make contact with the locals, though.

- No, no, when you're right, you're right.
- No, we're here now...

Hello!

Hello, new people!

Why didn't anybody tell me
the new people were here yet?

- Lucius, I've missed you.
- Oh, please.

Well, I was just out for a walk.
Have you met the new people yet?

We just got here.

Oh, great. Great.

Then I haven't missed anything.
I hate missing things.

Have you met my wife, Willa?
Isn't she gorgeous?

My other wives are just making lunch.

- Fair day, Lucius.
- Hello, sweetheart.

I love ya. I love ya.

- Fair day, everybody.
- Fair day Lucius. Fair day.

I'm John Sheppard.

Rodney McKay.

Ronon Dex.

Teyla Emmagan.

Teyla...

and you are from...

- Athos.
- Athos...

Yeah, Athos.
I've never been there.

It sounds nice.

Is it nice?

Until it was culled by the Wraith.

Oh, I hate them.

What do you say you and me get together,
we have some lunch, we talk about this...

Maybe have some wine?

We don't even know your name.

We're serious.

You mean you truly have
not heard of Lucius?

Well, everyone knows...

he's the wisest and kindest man among the stars.

Oh people just say that.

I mean, you can't prove it till you've
met everybody, am I right?

Well, then...

Lucius...

we're glad we met you.

And if you aren't yet,

you will be.

Come on,

let's have some lunch...

Everybody has to eat, right come one.
Right this way, please.

Please.
After you.

Please.

Fair day.

Fair day, Lucius.

Fair day.
Fair day.

Here I come!

I love architecture.

It's all a mystery to me, really, but...

it hasn't stopped me from trying.

I see.

Is she taken yet?

No...

nor does he, nor anyone else, speak for me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you are definitely wife material.

I love a woman with spirit...

and a great body.

Excuse me, Lucius,

please pardon my ignorance,
possibly even my manners, but

- what is it exactly about you...
- I know what you're going to say.

So you don't even have to ask.

I have gifts.

What are those...

gifts?

Exploration,

alchemy, medicine.

I have, I have to say,
some of the best ointments around.

See, I could take care of that, just...

- just like that.
- It's just a cold.

Nevertheless,

I have a potion that could get rid
of that in six or seven days.

That's impressive.

You get used to it.

We'll do a trade.

So...

where are you all from?

No place in particular. We move around a lot.

In that wonderful machine of yours.
Yeah, I saw it. I was on a walk, I look up...

and I heard and somebody said that
you flew through the ancestral ring?

Yeah, that was us.

How does it fly?

- It's complicated. One has to...
- I mean, where do you get a machine like that?

I mean, it's a wonderful way to travel.
Can I get one? Are they hard to fly?

Yes... they are hard to fly, and

no, you can't have one.

But I want one.

Please.

Sorry.

Or perhaps a trade for some of
his wonderful medicines?

Or perhaps not.

What, you come all this way,
you don't even want to do a trade?

Look, it doesn't have to be the ship.
Forget the ship. I don't even want the ship, okay?

You've got to have some other stuff
that you want to trade, right? Okay like...

how do you get your hair to go like that?

Lunch was great,

- but I just realized we're running late.
- For what?

For that important thing.

Yes, as much as we would love to stay,
we really must go.

No, no, no. I don't want you to go.
You just got here. Come on, come on.

We haven't even had the second course.

Please! I want you to see some of my medicines.

Go get the ointments, the good ones.
Go. Run. Go.

Another time, Lucius.
We've got to go.

No... no, I don't want you to leave.

Okay, okay, okay.

All right.

Let them go.

We're all friends here, right?

Tell you what...
soon as we get back,

we'll tell our medical people to come
see what you have to offer. Then

we'll talk about trade.

Later today, maybe?

- Maybe.
- I'll have everything ready.

- Thank you.
- You won't be disappointed!

Nice people.

- I think the word we're looking for is...
- Obnoxious? Unctuous?

Either one of those works.

Then again, the townspeople seem to love him,
so maybe there's something to his medicine.

Sounds like a snake oil salesman to me, but
it might be worth having Beckett check it out.

Well, I'm sure Carson will be able
to get us an answer pretty quickly.

- So it's back out to scout for Gates?
- Yes. Right away.

It's not a race, Rodney.

Some of the herbs were gathered
from this planet on my walks,

but most were collected from my many
excursions to other worlds.

I have to confess,

I have concocted remedies for almost
every known ailment.

Every single one?

Well, every one in town.

The sick have been cured.

The lame can walk again.

Well, some still crawl,

but they crawl a lot faster than they used to.

- I see.
- Nothing pleases me more

than when someone comes up to me,
they say, "thank you, Lucius.

You have cured me.

You are a wise and kind man".

Young, old...

women...

Do you like women, Dr. Beckett?

What?
Yes, of course.

Yeah, I have a potion

that will have them lined up around
the square just waiting to be with you.

You know what I mean when
I say "be with you", right?

- I think so, yes.
- I will trade you that potion

for what you are holding in your bag right now.

My medical kit?

I thought you cured every known ailment.

Every known ailment in town.
I added that, remember?

Well, it is tempting, but I'm afraid

I couldn't do that, Lucius. Sorry.

Not yet, anyway...

Come on. You must be starving.

I have a great meal lined up for us.

How did the scout go?

Well...

we found an unused Gate
in orbit over M3R-428.

One lousy Gate. We're never
gonna meet our quota at this rate.

- What quota?
- My quota.

Daedalus is still under repair anyway, Rodney.
We won't be able to harvest Gates till it can fly.

Did Beckett bring back anything worth anything?

No, he hasn't returned yet.

He radioed in earlier,
said he'd like to stay a little longer.

Apparently he's found something of interest.

The baby was frozen solid.

Like a statue.

Like a frozen statue.

It must have been in the water for,
I don't know, what seemed like an eternity.

I didn't know what to do.

I was a kid myself.

I take the baby,

and I open my coat, and I

tuck the baby inside,

and I start stroking the baby's back,

gently.

Now, I don't know

whether it was
the warmth of my body

or the steady, insistent rhythm

of my own life force

urging this tiny baby's heart to begin b*ating again,

but b*at it did...

and a cry arose,

piercing the cold night air,

as if to say...

I...

am...

alive.

Astonishing.

And that baby...

that baby...

grew up to be...

That beautiful young lady.

No, no, not her, not her.
Behind her.

Maybe a little brain damage, but just a little,

but the story is true.

- And thank you for sharing it with me.
- Oh, please, Dr. Beckett.

That's what I like doing most...

to share.

To share me.

- And I can see that now.
- You see?

All you had to do was get to know me.

You know, Carson...

- may I call you Carson?
- Of course you can.

Carson, this City that you keep
going on and on about...

- Atlantis.
- Yeah, Atlantis.

On a scale of one to 10,
this village being a three...

- Oh, Atlantis is definitely a 10.
- It is... oh, yeah.

And those flying ships, you still have those?

You mean the Jumpers?
Oh, aye, we have several.

How interesting.

Tell me more.

Look, Lucius, I think I could do much better than that.

Incoming wormhole.

Opening the shield.

Dr. Beckett's IDC.

It's about time.

Carson.

Oh, my.

When you said this place was a ten,
I thought, "okay, maybe...

maybe it's an eight and a half,"

but this...

Carson?

Dr. Weir...

permit me to introduce Lucius Luvin.

Speaking of stunning...

you never told me anything about her.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I am definitely gonna like it here.

I can't believe you brought him here
without permission.

I didn't think you'd mind.

You didn't think I'd mind?

You know the protocols.
You even helped come up with them.

There's so much he can offer us.

Is this the same guy who said
he could cure my cold in a week?

I know my business, Colonel Sheppard.

He happens to have created several medicines
that are quite remarkable.

Really?

That guy?

Aye.

He also possesses many valuable herbs
and spices and gourds.

- Did you just say gourds?
- Yes, Rodney. Gourds.

We don't know everything, despite what you may think.

He could prove to be a very powerful ally.

He's a very wise and kind man.

Are you feeling all right?

What do you mean?

It's just you're acting...

a little...

Smitten?

I had another word in mind.

This is not something to treat lightly.

No, it isn't.

You've brought a stranger to Atlantis without
prior approval. Now he knows about the City,

as well as our Gate address.

Lucius would do nothing to harm us.

He comes in peace,

as our friend.

You have his word and mine on that.

- Do you think he poses a thr*at?
- Definitely a nuisance.

If what Beckett says is correct,
these medicines could be of value to us.

We'll just keep an eye on him.
McKay and I are heading out to scout more Gates.

Tell Teyla and Ronon not to let him out of their sight.

Here we are.

It's perfect.

Because you could always have my
own personal quarters if you wanted.

Oh, no, no.

Don't be silly, Carson. I mean,

you know, I'll take a look at what you have
if you insist, but...

this'll do fine for now.

Oh, good. I'm so pleased.

Just let me know if you want anything.

Oh, I can't think of anything I want more
than just being here.

Except that...

What?

- No, it's nothing.
- No, tell me.

I get the feeling that your friends
don't like having me around.

- Lucius just give them a chance to get to know you.
- I just hope I get that chance.

Oh, you will, I promise.

In fact, I'm sure Dr. Weir will want to negotiate
an alliance between your people and ours.

- Really?
- Really.

Oh, that'd be great.

Oh, hello.

I was going to go get something to eat, because
they forgot to bring me something, so...

are you guys not allowed to talk?

Guests are not permitted to move
about the City unescorted.

Well, what do you say you escort me then?

You don't like me yet, do you?

- Yet?
- I'm sorry.

My manners just fail when I am in the presence
of a beautiful woman.

Isn't she something?

Yeah.

- We will have something sent to you.
- Oh, no, no. Come on. Come on.

- Don't make me sit in there all alone. Come on, please?
- Very well. We will both take you.

Oh, both. Both is good.
Yeah, we'll get to know each other then, okay.

Like how do you get your hair to go like that?

Just listen to what he has to say.

Thank you.
Fine.

I must say, I'm starting to get concerned about
your interest in this man. It seems...

excessive.

And I find it puzzling why you've chosen
to greet Lucius with such hostility.

Perhaps it's because you broke protocol,

- endangering...
- and for that I am sorry,

but can we please move on past that one mistake

and not further alienate a potential ally?

Fine.

Have him come up to my office.

Hello, Dr. Weir.

Hello, Dr. Weir.

Yeah.

Hello, Dr. Weir.

Thank you for granting me this audience.

- It's hardly that, Mr. Luvin.
- No, please.

Lucius.

May this be the first of many gifts
that our people exchange.

Thank you.

I made it myself.

The gourd is from the marshes of my homeworld,

topped with a candle that's made
from the congealed tallow of an animal

that I k*lled with my bare hands.

How nice.

It's nothing.

Please, have a seat.

After you.

What are you doing?

I've been told that you would like to negotiate
a possible alliance between our two peoples.

An alliance?

Okay.

Sure.

I mean, that's why I'm here, is to talk about that.

Well, then...

why don't you start
by telling me what you have to offer us.

Besides candles.

Right.

One tiny settlement on the entire planet.

Look, all we'd have to do is relocate them.

We're not evacuating an entire planet
so we can take their Gate.

Hey.

Welcome back.

Where's Zelenka?

Well, he's not here.

No, no one's here.

Where is everyone?

I'm standing outside. I don't know what to do.

I ran. I ran!

I ran and I'm the guy who's holding the w*apon, okay?

So here's what I do, okay. Here's what I do.
Okay, I'm standing there,

and I'm running,

and I see the beast, just coming towards me,

so I just stepped to my left, I turn around,

and just as he's coming to me,

I take my sword,

I draw it,

and I lop off its head.

Yeah, and I bend over,
I pick it up,

and I walk in triumph...

back to the village.

- Amazing.
- You didn't.

Oh, yes, my dear, oh my giant friend,

I did, and let me tell you this...

I had no trouble finding female
companionship that night,

if you know what I mean.

"He's such a dandy!"

Repeatedly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What the hell is going on here?

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

We leave for a few hours,

and Lucius turns you all into stepford wives.

What did he do to you?

Absolutely nothing.

Carson was right about him.

I agree.

He has much to offer us.

- Herbs and gourds?
- Please,

the medicines alone are worth whatever he asks.

You're really telling me
the ointment is worth something?

- I haven't actually tested it.
- Oh, you're just taking his word for it?

You got a problem with that?

Me?

No.

He might.

Teyla...

this is the man who asked you to be his seventh wife.

I know.

I hope I didn't upset him.

You just haven't taken the time to get to know Lucius.

Carson is right.

Again.

Look, I think he could be a great asset to us.

He has traveled extensively throughout this galaxy,

and gathered a tremendous amount of intelligence.

Has he shared any of this intelligence?

Not yet, but...

he did give me this.

A very wise and kind man.

This is creeping me out.

Yeah, reminds me of an old Batman episode, actually.

This Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman,
make him fall in love with her.

Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her.

Kind of a turn-on, actually.

- Julie Newmar in the cat outfit...
- Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.

- Not till season three.
- Really?

Yeah. You didn't know that?

Oh, so anyway, I did a little investigating,

and...

surveillance footage from his quarters.

What's this?

I took the liberty of searching his room.

There's some residue from the liquid still in the vial.

It'll take some time to break it down.

- I could have used Carson's help on this, but...
- He's off picking daffodils for his new friend.

Right.

That's brilliant.

This is actually how we found your planet.

So you just fly to a planet,
you take the Gate, you fly away.

Well, we try to take Stargates
that are in fixed orbit around a planet,

and then only if the planet is uninhabited.

Obviously, it wouldn't be right to take a Gate
from a world that depended on it for trade.

Wait a minute.

I think I've heard of this planet.

You have?

Yeah, I have.

And I heard that this planet is
completely uninhabited. It's what I heard.

I don't know about you guys,
but I've got a good feeling about this planet.

Well, then we could retrofit
the Gate for space deployment.

Beautiful and brilliant.

The two Bs.

Dr. Weir.

Oh, hi, John. We were just
discussing the Gate harvesting program.

Yeah, I heard.

And Lucius knows of an excellent
planet we should investigate.

I heard that, too.

We got intel that the Wraith recently set up
a major outpost there. An alliance of three hives.

No.

- Really?
- Has your intel been verified?

We haven't put boots on the ground, no,
but our contacts are trustworthy.

I'm not going to send a team down there,
not when there's still plenty of Gates to scout.

John, you are way behind Rodney's quota.

Forget Rodney's quota.

I am not sending a team into harm's way.

You know what?

Colonel Sheppard is right.

Don't get me wrong...

with all your advanced weapons,
you could easily dispose of a tiny wraith outpost,

if there even is an outpost,

but ultimately,

is it worth the risk?

No matter how small that risk may be.
I mean, sure,

- people may label you a coward...
- Will you knock it off?

Colonel.

I think it's worth investigating.

No.

I won't allow it.

John...

are you questioning my authority?

When it comes to the security of this base,

you're damn right I am.

From now on,

no one goes through that Gate

without my authorization.

What a terrible cold he must have.

This is not like him, Lucius.

I apologize.

He makes me uncomfortable.

- He's really a good man.
- I don't see it.

If he doesn't come around,
you're gonna have to do something.

Elizabeth

wants to send a team

to check out a Gate
at a suspected Wraith outpost.

- What is she, nuts?
- Everybody's nuts, Rodney.

- Haven't you noticed?
- Right.

You need to figure out why
without drawing too much attention.

I am working on it, but there's not enough
of the liquid to work with. I need more.

I'll go back to Lucius's village.
I'm sure he keeps a stash there. I'll just grab some.

You're leaving me here alone?

- You said you need the liquid.
- Yeah, but the place is turning into a nuthouse.

Somebody's got to stay.
Just keep away from the nuts.

And you've got to disable the DHD as soon a
I'm gone to prevent anybody from dialing out, okay?

Willa.

Sheppard.

Sheppard!

Are you all right?

Where is he?

Lucius?

Did you take him?

Of course, if you did, we're not angry.

He came to my planet on his own.

Please send him back.

It hurts us to be away from him for so long.

Have you always felt this way about him?

No,

but one day,

as he returned from trading
his wares with a distant people,

he told me a story,

a wonderful, wise, sweet story

about something he accidentally stepped in.

And from that day forward,

we saw him for the wonderful man he truly is.

And before that?

I am ashamed to admit that
I refused to share his bed more than once,

and since he has gone, everyone is growing sick.

- It has only gotten worse.
- Take it easy.

Have you ever seen him drink a...

a liquid from a small vial?

- His daily medicine.
- Does he need more?

I could bring it to him.

We both can.

I can handle it.

If we get you some...

will you bring him home?

Sure.

Incoming wormhole.

Colonel Sheppard's IDC.

And the next day she became my wife,

my fifth wife, and now I have six.

You are a scoundrel, you know that's what you are.

Sheppard, come here.
You've got to hear this.

Lucius was just telling the most hysterical story.

Do you know that they have marmots on his planet?

Well, they're not marmots, exactly,
but it's a rodent very similar to...

I thought you said
you were gonna stay away from the nuts.

Yes, well, I tried to keep to myself, but Lucius here

was concerned for me, so he just came down,

Ronon held me against the wall,

and Lucius and I had a nice, long talk.

Oh, you did.

And let me tell you,

we have nothing to worry about with this guy.

This guy's just a big knucklehead.
Aren't you, you big knucklehead?

Where's Elizabeth?

She's out making me something to eat.

- What?
- I don't know. She said it was a surprise.

So Rodney and I were waiting here for
the team to return. We thought that you were them.

Teyla, Ronon, and Beckett.

They volunteered to check out M6H-491.

- I told you...
- To disable the DHD. I know. I'm sorry. I didn't.

But come on.

- Ronon and Teyla. I mean, they can handle themselves.
- What about Beckett?

Well, he... now,
he can walk on his hands. Did you know that?

He was showing Lucius before he left.

You should have seen it. He was down on his hands...

McKay!

We don't know for sure that
there are even Wraith on the planet.

We'll find out soon enough, though, won't we?

We sure will.

Atlantis, this is Beckett! We're coming in hot!

- You all right?
- It was a little rough, but we're good.

It was all terribly exciting.

Well, I guess we can assume
there are Wraith on that planet.

Yes. Many.

Now, don't overreact, John.

Are you kidding me?

You send a team led by Beckett

to a planet full of Wraith.
How do you expect me to react?

- Well, firstly, they volunteered.
- And secondly...

we got the herb.

Carson,

I will tell people of the tale of your bravery

for many years to come.

You will?

Yes, I will.

- You sent them to get an herb?
- We wanted to go.

Okay.

I've just about had enough.

Don't touch it.

What on Earth is wrong with you, John?

We were just helping a friend...

and there's nothing wrong with that.

I think there's something wrong with him.

You know what?

I'm just tired. It's this damn cold.

I apologize.

Maybe you should get some rest.

You're probably right.
I just need a good night's sleep.

So, what does this do?

That engages the HUD. Stands for "heads up display".

Heads up...

I love that.

It gives me whatever information
I need when flying the Jumper.

Navigation, weapons...

- You can fly this?
- I can fly it, too.

Yes, now that you received
the A.T.A. Therapy, which I invented.

I was actually born with the gene,

which makes me much more proficient
at operating ancient technology.

It does not.
He doesn't fly this thing any better than I do.

Don't you lie to Lucius...

All right... boys,

stop fighting.

A gene, you say?

It's a genetic fingerprint, if you will,

which allows someone such as me
to operate any technology on Atlantis.

I developed an inoculation

which allows those who don't
naturally possess the gene, such as Dr. McKay,

to be able to use some of it as well.

Really? A gene, huh?

You said an inoculation, huh? That's great.

You know what's really interesting...
if you look at this down here...

Doc?

Could I speak with you for a sec?

Excuse me.

I...

think there might be something wrong with me.

It's all right, son.

Admitting it is the first step.

So you finally came around, did you?

You see, once you get a chance
to know Lucius, he's really a very wise and kind...

Oh, crap.

Why is the Jumper bay roof opening?

Jumper three is starting up. Who's in it?

I don't know.

Jumper three, please identify.

Jumper three, this is flight. Identify yourself.
Look, close the door.

It's too late.

It's left the bay.

Hey, Carson. Sorry about that.

What...

Why...

I'm taking you to the mainland.
It's for your own good. Trust me.

- How often does that happen?
- This has never happened before.

- You know, we have very, very strict flight protocol...
- He'd have to have a key or something...

A security officer saw Colonel Sheppard
carrying Dr. Beckett toward the Jumper bay

moments before the Jumper took off.

So it was them in the flying machine?

My computer's missing.

A tablet, two drives, all of my research.

I told you that man was dangerous.

- I have to say, Liz, I am very disappointed right now.
- I am so very sorry, Lucius.

Mobilize Jumper teams.

- I want them found.
- Yes.

They're very good. They will find them.

I need to get back.

No, you don't.

Lucius needs me.
You have no right to abduct me like this.

Call it an intervention.

You probably don't realize it right now,
but what you're going through is

kind of like a...

a detox.

Now,

according to the research Rodney was able
to do before joining the Lucius fan club,

that liquid he's been drinking
contains some kind of a chemical.

It interacts with the body and
causes a secretion of a pheromone,

and then there's something about
gamma activity in the prefrontral cortrex.

Prefrontal cortex.

The part of the brain responsible
for positive emotions.

See, that's why I need you.

It seems that when people are exposed
to this pheromone, in close proximity, it makes them...

easy to influence,

and the longer they're exposed,
the worse the addiction gets.

You mean literally an addictive personality?

That's what it looks like.

It's rubbish!

Check for yourself.

I will bet you a year's pay
that the liquid in that vial is

some kind of extract made from
the herb that you collected for him.

He made you his mule.

If this is true, why weren't you affected?

My cold. I can hardly breathe.

Plus...

I haven't been around him much.

Look...

I would just kidnap him and take him away
somewhere until the pheromone wore off,

but the people back on his home
planet are starting to get sick,

and it looks like they're going
to get worse before they get better.

I don't want to put our people through that.

You're doing it to me right now!

Buck up, Carson.

You haven't been exposed that long.

Look, I need you to figure out a way
how to counteract this thing.

There's got to be an antidote of some kind.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

You can b*at it.

But he needs me.

We should head back.

We've been searching for hours.

We just left, McKay.

I don't like being this far away from Atlantis.
Lucius is probably worried.

You think he's worried?

Jumper two, report.

We're reading several life signs, but

they might be Athosian hunting
parties, we're going to go check them out.

- Is Lucius worried about us?
- Lucius?

He's fine.

Just keep looking.

I should have stayed with him.

Wait just a minute.

What is it?

Don't move.

That thing is set to stun, right?

Yeah.

Good.

Carson are you all right?

I will be once I get back to Lucius.

What did you sh**t him for?

Now we're gonna have to carry him
all the way back to the Jumper.

Good morning, Colonel.

I want to apologize for this harsh treatment.

I hate that Elizabeth had to do this.

Cut the crap.

So...

that herb of yours...

One of my greatest discoveries.

Well, it's my only great discover but you got to admit,

it's pretty great.

How did you get by before that?

I was a baker.

Bread, mostly.

The occasional muffin at festival time.

So that herb pretty much changed everything.

Yeah.

Yeah, I baked it into my own bread...

I like to experiment...

and I noticed that people started to like me.

Well, hate me less but

pretty soon it became "like".

So I perfected a potion.
It worked great for years.

Then the Wraith set up an outpost
on the only planet where I could get the herb.

I knew I could never go back there.

Until we showed up.

I'm telling you, it was fate...

and everybody wanted to help,
so I let them.

See, that's the great thing about this herb.

Nobody gets hurt.

They just want to help me all the time.
What's wrong with that?

I'm a nice guy.

I never make them do anything they didn't want to do.

Six wives?

Sometimes all at once.

You know, when you get over this cold,
you and I are going to have a long chat,

face to face,

and I've got a feeling we're going
to become the best of friends,

and you're going to want to help me, too all the time,

and you'll love it.

Just a warning, Lucius...

you get too close to me,
it'll be the last thing you do.

That's all right, Colonel.

I'm in no rush.

Lucius?

Yeah, go ahead, Carson.

I've finished preparing the inoculation.

All right, I'll be right down.

I've got to go get an inoculation.
We'll talk after.

He's giving you the A.T.A. therapy?

Yeah.

Isn't that great?

There. All done.

Now, remember,

- it's only effective in 47% of those who receive it.
- Well, I'm a naturally lucky fella.

The only way to know for sure is to have
you try to operate something.

Okay.

It takes about an hour to be effective.

In the meantime,

just rest easy, dear friend.

Are you feeling okay?
Can I get you anything?

No, Rodney.

I'm fine.

- You sure?
- Absolutely.

- Because it would be no trouble.
- Mess hall.

Blue jello.

Just a little bit of whipped cream.

Right away.

We really should talk about marriage.

Jumper one,
this is flight.

The bay doors are open.

You are go for launch.

"Go for launch".

That's so exciting.
Thanks Rodney.

All right, here goes.

I'll take it from here.

You're supposed to be in jail.

Carson.

Save your breath, your charm
no longer has any effect on me.

No... no, but...

Carson...

we're supposed to be best of friends.

Carson didn't give you the A.T.A. gene.

What?

I'm afraid it's a serum that effectively
neutralizes the chemical in that herb of yours.

Took some myself.

I don't know what that means.

It means we can have that face to face
conversation you always wanted us to have.

The only thing
that will happen is you'll catch my cold.

What is taking him so long?

I should go up there.

Wait.
Wait!

They're taking off.

It worked!

He's flying it.

"He flies. He flies so beautifully!"

Fly, Lucius, fly.

Where are you taking me?

Little vacation.

Just enough time to let Dr. Beckett give the serum
to the rest of my people without you interfering.

And then what?

Then maybe i'll take you back home.

I'm sure your people will be thrilled to see you again.

You would do that for me?

Without even being under the effect of the herb?

- After all I did?
- Well, I'm a nice guy.

Oh, Colonel, I can't thank you enough.

- Thank you so much...
- After I give them the serum.

So how was Lucius' homecoming?

Well...

they didn't k*ll him,

although I do see a string of divorces in his future.

That's if they haven't strung him up first.

Well, the townspeople are over their withdrawal
and on the mend, so I doubt that will happen.

That is, unless we discover he's revealed
the location of Atlantis to anyone.

In which case I said I would track him down,

- hang him by his feet and cut off his...
- Thank you. We get the idea.

So everyone here...

back to normal?

We're still fine, John.

No lingering desires?

Secret longings for his touch?

It's embarrassing enough without
you constantly reminding us thank you.

All right, all right.

Hey, buddy, I'd better get back and clean
your quarters before the next scout.

Right.

Rodney.

It was one teeny, tiny taste, for research purposes.

- Burn it.
- All of it.

Right now.

Fine.

Story of my life.